Category: Compulsions

Enough

7/8/2014

“Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him.” -John 7:38.

This passage is amazing to me, because the message is completely countercultural to our current society. Many people look at their personal beliefs in more of a hobby format, than one that determines lifestyle, behavior, or thought processes. People live their lifestyle in a certain way due to their beliefs about God and human relationships. Some people, however, say their beliefs are in line with a certain system yet their behavior shows differently. This causes an internal dilemma with anyone involved and leads to discomfort and spiritual warfare. One example of this is apathy concerning sin. Gluttony is one example.

The practice and religion of gluttony is a belief system more than it is series of habits. It is true that sometimes I will eat a little too much and regret it later, but gluttony is a chronic and detrimental religion. I call this practice a religion, because of what it takes to be a glutton. Like many other brands of sin, gluttony takes the human through a journey for which the destination is self reliance. When one is a glutton they are saying that God is not sufficient to provide so I must enjoy life now beyond the fullest measure. I must soak up as much pleasure as I can before it is gone forever.

God created enough for a reason. He wanted humanity to remember that it is He who provides, and He who we must hunger for. Hunger pains are built in reminders that we can not function without an outside substance. Without the sacrifice of another life (plant, animal, etc.)

Stewardship of the body implies that we do not have ownership of ourselves. We are a possession of the most high king, and are meant for His glory. How can we do this if our beliefs and behavior do not match? If I love God, how will I show Him?

What pleases Him is a life that is dedicated to love, and sold out to giving Him glory. Not because God is full of Himself, but because the practice of loving God makes us better.

Cling to enough.
Love what is good.

This post was written by Rev DeCrastos. For the original post, go to: http://other-words.net/2014/06/30/streams-monday-musings/

0 Comments

Becoming clean

12/5/2013

0 Comments

Having accepted a counseling assignment for two years in a South American country, I met an interesting man. In his broken English, he confessed, "I like dirty women."

This man was a gynecologist, very educated and finally coming to the realization that he had a terrible problem. In English, dirty can mean several things. However, in Spanish, he was very clear. He used the word, "sucia." "Sucia" means physically dirty, unwashed. He continued with other clear words, "Indigenas, indias, mujeres sucias..." Translated, those words mean, "indigenous, indians, dirty women..." He was talking about a people group that were indigenous in that area: women from the Quechua people. These people are typically considered lower class by those who don't have indian blood.

Being educated and of Spanish descent, he considered himself to be superior to these people. That was his quandary. "Why do I like dirty women? I'm not attracted to pure blood women." He went on to explain that he would sexually use some of his patients, but only the Quechua women. He felt an attraction to women that he was not supposed to be attracted to, kinda like forbidden fruit. He soothed his conscience by believing that he was only having sex with women who were beneath his station in life. These people were essentially worthless in his mind.

He would trade his gynecological services for sexual favors with his patients. He found that many times, he would not be refused because these women were poor and did not feel good about themselves. "They couldn't say no because no one thinks they are attractive. I flatter them..."

So, you can see this man has a terrible sin problem. Actually, more than one. Just to name a few: 1) prejudice, 2) sexism, 3) racism, 4) elitism, 5) compulsions, 6) fornication, etc... Just plain sinfulness.

As his story unfolded, he also revealed that he was addicted to marijuana, alcohol and painkillers. Being a physician, he had no difficulty affording and obtaining these substances, especially when he would trade his gynecological services for these substances.

He was raised in an environment with a very strong mother and a father who had abandoned him. As we delved further into his upbringing, he noted that he was brought into sex early when his mother paid for a prostitute "to teach him how to be a man" as his father wasn't doing a good job at raising him. He recalled his first sexual encounter at age eight with repeated exposure, at his mother's insistence, until he left for college at age sixteen.

In spite of his medical and financial success, this man knew that he was doomed. "My soul is on the way to hell..." Fortunately, this gentleman was receptive to God's working in his life. He came for help because he had heard that hell was a place that he did not want to go. As I was unable to follow this man due to not being around long enough to help him, I was able to hand him off to a pastor. This pastor told him about God's redemptive power and discipled him. He became very much like Zaccheus. He repented of his sinful behavior and attempted to make restitution as best he could.

This man's story teaches us that we are not doomed by the sins of our parents, doomed because we had a bad upbringing or doomed because we have abused people. There is always room for God's offer of salvation. It is never too late to do the right thing.

Is your life like this man's? Or do you think that he is beneath you?
In what kind of sin do you find yourself involved?
It is never too late to do the right thing.

If God can change this man, he can change you.

How bout it?

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

0 Comments

Sunday Meditation

8/25/2013

0 Comments

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Philippians 3:12

Some days the desire to be 'finished' with recovery is almost overwhelming. It is such an attractive thought. To be 'done'. It sounds so good. Done. Finally. Please, Lord, I want to be done today.

But, we have learned something about our capacity for self-deceit. We have learned that we are not entirely in control of the process of recovery. And, we have learned something about the dangers of complacency. It can lead us back into denial, and toward relapse. There is no more dangerous moment for us than the moment we become convinced that we are all better.

Recovery is 'pressing on'. We have not 'already obtained.' We have not 'already been made perfect.' Tomorrow's recovery cannot be done in advance. And yesterday's recovery, although it has changed and enriched us, is not the same thing as today's recovery. Today's recovery can only be done today.

The process of recovery restructures our lives in some very fundamental ways. We had learned silence, and in recovery we learn to speak the truth. We had learned not to feel, and in recovery we learn to feel. We had learned either not to need other people at all or to be excessively dependent on other people, and in recovery we learn to need other people in appropriate ways. These are significant changes. But, they are not irreversible changes. We can go back to silence, emotional numbness and unhealthy relationships. Recovery is necessarily therefore a new way of life. It is a daily pressing on. It is the day-at-a-time practice of the disciplines of recovery that makes it possible for us to continue to heal, grow and change.

Lord, you have brought me so far.
Thank you. I am grateful for all I have gained.
But, I want to press on.
I want to continue to grow.
I want to continue to learn.
Help me to press on.
Help me to do today's recovery today.
Help me to press on toward you.
Take hold of me with your love.

Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan
National Association for Christian Recovery

0 Comments

This is your teen's brain on porn

7/25/2013

3 Comments

Popular search engines logged more than ten billion searches last June. Two and a half billion of those searches were for pornography. With the invention of the Internet and devices to log onto it, including that smart phone your teen may own, anyone, at any time, can watch porn. There are approximately 420 million adult web pages online to excite viewers, some of it free to a child of any age.

Many thirteen to sixteen year olds spend almost two hours a week viewing pornography, claims a 2009 CyberSentinel poll. Mothers have reported finding their children as young as eight watching. With more tweens and teens announcing that they watch porn, why aren't more parents talking about it? Because whether we are pro-porn or anti-porn, the conversation is usually emotionally charged. We do not have as much neural connectivity to our brain's more rational prefrontal region when that happens. However, our challenge with the topic robs us of the opportunity to help our teens deal with the impact porn has on their lives, and ultimately, on their brains.

Teen pregnancy rates are climbing. So are the number of teen girls committing violent crimes, acts that were once committed mainly by males. Teen dating violence is on the rise as is teen suicides. Could porn be adding to our teens' woes? Yes, according to Wendy Maltz, a sex therapist and notable researcher. She believes porn is creating a national health problem that harms our emotional and sexual relationships.

Research has yet to prove conclusively that viewing of pornography leads to sexism, misogyny, and the other problems listed above. However, a 2008 study linked the listening to lyrics of rap and hip-hop to sexism. It is not much of a stretch to think that watching women degraded, as opposed to simply hearing about it, would have the same effect. The brain reacts to viewing images as intensely as it does to reality.

More than seventy percent of porn users claim their porn viewing is a secret, according to an MSNBC study. Porn appears to bathe our brains in neurochemicals that lead to shame. Perhaps in part due to our innate sense of humanity. In Michael Tomasello's book, Why We Cooperate, he claims babies are born to be social and to help others. Could it be that watching women used for the pleasure of men, and often roughly or degradingly used at that, triggers our innate desire to help the woman? Yet, watching porn for our own titillation, are we not using her as well? Our brain circuits are attempting to deal with two opposite needs: Our erotic need, and our more humanitarian need. That is confusing enough for an adult. A teen's brain may not be mature enough to understand all the nuances of porn's impact.

By now most of us know that teen brains are less mature than adult brains. Teens use their limbic system more often for making decisions. That is the area of the brain used for feeding, fleeing, fighting and sexual reproduction. Growth and connectivity to the prefrontals takes decades. Without a more mature brain to help teens sort out the intense emotional arousal of porn, watching it could leave a teen feeling that porn is a true representation of what sex, relationships, and intimacy should look like in real life.

A teen who replicates porn-style relationships in their own life could suffer from lack of intimacy and the needed feel-good neurochemicals that go hand in hand with such a relationship. Teens need connections with others who have organized brains in order for their brains to grow properly. A brain "on porn: is not an organized brain. It is a highly aroused brain, not a "thinking clearly" brain.

Can we make an argument that porn is leading to neurological poverty in our teens and adding to their woes? While the researchers ponder the question, parents may want to ponder these ideas:

Be open to the fact that pornography may be harming your teen. Whether or not they watch it, forty-five percent of teens surveyed said their friends do.

Be willing to listen to your teen about how they feel about porn. That means you have to ask calm questions. The majority of the boys interviewed about how the media affects their relationship with girls claimed porn had a negative effect on our culture. How does your teen feel? Ask.

Find ways to think about, and talk about pornography with less emotional charge. Your teenager will instinctively know how to push your buttons and get you worked up so that conversations about the topic will become fruitless.

Examine the rationalization that porn stars know what they are doing, and get paid so there is no harm done. That rationale does not disclose the fact that studies reveal many workers in the sex industry were abused as children. Abuse reduces neurogenesis (the growth of new neurons) and synaptogenesis (the integrated connectivity of neurons) so it stands to reason that the neural networks for growing up to be teachers, doctors, engineers, etc. did not get a chance to form. Add that victims often reenact their abuse, and it does not take much to understand why some porn stars trade sex for money.

Compassionately study your own use of pornography. In order to help our teens, we often have to help ourselves first. If you feel you have a problem with porn, please seek help.

This post was taken from Psychology Today: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/guide-teen-girls/201002/your-teens-porn-brain

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

3 Comments

You should be ashamed of yourself

7/19/2013

0 Comments

I’ll tell you what shame has done for you, follower of Christ: it has hindered you from living the kind of life God wants for you. That’s what shame has done for you. Likely, shame has been instrumental for some of the stinkin’ thinkin’ you’ve been holding to for years — thinking that affected your feelings and emotions — thinking that led to wrong behavior. If you’re riddled with shameful thoughts, you may try to make yourself feel better in unhealthy ways (compulsory behavior, such as excessive drinking, over-eating, anonymous or promiscuous sex, gambling, shopping, use of drugs or medications). Shame ain’t never done nobody any good — ever. That’s just good theology, right there.

But let’s distinguish shame from guilt. If you do or say or think something wrong, then your conscience may inform you that it is wrong, and you may feel bad for the wrong done. That is guilt, not shame. Guilt is admitting to doing something wrong (you did wrong). Shame makes you think that you are something wrong (as though there is something wrong with you as a human being). The latter is dangerous because feelings of self-loathing and self-worthlessness contribute to further distorted thinking, which leads to further emotional damage, which may, in turn, lead to further bad behavior. Shame forms a vicious cycle that can be difficult to break the longer one is engaged within its grip.

Also, there is nothing necessarily wrong with feeling ashamed for doing or saying or thinking something heinous. This is mere acknowledgment of the wrongdoing. When you’re guilty of wrongdoing, and you acknowledge your guilt, you may feel a measure of shame — embarrassment, disgrace, humiliation — for it. But do not confuse doing something wrong with being something wrong. In Christ you have overcome. It may not seem like it yet, it may not feel like it yet, but it’s true (Rom. 8:37). The Bible admits that you have, by faith in Christ, overcome the world (1 John 5:4)!

You need to keep a close eye on your emotions: befriend them, says Henri Nouwen, and don’t become their victim. If you let them master you, you will miss out on the kind of life God desires for you in Christ. There shall be no other master over you but Christ (cf. Luke 16:13; 1 Cor. 6:12). Also, notes Nouwen, don’t “whip yourself for your lack of spiritual progress. If you do, you will easily be pulled even further away from your center … It is obviously good not to act on your sudden emotions. But you don’t have to repress them, either. You can acknowledge them and let them pass by. In a certain sense, you have to befriend them so that you do not become their victim."1

Perhaps your negative emotions are triggered by negative thoughts that will try to master you by bringing undue shame. “You’re not good enough." “No one really likes you anyway." “The Lord doesn’t have time for you." “You never do anything right." Don’t befriend these kinds of thoughts! Here’s how you confront these kinds of negative thoughts and not allow them to control you emotionally. When you have a negative thought, such as “You’re not good enough," ask, “Good enough for who?" In Christ, the playing field for being “good enough" has been destroyed by Jesus’ perfection. When you have a negative thought, such as “No one really likes you anyway," ask, “Really? Not even one person in the whole universe?"

This particular negative thought is known as two types of cognitive distortions: 1) over-generalizing; and 2) omniscience (all-knowing). God loves you, so there’s at least one person in the known universe who loves you. So you cannot over-generalize and suggest that absolutely no one loves you. Plus, you cannot actually know that no one really loves you, since you cannot know the true thoughts and feelings of others. There are people who may really, really like or love you that you’re not too familiar with (people in the community, church, clubs or organizations, on-line, etc.). All our negative thoughts need to be confronted because all too often they do not necessarily represent the truth. Take the last negative thought offered: “You never do anything right." Really? Never, ever, do anything whatsoever right? If that were true, you couldn’t really exist in this world. The truth is that you probably do most things right, and maybe only a few things wrong; which is the complete opposite of what the negative thought was promoting.

Christ took your shame, believer (cf. Heb. 12:2), and He has no plans of giving it back to you. So, stop trying to take it back. Stop equating doing something wrong with being something wrong. Stop listening to those voices — preachers in particular — who attempt to manipulate you into subjection by keeping you under the heavy thumb of shame. Christ has set you free from all that tries to bind you (Gal. 5:1). “In everything, keep trusting that God is with you, that God has given you companions on the journey. Keep returning to the road to freedom."2 And stick close to those whom God has given you on this road to freedom who continually build you up (Rom. 14:19; 1 Thess. 5:11).
_________

1 Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Inner Voice of Love: A Journey Through Anguish to Freedom (New York: Image Books, 1998), 42.

2 Ibid., 39.

This post was written by William Birch. For the original post with comments, go to: http://willandgraced.tumblr.com/post/55592721019/

0 Comments

12 things your church needs to know about addicts

6/26/2013

1 Comment

1. My clean time and my conversion date are not the same thing. I’ve been clean for 8 years, and a Christian for 13. I was a saved-by-grace, Bible believing Christian who was using drugs. If I relapse tomorrow I will still be a Christian, redeemed and forgiven.

2. I am alive because Christians showed me grace. Sure, I can pull off the soccer mom act now, if I want to. But there was a time when I was literally stumbling into church on Sunday mornings, looking to find God again after a particularly rough week or month or year. There were Christians who told me to smarten up and Christians who asked me to leave. But there were also Christians who welcomed me, bought me a cup of coffee after church, listened to me, mentored me, prayed for me, and bared their own souls and struggles when I felt alone.

3. When people tell me that they would love to hear my story, sometimes I feel more like a two-headed alien than a friend. Please don’t pry for the gory details of some of my most tragic moments. Someday I might tell you about the dark places I’ve been, but only when I know I can trust you — and that I can trust myself to tell the story for God’s glory and not my own wistful, dangerous reminiscence.

4. Please don’t tell me that you know what I’ve been through. I am thrilled to hear that you have found freedom over your own life controlling issues, but please don’t tell me that you know exactly what I’ve gone through. Let’s show one another more respect for our unique situations than to presume we know what each other has been through.

5. Addiction doesn’t always look like it does in tragic made-for-tv movies. Yes, I had a time in my life when I was the homeless punk kid passed out on the sidewalk. I also achieved a 4-point-0 at bible college while smoking crack. People rarely fit into their stereotypes.

6. Addiction is both a sin issue and a disease. Please Please Please hear what I’m saying on this one. Any treatment plan or advice that only tackles one side of the equation is more hurtful than helpful. Encourage addicts to get treatment for their disease; even if it is not faith based treatment. You wouldn’t tell someone with cancer not to visit a secular oncologist, or someone with diabetes to just try harder and read their bible more. In my experience, Christians who are struggling with addiction are well aware of their sin. They need hope, help and support, not condemnation.

7. Please stop using the word addiction to mean “affinity for”. You aren’t “addicted” to reality tv or strawberry frappucinos. Please don’t trivialize the pain that people struggle with every single day by referring to your hobbies and preferences as addictions.

8. I’m still an addict. 8 years clean and I still have to be very careful where I go, what I watch, and where I let my mind wander to. If I breathe in too slow sometimes I can almost for a moment taste and feel the drugs. Sometimes when that happens I pray that sin would not have dominion over me; other times I take another slow breath to try sadly and desperately to feel it again. The temptation doesn’t disappear just because I’ve been clean for years, which brings me to the next point…

9. Sometimes I just really want to get high. And for the most part I can’t tell people this because they think it means I’m about to relapse. If I do tell you I’m struggling, please don’t freak out.

10. And I am so much more than an addict. I am passionate and creative and opinionated. God is daily showing me bigger, better glimpses of who I am in Him.

11. Sometimes, deliverance is white knuckled work. I used to ask why God wasn’t setting me free from this in the powerful, miraculous ways he sometimes does. What I’ve come to see is that freedom is not the lack of temptation, it is the ability to stand against it. Everyday my weakness is made strong in Him.

12. My old life was full of lies. It was how I protected my addiction. So sometimes now I say things that are uncomfortably and painfully true. I have to. The whole “I’m okay, your okay” game we like so much to play in the church can mean certain death for an addict. Ultimately, it isn’t really good for anyone. I’m not okay, you’re not okay, we all have issues we are working through.

This post was written by Kelly. You can find the original post at: http://redandhoney.com/2013/06/12-things-an-addict-wants-the-church-to-know/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

1 Comment

An Acceptable Sin

5/10/2013

4 Comments

Most Christians today like to say that all sins are “equal” in the eyes of God, that there is no scale of less or worse sins, that a white lie or a homicide alike would have been enough to require Christ to die on the cross. We say this in theory, but in practice, we know that a white lie won’t get you kicked off the church leadership team. And a homicide likely will.

In practice, there are some sins that are socially acceptable, even in the Church. There’s one sin in particular that has pervaded our society and churches so silently we hardly give it a second thought, and that is the constant hunt for more over what is enough. Or, in an uglier terminology, what is known as gluttony.

When I think about gluttony, I think about my desire to shove a dozen donuts into my mouth and wash them down with chocolate milk. Or perhaps it’s my tendency to mindlessly feed chips to a stomach that’s no longer hungry. Many of us can look at the sin of gluttony and think, “That’s not really my struggle.” Or, we think, “What’s the big deal?” After all, most congregations have compulsive over-eaters among them, and they’re not considered “less spiritual” or “backslidden” for it.

But gluttony has never been merely an addiction to food. And if we look at it in its original definition and context, gluttony becomes far closer to home than we’d like to admit.

At its simplest, gluttony is the soul’s addiction to excess. It occurs when taste overrules hunger, when want outweighs need. And in America, where upsizing has always been part of the American dream, it’s often difficult to distinguish what is hard-earned achievement and what is indulgent excess. In this sense, even the most athletic and toned among us can be gluttons. Any of us can be.

All desire for excess stems from a lack of satisfaction. I’m not satisfied with my portion—be it the portion on my plate, in the marriage bed, or in my bank account. Because I’m not satisfied with my portion, I then seek a greater portion. But because every portion is a finite part of a finite whole, I am constantly chasing an excess that can never satisfy.

This is the story of Genesis 3. What was the sin in the Garden of Eden if not a desire for excess? Adam and Eve were given beautiful sights and beautiful tastes in the absence of shame, but what made the garden a paradise was not any of this. It was a paradise because God walked in the cool of the day with them. And yet, Adam and Eve’s downfall was because they deemed even this as not enough. They weren’t content with their portion of paradise, and they reached out—to disastrous consequence—for more.

Like them, we are ravenous beings. We embody bottomless cravings that constantly paw at the next attractive thing. Our appetites are as strong as death, Proverbs 27:20 tells us. We are always on the move for the next thing that can satisfy and slake our restless thirst. This endless pull is the engine of gluttony. It propels our souls ever toward excess.

And yet, the desire for “more” is not inherently bad, but it is often misdirected. What we need is a relentless appetite for the divine. We need a holy ravenousness. Our craving souls can turn and become enthralled by a goodness that is found in the presence of an all-glorious God. There is only one infinite source of satisfaction that can satisfy our bottomless cravings.

A taste of His supreme grace is enough to lure an appetite long held prisoner to lesser portions. If stolen water is sweet, lavished grace is sweeter.

And here’s a strange side effect: The more we drink deeply of the endless love of an infinite God, the more our tastes will be changed. The deep bright marrow of grace will drip down into the restless souls of the ever-hungry.

In pursuit of lesser portions, our tastes have dulled. We’ve become numb to our real hungers, filling them with lesser fare. But when we return to the source, we taste anew.

Psalm 34:8 challenges us to see the difference for ourselves: “Taste and see that the Lord is good.” I think Paul understood this verse when he told the people at Lystra that God gives food and gladness so that our hearts would turn from vain things and turn to the ultimate satisfaction of who God is (Acts 14:15-17).

Consequently, if God has ordained that His goodness can be tasted and seen (and, I would submit, heard, smelled and touched), this has at least two direct implications. First, it means that every finite pleasure and satisfaction is meant to point us toward the infinite pleasure and satisfaction of God. My admiration for a sunset, then, need not stop at that horizon, rather it can curve upward into praise and gratitude. Second, it means that if our desire for "more" is misplaced, then certainly it can be redirected to something good as well.

Is the desire for excess sinful? It depends on whether the soul is addicted to a finite excess or an infinite excess. Do we ever think of gorging on God? Do we relish the chance to spend a few more minutes in prayer, hidden away from the world for just one more taste of the divine? When was the last time we lingered long over the pages of an open Bible because we just couldn’t stop admiring the honeyed flavor of an ancient truth? If the Bible is the story of the only infinite good, why do we spend so much of our lives at lesser tables?

We Christians have so tamed our enjoyment in God that we cannot fathom what such thrill-seeking would even look like. Feasting on God is as foreign to most Americans as an empty stomach. Why can’t we fix our souls on the only goodness who can handle our cravings? Why do we chase the more mild flavors of money, food and sex?

If only we would not stifle our gluttonous cravings, but turn them in the right direction. If only we would feast on an infinite God who offers fullness of life, rather than these lesser tables with the far milder flavors of money, sex, food and power.

As George MacDonald put it, “Sometimes I wake and, lo, I have forgot.” Sleep is like a reset button and my hunger is misdirected often. I think I’m hungry for the finite, but I’m really hungry for God. To remember, we need to taste daily, deeply and constantly of the goodness of God. So let us turn together, and feast rightly.

This post was written by Jason Todd of Relevant Magazine. For the original post with comments, go to: http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/practical-faith/socially-acceptable-sin

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

4 Comments

Are you a sexaholic?

5/2/2013

0 Comments

Unlike an alcoholic who can abstain and maintain sobriety, the sexual addict has to face the fact of his sexuality. Celibacy does not resolve the problem. Hence, the question emerges for addicts as to how they determine when their sexual behavior is addictive.

The following formula is suggested as a guideline. Signs of compulsive sexuality are when the behavior can be described using the SAFE acronym:

1. It is a SECRET. Anything that cannot pass public scrutiny will create the shame of a double life.

2. It is ABUSIVE to self or others. Anything that is exploitive or harmful to others or degrades oneself will activate the addictive system.

3. It is used to avoid or is a source of painful FEELINGS. If sexuality is used to alter moods or results in painful mood shifts, it is clearly part of the addictive process. Also, if sexuality is used to avoid the pleasurable feelings of monogamy , there is trouble.

4. It is EMPTY of a caring, committed relationship. Fundamental to the whole concept of addiction and recovery is the healthy dimension of human relationships. Marriage takes a lot of work. There are ups and downs in marriage, that is part of what makes a long-term marriage satisfying. There is a great shared history. If the addict avoids the work of commitment, he runs a huge risk of being sexual outside of marriage.

If the SAFE acronym applies to you, I urge you to get help.

This material is taken from the book Out of the Shadows (pg 189).

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

0 Comments

Trapped with Porn

3/18/2013

3 Comments

What do you do when you are placed in a situation where you feel trapped?

I knew a guy who, like many men, had a desire to look at scantily clad, attractive women. He used to be an avid fan of Playboy magazine but as he grew in his personal relationship with Christ, he came to respect women more and was able to not spend his time obsessing about women as sex objects.

He had a good childhood friend that lived cross-country and his friend invited him to spend a week with him. His friend had a small one-bedroom apartment with a very small spare room where his friend kept his book collection. This man was to sleep in this small spare room during his visit. As he was laying there, on the couch in this small room, he started to observe the books and magazines that were in this collection. Some books were classics, some contemporary spy thrillers, and some books about military history.

Next, his eyes glanced at the magazine collection. What he didn't know about his friend is that his friend collected Playboy magazines. He had almost every issue over the previous 10 years. They were catalogued and displayed quite prominently. As he lay there trying to sleep, his mind kept wandering back to the Playboy collection that was within his reach. His mind thought back to the images that were in his mind from his previous experience with Playboy. His heart was pounding in his ears and his mind said, "it's OK to look at them. You won't be here but just a few nights. It's not like they belong to you."

What would you do? Your character determines how you will handle this situation. Your true character shows when no one is looking.

How do you handle this? God promises a way of escape. What is the answer?

Honesty.   God's strength to be vulnerable and transparent.

Fortunately, this man did the right thing. He woke his friend up and they had a conversation about Playboy. Even though his friend didn't think it was a big deal to look at Playboy, his friend took the magazines out of the room and put them in his own bedroom.

This man kept his integrity. He stayed away from sinful behavior.

Is his friend still collecting Playboy magazines?   I dunno.

But his friend now knows that not all men think that looking at porn is acceptable. Maybe nobody ever told him that before...

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

3 Comments

She drove to the police station

3/8/2013

0 Comments

Men who read and watch a lot of pornography have active imaginations and often live in a fantasy world. Pornography messes with a man's mind. His reasoning changes.

Men who are avid fans of pornography develop an unusual perspective on women. They view women as sex objects. They forget that woman have their own motives, ideas and plans.

Many times women's motives, ideas and plans do not include men.

A man with an addiction to pornography cannot understand the previous sentence.

These men cannot imagine that women are really not always "on the prowl" looking for sexual encounters. What these men forget is that almost all pornography is written and directed by men. Therefore, men who use pornography develop a perspective of women that women exist just for men's satisfaction. These men's minds have become programmed by the pornographers.

When men get this distorted perspective of women, they are prone to act out. They have fantasies and often want to do what they see on TV, in the movies, and on the computer.

Let me tell about one man's reprehensible actions. This man had a fantasy that he would encounter a woman he did not know who would be wanting to have sex with him.

This man would spend a fair amount to time in the mall, sitting outside of women's clothing stores deciding which woman would be the one with whom he would have sex.

He saw a certain woman and decided that he found a woman who would fulfill his fantasy...

His fantasy was one that he played over and over in his mind, just like the movie he played over and over on his DVD player. In this fantasy, he would follow a woman who just purchased lingerie. As she walked from the store, she would turn and look back in a flirtatious manner on her way to her car and then he would follow her. He imagined she would drive to a secluded area where she had kept her lingerie on from trying it on in the store and then they would have a sexual encounter in his van or even better, she would drive to a motel and they would share a room.

Do you see how distorted this man's reasoning is? What woman, in reality, would actually do what he is fantasizing? But that's what happens to men who view porn, they think all women are ready for sex when a man wants to have sex.

He spotted this particular woman and realized that he had seen her several times before in the mall. On one occasion, he thought she had actually looked at him and smiled. That meant that she wanted to have a liaison with him.

He followed her down the mallway. She would turn and look back every so often and he felt encouraged. He knew his fantasy was going to be a reality!

What this man did not know because his reasoning was so out of whack is that the woman was fearful. She was looking back because she was watching him. She didn't like that he was following her.

She went to her car quickly (which he interpreted that she was so excited that she wanted to get to their encounter rapidly) and he got into his car and followed her as she drove away. She drove a rather circuitous route and he was closely following her, fantasizing about what was about to happen.

The next thing he knew, he was awakened from his fantasized induced stupor when she pulled into a parking space at the local police station.

This man was fortunate, he had enough reasoning to realize he was about to be in trouble. He quickly drove off and went home. That was when he finally understood that he needed help. That's when he called a counselor to get help.

I won't get into this man's counseling as that is not the point of this post; however, suffice it to say this was a turning point for him. He decided he needed to change. He was lucky. He wasn't charged with a crime. He could be sitting behind bars.

Do you catch the point of this post?

Pornography always takes. It never gives up. It is insidious. It ruins a man.

It changes the way you think.

Dump your stash/cache.
Stop watching "adult" programming.
Get rid of those movies.
Stop wasting time on the internet.
Ask your pastor for help.

Be a real man.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

0 Comments

<<Previous

Enough

Becoming clean

Sunday Meditation

This is your teen's brain on porn

You should be ashamed of yourself

12 things your church needs to know about addicts

An Acceptable Sin

Are you a sexaholic?

Trapped with Porn

She drove to the police station

Rules for commenting:

Categories

Archives

IRONSTRIKES

Men Forging Men