He sat across the table from me, trying to convince me that his behavior wasn't hurting anybody.  "I'm not having sex, I'm just having some fun!"  He proceeded to tell me  his story.   It's one that I have heard many times.  Unfortunately.

His behavior started fairly innocently.  He was happily married but there were occasions that his wife would work late.  During these times, on occasion, he would call a "chat line."  The conversations started out innocent enough but he didn't realize that he was being fleeced.  God speaks about this.  He says,"with persuasive words she led him astray; she seduced him with her smooth talk."   The young lady on the other end of the phone started flirting with him and tapped into his ego.  The next time he called her, she talked about how wonderful he was and how he helped her not to feel so lonely.  A few calls later, the trap was sprung.   He gave her his credit card number so that she would "tell him things that she knew he wanted to hear."  His calls continued with greater frequency.  He would get out of bed where his wife was sleeping to call this young lady.  She was always available to him and would say things that his wife would never say.  

He started to feel guilty and talked to the young lady about not calling her anymore.  That is when she set the hook.  She told him that she was a college student and that she needed the money to pay for school.  She admitted that she did this with just a few men and that they "weren't doing anything wrong."  

He looked at me and said, "but, I'm not cheating!!! I'm not having sex with her.  We're just having a little fun .  No one's getting hurt and I'm helping her pay for her education."  

I cautioned him about his behavior.  I explained to him what such behavior leads to.  That's when he said, "funny you should say that...."    He  then proceeded with this all too familiar story:

This young lady suggested that they meet.  It was a town that he visited on business often.   She explained that she offered private services to help men feel more masculine and perform better in bed.  She explained that he would enjoy it as "most men do."  

He went to the house that she and several other young women (who were working their way thru college too)  used to "help men."  There was never any intercourse.  He was "learning how to let a woman be in charge."   He found these lessons exhilarating.  He paused in his story, "but, I'm not cheating!!! We aren't having sex and I really like how she makes me feel."  It's as if he was trying to convince himself more than he was trying to convince me.  

I would love to be able to tell you that this man conquered this illicit behavior but I cannot.  His life became a disaster.  

One night when he was talking to this young woman on the phone, his wife happened to be listening on the extension.  The next day, when he got home from work, he found his belongings on the yard, the locks changed and a court injunction prohibiting him from ever seeing his wife again.  The divorce proceedings were quick and he soon found himself on the street with no home.

I haven't had any contact with him since.  I don't know where he is and I don't know if he got help.  I do pray for him, hoping that he has turned to God and is living a life that represents Christ well.

Why do I tell you this story?  I guess you need to know that it is easy for men to rationalize their sinful behavior.   Men have a tendency to compartmentalize their behavior and think that their lives cannot be affected.  

God has something to say about this.  ‎"The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, a puzzle that no one can figure out. But I, God, search the heart and examine the mind. I get to the heart of the human. I get to the root of things. I treat them as they really are, not as they pretend to be."   

So, what is in your heart?  
Are you pretending?  
Ask God to give you a new heart.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

I was tasked with assessing a man regarding his sexual addiction.  

Unfortunately, his tale was all too familiar.  

As he sat across from me telling me that he is now considered a sexual offender and must register with the local police every time he moves, he started to unfold his story.  He told me that he had found his Dad's stash of Playboy and Hustler magazines when he was just eight years old.  

That is a bad sign...  The earlier a man is exposed to porn the greater are his chances that he will become addicted and the greater are his chances of getting into legal trouble.

The more he looked at porn, the more he wanted to look at porn.  (Interesting cycle, don't you think?)  The more he looked at porn, the more he fantasized about doing what he was watching on the porn movies.  

The more he watched porn, the less developed his social skills became.  This happens because porn causes a man to be selfish and just think about his own pleasure.  Friendships are unnecessary.  Girls are unnecessary because the girls in porn movies and magazines are always accessible and there for a man's pleasure.

It's a terrible cycle that entraps a man.  He wants to approach girls but fears rejection.  He wants to do the things he fantasizes about but he fears she will say no.  Finally, his isolation led him to frustration and he decided he would act upon some of his fantasies.  

A really weird thing about men addicted to porn is that they think that women are turned on by seeing male genitalia.  The porn that men watch gives a terribly distorted perspective of sexuality.  In actuality, women are more attracted to an intimate relationship than the male physique.

This man started to act upon his fantasies from the porn that he had been viewing over the years.  

One of his fantasies was that he would "accidentally" leave his zipper down and a woman would notice and become aroused.   He would walk around in grocery stores with his zipper down, fantasizing about his inevitable sexual encounter.  He was disappointed that no women noticed.

So, he developed another plan.  He decided that he would sit in his car close to the exits of stores with his pants open and hope that women would see and become aroused.  That didn't work either.  

So, his next step would be to call women over to his car, "to ask a question" and hope that with his pants open, they would notice, be sexually aroused and want to be with him.   He continued to be very disappointed.

He thought, because of his distorted perspective of women and sexuality, that what women were wanting to see was that he was sexually aroused, that he was erect, ready for sex.  So, he would sit in his car and fantasize about a woman jumping into his car and they would drive to a secluded place for a sexual encounter.  

One morning, while he was sitting in his car masturbating and fantasizing, he rolled his window down and asked a woman to come over because he had a "question" he wanted to ask her.  She approached his car, looked at him and where his hand was and instantly became repulsed.  She noted his license plate and called the police when she got home.  

She made a report to the police and he was arrested and prosecuted.  His prosecution was made public, his family was embarrassed and he lost his job.  

As he finished his story, I asked, "have you gotten rid of your porn?"  I knew his answer would be "no."  I was right.  The court wanted recommendations at the end of my assessment.  My recommendations were necessary:  no cable tv, no vcr/dvd player, no internet, no smart phone, no porn.  If he was caught in possession of any of these items, he would go to prison.  Also, he needed intensive counseling.  If this failed, then he would need residential treatment.

However, when the judge found out that he had not given up his porn, he acted swiftly.  This man immediately went to prison.  

Wouldn't it be nice if all of my stories ended in a positive note?  

This is a depressing, disgusting story.

Porn wins.

"Behold, you have sinned against the LORD and be sure that your sin will find you out."

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

Where can porn take you?  I met a man who confessed to me that he digs thru the garbage dump to collect his porn.  

This man belongs to a very conservative sect of Christianity where one does not use electricity.   Because he is so separated from modern culture, I asked him how he became addicted to porn.  His answer was astonishing.  "I was dumping some trash out of a garbage bin and I saw a Playboy in the dump with the centerfold laying open."  He had never seen anything like this.  He had heard about "centerfolds" and was always intrigued but was thankful that those "worldly temptations" were something he never had to deal with.  Nevertheless, He quickly grabbed this magazine and tucked it down his pants.  Later that day, when he was alone, he ogled this picture and found himself extremely attracted to the naked woman.  He started to fantasize about her and then masturbated to her seductive image.

To me, the message was clear but lost on him:   Porn is garbage.  It belongs in the garbage.  It should stay in the garbage.  Garbage in, garbage out.  

What the garbage collector didn't know is that porn is insidious.  Porn never gives up.  It keeps taking and taking, offering false feelings of comfort until you end up doing things that you never imagined.

It didn't take long before centerfolds were no longer satisfying to him.  He started noticing, at the dump while looking for more centerfolds, other pictures.  In these pictures, there were women posing seductively with animals.  These pictures sparked further prurient interests for him.  He started attempting to have sex with his goat.  Over time, he moved on to other animals.  His addiction finally caught up with him when he found himself naked in the pig pen on all fours.  That's when he came to his senses and realized that he really, really, really had a problem.  

He was fortunate, because if he had been caught during these activities, he would have been charged with a crime.  Zoophilia is illegal in many U.S. states.  The medical issues that can occur are numerous.  However, the legal charges and the medical issues are not as severe as the toll that such behavior takes on a man's soul.  

More than zoophilia is the duplicity that this man lived.   He would go to church regularly and then engage in these detestable behaviors at other times.  That's what the sin of porn does.  It causes a man to pretend to be holy.  His energy ends up being consumed by things that weaken him rather than strengthen him. 

You may be thinking, "Porn will never do that to me.   I can control it."  However, let me assure you, porn will win.  It always does.  

Porn is garbage.  It belongs in the garbage.  It should stay in the garbage.  Garbage in, garbage out.  

If you are looking  at porn, stop.  Get rid of your stash.  Tell your pastor about your decision.  Become accountable to a counselor and a men's support group. 

With God's help, you can stop.  


BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul

Peter in speaking of "fleshly lusts" uses the words, sarkikos (fleshly) and epithumia (lusts).   Sarkikos describes the impulses, cravings, and desires of the carnal flesh.  Epithumia is a compound word.  Epi (over) and thumos (passion). Hence, epithumia describes a person so overcome by some passionate desire that he completely gives himself over to it.  

Interpreted, this means that your flesh is never content until it has completely taken you over and consumed you.  It is impossible to freely participate in only a little taste of sin and then walk free of it.  Once the flesh has been allowed to indulge in that sin, the cry of the carnal nature to indulge in sin once more will become stronger and stronger, ferociously working against you in its attempt to pull you deeper & deeper into sin until you are completely conquered by it.  

If you have one temptation that you have to constantly fight more than others, how did that fight begin?  Did you look at something or allow your flesh permission to do something that you knew was wrong?  Did you open the door to this attack yourself by not saying no to the flesh at a critical moment in your life?  What are you going to do now to shut the door to the devil and drive this battle out of your head and flesh?

It is a whole lot easier to avoid fleshly temptations that it is to uproot them once they get deeply rooted in your mind, will and emotions.  So if the world around you is crying out for you to participate in its sinful activities, remind yourself that you are just a temporary traveler in this world with no rights to participate in such activities.  

Make the choice to refrain from the works of the flesh.

By making this decision, thru the power of God's Holy Spirit, you can avoid horrific battles that others fight every day in their minds because they didn't say no to temptations that were offered to them.

This post was adapted from Sparkling Gems from the Greek.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

A new study from the Journal of Neuroscience, published in their November 14, 2012 edition has some interesting research for men.  No longer do we need God's aid to control ourselves.  A simple snort of oxytocin is all that is needed:  

The "love hormone" oxytocin may help maintain romantic relationships by prompting men to keep their distance from attractive women, a new study from Germany suggests.

In the study, men in monogamous relationships who were given an oxytocin nasal spray stayed about four to six inches farther away from an attractive, woman they didn't know, compared with men in monogamous relationships who received a placebo.

The oxytocin spray had no effect on the distance that single men chose to keep between themselves and the attractive woman.

The results suggest the hormone promotes fidelity in humans, said study researcher Dr. René Hurle­mann, of the University of Bonn. The findings agree with previous research conducted on prairie voles, which suggested the hormone plays a role in pair-bonding.

In humans, oxytocin has been found to promote bonding between parents and children, increase trust, and reduce conflict between couples. And earlier this year, a study found that couples with high levels of oxytocin in the early stages of a relationship were more likely to be together six months later than couples with lower levels of the hormone.

But until now, there has been no evidence that a dose of oxytocin given after a couple gets together contributes to the maintenance of the relationship, the researchers said.

The study involved 57 heterosexual males, about half of whom were in monogamous relationships. After receiving either a dose of oxytocin or placebo, participants were introduced to a female experimenter who they later described as "attractive."

During the encounter, the experimenter moved towards or away from the men, and they were asked to indicate when she was at an "ideal distance" away, as well as when she moved to a distance that felt "slightly uncomfortable."

The effect of oxytocin on the attached men was the same regardless of whether the female experimenter maintained eye contact, or averted her gaze. Oxytocin also had no effect on the men’s attitude toward the female experimenter — whether men received the oxytocin or the placebo, they rated her as being equally attractive.

In a separate experiment, the researchers found oxytocin had no effect on the distance men kept between themselves and a male experimenter.

Future studies are needed to determine exactly how oxytocin might act on the brain to affect behavior, the researchers said.

This post was adapted from NBC News medical team To investigate this matter further, click here for the original post.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.