Category: Control - IRONSTRIKES

Control your own drawbridge

10/20/2014

From Henri Nouwen: You must decide for yourself to whom and when you give access to your interior life. For years you have permitted others to walk in and out of your life according to their needs and desires. Thus you were no longer master in your own house, and you felt increasingly used. So, too, you quickly became tired, irritated, angry, and resentful.

Think of a medieval castle surrounded by a moat. The drawbridge is the only access to the interior of the castle. The lord of the castle must have the power to decide when to draw the bridge and when to let it down. Without such power, he can become the victim of enemies, strangers, and wanderers. He will never feel at peace in his own castle.

It is important for you to control your own drawbridge. There must be times when you keep your bridge drawn and have the opportunity to be alone or only with those to whom you feel close. Never allow yourself to become public property, where anyone can walk in and out at will. You might think that you are being generous in giving access to anyone who wants to enter or leave, but you will soon find yourself losing your soul.

When you claim for yourself the power over your drawbridge, you will discover new joy and peace in your heart and find yourself able to share that joy and peace with others.

__________

Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Inner Voice of Love: A Journey Through Anguish to Freedom (New York: Image Books Doubleday, 1998), 84-85.

This post is taken from Credendum. For the original post, go to: http://www.credendum.net/home/control-your-own-drawbridge

Relationships built on Power & Control

4/3/2014

This diagram is taken from the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project. It is often called The Duluth Model. Even though it is not blatantly from a Christian or other faith tradition, it offers much for how men, in particular Christian men, should not view marriage. I encourage you to download the pdf for this diagram. Just click on the wheel and you will receive that file.

At the center of abusive relationships are POWER and CONTROL. Abusive people, especially abusive men, have a need, often without their conscious awareness, to be in control. When men try to control women, they resort to using power. They use power in these eight categories:

1. Intimidation - making your wife afraid of you
2. Emotional abuse - making your wife feel bad about herself
3. Isolation - limiting your wife's involvement with others
4. Minimizing, denying, blaming - not taking your wife's concerns seriously
5. Children - using your children to relay messages
6. Male privilege - acting like "master of the castle"
7. Economic abuse - making all the financial decisions
8. Coercion and threats - making threats

You may not be physically violent to your wife, but I invite you to consider the subtle ways in which you use power to control her. If you ask, God's Holy Spirit will reveal to you where your are doing so. Remember God doesn't use force.

What does the Bible say about power and control?
- God has always had power & authority
- All power and authority is given to Jesus
- God's power is best displayed when we are weak
- As Christians, we have authority to overcome all the power of the enemy
- God's divine power has given us everything we need for holiness
- Salvation, glory and power belong to God
- Self-control, not the control of others, is a sign of a fruitful Christian

How do you compare to what the Bible says about power and control?
Do you have a marriage that displays God's power or your own power?
Do you try to control others or do you exhibit self-control?

Tomorrow, we will be discussing what equal relationships looks like.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

Does a Rigid View of God Cause Problems?

3/27/2014

Can you smoke and drink and still express allegiance to Christ?

Is church attendance necessary to the definition of “being like Christ?”

If you are a Christian, is it wrong to have more possessions than the poorest person in your community?

If a Christian commits suicide, will he/she go to hell?

Ask these questions to 10 different Christ followers and you might get 10 different answers, with each person convinced their view is correct. Fighting over questions such as these have caused divisions between friends and even church communities.

Especially in theology and worldview, Christians have the tendency to see things as black and white only. This causes us to draw lines of separation from those who believe differently. We make camp with those who think similarly and we wage wars against those who think differently. Every now and then, we will try to come up with a peace treaty. This is quickly abandoned, though, out of stubbornness with a dash of arrogance.

I do believe some things are black and white. One cannot read the Bible and not come to that conclusion. However, there are also things that aren’t so clearly laid out in the Bible. I wish everything were black and white, but it isn’t always so simple.

The Bible is as messy as it is neat. There are moments that God is very clear and then there are other moments that there is uncertainty on how to interpret a passage. There are moments when all of Christendom can unite on a topic and then there are moments that we divide because of different views. In 2008, there was an estimated 39,000 Christian denominations worldwide. By 2025, it is estimated that there will be 55,000 Christian denominations worldwide. Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary estimated that there is a new Christian denomination formed every 12 hours.

If it is all black and white, why is a new denomination forming every 12 hours? Within the 40,000 denominations (my estimate) that exist today, there are probably still divisions among what to believe about certain issues. Christendom is a mess. We have made finding Christ the most impossible maze.

The issue with an exclusively black and white theology is just this: the lines that we draw create a maze that makes finding Jesus impossible. We have Jesus at the center, but we haven’t put Him at the beginning. Instead of teaching people to walk with Jesus through difficult texts, beliefs and theologies, we teach them to go searching for the answers to all the side issues on their own in hopes of finding Jesus somewhere down the road. This causes confusion and frustration among people when they can’t seem to find Him. Exhausted, they give up or they create some version of Jesus that they think best fits their life. Then we have new churches popping up just because they want to do worship, preaching, community, mission and sacraments differently.

There is one, central truth that we should all agree upon: Jesus Christ is the Son of the Living God and through his life, death, burial and resurrection, God is reconciling the world to Himself. If you’re like me, you probably might think this is a good belief, but what do we do when we disagree with someone on something other than this? Here are some steps I think would be beneficial:

Seek conversations rather than debates.   If there is anything we can learn from the Ken Ham and Bill Nye debate, it is that debates really solve nothing. Each side walks away more convinced about why they are right and why the other side is wrong.

Conversations ask open-ended questions rather than questions that cause a forced answer. Conversations seek to listen rather than give a rebuttal.

Pray “I in them and You in Me, may they be brought to complete unity”  This is a prayer found in John 17 that I pray almost daily. It is a reminder that above all else, I need to seek unity in everything I do. Anytime I want to pick a fight with someone I see as crazier than me, I ask myself, “is this going to lead to unity?” Ask yourself that question before you decide to engage in a war with someone (under Christendom) who believes differently than you.

Operate from humility, not from expertise . As a Bible college student, most of the time I want to begin my answers with “let me tell you why you’re wrong.” I feel that because I have a four-year degree in Bible, that I am an expert that everyone needs to listen to.

But pursuit of truth never means that one has to be arrogant in beliefs. In reality, none of us are experts when it comes to God. We cannot get to a level where we know God enough to consider ourselves experts. So it is best to operate from humility; from a stance of “I could be wrong…”

I hope grace works. I hope that it covers what we get wrong. Even more, I hope that grace covers what we thought we got right. Because if it doesn't, we're all in big trouble.

It’s fine to discuss, but we need to consider if we’re really honoring God when we argue to the point of division. Life would be better if we stopped saying "I'm right." Life would be better if we stopped saying, "God told me this is the way it should be," or "from my studies, this is what I think we should believe on this issue." Because what happens if we are wrong on those side issues? What happens if the person who believes opposite of us is right? Maybe we are the ones that need to be changed and God is trying to use them to change us? Stop trying to martyr yourself on something that is not essential to the core message of the Gospel.

So if you find yourself arguing in an unhealthy way with a Christian brother or sister who believes differently than you do—someone who smokes, is divorced, supports gay marriage, is a democrat, speaks in tongues or whatever else—maybe you should just say “You still believe in the Christ? Let’s talk about the other things.”

Read more at http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/church/problem-rigid-view-god#HzezhGbPMc5c6Zwd.99

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

"When something turns on you, you kill it."

12/6/2013

Unfortunately, our time in Ecuador did not end as well as I wanted. I started hearing rumors among the missionary community that the pastor I worked with was abusive towards his wife. I couldn't believe it, he seemed like such a nice guy. He seemed to be kind and friendly. I had however noticed that his wife had bruises on her wrists at times.

I had some doubts about him before I heard these rumors. I knew that he kept a file on various people in the community as I came upon it accidentally one time in the church office. It was filled with comments and remarks about certain individuals and seemed kinda inappropriate coming from a pastor. Yet, I put it back and didn't say anything about it.

He also had several snakes he kept in his office that he had picked up from the Amazon while traveling back and forth there. I don't care for snakes but I don't think it's particularly unusual to have snakes for pets. What was strange, for me, was he would let them out and they would crawl around the office, often laying up on the window sill sunning themselves or chasing the many lizards that were available.

Thirdly, he didn't seem particularly friendly to Ecuadorians who would drop by the office. Some he would make fun of but usually he ushered them out of the office waiting area. I think that it was mainly because he hardly spoke Spanish, in spite of having lived there a number of years. That was really odd to me... Living in a country and not learning the language.

Finally, he told me about his Christmas sermon that he wrote. The subject was unusual, it was about how Satan was present during the birth of Christ. He told me that he wrote his sermon, almost automatically. He said that he put the pen in his hand and the words just seemed to flow out on to the paper, without him giving it much thought. I wondered what was the inspiration for the sermon.

Yet, I kept those four things to myself. I only talked to Karyn about them.

I finally decided that I needed to ask him about the rumors I was hearing about him being abusive. I was NOT accusing him. My mistake was that I should have confided in a board member and had a board member present when I spoke with him. As I told him what I heard, I could see him getting red in the face, his nostrils flared and his hands clenched. I thought he was going to hit me. He demanded that I tell him where I heard such horrible rumors and I told him that I wouldn't tell him but that I thought he deserved to know that people were saying such things about him.

I thought that was the end of it, I believed that possibly, those rumors weren't true. However, the next morning, my suspicions were confirmed. When I got to the office, he was standing at his office window laughing at an Ecuadorian woman who was going thru the church trash. He was laughing because all of a sudden, she jumped and ran off. I asked him what was so funny. He said, "I had to kill one of my snakes because he bit me and I had him in the trash there. She found it and it scared her. Being raised on a farm, I learned early that when something turns on you, you kill it." Then he had a big grin on his face. I left his office and went to my office to think about what just happened. The timing was unmistakable. I decided to write a letter to my missions board letting them know what was going on. In less than a week, I got a reply, "We think it's better you just come home."

When I told this pastor that my missions board was calling us back early, he said, "don't think that means that you can play. You still have a lot of people to see here. If you have an appointment or not, I want you sitting in that office." I protested as this was new behavior. Before, he said if I didn't have appointments, I could go home to Karyn and the boys. Yet, I did comply. It was difficult as we had to make plans to move back to the States and that required some coordination with Karyn and we needed to get rid of things in our apartment that we wouldn't take back with us. Nevertheless, because I'm married to such a capable spouse, we managed to successfully move and were gone within a month.

Once we got back in the States, I heard that he got transferred to another church in the US and there he experienced a divorce. I don't know the particulars and I was saddened to hear it. I was saddened because that showed that his marriage was troubled. If he could have confided in me, I could have possibly helped him save his marriage. I really liked his wife and his children and him. I can imagine that this divorce was very disruptive to his family and probably ended his career as an ordained minister. I haven't heard since the divorce what happened to him or his family but I still pray that God would move in his life so that he experiences true forgiveness and reconciliation.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

One in 10 young Americans have committed sexual violence

10/15/2013

Nearly one in ten young Americans has committed an act of sexual violence, a new study in the journal JAMA Pediatrics reports. Of the 1,058 teenagers and young adults, ages 14 to 21, who participated in the online study, 8% reported that they had kissed, touched, or “made someone else do something sexual” when they “knew the person did not want to.” Three percent of teens verbally coerced a victim into sex; 3% attempted to physically force them into sex; 2% perpetrated a completed rape.

It’s long been apparent that teenagers face an elevated risk for sexual abuse. One 1998 study found that 12% of high school girls and 5% of boys have been sexually abused; a 1997 study found that girls ages 16 to 19 are “four times more likely than the general population to be victims of rape, attempted rape, or sexual assault." But this new report sheds light on the demographics, tactics, and attitudes of young sex offenders. One finding in particular stands out: The prototypical teen sexual abuser is a white male from a higher-income family.

Here’s what else the study found:

Demographics: Most perpetrators committed their first act of sexual violence at age 16. Boys are more likely to coerce or force others into sex than girls are (though girls offend, too). White kids and higher-income kids are slightly more likely to rape than their peers. Eighty percent of victims were girls; 18 percent were boys; 5 percent were transgender.

Pornography use: Teens who had watched porn were more likely to be perpetrators, but the discrepancy was “almost entirely explained by whether the material was violent in nature.” Teens who had seen non-violent pornography were equally likely to have committed sexual violence as teens who had seen none, but those who had watched material that “depicted one person hurting another person while doing something sexual” were more likely to be offenders (the study doesn't address causality).

Relationships: In every case, the victim was known to the perpetrator. Fifty-two percent met their victim at school. Three out of four perpetrators targeted a “boyfriend or girlfriend.” Two percent met online.

Tactics: Thirty-two percent of perpetrators argued or pressured another person into sex; 63 percent guilted them into it; 5 percent threatened physical force, and 8 percent used it. Fifteen percent employed alcohol.

Consequences: In 66 percent of cases, “no one found out” about the incident, and the perpetrator faced no consequences. Twenty-nine percent of perpetrators were found out, but were not punished. Eleven percent “got in trouble with their parents.” Just 2 percent—one perpetrator found by the study—was arrested. Seven percent of offenders said they felt “not at all responsible” for the sexual violence; 35 percent felt “completely” responsible; 48 percent felt “somewhat” responsible. Fifty percent felt that their victim was “completely” responsible. (Yes, the overlap confuses us as well.)

The study challenges several popular assumptions about teen sexual violence. Girls can be abusers, and boys can be victims. The study's authors suggest that in light of the findings on race and income, healthcare professionals "assess and perhaps challenge our assumptions about sexual violence as an ill solely conscripted to underprivileged populations." And given the significant proportion of crimes that were discovered but not reported—and the percentage of parents who took care of punishment in their own homes—the study speaks to the opportunity for peers, educators, and caretakers to take action when they discover that a young person in their lives has victimized another. The low percentage of punishment and the high percentage of perpetrators who blame their victims is not a heartening mix.

This post was written by A Hess. For the original post, go to: http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2013/10/08/one_in_10_young_americans_has_committed_sexual_violence_new_study_finds.html

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

Fleeing prostitution

5/3/2013

A local woman's life took a turn for the worse when she encountered an escort service.

The couple who ran the escort service took her in, and the man became her pimp.

At first, he offered protection and fed her drug habit. He groomed her with a dream of money and security. She sold sex at ritzy parties and rode in flashy cars around the Puget Sound region.

Eventually, the pimp brainwashed her into submission and ruled every aspect of her life. He collected all of her earnings and kept track of her whereabouts at all times via cellphone.

If she failed to earn a daily quota of $1,500, she was beaten and humiliated. He would urinate on her. He whipped her with an electrical cord.

"That was his way of showing me this is just the beginning of what will happen," said the woman, who requested anonymity for this story out of fear the pimp could retaliate. "I was more afraid of the pimp than the johns."

The pimp found customers (known as johns) through the internet, Craigslist and alt-weekly papers. Her earnings paid for a house in SeaTac for the pimp and his wife. Thousands of dollars in tricks paid for hotel rooms around the Puget Sound region, including Federal Way and the infamous Aurora Avenue in Seattle. She also worked to pay back the cost of those ads, or pay back bail money if she went to jail.

The johns hailed from all walks of life. Some johns reviewed her services online. Johns would ask for particular kind of girls, which was useful information for pimps.

"I had wigs," she said. "Sometimes they'd say, 'I want a blonde.'"

In a typical transaction, the prostitute took care of business with a john while the pimp waited in an adjacent hotel room to collect the money and monitor the time.

The lifestyle left the woman with no choice but to hustle for more money, or face the wrath of her pimp. She recruited other women into the lifestyle to shoulder some of the workload when johns were seeking services at the same time. Several sessions with johns doubled as drug deals. Pimps pressured women to exploit naive customers with blackmail, for example, such as threatening to tell a john's wife unless he paid hush money.

In total, she had eight prostitution arrests on her record, including an undercover bust in Federal Way. Abused as a child, she was walking Pacific Highway in search of paying customers by age 15. Drugs like heroin became a way to numb herself and cope with the streets, where she had sex to survive.

"I had to be high," she said. "I had to feel nothing."

In a twist of fate, a heroin overdose inadvertently marked the turning point in reclaiming her life. While she was hospitalized, the pimp was jailed after a violent spree in search of her.

She formed relationships with people who empowered her. Now in her mid-thirties, she is no longer a victim, but a survivor. She is married. She lives clean and sober with a career in the mental health field. She regained custody of her three children from foster care, and now helps other mothers in similar situations. She hopes to see more reforms in the child welfare system to ensure that youth avoid these abusive relationships.

"My thanks goes to God for sending a man who was a defender of women," she said, referring to Nick Lembo, who with his wife, Jo, provided a support outlet through Overcomer Covenant Church in Auburn.

"The more eyes and ears on the ground," said Jo Lembo, "the smaller a pimp's world gets."

Ending demand

A grass-roots movement is under way to end the demand for prostitution, which is tangled in a web of pornography and cultural attitudes.

Prostitution has shifted away from the typical streetwalkers. Nowadays, johns arrange meetings online. Federal Way Police Chief Brian Wilson said officers can put an ad on Craigslist, meet with a potential john and make an arrest, all in a span of two hours.

In 2012, there were 12 prostitution-related investigations in Federal Way, Wilson said, with nine of those initiated by police and one involving a 15-year-old girl.

"It's much more underground now," Wilson said during a forum on human trafficking Jan. 9 at City Hall. "This is not a Federal Way issue. It's a regional issue."

According to the former prostitute whose story was told above, the deck is stacked against police. An officer must witness a transaction before making an arrest. When police arrest one prostitute, her pimp will find a replacement and take business to another part of the region.

"There's not much the police can do," said the woman, suggesting a solution for ending demand: spread awareness among youth.

One place to start is by reshaping the perceptions young men have toward women. Some argue the negative influence of pornography on the male sexual identity, including the accompanying message of objectifying women leads to the creation of unrealistic expectations from sex.

While there is nothing wrong with sex, young men need to be educated on how to use and understand it, according to Nick Lembo from Defenders and Shared Hope International.

"Sex is the most powerful stimulant and bonding agent on the planet," he said at the Federal Way forum. "We need to teach men to respect, honor and understand women and build wholesome relationships."

Peter Qualliotine, co-founder of Organization for Prostitution Survivors, said a boy's average age of exposure to pornography is 9. Prostitution and pornography are inseparable, he said at the Federal Way forum, and "one does not exist without the other."

The key to overcoming this obstacle, he said, is to teach young men to eroticize the mutual and consensual parts of sex, instead of the objectified images found in porn.

This post was written by Andy Hobbs. For the original article, go to: http://www.federalwaymirror.com/news/187019821.html

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

Is your marriage messed up?

3/13/2013

This diagram is taken from the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project. It is often called The Duluth Model. Even though it is not blatantly from a Christian or other faith tradition, it offers much for how men, in particular Christian men, should not view marriage. I encourage you to download the pdf for this diagram. Just click on the wheel and you will receive that file.

At the center of abusive relationships are POWER and CONTROL. Abusive people, especially abusive men, have a need, often without their conscious awareness, to be in control. When men try to control women, they resort to using power. They use power in these eight categories:

1. Intimidation - making your wife afraid of you
2. Emotional abuse - making your wife feel bad about herself
3. Isolation - limiting your wife's involvement with others
4. Minimizing, denying, blaming - not taking your wife's concerns seriously
5. Children - using your children to relay messages
6. Male privilege - acting like "master of the castle"
7. Economic abuse - making all the financial decisions
8. Coercion and threats - making threats

You may not be physically violent to your wife, but I invite you to consider the subtle ways in which you use power to control her. If you ask, God's Holy Spirit will reveal to you where your are doing so. Remember God doesn't use force.

What does the Bible say about power and control?
- God has always had power & authority
- All power and authority is given to Jesus
- God's power is best displayed when we are weak
- As Christians, we have authority to overcome all the power of the enemy
- God's divine power has given us everything we need for holiness
- Salvation, glory and power belong to God
- Self-control, not the control of others, is a sign of a fruitful Christian

How do you compare to what the Bible says about power and control?
Do you have a marriage that displays God's power or your own power?
Do you try to control others or do you exhibit self-control?

Tomorrow, we will be discussing what a TERRIFIC MARRIAGE looks like.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

Porn makes me feel powerful

12/28/2012

I must admit that addressing this topic has been very challenging. While I have a very clear understanding of the role that control plays in my addiction, it was more difficult for me to connect with it’s specific role when I watch porn. However, after much introspection and conversation with friends I can now make a more direct connection. I am very grateful to the XXX Church for assigning me this topic and for the journey that followed as a result.

On the surface, the relationship between control and watching porn is very easy: I control what, when and where I act out. I pick the fantasy. I can hop to one scene or another and best of all, I face no risk of rejection. I am in total control!! But so what......I’m also in total control if I jump behind the wheel of a car and drive head first into a brick wall. I’m may be in control but at what cost? I kidded myself for a long time thinking that I wasn’t hurting myself or those around me when I watched porn, but boy was I wrong. As I dug deeper, I had to ask myself what I was really trying to control when I watched porn? And what damage was I doing to myself, my loved ones and my relationship with God?

So what am I really trying to control? In speaking with a good friend in recovery, we agreed that we are not only trying to control the situation, but we are also trying to control how the need will be met. Keep in mind that sex is not bad. In fact God has made us sexual beings and has given us ways for our sexual needs to be met. However I often foolishly default to “my way is better than God’s way” and substitute a surrogate pleasure (porn) for this need to be met. But the real need is not sex, it is intimacy. Somewhere along the way I told myself what I consider to be “the great lie: that sex = intimacy.” This one false belief has led me down many a lonesome and troubling paths.

So let’s look at the second question above and how is my relationship with God is affected. When I try to exert control over my life rather than trusting God, am I not really worshiping a false idol? I’m really saying, “this thing that I’m worshiping (porn) will solve all of my problems? Watching porn, medicating my feelings and controlling my environment is much better than turning to God and asking for his guidance?!” Seeing it in writing really points out how crazy this thinking is. Keep in mind that the bible is very clear on worshiping false idols. In Colossians 3:5 Paul defines idolatry as “sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed” and we also know that the first commandment prohibits Idolatry: “You shall have no other gods before me.” I’ve always thought of false idols as simply the “golden calf”. But when I expand my thinking it encompasses anything I worship: Money, power, prestige, career.........and yes porn. So one of the major consequences of watching porn and therefore worshiping false gods is the pain and dysfunction that consequently poisons my life and my relationships, including with God. Sadly, one lesson I just can’t seem to master is that placing my trust in God is always a better solution than trusting my own devices.

So to summarize, it is merely an illusion to think that porn makes me feel all-powerful/like I’m in control. The reality is that I am far from in control of what is important: realizing intimate relationships with my loved ones and with God. Choosing porn takes me farther away from reality. Choosing healthy intimate interactions with my loved ones brings me closer to God.

This honest post was written by Jim MC from XXX Church. The original post with comments can be found here: http://www.xxxchurch.com/men/porn-makes-me-feel-all-powerful-like-im-in-control.html

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

Getting into trouble

12/14/2012

Is it appropriate to reveal a long held hidden secret in this type of blog? I am not sure, but today I am going to do just that. This secret is one that my brother and I have been holding on to since the late 80’s. In fact, he may object to the fact that I am revealing this secret. Okay, here it goes…

When we were younger, my brother and I were playing in the field behind our house. Like normal boys who didn’t listen to the voice of reason (and ironically had a firefighter for a father), after jumping ramps with our bikes we became bored and decided to light small things on fire (leaves, trash, etc). Well as you could imagine this got out of hand quickly and soon a large fire erupted and engulfed a significant portion of the field. The next few minutes felt like an eternity. All we had were cardboard boxes that we had brought some things in so we thought it would be a great idea to somehow try to put the fire out with these boxes. This was a bad idea. Eventually, after kicking sand on the fire everything was fine. From then on we vowed to not reveal our secret until we were adults and were guaranteed not to get in trouble.

We are brothers, so you already know that we used this event to blackmail each other, and force each other to do the other’s chores. All we had to do was look at each other and say “I will tell Mom and Dad about the matches”…and all arguments would cease. The truth was always kept hidden to control the other sibling.

As humans, our tendency in life is to attempt to make our situation look better than it is. We try to hide or even ignore the truth when it is inconvenient because we feel like people will look down on us or we will even get “in trouble” if we are transparent.

If all truth belongs to God then it stands to reason that living a life that embraces truth will lead to blessing. Doing the right thing will never return void…it may hurt at first, but it will always benefit.

Trust in God today. Do what is right.

More tomorrow...

This post was written by Rev DeCrastos. You can find the original post here:
http://otherwordsdotnet.wordpress.com/2012/09/29/getting-in-trouble/

Where do you find this stuff?

10/8/2012

Last week was anti-porn week here at Ironstrikes. I hope that you were able to read about the five topics:

1. Porn and sexual satisfaction
2. Porn and fake relationships
3. Porn and women
4. Porn and cruelty
5. Porn is insidious

Readers have asked about the Zillman-Bryant study from which these five posts were taken. In the early 1980s, Dr. Doll Zillmann of Indiana University and Dr. Jennings Bryant of the University of Alabama wondered whether continued exposure to video pornography had any impact on people's sexual beliefs and their attitudes towards women. For their experiment, 80 male and 80 female college-age participants were divided into three subgroups, and each group was shown 4 hours and 48 minutes of media.

1. The first group, the “Massive Exposure Group,” was shown 36 non-violent pornographic films over a six-week period.

2. The second group, the “Intermediate Exposure Group,” was exposed to 18 pornographic films and 18 regular films over a six-week period.

3. The third (control) group, the “No Exposure Group,” was shown 36 non-pornographic movies over a six--week period

You may be saying, "that is an old study, what relevance does it have to today?"

At a 2011 conference, Dr. Mary Anne Layden commented about Zillmann and Bryant’s 25-year-old research. “When this study was done, what was called the ‘Massive Exposure Group" -- seeing five hours of porn over a six-week period -- "I now call that the Friday Afternoon Group."

Her statement is far from an exaggeration. A recent survey of 29,000 people at North American universities, shows 51% of men and 16% of women spend up to five hours per week online for sexual purposes, and another 11% of men spend anywhere from five to twenty hours per week. What used to be “massive” exposure is now common practice.

Furthermore, the Internet has not only increased the public’s exposure to porn, but has also changed the way it is consumed. Dr. Jill Manning believes Zillmann and Bryant’s findings have greater applicability in the modern age because Internet porn tends to be more interactive and consumer-driven. Viewers can select exactly who and what they want to see, custom-tailored to their greatest specifications.

This week, I will be giving four solid tips in helping to curb your vulnerability to porn.

This post is taken from the booklet, YOUR BRAIN ON PORN by Luke Gilkerson. The booklet can be found at: http://www.covenanteyes.com/brain-ebook/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.