Blog Archives - IRONSTRIKES

Would Jesus do that?

9/30/2014

This picture represents an important concept in gaining ground on addictions and compulsions.

If you observe this startling picture you will notice various things. I don't even understand all that the artist intended as he has made several statements with this picture.

However, what stands out to me the most is the left arm of the man shooting up. If you look carefully, you will see that it is actually Jesus' arm that is receiving the drug.

There is an important concept to be learned here. Did you know that what you do to yourself, you do to Jesus? If you think this is a goofy idea, know that it is true. Paul stated, "Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never!"

Do you abuse your body? Do you abuse alcohol and/or other drugs? Then you're causing Jesus to abuse his body.

Do you engage in sexual sin? Do you let your mind wander into lust? Then you're causing Jesus to sin sexually.

Does your mind ruminate on hateful thoughts? Then you're causing Jesus to hate.

This concept is also consistent with David's statement to God, "Against you and you only have I sinned..." All of our sin, is ultimately sin against God.

Understanding this concept is important in conquering addictions and compulsions. Pray, asking God to show you that when you sin, you are sinning against Him and involving Jesus in your sin. Ask God to have His Holy Spirit prompt you, when you start entertaining sinful thoughts, to remember that you will be sinning against Him and involving Jesus in sinfulness.

BE HOLY
BE A MAN

"Christian" swinging????

9/29/2014

A Florida couple who claim to be devout Christians and lovers of exercise say they are joyfully spreading the love of Christ and the Bible through their unconventional wife-swapping and fitness ministry. The wife says she doesn't believe swinging is wrong, but if it is, she'll find out on judgement day.

Dean, 49, and Cristy Parave, 44, revealed in an interview with Barcroft TV (Caution: Note that the referenced video is a tad bit sensual) to YouTube Thursday that they believe the community of fitness swingers they've created and promote on Facebook is "God's plan."

"I feel like right now this is God's plan," said Cristy to Barcroft TV. "The Bible doesn't talk about swinging, specifically. ... I just feel like, as a married couple, if you agree on something together then it's OK. If it's not, like I said, judgment day, I'll find that out."

Through their fitness swinging network Dean and Cristy, who is a bisexual mother of three, explained in a Daily Mail report that they have encountered swingers who are both religious and fans of exercise. Sometimes, however, they encounter people who are unsure about Jesus or are atheists. In these instances, they explained, they would have a light Bible study before they have sex.

"I don't think God would be mad at what we're doing," Cristy told the Daily Mail.

"At first I was conflicted, but the more we looked at it the more it makes sense to us. Dean and I are both in agreement with this lifestyle, so we're not committing adultery. God put people on the earth to breed and enjoy each other. I feel God is always with me and he has put us here for a reason," she said.

The couple, according to the Mail, met on a dating website eight years ago and Dean explained that, before meeting his wife and experiencing God, his life was an aimless, booze-filled nightmare.

"For me, every day used to involve a case of beer and a bottle of Jack Daniels," he recalled. "After my fifth arrest for driving under the influence, I begged God for help."

And God, he said, delivered him from an extended prison sentence.

"I should have been looking at 10 years, but the judge sentenced me to just 10 months in prison. For me that was a sign," he added.

Dean explained that he built a 40-foot cross in his backyard and committed to doing God's work for the rest of his life. And he found his ministry in swinging and exercise.

"If I can go to the next swingers event and get 10 people to believe in Christ, my job's done," Dean told Barcroft TV.

"Swinging, to me, started as a lifestyle. Then, it was like, you know what, we can do a lot of good with this, instead of, you know like, let's just have fun with this. I'm getting to people that probably would never even visit a church," he said.

"What I think about being a devout person is God is not gonna put a lion with a bunch of elephants, so what's he gonna do? He's gonna put a swinger with a bunch of swingers to spread his word, simple as that," he said.

(Editorial note: Here at Ironstrikes, we don't believe that one can be a Christian and also a swinger)

This post was taken from the Christian News Network. For the original post, go to: http://www.christianpost.com/news/christian-couple-spreading-gospel-through-wife-swapping-and-fitness-i-dont-think-god-would-be-mad-says-bisexual-wife-127107/

Sunday Meditation

9/28/2014

Then they led him away to crucify him. Matthew 27:31

There are days when we find it difficult, if not impossible, to sustain hope. The day of Jesus' death was such a day. It was a day of despair for all who had put their hope in him. It was a day of unbearable grief for those who had been changed by his love. In such terrible moments hope disappears. Darkness seems to be all that remains. God seems absent.

It is, however, one of the most fundamental convictions of the Christian faith that, in those times when hope seems unattainable, God is at work. In that moment when even Jesus had a difficult time sustaining hope in God's redemptive purposes, God was fighting the decisive battle which would extend the rule of the Kingdom to all peoples. In that moment of terror, the foundations of reality were exposed and God was at work on the deep structures of the world. God could do work at that moment which would have been impossible during ordinary times.

Much the same is true of our moments of hopelessness. It is when hope grows weakest that our foundations are most exposed. It is when the struggle to sustain hope is most difficult that God can work on the deep structure of our persons. It is at those times that God can reach the unreachable crevices of our hearts and work on regions where fear and despair seem to reign.

It is a terrible thing to lose hope. But all is not lost. Though we lose hope, God is still at work. It may be that during our season of hopelessness God will extend the rule of the Kingdom of God into new regions of our lives.

In those times when I cannot hope, Lord,
help me to remember the work which
you accomplished during Jesus' hour of darkness.
Remind me, when I lose all hope,
that all hope is not gone
because you continue your work in me.
Extend the rule of your kingdom
into the deepest regions of my heart
where fear and despair have reigned for too long.

Amen

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan
National Association for Christian Recovery

A thief in the night

9/27/2014

Have you ever had something stolen from you? It is a unique feeling that only occurs when this event takes place. When I was a youth pastor in Florida, my wife and I lived in an apartment complex only a few miles away from the church. It was a safe neighborhood, and everyone we met was very friendly.

One morning, we decided to sleep in and get a little extra rest. We had gone to bed late the night before watching a movie, and were in a deep sleep. All of the sudden we were jolted awake by a knock on the door. It was a loud knock. We were not expecting company, and we were still “rockin’ the pj’s”. I rushed out to the front room and looked through the peephole only to see a shiny police badge on the chest of a large buzz cut human being. He looked like he meant business.

“Can I help you?”, I questioned. I assumed he had the wrong apartment, and if this was the case I was poised to be a little cranky because I wanted more sleep. “Are you the owner of a silver Chevy Cobalt?”, he asked. I nodded my head, and he motioned me outside of the apartment. When he took me to our car, I saw a pile of shattered glass. Someone had broken into our car and several other cars. For some reason, this also happened to be the first (and last) time I had ever left my wallet in my car out in the open. Yep…you guessed it. It was stolen.

You may have been in this situation before. We felt so violated, and immediately our minds went to how we were going to respond to this event. We wanted justice. We wanted these people to be caught. We wanted our stuff back. We wanted more sleep! There was also a little part of us that wanted to give up because we didn’t think there was ever going to be a way to recoup the cost of hat was taken. After the dust settled and we figured out logistics, we realized that it was only stuff and we were going to be okay.

As I reflected on this situation I realized that this feeling is what many deal with on a regular basis. Perhaps not in the sense that someone broke into their car and stole a wallet, but often in a much deeper way. Many feel like something has been taken from them. This feeling could come from an abusive past, a damaged relationship, constant disappointment, or the aftermath of addiction. The result can be extremely harmful, because the feeling of violation slowly emerges over time. Due to the speed of its full onset many people become so comfortable with this feeling, but cannot point out why they are miserable, because this becomes normal. They develop unhealthy habits, lifestyles, and patterns of behavior all because their life is now (while they do not admit it) defined by the pain that they have been feeling for such a long time.

We may never fully know the hurt people are dealing with, but we do know where to find the antidote. We all bring a certain amount of pain and experience to the table. We have to approach people with love and grace, and try to understand them before we jump to conclusions. God understands how we think, operate, and respond to the world around us but He wants to free us from unhealthy patterns that only perpetuate this type of life.

As Christians, we are called to help people sort out the logistics of the mess that they are in, and point them to restoration. First, we pray that God will equip us to lead people to freedom. Then, we approach life with a willingness to be used by God in any way He sees fit. This is an uncomfortable position to be in, but a necessary one in order to be used by God to the fullest of our potential. We will not always be thanked for this, because many are in love with their pain, and don’t want to be awaken from their sleep. Scripture shows us our brokenness, and a relationship with God provides the grace for mending. When people are rescued from their darkness, they become a powerful weapon against darkness, because they knew what it felt like to feel alone.

The thief of our soul wants us to stay broken. He wants us to stay violated. His desire is destruction.

Be a change agent. A hope dealer. Spread the light.

This post was written by Rev DeCrastos. For the original post, go to: http://other-words.net/2014/09/17/a-thief-in-the-night/

Love your wife

9/26/2014

It is high time you realized that your wives are under attack today! Everything they have been taught from earliest childhood is being subjected to ridicule and scorn. Hardly a day passes when the traditional values of the Judeo-Christian heritage are not blatantly mocked and undermined.

--The notion that motherhood is a worthwhile investment of a woman's time suffers unrelenting bombardment.

--And the idea that wives should yield to the leadership of their husbands, as commanded in Ephesians 5:21–33 is considered almost medieval in its stupidity.

--And the concept that a man and woman should become one flesh, finding their identity in each other rather than as separate and competing individuals, is said to be intolerably insulting to women.

--And the belief that divorce is an unacceptable alternative has been abandoned by practically everybody. (Have you heard about Sue and Bob?)

--And the description of the ideal wife and mother, as offered in Proverbs 31:10–31 is now unthinkable for the modern woman. (She's come along way, baby.)

--And the role of the female as help-meet, bread-baker, wound-patcher, love giver, home builder, and child-bearer is nothing short of disgusting.

All of these deeply ingrained values, which many of your wives are trying desperately to sustain, are continually exposed to the wrath of hell itself. The Western media—radio, television and the press—are working relentlessly to shred the last vestiges of Christian tradition. And your wives who believe in the spiritual heritage are virtually hanging by their thumbs! They are made to feel stupid and old-fashioned and unfulfilled, and in many cases, their self-esteem is suffering irreparable damage. They are fighting a sweeping social movement with very little support from anyone.

Let me say it more directly. For the man who appreciates the willingness of his wife to stand against the tide of public opinion--staying at home in her empty neighborhood in the exclusive company of jelly-faced toddlers and strong willed adolescents--it is about time you gave her some help. I'm not merely suggesting that you wash the dishes or sweep the floor. I'm referring to the provision of emotional support...of conversation...of making her feel like a lady...of building her ego...of giving her one day of recreation each week...of taking her out to dinner...of telling her that you love her. Without these armaments, she is left defenseless against the foes of the family--the foes of your family!

But to be honest, many of you husbands and fathers have been thinking about something else. Your wives have been busy attending seminars and reading family literature and studying the Bible, but they can't even get you to enter a discussion about what they've learned. You've been intoxicated with your work and the ego support it provides.

What better illustration can I give than the letter quoted on page 94. It came from a desperate woman whose husband is rarely at home, and even when he's there he has nothing to say. He prefers the company of Paul Harvey, who asks no questions and expects no answers. Furthermore, he's a first-class "punkin eater." You know the story.

Peter, Peter, Punkin Eater
Had a wife and couldn't keep her
Put her in a punkin shell
And there he kept her very well....

Yeah, Old Pete has got his little woman right where he wants her. She's cooped up in a house with two children under three years of age, changing diapers and wiping noses and cooking meals for him and Mr. Harvey. That's some existence for living, breathing, female with deep needs to be loved and respected. Not only does Peter not intend to met those needs, but he forbids her to take them elsewhere. He doesn't even want her to go to a Bible study class because, would you believe, he fears his kids will catch a disease. Never mind the disease that is choking the life out of his wife—the disease called loneliness. To the wives of all the world's punkin eaters, I say, "Go to the Bible study class anyway!" Submission to masculine leadership does not extend, in my opinion, to behaviors that will be unhealthy for the husband, the wife, and the marriage. Nor should a woman tolerate child abuse, child molestation, or wife beating.

The message could not be more simple or direct to a Christian man: the Lord has commanded you to "love your wives, even as Christ loved the church, giving His life for it." She needs you now. Will you fit her into your plans?

This post was written by Dr James Dobson. For the original post go to: http://www.drjamesdobson.org/articles/pray-for-america/message-to-husbands-of-homemakers

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

A simple predictor of marital success

9/25/2014

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 2:29

Did you know that how you talk about each other to your friends and family can predict your success as a couple?

A ten-year study at the University of Washington followed 95 couples beginning six months into their marriages. The initial hour-long interview together probed their relationship, their parents' union and their philosophy of marriage.

More than what was actually said, researchers noted …

whether they expressed fondness and admiration for their partner,
if they talked about themselves as a unit,
if they finished each other's sentences,
referenced each other when they told a story,
and whether what came to mind was pleasant.

Turns out that couples characterized by these ways of talking about one another and their relationship are far more likely to enjoy life-long love.

In fact, with this information alone, researchers can predict with 87% accuracy whether a couple will end up divorcing.

Think about that.

How you talk to others about your spouse and your relationship is a huge indicator of the state of your union. Even within just the first six months of marriage, the signs become pretty clear.

The authors of the study found that couples who endure talk to others about their spouse as if they are wearing “rose-colored glasses." Those who will eventually divorce talk to others about their spouse with cynicism.

How can this be?

It comes down to how our attitudes shape the way we view your spouse. If you give public praise to others about your spouse, you will inevitably look more favorably upon him or her yourself.

You will discover a deeper appreciation for your partner than you had before.

In fact, the more opportunities you find to talk positively about your partner when he or she isn’t present, the more likely you are to increase your loving attitudes and behaviors toward him or her. In other words, what you say about your spouse, for good or ill, shapes the way you think, feel, and act in your marriage.

Reflect and Respond - What grade would you give yourself when it comes to how you talk about your spouse to friends and family, and why?

This post was written by Drs Les & Leslie Parrott. You find information about their latest book: YOUR TIME-STARVED MARRIAGE at http://store.lesandleslie.com/collections/your-time-starved-marriage/products/your-time-starved-marriage?mc_cid=4d0b223de0&mc_eid=8676cc37de

10 healthy things for marriage

9/24/2014

It takes work to have a healthy marriage, but it is possible. Just like good nutrition and regular exercise can help you to have a healthy body, there are things you can do to have a healthy marriage.

Here are 10 tips you can use to strengthen your marriage:

1) Spend Time with Each Other. Married partners need time with each other in order to grow strong together. Plan regularly scheduled date nightsand weekend activities. If a getaway is not immediately possible, then make it a goal toward which you will work. By spending time with your partner, you will better understand your differences and how to negotiate the problems they may cause. Forget the “quality vs. quantity time” discussion--healthy marriages need both.

2) Learn to Negotiate Conflict. Conflict is a normal part of a relationship. There is a point, however, when it can increase in intensity and become emotionally and sometimes physically unsafe. Working out problems in a relationship starts with understanding what your issues are and how to discuss them. There are many resources available to help you learn how to deal with conflict. Using these resources can go a long way in preserving how safe you and your partner feel.

3) Show Respect for Each Other at All Times. When a couple fails to respect each other, they often slip into negative habits. Research shows that nothing can damage a relationship quicker than criticisms and put-downs. Treating your partner as you would like to be treated will do a lot to strengthen the bond between you. Paying your partner a compliment is a quick and easy way to show him or her respect. When you are tempted to complain to someone about one of your partner’s flaws, ask yourself how you would feel if he or she did that to you.

4) Learn About Yourself First. Make it a point to work on self-discovery. Many partners enter into relationships without knowing enough about themselves. As a result, they can also have difficulty learning about their partners. Learning about yourself will better equip you to grow as an individual and a partner. Regardless of how long you’ve been together, there are always more things you can learn about him or her. What are his dreams for the future? What is her worst fear? What is the way he or she best gives or receives love? Imagine the intimacy and bond you will share over a lifetime together if you commit to discovering new things about one another!

5) Explore Intimacy. Marital intimacy can open your relationship to a whole new level of enjoyment and closeness. It is important, however, to remember that intimacy does not always mean sexuality. An often forgotten aspect of intimacy is the emotional type. An example of emotional intimacy is creating a safe space for your partner to share his or her emotions without fear of you being judgmental or making light of them. Learn the difference between emotional and physical intimacy and when each one is most appropriate. Offering your partner one type when they really need the other can create problems in your relationship.

6) Explore Common Interests. Couples thrive when they share similar interests. That doesn’t necessarily mean each partner will enjoy every activity, but it opens up the opportunity for greater sharing and compromise. Doing things separately is not bad; however, common interests are important to healthy marriages. A common interest may be cooking or eating new foods together, going for walks or playing cards. The goal is to have something outside of your family that you both enjoy.

7) Create a Spiritual Connection. Many couples grow closer when they share some form of spiritual connection. This can be done in many different ways. For example, it may be achieved through an affiliation with a church, synagogue or mosque, through meditation, or by simply spending time in nature or intimate conversation.

8) Improve Your Communication Skills. The ability to talk and listen to each other is one key to a healthy marriage. You should never assume your partner knows what you are thinking or feeling. Tell your spouse what is going on and, as a spouse, know when to simply listen. Learning to really hear your partner is a skill that may require practice. There are many resources available like books, marriage education workshops and online courses. All these options can help couples learn how to communicate more effectively.

9) Forgive Each Other. If he or she hasn’t already, your partner is going to do something that hurts, frustrates or upsets you. Guess what—you are going to do the same thing! Sometimes it might even be on purpose, after an argument or misunderstanding. Forgiveness is a tricky but important virtue in a marriage, especially since no one is perfect. Try to allow your partner some room to make a few mistakes because you will also make some of your own. When you make a mistake, act quickly to apologize and fix problems. Doing so will help to encourage forgiveness and strengthen your marriage.

10) Look for the Best in Each Other. When you met your partner, you fell in love with some of his or her wonderful qualities. Over time, however, your view of those qualities may have changed. For example, he may have been really good at saving money when you met. Now you just think he’s cheap! Give each other the benefit of the doubt and create a list of all the things you love about your partner. It will help you to fall in love all over again!

This post comes from the website, TwoOfUs.org. You can find them at: http://www.twoofus.org/educational-content/articles/10-things-you-can-do-to-have-a-healthy-marriage/index.aspx

The big five of marital conflict

9/23/2014

One of the most common misconceptions in marriages today is that fighting is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. But is it? Is a healthy marriage really one completely absent of conflict?

As a psychologist (Les) and a marriage and family therapist (Leslie), married since 1984, we don't claim to have a perfect relationship. We fight—just like every other couple on the planet. But we've learned a secret:

There's a difference between a bad fight and a good fight.

And when a couple learns to fight a good fight, the conflict actually brings them closer.

All couples generally fight over the same five things: money, sex, work, parenting and housework. Most argue about these five issues over and over again because these are all stressors that speak to our sense of love and fairness.

But you can learn to fight about them in a healthy way. Here are some tools to help you cool down "The Big Five."

Money

Allow us to say it straight: Money fights between couples are rarely about money. So if you want to minimize a currency conflict, trace it back to the fear that’s fueling it.

Instead of fighting over the amount of money that was spent on who-knows-what, shift the focus toward what really matters: (1) your fear of not having influence in important issues impacting your life, (2) your fear of not having security in your future, (3) your fear of having no respect shown for your values, or (4) your fear of not realizing your dreams.

Sex

To keep sexual grievances down and the marital bedsprings bouncing, we recommend focusing on solving “coordination failure.” It’s a common problem in marriages. The number-one reason people report not having sex in their marriage is “Too tired,” followed closely by “Not in the mood.” Most of the time, that’s code, knowingly or not, for having mismatched sex drives.

So start talking about it. As we write this, we can almost feel you cringing. For most couples, talking about sex is about as comfortable as sleeping in a car. Yet it’s a conversation that’s critically important to aligning your libidos and minimizing your conflicts. When the time is right, when both of you are relaxed and not distracted, ask each other to explain when you feel most eager to head to bed. Your answers may surprise you.

Work

We’ve got two words for you: date night. We know. You’ve heard this a thousand times: do a weekly date night or your marriage will suffer. Sounds more like a threat than friendly advice, doesn’t it? But it’s a surefire way to keep career conflict to a minimum.

In spite of this frequent advice, the message doesn’t seem to be getting through. Here’s how often married people, aged 25 to 50 with two or more children, have a date night:

Once a week: 4 percent
Once a month: 21 percent
Once every two to three months: 21 percent
Once every four to six months: 18 percent
Once every seven months or less often: 36 percent

Yikes! We can do better than that, and there’s good reason to do it. The National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia recently released a report titled “The Date Night Opportunity.” This study found that husbands and wives who set aside a deliberate time to connect and have fun at least once a week were approximately three and a half times more likely to report being “very happy” in their marriages.

Children

The solution for nearly any parenting conflict is found in getting on the same page and presenting a unified front. Otherwise, your kids play you against each other and add fuel to the parenting fire. Conflict decreases as teamwork increases. It may not be easy to agree with your spouse on the rules and standards you are willing to enforce with your kids. That’s why the first order of business is to iron out differences behind closed doors.

Don’t try to solve your parenting squabbles in the moment—while the kids enjoy the show. The time for presenting your ideas and negotiating trade-offs is when the two of you are alone. Once you reach agreement, stick together. When parents present a united front, there’s no room for recriminating I-told-you-so’s.

Chores

Let’s face it—most housework fights come about because one spouse is keeping score. That’s a bad idea. The scales of marriage are always in flux, and you’re only setting yourselves up for turmoil if you’ve installed a figurative scoreboard in your relationship. Using the division of labor approach does away with all that.

Trina, for example, is better and faster than Dan at both doing the dishes and tidying up around the house. In fact, she does it in half the time it takes him. Given this fact, does it make sense for Dan to do either of these tasks? Not really. What does make sense is for Dan to refresh the water bowl for their pet and prepare their child’s room for bedtime. He’s also quicker at organizing and tracking their finances. He does it in half the time it would take Trina. He’s also pretty good at ironing his own shirts.

You get the idea. It’s simple. Quit trying to divide the household chores down the middle. Marriage is lived best when you’re not trying to balance the scales.

Conflict is a fact of life, but it doesn’t have to be a bad one. When you are your spouse hit up against it next—and you will—go ahead and fight it out, but fight it with the goal to grow closer, to understand him or her better and to love each other well even in the midst of disagreement.

This post was written by Drs Les & Leslie Parrot. For the original post with comments, go to: http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/relationships/5-biggest-areas-conflict-couples

For their newest book which entails these concepts, go to THE GOOD FIGHT: HOW CONFLICT CAN BRING YOU CLOSER

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

Bill Cosby was right

9/22/2014

Look beneath the surface so you can judge correctly. John 7:24

Comedian Bill Cosby said, “For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked.”

He’s got a point.

Once the masks are fully removed and a couple settles into married life with their differing personalities, year after year, it can seem quite miraculous that the relationship endures.

What may even be more phenomenal is that a marriage need not only survive, but it can actually thrive in the face of two differing and headstrong personalities that face off day after day.

Of course, we can’t x-ray a personality, but we can observe it.

Why? Because our personality is evident in our behaviors.

We can deduce something, for example, about a person’s temperament when we notice that they do very careful research before buying a camera. And we can deduce something about personality when we see someone purchase a high-priced gadget on impulse.

Our behaviors reveal our personalities.

And as Yogi Berra so famously said, “You can observe a lot just by watching.” Especially when that “watching” is done around the clock in a marriage.

"In a time when nothing is more certain than change, the commitment of two people to one another has become difficult and rare. Yet, by its scarcity, the beauty and value of this exchange have only been enhanced." Robert Sexton

Our spouse becomes witness to our traits day-in and day-out. It’s almost as if we are on surveillance without ever intending it. The mere time that marriage consumes cannot help but to make us keen observers of each others’ traits as they become visible in our reactions, our expressions and our behaviors.

So what traits do you think are most consistently seen by your spouse in you?

Make a list of two personality traits, right now, that you think your spouse would note about you, and then test your accuracy by asking each other if you’re right.

This post was written by Drs Les & Leslie Parrott. For more information, go to their website: http://www.lesandleslie.com

Sunday Meditation

9/21/2014

A despairing man should have the devotion of his friends, even though he forsakes the fear of the Almighty. Job 6:14

At some point during the recovery process we re-examine our most fundamental beliefs. A long process of sorting, examining and questioning takes place. And, in that process, our relationship with God is challenged. It is possible that our relationship with God will deepen and strengthen in the process. But it is also possible that we will find ourselves pulling away from God. We may find ourselves angry with God, or afraid of God, or unable to believe in God at all. This can be a frightening experience. It can feel like the very foundations of life are being shaken.

In times like this, we need many things. But at the top of the list is our need for friends who will accept us even if we turn away from God. We need friends who will not minimize our struggle or discount our feelings. We need people who will not be shocked when we are full of rage at God. We need friends who are able to hear the deep pain behind our words and who know that this, too, is part of our healing. We need people who can see beyond the immediate pain to the healing that can come.

Even when we forsake the fear of God, we need friends who understand, who are committed to us for the long haul, and who plead with God on our behalf.

Sometimes I feel agnostic, Lord,
I just don't know anymore.
Sometimes I want nothing to do with you.
Where were you when I needed you the most?
Sometimes I despair, Lord.
Sometimes I can't seem to hope.

I need friends who will not abandon me, Lord.
I need friends who will be patient and grace-full with my anger and fear.
I need friends who will stay with me as we wait for you to show yourself once again.
I need friends, Lord, who will give me courage to hope again in you.
Send help, Lord.

Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan
National Association for Christian Recovery