Category: Parenting

Creating a juvenile delinquent

5/2/2014

Here is a handy guide in how to make your son into a real pain, so that everywhere he goes, nobody wants to be around him:

Begin from infancy in giving him everything he wants. This way, he will grow up to believe that the world owes him a living.
When he picks up bad words, laugh at him. It will encourage him to pick up cuter phrase that blow the top off your head later.
Never give him any spiritual training. Wait until he's 21 and let him decide for himself.
Avoid the use of the word, "wrong." It may develop a guilt complex. This will condition him to believe later, when is arrested for stealing a car, that society is against him, and he is being persecuted.
Pick up everything he leaves lying around. His books, shoes, and clothing. Clean up after him when he makes a mess. Do everything for him so he will be experienced in throwing responsibility onto others.
Let him read and look at anything he wants. Be careful that his silverware and drinking glasses are sterilized but let his mind feed on garbage.
Quarrel with your spouse frequently in his presence. Then he won't be shocked when you get a divorce.
Satisfy his every craving for food, drink and comfort. See that every desire is gratified. Denial may lead to harmful frustration.
Give him all the spending money he wants. Never let him earn his own. Why should he have things as tough as you had them?
Take his side against the neighbors, teachers and policemen. They are all prejudiced against your son.
When he gets into real trouble, apologize for yourself by saying, "I never could do anything with him!"

If you follow the steps to this handy guide, get ready...

You will have a life of grief, and... so will your son, and his son, and his son...

"...He punishes the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation."

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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Limiting attitudes of entitlement with your kids

5/1/2014

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It is strangely ironic that the freedoms and affluence we enjoy in our society are the very things that stand to ruin our children if not addressed early and effectively.

The consumer-credit industry is doing all it can to get your kids to fall for the buy-now, pay-later lifestyle. If you do nothing to intervene, statistics indicate that your child is headed for a life that will be severely impacted not by credit—credit is not the problem here—but by the debt it can create.

When the following three characteristics occur at the same time in the heart and mind of a child, they create a kind of “perfect storm” that has all the likelihood of creating a disastrous situation:

attitudes of entitlement
financial ignorance
glamour of easy spending

For our debt-proofing purposes, “entitlement” is that demanding attitude that says, “I deserve it now even if I haven’t earned it or cannot pay for it.” Some call it the gimmes, others the I-wants. No matter what you call it, this attitude is running rampant, and not only among kids. Entitlement affects kids and adults alike.

Entitlement is subtle. It creeps into our lives when we compare our lifestyles and possessions to those of the people we respect and want to be like. It shows up in new parents who throw all caution to the wind when it comes to nursery furnishings and “mandatory” equipment. It shows up in two-income families who, because they work so hard, feel they deserve to have nice things. It shows up in adults who feel compelled to conform to society’s relentless ratcheting up of standards.

Entitlement is the standard message of marketing and advertising. Look carefully at everything that shows up in your mailbox this week. The message to keep up is relentless. The push for conformity creates attitudes of dissatisfaction and entitlement.

At every turn it seems something or someone is fanning the flames of entitlement in our lives—and our children’s lives too.

Attitudes of entitlement, both yours and your children’s, are an enemy that, if not dealt with, will surely sabotage your efforts to develop financial confidence in your kids.

A frugal lifestyle, where you live below your means, is the best environment in which to raise kids. When children observe their parents consuming carefully, making wise spending decisions, choosing not to buy the biggest and the best, and not living on credit, they begin to assimilate those values.

By telling your children, “We don’t choose to spend our money on that,” you send a positive message that you have money but make intelligent choices about how to spend it.

Clearly, attitudes of entitlement are a serious problem. But they are not terminal. Diligent parents who are willing to be consistent examples and limit setters will find success in tearing down attitudes that have the potential to do great harm.

Excerpted from Raising Financially Confident Kids by Mary Hunt (Revell, 2012).

To go to this post on Mary Hunt's site, click here.

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Limiting electronic time for your kids

4/30/2014

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Children are now faced with increasingly more options for screened entertainment, leaving families disconnected and disengaged. There was once a segment on Oprah in which families where challenged to give up electronics for a week, including TV. It was interesting to watch how difficult it was for parents, as well as their children, to give up all of their screens.

One scene was particularly difficult to watch. A five-year-old boy could hardly stand it to give up playing video games. His temper tantrums were quite dramatic. His mother shared that she was embarrassed when she realized he had been playing video games for five hours a day. The good news was that after the whole family went through “media withdrawal,” they discovered how to replace screen time with family activities that increased their family closeness and enjoyment. Take a look at this video from the Today Show about one family who gave up all screens for six months.

Would it surprise you to know that 2-5-year-olds watch more than 32 hours of TV a week? (Nielsen) Children ages 8-18 spend more than 53 hours a week online and almost 8 hours of media use each day. (Keiser Family Foundation) In today’s digital world, families are exposed to more screen time than ever before. Smartphones, tablets, YouTube and the ever-popular game, Minecraft are just a few of the many sources of electronic connection that vie for time and attention from both parents and children.

But what does this mean? Is it good? After all, aren’t children who grow up using electronic media learning skills that will keep them connected and current in in a technologically driven world? Or is too much technology a bad thing? Does it prevent kids from learning important interpersonal skills like live conversations and social graces?

There is research that demonstrates how the brain develops differently with excessive screen time, so it is true that screen time does affect a child’s development. But my guess is that you don’t need research to know that your children are on their screens too much each day; you know this from your own wisdom and intuition. Maybe you’re not sure what to do about it, or you’ve avoided doing something about it because…

You don’t like to admit that it is nice to have your children so easily entertained so you can have some time to yourself.
It involves such a power struggle to get the kids to disconnect from their devices. It is easier to just let it go.
You don’t realize that screen time is addictive.
You justify it with the benefits technology brings: “Look at all the skills my child is learning.”

The key lies in finding a balance. Yes, kids are keeping up with technology and learning new skills that will help them if their lives. And yes, too much media use does prevent them from becoming proficient in person-to-person communication skills. What you can do to help your kids find that balance of screen time with “real life” is to work together to set limits around daily media use…including your own.

Try these Positive Discipline tools to help manage your family’s screen time so it doesn’t manage you:

Have a family meeting. Get the whole family involved in a plan for reducing screen time. Part of the solutions should include things to do in place of screen time. It is more difficult to give something up when you don’t have plans for what else to do.
Create a “parking lot” for electronics—have a basket or charging station in a central location in the house at which family members “park” their electronics during certain times of day.
Establish new routines. Start with one time of day to be screen free (such as dinner) and periodically add on other times of day.
Stay close with your child with special time. Children will listen to your limits about screen time when they feel understood and that you “get” them. Spend regular one-on-one time together to keep your relationship strong.
Hold limits with kindness and firmness. Changing a screen time habit is hard; be ready for disappointment, anger, and sad feelings. Hold your limits by empathizing with a child’s feelings and sticking with the limit you’ve set.

This post is taken from the Positive Discipline blog. For the original post, go to: http://blog.positivediscipline.com/2012/04/limit-screen-time.html

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Thankful Wisdom

4/19/2014

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My family means the world to me. This is not only because they are the people that care about me the most, but because they are also the ones who teach me about who I am called to be. My wife encourages me daily, softens my heart and also helps me to grow as a person. My extended family tells me the truth when it is hard to do so and knows the private version of myself…the part of me that can release professionalism and embrace nonsense from time to time. My kids are a like a mobile classroom and simply raising them is the equivalent to pursuing a doctoral degree in physics, chemistry, biology, theology and psychology.

Tonight, my son and I had an interesting conversation about the church. I asked him if he knew what I did at church every Sunday. “You sing for people at church”, he said confidently.

“Sometimes I sing with other people, but what do I normally do at church?”

“I don’t know”

I engaged him in a conversation that was meant to explain what I do. To simplify, I told him I teach people about God at church. Then, what came out of his mouth was incredible.

Josiah: That’s good to teach people about God…I am glad we have a thankful church.

Me: A thankful church? What are we thankful for?

Josiah: We are thankful for each other and thankful for Jesus.

Me: Why are we thankful for Jesus?

Josiah: (pause)…because He has been faithful to us.

When my 3.5 year old son says something like this it is hard to know how to respond. I struggled to know what to say, and finally I told him he was right….even though he didn’t realize the full implication of what he said.

Why can’t we get this right? Why can’t we embrace God’s faithfulness fully and reject our tendency to walk away from His love? Why do we spend so much time hating what is right and desiring what will destroy us? Most humans are stuck in a delicate balance between desiring to be independent and wanting to be guided in the direction of wisdom.

Let’s face it…sometimes kids remind us of things we have swept under the proverbial rug of our lives. It’s a humbling experience, but we need it. It is time for us to wake up and remember why we are followers of Christ. Not because He gives us stuff, but because, through discipline and tenderness, He is always faithful.

This post was written by Rev DeCrastos. You can find the original post here: http://other-words.net/2014/04/11/thankful-wisdom/

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Sunday Meditation

3/2/2014

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Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! Matthew 7:9-11

Our children ask regularly for bread, milk, cereal and every other kind of food in the house. We delight in their appetite and their growth and development. It is pleasurable for us to provide the basic good things they need to be nourished and sustained physically.

Jesus uses the simple joys of parenting to make a point about God. Just like parents enjoy providing for their children, God is eager to provide good things for us. God is a good parent. God delights in our growth, development and nurture.

But God is not a codependent parent. God wants us to ask directly for the things we need. The importance of asking comes from the fact that it requires us to acknowledge our need. We have learned to deny our needs. We have learned to act as if we can take care of ourselves. As a result, we have a difficult time both asking God for good things and trusting God to respond.

Most of us begin with the struggle to identify our needs and to put them into words. After this we struggle to acknowledge that these needs can't be met with our own resources. And finally, we struggle to come to God and to trust God to be a giver of good gifts.

Lord, I acknowledge to you today that I have many needs.
I cannot take care of these needs on my own.
I turn to you for help.
Giver of Good Gifts, hear my prayer.
I am in need of what only you can give.
Help me to trust you today.
Help me to rest in the promise that you desire to give good gifts.

Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan
National Association for Christian Recovery

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Ten Principles for successful fathering

2/19/2014

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While practices help us learn the how's of successful fatherhood, principles provide the framework for our fathering. Principles are the underlying philosophy, the way we think about our important role. And we way we think and feel about fatherhood frames our behavior, our responses and our attitudes.

The Emotional Bank Account. Dr. Stephen Covey, one of the professors in my graduate school program many years ago and now one of the most influential leadership gurus in the world, taught me the principle of the Emotional Bank Account before I was ever a father. The basics of the emotional bank account involve making deposits of trust and faith in the lives of our children. The emotional bank account is about communication, love, loyalty and integrity.

The Most Important Gift is Time. We can give our children things that money can buy: video games, iPod's, designer clothes and the hottest mountain bike. But nothing substitutes for our time and attention. Every father struggles with keeping work, self and family in balance; some seem to be able to strike that balance and avoid challenges like workaholism. We have also found that not all time is equal. There is a difference between quality time and quantity time. But my experience suggests that it is tough to have quality time without enough quantity.

Teaching Responsibility. Fathers are in a unique position in a child's life to teach responsibility and the value of work. We teach it by example by keeping our commitments, by putting family first and by enduring hard times. We also teach by giving children stewardship and demanding accountability, whether it is with chores, school work or other aspects of their young lives. Helping children learn to be responsible as children and later as adults is among our most critical roles.

Use your Golden Sword. Family relationship expert Gary Smalley teaches the analogy of the two swords. The silver sword reflects our positional power, of the power we use in our workday world. The golden sword is the sword of personal power, that works best at home. Trying to use positional power with the children is dangerous and often has unintended negative results. But using the gold sword of personal power, described with words like "warmth, sensitivity, dependability, determination, genuine compassion, affection, and caring" has great application at home. So take off the silver sword and strap on the golden sword when you walk through the front door at home.

Walk the Talk. A father who is a "Do as I say, not as I do" kind of dad will never have the respect of his children, or anyone else for that matter. Walking the talk--being what you want your children to be--is a symbol of integrity. But it requires personal discipline and sacrifice. Being a man of principle and living congruently with those principles is an essential element of successful fatherhood.

Consistency. Fathers are best when their approach is predictable and consistent. Children get a strong message when fathers are firm and solid in their approach. Being a "marshmallow" with your children is easier, but it hurts them in the long run. Being fair and consistent in discipline is important. When a father makes a rule, it should be enforced. Limits that are set and then moved are not limits at all, with either a child or with a parent.

High Expectations. Successful fathers set high but realistic expectations for themselves and for their children. And then they work together to achieve those expectations. They read together so that they learn how to learn. They work together to achieve important ends. And they celebrate their accomplishments and learn from their mistakes.

Expressions of Love. Fathers who have great relationships with their children have learned to express love in meaningful ways. They tailor their expressions to the way each child receives love. They are gentle but firm even when disciplining, and then show afterward an increase in love. They find little ways to express love, and they do it every day when the kids are living at home.

Mutual Respect. When a father shows respect for his children and others, they are more likely to respect him. Keeping expectations clear, being even handed and level headed, and respecting children's self-worth all help breed an atmosphere of mutual respect. And when a father respects their child's mother, regardless of whether they are married or divorced, children learn to respect him more completely.

Making Values Count. It is not enough for a father to teach behavior; successful fathers also teach values. They have a rich spiritual life (however they define that) and connect to nature and timeless values. They respect womanhood, they are honest, the live by standards of moral integrity. Great fathers help pass on these values to their children rather than leaving them valueless in a world where values seem to shift with the sands of time.

This post was written by Wayne Parker. The original post can be found here: http://fatherhood.about.com/od/succeedingasafather/a/principles.htm?nl=1

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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A dad's job: Teaching how to love a woman

2/13/2014

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Model the behavior you want repeated. There is no substitute for a father's example in teaching the importance of loving a woman. As you interact with your son's mother and sisters and other female family members, treat them with respect. When he sees you actively listening to them, when he sees you open doors for them and offer to do things that make their lives easier, he will want to model your behavior.

Correct popular impressions that disrespect women. If your son listens to music or plays video games that make women into one-dimensional objects, correct the impressions that he might form. You could say things like, "I know Kanye West raps about women disrespectfully, but we know better, don't we? You know how much I love your mom, right? I would never say something like that about her." Help your son see that entertainers and game designers sometimes say and do things for shock value and they don't reflect the way most people feel and act.

Help him learn to communicate his feelings without violence or threats. Young men frequently have a hard time reacting to things that are going wrong without resorting to violence or threatening language. What might work among friends or on the sporting field does not work with women. So help your son learn to express his feelings and opinions verbally and respectfully. And help him see that violence in a family situation or with women or children is never acceptable.

Teach him to avoid pornography. Pornography in any form is dangerous for young men in many ways. But one of the insidious messages in pornography is that women are first and foremost sexual creatures. Once again, the one-dimensional view of women, whatever that dimension, teaches disrespect toward women and devalues them as individuals. So teach him to avoid pornography and put good parental controls on his access to the Internet on his computers and smartphones.

Use respectful terms when referring to women. Derogatory terms when talking about women seem to abound in our language, and they often come out in casual conversation. So avoid calling a woman a "skank" or a "bimbo," even if she dresses or acts provocatively. Talk about the behavior and why it is inappropriate rather than using a shorthand derogatory term to describe the behavior.

Cultivate positive friendships with girls. Often, boys tend to have friendships only with other boys until they start to develop the hormonal attraction to girls. Helping them develop friendships with girls at young ages can get them comfortable around girls and help them see through the stereotypes that teenage boys often have about girls. Early and positive friendships between boys and girls can help breed respect later in life.

Teaching our sons to love women, particularly within their own families, is one of a father's most important roles. As our sons learn to deal respectfully with the women in their lives, they will develop the needed skills and attitudes that will help them interact effectively with women all through their lives.

This resource is anonymous. I couldn't find an author, if someone knows who wrote this, please let me know so that I can give the proper credit. I did modify it some to fit my blogging style.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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A dad's job: Helping your kids explore

2/11/2014

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If there’s one single place we want to achieve excellence, it’s in our role as dads.

This is a huge challenge, because in case you haven’t noticed, kids are not putty in our hands. They are their own people, they have no concept of contributing to our sense of worth, and they are about as easy to control as quicksilver.

It’s because they hit the ground in exploration mode. Kids should be born into the world equipped with pith helmets and maps. By nature they are explorers. And also by nature, they have limited judgment or caution.

Whatever he sees, he wants to check out. Whatever is within her grasp, she wants to taste. A toddler on the beach is driven to explore her world one rock at a time.

As dads, our instinct is to protect. But we do well to turn the young explorers loose, and not go heavy on restraint and confinement. Oh yes, safety-certified car seats, approved inoculations, and clear drills about crossing the street.

But only enough of this to keep them from disaster.

We need to let them take a few risks.

Risk-taking is how they learn

When my mom, Dorothy, was 8 and her brother, Bobby, was 10, their dad bought a 3,000-acre dryland wheat ranch. No, their childhood years had no Disney-style entertainment equipment, no video games, or cable TV, but their childhoods came with a lot of adventure.

I asked what they liked best.

There were:

coulees to traverse,

chokecherry stands to discover,

pastures to explore,

a streambed or two to follow,

alfalfa to taste,

curious weeds to collect,

rattlesnakes to learn the sound of and to avoid,

prairie dog towns to wander into,

cloud formations to dazzle,

thunder storms to be caught in.

Exploring became their favorite form of play. If they were heading outdoors and their mom asked, “Where are you going?” the usual answer was, “Just going exploring.”

What was their main activity while exploring?

My mom responded to my question in an e-mail: “Alone in my private adventure playground, I thought my first big thoughts. I looked at my feet wandering along the cow path, small under the big sky, and realized, this is me.”

The joy of reckless exploration

Few children today are privileged to have such a wide expanse to explore, but all children instinctively explore their environment.

This past summer my five-year-old son explored his grandparents’ garden. It was all new to him. He found corn growing on stalks and whooped at the fun of twisting off an ear and peeling away the husks. He helped snatch tiny tomatoes that blinked like red lights, teasing him under the foliage. He found mounds of potatoes to unearth with Grandpa’s help.

He carried the bucket into the house and announced, “Look at this. We dug these up right out of the dirt!” His amazement was catching and we found ourselves looking in new wonder at the way things grow.

I restrained the urge to hurry him to the sink to wash his hands before we had properly appreciated his harvest.

Encourage the Columbus spirit, yes.

Sometimes a child’s exploring is about, “What would happen if I . . . ?” Sometimes it’s about, “Are there some new ways I can use this stick?”

We all know there’s no better toy for a kid than a cardboard box, especially one big enough to climb into. It’s another kind of exploring to figure out the spatial relationship between himself and the box, to learn how and where his body will fit, to let his imagination discover ways to turn the box into whatever he wants it to be.

Sometimes exploring is geographic. When families go on road trips, even short ones, it’s a good idea to equip a kid with a map and let her follow the route. She’ll gain a sense of where things are in relation to other things, an awe of the challenges of terrain, and a confidence in navigating her way in the world. She may even muse on what must have been the impressions of the first settlers who saw this part of the land.

A child who is encouraged in his instinct to explore may grow up to be the kind of person who discovers new worlds, who takes the extreme challenges, who imagines solutions from experiments in test-tubes.

My guess is that the people who sailed with Columbus beyond the edge of the known world, the families who trekked over the Oregon Trail, the Neil Armstrongs and Buzz Aldrins of space fame all started out as kids exploring their environments.

Maybe they tasted a rock, made a ship from a box, or roamed their father’s ranch, and the world is a richer place.

Maybe they had dads who gave them freedom to explore.

This post was written by Marcus Brotherton. For the original post, go to: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/afewgrownmen/2014/02/dads-give-your-kids-freedom-to-explore/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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Spying on your teenager

2/10/2014

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It’s interesting to observe how different parents feel about ‘spying’ on their kids.

In my parenting workshops across the country I always receive at least one question that sounds something like this:“Is it okay for me to have my kids’ passwords and see what they’re doing on social media?”

If you asked teenagers, you know what their answer would be: “No way! That’s an invasion of my privacy! It’s like reading my diary!”

Two years ago my then-16-year-old daughter Alyssa went with me to a parenting workshop as I laid out sample guidelines parents could use for their teenagers. One of those guidelines was parents having access to passwords and the freedom to read texts and social media. After the workshop multiple parents came up to Alyssa and asked her, “What do you think of your dad’s rules?”

Alyssa answered candidly. “Oh, I have no problem with any of them except one- the fact that he thinks it’s okay to read my texts. That’s just wrong.”

We had to agree to disagree on that one… something parents need to do at times.

I’m not alone on this issue. Some experts have gone as far as to claim, “We have a duty to hack into our children’s emails and monitor their texts.” (Which I would probably take more seriously if this “expert” realized barely any kids actually use email anymore.)

Parents are as divided as Congress on this issue. Many parents think we need to give our kids complete freedom to learn these lessons on their own. Other think we should keep a careful watch.

With the rise of teen smartphone ownership, we’re also seeing a rise in “tracking” and monitoring services, like mSpy Family. mSpy is a mobile monitoring software solution allowing you to track every tiny detail of your kid’s cell phone activities. Simpler solutions for younger kids exist, like FiLiP, a watchlike GPS tracking device that allows one-way texting from parent to child and other safety features like a big red button they can push in case of an emergency!

What’s the Answer?

Are parents becoming too clingy? Are monitoring options like mSpy or FiLiP crossing the line?

I think the key is keeping your eyes on the calendar.

Parents need to realize that when their kids turn 18-years-old, they can join the Army, move out of the house… and do whatever they want. The primary job parents need to consider is, are you preparing your kids for that day when they are going to be out on their own?

How can we do this?

The key is incremental independence. When your kids are young, you should be much more involved in their decision-making. As they get older, began equipping them to make more and more decisions on their own, with the goal of preparing them for that day when they are totally on their own.

I include an added twist to this--freeing my kids from all rules and restrictions at age 17½. We figured, they can do whatever they want when they’re 18 anyway, so why not get there six months early while they’re still under our shadow? (More about how that turned out here.)

The key is looking for frequent opportunities during adolescence for them to practice discernment on their own.

“Dad, can I download this app?”

“I don’t know, what do you think?”

Create an environment where your kids talk to you about the decisions they are making. As they become more mature, let them make the decisions… even fail… and talk about the consequences, good and bad, afterwards.

So use FiLiP if it helps your situation. Take advantage of products like mSpy if it provides opportunities to teach your kids discernment. A little accountability isn’t such a bad thing. But bathe all these moments in conversations- dialogues, not monologues. Use every opportunity to equip your kids to make good decisions, especially as they approach the day where they’ll be on their own.

This post was written by Jonathan McKee. For the original post, go to: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/afewgrownmen/2014/02/spying-on-your-teenagers/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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The Facebook predator - A caution to Dads

2/7/2014

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The young lady was brought by her father because things had changed in her life. He felt as if his daughter was no longer reachable. She seemed angry, withdrawn and not wanting to communicate with him. She was an A student, that was, until the last 4 months or so. This father was concerned and wanted to get his daughter back. Privately, he and I talked about what may have happened to cause this change. He said she wasn't taking drugs. She had a boyfriend but the father wouldn't let her go to his house. They would only meet at school and at the father's house. The father had taken the daughter to her physician and tests were run. A drug screen and a pregnancy screen came back negative. Physically, everything looked normal. Hence, the physician recommended that she see me for some counseling.

Just before the session, the father and daughter had a major disagreement. You could tell that both of them were still fuming. As we discussed the disagreement, all of a sudden, the daughter said, "stop! I want my dad to leave. I need to tell you something." So, the father excused himself to the waiting room. The daughter started with her story. "About six months ago, I met this new friend online. We had some of the same Facebook friends, so I figured this new friend was safe. she seemed like a nice person. We had the same interests and even lived in the same town. So, eventually we decided to meet up. She said I was to meet her at the mall at a certain time and we would get to know each other, face-to-face." Now this young lady telling the story was getting agitated. I knew that she was getting to something really important. I had an idea but wasn't quite sure what was she was going to say.

The young lady continued, "when I got there, there was this guy who said he was her friend. We talked a little bit and he knew so much about me because he and my friend had talked about me. He said that my friend couldn't make it so he would take me to her place." Then the young girl stopped. She started hyperventilating. She said, "I'm about to throw up." I got her an emesis basin and she continued her story. "Well, this guy took me way out of town, about an hour. I didn't know where we were. He took me into his house and he raped me. I did some very disgusting things. I did anything he said because I wanted to get out of there." She was so serious when she said this. It was as if she was dropping a huge weight off her shoulders.

I felt like I had just been punched in the stomach. I was stunned. What I felt was just a fraction of what this young girl felt. She said that he took her back to the mall and dropped her off. She rode the bus home in tears and went to her room that nite, in a heap of regret.

Later, some detectives came to her school to interview some girls that had been friends with this girl on Facebook. This young lady stated, "My dad was called in during the interview and I told them nothing happened to me. Ever since then, my dad has been saying, "You're so lucky that nothing happened to you!" If he would just stop saying that, I could forget what happened to me!! I don't have the courage to tell him that something did happen. He will hate me for lying to him, lying to the police and for being so stupid! My dad told me that this man went to prison so he cannot find me to try and do something to me. So, I don't feel like I need to tell the police what happened."

The young lady was just sitting there in a puddle of tears, hyperventilating, having the dry heaves, she was just a mess. I said, to her, "I wonder if your dad really knows. Maybe that's why he keeps saying that to you. To get you to tell him." The young lady said, "get my dad back in here." So, I went to get dad and on the way back to the room, I told him, "you're daughter has something really important to tell you."

The young lady told her story. I was surprised at the first thing that came out of the father's mouth...

He said, "You had sex with that man?!"

I stopped him right there and said, "It wasn't sex. It was rape. Your daughter did what she had to do to get out of that situation alive. She had crimes committed against her."

The father's demeanor instantly changed and he burst into tears and went to his daughter and hugged her. They sat on the couch hugging each other for quite a while, crying and the father consoled her.

There is much more to this story. This family had a lot more work to do. The details are veiled so that you cannot figure out who this man and daughter were but I am sharing this story for all you dads out there.

Educate your daughters (and sons) about the dangers of social media.
Let them know that people on line may not be who they are in actuality.
Spend time with your daughters (and sons), get to know them.
Help them to see that you really care about them, that you are interested in what interests them.

Watch and pray. Pray and watch.
Protect.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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