Hogging

05/14/2012

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The young man told me an unbelievable story.  He was telling me about an activity that was popular in his college dorm.  It was called "hogging."  

As he explained what this activity was, it became clear to me that this young man was engaging in a very sinful and demeaning sexual activity.  By many standards, his behavior was considered deviant and misogynous.

Clearly, hogging is when a man purposely seeks out an overweight or unattractive woman to satisfy his sexual appetite.  Many times, it is a game, a form of competition that men do to see who can have sex with the largest woman.  It is not unusual for a group of men at a bar decide to "spice up" the most overweight or unattractive woman or it occurs when it is close to bar closing and a man decided he will "settle" for this woman rather than go home alone.  This type of behavior is disgusting, despicable and wrong on so many levels.    

This young man was starting to feel a twinge of guilt for his behavior.  The night before he was involved in a "rodeo" where his friends hid in his bedroom and took  pictures of his sexual activity and then jumped out and surprised the woman, humiliating her and telling her it was all a competition.  This last encounter ended with the young woman breaking down in tears, angrily crying hysterically and threatening to call the police for sexual assault.  

It's disgusting the path that sin takes in men's lives.  The desire to seek sexual thrills coupled with competition makes men stupid.  This selfishness leads to treating people like objects, forgetting that other people have needs and feelings as well.  

His behavior reminded me of a section of the Bible where Paul is speaking to first generation Christians:  "Don't you know that wicked people won't inherit the kingdom of God?  Stop deceiving yourselves!  People who continue to commit sexual sins..."  Then Paul reminds them that even though they have engaged in sexual sins, that they have changed...  "That's what some of you were!  But you have been washed and made holy, and you have received God's approval..."  

This young man didn't have a Christian heritage on which to build, just like these first generation Christians.  He thought that what he was doing was "normal, what guys do."  Fortunately, the Holy Spirit was speaking to him, letting him know that abusing women and seeking sexual thrills and competition is not "normal." And he was listening...

God takes pleasure in uprightness, in those who seek to please Him before pleasing their own sensual desires and selfishness.  

This young man changed for the better.  He is now walking in righteousness, seeking God's will for his life.   He is forgiven.  He is now made holy.  He is receiving God's approval.

God changed this young man. 

Can you? 
Yes.

Will you? 
Yes.

Allow God to change you. 

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.
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Caught in the parking lot (part two)

02/28/2012

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If you remember yesterday, we were talking about a man who got started with pornography at age 8.   This man started to act upon his fantasies from the porn that he had been viewing over the years.  

One of his fantasies was that he would "accidentally" leave his zipper down and a woman would notice and become aroused.   He would walk around in grocery stores with his zipper down, fantasizing about his inevitable sexual encounter.  He  was disappointed that no women  noticed.

So, he developed another plan.  He decided that he would sit in his car close to the exits of stores with his pants open and hope that women would see and become aroused.  That didn't work either.  

So, his next step would be to call women over to his car, "to ask a question" and hope that with his pants open, they would notice and want to be with him.   He continued to be very disappointed.

He thought, because of his distorted perspective of women and sexuality, that what women were wanting to see was that he was sexually aroused, that he was erect, ready for sex.  So, he would sit in his car and fantasize about a woman jumping into his car and they would drive to a secluded place for a sexual encounter.  

One morning, while he was sitting in his car masturbating and fantasizing, he rolled his window down and asked a woman to come over because he had a "question" he wanted to ask her.  She approached his car, looked at him and where his hand was and instantly became repulsed.  She noted his license plate and called the police when she got home.  

She made a report to the police and he was arrested and prosecuted.  His prosecution was made public, his family was embarrassed and he lost his job.  

As he finished his story, I asked, "have you gotten rid of your porn?"  I knew his answer would be "no."  I was right.  The court wanted recommendations at the end of my assessment.  My recommendations were necessary:  no cable tv, no vcr/dvd player, no internet, no smart phone, no porn.  If he was caught in possession of any of these items, he would go to prison.  Also, he needed intensive counseling.  If this failed, then he would need residential treatment.

However, what happened, when the judge found out that he had not given up his porn, he acted swiftly.  This man immediately went to prison.  

Wouldn't it be nice if all of my stories ended in a positive note?  

This is a depressing, disgusting story.

Porn wins.

"Behold, you have sinned against the LORD and be sure that your sin will find you out."

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.
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The most disgusting thing I have ever heard

02/15/2012

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There have been a few times when I have been so angry, that I felt like slugging someone...

Let me set this up for you.  The church that I attended would put on a terrific Easter Musical every year.  It was a great production and much of the community would go.  It was quite popular.   I enjoyed being part of it.

I was at a fast food establishment and I overheard a conversation that I wish I had never heard.  Two young men were talking about the Easter Musical.  Since I was in the production, I listened intentionally.  Then they started talking to each other about how to pick up girls.  I heard the usual stupid man advice about showing off, flexing your muscles, driving a fast car, flattering, flirting, etc.  

However, what I heard next was REALLY DISGUSTING.   

I wish I hadn't been listening.

One young man said, "I take girls to that Easter Musical that's going on right now.   I cry when Jesus is on the cross and they get all emotional.  Then, when I get them home, they are  like putty in my hands.  I can do anything I want and they never say no."  He continued, "If I can't get a girl to go with me, I will hang out afterwards and talk to the girls that have been crying.  It's pretty easy to pick one up when they're like that."  It made my blood boil.  I wanted to slug the guy or say something but I was so angry and in such shock, I just sat there in disbelief.

Did you catch what was DISGUSTING about that conversation?  God talks about this.  He says, "They commit adultery with their eyes, and their desire for sin is never satisfied.  They lure unstable people into sin..."  

Why is this disgusting?

Did you catch what this young man said?  He took the most wonderful and supreme act of love and perverted it for his own selfish, sinful advantage.  And not only that, he took others with him.  

Do you find that disgusting?

I have talked about several disgusting things on this blog.  What makes this the most disgusting thing I have ever heard?  

Do you understand the gravity of this young man's statements?

It is downright disgusting to use something that is holy for sin.  To defile God's holiness with sin is a major affront to God.  This conversation gave me a whole different perspective on God's Holiness and what it means to be a man.  

A real man takes God's Holiness seriously.  That doesn't mean that a real man can't have fun and can't make light of some things that happen, even in a church.  But a real man knows better than to defile God with sin.   God and sin can NEVER be connected, even the slightest connection is abhorrent to God.

Do you defile God's Holiness?  Do you take Him seriously?  

God says we are to be holy in all we do.  Never connect God to sin.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.
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