Category: Sex - IRONSTRIKES

What is normal? - Answers

3/19/2014

Yesterday, we took a quiz on sex for men. Today, we will explore the answers:

1. Somewhat true. Regardless of what some say, many men say they felt forced into unwanted sex to either prove themselves or comply with peer pressure.

2. True. Data suggests that "very religious" men are more vulnerable to sexual sin than "religious men."

3. True. High cholesterol can inhibit full erections.

4. False. Men do not experience menopause. Hormones decline gradually but the majority of men remain sexually interested until they die. However, frequency of sexual behavior does decline.

5. False. At first, when married, men decrease the frequency of their masturbation. However, the behavior of masturbating to pornography that was learned in adolescence is often difficult to break.

6. True. Men in American culture are obsessed with giving and receiving oral sex. However, many women find this type of sexual activity quite repugnant.

7. False. When men get married, lust does not subside. Men must learn to redirect their arousal back to their spouse.

8. True. A sexually repressed upbringing creates excessive guilt around sexual feelings and may set up an obsessive need for masturbation.

9. D. Most men think about sex several times a day, often several times within the same hour. This does not change as a man grows older.

10. D. 70% of men complain that they don't get enough sex compared with 58 % of women.

11. B. The average American male has his first sexual encounter at age 16. However, as the age of puberty continues to drop, there are reports that many males have their first experience at age 11 or younger.

12. D. Most males have their sexual beliefs shaped by pornography. Pornography distorts a man's view of how women feel about sex and what can be reasonably expected from sex and sets them up for disappointment. Real women cannot possibly measure up to the air-brushed, color-enhanced, glossy photography that pornography teaches men is the standard.

Adapted from The Sexual Man: Masculinity without guilt

What is normal? - A quiz

3/18/2014

Men have many concerns. One of every man's concerns is wondering if he is normal, especially in regard to his sex life.

Ponder your answer to these questions, and tomorrow, we will discuss the answers:

The first eight questions are answered "TRUE" or "FALSE"

1. More men that women have experienced unwanted sexual intercourse.

2. More "very religious" men cheat on their wives than religious men.

3. Just as fat in the bloodstream can block arteries in the heart, so it starts to block blood flow in the penis preventing adequate erection.

4. Men also experience a male menopause.

5. After marriage, most men stop masturbating.

6. According to most sex counselors, what most men complain about is not getting enough oral sex.

7. Getting married remedies all the problems men have with lust.

8. Boys who were sexually repressed while growing up are more likely to become obsessed with masturbation and pornography when they are grown up.

Choose which answer you believe is most correct for the remaining four:
9. How often does the healthy, average male think about sex?
a) once a month, b) once a week, c) once a day, d) once an hour

10. How many men complain that they don't get enough sex?
a) 20%, b) 35%, c) 50%, d) 70%

11. The average age at which the American male first has sex is:
a) 14, b) 16, c) 18, d) 20

12. From where does the average young male learn about sex:
a) parents & siblings, b) friends, c) books, d) pornography

Adapted from The Sexual Man: Masculinity without guilt

Is fantasy healthy?

3/17/2014

Choose yes or no in response to the following questions:

Can you only become sexually aroused if you imagine having sex with someone other than your partner?

Do you use fantasy to make up for what you believe is missing from your love life?
When you are troubled or anxious do you tend to turn to sexual fantasies to forget about your problems?
Do your sexual fantasies involve activities that you wouldn't dare do in real life?
Are your fantasies such that you would never share them with your spouse?
Do your sexual fantasies occupy a lot of your working hours, taking you away from other activities?
Do you believe deep down that your fantasies hurt your relationship with your spouse, causing you to be unhappy or dissatisfied with your marriage?

If you answered "yes" to any of the previous questions, your fantasy life is not healthy and is undesirable. The more questions you answered yes, the greater a problem your fantasy life is to your sexuality.

Taken from The Sexual Man: Masculinity without guilt

Predators use apps to get to your kids

2/6/2014

I just got a disturbing call from a good friend. He told me that his son went missing in the middle of the nite. He and his wife were frantic trying to find him. Later, in the early morning, their son showed up on the doorstep. This boy is a young teenager.

He and the police are putting pieces of the puzzle together to try and figure out what happened. From what they can surmise, it appears that a man stole their boy right out of their house and sexually assaulted him.

How did this happen? My friend is an excellent father, he is diligent and watches over his children well. How could a man come into their home and do this?

Well, this creep came in thru their internet connection. They are learning that this man made a friendship with their son thru chatrooms and other social media. In fact, this predator specifically contacted this boy thru an app on his iPad. This man won their son's confidence to the point where he walked out of their home into the car of the man waiting outside, in the middle of the night.

My friend and his wife have talked to their son about the internet, put in place the proper barriers and have done an excellent job at being great parents. It's hard to believe that this sort of thing could happen in their home.

Why tell you this?

I am using this example as a warning to all parents and kids out there. You can never be too careful. You are NEVER alone on the internet. People are not always what they appear to be on the internet.

As you finish reading this, please don't do these three things:
1) Don't judge my friend. He is an excellent father.
2) Don't tell my friend what he should have done differently.
3) Don't think that this could never happen to your family

As you finish reading this, please do these four things:
1) pray for my friend and his family as they get thru this horrible ordeal
2) pray that they find a good, competent, licensed Christian counselor
3) pray that the police catch this predator and that he turns from his sinfulness
4) pray for your kids, teach them, watch them, love them, protect them, pray that such an occurrence never happens in your family.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

Sex with robots

1/31/2014

What if you have sex with an inanimate object, like a robot? A robot that's programmed to respond to your touch, talk to you and to appear to be human? Would that be acceptable behavior to a loving, holy, just God?

An article states that the technology is almost there. Two researchers from New Zealand claim that they will be revolutionizing the sex industry. The article reports that "Part of their research involved the hypothetical creation of an Amsterdam sex club called “Yub-Yum,” where robot women create a land rife with “sexual gods and goddesses of different ethnicities, body shapes, ages, languages and sexual features.” Douglas Hines, the founder of the world's first sex robot company states, "One of the benefits of sex robots is that they remove exploitation of women from the equation, and the sex trade of underage [partners],” Hines added. “Underage women are exploited to meet the desires of others, whereas with the robots, there is no exploitation of anyone.”

What are the implications of such an invention? Is this the "safe" alternative for men? Since this is not "real" sex, would God approve of such? Let's think about this a bit...

1. Sex with a robot will train the sexual response to someone other than one's spouse.

2. This product will not remove exploitation of women. Sex for hire is hollow. However, it is not as hollow as having sex with a soulless object. One will eventually tire of robotic sex in favor of human sex.

3. To have sex with a robot fashioned after one's desires will reinforce some perversions. For example, if a man is attracted to children, he can have children robots. Eventually, this will become unsatisfactory and the man will want to have sex with an actual child.

4. Jesus, the revolutionary, taught a principle almost 2000 years ago that speaks to this. Jesus said that if you lust, you have committed adultery. Jesus made it clear that sin, especially sexual sin, needs to be taken care of at the heart level not the behavior level. Sexual sin starts in the heart.

5. Paul, the author of a good deal of the New Testament, states that joining yourself with a prostitute is the same as uniting Christ with a prostitute. The same principle applies for having sex with a robot. You would be uniting Christ with a robot.

5. Sexual behavior with inanimate objects is not sex. Sex is a loving, passionate, committed physical, emotional and spiritual connection between a man and woman who are married to each other.

Whaddyathink? Sex with a robot? Not me. It's too robotic. I want the real thing. A loving, committed marriage fashioned according to God's design is much more pleasurable. And it's good for you. Research shows that's the best sex.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

Teaching your kids about sexuality

12/30/2013

Young children are naked and unashamed, quite often literally. They are fascinated with their bodies—who has what, why one child is a girl and another a boy. They have observations to share and questions to ask. Young children are ready to be primed, through needed conversation, for what it means to experience themselves as sexual beings who will one day be capable of sexual intimacy as faithful disciples of Jesus Christ.

Awkwardness often silences this conversation before it can begin. The vocabulary is off-putting. Do you use anatomical terminology for physical identification or slang terms? What if you introduce the words penis and vulva to your young children and they actual use them in public? The conversation is emotional. Many parents had no conversation with their own parents, or a bad one they do not care to repeat. Reality is our young children will not be young forever. They will grow up to be men and women with a capacity and desire for sexual intimacy. A conversation is needed to prepare them well. So how do we begin?

Choose Your Terms - It is important to decide the language for the conversation. Anatomical terminology models normalcy and encourages open communication. A boy has a penis and scrotum. A girl has a vulva and vagina. This reality is as normal as our having legs and arms. Anatomical terms encourage communication with caregivers, grandparents, doctors, and others who need to understand your child. Slang terms may be more comfortable, but may also lead to confusion of identification because there are so many. Choose your terms thoughtfully and purposefully because names have meaning and purpose.

Seek Out Support - Few parents have good models for this conversation. Support is available through books and articles. Before They Ask is a great resource for parents. The series God’s Design for Sex is a wonderful read for parents and families. Want face-to-face support? Form a group of parents in your church who are committed to raising children who are naked and unashamed with the prayer that they will use their body to the glory of God. Do you have questions? Maybe we can help. Above all, pray for knowledge and wisdom. God will equip a willing spirit for the task.

Start Where You Are - No one is ever ready for the full-blown conversation, but no one ever has to have “the full-blown conversation” at once if you make human sexuality an ongoing conversation, a natural part of life. We began with naming genitalia when our sons were just babies. You are in the middle of changing a diaper and your daughter touches her vulva. You simply name the body part she is in contact with, just like you would say “nose” when she grabs your nose. By the time she can ask questions, the conversation is already underway. Maybe you are potty training—perfect. Name his body parts used in the process as you encourage and instruct your little one. Are your children past all that? Get an age appropriate book to introduce the conversation. God’s Design for Sex offers The Story of Me and Before I was Born. Maybe you are pregnant or someone you know is. That is another great way to begin the conversation with your child.

Embrace the Questions - Your son finds a tampon or pad, and asks, “What’s this?” No need to re-direct or distract. Simply name the item in question. If your child is curious and asks for further explanation, briefly explain. “God made a special place in mommy’s body to grow a baby. Every month, a home is ready just in case a baby needs it. If there is no baby for the home, then the home is not needed. The home falls apart and leaves my body. This catches the home.”

Remember the Goal - The goal is not to name genitalia or be experts in human sexuality, but rather to encourage your children to live as they were created, naked and unashamed, with the hope that they will use their bodies throughout their lives to the glory of God. If you want this for your child, but experience emotions of discomfort or shame in regards to human sexuality, sort through your own emotions so you might be free to guide your child into the truth with love. This may be accomplished by an honest conversation with your spouse or, if you are single, a close friend. You might choose to work with a trained counselor. Whatever support or resources are involved, the goal remains the same—to know that we were created male and female, and God says it is good.

Prayer - Lord, grant us wisdom and courage to help our children claim the goodness of Your creation as male and female. May we raise children in the truth of your design, so that they may be free from sexual shame and confusion. Help us begin this needed conversation, so that it will continue from generation to generation bringing purity to Your children and glory to Your name. Amen.

This post was taken from the Seedbed blog, by E. Martin. For the original post, go to: http://seedbed.com/feed/a-much-needed-conversation-how-to-teach-your-kids-about-sexuality/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

Do you practice sin in your life? - part two

12/27/2013

The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Yesterday, we discussed the first part of this section of this scripture. Today, we will finish. Let God's Holy Spirit speak to you about your life.

9. Fits of rage (wrath) - The Greek word thumos is used throughout the New Testament to picture a person who is literally boiling with anger about something. Although the person tries to restrain his anger by shoving it down deeper into his soul, it intermittently flares up. When that happens, this person is like a volcano that suddenly blow it top, scorching everything within its reach as it hurls its load of deadly molten lava on the entire surrounding landscape.

10. Selfish ambition (strife) - The Greek word eritheia describes a self-seeking ambition that is more concerned about itself and the fulfillment of its own wants, desires, and pleasures that it is in meeting the same needs in others. When eritheia is working in someone's life, it means that a person's principle concern is to take care of himself and to get what he wants. He is so bent on getting what he wants that he is willing to do anything, say anything, or sacrifice any standard, rule, or relationship to achieve his goals. Because this self-consumed, self-focused attitude is engrossed with its own desires and ambitions, it is blinded to the desires and ambitions of other people.

11. Dissensions - The Greek word dichostasia means to stand apart, as one who rebels and steps away from someone to whom he should have been loyal. Thus the word "dissension" gives the impression of disloyalty. It is the ultimate act of defiance or disloyalty to an established authority.

12. Factions - The Greek word hairesis carries the idea of a group of people who adheres to the same doctrine or who ardently follow the same leader and are sectarian. The adherents of a sect are usually limited in their scope and closed to outsiders, staying primarily to themselves. In New Testament times, these groups were considered to be unauthorized because they were not submitted to the authority of the church leadership. In today's contemporary language, we would call them "cliques" - a group of people who believe or conduct themselves as if they are exclusive.

13. Envy - The Greek word phthonos implies a deeply felt grudge because someone possess what a person wishes was his own. Because this person has a chip on his shoulder, he begrudges what the other person possesses and is covetous of that person's belongings, accomplishments, relationships, or titles in life. Every time he see that other person, he inwardly seethes about his success. He deeply resents that person's blessing and tries to figure out a way to seize it away from the person he envies in order to make it his own.

14. Drunkenness - The Greek word methe refers to strong drink or to drunkenness. The consumption of wine for the sake of intoxication was common in the first century due to many pagan religions that employed wine as a part of their religious practices. A drunken state suppressed the mind's ability to think correctly and releases the flesh to fully express itself. The believers in the first century were trying to walk free from the power of their flesh. The last thing they needed was to drink wine, inhibit their ability to think correctly, revive their flesh, and then do things that were sinful or damaging! That is why Paul urged them to leave wine alone!

15. Orgies - The Greek word komoi describes a person who can't bear the thought of boredom and therefore constantly seems forms of amusement or entertainment. This person is actually afraid of being bored, so he constantly contemplates what he can do next to have fun or be entertained. The word komoi can refer to a person who endlessly eats at parties or who seeks constant laughter and hilarity. Although there is nothing wrong with laughter, this person is consumed with the need for comedy, light moments, fun, pleasure, entertainment, or constant eating. He lives for his next meal, the next restaurant, the next movie, the next vacation.

16. and the like - Paul ends this list with this Greek phrase, which alerts us to the fact that this list of the works of the flesh is not comprehensive; it is just the beginning of the works of the flesh! Many more examples of works of the flesh could be added to the list, but Paul uses these as examples of how the flesh behaves, ending the list once he has sufficiently made the point to his readers.

If you routinely do these things as a matter of lifestyle, I believe you need to go to God and ask Him to tell you the truth about your spiritual status!

You cannot afford to make a mistake about this eternal question!!

This entry and yesterday's entry are taken from the book, Sparkling Gems From the Greek by R. Renner

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

Do you practice sin in your life? - part one

12/26/2013

The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Let's break this down, go over each word. Let God's Holy Spirit speak to you about your lifestyle:

1. Sexual immorality - some translations call this adultery. The Greek word porneia describes any sexual relationship that occurs outside the sanctified boundaries of marriage.

2. Impurity - The Greek word here means "uncleanness." This refers to lewd or unclean thoughts that eventually produce lewd of unclean actions. It strongly suggests that these actions begin in the the mind as unclean thoughts before they manifest themselves as unclean deeds.

3. Debauchery - The Greek word here describes "excess." It primarily refers to the excessive consumption of food or wild, undisciplined living that is especially marked by unbridled sex.

4. Idolatry - The Greek word eidoloatria depicts the worship of idols, or simply put, "idolatry." The act of idolatry transpires when an individual gives his complete, undivided attention, devotion, passion, love or commitment to a person, project of object rather than God. When something other than God takes first place in a person's mind, he has entered, at least to a measure, in the the sin of idolatry.

5. Witchcraft - The word "witchcraft" is from the Greek word pharmakeia, the Greek work for medicines or drugs that inhibit a person's personality or changes his behavior. We would call these mind-altering drugs. The Greek work pharmakeia is where we get the words pharmaceuticals and the word pharmacy. This word was used in connection with sorcery, magic, or witchcraft. However, for our purposes in today's world, the word "witchcraft" describes the flesh's attempts to avoid being confronted and changed.

6. Hatred - The Greek word echthra pictures people who cannot get along with each other. They have deep issues with each other, holding resentments, grievances, complaints, and grudges that go way back in time and have very deep roots. Something occurred along the way that caused one or both of them to be offended. Instead of letting it go, they are divided, hostile, and fiercely opposed to each other. They are antagonistic, aggressive, and harsh. They hate each other. They have a grudge and are determined to hold on to their offense.

7. Discord - The Greek word eris depicts a bitterly mean spirit that is so consumed with its own self-interests and self-ambitions that it would rather split and divide than admit it is wrong or to give an inch to its opponent! This is exactly why churches end up divided and families frequently dissolve. Most of the issues that bring such division are not important. Nevertheless, division occurs because the flesh simply hates to surrender, to admit that it's wrong, to let someone else be right, or to compromise. Flesh would rather blow all issues out of proportion and wreak havoc than to let someone else have his way!

8. Jealousy - The Greek word zelos is used in a negative sense to depict a person who is upset because someone else achieved more or received more; therefore, the first person is jealous, envious, resentful, and filled with ill will for that other person who received the blessing he wanted. As a result of not getting what he desired, this person is irritated, infuriated, irate, annoyed, provoked, and fuming that the other person did get it! In short, you could say that this person is really incensed and ticked off!

Tomorrow, we will finish with this section of scripture.

This entry and tomorrow's entry are taken from the book, Sparkling Gems From the Greek by Rick Renner

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

Revelry

12/19/2013

We usually think of the middle years of the Christian life as a time of acquiring better habits and their accompanying virtues. But inviting Jesus into the "aching abyss" of our heart, perhaps has more to do with holding our heart hopefully in partial emptiness in a way that allows desire to be rekindled. "Discipline imposed from the outside eventually defeats when it is not matched by desire from within," said Dawson Trotman. There comes a place on our spiritual journey where renewed religious activity is of no use whatsoever. It is the place where God holds out his hand and asks us to give up our lovers and come and live with him in a much more personal way. It is the place of relational intimacy that Satan lured Adam and Eve away from so long ago in the Garden of Eden. We are both drawn to it and fear it. Part of us would rather return to Scripture memorization, or Bible study, or service—anything that would save us from the unknowns of walking with God. We are partly convinced our life is elsewhere. We are deceived.

"We are half-hearted creatures," says Lewis in The Weight of Glory, "fooling about with drink and sex and ambition [and religious effort] when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

This post was written by John Eldredge. This excerpt was taken from his book, The Sacred Romance

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

Five Important Issues the Church needs to consider

12/12/2013

It has been said that the Church is not a museum of saints, but a hospital for sinners. Yet, most of us would much rather pretend to be a saint on display than call for an ambulance.

Week after week, many of us walk into a church, sit by people we have known for years and yet would never dream of sharing our innermost struggles with. While a large part of this is our pride, another factor is a Church that seems unwilling to talk about certain uncomfortable issues, choosing rather to ignore them, try to cover them up or simply reject people who bring them up.

There are many issues the Church as a whole needs to address, such as creationism, activism, environmental stewardship and many others. But there are many more issues that individuals in the Church are dealing with—issues that the Church Body should be talking about. In Galatians 6:2, Paul urged the Church to "Bear each other's burdens," so maybe with more grace and love we can turn on the light in the darkened rooms of each other’s hearts and let our churches become safe havens for the uncomfortable things we have to deal with.

Many of these issues need to be dealt with professionally first. But that should not be the end of it. Research shows just listening to someone and showing them you genuinely care for their situation can be a huge part of that person's healing process.

This is far from a comprehensive list—these are a few of the issues many people in churches around the world are dealing with, whether they admit it or not. And as people increasingly leave the Church, often over issues such as these, it is becoming more urgent that the Church talk about how to care for every one of its members.

Addiction - At AA meetings and therapy sessions, talking about addiction makes sense, but for some reason, it's not a topic most church people want to hear about. Certain addictions are definitely more socially acceptable to talk about than others. For example, it's OK to bug Frank about his smoking, but John's alcoholism is more hush-hush.

And yes, in many churches, a person's addictions can become fodder for gossip. However, if the Church were to first approach one another as family, then addicts in the Church might feel safer to be vulnerable about their struggles. Often, they just need to be loved and feel safe enough to know they can expose this part of themselves in a community where the addiction isn't crushing them every second.

Sexuality - Sex and sexuality tends to be a loaded topic in the Church. Certain corners of the Church have been very vocal in their broad condemnation of premarital sex, but that's where the conversation (for lack of a better word) tends to stop. We rarely engage the topic of sex on a personal, individual level. There's a generally accepted idea floating around that, once two people are married, they enter into a carefree, blissful lifetime of sexual fulfillment that needs never be discussed in any meaningful way. There are strong believers struggling with their sexual identity, brokenness and frustration in churches across the world, and among their Christian friends and families, they don't dare say a word about it.

I know of a few people in my life who love Christ and want to abstain from sin, but they are struggling with sexual sin or sinful desires. There are married couples for whom waiting to have sex turned out to be the easy part, as both parties brought into their marriage a series of expectations that turned out to be flawed. There are very few people they can share this with, but that also means they carry this burden alone. If many churches stopped treating sexual issues as a personal choice, where it could be turned on or off like a light-switch, then maybe we could start to create more safe places where people can share their burdens with each other and find out they're not alone.

Sincere Doubt - In many churches today, there are Christians, even pastors, who are struggling with doubt. They have absorbed all the recommended apologetics. They havecried out in prayer. They are struggling to believe that God is good or that He’s there at all, yet they continue with the motions. They put on the smile while setting up the coffee table. They mouth along to the words in the worship songs, but it all feels hollow to them. I know this because I’ve been one of these people.

One of the most vital ways the Church can handle doubt is to stop acting like everything about faith is obvious. The Church can recognize that we all have doubts from time to time, but we cling to a hope that's beyond rational explanation. Churches can also stop trying to hide the hard parts of the Bible under the rug or downplay the significance these ethically questionable parts play in a person's doubt.

Mental Illness - Those in our midst who deal with mental illness, either personally or second-hand, are typically silent about the struggles they experience. In our society, there still exist a lot of stereotypes about mental illness, and because people either don't want to deal with it or they've been hurt, they will choose to avoid opening up about it. The problem is, if these issues go untalked about, then they often will go unresolved.

In some churches, people who do reveal their illness will go without professional help in lieu of prayer. When prayer doesn't work, the person dealing with mental illness feels like a failure or like they don’t have enough faith. The Church needs to create an encouraging environment where people can be directed to right help and then receive spiritual healing alongside their physical healing.

Loneliness - There are droves of lonely people in the church, and that includes senior pastors and priests. The isolation comes from a lack of identification and identification comes through open communication. When we can be vulnerable and honest with one another, we understand each other in a profound way.

A lonely person may walk in to a church alone and leave alone each Sunday. Although they appreciate the free coffee and donuts the fellowship hall offers, what they really want is fellowship. Taking time to get to know the people around you and then reaching out to them outside of the church will allow for a greater, more stable community.

Of course, every church is different and while one church may be stronger in one area, it may be weaker in others. These are just a few issues that we as the Church Body need to be willing to address. And as we talk about them, we must remember to address them with humility, understanding and grace, keeping in mind our role as fellow hospital patients, not museum curators.

This post was taken from Relevant Magazine. For the original post, go to: http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/church/5-uncomfortable-issues-church-needs-start-talking-about

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.