He sat across the table from me, trying to convince me that his behavior wasn't hurting anybody.  "I'm not having sex, I'm just having some fun!"  He proceeded to tell me  his story.   It's one that I have heard many times.  Unfortunately.

His behavior started fairly innocently.  He was happily married but there were occasions that his wife would work late.  During these times, on occasion, he would call a "chat line."  The conversations started out innocent enough but he didn't realize that he was being fleeced.  God speaks about this.  He says,"with persuasive words she led him astray; she seduced him with her smooth talk."   The young lady on the other end of the phone started flirting with him and tapped into his ego.  The next time he called her, she talked about how wonderful he was and how he helped her not to feel so lonely.  A few calls later, the trap was sprung.   He gave her his credit card number so that she would "tell him things that she knew he wanted to hear."  His calls continued with greater frequency.  He would get out of bed where his wife was sleeping to call this young lady.  She was always available to him and would say things that his wife would never say.  

He started to feel guilty and talked to the young lady about not calling her anymore.  That is when she set the hook.  She told him that she was a college student and that she needed the money to pay for school.  She admitted that she did this with just a few men and that they "weren't doing anything wrong."  

He looked at me and said, "but, I'm not cheating!!! I'm not having sex with her.  We're just having a little fun .  No one's getting hurt and I'm helping her pay for her education."  

I cautioned him about his behavior.  I explained to him what such behavior leads to.  That's when he said, "funny you should say that...."    He  then proceeded with this all too familiar story:

This young lady suggested that they meet.  It was a town that he visited on business often.   She explained that she offered private services to help men feel more masculine and perform better in bed.  She explained that he would enjoy it as "most men do."  

He went to the house that she and several other young women (who were working their way thru college too)  used to "help men."  There was never any intercourse.  He was "learning how to let a woman be in charge."   He found these lessons exhilarating.  He paused in his story, "but, I'm not cheating!!! We aren't having sex and I really like how she makes me feel."  It's as if he was trying to convince himself more than he was trying to convince me.  

I would love to be able to tell you that this man conquered this illicit behavior but I cannot.  His life became a disaster.  

One night when he was talking to this young woman on the phone, his wife happened to be listening on the extension.  The next day, when he got home from work, he found his belongings on the yard, the locks changed and a court injunction prohibiting him from ever seeing his wife again.  The divorce proceedings were quick and he soon found himself on the street with no home.

I haven't had any contact with him since.  I don't know where he is and I don't know if he got help.  I do pray for him, hoping that he has turned to God and is living a life that represents Christ well.

Why do I tell you this story?  I guess you need to know that it is easy for men to rationalize their sinful behavior.   Men have a tendency to compartmentalize their behavior and think that their lives cannot be affected.  

God has something to say about this.  ‎"The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, a puzzle that no one can figure out. But I, God, search the heart and examine the mind. I get to the heart of the human. I get to the root of things. I treat them as they really are, not as they pretend to be."   

So, what is in your heart?  
Are you pretending?  
Ask God to give you a new heart.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

God has given us instructions in His Word that prayer is something that every Christian needs to be doing.  Prayer is, simply put, the way we come to know God personally.  Earnest, honest prayer that is filled with praise, confession, thankfulness, and requests is what God desires.  Prayer also needs to be filled with times of solitude, to be free from distractions, so one can hear from God.

1) Is there ever a time we should not pray?  We had a couple of American friends visit us while we were living in Germany and we were out to eat, enjoying the local flammkuchen at a little eatery.  My friend ordered water because he didn't want to spend the money on soda and as the waitress opened the bottle and was about to pour, she told him that the bottle was going to be 6 Euro.  My friend, who didn't understand European customs, didn't remember that we had told him that water is not free in European restaurants.  He became upset and the waitress withdrew his order of water.  Instead she offered soda which was only 2 Euro.  He agreed to that.  However, you could tell that the waitress was visibly upset.  We apologized to her as best we could.  When she brought the flammkuchen to the table, we were about to pray aloud when I said, "I don't think we should pray.  I'm afraid that it would give this waitress a bad impression of Christians."  Now don't get me wrong I think it IS appropriate to pray in public but God reminds us that prayer can become sin.  In this instance we all agreed that praying publicly wasn't God-honoring in this situation.

2) Is there ever a time we should not pray?  I had a friend one time who had a severe debt and asked God to pay the debt for him.  He told everyone the exact amount and prayed fervently (personally, I don't think it's wise to publicly state an exact amount of money).   Within a week, God miraculously provided that money and more.  The person again broadcast the exact amount that God provided.  The reactions were predictable.  "Wow!"  "Prayer works."  "God is so good."  "Praise the Lord!" and so forth...   

I wonder what his friends who have been praying that God would work a miracle in their lives thought when God did not seemingly answer their prayers.  Maybe they were encouraged.  Maybe it lifted their faith.  Maybe it caused them to pray more.  

or 

Maybe it discouraged them.  Maybe they were like, "Why does he always get the breaks?  Why did God answer his prayers and not mine?"  Maybe they told themselves, "I guess I have to pray harder."  

I wonder what the reaction would have been if God had not provided the amount or the amount with extra to spare.  "Is God still good?"  "Does prayer still work?"

3) Finally, I believe that God can heal people.   God may choose to heal miraculously or he may heal slowly or he may heal at the hands of doctors.  Healing is a biblical concept.

My friend had fallen on an icy patch and went to see his physician who told him it would be 6-8 weeks before he would be pain free.  He was having severe pain and muscle spasms.  He believed he was going to lose his job because he could hardly move.  As he told me, just two days later, you can tell his pain was real.  He was almost in tears as he was describing what he was going thru.  When he was talking, I heard clearly in my mind, "You need to pray for him."  So when he finished I grabbed a couple more guys and we prayed for him on the spot.  I walked away thinking, "OK I did what God told me to do.  I was obedient. But nothing's gonna happen."

The next morning, I felt prompted to pray for him again and I did during my devotions.  Later that day, I texted him.  Here's the convo:

Me:  How did it go today?
Him:  Pain free and awesome, thanks for asking :-)
Me:  You're kidding! No pain?  The MD said 6-8 weeks.
Him:  No pain, no spasms, no discomfort, no kidding!
Me:  Wow!  So work was good?
Him:  It was great!

I was floored.  I told Karyn about his healing and I said, "this is scary.  God answered our prayers for his healing."  Karyn said, "why is that scary?"  I said, "because I obeyed and God healed.  What else does that mean God wants to do?"  

Later that week, I talked to my friend in person.  He said when he woke up the next day (the day after we prayed together) he got ready for work and had forgotten all about his pain until I texted him.  He said that it was then that he realized that God had healed him.  

When I heard of his healing, I had mixed emotions:

- I had doubt.  "Did God really do that?"  
- I had some fear.  "What else will happen if I pray?  Will God do it again?"   
 
but also

- I became more encouraged to pray right away with people in need.  

- I had my faith lifted.

There may be people who heard of my friend's healing who may have also asked themselves, "Why won't God heal me?  I have asked God numerous times and nothing has changed."  Maybe his healing caused them to feel discouraged.  

Yet...

Who knows the mind of God?  
Who can understand the ways He works?  
Who can bring an accusation before God?

These are all definitively unanswerable in my mind.  

Still, I will pray.
I continue to attempt to understand, trust and believe.  
I try to rejoice with those who have their prayers answered.
I mourn with those who don't seemingly have their prayers answered.

Yet, even in my imperfection and weakness, I point to God.  What we see can't be all there is...

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.