1. Play a sport.  It will teach you how to win honorably, lose gracefully, respect authority, work with others, manage your time and stay out of trouble.  And maybe even throw or catch.  You will also learn personal discipline.

2. You will set the tone for the sexual relationship, so don't take something away from her that you can't give back.

3. Use careful aim when you pee.  Somebody's got to clean that up, you know.  Maybe you should clean it up...

4. Save money when you're young because you're going to need it someday.

5. In your house there is a dishwasher, oven, washing machine, iron, vacuum, mop and broom. Now please go use them.

6. Pray and be a spiritual leader.

7. Don't ever be a bully and don't ever start a fight, but if some idiot clocks you, please defend yourself.

8. Your knowledge and education is something that nobody can take away from you.

9. Treat women kindly. Forever is a long time to live alone and it's even longer to live with somebody who hates your guts.

10. Take pride in your appearance.

11. Be strong and tender at the same time.

12. A woman can do everything that you can do.  This includes her having a successful career and you changing diapers at 3:00 A.M.  Mutual respect is the key to a good relationship.

13. "Yes ma'am" and "yes sir" still go a long way.

14. The reason that they're called "private parts" is because they're "private". Please do not scratch them in public.  No one wants to see your underwear.

15. Peer pressure is a scary thing.  Be a good leader and others will follow.

16. Bringing her flowers for no reason is always a good idea.

17. It is better to be kind than to be right.

18. A sense of humor goes a long way in the healing process.

19. Please choose your spouse wisely.  She will be the gatekeeper for your parents spending time with their grandchildren.

20. Remember to call your parents because they might be missing you.

This post is adapted from a post from the Facebook group Parenthood 101 

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

It was kind of a surreal experience....   We had just arrived at our mission in Quito and here I was less than 48 hours later standing at the graveside of a man I didn't know and hadn't even met.

I watched as the gravedigger dug the grave by hand.  He would occasionally stop and put his chin on top of the shovel and seem interested in what was going on as he rested.  There was hardly anybody there.  Just the man's wife, a couple of other people, the pastor, myself and the Ecuadorian gravedigger.  Being one of the few English speaking churches in town, the widow called the pastor with whom I served on staff and asked that he do the funeral.   I was there as support.  

The story of this man's life ended sadly.  He was a very successful American businessman who had visited Ecuador frequently and ended up buying some lucrative property in Quito so that he could retire.  He had quite a nest egg.  His goal in life was to retire with his wife at this property in Quito and live a life of ease and luxury.  

What was interesting was that this man and his wife arrived in Quito about the same time my wife and I had arrived.  We may have even been on the same airplane.  What he hadn't considered, as he grew older, was that his health wasn't as good as it had been in the past.  Quito has an elevation of over 9,000 feet (btw - Denver has an elevation of just over 5,000 feet) above sea level.  People who visit Quito often come done with Soroche (altitude sickness).  The symptoms are very similar to carbon monoxide poisoning.  The stress of the Soroche that he was experiencing taxed his body and his heart stopped working.  

So, here we have a man who saved his whole life, gathered quite a bit of money and bought some nice property in Quito so that he could retire, and within 48 hours of achieving his goal, he died.  From what his wife described, it also appeared that he died without knowing Jesus as his Savior.  

Jesus talked about this.  He said, "Now what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your soul?"  

Jesus, who taught a parable about a man who amassed fortune and trusted in himself, said, "You fool!  You will die this very night.  Then who will get everything you worked for?"

Having a goal is not bad in and of itself.  However, if your goal excludes God and is just to please yourself, know that you may never reach it.  If you do, it won't last forever.  

Everyone dies.

Then there is reward or payment.

Yet, if you have a goal and it includes God and pleasing Him, you WILL reach it. 
 
"Don't store up treasure on earth..."  

Make heaven your goal.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN

Missionally, churches exist to be a beacon of hope and a safe place for the community. One could look at the church as a spiritual hospital. Those who have wounds can come and their wounds can be bound. What happens, however, when the wounds a person carries was created by a church? I have heard stories of people who flee from churches because of the treatment they received because of their divorce, lifestyle, past, or even because the perception of being “money hungry”.

Let’s face it, churches ask for money regularly. For some, it is a concept that is second nature. Whether it is a bonus check at work, an inheritance, regular pay check, or any other source of income many people choose to give a portion of that money to the church. Others are not used to this idea and are even offended to think that this could possibly be an obligation.

In my other job as an office administrator for a church, I receive 10-15 calls a day asking for money for those who are behind on bills. I also receive the same number of calls from telemarketers wanting to sell me a new service or product that will enhance my life. As a Lead Pastor, I am also approached by people needing help…which I am glad to take part in.

In today’s culture the average Christian gives a little over 2 percent of their income to God’s kingdom (church or other charities).

What’s my point? If the Old Testament legalism says 10 percent, then aren’t we glad that the New Testament was written to get us off the hook? Wait a minute though…if what we learned yesterday is true, and Jesus gives his followers a different standard (care for the widow, orphan etc) then this would mean a different level of responsibility, right? Do you think Christ would say “still continue to trust in God, but not nearly as much as you used to…”?

The church may talk about money a lot…but so does every department store, infomercial, telemarketer, car salesman, shopping mall and magazine ad you come in contact with. Mission shouldn’t need a commercial.

Give extravagantly.

My next post will talk about what I eluded to earlier…a new standard for the way a church should welcome people…people with wounds and imperfections.

The posts this week are written by our pastor in honor of Pastor Appreciation Month.  For the original post, go to:  http://other-words.net/2012/10/16/a-new-standard-pt-2/

You've got to work hard. You’ve got to out-work the other men if you want to feed your family. That’s your responsibility as a man. If you want any men to respect you, if you want your wife to respect you, if you want your children to respect you, you pay the bills. You make the money, you feed the family.



We live in this day where there are guys telling their wives:

• “We can’t have kids”
• “You don't make enough money”
• “I don’t like responsibility.”

BE GENEROUS WITH YOUR WIFE

I know guys well, they’re typically not generous. I know this one guy who makes decent money and he’s totally chintzy with his wife. She gets no spending money, can’t go out to coffee with the girls because he’s a total control freak and tightwad. Be honoring of your wife financially. I’m not saying you have to live at a lavish and high level. 

But what I am saying is live within your means, you make a budget, you tithe, spend, save, invest well. 

I know it’s hard to live on one income. I know it’s particularly difficult in this economic climate, but for some of you boys, it’s a built-in excuse to be irresponsible.

RUN THE NUMBERS RATHER ASSUMING YOU NEED A SECOND INCOME

Statistically, if you have children, and put them in day care so mom can work, the other costs that are associated: eating out, take-out, dry cleaning, car, second phone, cell phone, things of that nature, plus the increased tax breaks and costs and burdens very rarely contribute anything to the bottom line of the family. The taxes alone eat a huge portion of it.

MSNBC did a big study on this years ago and they brought the data to the mothers who dropped their kids off at the day care. “You’re providing nothing to the income of the family,” and the women are bawling, having a nervous breakdown on television, saying, “Well, then why am I even going to work?”

Because that guy doesn’t know how to run numbers on taxes. He’s not smart enough to find somebody to figure it out for him. He just says, “Put the kids in day care, get a job, shoulder half of my curse. Oh and by the way, I forgot to run the numbers, come to find it’s not really helping.”

Honor her financially.

HONOR HER PRACTICALLY

With some guys, the house is a wreck. It’s never finished, the furniture’s broken, the car hardly starts, they live far away from community, they don’t have a schedule, they don’t have a budget, they don’t have a plan, the wife doesn’t know what’s going on.

Honor her practically. Do you have a budget? Do you have a schedule? Do you have an integrated plan? Do you have a life?

Tomorrow, we conclude our series on being a real man in marriage.

This post is adapted from The Mars Hill blog.  It can be found at:  http://marshill.com/2010/12/14/how-to-honor-your-wife/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

Pornography is tearing apart the fabric of our society. You may think this is an overstatement. After reading,“The Social Costs of Pornography” by the Witherspoon Institute, I think it may be an understatement.

In 2008, the Witherspoon Institute sponsored the first multidisciplinary exploration of the social costs of pornography. Scholars from various fields including philosophy, psychology, and medicine were included in the forum. Every major shade of religious belief was represented, including Christianity, Judaism, Islam, agnosticism, and atheism. And both the left and right in American politics were present. They all agreed that there is a substantial multidimensional, empirical record of the harms pornography brings to society. Obviously, such agreement is rare.

Today’s pornography is different from any in the past in three ways. (1) Accessibility.  The Internet has made porn ubiquitous. (2) Quality. Today’s porn is much more hardcore. (3) Consumption. Porn consumption has increased radically with the advent of the Internet. 69% of men and 10% of women report viewing pornography more than once a month. 87% of men admit using it in the past year. The researchers conclude, “In sum, there is evidence that more people—children, adolescents, and adults—are consuming pornography—sporadically, inadvertently, or chronically—than every before” (15).

How does pornography actually harm people? The researchers list a plethora of ways. Each of these points is supported with empirical evidence in the report. Keep in mind that these are objective facts about pornographic consumption, not my subjective opinions.

·      Those who view pornography overestimate how frequently certain sexual acts are actually practiced, which increases one’s willingness to do unconscionable things (18).

·      Porn viewers physically map their brains based on the images they see. Pornographic consumption re-maps the physical structure of the brain (19).

·      Many men who view porn lose the ability to relate to or be close to women (20).

·      Porn viewers become de-sensitized to the barrage of imagery, and as a result, child pornography and violent pornographic images often lose their ability to shock and disgust (20).

·      Women often report distress and harm when discovering that their husbands view porn. They typically feel betrayal, loss, mistrust, devastation, and anger as a result of their partner’s behavior.

·      Porn users have an increased likelihood of divorce and family break-up (23-24).

·      Those who had an extramarital affair were three times more likely to have used Internet pornography than those who had not.

·      Porn leads men to place less value on marital fidelity and more value on casual sex (24).

·      Therapists report seeing fourteen- and fifteen-year-old boys addicted to porn (29).

·      An Italian study reported that boys who view porn were more likely to report having sexually harassed a peer or having forced someone to have sex (30).

·      Adolescent girls who report using pornography are more likely to report being victims of passive violence such as sexual harassment and rape (31).

·      Today’s consumption of pornography encourages sexual exploitation such as trafficking (33).

·      Adolescents who view pornography are more likely to view women as sexual objects (35).

·      Porn consumption raises the risk of sexually risky behavior (35).

·      Men who use pornography are less attractive to potential female partners (37).

·      Exposure to pornography decreases sexual satisfaction with one’s partner for both men and women (38).

·      Chronic pornography use is associated with depression and unhappiness (38).

·      Users often report disgust and shame at finding themselves stimulated by images that would have once repulsed (39).

What do we do? For starters, can you help spread the word about the dangers of pornography? Please consider getting a copy of the report, “The Social Costs of Pornography,” and study it. Talk to your friends about it. Share it with your family and church. Blog about it. Or forward this blog to as many people as you can. There needs to be a renewed conversation about how pornography is damaging this generation. We can no longer ignore the most dangerous health hazard to this generation. Our kids deserve better.

This post was written by Sean McDowell.  The original post can be found here:  http://www.conversantlife.com/morality/the-social-costs-of-pornography

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.