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Your church needs you

3/21/2015

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I am a die-hard Georgia Bulldogs fan.  I rarely miss a game, and if I do, be sure, it is being recorded to watch at a later time, even if I know the outcome.  I love Georgia football.  And if I had tickets, which I do not, I would do everything I could to go to the game.  I would amend my calendar, reschedule my appointments, and prioritize my activities to ensure my attendance.  But if something happened, and I couldn’t make it, it would not affect the dynamic of the crowd, or the outcome of the event.  It wouldn’t change, one little bit, the atmosphere.  Simply put, my attendance would not be missed.  The team would stick to their game-plan, the crowd would maintain their electric charge, and the prices would be exactly as they are. The same is NOT true for my attendance at church.

When a church member misses worship service, the church drastically suffers.The Bible is emphatic about church attendance.  The writer of Hebrews challenges us with convicting words, “Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching” (Hebrews 10:25).  Have you ever thought about the effect your absence has in the House of God? When you are not there:

  • The body of the congregation is incomplete
  • Your voice is not heard in the worship and singing of the saints
  • You cannot actively serve others who may need your gifts
  • You cannot contribute in the offering
  • You do not receive the Word of God in a preaching format
  • You miss out on corporate prayer
  • You forfeit fellowship with other believers
  • You send a message to the youth that missing church is acceptable
  • You make it easier to miss the next week, and then the next
  • You become susceptible to apathy and indifference
  • You make it harder for others to bear the weight and burdens of ministry
  • You miss opportunities to share your own struggles with the saints of God
  • You cause unnecessary worry for your pastor, teacher, staff, and leaders
  • You miss out on altar invitations, life-changing decisions, and spiritual experiences

I assure you, your church needs you. And it needs you to be there this Sunday. Faithfulness to the House of God is still a required characteristic for believers.  From time to time we all need sabbaticals, vacations, and sick days.  But when missing church becomes a regular or extended practice, we not only stymie our spiritual growth, we weaken the abilities of the entire congregation.  I would like to encourage you to be in your place tomorrow, come ready for worship, and thank God He has purchased a place for you to attend.  Now that, my friend, is even better than Georgia football!!


This post was written by Kenneth Kuykendall.  Even though he is a Georgia fan, here at Ironstrikes, we agree that church attendance is vital to a man's spiritual walk.  For the original post, go to:  http://kennethkuykendall.com/what-happens-when-youre-not-there-the-effects-of-missing-church/



BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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It's just a fantasy...

3/20/2015

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Choose yes or no in response to the following questions:
  • Can you only become sexually aroused if you imagine having sex with someone other than your spouse?
  • Do you use fantasy to make up for what you believe is missing from your love life?
  • When you are troubled or anxious do you tend to turn to sexual fantasies to forget about your problems?
  • Do your sexual fantasies involve activities that you wouldn't dare do in real life?
  • Are your fantasies such that you would never share them with your spouse?
  • Do your sexual fantasies occupy a lot of your working hours, taking you away from other activities?
  • Do you believe deep down that your fantasies hurt your relationship with your spouse, causing you to be unhappy or dissatisfied with your marriage?
If you answered "yes" to any of the previous questions, your fantasy life is not healthy and is undesirable.  The more questions you answered yes, the greater a problem your fantasy life is to your sexuality.


Taken from The Sexual Man:  Masculinity without guilt

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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Stopping the affair before it starts

3/19/2015

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We've spent the last three days discussing how affairs happen and the fallout to having an affair.  Today, we will make a few pointers about fighting the temptation to stray from our marriages and families:


1.  Build the marriage relationship - Communication is the key here.  Staying in touch with each other's feelings, pressures and tensions will keep you focused on where your relationship needs work.  Caring enough to meet these mutual needs in your marriage will help make your relationship a meaningful one in which to be involved.  This kind of communication takes time.  Make time for each other.

2.  The affair process.  Read thru again the 12-step affair process.  Then read it with your spouse.  Come to mutual agreements about how to relate to the opposite sex.  The most important idea to remember is that all sin starts in the mind.  If we control it there, it cannot grow.  Turn your sexual fantasies toward your marriage.  Control your thoughts.  Pray for good dreams.  God will help you manage this sexual dimension in your life.

3.  Walk with God together.  Be regular in fellowship with Christians.  Be regular in worship.  Be regular in your devotional life.  Pray together as a couple.  Go to meetings for men at your church.  Men need to have a place where they can discuss openly and honestly with other men about the tensions and problems they encounter in life.  Find a place of ministry in your church.  Talk to your pastor, let him know your weaknesses and have him pray for you.  

4.  Count the cost.  It helps us to keep our heads in the real world if we think about the consequences of infidelity.  Think about how quickly your credibility and Christian witness would be compromised.  Don't think temptation will never happen to you.  No one is immune.  Think about the fact that sin grieves our Lord.  Think about how much it would hurt your wife, kids, parents, and in-laws.  Even though thinking of the consequences of our sin can help us resist temptation, we are only truly moral in a biblical sense when we refuse to sin primarily out of our love for God.

Our goal in developing moral character is to get to the place where we act faithfully and consistently simply because to do otherwise would bring harm to the person and cause of the God we love.

Only a real and lasting love for God will guard and buttress our fight against the enemy.  

This information is taken from TEMPTATIONS MEN FACE

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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The fallout of an affair

3/18/2015

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Yesterday, we concluded our discussion of how an affair progresses thru predictable stages.  However, the consequences of such behavior are profound.  

Dr. Dobson states, "the grass may be greener on the other side of the fence but it still has to be mowed."  Once the excitement of the early stages of the affair wear off, the new couple is forced to live real life again, life in the common place.  The man and woman suddenly have to face work thru personality adjustments.  They discover spiritual, emotional and physical imperfections in each other they have never noticed before.   Someone has to fix the cars, cook the meals, clean the house, run errands, mow the lawn, struggle with the finances.  

There is also a layer of distrust in the new relationship.  "If he cheated before, he can do it again..."  The trail of pain eats away at the new relationship.  Kids have been hurt.  A wife and a husband have been abandoned.  The complex and difficult relational network is hard to manage.  

Like wide-eyed children we enter into extra-marital affair.  Our eyes are wide open but for some reason we are blind to many of the realities that will become devastatingly  apparent later when the glitter fades.  It is OK to be childlike in some of the areas of our lives.  But we have to live in the real world.  Yes, we desperately want for the new relationship to work, to give us pleasure, the romance, the affirmation we felt was lacking in our former marriage.  But we have bought the lie, the hype, the brightly lit illusion, the propaganda that says we can gave everything we want simply by changing partners mid-stream.  It is very American to seek the quick fix; we are looking for the easy road to the real thing.

It is truly a tragedy.  Men and women change partners again and again chasing the illusion.  Many die lonely, empty people, lacking the love that they chased all their lives.  

Tomorrow, we will look at how to fight the temptation to stray...

The information from this post is taken from TEMPTATIONS MEN FACE

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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How an affair happens (part two)

3/17/2015

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Yesterday, we discussed the first five steps that lead to an affair.  Today, we conclude our discussion:

6.  Private lingering - Soon the man & the woman find that they are still together long after the others have left.  Conversation shifts from ideas to feelings.  Caring is shared.  Conversation drifts into private and personal areas.  They still feel fine about the relationship because the meetings begin in public.

7.  Purposeful isolating - Now the man & the woman begin to plan times alone for "legitimate" purposes.  They may request the other to work on special projects at work that require them being alone or work late together.  He may ask her to help him sort out his marital problems.   They still deny any suggestions that their relationship is not completely appropriate.  At home, his wife notices a decrease in verbal & nonverbal communication.  He seems suddenly detached, cool, almost formal in his relating.  There may be uncompleted phone calls.

8.  Pleasurable isolating - Now the man & the woman are planning times alone with each other for the sheer enjoyment of being together.  The relationship takes on a youthful euphoria.  There is a shared experience of excitement and adventure with more intimacy occurring.  There is more touching.  His spouse notices that there are long blocks of time that are unaccounted for.  There is a noticeable decrease in pleasurable times in the marriage.  The relationship is still rationalized:  "It's OK to have good friends of the opposite sex, there is nothing wrong with being close friends.  After all, she understands me better than my wife."

9.  Affectionate embracing - There is embracing without letting go.  There is increased touching and playful caressing.  Childish games like tickling and wrestling are often played at this stage to increase physical contact.  The rationalization is that there is nothing wrong with physically expressing support for one another.  At the same time, affectionate embracing and physical contact decreases with his wife.  

10.  Passionate embracing - Affectionate touching and embracing lead to passionate interchanges.  The couple will still rationalize and say that it is fine to get aroused because it is innocent and unplanned, "Besides, my wife no longer makes me feel this way."

11.  Capitulation - The couple gives in to sexual intercourse.  Denial is eliminated at this stage.  There is no way to deny the reality of what they have done.

12.  Acceptance - Here they finally admit to themselves that they are in the throes of an affair.  If they continue, it is definitely a conscious choice.  The emotional investment in the affair is at its peak and the emotional investment in the marriage is at its lowest.  The man may find creative ways for his wife to discover the affair.  The tension of living a double life is usually too much for someone to bear for very long.

Is this the end of the story?  Do the man and woman live happily ever after?  Nope.  The story of an affair is not a comedy.  It is a huge tragedy with unbelievable fallout and consequences.

Tomorrow, we will discuss some of these consequences.

Much of this information is taken from the book, TEMPTATIONS MEN FACE

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How an affair happens (part one)

3/16/2015

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There are twelve common steps that usually occur in sequence as a relationship moves toward an adulterous affair.  These steps often occur over a long period of time, but a man and a woman can move thru these stages of an affair in a single evening.  Becoming aware of the steps helps us to recognize what might be happening to us so we can stop the process before we are in over our heads. 

Our two main enemies are rationalization and denial.  We rationalize when we give acceptable reasons for unacceptable thoughts, feelings and behaviors.  Denial is our often intense refusal to recognize the truth about our thoughts, feelings and behaviors.  Sin can harden our hearts and darken our understanding, turning us away from God.  "Encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness."

For example, a woman  rationalizes that God understood and accepted her numerous affairs because, after all, it was He who created within her this "need for other men."  A man lives in denial about his affair, "it's OK, because each time we have sex we end by praying together."

 I will briefly list the 12 steps here and in the subsequent post.  For a more complete understanding, you will need to read the book, TEMPTATIONS MEN FACE, from which this information is taken.

1.  Readiness - The first step is emotional readiness.  Something is occurring in a man's life that has him leaning away from the marriage.  This is a vulnerable time.  He needs to learn to recognize this and turn his energy toward regaining the full health of his marital relationship.

2.  Alertness - The second stage in the affair process is a growing awareness of a particular person in our web of relationships.  He begins simply by thinking occasionally about the other person.  The innocent thoughts turn to fantasy.  As she becomes more present in his conscious thoughts, she may begin to appear in dreams and the dreams are often filled with sexual fantasy.  Masturbating while fantasizing about her is common.

3.  Innocent meeting - Truly innocent, chance meetings, often legitimate business contacts can potentially build the relationship.  This is the stage where some flirtations can develop, prolonged eye contact, harmless sounding sexual innuendo, enticing body language, etc.

4.  Intentional meeting - Meetings occur frequently which appear to be by chance when in reality one person has acted in such a way as to increase the likelihood of the meeting.  He will hang out for extended periods of time hoping for the chance to "surprisingly" meet her.  The excitement of sexual attraction overpowers his rational side.  At this point, he has entered a real danger zone.

5.  Public lingering - The man & the woman now spend time together while in group settings.  They will tend to shut others out by turning away from the group and avoiding eye contact with others.  Observers know something is happening.  However, they would still deny any suggestion that this was more than normal adult relating.  The public setting help them to rationalize:  "It's fine to focus on her.  Nothing can happen.  We are with others."

Tomorrow, we will continue our discussion on how affairs happen...

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Sunday Meditation

3/15/2015

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Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.'   Luke 15:4-5

It is easy for us to lose our way. We may start off with confidence. We think we know where we are and where we are headed. And, then, somewhere along the way in life we get lost. We find ourselves alone and we don't know where we are. We get confused and disoriented. We don't know how to find our way back, how to get 'on track' again.

Fortunately, God pays attention. God notices that we are lost. And, because of the great value God sees in us, God sets out to find us. God searches for us. God pursues us until we are found.

When God finds us, most of us expect God to say: 'Where have you been? I have been looking all over for you! Can't you follow directions? What's wrong with you? I don't want to have to come back out here again to find you. Try to pay attention from now on!'

But there is no hint of scolding, shaming, yelling or blaming in this text. When God finds us, God is full of joy. God picks us up and carries us home. God celebrates. 

God pays attention. God notices when we are lost. God searches for us. And God celebrates when we are found. Recovery is the gift of being found by God.

I was lost, Lord. 
Alone.. 
Disoriented. Confused. Afraid. 
You found me. 
I expected blame and rejection when you found me. 
I expected you to be full of rage. 
I expected you to see me as an inconvenience. 
But you greeted me with joy. 
With celebration! 
Thank you for finding me. 


Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan 

National Association for Christian Recovery



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Silent God:  Please Lord, SPEAK!

3/14/2015

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On this blog, I have filled many pages with stories and illustrations involving the relationship I have with my son. I think it is easy to see, through my writings, that he and I have a special bond (as one could imagine between a father and son). He lights up my life and gives me mountains of material for writing. Today, however I want to mention my daughter. She is my princess and we also have a special bond that is different from the one I have with my son (not better or worse…just different).

In my house the men adore the ladies. Mommy and sister are approached with a special gentleness (most of the time) and protection. When my daughter Lynae wakes up from her naps or from her beauty sleep, my son and I have a silly routine…We go, together, into her room and sing a short song to her while dancing. We have so much fun doing it. Not only is it fun, but she also wakes up smiling and lays still in her bed until the performance is over…knowing full well that she is adored. Not only is this silly, but it is deeply personal for us, because in my house the ladies are adored…

After our musical number, my son usually shuffles out of the room to go play or resume what he was previously doing. This is my cue to get her out of bed and change her into her clothes for the day. Sometimes, I stall a little bit and lie in bed next to her. A few days ago, we had a moment that I will never forget. As we were still and silent next to each other, she just stared into my eyes. Time went slowly and neither one of us felt the need to say anything (she is limited on her linguistic skills anyway). After a moment of stillness she reached up and grabbed my face. I was practically hypnotized. I felt bad for breaking the silence, but all I could say was, “I love you baby.” She smiled, leaned in for a quick kiss and her first words of the day came springing forth. “Daddy…cereal.” So, that ended a deeply meaningful moment with the woman I love the second-most in my life. It ended with a request.

As I thought about this moment, my mind went off into a tangent. I thought about the emails, texts, inbox messages and one-on-one conversations I have had with so many people recently regarding their relationship with God. There is a common theme among many right now. It is this issue of silence. When I hurt. When I fear. When I am running out of time…Why does God seem silent?

There are many answers to this question, and even more unknown possibilities. Today, I think, instead of fully answering this (which could be impossible), I want to offer up some ideas in the form of reflective questions. Here are 7.

1. Could God be waiting for you to act on what He told you most recently?- Have you obeyed His most recent instructions yet? Sometimes we yell out requests to God but do not act when He calls us to join Him in His mission. It is completely possible that you have not done what He has asked of you since the last time you spoke.

2. Have you recently prayed for a closer relationship with Him?- Odds are you have prayed this recently, because you know that getting closer to God brings blessing and abundance. Like in the illustration above, sometimes a closer relationship means silently being in each other’s presence. Just like two dating teens saying absolutely nothing on the phone, it is possible that simply being together is what is required right now. Don’t take this time for granted.

3. How much time are you spending in prayer and scripture?- It may be important to note that God has many things to say to you, and the answer to your specific prayer is somewhere on the list. He could be speaking to you, but not necessarily about what you are asking Him about this moment. Open yourself up to be spoken to by God…On His terms; not yours.

4. Have you recently prayed for peace in the midst of the storm?- Of course you have, and this is a common thing to pray. How many times, though, do you picture the concept of peace being accompanied by hyperactivity and fanfare? Never, right? In other words, if you want peace then you must accept that peace often means that we must slow down, be silent, take a breath, and trust God’s promises. He may be waiting for us to choose peace before proceeding.

5. Did He already say no?- This question hurts to even think about. How many times, as a parent, do you have to repeat yourself with your children? Tons. In my experience, God operates a little differently. Even though we do not like to hear it, “no” is a valid answer from God. He may have simply said no…and it could be time to move forward.

6. What have you done in faith?- Often, I am guilty of simply providing God with my list of wants or needs during my prayer times. To an extent that is okay, but how many times do I take moments to intercede for others or even get out and take risky steps of faith for the kingdom? Not doing so won’t silence God, but it makes you wonder what the implications of our relationship with Him is if we always talk and don’t act. Take a big fat step of faith today. Serve someone, and you will find that God’s voice will become louder.

7. Are you clinging to sin?- As harsh as this sounds; it is a valid question. It is not the case for everyone, but some. With this being said, it doesn’t mean that God is not speaking, but rather that our distractions are too loud. If we invite Him in to cleanse us then we will hear, see, and experience more than ever before.

Overall, silence from God is not a bad thing. Just like there are natural pauses in beautiful music; our relationship with God can go through times of growth and times of hyperactivity. Let go of your fear, and during the times of silence; soak in His goodness. These are just some of the questions that come to mind…and obviously there could be many more reasons.

He loves you. Don’t ever forget that.



This post was written by Rev DeCrastos.  For his blog, go to:  http://other-words.net







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An honest letter to Jesus

3/13/2015

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Dear Father,

We need to talk. I know it has only been a few hours since I sat down and had a time of prayer, but I can’t help but think you didn’t hear me. Why? I assume this, not because I think you don’t listen, but because of what and how I prayed. I was in a rush, and didn’t really approach you with the reverence and awe that I should feel. I just…talked. Not only this, but I lied in my prayer and said things I don’t believe. We need to talk because I need to point out the lies I told you in my last prayer. I just want to be honest even if it hurts your feelings. Let’s see…where do I begin?

First, I called you sovereign. Meaning, I implied that you are the ruler of my life. That was a big lie, because of the way I often live. I seem to rely on my own resources, ideas, and sufficiency to get me through the day, and I only seem to pray when I need something or I feel guilty. So, to claim you are my king is quite the overstatement.

Next, I told you I was grateful for all you have provided. The fact is, I am not really that grateful. I say that sometimes in hopes that you will “expand my territory” and fatten my bank account because of my perceived humilty. Truthfully, I want more, but I know if I say that out loud you will put me in humbling situations, so spiritually I try to lay low and avoid risks to stay under the radar. Overall, in this area, I really want a comfortable cushion of stuff and influence so I don’t have to worry about my future.

Also, I included those who are broken in my prayer, and really I didn’t care. In the back of my mind, I really just wanted you to fix my problems. This is where I rushed things. I skipped through this part, because there were other things I thought were more important that had to do with my needs. I included that other hurting person in the first place so I didn’t sound so selfish. If I were to be honest, I would tell you that I really just want you to stop my pain. I don’t want to go through suffering or anything difficult. I don’t want to be an example to others. I just don’t want to hurt.

Finally, the biggest lie I told was at the end of my last prayer. I told you that I wanted your will to be done in my life. I really don’t. I mean, I do, but as long as it fits in with my plans. It just feels better when things work out in my timing, and in my way.

You see, I have been learning more about this concept of “belief”. This is why I am writing. I have found out that I can cognitively agree with a concept, but if I do not live it then I don’t complete the cycle of belief…so it is as if I don’t believe it at all. In my mind, I believe all of these good things listed, but for some reason my life does not always reflect these concepts.

I guess I, now, understand the story in Mark chapter 9 when you cast an impure spirit out of the little boy. The boy’s father wondered if you could do it and you told him that anything is possible to those who believe. Then this man said something confusing. He said, “I believe; help me in my unbelief.” My first thought when reading this was, “you either believe or you don’t; pick one dude!” I get it now. I can agree in my mind, but if I am not talking, walking, and acting as if it is true than I have not fully believed it. Certainly, I know doubts will come, but I get that sometimes I just need to go forward in truth.

So, I confess that I have lied. I have always known you are sovereign; help me to overcome my lack of surrender. I have always been grateful; help me overcome my times of complaint. Also, help me be reminded of all you have provided, and miracles that you have performed. Help me to be a conduit of your compassion to the broken and hurting. I really do want your will to be done in my life and on earth as it is in Heaven. Move me aside daily and show your power.

Overall, sorry about the lies. I will try to do better. Thanks for the talk. Love you…seriously I do.

Sincerely,
Your Willing Servant



This post was written by Rev DeCrastos.  You can find his blog here:  http://other-words.net





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A parable of three pastors

3/12/2015

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Let me tell you a parable of three pastors.  All successes in their own right.  I would be pleased to be a member of their congregations.  They are good men, godly men, holy men.  They have the same Holy Spirit working in their lives....  yet, they are different.  And sometimes, they rub me wrong.  

At least two of them do...

One pastor was talking about how the Military creates dependency.  "In the military, you don't have to make any decisions, all decisions are made for you, you just obey orders.  They feed you, house you, raise you into a fighting machine.  They tell you where to live and who to make friends with."  (Just in case you're wondering, no, this pastor has never served in the military, although he has had numerous military folks in his congregation.)  Yet, when I think about this pastor, he went straight from high school, to college, to seminary, to his first church.  He serves in a denomination where the pastor is a professional.  The churches in which he has served have always providing housing, paid his expenses, and given him a nice salary.  (He is well within the top 1% of financial earners in his church.  To his credit he does tithe his salary.)  His denomination tells him when to move to another church.  Does that sound independent to you?

Another pastor was talking about how the new generation of churches will be smaller and transient with bi-vocational pastors.  This pastor is a good scholar.  He has researched trends in the church and realizes that is what he needs to be training the next generation of pastors to do.  Yet, when I think about this pastor, he went straight from high school, to college, to seminary, to his church.  He serves in a denomination where the pastor is a professional.  The churches in which he has served have always providing housing, paid his expenses, and given him a nice salary.  His church isn't a mega-church by any standards but it is a good sized, medium church.  He remarked the other day, "I haven't mowed a yard in years.  People from the church come over and mow my yard (actually the yard of the parsonage where he lives that the church provides for him as part of his salary package)."  Does that sound bi-vocational to you?

Another pastor, now at the end of his ministry due to his age, reflected with me regarding his life as a minister.  He never had a church of over 250.  He accepted meager salaries in spite of having seven children.  He told me stories about God's provision:  coats for his children that suddenly appeared on the doorstep one frigid winter morning, receiving "blue milk" and cheese from the local dairy, having an abundance of fresh farms eggs from an unnamed person in the community, working side-by-side with parishioners in painting and refurbishing the church (and telling of the wonderful theological truths and friendships that occurred during these times), caring for the church building by cleaning toilets, mowing the yard, taking out the trash, etc.  Also, he never had a parsonage.  Every home he lived in he either rented or owned (ironically, now at a ripe old age, on his meager salary, he owns several homes and they are rented by pastors or parishioners of his former churches). Each of these homes, he cared for in painting, refurbishing, caring for the lawn and shoveling snow.  (Oh, that reminds me, he shoveled the snow at his churches.  He wanted his church to be welcoming even during bad weather.)  He stated he would never cancel church.  "What if someone found their way to the church during bad weather only to find the doors locked?  What if that was the time that they decided they needed Jesus?  If even only one person showed up, I still had church."  He NEVER wanted to count on the church to take care of him.  He told me that he knew that he was called to be a pastor and in doing a pastor's work, he KNEW that God would take care of him.  His salary was just to pay what expenses that he had as he never went into debt, owing no man anything.  

Like I said in the first paragraph,  three pastors:  All successes in their own right.  I would be pleased to be a member of their congregations.  They are good men, godly men, holy men.  They have the same Holy Spirit working in their lives....  yet, they are different.  And sometimes, they rub me wrong.  At least two of them do...

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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