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Hilton Hotels remove porn

8/21/2015

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McLEAN, Virginia,  August 20, 2015 (LifeSiteNews) – The worldwide Hilton hotel chain has removed all porn channels from its hotels in 85 countries after a campaign that saw top executives each getting as many as 1,000 emails a week opposing the presence of porn in the hotels.

"Partly it was the public pressure," said Pat Truman, president and CEO of the National Center of Sexual Exploitation, which organized the three-year public campaign that convinced Hilton to make the move. "But to give Hilton credit, they thanked us in the end."

Truman told LifeSiteNews that Hilton already had in place a serious policy to prevent their hotels being used for sexual exploitation. "They realized it didn't make sense to be against that while promoting pornography, which is so closely connected to it. Sex traffickers use pornography to sell prostitution. It's all connected," said Truman.

Hilton made the announcement in a way that managed to let its lustier patrons know they could still get lascivious imagery on their hotel-supplied wifi connections. "We are making immediate changes  to our global brand standards to eliminate adult video-on-demand in all our hotels worldwide[.] … We believe in offering our guest as high degree of choice and control during their stays with us, including Wi-Fi on personal devices. However, we have listened carefully to our customers and have determined that adult-video-on-demand entertainment is not in keeping with our company's vision and goals."

Truman's organization noted that other chains had already dropped pornography, including Omni, Drury, Ritz-Carlton, Nordic Choice Hotels, and Marriott, the last after a campaign five years ago by the National Center of Sexual Exploitation under its previous name, Morality in Media.



"We lead a loose coalition of organizations and churches who circulate our materials to all their mailing lists," said Truman. Right now, the NCSE's "Dirty Dozen" list of porn-encouraging organizations includes Cosmopolitan magazine and the U.S. Department of Justice – the former for advertisements using child models and the latter for its failure, in the NCSE's view , to "enforce existing federal obscenity laws." As for Cosmo, the NCSE has succeeded in getting it hidden behind the checkout counters in over 1,000 Walmart and other stores.

In Hilton's case, many thousands of organizations and individuals contacted the hotel's executives (with email addresses supplied by Truman) to condemn the chain's pornography rentals and promise to take their business elsewhere. "It hurts when you lose entire conventions at a time, and we know that happened," said Truman. Now NCSE is asking supporters to thank Hilton by returning for a stay.

The issue is not just about the exploitation of the pornographic models, many of whom live and work in conditions close to slavery, but about the de-moralization of America, said Rob McIntire, a sex addiction counselor in Colorado Springs. "In more than half the divorces in Colorado, pornography is listed as a factor. Most women say they feel degraded by the knowledge their husband is looking at porn. They say it is like having another person in the bedroom."

McIntire applauded Hilton's move. His clientele of mostly male sex addicts "frequently acted out with porn when they stayed in hotels. And so did I. When I was working away, and staying in hotels, I would starve myself rather than eat so that I could spend my per diem on porn."

In recovery, his clients phone ahead to have the TVs removed from their hotel rooms or disabled. "But if there is a hotel with no porn, I'm sure they will be looking for it." Wives of porn addicts as well will be checking to make sure their husbands pick the porn-free hotels, and Christian organizations will do the same. "This could be really profitable for Hilton," said McIntire.



This post was written by Steve Weatherbe.  For the original post, go to:  https://www.lifesitenews.com/news/public-blitz-forces-hilton-hotels-to-drop-porn








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Teaching your son how to have sex

8/20/2015

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It’s really important that you understand what I’m NOT talking about here. What I’m NOT talking about is having “the sex talk” with your son. You absolutely need to do that, too. But that’s a totally different conversation, a much earlier conversation. 

No, what I’m talking about is a much more advanced course, a frank discussion where you explain the mechanics of how sex actually works to a young man who’s psychologically, mentally, and most important, spiritually prepared to hear about it. You not only have to allow plenty of time to get into all the nitty-gritty details, but you also want to be sure you give your son space to ask lots of questions. (And besides, let’s face it, Dads: When you’re super-expert Casanovas like we are, there are going to be lots of things that he’ll need explained.) 

And if you’re thinking you just might try to dodge this session because you know it’s going to be weird and uncomfortable, let me tell you a little story that I hope changes your mind. 

I have this buddy who was the king when it came to having the “sex talk.” Not only was this guy fearless, but he had a fantastic relationship with his son that he had been building up over years. When he was sure his son was ready, over the course of several different sessions, he would told him where babies really came from, how Dad and Mom had met, how they had gotten to know each other, how they fell in love, and how they were continuing to pursue God with their lives together. But apparently, he never really talked through the “how” of sex. Because one day, when he was routinely checking the Internet history on their computer, he found some porn videos. He checked the date and time when they had been downloaded, so he knew exactly who to go to to talk about it. When he confronted his boy with what he had discovered, his son responded with, “I just wanted to see how people actually have sex. I kind of got how sperm and eggs and all that stuff works from what you had told me, but I didn’t really get how they get together, and what goes where and stuff.” 

This is just one reason why I encourage all dads to step into the pain. When your son is ready—which is NOT at six years old, by the way—talk them through the “how to’s” of sex. Explain the urges, what erections are and what causes them, foreplay, and orgasm, and come.  You want my advice? Tell them as much as you can think of, including both the proper terms and the “vulgar” synonyms they might hear other people use. 

Your relationship overall will ultimately benefit from your honesty during this series of conversations. And if you’re still not sure, or maybe you’re kind of second-guessing whether you should give them all this information, let me ask you to seriously consider these questions: 

Where do you want them to learn this stuff? From a friend at school? From porn videos? From some girl they just met at a party? 

Or would you rather be in control of the honesty and truthfulness of where they get their information? 

This post was taken from the booklet Sex, Lust and XXX:  Fighting for your kids' purity in a sex saturated world. 

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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Teaching your son about lust

8/19/2015

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“The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, He will show you a way out so that you can endure.”

I don’t believe there’s a stronger, more inspiring verse in the whole Bible, especially for young men. Dads should have their sons commit every single word of this verse to memory—and then follow up by teaching them in practical ways how to stand on, trust in, and believe these words.

Here are what I consider to be the top life-changing promises for your son from this verse:

  • You are not alone! Other boys just like you (including your friends!) are struggling with lust too.
  • You’ll never face a temptation that is greater than you can handle.
  • God always provides a way out.

Say “No” to Masturbation

Um…did he just say the dreaded “M” word?!? You bet I did. Look, I know this can be a really controversial subject. And you can find strong arguments on both sides of this issue. But I am here to tell you that masturbation can (and does) lead a young boy down a dark path toward a secretive, almost inevitable, out-of-control addiction. Here’s the truth: I myself struggled with this as a child—which fed directly into an ongoing struggle with it during my young adult years. It will destroy your kids’ lives! Now, don’t shame your boys, threaten them, or act like the Big M is the unpardonable sin. But don’t ignore it, either! There is middle ground. Show your boys love and grace. Maintain honest, open communication with  them that gives you the rapport to have authentic, heart-deep conversations about this topic. Make your talk times a safe place where your boys are free to fail, ask questions, and wrestle with difficult, conflicted emotions.

 “Bounce” Your Eyes

“Bouncing” your eyes is a deceptively simple technique that I learned from Arterburn and Stoeker’s great book, Every Man’s Battle. (They have a newer version, too, directed specifically at younger men.) Here’s how this works: If you’re at the pool and you see a toned, barely-covered booty, you simply “bounce” your eyes away from her. When you’re standing in the lunch line at school, and some girl’s wearing a strappy number designed specifically to showcase the shape, style, and color of her bra, you “bounce” your eyes somewhere else. “Let’s see… How many ceiling tiles are in this room, anyway…?” Even if you’re at church—yes, it even happens there, sad to say!—and some lady has her “girls” out on display, “bounce” your eyes.

Dads, I can’t encourage you enough to teach your boys this at a young age. I promise it will pay dividends. I’d even recommend you check out the book Every Young Man’s Battle. Your sons are worth protecting!

That Girl Has a Dad

When you catch your son scoping out a young lady, here’s the gist of the conversation you need to initiate with him (in an appropriate setting): “So, son… You know that girl you were just lusting after earlier?” (Pause for dramatic effect.) “Well, that girl has a dad. His name is Jesus.” While moms can do this too if it’s necessary, I’ve generally found it to be more effective when dads take the lead on this one. Dads, you need to teach your boys to honor the daughters of God—instead of lusting after the daughters of God. One of these things pleases and brings honor to Him. The other one does not.

And finally, the single most important lesson you can teach your son about managing lust:

Live It Out

Dads, you can’t tell your son to live a life that you’re not willing to live yourself. There’s an ugly word we have for that: Hypocrisy. You know how you can’t stand it when you see hypocrisy in other people? What makes you think your kids can’t see it in you? Now, if you’ve been struggling with lust, masturbation, or pornography, or if you’re a sex addict, you need to know: You’re not alone!

Now is the time. This is your moment. Don’t put it off any longer. And stop lying to yourself that you’ll stop on your own eventually. Let’s be honest: Has that worked for you yet? Then get real and get help now. This is your chance to change history. You can reverse the curse for your family!

This post was taken from  Chris Spradlin’s new e-book, Sex, Lust, & XXX: Fighting for Your Kids’ Purity in a Sex Saturated World

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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6 ways to teach children about the value of honest work

8/18/2015

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My heritage includes laborers who were barrel makers, farmers, and butchers. It is in my blood to enjoy hard labor. My current job as a pastoral counselor affords me a comfortable chair and air conditioning. But, when I’m not ministering to others, my neighbors will observe me mowing and weeding along with many other chores. Little do they know that I revel in physical work and the joy of gazing upon the fruits of my labor.

So, I am puzzled when I encounter children and adults who do not prefer to work or even despise engaging in chores on a regular basis. It seems my anecdotal evidence has been studied and confirmed.

Jean Twenge, professor of psychology at San Diego State University, wrote “Generation Me: Why Today’s Young Americans are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled — and More Miserable than Ever Before” and “The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement.” Her research showed that today’s teenagers are more materialistic and less interested in working hard than baby boomers were in their teens.

God set in motion the idea of work with creation, before the Fall. In Genesis 2:15 He says, “The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it.” It wasn’t until after Adam and Eve sinned that work became toil. It is noteworthy to see that work was a “very good” part of creation. (Genesis 1:31)

How do we help our children to see that work is a very good thing?

1) Be a role model.  Sure, we all need rest, but how much time do we spend being unproductive? Do our children see us spending hours on Facebook or watching TV? Make certain they see a healthy balance of work and play.

2) Institute a chore system in your home.  Chores are for everyone in the house, not just parents. They become more complex and numerous as children age and mature. In my counseling room, I tell children, “The older you get, the more chores you have. But the older you get, you also get more privileges.” A three-year-old might pick up toys. A six-year-old can dust, help to sort laundry, and feed the dog. A nine-year-old is able to make the bed, vacuum, and wash dishes. A teen may detail the car, unload the dish washer, do his/her own laundry, take the trash out, and cook one meal a week.

3) Be consistent about chores.  So many families tell me, “We’ve done a chore chart but we haven’t followed through on making sure the jobs are done.” Big mistake! If children know you will not monitor their work, the chore chart will quickly become just another piece of paper on a crowded refrigerator.

4) Give rewards after completed chores.  It can work to tie allowances to chore completion. Any trip to the store with children most often results in this question, “Can I have____?” My answer is always, “Did you bring your chore allowance?” If not, parents, close your wallet. Let children learn the value of a dollar.

5) Teach that completed chores are a meal ticket.  Certainly, you cannot withhold proper nutrition from your children, but they (and you) can make choices. If they choose to not do a chore, then they choose to lose their chore allowance. As they get older and understand the consequences of their choices, then they are ready to learn that completed chores are a ticket to preferences for their next meal. Some of you may wince at this suggestion but no work done, no special choices (eating out rather than at home or having a special food) for the next meal or snacks and candy until the next time the family eats. This is how the real world operates. No free lunches. You can spend hours nagging your child to do chores or teach that you get what you work for.

6) Express that the family is a team.  Lots of moms and/or dads work full time. They are exhausted at the end of a day. Have a family meeting to discuss that it takes a team to effectively run a household. Emphasize that everyone is expected to work together. This includes chores but also the everyday things such as bringing your plates to the sink after a meal, depositing snack wrappers in the trash, keeping your room tidy, and hanging up your coat. Team work is a critical skill for life. Teach it first at home.

May the Lord shine His face upon your family as you train up your children in the ways of the Lord, which includes teaching children the value of hard work.

This post was written by Cathy Milans.  You can find her article here:  http://soulcarecollective.seedbed.com/2015/08/12/teaching-children-value-honest-work/




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Holy sex:  6 things to teach your children

8/17/2015

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Sex has been very much in the news lately: what it is, what it isn’t, what’s holy, what we’re designed for and what we aren’t. All this conversation is not lost on our kids, which means we have a wonderful teaching moment in front of us. They need to hear what we agree with and what we don’t agree with among all the messages out there, and they need positive messages about holy living.

If that sounds like an uncomfortable conversation to you, you’re in good company. Most parents dread it, maybe even avoid it. Consider this instead as an opportunity to spiritually shape your kids in a significant area of their development. Talk honestly, openly and often about who we are, how we’re made and what we’re designed for.

If you’re ready to help your kids understand sex from God’s point of view, share at least these six thoughts:

1) Good sex is holy.  We know this because God is holy, and God invented sex. Genesis teaches us that God cut male and female out of the same cloth, so we were created out of a kind of oneness. This is God’s design and when you know how something works, that’s empowering.

2) Good sex depends on a strong covenant.  Sex is designed to be practiced inside the covenant of marriage. The basic word in this whole holy design is covenant, which is basically a solemn agreement to either hang onto or step away from something. In the case of men, women and marriage, that covenant is a solemn agreement to hang onto each other for life, and sex is the sign of that covenant. The difference between covenant and no covenant is the difference between holy and human. Sex without covenant is like putting a BMW symbol on a Ford Pinto. You may have the symbol, but you don’t have the car (and the car you’ve got is likely to blow up).

3) Good sex is not shame-producing.  Sex was not designed to produce shame; it was designed to generate goodness. Over and over in the story of creation, we hear that God made things that are good. Men and women are called “very good.” Genesis 2:25 says, “The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” Sex inside of a healthy covenant relationship is designed to generate joy, not shame. I want your kids to hear that abuse is never acceptable, and that good sex is not shame-producing.

4) Good sex is not love-producing (but is a great response to good love).  Sex does not make love. It is a response to love, and love is not an act or emotion. It is a commitment. We “make love” happen not by engaging in physical acts, but by practicing mutual submission (see Ephesians 5:21) and by practicing habits with each other like patience, kindness and humility. We practice it by not keeping score or letting our anger get the best of us, and then we celebrate our successes in moments of sweet intimacy.

5) Good sex is ultimately about life.  This is the Genesis purpose of sex. God made us to be creators, and he made sex enjoyable so we’d be drawn to it. That’s why natural curiosity is a good thing. We want kids to understand God’s plan for pursuing that curiosity in a positive light. Our job is help our kids make sense of those curiosities and channel them toward God’s good, joyful, healthy design.

6) Holy sex is good.  It is not something to be afraid of (goodness, no!), nor is it something we are powerless to control. Talk to your kids about the power they have over their own lives, about the nature of true love, about the rewards of self-discipline. Talk to them about how to begin life with a holy end in mind, and about making goals that set them up to live well. And above all, model it. Because your life is the greatest lesson your kid will ever receive.

There are also six things that are important to remember as you prepare for a conversation with your kids:

1) Be approachable.  Make sure your kids know you love them and are coming at this from a place of affection, not condemnation.  Just a thought: My daughter taught me that I have a “parent voice” that isn’t very welcoming in casual conversation. I appreciated knowing that how I approach a conversation makes a difference in her openness to receiving it.

2) Be safe.  Make it clear (over and over) that you are the safest person to talk to. No matter what the question.

3) Be clear.  Be clear about what you consider to be right and wrong, and connect it to a biblical perspective. Don’t just give your opinion; back it up.  If you don’t know what you believe about something, say so, then go find an answer you are comfortable with.

4) Be age-appropriate.  Don’t be afraid to ask this question often: “Anything we need to talk about?” Think in terms of “talks,” not “the talk.” At different ages, our kids need different information. Don’t give the Ph.D. version while your child is still in kindergarten.

5) Be proactive.  Don’t assume your kids don’t care.  Kids are naturally inquisitive about how the world works, and they want to know what you think. Whether you sense it or not, you are the greatest influence in your child’s life.

6) Be positive.  Let your kids hear you say that God designed sex and made it special.  Remember:  God’s plan is not designed not to suck the fun out of life (far from it!) but so we will have the greatest opportunity for experiencing a joyful, rich and deep life that’s full of good love.

The current climate in our country gives us a great opportunity to talk with our kids about God’s design and their future.  Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified, for the Lord your God goes with you … (Deut. 31:6).


This post was written by Pastor Moore.  You can find the original post here:  http://seedbed.com/feed/holy-sex-6-things-tell-kids-6-ways/




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Sunday Meditation

8/16/2015

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See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.  Isaiah 43:19

Recovery involves a lot of hard work. Change and growth take effort. But we are not doing all the work ourselves. God is also at work. God is at our side in the process of healing.

Sometimes, of course, it seems like there is not much for God to work with. We see our diseases and disfunctions clearly and wonder how anything can be made out of this mess. But God is full of surprises. God can turn the most unlikely of events and experiences into opportunities to bring us new life and new hope.

Sometimes recovery seems like a desert wasteland, desolate, unproductive. We can't imagine that anything can grow here. The conditions are too hostile. It is into just such situations that God comes. In a trackless wilderness, God makes a way. In a parched wasteland, God causes a stream of water to spring up. It is a remarkable thing when God finds a path for us when we are completely lost. It is a remarkable thing when God provides nourishment for us in a wasteland. But God does, time and time again.

God is doing a new thing in us. It may be difficult for us to perceive at first. But little by little, day by day, new life and hope spring up. God can take the pathless wasteland of our lives and grow a garden there.

"Do you see it?" God asks "Can you see how it springs up? It will be a garden some day. It will yield a bountiful harvest."

I am not good at seeing it yet, Lord.
Will I bloom and grow?
Will my desert wasteland see a harvest?
Is there a path for me in this wilderness, Lord.
Are there streams of water here?
Surprise me, Lord.
And change me.
Give me the courage, hope and trust
to change a little today.


Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan 

National Association for Christian Recovery




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A cutting off

8/15/2015

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"And if thy right eye offend thee, PLUCK IT OUT,  and cast it from thee; for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. And if thy right hand offend thee, CUT IT OFF, and cast it from thee; for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell." — Matt. 5: 29, 30.

The natural life... has a close connection with the natural desires. Just so far as such desires are inordinate in their action, they are the result of unsanctified nature, and not of the Spirit of God. The root, however, the original and fruitful source of that state of things in the natural heart, which is conveniently denominated the Natural Life, is the inordinate action of the principle of SELF-LOVE; denominated, in a single term, selfishness. The pernicious influence from this source, with the exception of what has become sanctified by the Spirit of God, reaches and corrupts every thing. Hence the importance of the process of excision. It is not only important, but indispensably necessary, that this evil influence should be met and destroyed wherever it exists. A process often exceedingly painful; but inevitable to him, who would be relieved from his false position, and put in harmony with God. There must be a CUTTING OFF, and a renewed and repeated CUTTING OFF, till the tree of Self, despoiled of its branches and foliage, and thus deprived of the nourishment of the rain, the sun, and the atmosphere, dies down to its very root; giving place, in its destruction, to the sweet bloom of the tree of life.

A life of practical holiness depends essentially upon two things: FIRST, upon an entire consecration of ourselves, body and spirit, to the Lord; and SECOND, upon a belief that this consecration is accepted. We must, in the first place, offer up our whole being as a sacrifice to the Lord, laying all upon his altar. But we should remember, it is laid there, in order that the natural life may be consumed, and that there may be a resurrection of the true spiritual life from its ashes. He, therefore, who has consecrated himself to God, must expect that the truth of the consecration will be tested by the severity of an interior crucifixion, which is the death of nature, but in the end present and everlasting life. It is not till the flame has come upon us, and we have passed through the fire of the inward crucifixion, which consumes the rottenness and the hay and stubble of the old life of nature, that we can speak, in a higher sense, of the new life; and say, CHRIST LIVETH IN ME. 

— edited from The Interior or Hidden Life (1844) Part 2, Chapter 10 by Thomas Cogswell Upham.  You can find this post on The Hidden Life blog found here:  http://thomascupham.blogspot.com


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Devouring the poor

8/14/2015

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“In great cities,” noted Nathaniel Hawthorne, “it is unfortunately the case, that the poor are compelled to be the neighbors and fellow-lodgers of the vicious.” Hawthorne was writing about the slums of early 19th-century London, but his observation is timeless. Those among us who lack money tend to congregate in neighborhoods marred by crime and human exploitation.

It seems a harsh rule of life that the evil and manipulative prey upon the disadvantaged and naive. It seems even harsher that the strong oppress the weak.

A mysterious ancient sage known only as Agur wrote about such predators: “They have teeth like swords and fangs like knives. They devour the poor from the earth and the needy from among humanity” (Proverbs 30:14).

A particularly uncomfortable truth is that the poor as well as the predators come from the ranks of us! Agur surely sensed this hard reality. Perhaps that’s why he preceded his observation about human oppression with a candid admission of his own struggle for balance. He prayed, “Give me neither poverty nor riches! Give me just enough to satisfy my needs. For if I grow rich, I may deny you and say, ‘Who is the LORD?’ And if I am too poor, I may steal and thus insult God’s holy name” (Proverbs 30:8-9).

When Jesus walked with the rich and poor on Earth, He invited them all to a radical way of life regardless of their circumstances. His Sermon on the Mount stood conventional religion on its head. Love your enemies. Give lavishly. Forgive excessively. Pray for those who persecute you (see Matthew 5:1-7:29). When we put His radical commands into practice, He helps us bring a small slice of the kingdom of heaven to this often harsh but still wonderful world. 



This post was written by Tim Gustafson of Our Daily Bread.  You can find Our Daily Bread here:  www.odg.org


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10 myths about premarital sex

8/13/2015

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I recently picked up a copy of Premarital Sex in America by Mark Regnerus and Jeremy Uecker and was pleasantly surprised at some of the insights. While I have been writing, teaching, and speaking for years to both teens and adults on the issue of premarital sex, this book opened my eyes to some of the more important trends emerging today.

This blog is adapted from the last chapter in the book entitled, “The Power of Stories and Ten Myths about Sex in Emerging Adulthood.” The empirical data suggests that these are true most of the time. There are exceptions, of course.

MYTH 1: Long-term relationships are a thing of the past

Many emerging adults (ages 18-23) tend to hold two views in tension—that sexual experimentation is valuable and yet one should not cheat on a monogamous partner. Indeed, many consider it stupid and unhealthy not to be sexually active in various relational settings. And yet most desire a lasting exclusive relationship. According to the research of Regnerus and Uecker, at least 50 percent of marriages last a lifetime, despite what most emerging adults tend to think.

MYTH 2: Sex is necessary to maintain a struggling relationship

The reality is that most relationships fail and the sooner one introduces sex into the relationship the greater chance it will fail.

MYTH 3: The sexual double standard between men and women is wrong and should be resisted

The authors of Premarital Sex in America argue that there are genuine differences in how men and women approach and experience sex that are deeply engrained. They conclude, “Unfortunately, many well-meaning adults and educators want so badly to dismantle the double standard that they work to normalize any and all consensual sexual relationships, rather than considering whether common experiences of sexual regret are in fact telling us something” (244).

MYTH 4: Boys are sexual beings and cannot be expected to follow sexual norms

This myth is both false and harmful. Young men can make wise sexual decisions if they are taught how to and the standard is set high.

MYTH 5: You are entirely in charge of your own sexuality; others’ decisions don’t matter

Despite the individualistic mindset that dominates how emerging adults think about sexuality our choices are deeply influenced by other people’s sexual decisions. The choices of other people affect us financially, emotionally, relationally, and in terms of our expectations of sexual behavior.

MYTH 6: Porn will not affect your relationships

I have written on this elsewhere, so I won’t go into detail. The reality is that porn use has a significant negative impact on relationships.

MYTH 7: Others are having more sex than you

Most emerging adults significantly overestimate how much sex is really going on around them. Most think that other people are having more sex than they actually are. As a result, emerging adults act on this false perception rather than reality.

MYTH 8: Sex doesn’t need to mean much

In reality sex is a very significant matter. There is nothing humans do that involves more of our minds, hearts, emotions, memories, self-image, and bodies. Sexual decisions stay with us for a lifetime.

MYTH 9: Marriage can wait for later

Despite common perceptions, the majority of emerging adults want to get married. But most want to wait awhile before doing so. The reality is that this is easier said than done. Life plans don’t always progress as young people envision.

MYTH 10: Living together is a positive step towards marriage

Between 50 and 70 percent of couples cohabit today. But only about 1 in 5 such relationships result in marriage. And the results are consistently pessimistic for those cohabiters who do marry (202).

I would highly recommend Premarital Sex in America for those who work with either emerging adults or younger students. It provides a deeply researched and balanced insight into the sexual lives of 18-23 year-olds.

This post was written by Sean McDowell.  You can find the original post here:  
http://www.conversantlife.com/relationships/ten-myths-about-premarital-sex

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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7 negative effects of porn

8/12/2015

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Porn is a problem. It's a personal problem for many and a cultural problem for all. You may think you have not been affected by porn, but you have because it's embedded in the surrounding culture. The staggering size of the pornography industry, its influence upon the media and the acceleration of technology, paired with the accessibility, anonymity, and affordability of porn all contribute to its increasing impact upon the culture.

Pornography affects you whether you’ve ever viewed it or not, and it is helpful to understand some of its negative effects, whether you are a man or woman, struggling with watching it, or simply a mom or dad with a son or daughter. There is a plethora of research on the detrimental effects of pornography (and I do not think that what follows are necessarily the worst of them), but here are seven negative effects of porn upon men and women:

1. PORN CONTRIBUTES TO SOCIAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEMS WITHIN MEN 

Anti-pornography activist, Gail Dines, notes that young men who become addicted to porn, “neglect their schoolwork, spend huge amounts of money they don’t have, become isolated from others, and often suffer depression.” (Pornland, 93). Dr. William Struthers, who has a PhD in biopsychology from the University of Illinois at Chicago, confirms some of these and adds more, finding that men who use porn become controlling, highly introverted, have high anxiety, narcissistic, curious, have low self-esteem, depressed, dissociative, distractible (Wired for Intimacy, 64-65). Ironically, while viewing porn creates momentary intensely pleasurable experiences, it ends up leading to several negative lingering psychological experiences.

2. PORN REWIRES THE MALE BRAIN 

Struthers elaborates,  As men fall deeper into the mental habit of fixating on [pornographic images], the exposure to them creates neural pathways. Like a path is created in the woods with each successive hiker, so do the neural paths set the course for the next time an erotic image is viewed. Over time these neural paths become wider as they are repeatedly traveled with each exposure to pornography. They become the automatic pathway through which interactions with woman are routed….They have unknowingly created a neurological circuit that imprisons their ability to see women rightly as created in God’s image (Wired For Intimacy, 85).
In a similar vein regarding porn’s effect upon the brain, Naomi Wolf writes in her article, "The Porn Myth,"

After all, pornography works in the most basic of ways on the brain: It is Pavlovian. An orgasm is one of the biggest reinforcers imaginable. If you associate orgasm with your wife, a kiss, a scent, a body, that is what, over time, will turn you on; if you open your focus to an endless stream of ever-more-transgressive images of cybersex slaves, that is what it will take to turn you on. The ubiquity of sexual images does not free eros but dilutes it. 

3. PORN TURNS SEX INTO MASTURBATION 

Sex becomes self-serving. It becomes about your pleasure and not the self-giving, mutually reciprocating intimacy that it was designed for.

4. PORN DEMEANS AND OBJECTIFIES WOMEN 

This occurs from hard-core to soft-core pornography. Pamela Paul, in her book Pornified, quoting the research of one psychologist who has researched pornography at Texas A&M, writes,

‘Softcore pornography has a very negative effect on men as well. The problem with softcore pornography is that it’s voyeurism teaches men to view women as objects rather than to be in relationships with women as human beings.’ According to Brooks, pornography gives men the false impression that sex and pleasure are entirely divorced from relationships. In other words, pornography is inherently self-centered–something a man does by himself, for himself–by using another women as the means to pleasure, as yet another product to consume (80).

Paul references one experiment that revealed a rather shocking further effect of porn: “men and women who were exposed to large amounts of pornography were significantly less likely to want daughters than those who had none. Who would want their own little girl to be treated that way?” (80).

Again, it needs to be emphasized, that this is not an effect that only rests upon those who have viewed porn. The massive consumption of porn and the the size of the porn industry has hypersexualized the entire culture. Men and women are born into a pornified culture, and women are the biggest losers. Dines continues,

By inundating girls and women with the message that their most worthy attribute is their sexual hotness and crowding out other messages, pop culture is grooming them just like an individual perpetrator would. It is slowly chipping away at their self-esteem, stripping them of a sense of themselves as whole human beings, and providing them with an identity that emphasizes sex and de-emphasizes every other human attribute (Pornland, 118).

5. PORN SQUASHES THE BEAUTY OF A REAL NAKED WOMAN 

Wolf, in her own blunt way, confirms this,

For most of human history, the erotic images have been reflections of, or celebrations of, or substitutes for, real naked women. For the first time in history, the images’ power and allure have supplanted that of real naked women. Today, real naked women are just bad porn (Quoted in Wired for Intimacy, 38).

6. PORN HAS A NUMBING EFFECT UPON REALITY

It makes real sex and even the real world boring in comparison. It particularly anesthetizes the emotional life of a man. Paul comments,

Pornography leaves men desensitivzed to both outrage and to excitement, leading to an overall diminishment of feeling and eventually to dissatisfaction with the emotional tugs of everyday life…Eventually they are left with a confusing mix of supersized expectations about sex and numbed emotions about women…When a man gets bored with pornography, both his fantasy and real worlds become imbued with indifference. The real world often gets really boring…” (Pornified, 90, 91).

7. PORN LIES ABOUT WHAT IT MEANS TO BE MALE AND FEMALE 

Dines records how porn tells a false story about men and women. In the story of porn, women are “one-dimensional”–they never say no, never get pregnant, and can’t wait to have sex with any man and please them in whatever way imaginable (or even unimaginable). On the other hand, the story porn tells about men is that they are “soulless, unfeeling, amoral life-support systems for erect penises who are entitled to use women in any way they want. These men demonstrated zero empathy, respect, or love for the women they have sex with…(Pornland, xxiv).”

This content originally appeared on theResurgence.com. Resurgence exists to train people to love and worship Jesus in all of life. Visit theResurgence.com for more gospel-centered resources.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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