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Church:  Good for you

6/20/2014

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One of the most striking scientific discoveries about religion in recent years is that going to church weekly is good for you. Religious attendance — at least, religiosity — boosts the immune system and decreases blood pressure. It may add as much as two to three years to your life. The reason for this is not entirely clear.

Social support is no doubt part of the story. At the evangelical churches I’ve studied as an anthropologist, people really did seem to look out for one another. They showed up with dinner when friends were sick and sat to talk with them when they were unhappy. The help was sometimes surprisingly concrete. Perhaps a third of the church members belonged to small groups that met weekly to talk about the Bible and their lives. One evening, a young woman in a group I joined began to cry. Her dentist had told her that she needed a $1,500 procedure, and she didn’t have the money. To my amazement, our small group — most of them students — simply covered the cost, by anonymous donation. A study conducted in North Carolina found that frequent churchgoers had larger social networks, with more contact with, more affection for, and more kinds of social support from those people than their unchurched counterparts. And we know that social support is directly tied to better health.

Healthy behavior is no doubt another part. Certainly many churchgoers struggle with behaviors they would like to change, but on average, regular church attendees drink less, smoke less, use fewer recreational drugs and are less sexually promiscuous than others.

That tallies with my own observations. At a church I studied in Southern California, the standard conversion story seemed to tell of finding God and never taking methamphetamine again. (One woman told me that while cooking her dose, she set off an explosion in her father’s apartment and blew out his sliding glass doors. She said to me, “I knew that God was trying to tell me I was going the wrong way.”) In my next church, I remember sitting in a house group listening to a woman talk about an addiction she could not break. I assumed that she was talking about her own struggle with methamphetamine. It turned out that she thought she read too many novels.

Yet I think there may be another factor. Any faith demands that you experience the world as more than just what is material and observable. This does not mean that God is imaginary, but that because God is immaterial, those of faith must use their imaginations to represent God. To know God in an evangelical church, you must experience what can only be imagined as real, and you must also experience it as good.

I want to suggest that this is a skill and that it can be learned. We can call it absorption: the capacity to be caught up in your imagination, in a way you enjoy. What I saw in church as an anthropological observer was that people were encouraged to listen to God in their minds, but only to pay attention to mental experiences that were in accord with what they took to be God’s character, which they took to be good. I saw that people were able to learn to experience God in this way, and that those who were able to experience a loving God vividly were healthier — at least, as judged by a standardized psychiatric scale. Increasingly, other studies bear out this observation that the capacity to imagine a loving God vividly leads to better health.

For example, in one study, when God was experienced as remote or not loving, the more someone prayed, the more psychiatric distress she seemed to have; when God was experienced as close and intimate, the more someone prayed, the less ill he was. In another study, at a private Christian college in Southern California, the positive quality of an attachment to God significantly decreased stress and did so more effectively than the quality of the person’s relationships with other people.

Eventually, this may teach us how to harness the “placebo” effect — a terrible word, because it suggests an absence of intervention rather than the presence of a healing mechanism that depends neither on pharmaceuticals nor on surgery. We do not understand the placebo effect, but we know it is real. That is, we have increasingly better evidence that what anthropologists would call “symbolic healing” has real physical effects on the body. At the heart of some of these mysterious effects may be the capacity to trust that what can only be imagined may be real, and be good.


This post was written by T. M. Luhrmann, a professor of anthropology at Stanford and the author of “When God Talks Back: Understanding the American Evangelical Relationship With God." 


For the original post, go to:  http://www.nytimes.com/2013/04/21/opinion/sunday/luhrmann-why-going-to-church-is-good-for-you.html?_r=0


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Church:  Good for your marriage

6/19/2014

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This is the rock on which I will put together my church, a church so expansive with energy that not even the gates of hell will be able to keep it out.  Matthew 16:9


We spoke in a downtown church in Seattle some time ago that had a sense of humor. How do we know?

Because this was on the sign in their parking lot: “Church parking only. We will not forgive those who trespass against us.”

Every church has it’s own personality. And when you find a church that fits with yours, as a couple, you are blessed.

Research shows that couples who attend church, even once a month, increase their chances of staying married.

Studies have also shown that churchgoers feel better about their marriages than those who don’t worship together. How can this be?


"The perfect church service would be one we were almost unaware of.
Our attention would have been on God."
--C.S. Lewis


Well, to start, attending church provides couples with a shared sense of values and purpose in life. It also provides couples with a caring community of support – and every couple needs help from time to time.

We have a friend who likes to say that cultivating spiritual intimacy in your marriage without incorporating the church is like trying to drive a car without a steering wheel.

He’s a pastor. Big surprise, right? But we couldn’t agree more.

From the beginning of our marriage, worshipping together in church has been a systematic time of rest and renewal for our relationship.

On Sunday mornings these days, we pile into the car with two boys in the back seat, turn on the Sunday play list, and head to our church where we each disperse into different directions – the boys to their classes, Leslie helping the youngest one, and Les to the sanctuary, reserving a seat on the front row off to the side (before the seats fill up) where Leslie soon follows.

It’s our ritual. Our routine.


But it’s couched in the soul of our marriage.

And it almost always lifts our spirits to worship with others who, like us, are doing their best as a couple to walk in the footsteps of Jesus.


This post was written by Drs Les and Leslie Parrott.    For more information go to this site:  http://store.lesandleslie.com/collections/books/products/one-year-love-talk-devotional?mc_cid=6cfe914792&mc_eid=8676cc37de



BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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Why I like "my" church

6/18/2014

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We discussed 10 reasons why people leave church.  Then we discussed why people like going to church.  It is so easy, nowadays to find things wrong with the church and here at Ironstrikes, we publish some criticisms of The Church in general.  

Now, I want to turn to "my" church, specifically.  When I say "my", I don't mean the church is mine.  I mean it is the church that I claim as home for my family.  These people are "my" family.   It doesn't mean that we all look or act alike.  It doesn't mean that we always agree.  It does mean that we love and care for each other... We can get angry with each other or frustrated with each other but the love is no less.... Sounds like a real family, doesn't it?

First of all, we are church plant, a very young church with only about 60 people attending at any one time.  It is a good mix of kids, teens, young people and older people.   Our pastor is young, married and has children.  



If you would attend, you would see a very simple, basic church service.  We don't have a polished praise team, we don't have a modern, hip feel to our service.  We have a few attendees of the church up front singing.  They aren't always the same people.  Sometimes, people from outside our church come and lead us in praise.  You never know what to expect in terms of a praise team.  Sometimes, our children will lead us in praise.  That leads me to my first point...


1) I like "my" church because everyone is expected to be a part of the praise time.  Sometimes, you are expected to be a participant, sometimes you are expected to be a leader.  Even children as young as three have lead us in praise.


2) I like "my" church because everyone is expected to be a part of the worship time.  You will see children praying with older people from the church.  Yes, I said that in the correct order.  Children will pray with adults.  Children will pray for adults.  That leads me to point three...


3)  I like "my" church because everyone is considered to be a part of the church ministry.  Children are the church.  Teens are the church.  Adults are the church.  We don't have people wait until they get everything correct and polished:  their theology, their attitude, their words, etc.  If someone wants to do something, they do it.  However, they just don't do it, they also have a church family that encourages and teaches while they are doing what they do...


4)  Our leader, of course, is Jesus Christ.  He is the cornerstone of our church, the very foundation.  However, our Pastor, as he follows Jesus, teaches us God's Word from a humble stance.  I like "my" church because it's refreshing to have a pastor say, during a sermon, "I'm glad to be a part of a church that is as messed up as I am!"  (And his sermons are terrific, BTW.)


5)  I like "my" church because sometimes, you may not know who the "leaders" are in the church.  Leadership in our church requires humility.  Since we are a church plant and rent a facility, you will see leaders in all aspects of the church and not realize that they are leaders.  They will set up the sound system, work in the nursery, set up and remove chairs, bring muffins to share, care for children, collect the offering, etc.  A leader in the church will do whatever it takes to help the church function.


6)  I like "my" church because sometimes, we don't get to the sermon or to the sermon our pastor had planned.  It is not uncommon for God's Holy Spirit to change what is planned.  There may be spontaneous testimony.  There may be spontaneous spoken prayer.  There may be a child saying, "amen!" or someone may even stop the sermon and ask a question about what the pastor just said or what someone else just spoke about.  


7)  Finally, I like "my" church because we believe in healing.  We believe that God cares about us emotionally, physically as well as spiritually.  We have had spontaneous prayers of healing and have seen the results within just a few hours.  Physical pain has been eliminated or lessened, emotional pain has been relieved, and spiritual growth has resulted.  


Ok, one more finally.... Sometimes, our church will be nothing special.  Nothing terribly exciting happens from our human perspective.  Things go as planned, nothing spontaneous occurs.  And that's ok too.  That's another thing I like about "my" church.  There is not a pressure to repeat past experiences, there is not a pressure to make something happen.  It's just simply God's family getting together to remember what God has done, praise Him for what He will do and also to wait expectantly for God to do more.  


Because, we have a long way to go... God's not done with us yet.


BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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Why I like going to church

6/17/2014

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When I was in college, I read a survey posted by a Sociology major titled, Terrible Travels. The idea was for people to list places they hated being, but for some reason still felt compelled to attend. “The DMV”, “Airports”, and “The Dentist” were entries that would surprise no one, but as I got toward the middle I noticed another one, “Church”. Normally this wouldn’t have bothered me, but I went to a Christian college. It seemed even Christians didn’t want to go to church.

So what happened? How did the act of going to Church, which once led to joy and celebration, turn into such a chore? I’m sure many theologians will have much wiser answers than I do, but for my part, I believe it’s because many churches have stopped being families. In a recent article by Sarah Bessey, the author describes how her Church is more than an institution for believers, it is a home for all those who seek to know Christ.           

“Because at the end of the service, they practice the priesthood of all believers and anyone can pray for anyone else. Just go ahead and pray, go ahead. Talk to each other, you don’t need a sanctioned commissioning, you are already part of this Body so go on then. Because I need to be around people who love Jesus, too. Because I know Jesus better when I hear about Him from other people who follow Him, too.”

“Because I almost always encounter the Holy Spirit in a profound, sideways sort of way when we’re gathered together in His name. Because then I leave and I go back out into my world, my neighborhood, my life, and there is always the promise of next week. Because some of my greatest wounds have come from church and so my greatest healing has happened here, too.”

People underestimate the power of family. Family offers unconditional love, it offers understanding and safety, discipline but fairness, and a place to turn when you feel lost. Or at least it’s supposed to. In recent years, the Church has behaved more like a moral autocrat than a loving parent, and this position has cost believers and non-believers alike. If we are to repair the damage we’ve done, a fully represent the image of Christ, we must change our approach.

Look at what Jesus says:

“‘Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.' "Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?' "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'” – Matthew 25:34-40

It is time for the Church to become a home. A place where the poor and lonely can find a family they never knew. No one connected by blood, but by something stronger. By the unshakable spirit, and unending love, of Jesus Christ.



This post was written by Ryan Duncan.  For the original post, go to:  http://www.crosswalk.com/blogs/christian-trends/why-i-like-going-to-church.html


BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.


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10 Reasons why people leave church

6/16/2014

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As I thought about my own opinion as to why people leave the church, it struck me that the actual reasons why people leave aren’t necessarily reasons that apply to one generation or the other. The issues that wound and tear a person down to the point that they walk out the door are typically issues that affect people from all generations and all walks of life. In fact, the reasons I have compiled are issues that led me to walk way from church as twenty-year-old, and still tempt me to walk out again some days– even though I’m not 20 anymore.

Whether you’ve always known what e-mail was, rode your big-wheel in the street without a helmet, can remember seeing ET in the theater, or did time in ‘Nam, here are the 10 reasons why people from all generations leave church:

10. People leave church when they can’t find community.

This is one of those reasons where it can serve as a reason why people come to church in the first place, and also becomes a reason why they leave– people want community. So many of us are tired of doing life on our own, tired of plastic American relationships, and are looking for deep, loyal, and authentic communal relationships. This should be a central goal of churches– building community. Why? Christianity was never meant to be lived out in the context of isolation, but rather in the context of community. When people can’t find community, can’t plug-in or access meaningful relationships, they split in hopes they’ll find it somewhere else. When a church learns to do community well, it is a life-giving experience. When churches fail to build community, church just becomes another item on your list that sucks the life out of you. I have experienced church both ways and can honestly say that I’m finished investing emotional energy into churches that don’t build a culture that values authentic community.

9. People leave church because they need less drama in their lives.

 I don’t know about you, but my life always seems to have enough drama in it– I certainly don’t need anything that is going to add to the drama factor. So often, people seek out church because they need a reprieve, a refuge from the emotional drama of day to day living. However, far too often church relationships find a way to add to your drama. Now, I get that we’re all imperfect and that any group will have their own conflict, but some churches seem to do drama more than others. Our jobs, family dynamics and friendships provide us with enough opportunity to be gossiped about, back-stabbed, and pushed to the margins- we don’t need to add to that. Church needs to be a safe place where one can escape the typical relational drama we all face and instead experience loving support and acceptance. When church just becomes another area that is going to add drama to my life, I need to cut the cord and move on for my own sanity. Which leads me too…

8. People leave church because of unresolved conflict.

As mentioned above, any community is going to have conflict. However, a healthy and life-giving community is one that practices healthy conflict resolution in order to keep relationships safe and whole. Some churches do a fantastic job at helping individuals reconcile their differences in loving ways which deescalate and restore, while others have skewed ideas of what reconciliation looks like. Too often, wounded people are told, or are caused to feel, as if their emotional response to being wounded is somehow wrong or sinful. We can be encouraged to “forgive and forget”, “get over it”, or even told we have “no right to feel that way”. We fail to realize that wounded people need to have their feelings validated, and need to have a place to air their hurts in a way that causes them to feel heard. If we want people to stop leaving church, we need to develop radical humility and become the peacemakers that Jesus claimed would be blessed.

7. People leave church because of controlling leaders and unskilled teachers.

Leaders make or break an organization, and church is no different. When the pastor or church leader(s) come across as controlling (whether it is real or perceived) it creates an environment that doesn’t feel safe to people. No one wants to be controlled or dominated in church– not even the people who assimilate and eventually tolerate such environments. Instead, people want to feel heard and included in issues of decision making and long-term vision. Too often, it seems like the kids who are picked on in high school either become cops or pastors so that they can control other people- and they become increasingly intoxicated with their own perceived power. When people like me smell this, we bolt.

Likewise, you can have a church with a great community and a loving pastor– but a pastor who happens to be differently gifted outside the realm of preaching, and lose people. The longest 45 minute blocks in my life have been when I have been forced to sit and listen to a person fly the plane around the pulpit ten times, without ever landing. Bad preaching is miserable. If people feel like the preaching sucks, they’ll leave in search of something else. We need to make sure we place people in positions to serve in accordance with their abilities AND passions, not just their passions.

 6. People leave church because they get turned off by social climbing, cliques, and nepotism.

Social climbing is simply how I would describe the phenomena where people have to acquire a certain amount of “social credit” with the people of influence before they can serve and be included. As a result, the popular folks at church amass followers, and power. Such a system requires you to play the “game” with people of influence if you want to be a fully included member of the group (leading to the formation of cliques). Some people, like me, refuse to do this in silent protest… instead believing that all people should be able to come together to experience God, equally. Nepotism goes along the same lines– we don’t want to see people elevated to their positions because they were of the right bloodline, or played the game with the right people– we want to see people elevated to positions simply on the basis of their skills, abilities, and calling.

 5. People leave church when they feel like they need to become a carbon copy of an individual or ideal in order to be fully included and appreciated.

During the times when I have found myself church shopping online, one of the first things I look at is the church’s statement of faith. This isn’t so much because I care about what they believe (although, I obviously do) but because I want to know if I’m going to be required to be a detailed copy of everyone else to be accepted. When I see a ten-page statement of faith the spells out everything from “Who is God” to “Why we believe the rapture will happen next Tuesday”, it tells me that there will be no room for me to live, breathe, or be my own person– my acceptance will depend on whether or not I am a carbon copy of everyone else.

People want to be who God made them– they don’t want to be a carbon copy of who God made you. When we feel forced to fit into a predetermined mold as to what a member of this community must look like, we leave (or in my case, I don’t ever go to begin with).

Most people don’t want to be like everyone else, and when a certain culture tells them they must become a clone as a condition of acceptance, many will leave instead of submitting to such a dehumanizing experience.

4. People leave church because they are tired of being told how a “good Christian” will vote.

One of the most frustrating aspects of Evangelical Christianity is that it’s not so much of a faith tradition anymore, as it is a political movement. When I was in seminary I wrote frequently on this issue calling it the “deification of western values”, because Christian culture has picked a few hot-button political issues and married one’s political opinion on these issues to their faith. We are tired of this. All of us.

It is possible to sincerely love Jesus and still not vote for the Republican candidate. PLEASE stop making people feel like voting differently is somehow akin to apostasy. Jesus followers hold a wide array of political beliefs, and that’s okay– they’re just political beliefs… it’s not theology not matter how hard others want to make it theology.

The sooner we can embrace our political diversity, and end this unholy marriage with conservative politics, the sooner we can all start trying to follow Jesus, together.

 3. People leave church because they’re looking for something authentic.

The word authentic means: “not false, but real… therefore reliable and trustworthy”. Ironically, I can think of no more authentic message than the loving and very real message of Jesus.

However, the way we often live that out is far from authentic. In scripture we see authenticity being something God loves; my favorite characters in the Bible are the people who were raw and who told God exactly what was on their mind, minus a filter. These are the people, such as David, whom God calls “friend”.

Yet, church often becomes a place where you want to be anything but real. It’s just not safe to do so- especially with people who are busy pretending they have it all together but still seem to have enough time to be your worst critic.

People want to do church with people who are real, people who aren’t afraid to be vulnerable in relationship, and who are willing to sit beside you in the messiness of life. When church feels fake and like it’s not a safe place to be vulnerable, people leave in hopes they’ll find someplace that is.

2. People leave church because they feel lonely.

As you look through items 10-3, imagine how it feels to experience the losing end of one of these issues (sadly, I don’t think many of you will have to imagine that). The feeling of being excluded, by definition, creates an intense loneliness. Being one of the only people living raw and authentically in a quest for community, is a lonely feeling. Being the one person who can’t, in good conscience, sign onto the same statement of faith that the group has, is a lonely feeling. Watching cliques form as an outsider, and watching people who rise to esteemed positions by way of church politics, is a lonely feeling.

People leave church because they start to feel like an outsider, and that makes them lonely. It is an emotion that is painful, powerful, and given enough time, unbearable. If leaving church is what’s needed to stop feeling so lonely and to stop feeling like an outsider– they’ll do it (and it would be the right decision).

1. People leave church when they don’t find Jesus.

This sounds silly on the surface, but it’s not. Church of all places should look like Jesus! Church should be a place where people are busy loving the unlovable, embracing the outcast, serving the widow, immigrant and fatherless. It should be a place where power is rejected, gender and race is irrelevant, and where the most coveted position is the position of servant.

I think we need to just start being honest with ourselves and admit that a lot of people reject our churches because they’re too interested in Jesus to accept a counterfeit version.

When I look at the story of Jesus, I am consistently moved by the way people were attracted to his personality. With the exception of religious conservatives, everyone longed to be around Jesus and went to great lengths and great risk to spend time with him. I am convinced that if we built loving communities of faith that were raw and authentic, that embraced the excluded, and were known by how well they loved others, there wouldn’t be an empty chair in the sanctuary.

Because if a church were really to look like Jesus, people wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.


This post was written by Benjamin L. Corey.   For the original post, go to:  http://www.patheos.com/blogs/formerlyfundie/10-reasons-why-people-leave-church/




BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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Father's Day Meditation

6/15/2014

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“Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth.” Psalm 127:4

Fathers, do you think of yourself as a warrior archer and your children as your arrows? It is an interesting picture. One that is foreign to us in our technological, 21st century day. Though if we stop long enough to meditate on it the picture is very powerful. By this verse we see first that fathers are likened to warriors. Whether we know it or not, as fathers we are engaged in a battle for the souls of our children, for their protection, their provision and their purpose in life. 



This makes us ask the questions: Do your children know you as a kind of warrior on their behalf? Do they feel as though you are fighting for them spiritually? The frontlines of this battle are the prayers we say on our children’s behalf. It is also the conversation and relationship we have with our children. 


That is where the second part of this verse comes in. The verse says, our children are like “arrows” in a father’s hand. What this speaks to is the special role a father has in influencing and sending his children out into the world. It is like an archer shooting his arrow at a target. There is purpose and direction in where he wants the arrow to go. 


Again, this makes us ask a few questions: What are your spiritual goals for your children? How are you aiming your children towards those goals? Are you aiming them at targets that really matter and will make a difference in this world for the glory of God?

It it an awesome responsibility to be a father. Thankfully we have God’s grace and power to live as He calls us. This Father’s Day we want you to be aware of the grace and Gospel of our heavenly father. We want you to rejoice in Him and be renewed in your vigor to be the best reflection of His heart and passion His children for your children!

This post was written by Jason Kovacs.  For the original post, go to:  http://abbafund.wordpress.com/2008/06/13/arrows-in-the-hand-of-a-warrior-fathers-day-meditation/


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5 Things Christians Don't Like to Hear

6/14/2014

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As a pastor, whether it is from the pulpit or in my writings, it is hard to not limit my communications to things that people want to hear. Most of the time, I try to convey things that are challenging and inspirational. There are times, however, it is tempting to not convey what God is revealing. This is because these messages “don’t preach well” as we say in the pastoral world. Messages that tickle the eardrums put more people in church seats, increase giving, and make more friends. They are safe. Let’s face it, as Christians, there are things that we need to hear but don’t like to hear.

Here are 5 things I think we don’t like to be confronted with:

1. You’re wrong- The fact is, sometimes we as Christians do not have all the answers. The Bible is true. God is all-knowing, but sometimes this power and truth gets filtered through our biased minds and our wanting hearts. Somewhere in the midst, God’s message is lost. Christians know where to find truth, but sometimes our desires or even conditioned thought processes need to be carefully analyzed.

2. You have the power to influence- If we truly believe that the spirit of the living God lives in us then that should have some bearing on the way we interact with others. We don’t like to admit it, but following Christ means something. We have access to the power that created the universe and we are called to be ambassadors for God’s kingdom. This means we are resonsible to see this kingdom is shared.

3. People are watching you- This should not need much explanation. People within your sphere of influence want to know what this Jesus-following life truly looks like. Don’t dismiss your responsibility by saying you are imperfect, because God has us in a process that implies a journey towards perfection. Plus, the spirit that lives in us is perfect. Too intimidating to think about? Sorry…it’s what you signed up for…

4. Faith without action is dead- This is Biblical, and everyone needs to hear it. We can not continue to think that going to church and reading in our private study room is what this life is about. There has to be a point where we get out, and express our faith in a way that is concrete. Service, giving, and fellowship are among these things.

5. 10 percent is a good start- When asked about whether believers should give based on their gross or net income, Dave Ramsey said, “considering the average Christian gives only 2 percent, I would say it doesn’t really matter…” This convicted me when I heard it. Jesus was all about increasing the standard of living when it came to expressing the kingdom. Don’t worry…God can keep up.

Even though we don’t like to hear some things from time to time, it is good for the heart to be challenged. I hope we don’t simply skip over these ideas and think they do not apply. Let’s embrace what is difficult. Let’s love like never before and grow like we never thought we could.



This post was written by Rev DeCrastos.  The original post can be found here:  http://other-words.net/2014/06/09/5-things-christians-dont-like-to-hear/



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I'm grateful for my Father

6/13/2014

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Fatherhood Manifesto

6/12/2014

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Fathers, guard well what has been given to you.
It is not your job to simply bring home the bacon.
It is not your job to simply make sure the lawn is mowed.
They don’t need your wallet, even though they will some day ask for it.
Security is important, but it is not everything.
What they need is different.
What they need can’t be purchased.
What they need is set apart.
What they need is you.
All of you.
Heart.
Soul.
Attention.
Affection.
The part that may be locked deep inside of you.
It is time to reach in and let it come out.
They need to see the real you.
Imperfections and all.
They need you.
They need to know you love them.
They need to see that you love them.
No matter what.
Even when they are bad.
That you will always love them.
That you love them so much that you will show them a different way.
Through your gentleness and respect.
Through your consistency.
Through discipline.
By being authentic.
By being all there.
By showing them the example that you’ve been called to show.
Even when it hurts.
And even when you don’t know how.
This is your job.
When the world tells you it is about buying their heart.
You will win it by a different method.
You will win them over with love.


And they will change the world because of you someday.


Now go live it.



This post was written by Chad Missildine.  For the original post go to:  http://thewayitcouldbe.com/?p=6264


BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.



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10 Tips to forgiving your Father

6/11/2014

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Look, I may not know you and probably don’t know your situation or whatever. I speak from personal experience about forgiving, as I have worked through a lot of issues of the past (my folks split up when I was a kid and I carried it with me for years until I dealt with it).  I also speak from nearly 15 years of helping young people work through issues with their parents. The truth is, many of us, including grown adults, still struggle with forgiving our fathers.  Unforgiveness with fathers is a real big issue, the effects of which transcend every part of our broken society.

Fathers, as we know, are instrumental in helping establishing who we are and what we believe about the world. Their actions and words are like a pen on paper, writing into us our very identities.  Our sense of self worth is in their hands at a very young age and can be either established with strong roots or torn down to the dust.  Here are 10 Tips For Forgiving Your Dad:

1. Consider that you may be harboring unforgiveness.  Maybe, just maybe (or maybe not)- might you still be holding a grudge against your father?  Maybe he treated you or your mom poorly, maybe he wasn’t around much or at all.  Maybe he just made some poor choices.  Perhaps it is on the front of your mind or stuffed far away, but consider that you may be holding back forgiveness inside.  Even if your father has passed, you still may be dealing with unresolved issues.

What forgiveness is not- Forgiving does not mean that what happened is a good thing.  It does not mean that we put ourselves in a position to be hurt continually over and over again.  It does mean that we release the wrong-doing from the person.  We don’t hold it against them any more (like a debt being forgiven).

2. Talk about it with someone you trust.  Listen, don’t hold those thoughts and emotions to yourself any longer.  There is probably someone in you life that you can talk to about your father.  If you can, talk to someone who is trained as a counselor.  They can really help you identify what you really may be dealing with in terms of your past.  Darkness becomes less dark when it is brought out into the light.

3. Know it may take time to sort through.  Chances are, it took years (if not dozens of years) for your relationship with your father to be where it is today.  All that hurt isnt going to be undone over night.  It is going to take time to work through it.  Be patient.  If you shake a 2-liter bottle of Coke up violently, you can’t let all the pressure out at once.  It must be let out slowly or you will have a big mess on your hands!  Dealing with hurt can be the same way.  You may deal with it over time, but start the process of dealing with it today!

4. Know God knows how it feels.  His family has been totally broken since the beginning of time.  God gave man the choice to love him or not love him.  He has dealt with rejection millions of times over and it breaks his heart deeply every time.  He hurts with you, more than any person will ever know…but he doesn’t want to leave you there.

5. Choose to forgive before you want to forgive.  If you have a lot of pain inside from your father or mother that hasn’t yet surfaced, you probably don’t want to forgive. Choose to.  Please.  Decide to forgive.  Eventually, your heart will follow.  You won’t naturally want to forgive at first, or you would have done so a long time ago.  Stop waiting until you want to, decide to start forgiving today. 

6. Forgiving is not an option if you want to move on in life.  Many people never deal with the pain of the past.  I promise you those that don’t deal with their past will never walk into their true destiny in life.  They (or you perhaps) will always be held back in some regard by the past.  It is going to be painful, but allow yourself to process your past and you will be able to start really living in the present.  You need it more than you know!

7. Note your own limitations.  You are not perfect and neither are your parents.  They are human and they make mistakes.  I know this probably makes you frustrated hearing me say this (Chad, you don’t know me and you don’t know what I’ve been through.) You are probably right, I don’t know what it is like to be in your shoes.  Still, I know by experience that no one on earth is perfect.  None.  We all have limitations. 

8. See the effects of the generations. Your father (or mother) was a kid too. They didn’t choose the family they grew up in, the situation that formed and shaped them into who they are today.  The Bible talks about sin affecting generation upon generation.  The impact of one generation (positive or negative) can influence several generations down the road.  Even newer popular psychology supports this Biblical truth.  Your father is the product of several generations of imperfect men and women. You may be the very one in your family that breaks free…if you can forgive and allow yourself to be healed.

9. Know he probably did the best he knew how to do.  Seriously, he probably did the best he could.  I’m not saying he did a good job and that he isn’t responsible for his actions.  I’m just saying he probably didn’t have a great example when he was a kid.  He definitely didn’t have the resources, support and education that is readily available to fathers today.  He probably did the best he could at the time.  Forgive him.

10. Pray for your dad.  If you can get to the point where you can pray for your dad, you are getting somewhere.  As you begin to lift your dad up in prayer, you heart will start to slowly shift. You’ll even begin to see your earthy father the way your eternal father sees him- dependent, human, loved, forgiven.

3 Promises for Forgiving- I promise it’s worth it.  I promise it won’t be easy, but I promise you can do it.  You may not have control over the outcome of the relationship, but you certainly have control over whether or not you forgive.   I have an amazing relationship with my dad today and I love him more than anyone could love a dad.  We have gone through the fire and will be there for each other for as long as we have on earth.



This post was written by Chad Missildine.  For the original post, go to:  http://thewayitcouldbe.com/?p=2787

BE HOLY.

BE A MAN.

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