Dreams are odd. In dreams we can fly, shape shift, transmogrify, meet people that we admire and also be turned on sexually. There is also a psychological technique called "lucid dreaming" where one learns the techniques to manipulate dreams.
Men, when they are teens, experience "wet dreams" that are usually intensely sexual. So, men have a history from early in their lives of connecting dreams to sexual arousal. Many of the men that I counsel tell me that their dreams often trigger their sexual acting out.
How does one handle sexual dreams? Often they are not under our conscious control. So, are we responsible for our dreams? Are we responsible for our acting out sexually when aroused by a dream? How does one stay pure, even while sleeping?
You are VERY responsible if you practice lucid dreaming. If you purposely manipulate your dreams, then you will be accountable for such.
However, there are things that one can do to try and keep one's dreams from turning too sexual:
1. Pay attention to what you think about while you are falling asleep.
2. Memorize scripture that you can repeat in your mind while falling asleep. Philippians 4:8 is a scripture that is made for just such an occasion. Proverbs 4:23 and Malachi 2:15 are excellent as well.
3. Pray while you are falling asleep. This is a great time to talk to God.
4. In your prayer, ask God to protect your mind while you sleep. God can do that, if you learn to count on His faithfulness.
5. Pay attention to what you watch on TV, in the theatre and on the internet, especially right before you go to sleep. You may have to take the TV out of your bedroom. Dreams often are an amalgamation of our daily experiences.
6. If you work with a professional counselor, you can dissect your dreams to help understand them a little bit. Even though a dream may be sexual, the core of the dream may also be something that you need to confront in yourself.
If you wake up sexually aroused from a dream, what can you do to prevent acting out?
1. Urinate. Many times an erection is simply the result of a full bladder.
2. Read something non-sexual. Opening God's Word and talking to God about what you are physically feeling is way of strengthening your relationship with HIm and beating temptation.
3. Call a member of your accountability group.
4. Take a cold shower.
5. Stay away from TV and the Internet while you are aroused.
6. Do not recreate the dream in your mind. Distract yourself by thinking in a pure manner.
So, even though your dreams are often not under your conscious control, you can control what you watch and think throughout the day. God is faithful. If you ask Him for His assistance in this area, He will help. Also, arousal does not mean that you have to do something sexual. You can choose to act out or you can choose not to act out.
BE A MAN.
Research shows that there are five predictable steps a man goes thru as he becomes addicted to pornography. I'm not saying that everybody who looks at pornography becomes addicted to it. However, porn has a powerful effect on men, their relationships and how they view women. There is some research to indicate that pornography has a higher addiction potential than cocaine and harder to quit than cocaine. It is believed that's how Ted Bundy got started. When the porn he was addicted to wasn't enough anymore, he tried the real thing — rape, and then murder. When he succeeded, he did it again. And again. Pornography addiction is very serious.
Five stages of addiction
- Early exposure. Most guys who get addicted to porn start early. They see the stuff when they are very young, and it gets its foot in the door. The earlier a guy is exposed, the higher the chance for addiction.
- Addiction. Later comes addiction. You keep coming back to porn. It becomes a regular part of your life. You're hooked. You can't quit. You convince yourself that porn is normal and that everyone does it.
- Escalation. After a while, escalation begins. You start to look for more and more graphic porn. You start using porn that would have disgusted you when you started. Now it excites you. You start getting into sadism, bondage,bestiality, etc. You may even start mixing drugs with your porn experiences. There is a very LARGE connection between cocaine use and sexual addictions.
- Desensitization. Eventually, you start to become numb. Even the most graphic, degrading porn doesn't excite you anymore. You become desperate to feel the same thrill again but can't find it. The "highs" that you used to get last such a short time, that they feel almost nonexistent.
- Acting out sexually. At this point, many men make a dangerous jump and start acting out sexually. They move from the paper and plastic images of porn to the real world. They have affairs, one-night stands, multiple sexual encounters, etc. They may even start to stalk women, unable to differentiate their sexual fantasies from reality. Finally, they move to committing unwanted sexual activity and are arrested for their behavior.
Some of you reading this may have already developed an addiction to porn. If you see any of the patterns I've described above in your life, you need to put the brakes on right now. Is porn beginning to control your life? You can't put it down — you keep going back for more? Perhaps you find yourself needing to see increasingly graphic pornography. You're masturbating more and more often. You're starting to take risks or act out physically for sexual thrills. If you see yourself at any point on this progression, you are in serious trouble, and you need to realize it — and get help.
This information is taken from the TROUBLED WITH site of Focus on the Family. You can find this entry by clicking here.
BE A MAN.
Pornography is instant gratification while relationships take time, effort, and investment. Of course, we do live in an "on demand" culture so what's wrong with instant? Instant requires no long-term commitments, no patience, and no sustained effort. It's just there when you want it. Instant works with iced tea, right? Why not sex? The truth is that while "instant gratification" has its appeal, it will never replace or hold up to the satisfaction of a healthy sex life in the context of a loving and committed marriage. Here are a few reasons why:
First, porn is a hamburger (not even a quarter pounder) while healthy marital sex is a fillet. Porn is quick, fast, and offers no lasting satisfaction. When you get done your "quality time" with your tissue box do you ever say, "That was amazing ... I'm totally satisfied!" The answer is probably not. I'd guess it's more like, "That did the job but I wish I would have found a better scene or held out just a little bit longer before I fired off the ol' rocket." I'm not going to tell you that every time you have sex with your wife it will be "the best ever" but if your sex life is healthy it should be satisfying. Why? Because it's more about intimacy versus a quick hit. Sex with my wife gives me a sense of appreciation from her that a computer screen can't ever offer. It is an incredible bonding experience physically, mentally and spiritually. Porn may be instant but the satisfaction it offers pales in comparison to the enjoyment I get from sex with my wife.
Second, porn offers no companionship. A healthy marital sex life not only gives spouses pleasure but it gives them a sense of companionship. When you get done with your porn what do you have? I mean besides some guilt, shame & a small mess to clean up. Porn doesn't ask you how your day was. It doesn't want or care to hear about what you think or feel. Porn will never come along side of you when facing hardship and say, "It's OK … we'll do this together." Porn quite frankly doesn't give a crap about you or your life; it's there whether you want it or not and the only thing it cares about is the money it generates. It may sound strange, but I'm very thankful that when I get older and less "viral" that I will still have an amazing companion who's also my lover. When you are 70 walking down the beach porn won't be there to hold your hand and see the sunset, your spouse will be. Porn may be easy but it doesn't offer anything lasting like loving companionship.
Third, porn is isolating while marital sex is a joint venture. Most people are social creatures by nature. We rather enjoy life’s moments with others instead of by ourselves. Would you rather go to a football game by yourself or with some friends that you can high five when your team scores (btw, why do we do that? It’s not like we had anything to do with it)? Hardly anyone says, “Hey I’m going to grab a beer after work … please don’t join me!” When we go out to eat it’s always better with someone even if it is our crazy uncle because at least we don’t have to sit at a table alone while the wait staff stares at us with puppy dog eyes because we look lonely and pathetic. Likewise, sex with your spouse is a shared experience. You are enjoying it with each other … not just by yourself. Porn however is not like this. You don’t hear guys saying, “Hey after work let’s all go back to my house, watch some porn and masturbate!” Porn is a very lonely and isolating experience. It’s just you, your computer, a bottle of lotion and some paper products. There is no shared enjoyment whatsoever; no conversation about how good the sex was and what you liked the best (unless you talk to your computer – that’s a whole different issue). Why settle for the isolation of a porn fueled masturbation session when you can experience sex with a spouse who’s mutually enjoying the experience? Again, porn may be quick and easy but it’s a solo venture.
These are just three reasons why healthy sex in the context of a committed and loving relationship trumps the instant gratification that comes with porn and masturbation. Maybe you don’t care about these things. Maybe you like it just being you in front of a computer screen with your pants around your ankles. That is your choice. However, I assure you that in the long run porn will never completely satisfy nor will it offer any long term benefits. It’s fast food sex that comes with no happy meal. You can do better!
This post was written by Carl Thomas. For the original post with comments, go to: http://www.xxxchurch.com/men/quote-quentin-crisp.html
BE HOLY.BE A MAN.
Men who read and watch a lot of pornography have active imaginations and often live in a fantasy world. Pornography messes with a man's mind. His reasoning changes.
Men who are avid fans of pornography develop an unusual perspective on women. They view women as sex objects. They forget that woman have their own motives, ideas and plans.
Many times women's motives, ideas and plans do not include men.
A man with an addiction to pornography cannot understand the previous sentence.
These men cannot imagine that women are really not always "on the prowl" looking for sexual encounters. What these men forget is that almost all pornography is written and directed by men. Therefore, men who use pornography develop a perspective of women that women exist just for men's satisfaction. These men's minds have become programmed by the pornographers.
When men get this distorted perspective of women, they are prone to act out. They have fantasies and often want to do what they see on TV, in the movies, and on the computer.
Let me tell about one man's reprehensible actions. This man had a fantasy that he would encounter a woman he did not know who would be wanting to have sex with him.
This man would spend a fair amount to time in the mall, sitting outside of women's clothing stores deciding which woman would be the one with whom he would have sex.
He saw a certain woman and decided that he found a woman who would fulfill his fantasy...
His fantasy was one that he played over and over in his mind, just like the movie he played over and over on his DVD player. In this fantasy, he would follow a woman who just purchased lingerie. As she walked from the store, she would turn and look back in a flirtatious manner on her way to her car and then he would follow her. He imagined she would drive to a secluded area where she had kept her lingerie on from trying it on in the store and then they would have a sexual encounter in his van or even better, she would drive to a motel and they would share a room.
Do you see how distorted this man's reasoning is? What woman, in reality, would actually do what he is fantasizing? But that's what happens to men who view porn, they think all women are ready for sex when a man wants to have sex.
He spotted this particular woman and realized that he had seen her several times before in the mall. On one occasion, he thought she had actually looked at him and smiled. That meant that she wanted to have a liaison with him.
He followed her down the mallway. She would turn and look back every so often and he felt encouraged. He knew his fantasy was going to be a reality!
What this man did not know because his reasoning was so out of whack is that the woman was fearful. She was looking back because she was watching him. She didn't like that he was following her.
She went to her car quickly (which he interpreted that she was so excited that she wanted to get to their encounter rapidly) and he got into his car and followed her as she drove away. She drove a rather circuitous route and he was closely following her, fantasizing about what was about to happen.
The next thing he knew, he was awakened from his fantasized induced stupor when she pulled into a parking space at the local police station.
This man was fortunate, he had enough reasoning to realize he was about to be in trouble. He quickly drove off and went home. That was when he finally understood that he needed help. That's when he called a counselor to get help.
I won't get into this man's counseling as that is not the point of this post; however, suffice it to say this was a turning point for him. He decided he needed to change. He was lucky. He wasn't charged with a crime. He could be sitting behind bars.
Do you catch the point of this post?
Pornography always takes. It never gives up. It is insidious. It ruins a man.
It changes the way you think.
Dump your stash/cache.
Stop watching "adult" programming.
Get rid of those movies.
Stop wasting time on the internet.
Ask your pastor for help.
Be a real man.
BE A MAN.
In mid-2006, the world of porn underwent a transformation. The major players all introduced YOUtube-style streaming videos. Before this momentous event, you had to download the video, then open it, and risk getting a virus. Sometimes you didn't have the right software, so you spent a lot of time making sure it was what you wanted to see before downloading it and 'enjoying' it, or you would go to a specific site whose content you liked, watch the one or two new videos and leave it at that.
More recently, porn delivery evolved in the direction of video gallery sites (increasingly referred to as 'tube sites') which aggregate pages of thumbnails of streaming tube videos from different porn sites. No guesswork, no pause while downloading. You look across a matrix of thumbnails of videos with maybe 100 or so screenshots, see a picture that floats your boat and click on it.
However, porn purveyors want hits, so your click may take you to that video, or it may take you to another site that you didn't intend to visit, often another gallery site, which is giving the first site a referral kick-back. Now you've got two pages of thumbnails open. At first, you find that annoying and close one, but after things deteriorate, something on the new page catches your eye and you click on that, making a mental note to go back to the first thumbnail. ....and so on until you find yourself with 20 tabs open.
There are two parts to a physical sexual experience: the build-up of arousal, and then the sex. In "normal" porn there is usually more emphasis on story. It often conveys some intimacy and touch etc. (Even though you are not physically experiencing it, you are mentally connecting more with those thoughts.) But on a tube site a clip is often a mere 3-5 minutes long. You go straight from 0 to 100mph. Arousal isn't a slow, relaxed, teasing build-up of expectation.
Guys all over the Web are complaining of extreme sexual performance problems and other symptoms. While the advent of Internet porn, and then the arrival of highspeed and torrent downloads of porn, increased rates of porn-related problems, many guys didn't notice severe problems until the rise of tube sites.
- Because tube clips are so short, you do a LOT more clicking to novel clips for various reasons: one is way too short to build up arousal; you don't know what will be in the clip till you watch it; endless curiosity, etc.
- The variety on tube sites is limitless.
A professor in the University of Massachusetts Medical School, Division of Preventive and Behavioral Medicine, Sheri Pagoto PhD, writes:
Studies on appetite show that variety is strongly associated with overconsumption. You will eat more at a buffet than you will when meatloaf is the only thing on the table. In neither scenario will you leave hungry but in one you will leave regretful. In other words, [if you want to circumvent overconsumption and its problems] avoid the buffets of life.
Professor Pagoto points out that,
By frequently seeking extreme forms of sexual stimulation, the porn addict will eventually develop an inability to experience sexual pleasure from normal sexual activity; and if the habit goes long enough, an inability to experience pleasure from anything except porn. This pattern of behavior actually changes the brain’s “baseline” of what turns them on. As you can imagine, serious problems develop. First sexual problems, then relationship problems, and then work problems.
It's not that food or sexual arousal are "bad." Things go awry when an activity "become[s] necessary, a 'go to,' preferred over normal life experiences." Not surprisingly, a 2011 study (USA) found that, "Higher frequencies of [porn] use were associated with less sexual and relationship satisfaction."
"Uh-oh...where's my erection?"
Endless in-your-face variety not only promotes higher-than-usual consumption, it typically also decreases sensitivity to pleasure. One common result is decreased feelings of satisfaction; the brain wants more and more.
In the case of porn buffets, another effect men often report is loss of sexual responsiveness. Decreased response to pleasure is common in all addictions, both behavioral and chemical. As erections and orgasm depend in part on sensitivity to dopamine in a key part of the brain, it appears that a decreased sensitivity to dopamine is making some users less sexually responsive too.
But a numbed pleasure response is probably only one factor, especially for the younger guys. They appear to be wiring their sexual response to sexual cues that are so different from human sexuality that they don't respond normally to the "real deal" when a three-dimensional partner turns up.
As with some other technological advances, humanity has apparently outsmarted itself with the creation of tube sites. One insightful observer commented,
If people have the right to be tempted—and that’s what free will is all about—the market is going to respond by supplying as much temptation as can be sold. Market incentive continues well beyond the point where a superstimulus begins wreaking collateral damage on the consumer. —Eliezer Yudkowsky
What makes tube sites the Bermuda Triangle of porn? Judging from men's self-reports we'd say:
- Using a tube site, users seek for, and consume, more novelty per session than ever. They tend to overconsume, and risk numbing their response to sexual pleasure.
- Tube sites offer videos, rather than stills, so the viewer doesn't use his imagination and becomes a passive voyeur, no longer imagining himself as protagonist.
- Clips are shorter than normal sex and "cut to the chase," rewiring users' sexuality to an unnaturally hasty sexual rhythm.
- Hotter thumbnails/clips, endless novelty and abundant material that violates expectations constitute supernormal stimulation, and may rewire users' sexuality to pixels that goose the reward circuitry more than real mates.
- Searches for the perfect clip tend to ratchet up anxiety.
- Tube sites are intense brain-training--but not for real sex, as demonstrated by viewers' unreliable erections with partners.
Another piece of secular research. When will Christians stop hiding their sin?
Even the world has caught on a little bit:
Porn isn't good for you.
Porn isn't good for relationships.
Porn isn't good for society.
This blog post was adapted from an article found on the Psychology Today website:
BE A MAN.
In many ways, humans are like animals. Any dog trainer can tell you that the majority of a trained dog's behavior with its master is simply a matter of training the dog to respond to certain cues.
The male sexual response is similar. I know a young man who really loved his dog and enjoyed spending time with her. At times, he would look out the window and masturbate while watching his dog play in the backyard. Over time, he unknowingly trained his sexual response to his dog. When he would see his dog, he would get an erection. I won't go further, because you know where this young man's behavior ended up getting him into trouble if you've read my posts about The Garbage Collector.
The same is true for pornography. If you look at pornography, you will end up training your sexual response to lascivious pictures. If you lust over the cheerleaders during the Super Bowl and then masturbate to their images, you will respond to those images. Thinking about and masturbating to thoughts and images of someone who is not your wife will lead to problems in your sexual response to your wife and to your soul. Jesus clearly taught this principle, that lusting after a woman is committing adultery.
So, if you have trained your sexual response to someone/something other that your wife, there is hope. The first thing you need to do is starve your eyes. No longer look at pornography, no longer look lustfully at other women. Get rid of your porn. Change channels when the cheerleaders come on and when that Victoria's Secret commercial comes on. When you check into a motel on business, tell them to block all the pay channels on your TV. Learn to anticipate temptation. Be proactive rather than reactive. Next, you must train your mind to be obedient to Christ. Pray this verse every time you find your mind wandering , "brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." Tell your pastor about your decision. Find men who will pray with you and hold you accountable. A professional dog trainer friend of mine in speaking of dog training, told me, "a dog's natural impulses are bent and conditioned to serve the purposes of the trainer. Since we have dominion over creation, the natural impulses of animals, especially those that are domesticated , are to obey/fear us."
However, we humans don't have a natural impulse to obey/fear God. Rather, we have a natural impulse to obey our natural impulses. We are handcuffed by our impulses. That's why it is so important to get our impulses under the control of God. God clearly talks about this. "So put to death your worldly impulses: sexual sin, impurity, passion, evil desire and greed..."
If you feel overwhelmed by your impulses and feel defeated by your inability to resist temptation, know this: For every temptation, there is a way out. How do I know this? Because the Bible reminds us that God is faithful. He doesn't just create us and say, "Good luck! I hope you can ignore sin."
God wants to work in your life so that you don't react impulsively but respond the way that He desires. God wants to remove that selfishness that's within you and transform you so that you learn to please Him. You learn "to serve the purposes of your trainer."
What does "serving the purposes of your trainer" look like? Well, you change channels when Go Daddy puts up a sensuous commercial during the Super Bowl (since when do we need scantily clad women to sell website hosting?). You have paid channels blocked when you check into a hotel. You meet with men who hold each other accountable for godly behavior. You dump your porn.
However, "serving the purposes of your trainer" goes beyond behavior. It goes to a heart change. God wants your sanctification. Sanctification means that you permit God to change you from the inside out and reserve you for His special purposes. Can you let that happen? Yes, you can. Are you humble enough to let God make you into a real man? Yes, you are.
BE A MAN.
I was tasked with assessing a man regarding his sexual addiction.
Unfortunately, his tale was all too familiar.
As he sat across from me telling me that he is now considered a sexual offender and must register with the local police every time he moves, he started to unfold his story. He told me that he had found his Dad's stash of Playboy and Hustler magazines when he was just eight years old. That is a bad sign... The earlier a man is exposed to porn the greater are his chances that he will become addicted and the greater are his chances of getting into legal trouble.
The more he looked at porn, the more he wanted to look at porn. (Interesting cycle, don't you think?) The more he looked at porn, the more he fantasized about doing what he was watching on the porn movies.
The more he watched porn, the less developed his social skills became. This happens because porn causes a man to be selfish and just think about his own pleasure. Friendships are unnecessary. Girls are unnecessary because the girls in porn movies and magazines are always accessible and there for a man's pleasure.
It's a terrible cycle that entraps a man. He wants to approach girls but fears rejection. He wants to do the things he fantasizes about but he fears she will say no. Finally, his isolation led him to frustration and he decided he would act upon some of his fantasies.
A really weird thing about men addicted to porn is that they think that women are turned on by seeing male genitalia. The porn that men watch gives a terribly distorted perspective of sexuality. In actuality, women are more attracted to an intimate relationship than the male physique.
This man started to act upon his fantasies from the porn that he had been viewing over the years.
One of his fantasies was that he would "accidentally" leave his zipper down and a woman would notice and become aroused. He would walk around in grocery stores with his zipper down, fantasizing about his inevitable sexual encounter. He was disappointed that no women noticed.
So, he developed another plan. He decided that he would sit in his car close to the exits of stores with his pants open and hope that women would see and become aroused. That didn't work either.
So, his next step would be to call women over to his car, "to ask a question" and hope that with his pants open, they would notice, be sexually aroused and want to be with him. He continued to be very disappointed.
He thought, because of his distorted perspective of women and sexuality, that what women were wanting to see was that he was sexually aroused, that he was erect, ready for sex. So, he would sit in his car and fantasize about a woman jumping into his car and they would drive to a secluded place for a sexual encounter.
One morning, while he was sitting in his car masturbating and fantasizing, he rolled his window down and asked a woman to come over because he had a "question" he wanted to ask her. She approached his car, looked at him and where his hand was and instantly became repulsed. She noted his license plate and called the police when she got home.
She made a report to the police and he was arrested and prosecuted. His prosecution was made public, his family was embarrassed and he lost his job.
As he finished his story, I asked, "have you gotten rid of your porn?" I knew his answer would be "no." I was right. The court wanted recommendations at the end of my assessment. My recommendations were necessary: no cable tv, no vcr/dvd player, no internet, no smart phone, no porn. If he was caught in possession of any of these items, he would go to prison. Also, he needed intensive counseling. If this failed, then he would need residential treatment.
However, when the judge found out that he had not given up his porn, he acted swiftly. This man immediately went to prison.
Wouldn't it be nice if all of my stories ended in a positive note?
This is a depressing, disgusting story.Porn wins."Behold, you have sinned against the LORD and be sure that your sin will find you out."
BE A MAN.
Where can porn take you? I met a man who confessed to me that he digs thru the garbage dump to collect his porn.
This man belongs to a very conservative sect of Christianity where one does not use electricity. Because he is so separated from modern culture, I asked him how he became addicted to porn. His answer was astonishing. "I was dumping some trash out of a garbage bin and I saw a Playboy in the dump with the centerfold laying open." He had never seen anything like this. He had heard about "centerfolds" and was always intrigued but was thankful that those "worldly temptations" were something he never had to deal with. Nevertheless, He quickly grabbed this magazine and tucked it down his pants. Later that day, when he was alone, he ogled this picture and found himself extremely attracted to the naked woman. He started to fantasize about her and then masturbated to her seductive image.
To me, the message was clear but lost on him: Porn is garbage. It belongs in the garbage. It should stay in the garbage. Garbage in, garbage out.
What the garbage collector didn't know is that porn is insidious
. Porn never gives up.
It keeps taking and taking, offering false feelings of comfort until you end up doing things that you never imagined.
It didn't take long before centerfolds were no longer satisfying to him. He started noticing, at the dump while looking for more centerfolds, other pictures. In these pictures, there were women posing seductively with animals. These pictures sparked further prurient interests for him. He started attempting to have sex with his goat. Over time, he moved on to other animals. His addiction finally caught up with him when he found himself naked in the pig pen on all fours. That's when he came to his senses
and realized that he really, really, really
had a problem.
He was fortunate, because if he had been caught during these activities, he would have been charged with a crime. Zoophilia is illegal
in many U.S. states. The medical issues that can occur are numerous.
However, the legal charges and the medical issues are not as severe as the toll that such behavior takes on a man's soul.
More than zoophilia is the duplicity that this man lived. He would go to church regularly and then engage in these detestable behaviors at other times. That's what the sin of porn does. It causes a man to pretend to be holy.
His energy ends up being consumed by things that weaken him rather than strengthen him.
You may be thinking, "Porn will never do that to me. I can control it." However, let me assure you, porn will win. It always does.
Porn is garbage. It belongs in the garbage. It should stay in the garbage. Garbage in, garbage out.
If you are looking at porn, stop. Get rid of your stash. Tell your pastor about your decision. Become accountable to a counselor and a men's support group.
With God's help, you can stop. BE HOLY.BE A MAN.
There is so much more to this question than just a cut and dry answer. I think when Pastors are approached with this question its easier to answer on the spot than in a blog. Answering this question takes having some background and some more information than just saying Yes or No. Lets look at some questions I have been asked through the years.Is Masturbation OK if we are married?
Many times people get very legalistic about what they can and can’t do with the confines of a marriage bed. As we talk about this the first Caveat is I would never endorse anything that makes someone feel shame or anything that is being forced on one another. Paul uses these words when dealing with our hearts 1 Corinthians 6:12-1312 “All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be dominated by anything. 13 “Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food”—and God will destroy both one and the other. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.
That being said I think there are ways that manual stimulation can be used between a married couple that are fine and don’t need to bring up thoughts of guilt or shame.What if my Spouse and I can’t be together?
I get this question from time to time from military members who are deployed or are separated for some reason from their spouse. The Bible is very clear that you should only have eyes for your spouse. If this brings you closer to your spouse during long separations and doesn’t drive a wedge in your relationship I would say that could be OK. I would beware of the wandering mind and if doing it distracts from thoughts of your spouse I would steer clear of it altogether.My wife isn’t that interested in sex and I am so can’t I do this to tide me over until the next time we have sex?
Although this may seem like its the same question as above I view this differently. Masturbation can distract and be a coping mechanism that isn’t healthy inside of a relationship. I would strongly warn against doing this and labeling it as a need. Sexual appetites are like any others the more you feed them the more they consume us. Excessive masturbation can lead men and women to have a skewed view of sex with your spouse.I’m single and It keeps me from sleeping around. Isn’t this ok?
I would disagree with the thought process here altogether. Jesus said this when dealing with thoughts of the mind.Matthew 5:27-28 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
So if your lusting after women its the same thing. Keeping a pure mind is difficult enough in todays world and adding masturbation and fantasy to it is not going to make that any easier. Masturbation is not simply a physical act it also engages the mind as well, and that is where we need to be extremely careful.Is the act of masturbation alone a sin?
The Bible tells us everything we need to know not everything we want to know. Unfortunately the bible isn’t filled with an FAQ section. The Bible is very specific when it comes to the heart issues that can surround masturbation. The Bible tells us not to worship ourselves, Not to lust after women, That our eyes are the window to our soul, To be careful and guard our hearts and many more things that can relate to this issue. When pressed I don’t think we can say the act in and of itself is a sin but it can cause us to sin and this is why we must be very careful when dealing with this subject.
This post was written by Rod Poepping of XXX Church. The original post with comments can be found here: http://www.xxxchurch.com/men/pastorsblog/what-do-i-do-when-asked-if-masturbation-is-ok.htmlBE HOLY.BE A MAN.
Despite recent strides in "sex addiction" research, the condition does not make the cut as an official psychiatric disorder, according to the American Psychiatric Association.
On Dec. 1, 2012 the APA approved the latest version of its mental health handbook known as the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). The manual includes several new disorders such as hoarding and binge eating.
But guidance for diagnosing and treating sex addiction, formally known as hypersexual disorder
, won't be included.
Although the manual has an appendix that includes "provisional" conditions requiring further research, hypersexual disorder will not appear in this section either.
The decision comes after a study published in October in which researchers tested the proposed criteria for hypersexual disorder, and found that physicians generally disagreed on who should be diagnosed with it — a demonstration of the criteria's reliability and validity.
Rory Reid, a research psychologist at the University of California, Los Angeles, who lead that study, said he was not surprised the APA did not approve hypersexual disorder for the DSM-5, because sexual disorders
are generally controversial.
There are also still questions the APA may want addressed. Studies of the criteria included only people who were already seeking help for a mental condition, or were referred to a mental health clinic, Reid said. So it's not clear whether the criteria would apply in diagnosing people in the general population, he said.
In Reid's study, hypersexual disorder was defined as "recurrent and intense sexual fantasies, sexual urges, and sexual behavior," that lasted at least six months.
Diagnosis requires that these urges cause the patient distress, and aren't brought on by drugs or another mental disorder. The behavior must also interfere with their life, for instance, some patients in the study lost jobs because they could not refrain from watching pornography
and masturbating at work. Developing the criteria was a significant step in the field because it will allow researchers to study the disorder in a uniform way, Reid said.
And although hypersexual disorder is not officially acknowledged in the APA's new manual, Reid said he would see little change in his day to day work.
"People are still coming into the therapist office and saying this is a problem. As a psychologist...I'm going to try to understand what's going on, I'm going to try to help them," Reid said. "That’s true whether it's in the DSM or not."
The original post for this blog can be found at: http://news.yahoo.com/sex-addiction-still-not-official-disorder-192645302.htmlBE HOLY.BE A MAN.