He sat across the table from me, trying to convince me that his behavior wasn't hurting anybody.  "I'm not having sex, I'm just having some fun!"  He proceeded to tell me  his story.   It's one that I have heard many times.  Unfortunately.

His behavior started fairly innocently.  He was happily married but there were occasions that his wife would work late.  During these times, on occasion, he would call a "chat line."  The conversations started out innocent enough but he didn't realize that he was being fleeced.  God speaks about this.  He says,"with persuasive words she led him astray; she seduced him with her smooth talk."   The young lady on the other end of the phone started flirting with him and tapped into his ego.  The next time he called her, she talked about how wonderful he was and how he helped her not to feel so lonely.  A few calls later, the trap was sprung.   He gave her his credit card number so that she would "tell him things that she knew he wanted to hear."  His calls continued with greater frequency.  He would get out of bed where his wife was sleeping to call this young lady.  She was always available to him and would say things that his wife would never say.  

He started to feel guilty and talked to the young lady about not calling her anymore.  That is when she set the hook.  She told him that she was a college student and that she needed the money to pay for school.  She admitted that she did this with just a few men and that they "weren't doing anything wrong."  

He looked at me and said, "but, I'm not cheating!!! I'm not having sex with her.  We're just having a little fun .  No one's getting hurt and I'm helping her pay for her education."  

I cautioned him about his behavior.  I explained to him what such behavior leads to.  That's when he said, "funny you should say that...."    He  then proceeded with this all too familiar story:

This young lady suggested that they meet.  It was a town that he visited on business often.   She explained that she offered private services to help men feel more masculine and perform better in bed.  She explained that he would enjoy it as "most men do."  

He went to the house that she and several other young women (who were working their way thru college too)  used to "help men."  There was never any intercourse.  He was "learning how to let a woman be in charge."   He found these lessons exhilarating.  He paused in his story, "but, I'm not cheating!!! We aren't having sex and I really like how she makes me feel."  It's as if he was trying to convince himself more than he was trying to convince me.  

I would love to be able to tell you that this man conquered this illicit behavior but I cannot.  His life became a disaster.  

One night when he was talking to this young woman on the phone, his wife happened to be listening on the extension.  The next day, when he got home from work, he found his belongings on the yard, the locks changed and a court injunction prohibiting him from ever seeing his wife again.  The divorce proceedings were quick and he soon found himself on the street with no home.

I haven't had any contact with him since.  I don't know where he is and I don't know if he got help.  I do pray for him, hoping that he has turned to God and is living a life that represents Christ well.

Why do I tell you this story?  I guess you need to know that it is easy for men to rationalize their sinful behavior.   Men have a tendency to compartmentalize their behavior and think that their lives cannot be affected.  

God has something to say about this.  ‎"The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, a puzzle that no one can figure out. But I, God, search the heart and examine the mind. I get to the heart of the human. I get to the root of things. I treat them as they really are, not as they pretend to be."   

So, what is in your heart?  
Are you pretending?  
Ask God to give you a new heart.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

There is so much more to this question than just a cut and dry answer. I think when Pastors are approached with this question its easier to answer on the spot than in a blog. Answering this question takes having some background and some more information than just saying Yes or No. Lets look at some questions I have been asked through the years.

Is Masturbation OK if we are married?

Many times people get very legalistic about what they can and can’t do with the confines of a marriage bed. As we talk about this the first Caveat is I would never endorse anything that makes someone feel shame or anything that is being forced on one another. Paul uses these words when dealing with our hearts 1 Corinthians 6:12-13

12 “All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be dominated by anything. 13 “Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food”—and God will destroy both one and the other. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. That being said I think there are ways that manual stimulation can be used between a married couple that are fine and don’t need to bring up thoughts of guilt or shame.

What if my Spouse and I can’t be together?

I get this question from time to time from military members who are deployed or are separated for some reason from their spouse. The Bible is very clear that you should only have eyes for your spouse. If this brings you closer to your spouse during long separations and doesn’t drive a wedge in your relationship I would say that could be OK. I would beware of the wandering mind and if doing it distracts from thoughts of your spouse I would steer clear of it altogether.

My wife isn’t that interested in sex and I am so can’t I do this to tide me over until the next time we have sex?

Although this may seem like its the same question as above I view this differently. Masturbation can distract and be a coping mechanism that isn’t healthy inside of a relationship. I would strongly warn against doing this and labeling it as a need. Sexual appetites are like any others the more you feed them the more they consume us. Excessive masturbation can lead men and women to have a skewed view of sex with your spouse.

I’m single and It keeps me from sleeping around. Isn’t this ok?

I would disagree with the thought process here altogether. Jesus said this when dealing with thoughts of the mind.Matthew 5:27-28 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. So if your lusting after women its the same thing. Keeping a pure mind is difficult enough in todays world and adding masturbation and fantasy to it is not going to make that any easier. Masturbation is not simply a physical act it also engages the mind as well, and that is where we need to be extremely careful.

Is the act of masturbation alone a sin?

The Bible tells us everything we need to know not everything we want to know. Unfortunately the bible isn’t filled with an FAQ section. The Bible is very specific when it comes to the heart issues that can surround masturbation. The Bible tells us not to worship ourselves, Not to lust after women, That our eyes are the window to our soul, To be careful and guard our hearts and many more things that can relate to this issue. When pressed I don’t think we can say the act in and of itself is a sin but it can cause us to sin and this is why we must be very careful when dealing with this subject.

This post was written by Rod Poepping of XXX Church.  The original post with comments can be found here:  http://www.xxxchurch.com/men/pastorsblog/what-do-i-do-when-asked-if-masturbation-is-ok.html

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

Iron Mike Tyson is one of the most iconic, controversial—and also most jacked-up—sports figures of all time. And I absolutely loved watching him fight. He had the unprecedented power to knock his opponent out with just one punch. He would send you crying to mama in the first forty-five seconds of round one. And if you weren’t careful…he just might spit in your face and go to town gnawing on your ear! (Just ask Evander Holyfield.) 

Even though Iron Mike was unquestionably messed up, I couldn’t help loving him as a fighter and an athlete. Because no matter what else you could say about him, he genuinely had that “Eye of the Tiger.” The dude just loved to hit, scrap, punch you in the face, bite, trash talk, kick your booty, fight—and win! He simply stubbornly refused to lose. 

Hey parents, listen up: We need more Iron Mike Tysons in this world. 

Oh, you read that right. What I mean is we need parents who are willing to hit, scrap, punch, bite, and fight for their kids! (Of course, I don’t mean you should hit your kids.) 

But here’s who you should hit: the enemy who’s bent on stealing, killing, and destroying our families. And it’s totally gloves off with that punk. It’s Rumble in the Jungle, Thrilla in Manila, Sting in the Ring, Fight of the Century, all-out war! 

But instead of Iron Mike Tyson parenting, what we’re surrounded with today is lazy, apathetic, exhausted, busy, workaholic, God-dodging, materialistic parenting. Mom and Dad, it’s time you turn off that phone. Stuff that To-Do list in a drawer. Turn off the TV. Get your butt up off that couch. Lace up your boxing gloves… And FIGHT for your kids. 

Five Things Every Parent Needs to Fight for for Their Kids: 

1. Time. James 4:13–14 says, “How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone.” Make time for your kids today. Nobody’s promising you a tomorrow with them. 

2. Purity. Did you know that the largest audience for Internet porn is kids aged twelve to seventeen years old? Understand this: Satan has a dream, a vision, and a coordinated plan to take your kids out. He wants them checking out porn, keeping secrets, rounding second base and sliding into third, plunging headlong into promiscuity! Parents, please… dig deep and find the guts to FIGHT for your kids’ purity! 

3. Marriage. Is your marriage on life support? Are you at that point where the doc should just come in and pull the plug? Have you been secretly dreaming about some other person besides your spouse? Have you been having an emotional affair? What about a full-on sexual one? Then let me tell you what happens next: Fight for your  marriage! Or risk losing it all—including your kids. It really is just that simple. Sure, it’s tough. I get it. Things are jacked up. I get that maybe you’re not “feeling it” anymore. But one of the greatest gifts you can give your kids is modeling for them how to have a healthy, vibrant, passionate love affair—with your spouse! 

4. History. So, what’s your deal? Are you a yeller? Does your anger cause your kids to walk on eggshells around you? Are you a workaholic? Spiritually passive? Porn addict? Critical heart? You know that’s not who you want to be. So why are you still keeping that old man around? Kick him to the curb! Find out what it really means to be in Christ, and to have Him in you. You CAN change the pattern of history that has so far defined your life. Write the legacy that your kids deserve. But here’s the thing: You’re going to have to get bloody knuckles to make it happen. FIGHT! 

5. The Obvious. Fight to keep Jesus in the center of your family. The only thing trying to stop you is the whole world. Don’t let it. Push back. When the cares of this world try to start a fistfight with your family, you pull a knife. When they pull a knife, you pull a gun. Fight! Every day of your life, as soon as you get up, strap on your armor. (See Ephesians 6:10–18 to learn how.) Read God’s Word together, pray together, go to church together, talk about Jesus on the way to school, when you get up and before you go to bed. It's time to RE-UP.  Recommit to making Jesus the centerpiece of your life.

This post was taken from the booklet Sex, Lust and XXX:  Fighting for your kids' purity in a sex saturated world. 

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

For many years Christian scholars have written about the disconnect between the belief system of Christianity and the practical application of these beliefs. Studies show that many of the things that are occurring outside of the Christian realm are also happening within the Church. When we look at attitudes, adultery, divorce, financial mismanagement, and even suicide the statistics are not making a great case for inviting others into a transforming relationship with Jesus. In many cases God seems to be taking people through a difficult period in their life to show them blessing and strengthen their faith. Other times, believers may stray from Biblical principles in search of their own comfort and this is what causes the distress.

In the latter conclusion one has to evaluate what is missing to send them down this path. Is the power of God not strong enough? Is this message untrue? Is Christ’s redeeming work actually not applicable in today’s context? These are all valid questions especially for someone who is witnessing the behavior and attitude of someone who claims to follow God.

I think this disconnect comes from a fundamental misunderstanding of belief. As pastors and Biblical teachers we have often looked at Christian principles as a set of facts to be memorized and have encouraged people to agree with this information. It is easy to do this especially when the teacher presents a good case.

Agreement is a wonderful conclusion and we want people to agree with the information we are conveying, but the real goal is acceptance. Many people are struggling in their faith (that they cognitively agree with) because they have not fully accepted that God loves them and there is nothing they can do about it. They need to know that Christ desires that they live a life that reflects this love to the world (the love that is hard to accept because hurts still occur and are being grieved). Accepting this persistent love makes transformation possible….it is the key to showing the world this information is not meaningless data, but life giving.

This post was written by Rev DeCrastos.  You can find the original post here:  
http://other-words.net/2012/10/03/stop-agreeing/

Last week was anti-porn week here at Ironstrikes.  I hope that you were able to read about the five topics:

1.  Porn and sexual satisfaction
2.  Porn and fake relationships
3.  Porn and women
4.  Porn and cruelty
5.  Porn is insidious

Readers have asked about the Zillman-Bryant study from which these five posts were taken.  In the early 1980s, Dr. Doll Zillmann of Indiana University and Dr. Jennings Bryant of the University of Alabama wondered whether continued exposure to video pornography had any impact on people's sexual beliefs and their attitudes towards women.  For their experiment, 80 male and 80 female college-age participants were divided into three subgroups, and each group was shown 4 hours and 48 minutes of media.  

1.  The first group, the “Massive Exposure Group,” was shown 36 non-violent pornographic films over a six-week period. 

2.  The second group, the “Intermediate Exposure Group,” was exposed to 18 pornographic films and 18 regular films over a six-week period. 

3.  The third (control) group, the “No Exposure Group,” was shown 36 non-pornographic movies over a six--week period

You may be saying, "that is an old study, what relevance does it have to today?"

At a 2011 conference, Dr. Mary Anne Layden commented about Zillmann and Bryant’s 25-year-old research. “When this study was done, what was called the ‘Massive Exposure Group" -- seeing five hours of porn over  a six-week period -- "I now call that the Friday Afternoon Group."

Her statement is far from an exaggeration.  A recent survey of 29,000 people at North American universities, shows 51% of men and 16% of women spend up to five hours per week online for sexual purposes, and another 11% of men spend anywhere from five to twenty  hours per week. What used to be “massive” exposure is now common practice.

Furthermore, the Internet has not only increased the public’s exposure to porn, but has also changed the way it is consumed. Dr. Jill Manning believes Zillmann and Bryant’s findings have greater applicability in the modern age because Internet porn tends to be more interactive and consumer-driven. Viewers can select exactly who and what they want to see, custom-tailored to their greatest specifications.

This week, I will be giving four solid tips in helping to curb your vulnerability to porn.

This post is taken from the booklet, YOUR BRAIN ON PORN by Luke Gilkerson.  The booklet can be found at:  http://www.covenanteyes.com/brain-ebook/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

I was a camp counselor and we were having a great worship time with our preteen campers.  However, up front, two backup singers were helping the worship leader by moving in time with the music (some people would call it choreography, others would call it dancing).  With their movement, certain body parts were also moving and it was very noticeable.  Being a normal  man, I was distracted from my worship by such movement.  Afterwards, I overheard a couple of the preteens boys in a discussion about how these two women looked (they were camp counselors as well).  It was obvious that I wasn't the only male that was stimulated...

Men whom I have counseled have told me similar stories.  They become stimulated, and some even become triggered by such activity in the church.   Their mind wanders away from worship and often this stimulation leads to acting out once they leave church.  Not only do some become triggered by viewing worship leaders but sometimes they also become stimulated by the way that some women dress in the church.  If they attend a church that "hugs," these men may also be triggered by such activity.

These men need the strength that comes with corporate worship but it often backfires for them.

How does a man who is addicted to sexual activity keep himself from becoming triggered when he goes to church?  This is an extremely difficult thing for such men to work thru.  There are no easy answers and it takes real work to follow thru with some of these ideas:

1 - Don't sit up front or where you can see the worship leaders
2 - Or sit close to the front behind a large person who will block your view (that way you won't see the women in the congregation nor the women up front)
3 - Close your eyes when you are singing
4 - Concentrate on the Creator rather than the creation
5 - Come late to the service so that you miss the worship time
6 - Consider going to a church that does not have such stimulating activity
7 - Sit with a male friend who knows of your struggles who will help you stay focused and not let you look around and who will pray for you while in church
8 - Talk to your pastor about your struggles and ask for assistance/ideas 
9 - Join an accountability group and be honest about your thoughts during church and also pray about your mutual struggles.

These ideas are very hard to do and take much prayer, much mental discipline and the empowerment of the Holy Spirit.  

The answer is not to just make sure that women dress correctly. In case you didn't know, in churches that have organs, many have a screen so that you cannot see the organist's feet.  This is done because it used to be too sensual for men to see the organist's naked foot.  So, policing what women in  the church wear is not the answer.  

If you are a pastor, worship leader, or someone in a position of authority in your church, I would encourage you to spend some time thinking and praying about your church and what kinds of messages your church may send to people who struggle with sexual sin.    Ask God to give you wisdom so that your church is healthy and not a hindrance.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

A new study by Patrick F. Fagan examines the effects of pornography on individuals, marriage, family and community. Fagan is Senior Fellow and Director of the Center for Research on Marriage and Religion at the Family Research Council. He specializes in examining the relationships among family, marriage, religion, community, and America's social problems. This study is important for everyone to read as it demonstrates that it has damaging effects on individuals and families. In the summary Fagan explains,

Pornography is a visual representation of sexuality which distorts an individual's concept of the nature of conjugal relations. This, in turn, alters both sexual attitudes and behavior. It is a major threat to marriage, to family, to children and to individual happiness. In undermining marriage it is one of the factors in undermining social stability. 

Social scientists, clinical psychologists, and biologists have begun to clarify some of the social and psychological effects, and neurologists are beginning to delineate the biological mechanisms through which pornography produces its powerful negative effects.Some of the findings inside the study include:

• Pornography is addictive, and neuroscientists are beginning to map the biological substrate of this addiction.
• Users tend to become desensitized to the type of pornography they use, become bored with it, and then seek more perverse forms of pornography.
• Married men who are involved in pornography feel less satisfied with their conjugal relations and less emotionally attached to their wives. Wives notice and are upset by the difference.
• Pornography use is a pathway to infidelity and divorce, and is frequently a major factor in these family disasters.
• Among couples affected by one spouse's addiction, two-thirds experience a loss of interest in sexual intercourse.
• Many adolescents who view pornography initially feel shame, diminished self-confidence, and sexual uncertainty, but these feelings quickly shift to unadulterated enjoyment with regular viewing.
• The main defenses against pornography are close family life, a good marriage and good relations between parents and children, coupled with deliberate parental monitoring of Internet use. Traditionally, government has kept a tight lid on sexual traffic and businesses, but in matters of pornography that has waned almost completely, except where child pornography is concerned. Given the massive, deleterious individual, marital, family, and social effects of pornography, it is time for citizens, communities, and government to reconsider their laissez-faire approach.

This post was written by Ed Stetzer.  The original post can be found here:
http://www.churchleaders.com/pastors/pastor-blogs/139251-the_effects_of_pornography.html/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

This post is preceded by "building monogamy" which should be read before this post as they went together when originally posted.  

Put simply, a direct correlation can be made between physical connection for a man and mental connection for a woman. The truth of this really hit home when I read Shaunti Feldhahn’s For Women Only. 

In her attempt to explain to women the significance of sex for men, she wrote,

"For your husband, sex is more than just a physical need. Lack of sex is as emotionally serious to him as, say, his sudden silence would be to you, were he simply to stop communicating with you. It is just as wounding to him, just as much a legitimate grievance—and just as dangerous to your marriage."

This explains a lot! What the body is to a man, the mind is to a woman. Women treasure mental intimacy like men prize physical intimacy. And just like men expect women to keep their bodies exclusively for them, women expect their men to do the same with their minds.

I am just now beginning to understand what women mean when they say the brain is a sex organ. And I am just now recognizing why a wife feels so betrayed when her husband allows pornography to fondle his mind. She is deeply wounded on at least two levels.

First, pornography violates a wife’s exclusive domain.Please bear with me as I illustrate the significance of this truth. My purpose is to help men appreciate the anguish women often experience, not to be offensive.

If you are a man, imagine your wife walking through a room full of men. They turn to notice her. Many leer. One reaches out and begins fondling intimate parts of her body. What do you hope she will do?

Every man hopes his wife will consider her body the exclusive domain of her husband, reserved for him alone—his eyes, his hands, his enjoyment—granting access to no other person. He hopes she will be offended, utterly outraged when touched by someone other than her husband. He hopes she will slap the violator’s hand away and then move quickly toward the exit. Every man expects his wife to guard her body from interloping hands, whether he’s present or not.

Now imagine the unthinkable. In response to the man touching her body, she pauses and smiles at him as he continues to grope. Another man sees an opportunity and touches another part of her. She doesn’t respond in kind, but she doesn’t rush for the door, either. In fact, she appears to enjoy the attention.

How do you feel right now?

This is how a woman feels when her husband allows sensual images to grope his mind, her exclusive domain.

Now imagine the additional pain you would experience if, after confronting your wife’s behavior, she justified or rationalized or minimized the incident. Oh, honey, it was harmless. I didn’t do anything in return. Besides, God made me an attractive woman; I can’t help what men try to do. The world is full of men who will try to touch me, should I lock myself away and avoid the whole world? You’re the only one for me, really. That incident didn’t mean anything!

There’s a lot of truth in what she says. She can’t help what a world full of men think or even try to do. Locking herself away isn’t a realistic answer. Perhaps to her it did mean nothing. But none of that is important. The facts are these: It meant something to you; she should care about that. She can’t control the actions of others; however, she can guard her response. She can’t stop men from leering, but she can avoid risky environments. Someday a man might try to touch her inappropriately, but she can slap his hand away and remove herself from the situation.

Sensual images seem less significant, less threatening to men. But not to women. A wife needs to know—not merely by her husband’s words, but by his behavior—that his mind is completely devoted to her. She understands that the world will continue to assault men with sensual images; nevertheless, she wants—no, she needs her man to protect and preserve what belongs to her.

Second, pornography destroys the foundation upon which a wife builds security.Based on more than twenty years of research and innumerable hours in couples’ therapy, Willard Harley reduced the needs of women to a single word: security.

“A sense of security is the bright golden thread woven through all of a woman’s five basic needs. If a husband does not keep up honest and open communication with his wife, he undermines her trust and eventually destroys her security.”

Pornography is almost always a secret sin, the core element of a hidden other life. When a woman discovers that her husband has been devoting portions of his mind to sexually gratifying images and then closing off those areas to her, the revelation shakes her world to its very foundation. She naturally begins to wonder what other terrible secrets occupy the mind she thought she knew so well. And if she had been so mistaken about knowing her man’s mind, how can she be certain of anything else? Furthermore, his dishonesty destroys her trust, the essential basis of any relationship.

Ironically, when men discover they are victims of adultery, they frequently describe similar thoughts.

While men struggle to understand why women place pornography in the same category with adultery, we must try; or, at the very least, accept the testimony of women at face value. For women, whose intimacy rests upon a foundation of mental connection, the effect of pornography on marriage is very much the same as outright adultery. It destroys intimacy. It betrays trust. And, even when undiscovered, viewing pornography creates emotional distance. In the end, women suffer the same physical, psychological, and spiritual anguish men experience as a result of adultery.

Men, let us always remember that the mind we protect is not ours alone. When we allow an enemy to enter, our mate suffers greater injury than we realize. Therefore, guard your heart with all diligence. Your heart is more than the wellspring of your own life; it is also her fortress.

This post was written by Mark Gaither.  For the original post complete with comments, go to:  http://www.covenanteyes.com/2009/07/27/is-porn-the-same-as-adultery/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN

The Church in my parts was shocked to learn recently that a brother who has been trained by a prominent evangelism group to the point that he was flying to California to participate in helping train others how to share the gospel with the lost and he was often found in various local churches teaching people how to share their faith, he was arrested for sexual molestation of various women in his practice and was found guilty by the court and sent to prison leaving behind a devastated wife and young children to take care of themselves.  At first, we thought the allegations were nothing but the enemy of our souls rising up against a strong brother who was seeking to preach the gospel to the lost.  This man would pass out tracts, preach on the streets, and would be found sharing Jesus in almost any place he went.  To this man, soul winning was a natural part of his life and he believed that disciples of Jesus should preach the gospel at all times.

And yet he fell.

I don’t know his heart today.  I personally did not know the man but only through mutual friends did I know about him.  I don’t know his heart nor whether today he is seeking the Lord.  I pray that he is.  This post is not about this man but simply about keeping Jesus as our focus and not anything or anyone else.  Jesus, not prayer, not the Church, not soul winning, not Bible reading, not memorizing Scripture, not giving money – Jesus alone is our salvation.  We must always keep that in mind.  Arminianism does not save.  Calvinism does not save.  Lutheranism does not save.  The Restoration movement does not save.  The Baptist church does not save.  Nothing saves but Jesus alone (Acts 4:12).

Our heart should be Philippians 3:8-11 where Paul the Apostle wrote,

Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.

Our salvation, our righteousness, our hope – all this comes from Jesus Christ alone.  It doesn’t come from being an evangelist or a preacher or an intercessor.  Salvation is in the person of Jesus and not anything or anyone else.  We must stay close to Him.  We must make Him our ambition, our delight, and our passion.

Perhaps this man above stopped doing this.  Perhaps he stopped loving our  Lord Jesus.  He got busy with “the ministry” and he forgot to love Jesus.  He forgot how to sit at the Lord’s feet and learn from Him.  So busy with life.  So busy with teaching people how to share Jesus yet he didn’t really love Jesus anymore or maybe he was simply too busy to sit and glean from the Lord.  I don’t know.  Only God knows.

I only want to love Jesus.  I know that apart from Him, I have no salvation (John 15:1-11).  Jesus is my only cure for this sin that abides in me (Romans 6:23).  The Lord Jesus alone bore my sins and died for me (John 5:24).  Jesus alone is the one who is able to cleanse me from sin (1 John 1:7).  Jesus is my faithful high priest who prays for me (Hebrews 7:25) as I abide in Him through faith.

Are you too busy to meet with Jesus and love Him a while?  He is our salvation.  He is our righteousness (1 Corinthians 1:30).  He is the one that we should adore and love.  The Father delights in us when we love His Son (1 John 5:1).  Don’t be robbed of spending much time with Jesus and learning from Him.  Stop and sit at His feet and praise Him for what He has done in saving us.  Don’t get too busy that you miss the pleasure of being close to your Savior.  This alone will keep you saved from the power of sin (1 John 3:7).

This is a guest post written by my friend, Seeking Disciple.  To go to the original post complete with comments, go to: 

http://arminiantoday.com/2012/06/30/even-soul-winning-is-no-safeguard-for-salvation/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

When it comes to porn, the question facing many men and women is simple:  is it really wrong?  Is it really that big of a deal?  I mean, it’s just an image on a screen.  It’s not someone I know, or someone I’m having an actual affair with, so I’m still faithful to my future (or current) wife.  It’s just sexual release, like masturbation, and we all know that masturbation is not condemned in the Bible.  It’s not even mentioned. 

And isn’t sex a good thing, so what’s wrong in watching it happen?  I’m just admiring beauty.  And besides, I’m single, so what do you expect me to do with all this pent-up sexual energy?  It seems like a safe release until I ammarried.

I’ve heard all of this, and more.

So is it really that big of a deal?

Yes, and here’s why:

It is sexual sin.  Jesus made it clear that when we give in to lust, it is akin to the act itself.  It makes no difference whether you know the person or not; lust is not tied to relationship.

It is addictive.  The ubiquitous nature of porn is new to our culture, and to human sexuality, but it is becoming increasingly clear that it is highly addictive in nature.  As a result, it can not only begin to dominate a life, but can demand ever-increasing levels of exposure and ever-increasing degrees of experience to continue to stimulate.

It is degrading to women.  In pornography, women are treated as objects.  They are not fulfilling God’s dream for their life as His precious daughter, nor are they fulfilling His design for sexual expression and fulfillment.  You are watching a woman who is being sinned against, treated in a way that is contemptible to her heavenly Father (whether she sees it or not – and the fact that many may not only adds to its tragic nature).  And if you are a woman watching it for the men, it is equally degrading to them.

It leads to other sins.  Studies are beginning to show that the effects of porn on men are more than temporary sexual stimulation:  as they see women treated as objects, they begin to treat women that way.  They become more sexually aggressive, leading to date rapes and expected “hook-ups.” 

It harms your relationship with your current, or future, spouse.  It is absolutely ridiculous to say that watching porn enhances a sexual life.  Instead, it cheapens it.  Those caught in its web testify to how porn quickly becomes a substitute for sexual intimacy with your spouse. 

It desensitizes your soul.  Sin of any kind desensitizes your spiritual life.  Continued exposure to a sin such as pornography is like shooting novocaine into your soul.  It deadens you and grieves the Holy Spirit in your life, forcing Him to withdraw His utmost filling in a way that diminishes His power and presence in your life.

It distorts sex.  Nothing reduces sex to lust more than pornography.  Yielding to such images is overwhelmingly addictive, like a narcotic that delivers a quick hit to the emotions or senses, but ravages you from within.  It destroys real relationships, real intimacy, real sexuality.

I’m a pastor. 

I talk with men who are dealing with the spiritual torment and guilt of engaging in pornography while trying to rationalize it away;

I talk with men who are having to fight it as an addiction;

I talk with men who are finding it is leading them to a warped view of women;

I talk with men who are experiencing its direct path to other sins;

I talk with men who are seeing its assault on their marriage;

I talk with men who are trying to awaken their souls from its deadening grip;

I talk with men who have distorted views of what sex is about. 

I also talk to the wives of these men – I’ve seen the hurt, the betrayal, the wounding to intimacy, trust and self-esteem.  And increasingly, I am having the same conversations with women who have become caught in its snare. 

There is little doubt to those of us who work with people, and those who are themselves caught in its web, how pornography is destroying the sanctity of sex and the glory of marriage.

And we haven’t even broached what it is doing to the coming generation of men and women who have been exposed to it at the earliest of ages over multiple years.

So is pornography really wrong?

In every possible way.

This post is written by Rev. James Emery White.  You can find the original post at this location:  http://www.crosswalk.com/blogs/dr-james-emery-white/is-pornography-really-wrong.html

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.