Category: Forgiveness

10 healthy things for marriage

9/24/2014

It takes work to have a healthy marriage, but it is possible. Just like good nutrition and regular exercise can help you to have a healthy body, there are things you can do to have a healthy marriage.

Here are 10 tips you can use to strengthen your marriage:

1) Spend Time with Each Other. Married partners need time with each other in order to grow strong together. Plan regularly scheduled date nightsand weekend activities. If a getaway is not immediately possible, then make it a goal toward which you will work. By spending time with your partner, you will better understand your differences and how to negotiate the problems they may cause. Forget the “quality vs. quantity time” discussion--healthy marriages need both.

2) Learn to Negotiate Conflict. Conflict is a normal part of a relationship. There is a point, however, when it can increase in intensity and become emotionally and sometimes physically unsafe. Working out problems in a relationship starts with understanding what your issues are and how to discuss them. There are many resources available to help you learn how to deal with conflict. Using these resources can go a long way in preserving how safe you and your partner feel.

3) Show Respect for Each Other at All Times. When a couple fails to respect each other, they often slip into negative habits. Research shows that nothing can damage a relationship quicker than criticisms and put-downs. Treating your partner as you would like to be treated will do a lot to strengthen the bond between you. Paying your partner a compliment is a quick and easy way to show him or her respect. When you are tempted to complain to someone about one of your partner’s flaws, ask yourself how you would feel if he or she did that to you.

4) Learn About Yourself First. Make it a point to work on self-discovery. Many partners enter into relationships without knowing enough about themselves. As a result, they can also have difficulty learning about their partners. Learning about yourself will better equip you to grow as an individual and a partner. Regardless of how long you’ve been together, there are always more things you can learn about him or her. What are his dreams for the future? What is her worst fear? What is the way he or she best gives or receives love? Imagine the intimacy and bond you will share over a lifetime together if you commit to discovering new things about one another!

5) Explore Intimacy. Marital intimacy can open your relationship to a whole new level of enjoyment and closeness. It is important, however, to remember that intimacy does not always mean sexuality. An often forgotten aspect of intimacy is the emotional type. An example of emotional intimacy is creating a safe space for your partner to share his or her emotions without fear of you being judgmental or making light of them. Learn the difference between emotional and physical intimacy and when each one is most appropriate. Offering your partner one type when they really need the other can create problems in your relationship.

6) Explore Common Interests. Couples thrive when they share similar interests. That doesn’t necessarily mean each partner will enjoy every activity, but it opens up the opportunity for greater sharing and compromise. Doing things separately is not bad; however, common interests are important to healthy marriages. A common interest may be cooking or eating new foods together, going for walks or playing cards. The goal is to have something outside of your family that you both enjoy.

7) Create a Spiritual Connection. Many couples grow closer when they share some form of spiritual connection. This can be done in many different ways. For example, it may be achieved through an affiliation with a church, synagogue or mosque, through meditation, or by simply spending time in nature or intimate conversation.

8) Improve Your Communication Skills. The ability to talk and listen to each other is one key to a healthy marriage. You should never assume your partner knows what you are thinking or feeling. Tell your spouse what is going on and, as a spouse, know when to simply listen. Learning to really hear your partner is a skill that may require practice. There are many resources available like books, marriage education workshops and online courses. All these options can help couples learn how to communicate more effectively.

9) Forgive Each Other. If he or she hasn’t already, your partner is going to do something that hurts, frustrates or upsets you. Guess what—you are going to do the same thing! Sometimes it might even be on purpose, after an argument or misunderstanding. Forgiveness is a tricky but important virtue in a marriage, especially since no one is perfect. Try to allow your partner some room to make a few mistakes because you will also make some of your own. When you make a mistake, act quickly to apologize and fix problems. Doing so will help to encourage forgiveness and strengthen your marriage.

10) Look for the Best in Each Other. When you met your partner, you fell in love with some of his or her wonderful qualities. Over time, however, your view of those qualities may have changed. For example, he may have been really good at saving money when you met. Now you just think he’s cheap! Give each other the benefit of the doubt and create a list of all the things you love about your partner. It will help you to fall in love all over again!

This post comes from the website, TwoOfUs.org. You can find them at: http://www.twoofus.org/educational-content/articles/10-things-you-can-do-to-have-a-healthy-marriage/index.aspx

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10 Tips to forgiving your Father

6/11/2014

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Look, I may not know you and probably don’t know your situation or whatever. I speak from personal experience about forgiving, as I have worked through a lot of issues of the past (my folks split up when I was a kid and I carried it with me for years until I dealt with it). I also speak from nearly 15 years of helping young people work through issues with their parents. The truth is, many of us, including grown adults, still struggle with forgiving our fathers. Unforgiveness with fathers is a real big issue, the effects of which transcend every part of our broken society.

Fathers, as we know, are instrumental in helping establishing who we are and what we believe about the world. Their actions and words are like a pen on paper, writing into us our very identities. Our sense of self worth is in their hands at a very young age and can be either established with strong roots or torn down to the dust.  Here are 10 Tips For Forgiving Your Dad:

1. Consider that you may be harboring unforgiveness. Maybe, just maybe (or maybe not)- might you still be holding a grudge against your father? Maybe he treated you or your mom poorly, maybe he wasn’t around much or at all. Maybe he just made some poor choices. Perhaps it is on the front of your mind or stuffed far away, but consider that you may be holding back forgiveness inside.  Even if your father has passed, you still may be dealing with unresolved issues.

What forgiveness is not- Forgiving does not mean that what happened is a good thing. It does not mean that we put ourselves in a position to be hurt continually over and over again. It does mean that we release the wrong-doing from the person. We don’t hold it against them any more (like a debt being forgiven).

2. Talk about it with someone you trust. Listen, don’t hold those thoughts and emotions to yourself any longer. There is probably someone in you life that you can talk to about your father. If you can, talk to someone who is trained as a counselor. They can really help you identify what you really may be dealing with in terms of your past. Darkness becomes less dark when it is brought out into the light.

3. Know it may take time to sort through. Chances are, it took years (if not dozens of years) for your relationship with your father to be where it is today. All that hurt isnt going to be undone over night. It is going to take time to work through it. Be patient. If you shake a 2-liter bottle of Coke up violently, you can’t let all the pressure out at once. It must be let out slowly or you will have a big mess on your hands! Dealing with hurt can be the same way. You may deal with it over time, but start the process of dealing with it today!

4. Know God knows how it feels. His family has been totally broken since the beginning of time. God gave man the choice to love him or not love him. He has dealt with rejection millions of times over and it breaks his heart deeply every time. He hurts with you, more than any person will ever know…but he doesn’t want to leave you there.

5. Choose to forgive before you want to forgive. If you have a lot of pain inside from your father or mother that hasn’t yet surfaced, you probably don’t want to forgive. Choose to. Please. Decide to forgive. Eventually, your heart will follow. You won’t naturally want to forgive at first, or you would have done so a long time ago. Stop waiting until you want to, decide to start forgiving today.

6. Forgiving is not an option if you want to move on in life.  Many people never deal with the pain of the past. I promise you those that don’t deal with their past will never walk into their true destiny in life. They (or you perhaps) will always be held back in some regard by the past. It is going to be painful, but allow yourself to process your past and you will be able to start really living in the present. You need it more than you know!

7. Note your own limitations. You are not perfect and neither are your parents. They are human and they make mistakes. I know this probably makes you frustrated hearing me say this (Chad, you don’t know me and you don’t know what I’ve been through.) You are probably right, I don’t know what it is like to be in your shoes. Still, I know by experience that no one on earth is perfect. None. We all have limitations.

8. See the effects of the generations. Your father (or mother) was a kid too. They didn’t choose the family they grew up in, the situation that formed and shaped them into who they are today. The Bible talks about sin affecting generation upon generation.  The impact of one generation (positive or negative) can influence several generations down the road. Even newer popular psychology supports this Biblical truth. Your father is the product of several generations of imperfect men and women. You may be the very one in your family that breaks free…if you can forgive and allow yourself to be healed.

9. Know he probably did the best he knew how to do.  Seriously, he probably did the best he could. I’m not saying he did a good job and that he isn’t responsible for his actions. I’m just saying he probably didn’t have a great example when he was a kid. He definitely didn’t have the resources, support and education that is readily available to fathers today. He probably did the best he could at the time. Forgive him.

10. Pray for your dad. If you can get to the point where you can pray for your dad, you are getting somewhere. As you begin to lift your dad up in prayer, you heart will start to slowly shift. You’ll even begin to see your earthy father the way your eternal father sees him- dependent, human, loved, forgiven.

3 Promises for Forgiving- I promise it’s worth it. I promise it won’t be easy, but I promise you can do it. You may not have control over the outcome of the relationship, but you certainly have control over whether or not you forgive. I have an amazing relationship with my dad today and I love him more than anyone could love a dad. We have gone through the fire and will be there for each other for as long as we have on earth.

This post was written by Chad Missildine. For the original post, go to: http://thewayitcouldbe.com/?p=2787

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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What is a father wound?

6/10/2014

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Jack is a 42-year-old who entered my office for counseling after his wife discovered his long history of Internet pornography, and trips to local massage parlors. As I began to explore his history in an attempt to understand the deeper issues involved, I was struck by one of Jack’s statements: ‘My father always provided for us and was home every night after work. But even though he was there, he was never really present.’ Thus begins an exploration of the question: What is the father wound?

Andrew Comiskey, in his book on sexual and relational healing entitled “Strength in Weakness” writes, ‘Though the Father intended for us to be roused and sharpened by our fathers, we find more often than not that our fathers were silent and distant, more shadow than substance in our lives.’ This kind of a ‘shadow’ presence is not what our heavenly Father intended for our relationships with our earthly fathers. Unfortunately, few fathers follow the injunction of Proverbs 27:17: ‘As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.’

Like Jack, then, many men grew up with fathers who returned home after work, but were never really active as sharpening agents in the lives of their sons. These fathers provided for their sons’ material needs, but they were strangely absent when the time came to satisfy the needs of the heart, such as intimacy and connection. Fathers like this may have been available to coach their sons’ baseball teams or supervise yard work. However, they were less likely to model intimacy in relationships, or to be an active presence when their sons were dealing with the pain of rejection by peers.

In his soul, every man craves deep, intimate connections with other men, but men are often left without the tools for creating these loving, nurturing relationships. A big reason for this has to do with the primary role fathers typically play in families. Rather than nurturing their sons or developing intimacy with them, fathers often spend the majority of their time enforcing the rules. Patrick Morley, in his classic book “Man in the Mirror” states, ‘Mothers love and stroke their children. Angry fathers handle the discipline.’ While this statement may seem unfair to fathers, it is a fair assessment of the father’s role in many families. Not only do fathers interact with their boys in a primarily disciplinary role, but boys are taught to absorb that discipline with a stiff upper lip. Boys learn the lesson very early on that they are not to display any sense of vulnerability. When life gets tough, negative feelings are to be stuffed and internalized.

This stoic, unemotional approach to life is often accompanied by a seemingly unreachable set of expectations from fathers. Countless men enter my counseling office with stories of fathers they could not please: ‘All my life I have felt as if I just couldn’t cut it in my father’s eyes. It always seemed like the bar was raised just above my reach.’ Some of the deepest wounds lie in these feelings of inadequacy, which can then poison other relationships and make true intimacy difficult. Men that grew up with fathers they were unable to please often carry around a suffocating belief system: ‘I can never cut it. And if I’m not cutting it, then why would others want to be around me?’

Another reason men may feel inadequate is because their fathers did not support or affirm them as they moved into manhood. Jack Balswick, in his book “Men at the Crossroads” writes, ‘Tragically, many young men are growing up without a father who will affirm their leap into manhood’Often the voices they do hear are distortions of true manhood.’ Because so many boys do not have a father affirming their ‘leap into manhood,’ that transition is often filled with feelings of fear, anger and frustration, instead of confidence and security. Lonely and discouraged, boys become isolated and alienated men. In this isolated state, men continue to desire closeness and connection, but they often have no concept of how to achieve it.

It is because of this quandary that many men seek out sexual fantasy in an attempt to find some sense of intimacy. Many men feel a void in their lives, often created by the wounds of the past, and some men attempt to fill that void with illicit sexuality. Men’s desire for intimacy and connection is real, powerful, and appropriate. But when men try to satisfy that desire in the form of sexual fantasies and acts, they find merely approximations or shadows of true relationship and connection.

However, a healing balm for men’s wounds, including their father wound, can be found. By obtaining a biblical understanding of what a father truly is, and through a relationship with Jesus Christ, men can begin to experience healing. More healing can occur through accountability and community with other Christian brothers. As Jack began developing relationships with others who were truly present, and experiencing relationship with a heavenly Father who is always present, his need to escape into the world of sexual fantasy was diminished. Sharing our wounds with fellow sojourners in the journey can provide immeasurable healing. It is in coming out of our own woundedness and brokenness that we can most clearly see the essential nature of relationship with Christ and others.

This post was written by Jeff Eckert. The original post can be found here: http://newlife.com/what-is-the-father-wound

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Forgiving our fathers

6/9/2014

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Time has come for us to forgive our fathers.

Paul warns us that unforgiveness and bitterness can wreck our lives and the lives of others (Eph. 4:31; Heb. 12:15). I am sorry to think of all the years my wife endured the anger and bitterness that I redirected at her from my father.

As someone has said, forgiveness is setting a prisoner free and then discovering the prisoner was you. I found some help in Bly's experience of forgiving his own father, when he said, "I began to think of him not as someone who had deprived me of love or attention or companionship, but as someone who himself had been deprived, by his father and his mother and by the culture." My father had his own wound that no one ever offered to heal. His father was an alcoholic, too, for a time, and there were some hard years for my dad as a young man just as there were for me.

Now you must understand: Forgiveness is a choice. It is not a feeling, but an act of the will. As Neil Anderson has written, "Don't wait to forgive until you feel like forgiving; you will never get there. Feelings take time to heal after the choice to forgive is made."

We allow God to bring the hurt up from our past, for "if your forgiveness doesn't visit the emotional core of your life, it will be incomplete." We acknowledge that it hurt, that it mattered, and we choose to extend forgiveness to our father.

This is not saying, "It didn't really matter"; it is not saying, "I probably deserved part of it anyway."

Forgiveness says, "It was wrong, it mattered, and I release you."

And then we ask God to father us, and to tell us our true name.

This blog post is excerpted from the book, Wild at Heart by John Eldredge.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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Doing all you can do

4/28/2014

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Perhaps you know of someone who has poured his or her life into someone in need only to have that person continue to make bad life decisions. All the love, money, prayer and encouragement that is possible to flow from one person can never seem to guarantee good results. I know two people in this very scenario right now. The Lord has been so faithful to answer their prayers -- only to see the person upon whom God has graced continue on what seems like a bad path.

What do you do when you've done all you can do? For some reason that one, quite perplexing question reminds me of a passage of Scripture, though the context may seem out of place: "and having done all, stand" (cf. Eph. 6:13). Paul, instructing us in times of personal battles of how to be "strong in the Lord and in the strength of his power," encourages us to take up the whole armor of God, "so that you may be able to withstand on that evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm" (Eph. 6:13 NRSV). But what does he mean by stand?

When trials and trouble come, we tend to fall apart, not stand; we tend to fall or break down, not stand firm. We battle, however, not from a place of potential failure but on the rock solid foundation of all that Christ Jesus accomplished for us. Our battles, if you will, actually belong to the Lord -- He will fight on our behalf. The ultimate war of good and evil, light and darkness, life (eternal) and death (eternal) has already been won by Christ.

When we encounter various trials, we do so from the perspective that our Conquering King has already won the victory. We are seated with (and are united in) Christ in the heavenlies (Eph. 1:3, 20; 2:6). What we battle now is the mere aftermath of the sin nature and some brazen rogue devils (who are given a measure of free will in our sovereign God's world). Still, we are called to the Fight, but our landscape and prospect are not as they once were.

What do you do when you've done all you can do? You stand -- stand in full assurance of the goodness, faithfulness, and promises of God to you in Christ. You stand -- stand still and know that He is God, that He alone can change the circumstances. You stand -- on your knees, continuing to pray, relying on Him to make a path where none yet seems possible. You stand -- firm in your faith, not wavering, because you realize that only God can make the difference. You stand -- in reality, realizing and confessing your own limitations, while you rely faithfully and solely by trust in God's limitless abilities.

You can't change the world; you're not God. You're not in control of the life and heart of any individual. You have a difficult enough time trying to keep yourself in line -- you can't make anyone else make right choices. Do what you're called of the Lord to do and leave governing the universe to Him.

Yes, that individual may be breaking your heart. Yes, you hate to see all of the consequences of the bad choices that are being made. You don't know whether to cry or cuss -- and perhaps you've tried them both! Maybe you want to give up. But giving up in the midst of the struggle never truly solved any bad situation. You must, for your own sanity and sanctification, realize that you can only do so much. When you have done all that you can do, stand.

This post was written anonymously. The original post can be found here: http://credendum.weebly.com/1/post/2014/04/doing-all-you-can-do.html

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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By what measure do you judge others?

4/24/2014

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Are we called to evaluate and judge someone by what he or she did, or by what that person does, by way of habit? After insisting that people who live wicked and impure lives will not enter heaven, as such demonstrate that they have not been born again by grace through a genuine faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, Paul writes: "In the past, some of you were like that, but you were washed clean. You were made holy, and you were made right with God in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God" (1 Cor. 6:11 NCV, emphasis added).

In the past, all of us have done (and said) ugly-natured, despicable acts. If one were to take a snapshot of a particular sin committed, as though that act were to encapsulate a person in his or her entirety, that would be wrong. No one who ever existed is defined by one or even a few negative or sinful acts. We all stumble in many ways (James 3:2), and none of us has yet arrived at perfection (Phil. 3:12). If we take one act, or one word, or even one unfruitful season in someone's life, and in a fit of strain force that moment to define a person, we not only falsely and unwarrantedly objectify the individual but we also incriminate ourselves because none of us has yet reached sinless perfection.

When I think of Samson, I do not necessarily think of his sin with Delilah and impose his infatuation and sin with her as the totality of his identity -- who he was as a human being. When I think of King David, I do not necessarily think of his sin with Uriah's wife Bathsheba and impose his sin with her as the totality of his identity -- who he was as a human being. I could admit the same with Solomon, whose life ended badly; and the apostle Paul, who murdered Christians prior to his conversion; or any number of people in the Bible who failed at moments in their life. Are we supposed to take snapshots of people's lives and claim, "This is who you are -- this defines you"?

I suppose the answer would be predicated upon an individual's repentance of certain failures or sins. For example, in the case of Jesus' betrayer Judas, we are never given glimpses of genuine repentance from his heart. What do we make, then, of Judas as a human being? What kind of man was he? Though called a disciple of Jesus Christ, we find his heart to be one of betrayal -- one of never really being loyal to Christ -- from the beginning.

Judas' heart and life differs significantly from that of the apostle Peter. Though Peter denied he knew Jesus on three separate occasions, he genuinely repented of his sin and was restored to a right relationship with Christ. Not so with Judas. Judas opened himself up to Satanic possession by his evil plans and motives. Instead of humbly, self-effacingly seeking repentance, he very selfishly committed suicide.

Portraying Judas as a betrayer can be derived not from a single event or a certain string of events but from the overall consistent attitude of his life. Portraying Peter as a betrayer, however, should not be derived from the three separate events of his having denied knowing Christ because his overall attitude was one of love for Christ in spite of his inconsistencies.

The reality is, however, that I no more want to be thought of as "that one who did this or that" than the apostle Peter wanted to always be thought of as "that guy who denied Christ," or David as "that guy who committed adultery and had her husband killed in battle." I remember someone's statement to another person who had committed a terrible act: "This is what you did -- this is not who you are; this does not define you."

When someone's sins and failures become public knowledge there is a temptation to take a snapshot and define him or her by that event. But there exists a type of deception within the hearts of those who take snapshots and define others by them. They tend to think that because their struggles and failures and sins are private then they are not or should not be defined by them.They are not willing to be as stringent with themselves as they are with others. But Jesus said that you "will be judged in the same way that you judge others, and the amount you give to others will be given to you" (Matt. 7:2 NCV).

The apostle Paul adds, "Make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others" (Col. 3:13 NLT). Since "it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it" (James 4:17), and "the person who keeps all the laws except one is as guilty as a person who has broken all of God's laws" (James 2:10), then I think we need to extend a bit more grace to each other, not defining each other by any failure(s) but by the grace of God in Christ.

This post was written anonymously. You can find the original at: http://credendum.weebly.com/1/post/2014/04/by-what-measure-do-you-judge-others.html

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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Greek lasciviousness

4/23/2014

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Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these: Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness. We've discussed adultery and uncleanness. Today, we conclude this three part series on Galatians 5:19 with a look at lasciviousness. This strange word, comes from the Greek word aselgeia. This word describes excess, but it primarily refers to the excessive consumption of food or wild, undisciplined living that is especially marked by unbridled sex. The word aslegeia is listed as the principle sin of the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah and the reason that God destroyed them.

It must be noted again that the word aselgeia also refers to the excessive consumption of food. This means that in God's mind, it is just as perverted to overindulge in food as it is to engage in sinful sexual activities! So how does that make you feel about overeating?

All of the works of the flesh can be forgiven -- but before forgiveness comes, sin must be acknowledged. That is why we must understand what adultery, uncleanness and lasciviousness mean. Once sin is comprehended, it can then be repented and confessed. This is God's requirement.

If you have fallen into any of these sins, ask the Holy Spirit to open your eyes to see these sins as He sees them. Once you get a revelation of His perspective, you won't want to be the same! You'll understand the grossness of sin in God's sight, and you will want to be changed!

Once you confess your sin, God will forgive you and you can move on with your life. If your actions have violated your spouse or someone else, pray for God's mighty grace to be upon them to forgive you. Then begin to take whatever steps are necessary to make that relationship healthier than ever before.

This study is taken from Sparkling Gems from the Greek

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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8 Characteristics of a healthy person

4/2/2014

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1. Does the person constantly compare himself or herself to others?

Theodore Roosevelt is attributed to saying, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Emotionally unhealthy people compare themselves to others, think the grass is always greener, and even resent others’ success. In contrast, emotionally healthy people are content with what God has given them, confident that God has perfectly equipped them for what He has called them to do, and can celebrate the success of others.

2. Does the person have a victim mentality?

Emotionally unhealthy people keep company with people who bring them down and then blame everyone else when their life isn’t how they want it to be. Conversely, emotionally healthy people don’t act as though the world owes them anything. They don’t waste their time having pity parties or feeling sorry for themselves.

3. Do you hear about forgiveness when talking to this person?

Closely related to number 2, emotionally healthy people don’t hold grudges. They know that harbored anger and resentment will imprison them and affect every aspect of their lives. Emotionally healthy people don’t dwell on the past or obsess about a time someone hurt them.

4. Does this person need to be the center of attention?

Ever been around that person who is needy for attention or constant affirmation? It’s just a guess, but that person probably has some deep insecurity with which they need to deal.

Emotionally healthy persons don’t need or demand recognition. In fact, the most successful people I’ve ever been around almost refuse to let the conversation become about them. They ask about others in the room. They give credit to others. They believe in themselves and “do their own thing,” not needing to fit in or craving affirmation.

5. Can this person say “no”?

Over committing yourself may be a sign that you think you’re superman or that you want others to think you are. If someone can’t say no, they are probably too worried about what everyone else thinks of them. And if someone is too fixated on pleasing others, they may not be emotionally healthy. Likewise, over committing yourself might mean that you’re placing a higher priority on work than on your family/home life.

6. Is this person high on the “drama meter”?

“And the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus” (Phil 4:7). A firm trust in the goodness of God gives a deep peace that makes one relatively unfazed by change, daily stressors, worries, and tough situations.

Emotionally healthy people don’t have knee-jerk emotional reactions to change or get worked up about things that they can’t control.

7. Does the person have a record of giving back and giving his or her all?

Emotionally unhealthy people hoard their time, talents, and even love. Emotionally healthy people have a spirit of servanthood and give of themselves. Emotionally unhealthy people are afraid to try hard because they might fail. Emotionally healthy people give their all regardless of what they might get in return or what the outcome might be. And if they do fail, are hurt, or are rejected, they don’t give up or begin to withhold their gifts. They continue to give back and give everything they’ve got.

8. Does this person know that joy is a choice?

When Walt Disney said, “Happiness is a state of mind,” he was on to something. Emotionally healthy people know that they have control of their attitude and their responses to situations.

Listen for persons choosing to live out all of the fruit of the spirit, which are clear determiners of emotional and spiritual health: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

This post was taken from the Vanderbloemen Search Group. You can find out more at: http://vanderbloemen.com/insights/8-ways-to-spot-emotionally-elite-candidates

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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April 01st, 2014

4/1/2014

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Sunday Meditation

3/9/2014

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If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her. John 8:7

It is easy to judge other people. Judgmentalism and blame come naturally to us. Other people's faults and failures are not difficult to identify. Many of us can remember a time in our lives when throwing the first stone was not just easy - it was what we thought good Christians were supposed to do.

One of the most dramatic changes which takes place early in the recovery process is an increase in self-awareness. We begin to see patterns in our own lives that need changing. We see our own self destructive tendencies. We see how we have brought pain to others. As these insights dawn on us, we begin to lay down our stones.

Of course, as our self-awareness increases, many of us attempt to refocus the blame and judgmentalism from others onto ourselves. We can blame and judge ourselves as ruthlessly as we may once have blamed and judged others. But it's not really progress in recovery to give up throwing stones. . and then start banging our heads against a stone wall.

Judgmentalism and blame are not helpful in recovery. What makes recovery possible is when increased self-awareness leads to an increased capacity to experience forgiveness. Gradually we learn to accept forgiveness from God and others. We receive mercy. As a result, we begin to treat ourselves and others with mercy.

It is increased self-awareness and the humility which self-awareness makes possible that are the soil in which true community can grow. When we accept ourselves as humans even though we struggle and sometimes fail, we can become far more gentle with ourselves and with others.

Lord, you know how quick I have been to throw stones.
Thank you for the self awareness that has allowed me to see more clearly that
I am not without sin.
I know that I am in need of forgiveness.
Give me the courage to accept your forgiveness and mercy
and in this way begin to live in true community

Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan
National Association for Christian Recovery

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10 healthy things for marriage

10 Tips to forgiving your Father

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April 01st, 2014

Sunday Meditation

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