Hogging

05/14/2012

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The young man told me an unbelievable story.  He was telling me about an activity that was popular in his college dorm.  It was called "hogging."  

As he explained what this activity was, it became clear to me that this young man was engaging in a very sinful and demeaning sexual activity.  By many standards, his behavior was considered deviant and misogynous.

Clearly, hogging is when a man purposely seeks out an overweight or unattractive woman to satisfy his sexual appetite.  Many times, it is a game, a form of competition that men do to see who can have sex with the largest woman.  It is not unusual for a group of men at a bar decide to "spice up" the most overweight or unattractive woman or it occurs when it is close to bar closing and a man decided he will "settle" for this woman rather than go home alone.  This type of behavior is disgusting, despicable and wrong on so many levels.    

This young man was starting to feel a twinge of guilt for his behavior.  The night before he was involved in a "rodeo" where his friends hid in his bedroom and took  pictures of his sexual activity and then jumped out and surprised the woman, humiliating her and telling her it was all a competition.  This last encounter ended with the young woman breaking down in tears, angrily crying hysterically and threatening to call the police for sexual assault.  

It's disgusting the path that sin takes in men's lives.  The desire to seek sexual thrills coupled with competition makes men stupid.  This selfishness leads to treating people like objects, forgetting that other people have needs and feelings as well.  

His behavior reminded me of a section of the Bible where Paul is speaking to first generation Christians:  "Don't you know that wicked people won't inherit the kingdom of God?  Stop deceiving yourselves!  People who continue to commit sexual sins..."  Then Paul reminds them that even though they have engaged in sexual sins, that they have changed...  "That's what some of you were!  But you have been washed and made holy, and you have received God's approval..."  

This young man didn't have a Christian heritage on which to build, just like these first generation Christians.  He thought that what he was doing was "normal, what guys do."  Fortunately, the Holy Spirit was speaking to him, letting him know that abusing women and seeking sexual thrills and competition is not "normal." And he was listening...

God takes pleasure in uprightness, in those who seek to please Him before pleasing their own sensual desires and selfishness.  

This young man changed for the better.  He is now walking in righteousness, seeking God's will for his life.   He is forgiven.  He is now made holy.  He is receiving God's approval.

God changed this young man. 

Can you? 
Yes.

Will you? 
Yes.

Allow God to change you. 

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

 
 
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If you remember from yesterday’s post, I left you with me in the Amazon Jungle with five girls.  I was jealous and I was not very cordial on this trip after jealousy set in. 

Sometime on the trip, I don’t know if it was at the hospital or on the trip back, I realized how stupid and selfish I was.  A thought hit me, “You are such a lucky man.  You have a wonderful, beautiful wife and two marvelous sons.  Why in the world do you care about being alone with a high school girl?”  Part of the answer was I was in a competition with the Pastor.  Because he was with the prettiest girl, he was more of a man than I was (or so my ego wanted me to believe). 

The TOURNAMENT MALE syndrome works that way.  My ego was more important to me than anything.   I got jealous. 

When I got back to our apartment in Quito, after the boys were in bed, I told Karyn about this experience.  I told her how I felt and what I discovered about myself.  Karyn said, “yes, I’ve seen that about you and have been praying that God would talk to you about that.” 

That just blew me away.  My wonderful, patient, loving wife chose to let God speak to me about my TOURNAMENT MALE syndrome in His timing rather than confront me directly in her timing. 

I tell you this story, passing on what I learned, hoping it will help you:

-       It’s important to have someone in your life who is willing to pray for you

-       It’s important to be honest with yourself, God and someone who loves you

-       It’s important to listen to God’s Holy Spirit.  He will lovingly confront you about things that need to change in your life.

Let God empower you to keep your ego in check.

Are you a TOURNAMENT MALE?   Every man is.  So, ask God to take you out of the tourney and put you into His hands where you can do what He wants and not be ruled by your jealousy and ego.  

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.


My thanks to Dr Don Joy for this concept of the Tournament Male

 
 
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Men have within them this desire to always be looking for more.  That could be one of the definitions of a TOURNAMENT MALE.  Men have unusual abilities.   For example, a room can be full of men, yet some will attempt to monopolize the only woman in the room.

Men will be talking, many of them with their backs to the door.  A woman will enter the room and the men with their backs to the door will know, I don’t know how we know, but we know when a woman has entered the room.  Maybe we pick up on the observations of the other men that saw her first.  I don’t know how, but we men have this ability. 

A few moments after the woman enters, men will do one and/or two things: 
1) they will check her out, comparing her to their own wife or girlfriend, or if single, compare here with old girlfriends, and/or 2) they will approach her and start talking to her. 

There will ALWAYS be more than one man who chooses option #2.  Hence, the tournament is on…

Let me share with you my experience with being a TOURNAMENT MALE.

Before having been married for 10 years, we moved to Ecuador to counsel missionaries.  I was excited being on the mission field with a young wife and two sons. 

My office was in an English-speaking church in Quito.  On one occasion, we had a group of about six high school girls visit us from America and the Pastor and I took them to the hospital in Shell Mera.  We stopped at one very picturesque part of the Amazon Jungle where there was this waterfall that fed into the Amazon River.  The Pastor and the most attractive girl took off down the trail (she had been sitting in the front with him and they had been carrying on quite a conversation) and I waited back at the van and walked the remaining girls down the trail.  All the way down the trail, I was brooding.  I was thinking to myself, “why does he get to take off all alone with the prettiest girl and I’m stuck with these five?”  (continued)