He sat across the table from me, trying to convince me that his behavior wasn't hurting anybody.  "I'm not having sex, I'm just having some fun!"  He proceeded to tell me  his story.   It's one that I have heard many times.  Unfortunately.

His behavior started fairly innocently.  He was happily married but there were occasions that his wife would work late.  During these times, on occasion, he would call a "chat line."  The conversations started out innocent enough but he didn't realize that he was being fleeced.  God speaks about this.  He says,"with persuasive words she led him astray; she seduced him with her smooth talk."   The young lady on the other end of the phone started flirting with him and tapped into his ego.  The next time he called her, she talked about how wonderful he was and how he helped her not to feel so lonely.  A few calls later, the trap was sprung.   He gave her his credit card number so that she would "tell him things that she knew he wanted to hear."  His calls continued with greater frequency.  He would get out of bed where his wife was sleeping to call this young lady.  She was always available to him and would say things that his wife would never say.  

He started to feel guilty and talked to the young lady about not calling her anymore.  That is when she set the hook.  She told him that she was a college student and that she needed the money to pay for school.  She admitted that she did this with just a few men and that they "weren't doing anything wrong."  

He looked at me and said, "but, I'm not cheating!!! I'm not having sex with her.  We're just having a little fun .  No one's getting hurt and I'm helping her pay for her education."  

I cautioned him about his behavior.  I explained to him what such behavior leads to.  That's when he said, "funny you should say that...."    He  then proceeded with this all too familiar story:

This young lady suggested that they meet.  It was a town that he visited on business often.   She explained that she offered private services to help men feel more masculine and perform better in bed.  She explained that he would enjoy it as "most men do."  

He went to the house that she and several other young women (who were working their way thru college too)  used to "help men."  There was never any intercourse.  He was "learning how to let a woman be in charge."   He found these lessons exhilarating.  He paused in his story, "but, I'm not cheating!!! We aren't having sex and I really like how she makes me feel."  It's as if he was trying to convince himself more than he was trying to convince me.  

I would love to be able to tell you that this man conquered this illicit behavior but I cannot.  His life became a disaster.  

One night when he was talking to this young woman on the phone, his wife happened to be listening on the extension.  The next day, when he got home from work, he found his belongings on the yard, the locks changed and a court injunction prohibiting him from ever seeing his wife again.  The divorce proceedings were quick and he soon found himself on the street with no home.

I haven't had any contact with him since.  I don't know where he is and I don't know if he got help.  I do pray for him, hoping that he has turned to God and is living a life that represents Christ well.

Why do I tell you this story?  I guess you need to know that it is easy for men to rationalize their sinful behavior.   Men have a tendency to compartmentalize their behavior and think that their lives cannot be affected.  

God has something to say about this.  ‎"The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, a puzzle that no one can figure out. But I, God, search the heart and examine the mind. I get to the heart of the human. I get to the root of things. I treat them as they really are, not as they pretend to be."   

So, what is in your heart?  
Are you pretending?  
Ask God to give you a new heart.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

If you stumble into sin, believer, don't give up; don't allow hopelessness to consume you, the deceitfulness of sin to blind you, or the weight of shame to defeat you. In the morning and evening prayer we pray, in part, the following: "I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not fall" (Ps. 16:8). Christ is at your right hand, and this fall shall not be final for you; He took the final fall. 

Yes, you may feel as though your worst day has cast a shadow over you that will never break to show the light of day, but, happily, you're wrong. God, in Christ, has declared you to be righteous (2 Cor. 5:21). Of the righteous we read: "for though they fall seven times, they will rise again" (Prov. 24:16NRSV). You will rise, friend, because Christ will lift you up. He took the ultimate fall in order that you should rise. 

No one knows how many times I've had to encourage myself, thinking these thoughts, repeating the words of this post to myself. How I didn't play dead but arose from sin is a testimony to God's sheer grace. This post is as much an exhortation to myself as it is for anyone else experiencing difficulties or tragedies, whether self-caused or otherwise.

What do you do on the worst day of your life? Rise: not because you're inherently worthy of being named righteous. Rise because the one who took the ultimate fall declares you righteous. Rise because, though you sinned, though you deserve the fate of the wicked like the rest of us, there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Rom. 8:1). 

But rise, too, because you neither honor the Lord nor serve the body of Christ by remaining fallen. Don't play dead, possum. In Christ you have been made alive (Col. 2:13). Play dead to your old, sinful nature or past. But in Christ, even when you sin, don't play dead -- don't remain defeated. In Him you are more than one who has conquered all spiritually negative realities (Rom. 8:37). "So if you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God" (Col. 3:1 NRSV). 

You can avoid re-offending others by rising, and thinking healthy, spiritual thoughts: "whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things" (Phil. 4:8). All offenses begin with thoughts. We are instructed to destroy arguments raised up against the knowledge of God. 

But the apostle Paul also added, "We destroy arguments and every proud obstacle raised up against the knowledge of God" (2 Cor. 10:5 NRSV, emphasis added). How many thoughts rise up against the reality of God's holy existence and righteous standards? We are taught to destroy such thoughts, to take them captive and make them obedient to Christ (2 Cor. 10:5). 

I picture such thoughts as personified. I imagine capturing them, putting them into a prison cell, while Christ stands watch over them as Guard. If I fail to do so, then I may entertain such thoughts, have them affect me emotionally, and then obey them. When I obey them, I sin. "But one is tempted by one's own desire, being lured and enticed by it; then, when that desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin, and that sin, when it is fully grown, gives birth to death. Do not be deceived, my beloved" (James 1:15-16 NRSV). 

But when you sin, no matter the degree, take it immediately to Christ. "If we confess our sins, he who is faithful and just will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9 NRSV). Don't let sin drag you into a hopeless, despondent, dejected place, out of which you feel impossible to escape. By His grace and forgiveness you rise up, and you keep rising up. You don't rise up only once. You will need to rise up every time you fall. 

More than that, you will need to rise up every time you think about a past fall. Such thoughts about your past have a tendency to paralyze you emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Paralyzed, you will play dead. No: in Christ you must rise up from the guilt of your past. Though you fall seven times a day, you will rise -- you must rise (Prov. 24:16). 

The Lord foreknew every sin you would ever commit when He by grace through faith in Christ saved your soul. You don't ever take Him by surprise by any thought, desire, or action. In Christ He has already declared you holy, sanctified (set apart from the world and for His service and care), and righteous. You don't let Him down because you don't hold Him up.

You are becoming more and more like Christ (Rom. 8:29), slow as such may seem, and your heavenly Father understands completely all of your eccentricities, particularities, and unique qualities. This is how, you see, you keep on rising. Give your defeats to the One who defeated sin, death, and hell (1 Cor. 15:56-57; 1 John 3:8). Give your hopelessness to the God of hope (Rom. 15:13). Whatever you do, don't play dead, possum, but rise.    

This post was written by William Watson Birch.  You can find the original post with comments here:       http://www.classicalarminian.com/2013/01/saturday-devotion-dont-play-dead.html

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

I was tasked with assessing a man regarding his sexual addiction.  

Unfortunately, his tale was all too familiar.  

As he sat across from me telling me that he is now considered a sexual offender and must register with the local police every time he moves, he started to unfold his story.  He told me that he had found his Dad's stash of Playboy and Hustler magazines when he was just eight years old.  

That is a bad sign...  The earlier a man is exposed to porn the greater are his chances that he will become addicted and the greater are his chances of getting into legal trouble.

The more he looked at porn, the more he wanted to look at porn.  (Interesting cycle, don't you think?)  The more he looked at porn, the more he fantasized about doing what he was watching on the porn movies.  

The more he watched porn, the less developed his social skills became.  This happens because porn causes a man to be selfish and just think about his own pleasure.  Friendships are unnecessary.  Girls are unnecessary because the girls in porn movies and magazines are always accessible and there for a man's pleasure.

It's a terrible cycle that entraps a man.  He wants to approach girls but fears rejection.  He wants to do the things he fantasizes about but he fears she will say no.  Finally, his isolation led him to frustration and he decided he would act upon some of his fantasies.  

A really weird thing about men addicted to porn is that they think that women are turned on by seeing male genitalia.  The porn that men watch gives a terribly distorted perspective of sexuality.  In actuality, women are more attracted to an intimate relationship than the male physique.

This man started to act upon his fantasies from the porn that he had been viewing over the years.  

One of his fantasies was that he would "accidentally" leave his zipper down and a woman would notice and become aroused.   He would walk around in grocery stores with his zipper down, fantasizing about his inevitable sexual encounter.  He was disappointed that no women noticed.

So, he developed another plan.  He decided that he would sit in his car close to the exits of stores with his pants open and hope that women would see and become aroused.  That didn't work either.  

So, his next step would be to call women over to his car, "to ask a question" and hope that with his pants open, they would notice, be sexually aroused and want to be with him.   He continued to be very disappointed.

He thought, because of his distorted perspective of women and sexuality, that what women were wanting to see was that he was sexually aroused, that he was erect, ready for sex.  So, he would sit in his car and fantasize about a woman jumping into his car and they would drive to a secluded place for a sexual encounter.  

One morning, while he was sitting in his car masturbating and fantasizing, he rolled his window down and asked a woman to come over because he had a "question" he wanted to ask her.  She approached his car, looked at him and where his hand was and instantly became repulsed.  She noted his license plate and called the police when she got home.  

She made a report to the police and he was arrested and prosecuted.  His prosecution was made public, his family was embarrassed and he lost his job.  

As he finished his story, I asked, "have you gotten rid of your porn?"  I knew his answer would be "no."  I was right.  The court wanted recommendations at the end of my assessment.  My recommendations were necessary:  no cable tv, no vcr/dvd player, no internet, no smart phone, no porn.  If he was caught in possession of any of these items, he would go to prison.  Also, he needed intensive counseling.  If this failed, then he would need residential treatment.

However, when the judge found out that he had not given up his porn, he acted swiftly.  This man immediately went to prison.  

Wouldn't it be nice if all of my stories ended in a positive note?  

This is a depressing, disgusting story.

Porn wins.

"Behold, you have sinned against the LORD and be sure that your sin will find you out."

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

“My car ran out of gas and it stranded me on the highway for a while.” “The store at the mall declined my credit card because it was maxed out.” “I didn’t get my coffee today”.

Have you ever heard phrases like these? Have you ever been the one to say them?

In our culture, I hear phrases like these every day. Sometimes, I hear them on TV, sometimes in the midst of counseling sessions, and more often online. The attitude behind these statements reflects a reason for the deterioration of the world around us.

It is a victim mentality that convinces us that everything that is bad in this world is a personal attack.

As a result of this idea, we fail to take responsibility for our own actions. If your car ran out of gas, it may be because you didn’t fill it (sometimes it is a money issue). If you are on a shopping spree for things you don’t need, and your credit card declines…then maybe one of the culprits could be your spending habits.

Also, yes, you are still responsible for your behavior if you did not get your coffee…go to bed earlier if possible! Granted, there are times when we can’t help or prevent what happens to us, but true character is displayed when we respond to these adversities in a noble manner.

Now before I start getting hate mail accusing me of being judgmental, it is important to note that I have fallen victim of a victim mentality many times in my life. I was convinced that the bad I was experiencing was happening to me and I never questioned whether I was contributing.

If we never take responsibility for what we have caused, what we have done, or who we have hurt, then our spiritual growth will be stunted. We will never see the need for redemption and will continue to believe that the world is out to make our lives miserable. This is no way to live.

Examine yourself. 
Take steps to grow.

This post was written by Rev DeCrastos.  For the original post, go to:  http://other-words.net/2012/12/05/oops-did-i-just-say-that/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

Is it appropriate to reveal a long held hidden secret in this type of blog? I am not sure, but today I am going to do just that. This secret is one that my brother and I have been holding on to since the late 80’s. In fact, he may object to the fact that I am revealing this secret. Okay, here it goes…

When we were younger, my brother and I were playing in the field behind our house.  Like normal boys who didn’t listen to the voice of reason (and ironically had a firefighter for a father), after jumping ramps with our bikes we became bored and decided to light small things on fire (leaves, trash, etc). Well as you could imagine this got out of hand quickly and soon a large fire erupted and engulfed a significant portion of the field. The next few minutes felt like an eternity. All we had were cardboard boxes that we had brought some things in so we thought it would be a great idea to somehow try to put the fire out with these boxes. This was a bad idea. Eventually, after kicking sand on the fire everything was fine. From then on we vowed to not reveal our secret until we were adults and were guaranteed not to get in trouble.

We are brothers, so you already know that we used this event to blackmail each other, and force each other to do the other’s chores. All we had to do was look at each other and say “I will tell Mom and Dad about the matches”…and all arguments would cease. The truth was always kept hidden to control the other sibling.

As humans, our tendency in life is to attempt to make our situation look better than it is. We try to hide or even ignore the truth when it is inconvenient because we feel like people will look down on us or we will even get “in trouble” if we are transparent.

If all truth belongs to God then it stands to reason that living a life that embraces truth will lead to blessing. Doing the right thing will never return void…it may hurt at first, but it will always benefit.

Trust in God today. Do what is right.  

More tomorrow...

This post was written by Rev DeCrastos.  You can find the original post here:
http://otherwordsdotnet.wordpress.com/2012/09/29/getting-in-trouble/

No more lying then. Everyone must tell the truth to his fellow believers because we are all members together in the body of Christ.

Honesty is essential to recovery. Honesty is essential to intimacy. 
But honesty is not easy.

We were not created to be isolated, independent creatures. We were created to be interdependent. We need each other. And in order for us to be helped by others and to be helpful to others, we need to practice honesty. That means we must learn how to talk to each other about our thoughts and our feelings and our needs. We must learn to talk about our struggles and failures, about our dreams and our successes.

Honesty is the soil in which intimate relationships grow. It creates the possibility of being known and loved for who we really are. But it is also full of risks. If we tell the truth about ourselves, people may not listen. They may not want to know. They may not understand. They may judge and reject. They may dislike us. They may give us simple answers to unanswerable questions. They may repeat what we have said to others.

We hesitate to be honest because we have experienced these things in the past. Our feelings may have been minimized. Our thoughts may have been devalued. Our reality may have been denied. But in order to grow healthy relationships, in order to heal and recover, we need to begin to take risks. Learning honesty will be a process for us. It will not come quickly. But as we practice the disciplines of honesty we gradually become more secure in telling the truth.

I am tired of lying, when it would be just as easy to tell the truth.
But I am afraid of honesty, Lord.
It's not as easy as it sounds.
Help me to pursue honesty today.
Help me to be honest with you.
Help me to be honest with myself.
Help me to build a community of faith
where honesty is the norm.
Build in me a capacity for truth.

Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan
National Association for Christian Recovery

The more you practice a lie, the better you get at it, say the results of a new study.

Published Nov. 12, 2012 in the journal Frontiers in Cognitive Science, the study found that, after 20 minutes of practicing their cover story, liars could respond just as quickly and easily to lies as to the truth. Moreover, they were no more likely to slip-up on falsehoods than on the truth.

"After a short time of training, people can be very efficient at lying," said Xiaoqing Hu, a study co-author and psychology doctoral candidate at Northwestern University. "The difference between lying and being honest has been eliminated after the training."

Though people lie for myriad reasons, it's no easy task. Lying takes a lot of brainpower because it requires holding contradictory information in mind (the truth and the lie), while inhibiting the urge to tell the truth. Children are terrible liars and only improve as they mature. And several studies have found that people take longer to tell a lie than to tell the truth.

"Lying is a difficult, because honesty is the default communication mode," Hu told LiveScience.

But past studies mostly tested people's ability to offer a deception with no practice. In real life, criminals usually practice and perfect their alibis before facing a police interrogation. 

Hu and his colleague wanted to see how lying changed with practice. They asked 16 people to essentially play at espionage by remembering three facts for a false identity: their new name, a new date of birth and a new hometown.

Researchers then asked volunteers to answer a question ("Is this true of you?") for different facts about their true self, and to press a "yes" or "no" button in response, while the researchers measured response time and accuracy.

The liars were then asked to practice lying by pressing "yes" whenever a fact from their false identity appeared and "no" when true details were presented. (A control group of 16 people performed the same trial, but answered yes to the truth.)

After 270 trials, or about 20 minutes of training, liars were indistinguishable from truth-tellers on accuracy and response time.

"We think that, psychologically, the people basically learned that this is not me and the fake identity is me," Hu said.

The team is currently studying whether other measures of lying, such as polygraph machines or EEG brain wave measurements, can reveal practiced deception, or whether lies are completely undetectable using current methods, he said.

The findings have implications not just for would-be criminals, but also for lie-detection research, which usually attempts to spot deception immediately after a person is asked to lie.

"But in the real world, after a crime, there is usually a delay between the crime and the interrogation," giving the criminal a chance to practice their falsehood, he said.

Hu's team is currently studying whether people can improve their lies when asked to provide a false memory of events — for instance, when creating an alibi after a burglary.

[The more you lie, the more you believe your own lies.]
[The more you lie, the easier it becomes to lie.]  

This post was taken from:  http://www.livescience.com/25057-practice-improves-lying.html

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

I’ve been reading much on blogs and other sites that we are heading toward persecution here in the West.  As our society grows more and more tolerant of sin, they will begin to turn their hatred toward anyone who preaches against sin or who cries that their view is the only true truth such as Jesus being the only way to God (John 14:6) or even that Jesus is the only true God (1 Timothy 6:15-16).  Postmodernism loves tolerance (so long as you agree with them on what is right) and embraces ambiguity as a virtue.  Thus our culture adores anyone who claims that they embrace mystery (such as emergents) above truth or who teaches that they we all are accepted by God no matter what our lifestyle or what god we worship or don’t worship.  Our culture will indeed lash out at anyone who claims absolute truth such as true disciples of Jesus (John 17:17) or who claim that salvation comes only through Jesus Christ or even the fact that we need a Savior is offensive to them (Romans 3:10-18).

Yet I am convinced that Satan doesn’t care about the church that meets and doesn’t seek to preach the gospel both to the church and to the lost.  Satan doesn’t care that you meet in a house with other disciples so long as you do nothing in the process.  He doesn’t care that you read your Bible.  He doesn’t care that you claim Christianity.  Satan will only begin to attack when you begin to step out of your comfort zone and begin to seek to glorify God through faithful evangelism and praise to Jesus’ name openly and without shame (Acts 4:29-31).  The church that just meets, sings a few songs, talks about Jesus, prays a little, and goes home is not what causes havoc in the kingdom of darkness.  It is those disciples of Jesus who follow Him daily and seek to engage our world with His gospel whom Satan despises and will attack.

The good thing about entering these dark days is that the true Church will arise.  Those who have been playing games with faith, not truly saved by the Lord, and those living in sin will be exposed.  A time of separation is coming.  True disciples of Jesus need not fear (John 16:33).  We know from God’s Word that true disciples will face persecution (2 Timothy 3:12; 1 Peter 4:12-19).  We know that God is faithful to those who remain steadfast in Him (Revelation 2:10).  Our lives do not matter.  Only eternity matters (2 Corinthians 4:16-18).  Even now prepare yourself to embrace Jesus as your everything being willing to lay all down for Him and His glory (Luke 9:23-25).  Do not dread but rejoice because our God is the one true and living God and He will reign forever and ever!

This post is written by the Seeking Disciple.  You can view his original post here: 
http://arminiantoday.com/2012/11/18/satan-doesnt-mind-you-if-you-remain-comfortable/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

“Now on the twenty-fourth day of this month the children of Israel were assembled with fasting, in sackcloth, and with dust on their heads.” Nehemiah 9:1 (NKJV)

There are a couple of things we need to understand about this verse. The first is that their sorrow for sin is in connection with hearing the Law. In Nehemiah 8 the Law was read and explained to them. As the Law was preached they were made aware of their transgressions of God’s Law and this brought a deep conviction upon them. Conviction of sin is almost always connected to hearing God’s Word.

The second thing we have to notice is their response to this conviction. They assembled while fasting and wearing sackcloth and dust on their heads. This was all a sign of great mourning for their sin. When you read the Scriptures, particularly the Old Testament you find that the people fasted when they were mourning over sin. I’m not 100% sure of the significance of fasting when accompanying mourning unless it was to show that they were so distraught over their sin that they couldn’t even eat. The significance of the sackcloth and ashes was that of humiliation. They were showing outwardly what was going on inwardly. Inwardly they were so grieved over their sin against God that they were humiliated by it. So they demonstrated their grief and humiliation by wearing a burlap sack and putting dirt on their heads.

Biblical repentance always includes a godly sorrow for the sins committed.

“Now I rejoice, not that you were made sorry, but that your sorrow led to repentance. For you were made sorry in a godly manner, that you might suffer loss from us in nothing. For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death.” (2 Corinthians 7:9-10 NKJV)

One of the things that’s important to take away from this passage is not all sorrow is a godly sorrow. The Bible says that there is a godly sorrow for sin that leads to repentance and salvation. There is also a worldly sorrow for sin that leads to death. We have to know the difference so that we can ensure that the sorrow we feel at our sin is the godly sorrow that leads to repentance and salvation.

Let me take a minute and explain what godly sorrow is not. Godly sorrow is not being sorry you were caught. If the only sorrow produced in your life when you sin is a result of someone finding out about your sins, you are not genuinely sorry for your sins. You are sorry you got caught in your sins.

Godly sorrow is not being afraid God is going to punish you for your sins. If the only sorrow produced in your life when you sin comes because you are afraid that God is going to break your leg, burn down your house, do something to your children or do something else to punish you, you are not genuinely sorry for your sin. You fear God’s punishment. To fear God’s punishment and to be sorry for sin is not the same thing.

To be sorry you were caught or be sorry because you are afraid of God’s punishment are examples of worldly sorrow that leads to death. The reason they lead to death is because they do not really turn us to God and they do not produce a change in our lives. When someone is sorry they were caught they are only sorry and only pretend to change while the shame of being caught remains. Once the shame is over the change goes out the window and they go back to doing what they were doing only this time they are more careful.

When someone is sorry because they are afraid of God’s punishment they are only sorry and only pretend to change while the fear of punishment remains. Once the fear of punishment is gone the change goes out the window and they go back to doing what they were doing before.

Godly sorrow is very different from this. With godly sorrow we feel grief or sorrow for the sin committed whether anyone finds out or not. With godly sorrow we feel grief or sorrow for the sin committed whether God chastises us for that sin or not. Basically it means that you are sorry you committed the sin regardless of any other circumstances. It is to be sorry you have sinned against God.

In the world we live in one of the greatest crimes you can commit against humanity is to make someone feel bad about themselves. We live in a world where people feel they are entitled to always feel good. On the other hand the Bible teaches that if we sin against God, we won’t always feel good about ourselves because Biblical repentance always involves a godly sorrow for the sins we’ve committed against God.


This post was written by Rev Ross.  You can find the original post at:  http://stacyjross.wordpress.com/2012/11/09/sorrow-for-sin/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.