My therapist told me that shame -- while a proper emotion when I've committed a shameful act -- carries the potential to confuse me into thinking that there is something wrong with me as a human being. For many people, guilt means "I've done something wrong." But shame means "I am something wrong." If shame is not properly assessed, it can potentially hold me captive, and hinder my progress both spiritually and socially.

In a different therapy session I learned about cognitive distortions. Alcoholics Anonymous grants the same concept a different name: stinkin' thinkin'. Cognitive distortions are thoughts that have been corrupted, distorted, or skewed in such a way as to produce error of reality.

An example of a cognitive distortion would be thinking that someone did not like me because when the person saw me in a public context he or she did not interact with me. The reality of the situation, however, could have had various potentials, none of which had anything to do with how the person feltabout me as a human being.

The danger with cognitive distortions is that they can manifest in a manner in which affects my feelings or emotions. In the above situation, I may have felt rejected because the person did not acknowledge me. This, in turn, could have led me to a desperate need for affection, whereby I looked for intimate and immediate gratification, either sexual or non-sexual, whether with another person or even through pornography. If acted upon, shame is but one result.

Such could have been avoided, though, by considering other options as to why the individual did not acknowledge me. For example, perhaps the person did not see me. Perhaps the person did not recognize me from a distance. Perhaps the person was distracted, being in a hurry, or preoccupied with thoughts of his or her own. But by allowing distorted, presumptuous thoughts to consume my mind, I allowed them to affect my emotions, which then led to wrong behavior, producing feelings of shame.  

Shame can act as a cognitive distortion when it is perceived as though something is wrong with me as a human being. Even in my context, when I sinned against my roommate last year, there was nothing wrong me as a human being. What was wrong within me were cognitive distortions. My corrupt thoughts regarding my roommate affected my feelings toward him, which, in turn, led me to behave in such a way that was sinful and disrespectful of him as both a human being and as a brother in Christ.

The public humiliation of my exposed sin only compounded my shame. I remember, however, a Southern Baptist pastor coming to me in private and encouraging me to find a way past the shame. He shared with me a time in his own life when he had to force himself to move past his own shame for a sin he had committed. He told me that I would be no use for the kingdom until I found a way past the shame.

From therapy I learned that the shame I felt was due to genuine contrition and repentance. I was able, upon months of reflection, to honestly and objectively view my actions as shameful without thinking of myself -- my very existence -- as shameful. I realized that my actions were triggered by my feelings, which were triggered by my cognitive distortions. Had I been thinking properly, or not entertaining distorted thoughts, I, and so many others, could avoided that nightmare I created.

From Scripture I learned that Jesus took the shameful behavior I committed against my roommate upon Himself, though He despised and scorned that shame, and then sat down next to His Father in glory (Heb. 12:2). My sinful, shameful behavior has been cleansed by the blood of Jesus, and I will never be held accountable for it by God. He accounts me as righteous (Rom. 3:21, 22), justified (Rom. 5:1), sanctified (Acts 26:18), and glorified (Rom. 8:30) in Christ, though I have sinned.  

By God's grace and mercy to me in Christ, I am forbidden to accept shame as my identity. I am allowed to feel ashamed of my sinful behavior; but in Christ, having received His forgiveness, I am not permitted to view my existence as one of utter, hopeless shame. Only the gospel of grace grants such overwhelming accomplishment over failure, grief, and shame. I hope that you, in and through union with Christ by the grace of God, will internalize these truths for yourself.   

This honest post was written by William W Birch.  For the original post with comments, go to:  http://www.classicalarminian.com/2013/02/saturday-devotion-shame-and-identity.html

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

"We haven't shared our bed for over 20 years," the man told me.  This man came to see me for counseling as he was at the end of himself.  He was running out of faith.  Faith in his marriage, faith in his wife, and ultimately faith that God could fix his situation.  He was on the verge of suicide.

He told me an interesting story.  The problem started rather simply as many young marriages do.  "We were having a fight one evening.  I don't even remember what it was about.  But we were really steamed at each other and I decided I was going to "punish" my wife.  I told her that if she was going to act that way, I would just sleep on the couch."  Over time, this couple learned to handle their conflicts in this distorted, disrespectful and damaging way. God says that this type of behavior is sinful.   Sometimes, his wife would take the initiative and "punish" him by sleeping on the couch.  Over time, there was less forgiveness, less tolerance and less sleeping together.  After a while, they stopped sleeping with each other altogether.  His wife decided that she didn't want to share their bed with a man who was so unforgiving.  So, she decided to move into the spare bedroom.  God has stated that this type of behavior is unacceptable.

By all outward appearances, this couple was envied by their friends.  This couple had a terrific facade.  They both led very active lives.  He would spend time with the boys watching sports and hanging out.  Her friends became more important to her than her husband.  People were so observant of their ability "to let each other enjoy themselves without tying the other down."  

There were problems that were creeping in unaware to this couple.  Their children noticed that at home, dad & mom would hardly speak to each other.  They noticed that there parents would each go to their respective bedrooms in the evening and watch TV.  They noticed that, at home, there was a lack of love and joy.  However, the children also noticed that when they would go to church as a family, that all seemed good.  At first the children enjoyed going to church because it felt like then they were a family that really loved and cared for each other.  However, as the children became teenagers, they noticed the hypocrisy that their parents displayed.  Their parents were one way at home, one way with their friends, and another way at church.  When the children would talk to their friends, they came to realize that their parents really didn't love each other.  It was all an act.  

It was his son that awakened this man to what was really happening.  His son casually said, sarcastically, "when I get married I want to have a wife that I don't love too, Dad."  This man was so floored by his son's hurtful statement, that he didn't even know what to say or do.  He just broke down and started crying.  He asked himself, "what have I taught my children about love and marriage?"  He realized that the last 20 years of his life have been a sham.  That's when the feelings of despair and hopelessness set in.  That's when he first started contemplating ending his life.  Fortunately, this man sought help for his situation, deciding to get counseling for himself.

Now, the recovery from 20 years of denial and lovelessness is a long and arduous journey and I won't get into the issues that this man needed to face in counseling.  However, I share his story to stop you and make you think...

How are you treating your wife?  Have you two gone so far as to not share the marriage bed anymore?  Maybe you haven't done that physically but emotionally.  Do you sleep together, side-by-side, each nite and wonder why you're married, not feeling as if this person to whom you are married is even worth staying with?  Have you given up on your love internally and just live a sham marriage?  

Let me encourage you today.  A pastor of mine used to say this frequently in his sermons, "it's never to late to do the right thing."  So, if you've gone a long time (or even a short time) and haven't been cultivating the love and romance in your marriage, be a man and take the first step.  Swallow your pride. Apologize to your wife for discarding her.  Work on valuing her.  Let your kids see you two in love.  Get help and talk to your pastor or a Christian counselor.

Tomorrow, we are going to continue our discussion of marriage...

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness and the deepest gloom and broke away their chains. Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men, for he breaks down gates of bronze and cuts through bars of iron.

Addictions and compulsions are a kind of bondage. Painful memories are also like chains that bind us. We try harder and harder to change. But sometimes the harder we try, the tighter the chains become. Recovery begins when we recognize that our bondage is too great for us. We are not powerful enough to break these chains. Either we will find a power greater than ourselves to help us, or we will stay in bondage.

Many people find the idea of powerlessness to be very troubling. We want to be competent and self-reliant. And, many of us have had people attempt to 'rescue' us in ways that have increased our shame and self-contempt. So, why should we welcome the God-who-rescues? Won't he also shame us?

First, notice in this text that God's intervention is in response to a request. We do not serve a codependent God. God is not entangled in our compulsions. God will not rescue in ways that are shame-full. God knows that we need to be ready to be helped and that we need to cry out for help.

Notice also in this text that it is the God-of-unfailing-love who is our higher power. Because so many of us are convinced that God is vindictive, punitive and abusive, it can be terrifying in our powerlessness to focus on the power of God. We are sure that all of that power will be used against us. But the God-of-unfailing-love is not a vindictive, punitive or abusive God. God is a God-of-tough-love. That's the only kind of love that can be 'unfailing.' But God is not 'against' us. God is 'for' us.

Recovery is being set free by God's powerful love.

I was powerless, Lord.
I expected you to increase my shame and self-contempt.
But you are a God of unfailing love.
I expected you to use your power against me.
But when I called, you came.
You crashed the gates.
You cut the bars.
You broke the chains.
You are leading me out of this darkness and deepest gloom
into the light of day.
Thank you.

Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan
National Association for Christian Recovery

A teenage actor from a popular CBS sitcom has denounced the broadcast that he has starred in for many years, stating that “a true God-fearing person” cannot be on such programs, and is urging viewers to stop watching “filth” on television.

Nineteen-year-old Angus T. Jones from “Two and a Half Men” says that his newly-found beliefs are at conflict with the sitcom. Jones has played the young Jake Harper on the show since he was nine years old, but now states that he sees the material in a whole new light.

Jones explained that in his senior year of high school, he began feeling that he needed to get serious with God, and is now uncomfortable with the broadcast. “If you watch ‘Two and a Half Men,’ please stop watching it and filling your head with filth."

“I’m on ‘Two and a Half Men’ and I don’t want to be on it,” Jones added. “I’m not okay with what I’m learning and what the Bible says, and being on that television show.”

Jones continued to explain that the enemy of man’s soul works through various means, including through what some may believe is mere entertainment.

“People don’t like to think about how deceptive the enemy is,” he said. “He’s been doing this for a lot longer than any of us have been around. So, there’s no playing around. There’s no playing around when it comes to eternity.”

“Please do some research on the effects of television and I promise you you’ll have a decision to make when it comes to the television,” Jones advised. “It’s bad news.”

He outlined that he did not want to be used as an instrument of the devil.

“If I am doing any harm, I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be contributing to the enemy’s plan,” he said. “You cannot be a true God-fearing person and be on a television show like that.”

The sitcom, produced by Chuck Lorre, centers around a man who was kicked out of the house after a divorce, and moved in with his friend. It originally featured Charlie Sheen, who was fired from the show after producers became concerned about his personal lifestyle, which they stated was “dangerously self-destructive.”

Sheen was then replaced by actor Ashton Kutcher after the writers wrote Sheen out of the broadcast through an episode that claimed that he was pushed in front of a subway by a girlfriend who believed that he had been cheating on her.

The sitcom is often filled with off-color jokes about sexual matters, such as an episode in which Kutcher states that he would willingly have sexual relations with any woman that would like to keep him company. 

Goes to show you.  God is actively at work in this world.  

It's never too late to do the right thing.  


 I'm watching this guy and praying for him that he will continue to seek God's guidance.  Will you join me?


This blog post came from the Christian News Network.  For the original post, go to:  http://christiannews.net/2012/11/26/two-and-half-men-star-struck-by-fear-of-god-pleads-with-viewers-to-stop-watching-the-filth/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

“Now on the twenty-fourth day of this month the children of Israel were assembled with fasting, in sackcloth, and with dust on their heads.” Nehemiah 9:1 (NKJV)

There are a couple of things we need to understand about this verse. The first is that their sorrow for sin is in connection with hearing the Law. In Nehemiah 8 the Law was read and explained to them. As the Law was preached they were made aware of their transgressions of God’s Law and this brought a deep conviction upon them. Conviction of sin is almost always connected to hearing God’s Word.

The second thing we have to notice is their response to this conviction. They assembled while fasting and wearing sackcloth and dust on their heads. This was all a sign of great mourning for their sin. When you read the Scriptures, particularly the Old Testament you find that the people fasted when they were mourning over sin. I’m not 100% sure of the significance of fasting when accompanying mourning unless it was to show that they were so distraught over their sin that they couldn’t even eat. The significance of the sackcloth and ashes was that of humiliation. They were showing outwardly what was going on inwardly. Inwardly they were so grieved over their sin against God that they were humiliated by it. So they demonstrated their grief and humiliation by wearing a burlap sack and putting dirt on their heads.

Biblical repentance always includes a godly sorrow for the sins committed.

“Now I rejoice, not that you were made sorry, but that your sorrow led to repentance. For you were made sorry in a godly manner, that you might suffer loss from us in nothing. For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death.” (2 Corinthians 7:9-10 NKJV)

One of the things that’s important to take away from this passage is not all sorrow is a godly sorrow. The Bible says that there is a godly sorrow for sin that leads to repentance and salvation. There is also a worldly sorrow for sin that leads to death. We have to know the difference so that we can ensure that the sorrow we feel at our sin is the godly sorrow that leads to repentance and salvation.

Let me take a minute and explain what godly sorrow is not. Godly sorrow is not being sorry you were caught. If the only sorrow produced in your life when you sin is a result of someone finding out about your sins, you are not genuinely sorry for your sins. You are sorry you got caught in your sins.

Godly sorrow is not being afraid God is going to punish you for your sins. If the only sorrow produced in your life when you sin comes because you are afraid that God is going to break your leg, burn down your house, do something to your children or do something else to punish you, you are not genuinely sorry for your sin. You fear God’s punishment. To fear God’s punishment and to be sorry for sin is not the same thing.

To be sorry you were caught or be sorry because you are afraid of God’s punishment are examples of worldly sorrow that leads to death. The reason they lead to death is because they do not really turn us to God and they do not produce a change in our lives. When someone is sorry they were caught they are only sorry and only pretend to change while the shame of being caught remains. Once the shame is over the change goes out the window and they go back to doing what they were doing only this time they are more careful.

When someone is sorry because they are afraid of God’s punishment they are only sorry and only pretend to change while the fear of punishment remains. Once the fear of punishment is gone the change goes out the window and they go back to doing what they were doing before.

Godly sorrow is very different from this. With godly sorrow we feel grief or sorrow for the sin committed whether anyone finds out or not. With godly sorrow we feel grief or sorrow for the sin committed whether God chastises us for that sin or not. Basically it means that you are sorry you committed the sin regardless of any other circumstances. It is to be sorry you have sinned against God.

In the world we live in one of the greatest crimes you can commit against humanity is to make someone feel bad about themselves. We live in a world where people feel they are entitled to always feel good. On the other hand the Bible teaches that if we sin against God, we won’t always feel good about ourselves because Biblical repentance always involves a godly sorrow for the sins we’ve committed against God.


This post was written by Rev Ross.  You can find the original post at:  http://stacyjross.wordpress.com/2012/11/09/sorrow-for-sin/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

During the First Great Awakening Jonathan Edwards preached his famous message Sinners In The Hands Of An Angry God.  Reports from this time say that Edwards wasn’t an eloquent speaker. Instead of walking around and preaching with dramatic flair, Edwards looked down at his manuscript and read this sermon in a flat and monotone voice. The reports from this time also say that as Edward preached men and women would hold on to the posts of the church for fear of dropping into hell. Others would stop of their ears and run screaming out of the church. Undeterred Edwards kept preaching. Edwards ended his sermon with this appeal, “Therefore let everyone that is out of Christ, now awake and fly from the wrath to come.”

Flee they did. Many fell on the ground and cried out for Christ to save them. While there is no official number of salvations during this time most estimates put the number in the thousands. From what I’ve read few of these were the flash in the pan decisions that don’t last once the emotional fervor wears off. Instead most of those who were saved during the Great Awakening lived faithful Godly lives the rest of their days.

For someone who has never seen men or women respond to conviction as it is described about the Great Awakening I can easily find myself saying, “Ah I bet that’s not quite how it happened.” The truth is though; there are Biblical examples of people responding in very similar ways. At the end of Peter’s sermon on the day of Pentecost the Bible says the people were cut to the heart and asked, “…what shall we do?” (Acts 2:37) The picture of being cut to the heart is very similar to what we hear about from the Great Awakening.

The question this leaves me with is why? Why don’t we see this sort response to conviction in our day? I’m convinced that one of the main reasons for this is that our culture has a low view of repentance. To many in our world repentance is simply asking God to forgive us for our sins, without any real plans to making the necessary changes in our lives that will prevent us from falling into that sin again. We are like a guy I saw in a movie once. He said something like, “I like to sin. God likes to forgive sin. It’s a very good arrangement.”

Biblical repentance isn’t just asking God to forgive us for our sins. Let’s be honest, we can ask for forgiveness and still remain unchanged. In Scripture we see several examples of people who confessed, “I have sinned” and yet this really didn’t mean a thing to them. Let me remind you of a couple of these.

In the book of Exodus, Pharaoh was overwhelmed with the plagues that came upon him because of his hardened and sinful heart, and he cried out and said, “I have sinned” (Exodus 9:7 and 10:16).  But he didn’t really mean it because he never let the people go. In the book of Numbers, the heretical prophet Balaam said, “I have sinned” (Numbers 22:34), but his repentance wasn’t sincere because he still tried to help Balak cause the destruction of the Israelites.

In the book of Joshua, Achan said, “I have sinned” (Joshua 7:20), but it was too late; he said it only because he was caught and it did not represent heartfelt repentance. In the book of 1 Samuel, King Saul said, “I have sinned,” (1 Samuel 15:24), but it did not come from a humble heart.  He was still speaking in defiance and pride. In the book of Matthew, Judas said, “I have sinned for I have betrayed innocent blood” (Matthew 27:4), but he didn’t really repent. Instead he went out and killed himself.

My favorite definition of repentance is that repentance is a change of mind about God and sin that results in a change of life. Biblical repentance always brings about change in our lives. Repentance involves total change in the direction of our lives. We turn from our sin and we turn to God with the intention of forsaking the sin and serving God. This will obviously require more from us than shedding a couple of tears and asking God to forgive us. It will require a total change in our outlook, our expectations and our commitments.

When you read the Bible and see the messages of John the Baptist, Jesus and Paul you don’t find a shallow view of repentance. Jesus called on repentant people to deny themselves, take of their cross and follow Him. John the Baptist and Paul both called on people to repent of their sins, believe the Gospel and then do works that demonstrated their repentance.

Another way we see this shallow view of repentance is in the way that it’s almost seen as optional by many in our day. In fact there is a whole movement of people who teach that repentance is not necessary at all at any time in your life. I personally find this attitude fascinating considering that in Luke 13 Jesus says “Lest you repent you will likewise perish.” Jesus didn’t get the memo that people didn’t have to repent and so He went around and commanded people to repent. Not to mention that in Acts 17 we are told that God commands all men everywhere to repent (Acts 17:30).

This may lead us to wonder what Biblical repentance looks like. That’s what I’m going to talk about tomorrow.

This post was written by Rev Ross.  For the original post, go to:  http://stacyjross.wordpress.com/2012/11/08/repentance/


BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.

Life involves a lot of hard work. Change and growth take effort. But we are not doing all the work ourselves. God is also at work. God is at our side in the process of healing.

Sometimes, of course, it seems like there is not much for God to work with. We see our diseases and disfunctions clearly and wonder how anything can be made out of this mess. But God is full of surprises. God can turn the most unlikely of events and experiences into opportunities to bring us new life and new hope.

Sometimes life seems like a desert wasteland, desolate, unproductive. We can't imagine that anything can grow here. The conditions are too hostile. It is into just such situations that God comes. In a trackless wilderness, God makes a way. In a parched wasteland, God causes a stream of water to spring up. It is a remarkable thing when God finds a path for us when we are completely lost. It is a remarkable thing when God provides nourishment for us in a wasteland. But God does, time and time again.

God is doing a new thing in us. It may be difficult for us to perceive at first. But little by little, day by day, new life and hope spring up. God can take the pathless wasteland of our lives and grow a garden there.

"Do you see it?" God asks "Can you see how it springs up? It will be a garden some day. It will yield a bountiful harvest."

I am not good at seeing it yet, Lord.
Will I bloom and grow?
Will my desert wasteland see a harvest?
Is there a path for me in this wilderness, Lord.
Are there streams of water here?
Surprise me, Lord.
And change me.
Give me the courage, hope and trust
to change a little today.

Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan
National Association for Christian Recovery