Many are saying of me, "God will not deliver him." But you are a shield around me, O Lord; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head.

We receive messages about ourselves from the important people in our lives. We internalize these messages and carry them with us, repeating them to ourselves as if they were gospel truth. When the messages are shaming messages then the internal chorus chants "You are not lovable. You are beyond repair. Even God cannot help you."

This chorus is a chorus of lies. The psalmist rejects these lies. And we need to begin to reject these lies as well.

The Lord is a "shield around me", the psalmist says. A shield protects. It comes between the blows of an enemy and a person's vulnerable places. Most shields are small and can only protect a limited area from attack. But the shield which the Lord provides completely surrounds us. We can let this shield protect us from these attacking messages.

The psalmist also says that the Lord "bestows glory on me and lifts up my head". Heavy burdens of shame, neglect and abuse have bowed our heads. The Lord listens, pays attention and cares about us. God's love counters the voices of our internal shame-chorus so that we can lift our heads. God replaces our shame with glory. It is a picture of a ragged, neglected child whose head is bowed and shoulders are bent. A king sees the child and goes to him. The king gently lifts the child's chin until his eyes meet his own smiling eyes. He asks the child to come home and live as royalty with him. The child is loved, honored, protected. You are the child. God lifts your head and bestows glory.

God help me to stop listening to lies about you.
Help me to stop listening to lies about me.
Be a shield around me.
Bestow glory.
Lift up my head.
Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan
National Association for Christian Recovery

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

Last week, we talked about the "Kratos" power of God.  Today, we are discussing the power that is behind Kratos.  "Finally, my brothers, be strong in the LORD and in the power of His might."  Just as Kratos power is available to every believer, so is Ischuos power.  

Ischuos is translated here as "might."  Ischuos conveys the picture of a very, very strong man, such as a bodybuilder or a mighty man with muscular capabilities.  If you look in the verse above, you see that Paul is attributing Ischuos power to God, not to any human.  Paul sees God as One who is able, mighty and muscular.

It is Ischuos that is backing up Kratos.  Kratos, if you remember is the outwardly manifested, eruptive power of God.  Ischuos is the force that works behind the Kratos power.  

All that God is, all the power He possesses, and all the energy of His muscular, mighty ability now energizes the Kratos power that is at work within you.  With this power at your disposal today, you can confront the unseen demonic spirits that come to wage war against your flesh and your soul -- and you can win every time!  Since this power is available to you today, you are ready to lay hands on the sick, pray with power and authority, speak God's Word in every situation, and see mountains move on your behalf!

So the next time that you run into a problem that seems a little overwhelming, remind yourself that "...greater is He that is in you than He that is in the world."  You have no need to be afraid and no need to shrink back in timidity, for there's enough power at work in you to resist ANY force that comes against you and to supernaturally remedy anything that need to be changed!

Taken form Sparkling Gems from the Greek (pg 348-350).

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

Unlike an alcoholic who can abstain and maintain sobriety, the sexual addict has to face the fact of his sexuality.  Celibacy does not resolve the problem.   Hence, the question emerges for addicts as to how they determine when their sexual behavior is addictive.  

The following formula is suggested as a guideline.  Signs of compulsive sexuality are when the behavior can be described using the SAFE acronym:

1.  It is a SECRET.  Anything that cannot pass public scrutiny will create the shame of a double life.

2.  It is ABUSIVE to self or others.  Anything that is exploitive or harmful to others or degrades oneself will activate the addictive system.

3.  It is used to avoid or is a source of painful FEELINGS.  If sexuality is used to alter moods or results in painful mood shifts, it is clearly part of the addictive process.  Also, if sexuality is used to avoid the pleasurable feelings of monogamy , there is trouble.

4.  It is EMPTY of a caring, committed relationship.  Fundamental to the whole concept of addiction and recovery is the healthy dimension of human relationships.  Marriage takes a lot of work.  There are ups and downs in marriage, that is part of what makes a long-term marriage satisfying.  There is a great shared history.  If the addict avoids the work of commitment, he runs a huge risk of being sexual outside of marriage.

If the SAFE acronym applies to you, I urge you to get help.  

This material is taken from the book Out of the Shadows (pg 189).

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

Research shows that there are five predictable steps a man goes thru as he becomes addicted to pornography.  I'm not saying that everybody who looks at pornography becomes addicted to it.  However, porn has a powerful effect on men, their relationships and how they view women.  There is some research to indicate that pornography has a higher addiction potential than cocaine and harder to quit than cocaine.  It is believed that's how Ted Bundy got started. When the porn he was addicted to wasn't enough anymore, he tried the real thing — rape, and then murder. When he succeeded, he did it again. And again. Pornography addiction is very serious.

Five stages of addiction

1. Early exposure. Most guys who get addicted to porn start early. They see the stuff when they are very young, and it gets its foot in the door.  The earlier a guy is exposed, the higher the chance for addiction.
2. Addiction. Later comes addiction. You keep coming back to porn. It becomes a regular part of your life. You're hooked. You can't quit.  You convince yourself that porn is normal and that everyone does it.  
3. Escalation. After a while, escalation begins. You start to look for more and more graphic porn. You start using porn that would have disgusted you when you started. Now it excites you.  You start getting into sadism, bondage, bestiality, etc.  You may even start mixing drugs with your porn experiences.  There is a very LARGE connection between cocaine use and sexual addictions.
4. Desensitization. Eventually, you start to become numb. Even the most graphic, degrading porn doesn't excite you anymore. You become desperate to feel the same thrill again but can't find it.   The "highs" that you used to get last such a short time, that they feel almost nonexistent.  
5. Acting out sexually. At this point, many men make a dangerous jump and start acting out sexually. They move from the paper and plastic images of porn to the real world.  They have affairs, one-night stands, multiple sexual encounters, etc.  They may even start to stalk women, unable to differentiate their sexual fantasies from reality.  Finally, they move to committing unwanted sexual activity and are arrested for their behavior.  

Some of you reading this may have already developed an addiction to porn. If you see any of the patterns I've described above in your life, you need to put the brakes on right now. Is porn beginning to control your life? You can't put it down — you keep going back for more? Perhaps you find yourself needing to see increasingly graphic pornography. You're masturbating more and more often. You're starting to take risks or act out physically for sexual thrills. If you see yourself at any point on this progression, you are in serious trouble, and you need to realize it — and get help.

This information is taken from the TROUBLED WITH site of Focus on the Family.  You can find this entry by clicking here.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

"The back seat of my car can morph into a movie set (they’re usually filming some sort of Lifetime drama), a competitive arcade (we have more gaming electronics than HH Gregg), an MMA cage fighting ring (yes, the pastor’s kids know how to throw down), and even a courtroom (complete with opening arguments, character witnesses, and passionate cross-examination).

And all this in the 6 minute ride from our house to school each morning.

Three kids, two miles, one back seat. As chauffeur, it’s a strange mix of irritating and entertaining. Irrirtaining? As usual, my favorite display will undoubtedly erupt from the 6 year old.

“Emma, watch me blow a snot bubble with my nose.”

“Emma, look at me!”

“Emma!”

“Arghhhhhhh…..Emma! Look back here now!!!!”

“Dad, would you make Emma look at me!”

He’s demanding. Attention. Love. Acceptance. Approval. Laughs. And when big sis doesn’t give it to him, he starts to lose his mind. “Make her give it to me, dad! Make her! Make her!”As adults, we’re not much different. Just (well, sometimes) a bit more discreet. When someone ignores us, disagrees with us, disapproves of us, we absorb it so personally. And out of our deep insecurity we respond with indignation, shaking our fist (figuratively or perhaps at times Metta World Peace-ably) in the face of our offender…

“Love me!”

“Approve of me!”

“Respect me!”

“Agree with me!”

“Accept me!”

The only problem with this approach is that it’s both emotionally exhausting and completely ineffective. The more we demand love and respect, the less the other party desires to give it to us. It creates distance, not connection.

So here’s a little trick I learned from a good friend that’s given me immense freedom in this area of life. When someone disagrees with you, shames you, ignores you, refuses to give you what you want – don’t shake your fist and demand it.

Smile. Laugh.

Seriously, it’s simple and it’s empowering. Makes you much more comfortable with who you are, and much less likely to absorb the rejection you’re feeling inside. Sure it stings, but you can handle it. And the acceptance you’re longing for is much more likely to come if you’re respected. No one runs toward a whiny beggar.

God doesn’t demand love from us, so why should we try and demand it from others? It you have to force it (dad, make her look at me!), it’s not real anyway.

Is there someone who’s love, approval, and acceptance you long for? Are you trying to demand it?"

This post was written by Erik Cooper, an all around good guy and pastor.
For the original post with comments, click here

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN

"We're gonna put our money into a computer rather than marriage counseling."  This was a statement from a man with a rather troubled marriage.  "I don't think counseling is going to help us any.  We can spend time together in front of the computer and find good resources there."  I looked at his wife and she, in a rather pie-eyed fashion, gave her tacit permission towards her husband's solution to their many marriage troubles.  He proceeded with a rather lengthy story about how a new, more powerful computer, would be the solution not only to their family woes but also the difficulties in his marriage.  "We will gather around the computer as a family and make our computer a place of bonding, we'll become stronger if we invest in that rather than counseling."  I attempted to protest but he had won his wife over to his point of view.  They cancelled their remaining sessions and I never saw them again.

Do you think the computer helped this marriage?  A computer is amoral.  It is neither evil nor good.  It is what is done with the computer that brings in the morality.

I have been able to watch this man's behavior from a distance and unfortunately, his life has fallen apart.  His wife divorced him.  Several things transpired that she could not live with:  1) he used the computer for watching porn, 2) he used the computer to develop relationships with numerous women with whom he had affairs, 3) he was arrested for having sex with a patient, 4) he was also arrested for domestic violence and 5) he lost his medical license.  

The computer also affected his children.  One of his children became addicted to pornography (from the same computer), another was charged with sexual molestation and must now register as a sex offender for the rest of his life, the rest of his children have completely cut him off, wanting nothing to do with him.

I'm not saying that if they had continued in counseling that everything would have been perfect and these problems would not have occurred but I think it is ironic that the very thing he convinced his wife would solve all of their problems seriously contributed to his moral failure and the subsequent behavior of his family.  I'm also not saying that the computer was his main problem.  His main problem (in spite of claiming the name of Christian) was old-fashioned selfishness.  He was not allowing God to transform him.

I'm writing this to you to ask you a few questions:  

Into what are you pouring your time, energy and money?  
Have you convinced yourself that possessions will bring your happiness?  

Or have you invested your life into accountability, honest relationships and seeking God's will for your life?

God is very clear about His will:   It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.  Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit.

I have heard that this man is now trying to repair the damage he has done and is trying again to live a life that is pleasing to God.  I find that encouraging.

Please pray for him.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Sometimes it feels like our hearts are breaking.

And sometimes we worry that we will lose our minds.

Both our hearts and our minds need protection.

When we let go of the defenses that have protected us for so long, and we allow ourselves to be honest and vulnerable, it sometimes feels like we will 'come apart'. In these moments can find courage in God's promise of protection. God's peace can guard our breaking hearts and our troubled minds.

Notice that God's guardianship of our heart and mind is 'in Christ Jesus'. It is in Jesus that we see most clearly that God is 'for' us. God can be trusted to guard us because God cares about us. It is in Jesus that we see most clearly that God understands the dangers to our hearts and minds. God can be trusted to guard us because God knows from personal experience the dangers we face. It is in Jesus that we see most clearly God's power. God can be trusted to guard our hearts and minds because God has the resources to do what needs to be done.

The peace of God is not a 'blissed out' euphoria that helps us minimize or ignore our problems. God's peace does not participate in denial. This peace is not another Novocain, another 'fix' to alter our mood. It is the gentle guard that protects us so that we can face reality. It is the security that comes from knowing that God pays attention, that we are not forgotten, that God is with us, that we are loved.

Guard my breaking heart today, Lord.
Guard my troubled mind.
Let your peace do its work in me, Lord.
because I am in danger and I need your protection.
Guard me with your peace today.
Guard my heart and mind.
Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan
National Association for Christian Recovery

Be strong in the LORD and in the power of His might.

Ephesians 6:10 is a verse about the supernatural power God has made available for our fight with unseen, demonic forces that come to war against the soul.  

The word "strong" is taken from the Greek word endunamao, which describes a power whose purpose is to infuse a believer with an excessive dose of inward strength.  This particular type of endunamao power is so strong that it can withstand any attack and successfully oppose any force.   Observe that this kind of strength is found "in the LORD."    You gotta stay connected.

The word "power" is taken from the Greek word kratos, and it describes demonstrated power.   In other words, kratos power is not a power that one merely adheres to and believes in intellectually.  Rather, this kratos power is a power that is demonstrative, eruptive and tangible.  It almost always comes with some type of external, outward manifestation that one can actually see with his or her eyes.  This means that kratos power is not a hypothetical power; this is real power!  

 Paul uses kratos in Ephesians 1: 19-20 in his description of the power that raised Jesus from the dead.  This was an eruptive power, a demonstrated power, an outwardly visible power.  It was the strongest kind of power known to God or man.

Paul uses this very word to describe the power that is available for our use!  With this empowering Presence of the Holy Spirit working in our lives, we can expect the very same power that raised Jesus from the dead to operate in us!  Remember, this is a demonstrated or outwardly manifested kind of power.  So, when this power begins to operate in us, it immediately seeks an avenue of release so it can demonstrate itself.

So, turn up your level of expectation!  Start anticipating that this mighty power of God will begin to flow through you!

Click here to see the force behind Kratos power.

Adapted from Sparkling Gems from the Greek

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

Impurity of the eyes and mind lives like a habit but fights like an addiction.  Many habits are addictive.  Smokers get the urge to smoke.  Drug users "get a jones."  Alcoholics get the shakes.  

For overcoming some addictions, the addictive source can be gradually reduced.  For others, the best method is cold turkey.  

What works best with sexual impurity?  Cold turkey.  You cannot just taper down.  Tapering down also brings with it the possibility of sexual binges that might go on for days.  Binges crush your spirit.

Cold turkey it must be.  

But how?

By totally starving your eyes of all things sensual except for your wife.  

For singles, this means starving your eyes of all things sensual.  This will help you overcome the desire for premarital sex with the women you date.  If you starve your eyes just like the married guys, you'll see your date as a person and not an object.

Taken from Every Man's Battle (pages 108-109).

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.