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What my dad taught me about death

6/17/2015

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My dad is a pastor.  He is my first pastor.  He is my longest pastor.  He is the pastor that I know most well.  I know the fruit of his pastorate.  In fact, I am the result of his pastoring.  His faithfulness to God, his calling and to his parishioners has made a deep, profound impact on my life.  I am grateful.  I consider myself fortunate to be in his family.  


Being in a pastor's family comes with meeting other pastors, meeting evangelists and missionaries as well.  It also comes with meeting funeral directors and people who are grieving.  I came to see that one of the terrific things about being a pastor is impacting people at very key points in their lives:  births, baby dedications, hospitalizations, marriages, funerals, etc.  During these key times, many people are open to being helped and are very open to the things of God.  


I remember sometimes, my father would have me help him.  As young boy I wanted to do what I could to show my dad I loved him and would enjoy when he asked me to help him.  (Of course not always, there were times that I didn't obey my parents well.)  I remember helping him with several funerals.  One time, in particular, he told me to go to the casket and feel the person to experience what a dead person felt like.  I don't recall being scared, I had been taught that was just the shell, that the real person, who lived inside, was not there.  I reached into the casket and touched the person's hand.  It was hard and cold.  It didn't feel like a person who was alive.  He told me, "look at his legs, how they are stretched out and he has shoes on.  He's dressed nice so that people will remember him looking handsome."  I recall my father listening intently to the mourners, praying with them and being friendly with them.  He was there when people need comfort.  He was there when people usually are most receptive to looking at their own mortality.  He was there when many people want to talk about God.  


What did I learn from my dad about death?    


Death is a time where we can be of help to people.  People need us to be there for them.  They don't need to be ignored during the time of loss.  Death is not to be feared.  What really matters is the person's soul.  Death can be a time when the mourners are making important decisions about how they want to live.

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What my grandmother taught me about death

6/16/2015

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Yesterday, I shared a story about how my grandmother taught me of the ills of pornography.  Today, I want to share three short occurrences where my grandmother taught me about death...  


I remember one time I was visiting her and her parakeet died while I was there.  This was the first time I remember experiencing death.  She found a large match box and filled it with with crumpled toilet paper and she had me place the bird inside.  It was cold and rigid.  We went out to the backyard and she had some kids my age from the block that she lived on meet us there.  She gave me a shovel and had me dig a whole and we placed the matchbox with the bird in the ground.  Then she asked me to pray.  I did.  And that was it.  I think she gave a cookie to everybody who was there.


Another time when I was visiting, she told me that she didn't have any good food in the house for lunch and that there was a woman that died and if we put on nice clothes and went to the church where the funeral was being held, we could get some good food.  She said she didn't know the woman but when we got into the service, I remember her crying (almost hysterically, kind of like she was acting) and that it was supposed to be a very somber scene but I had a hard time taking my Grandmother seriously.  Later she told me that she was just crying so that people wouldn't think she didn't know the person who died.  I remember seeing a table full of desserts and I got to eat my fill.  It was yummy.  Looking back, I think she did know the woman.  She lived in a very small rural town.


The last thing my grandmother taught me about death was her own.  I feel fortunate that I got to be with her when she died.  


She and my grandfather moved in with us (my father, mother and myself) and had been living with us for a while.  I really liked having them in our home.  I was in my teens but not driving yet.  One day, she fell and hurt herself.  It seemed her health deteriorated rapidly that day.  She spent the day in bed and my grandpa laid in bed with her.  I was in there talking to her and she said, "It's my time to go.  I need to make room for somebody who is being born."  That was the last thing I remember her saying.  Her funeral didn't stand out in my mind as much as what she taught me in these occurrences.


What did I learn from my grandmother?  


1)  I learned that death was just a matter of life.  All things die, nothing lasts forever.  
2)  Funerals often come with some really good food.  So don't avoid funerals.  Death does have some benefits (for others).
3)  And lastly, death needs to be faced head on, be prepared because you never know when your last day may arrive.  But be nice about it.  Make room for others who are coming after you.  Your own death doesn't have to be a big show.


What have you learned about death and who were the people that taught you about death?


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Sunday Meditation

10/27/2013

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The Church often wounds us deeply.  People with religious authority often wound us by their words, attitudes, and demands.  Precisely because our religion brings us in touch with the questions of life and death, our religious sensibilities can get hurt most easily.   Ministers and priests seldom fully realize how a critical remark, a gesture of rejection, or an act of impatience can be remembered for life by those to whom it is directed.

There is such an enormous hunger for meaning in life, for comfort and consolation, for forgiveness and reconciliation, for restoration and healing, that anyone who has any authority in the Church should constantly be reminded that the best word to characterize religious authority is compassion.   



Let's keep looking at Jesus whose authority was expressed in compassion.


Written by Henri Nouwen:  http://www.henrinouwen.org

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.


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Dying well

7/17/2013

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Death is a topic that few of us care to think about, but in my current study of John Wesley’s theology of death, I find myself contemplating the subject on a daily basis. Some people would view this as unhealthy or perhaps even neurotic; however, I stand among good company if I consider earlier generations of the church. For centuries, the ars moriendi tradition held a prominent place in the life of believers. The ars moriendi (or “art of dying”) was a body of literature that helped Christians prepare for death. Although practice of the ars moriendi was beginning to fade during Wesley’s era, he discovered the riches of the tradition by reading Jeremy Taylor’s book, The Rule and Exercises of Holy Dying.  Wesley’s mediation of the art of dying was so successful that the early Methodists were known for their “good deaths.” A physician who treated several Methodists made the claim to Charles Wesley, “Most people die for fear of dying; but, I never met with such people as yours. They are none of them afraid of death, but [are] calm, and patient, and resigned to the last.”

What did John Wesley and the early Methodists know that allowed them to die with such grace and assurance? First, Wesley faced the reality of death. We live in a death denying culture.  Not only does death tend to be a taboo subject, but we isolate ourselves from the sick and dying. Most of us find it relatively easy to ignore our own mortality until tragedy strikes close to home. Wesley, however, sought out the dying because he desired not only to help them in their final days, but he wanted to learn from those who were going through the dying process. In his journal, Wesley recorded the following sentiment, “Here I found E- R- weaker and happier than ever. Her life seemed spun out to the last thread. I spent half an hour with her, to teach her, at once, and learn of her, to die.”

Furthermore, Wesley realized that ignoring death cheats us of the opportunity to examine the condition of our soul and to attain peace with God. “Do you never think about [death]?”  he asked in his address titled, “A Word to an Unhappy Woman.” “Why do you not? Are you never to die? Nay, it is appointed for all men to die. And what comes after? Only heaven or hell. Will the not thinking of death, put it farther off? No; not a day; not one hour.” Contemplating the end of our earthly existence allows us time to examine our standing with God in a focused and honest way. To leave such matters until the very end of life unnecessarily burdens the dying process with uncertainty and anxiety.

Most importantly, Wesley knew the secret to dying well was living well.  Keeping our end in view reminds us that life is a precious gift from God and should not be squandered on penultimate pursuits.  Wesley admonished his followers,

"You have no time to lose; see that you redeem every moment that remains. Remove everything out of the way, be it ever so small… that might anyways obstruct your lowliness and meekness, your seriousness of spirit, your single intention to glorify God, in all your thoughts and words and actions."

Those who fully invest their lives in the pursuit of glorifying God have nothing to fear from death; rather death becomes yet another opportunity for the grace of God to be made manifest.

The Spirit of God was so clearly evident in the deaths of the Methodists that Wesley regularly published various accounts of deathbed scenes to encourage believers in the faith. A common theme among these accounts was this: the manner in which the Methodists died was simply a continuation of the way they had conducted their lives. Reflecting on the death of William Green, a steadfast believer who trusted God through the storms of life, Wesley mused, “He died, as he lived, in the full assurance of faith, praising God with his latest breath.” Of another believer Wesley penned, “She was a woman of faith and prayer; in life and death adorning the doctrine of God her Saviour.”

Just as learning the “art” of any worthwhile craft takes time and effort, so the art of dying well requires our full attention. This does not mean we become fatalistic or develop an unhealthy fixation on death.  Rather, as believers, we abide in the knowledge that a good death is a culmination of a life lived for the glory of God – no matter what the length of that life may be.

The same gifts and graces that enabled Wesley and the early Methodists to lead victorious lives and die triumphant deaths are available to us today. In “An Earnest Appeal to Men of Reason and Religion” Wesley declared,

"What religion do I preach? The religion of love; the law of kindness brought to light by the gospel. What is this good for? To make all who receive it enjoy God and themselves: To make them like God; lovers of all; contented in their lives; and crying out at their death, in calm assurance, ‘O grave, where is thy victory! Thanks be unto God, who giveth me the victory, through my Lord Jesus Christ.’"

Let us also be marked by a “religion of love” so that in living and dying we may bear witness to the vibrant hope of redemption found only in Christ—a hope that transcends even the grave.



This post was written by Chris Johnson on the Seedbed blog.  For the original post go to:  http://seedbed.com/feed/dying-well-according-to-john-wesley/


BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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