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Becoming clean

12/5/2013

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Having accepted a counseling assignment for two years in a South American country, I met an interesting man.  In his broken English, he confessed, "I like dirty women."  

This man was a gynecologist, very educated and finally coming to the realization that he had a terrible problem.  In English, dirty can mean several things.  However, in Spanish, he was very clear.  He used the word, "sucia."  "Sucia" means physically dirty, unwashed.  He continued with other clear words, "Indigenas, indias, mujeres sucias..."    Translated, those words mean, "indigenous, indians, dirty women..."  He was talking about a people group that were indigenous in that area:  women from the Quechua people.  These people are typically considered lower class by those who don't have indian blood.  

Being educated and of Spanish descent, he considered himself to be superior to these people.  That was his quandary.  "Why do I like dirty women? I'm not attracted to pure blood women."  He went on to explain that he would sexually use some of his patients, but only the Quechua women.  He felt an attraction to women that he was not supposed to be attracted to, kinda like forbidden fruit.  He soothed his conscience by believing that he was only having sex with women who were beneath his station in life.  These people were essentially worthless in his mind.

He would trade his gynecological services for sexual favors with his patients.  He found that many times, he would not be refused because these women were poor and did not feel good about themselves.  "They couldn't say no because no one thinks they are attractive.  I flatter them..."

So, you can see this man has a terrible sin problem.  Actually, more than one.  Just to name a few:  1) prejudice, 2) sexism, 3) racism, 4) elitism, 5) compulsions, 6) fornication, etc...  Just plain sinfulness.  

As his story unfolded, he also revealed that he was addicted to marijuana, alcohol and painkillers.  Being a physician, he had no difficulty affording and obtaining these substances, especially when he would trade his gynecological services for these substances.  

He was raised in an environment with a very strong mother and a father who had abandoned him.   As we delved further into his upbringing, he noted that he was brought into sex early when his mother paid for a prostitute "to teach him how to be a man" as his father wasn't doing a good job at raising him.   He recalled his first sexual encounter at age eight with repeated exposure, at his mother's insistence, until he left for college at age sixteen.

In spite of his medical and financial success, this man knew that he was doomed.  "My soul is on the way to hell..."  Fortunately, this gentleman was receptive to God's working in his life.  He came for help because he had heard that hell was a place that he did not want to go.  As I was unable to follow this man due to not being around long enough to help him, I was able to hand him off to a pastor.  This pastor told him about God's redemptive power and discipled him.  He became very much like Zaccheus.  He repented of his sinful behavior and attempted to make restitution as best he could.  

This man's story teaches us that we are not doomed by the sins of our parents, doomed because we had a bad upbringing or doomed because we have abused people.  There is always room for God's offer of salvation.  It is never too late to do the right thing.

Is your life like this man's?  Or do you think that he is beneath you?  
In what kind of sin do you find yourself involved?  
It is never too late to do the right thing.  

If God can change this man, he can change you.

How bout it?

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.


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Sunday Meditation

12/1/2013

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If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.

It is easy to judge other people. Judgmentalism and blame come naturally to us. Other people's faults and failures are not difficult to identify. Many of us can remember a time in our lives when throwing the first stone was not just easy - it was what we thought good Christians were supposed to do.

One of the most dramatic changes which takes place early in the recovery process is an increase in self-awareness. We begin to see patterns in our own lives that need changing. We see our own self destructive tendencies. We see how we have brought pain to others. As these insights dawn on us, we begin to lay down our stones.

Of course, as our self-awareness increases, many of us attempt to refocus the blame and judgmentalism from others onto ourselves. We can blame and judge ourselves as ruthlessly as we may once have blamed and judged others. But it's not really progress in recovery to give up throwing stones. . and then start banging our heads against a stone wall.

Judgmentalism and blame are not helpful in recovery. What makes recovery possible is when increased self-awareness leads to an increased capacity to experience forgiveness. Gradually we learn to accept forgiveness from God and others. We receive mercy. As a result, we begin to treat ourselves and others with mercy.

It is increased self-awareness and the humility which self-awareness makes possible that are the soil in which true community can grow. When we accept ourselves as humans even though we struggle and sometimes fail, we can become far more gentle with ourselves and with others.

Lord, you know how quick I have been to throw stones.
Thank you for the self awareness that has allowed me to see more clearly that 
I am not without sin.
I know that I am in need of forgiveness.
Give me the courage to accept your forgiveness and mercy
and in this way begin to live in true community


Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan
National Association for Christian Recovery




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What would it be like?

11/9/2013

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I keep thinking about a world that's different
than what I'm seeing everyday
I keep waiting for a new tomorrow
when all the pain's gonna fade away

I want to know if it's even possible
the river's crossable
to the other side
where we live a better life



What would it be like
if we learned to love each other
and what would it be like if we lived like we believe
that everybody matters
'cuz we're all here together
and we all need each other
to make it through this life
What would it be like?
What would it be like?

No tears from a worried mother
and No cry from a hungry child
No fear of a runaway father 
leaving the broken family behind
And everything wasn't all about money
and chasin' the money
No we're losin our minds
Is it really worth our time?

What would it be like
if we learned to love each other
and what would it be like if we lived like we believe
that everybody matters
'cuz we're all here together
and we all need each other
to make it through this life
What would it be like 
if we turned our eyes to Jesus?
And if we let his love pour through us?
And if we let his life just lead us?
That's the only way we will ever see the world start to change

What would it be like?

What would it be like
if we learned to love each other
and what would it be like if we lived like we believe
that everybody matters
and we're all here together
and we all need each other
to make it through this life
What would it be like...
What would it be like...
What would it be like...
What would it be like...? 


This is a terrific song by Salvador off their album Aware.  For the youtube video, go here:  
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mR73WcxzdP0


BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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Am I a subtle elitist?

11/5/2013

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One of the things that is exciting about being involved in a church plant is the influx of new people coming to know Jesus, seeing miraculous things happening and being energized by new Christians.  It is absolutely thrilling when a person who previously didn't regard Christ as his/her Savior experiences a life-changing decision.  It boosts my faith when these people "who don't know better" really believe that God can do anything.

Having been a Christian for over 40 years, I think that I got this Christian thing down.  I can easily become complacent and lazy.  Yet, these new Christians are an inspiration.  They remind me of how I need to rely more on Christ and less on myself. 

I was in a small group from our church and we were praying for these new people.  I was struck by a thought that I am sure came from God.  I remember thinking, "you don't really believe that these new Christians are gonna make it, do you?"  It was difficult for me to admit that to myself.  But I sensed a further prompting, "tell these people in your small group what you have been thinking."  So I said, "this is hard to say but I'm gonna say it.  I have to confess to the sin of pride, of elitisim.  These new people that we have been praying would come to our church, I have been thinking that they wouldn't last.  That they aren't really gonna make this Christian thing work for them. I've been thinking that they will never be as good of a Christian as I am."  Now, I would like to say that my statements changed somebody but these statements only changed me. 

I am glad that I was brave enough to say out loud what I have been thinking for a while.  It was difficult but humbling.  I didn't experience any condemnation from my small group friends but rather an open discussion about attitudes and how we need to allow God's Holy Spirit to change us from the inside out.

I was thinking about my comments and my attitudes a little later, and I had another thought,
"If these new Christians don't make it, you will be partly to blame.  It is up to you to offer encouragement, discipleship, friendship and support." 

That's one of the many things that I like about the Holy Spirit.  He's direct, to the point and doesn't just blast away at me.  He's sees something that needs to be corrected and all I have to do is listen, trust and obey.  



I'm glad that after being a Christian for all these years, that God hasn't stopped with molding me into the image of Christ. 

If I'm honest and humble, He will do just that.  

He will do the same for you.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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Am I a subtle racist?

11/4/2013

2 Comments

 
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I saw this guy walking down the street and I reached over and locked my passenger door.  I had taken this route many times but for some reason, I sensed that I needed to be extra careful.  I was a good ½ block behind him and as I drove up next to him, he looked over at me and I noticed that he was an African-American.  


I initially didn’t think anything of my behavior, but later as I was reflecting on my day, I sensed the Holy Spirit speaking to me about my behavior.  “Why did you lock the door?  You weren’t in any danger.  That young man wasn’t posing any threat.” 

I thought about what I did.  How did I know that the young man was African-American?  And why was my automatic response to lock my passenger door?  As much as I would like to think that I am open-minded and not prejudiced, it was apparent that my fear of people who aren’t like me runs deep. 

Recently, I was privileged to speak with a bright, articulate, young African-American male and I told him about my experience.  His response was that he notices that people do that to him.  “I get on an elevator and white women clutch their purses, like I’m some kinda thief.  It’s really irritating.  I dress professionally, keep good care of myself and am friendly but I get those kinds of reactions.  It’s irritating and a bit angering.”  With this young male was a young African-American female.  She said that we were too hard on ourselves, that in both of those situations she would have acted as I did and how the ladies on the elevator did.  She stated that it had more to do with being a female than fearing someone’s race. 
“I make sure that my purse is not on the front seat and my doors are locked when I am driving thru a place that has people walking, it doesn’t matter what their race or ethnicity is.”

Ok.  Maybe we can excuse a woman doing those things but it doesn’t answer the nagging in my soul of why did I lock my door?  It wasn’t locked earlier when there were people walking but when I saw this particular man, I did lock my door. 
I don’t remember thinking, “there’s an African-American male, I better lock my door so that I could be safe.” 

Somewhere, buried deep within my subconscious, my mind perceived a threat and I wonder if my mind perceived that the threat was an African-American male.  That’s the question I can’t answer.  I don’t want the answer to be that I am subtly a racist but it makes me wonder. 

I so much want all my actions towards others to be like Christ.  So, in my conversation with the Holy Spirit, all I could say was,
“I don’t know why I locked the door, but LORD, please purify me. Reveal to me my sin of racism.  Cleanse me from anything that would represent oppression, fear, racism, elitism help me to be a holy representative of You."

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.


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Lady Gaga and Jesus

8/30/2013

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When you set up a twitter account, you’re supposed to give a brief description of yourself that’s viewable for the public eye.  My description states, “I blog about my journey as a missional funeral director. I’m the last person to let you down in Parkesburg, PA.”

Lady Gaga’s used to state, “Mother Monster.”

Queer theorist Michael Warner writes,

“Queer is by definition whatever is at odds with the normal, the legitimate, the dominant. There is nothing in particular to which it necessarily refers. It is an identity without an essence. ‘Queer’ then, demarcates not a positivity but a positionality vis-à-vis the normative.”

Lady Gaga is the embodiment of Queer Theory, not necessarily in her sexuality, but by her identification and normalization of “whatever is at odds with the normal.“

A quick scroll through her nearly 40 million twitter followers shows that most of them are “weird”, they are “the rejected” and the “monsters.”  The kind of people that would walk through the doors of a church and be sneered at by the onlookers.

Many flock to her as their “mother monster” because she accepts, even normalizes the weirdness

the queerness

she embraces those who feel that they’re not apart of the “normal”

people that are broken

not whole

not legitimate

that are, in some ways, monsters.

People like … me.

Most churches would hate her.  Most churches would hate her followers.  They either couldn’t see past the lifestyle, couldn’t see past the way they dress or couldn’t see past the philosophy.

But not Jesus.  In fact, a quick look at Jesus’ tribe and we soon realize that he too was the “Mother Monster” the One who made a mosaic out of broken pieces.

Mary Magdalene the Harlot.

John the Baptist.

Matthew the Tax Collector.

Peter the Zealot.

Thomas the Doubter.

Paul the Persecutor

Monsters.  Rejected.  All.

Lady Gaga’s tribe is strong.  They’re strong because they’re united by their brokenness, by their “queerness.”

Like Jesus, Gaga has found one of the strongest bonds for community: not primarily sin, but rejection.

One of the main differences between Gaga and Jesus is that Jesus inaugurated his tribe through death and new life.

But, if Jesus was walking in America today, and if He was afforded the opportunity, I’d love to see his conversation with the “Mother Monster.”

I wonder if Jesus’ people have become too normal to embrace the rejects of the world?  If we see Lady Gaga and her followers as the ones Jesus WOULDN’T want, maybe we’ve lost touch with the real Jesus and become too comfortable with a Jesus that doesn’t exist.



This post was written by Caleb Wilde.  For his original post, go to:  http://www.calebwilde.com/2013/08/lady-gaga-and-jesus-2/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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Jesus turned misogyny on its head

8/28/2013

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When Jesus came onto the scene he turned misogyny (hatred of women) on its head. A rabbi at that time wouldn’t speak to a woman in public, not even his own wife (this is still true for orthodox rabbis). Even today, an orthodox Jewish man is forbidden to touch or be touched by any woman who is not his wife or a close family relation. Jesus didn’t abide by those rules. During his ministry Jesus engaged with women many times. He spoke to them. He touched them. He taught them. He esteemed them. He had women minister to him physically, touching him, washing his feet, anointing him with oil and with their tears. He had women disciples traveling with him, supporting him, learning from him, and “sitting at his feet.” If we, the church, the body of Christ, had followed the example that Jesus had set instead of the traditions of men held captive to sin and the fall, we would have a much higher history here.

This post is an excerpt from the book, BECOMING MYSELF by Stasi Eldredge

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My sins aren't as bad as yours

5/30/2013

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A temptation on the road to reverence is to stop and gawk at the wrecks in other people’s lives. Maybe it makes us feel better that while we may be struggling with one thing or another at least we’re not like that. Jesus tells a story of two men who go to the temple to pray. One was a gawker—that appears to be the audience Jesus intends this particular story to teach.

To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’ But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’ I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted” (Luke 18:9-14, NIV).

Other people’s sins are much easier to confess than our own. Other people’s brokenness is much easier to mock than our own. But God seems to be seeking something other than “holiness police.”  God loves those who, rather than sizing up the difference between themselves and other “more sinful” people, instead bow low in recognition of their own unworthiness compared to Holy God. The road to reverence is paved with humility.

Prayer Position

Notice the position of the two men in prayer. The Pharisee stands on his own two feet proud of his goodness but the tax collector “would not even look up to heaven.” One was confident in his righteousness and the other knew God was good and he was not. The tax collector trusted God enough, or at least was desperate enough, to cry out for mercy. Which one does Jesus say went home forgiven?

God desires honesty. God wants truth. “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us” (1 John 1:8-12, NIV).

The Same Boat

We’re all in the same boat. We’ve all sinned. We’ve all fallen short of the glory of God. None of us are all we were created to be, but yet somehow we have the audacity to condemn others while seeking pardon for ourselves. Or do we think we are without sin? We sing, “Amazing Grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me,” but then try to claim it exclusively. Saved a wretch like me, not a wretch like you, you’re the wrong kind of wretch.

None of this is intended to say that sin is not serious. It is. It is deadly. It separates us from Holy God. But God is greater than our sin. God is also greater than our neighbor’s sin. Remember what Jesus told Nicodemus?  “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him” (John 3:16-17). While we need to take sin seriously we must take God even more seriously.

Love the Sinner, Hate the Sin?

Sometimes Christians are seen as hateful when we point out the sins of others. But we claim this is not true. We “love the sinner and hate the sin.” I’m sure I’ve said that myself. But just this week I saw a quote by singer and humorist Mark Lowry with some important words to consider. They are helpful as we wrestle with sin and grace and how to live reverently. Mark said, “Love the sinner, hate the sin? How about: Love the sinner, hate your own sin! I don’t have time to hate your sin. There are too many of you! Hating my sin is a full-time job. How about you hate your sin, I’ll hate my sin and let’s just love each other!”

But too many of us are like the Pharisee in the story. We thank God we are not like those… fill in your blank here. Those drunks, those adulterers, those gays, those right wingers, those liberals, those “whatever we are not” people whose sins we want to highlight rather than allow the light of Christ to work in us. It is irreverent to do what God does not, to rank the sins of others as worse than our own. Since we are all in the same boat maybe we shouldn’t be so eager to see it sink.

Mercy Triumphs

James challenges us: “If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’, you are doing right. But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers.  For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. For he who said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’, also said, ‘You shall not murder.’ If you do not commit adultery but do commit murder, you have become a lawbreaker. Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment” (James 2:8-13, NIV).

It’s stunning to consider we have broken the entire law. All of it! How in the world can we then turn around and point a condemning finger at others when their sin is ours as well? But if our guilt is stunning, this is more so. God has mercy on us. God casts our sin as far as the east is from the west. Through Jesus Christ we find not only pardon for our sin but power to become all we were created to be. Our response to God is worship. The appropriate response to others is mercy and love.

A Journey of Grace

Though we journey toward reverence we’re not there yet. We couldn’t have even started on our own. It’s all about grace. Grace, grace, grace: grace to draw us, grace to forgive us and grace to make us as we should be.

One thing I know is that gawking slows us down. Sometimes it even causes us to wreck. Let’s keep our eyes on the road.

This excerpt is from the book, Irreverent: Finding Our Way Home. Order the book here or the Kindle edition here.

This post is taken from Seedbed, provided by Rev John Leece.  For the original post with comments, go to:  http://seedbed.com/feed/noticing-other-peoples-sins/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.


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Racism  - Am I part of the problem?

5/28/2013

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The other day, I hired a roofer to come and fix some hail damage on my house.  I told him that my neighbor may want some roofing done too.  I said, "he's from Guadalajara and was telling me that he could get some 'hispanics' to fix my roof and his roof but you might want to see if he needs some work done."  My roofer (a white guy) kind of got this sly grin and said, "he's not a roofer?"  I said, "no, he's an executive for a large bakery company."  My roofer said, "I was joking (still with that sly grin)."  I retorted, "yes I know you were.  I just didn't think it was funny."  The subject was changed and the roofing job was completed.  In the area where we live, there are a lot of homes being built.  A good portion of the construction crews (including roofers) are hispanic.* 

Later, upon reflection of this interaction, I thought to myself, "There I went and did it again.  I came off as a racist.  Why did it matter that my neighbor is from Guadalajara?"  I really like my neighbor.  He 's been nothing but friendly and he brings over items from the bakery and his wife makes us the BEST quesadillas.  My hispanic neighbor came from California before he brought his family to Indiana and built a home next to mine.  I then thought about the number of people who have asked me if my neighbor was here legally.  Honestly, that thought never crossed my mind.  My neighbors on the other side are from California too but are a white mother and daughter.  No one has ever asked me if they were here legally, I have no idea where they lived before California.  

I recall I went to lunch with a couple of white men that were a little bit older than me.  One of them made a disparaging comment about the race of our current president (POTUS).  I didn't laugh.  The other one said with a sly grin, "Oh, you didn't get the joke.  You will get it later when you get home."  I replied, "Yes I got the joke, I just didn't think it was funny."  

In thinking of these two interactions, I have come to a couple of observations that sicken me:

1)  White men seem to have this way of talking that is elitist.  We make comments toward each other that subtly (and not so subtly) put down other races and/or women.  However, we do it in such a way that among respectable Christian men it is not considered racist/sexist (if you're a white guy).  I'm sure that if a person who wasn't white was observing, s/he would notice the elitism.  

2)  If you're a white man and you don't appreciate these subtle comments, you are considered to not be as intelligent as the person making these subtle comments.  These white guys just can't imagine that you just don't appreciate their elitist comments.  They just think that you haven't had enough bad experiences from "those people" to accurately determine that whites are better.  However, they would never come out say that they are better than others.

These two observations aren't new to me, I didn't have an epiphany as I was writing this blog. However, to my regret, I did realize that I contribute to the sin of elitism/racism/sexism.   By being blind to my white maleness, I inadvertently contribute to subtle white, male put downs of others.  Sue (2004) points this out in his excellent article:  "Whiteness and Ethnocentric Monoculturalism:  Making the Invisible Visible"  (see American Psychologist, Nov 2004, pp 761-769).  He states, that white men are "trapped in a EuroAmerican worldview that only allows them to see the world from one perspective...little doubt exists that skin color in this society exposes people to different experiences (p. 762)."  

Sue's last statement that skin color causes different experiences just makes me feel really, really, awful at an internal level. God's Word makes it clear that elitism/sexism/racism is a sin.  Galatians 3:28 points out that we are all ONE in Jesus Christ.  James 2 makes it clear that favoritism is sinful.  King Solomon warns us in Proverbs 6:12-13 that a man who winks with his eyes and signals with his feet is a "worthless person, a wicked man."  I believe that this section of God's Word is talking about those subtle things that people do to create an "us vs them" mentality.  

I long for the day when we will be released from the sin of elitism/racism/sexism.  Unfortunately, I don't think that is going to happen this side of heaven.  However, I'm grateful for times like this when God's Word and God's Holy Spirit speaks to me about my blind elitism.  I don't want to treat people any other way than the way that Jesus treated people. 


Now that you have come to the end of this blog post, I ask you for two things: 1) pray that I will be become more like Jesus, and 2) pray that you will become more like Jesus.


*My understanding is that hispanic is a political term.  I prefer the term latino/a but I use hispanic in this post because that is the term my neighbor used.  


BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

4 Comments

Elvis Church

5/23/2013

1 Comment

 
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When children try to dress like their parents, it’s often cute. When teenagers try to emulate rock stars, it’s often bizarre. When adults try to imitate their folk heroes, it’s often embarrassing.

Ever since the mass media began enabling fame for ministry leaders, adoring church people have scurried to emulate their heroes. The result has been a wave of copycat terms and behaviors–repeated not because they make sense, but because they’re used by the cool and the famous.



Here’s a sampling of ministry me-too-isms:
  1. When you preach, sit on a stool.
  2. But don’t preach. Give a message.
  3. Call yourself a “communicator.”
  4. Name yourself the “lead pastor.”
  5. Don’t love people. Love ON people.
  6. “Press in.” (Don’t know why.)
  7. Call the worship location a “campus.” (Even if it’s in a jail or on the web.)
  8. Refer to teenagers as “students.” (But don’t use the “student” word for elementary school students or college students. They’re not “students.”)
  9. Dispatch men in little orange vests to direct traffic in the parking lot.
  10. Wear a golf shirt or hawaiian shirt when you preach.  Make sure it is untucked.

I guess it’s all scriptural. “Ye are . . . a peculiar people.” (1 Peter 2:9)

What would you add to the copycat list?


This post was written by Thom Schultz.  You can find the original post here:  http://holysoup.com/2013/05/15/9-ways-to-me-too-your-ministry-heroes/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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