I was tasked with assessing a man regarding his sexual addiction.  

Unfortunately, his tale was all too familiar.  

As he sat across from me telling me that he is now considered a sexual offender and must register with the local police every time he moves, he started to unfold his story.  He told me that he had found his Dad's stash of Playboy and Hustler magazines when he was just eight years old.  

That is a bad sign...  The earlier a man is exposed to porn the greater are his chances that he will become addicted and the greater are his chances of getting into legal trouble.

The more he looked at porn, the more he wanted to look at porn.  (Interesting cycle, don't you think?)  The more he looked at porn, the more he fantasized about doing what he was watching on the porn movies.  

The more he watched porn, the less developed his social skills became.  This happens because porn causes a man to be selfish and just think about his own pleasure.  Friendships are unnecessary.  Girls are unnecessary because the girls in porn movies and magazines are always accessible and there for a man's pleasure.

It's a terrible cycle that entraps a man.  He wants to approach girls but fears rejection.  He wants to do the things he fantasizes about but he fears she will say no.  Finally, his isolation led him to frustration and he decided he would act upon some of his fantasies.  

A really weird thing about men addicted to porn is that they think that women are turned on by seeing male genitalia.  The porn that men watch gives a terribly distorted perspective of sexuality.  In actuality, women are more attracted to an intimate relationship than the male physique.

This man started to act upon his fantasies from the porn that he had been viewing over the years.  

One of his fantasies was that he would "accidentally" leave his zipper down and a woman would notice and become aroused.   He would walk around in grocery stores with his zipper down, fantasizing about his inevitable sexual encounter.  He was disappointed that no women noticed.

So, he developed another plan.  He decided that he would sit in his car close to the exits of stores with his pants open and hope that women would see and become aroused.  That didn't work either.  

So, his next step would be to call women over to his car, "to ask a question" and hope that with his pants open, they would notice, be sexually aroused and want to be with him.   He continued to be very disappointed.

He thought, because of his distorted perspective of women and sexuality, that what women were wanting to see was that he was sexually aroused, that he was erect, ready for sex.  So, he would sit in his car and fantasize about a woman jumping into his car and they would drive to a secluded place for a sexual encounter.  

One morning, while he was sitting in his car masturbating and fantasizing, he rolled his window down and asked a woman to come over because he had a "question" he wanted to ask her.  She approached his car, looked at him and where his hand was and instantly became repulsed.  She noted his license plate and called the police when she got home.  

She made a report to the police and he was arrested and prosecuted.  His prosecution was made public, his family was embarrassed and he lost his job.  

As he finished his story, I asked, "have you gotten rid of your porn?"  I knew his answer would be "no."  I was right.  The court wanted recommendations at the end of my assessment.  My recommendations were necessary:  no cable tv, no vcr/dvd player, no internet, no smart phone, no porn.  If he was caught in possession of any of these items, he would go to prison.  Also, he needed intensive counseling.  If this failed, then he would need residential treatment.

However, when the judge found out that he had not given up his porn, he acted swiftly.  This man immediately went to prison.  

Wouldn't it be nice if all of my stories ended in a positive note?  

This is a depressing, disgusting story.

Porn wins.

"Behold, you have sinned against the LORD and be sure that your sin will find you out."

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

The man was at the end of his rope.  He was in a court ordered assessment.  He was caught at the park where he had "accidentally flashed" a woman who was sitting on a park bench and  reading and enjoying her early evening.  She was able to describe him to the police and he was quickly picked up and taken to jail.  

As is frequently the case, he blamed others for his behavior.  However, there was a wrinkle in his story.  He told me that he had been called to be a youth pastor and he had asked his pastor about being a youth worker.  Coincidentally, shortly after this man approached the pastor about being a youth worker, a couple of young ladies had told the pastor about something.  "They told this pastor that I had flashed them when they were at a party.  It just wasn't true.  I told the pastor that I was working out in my living room and there was a party at my neighbors and I looked out the window and saw those two girls going into the home.  They looked at me standing at my window and thought I was naked and ran inside screaming.  I didn't think anything of it because I had my clothes on."    The pastor believed the girls and denied his request to help in the church's youth group.  He was floored when the pastor told him no, as he had education in religion.  

His history was familiar.  He had a distant father, an overbearing mother and his life was rife with broken romantic relationships.  Pornography was important to him and was a regular activity.  He blamed his pornography addiction on God for giving him such a "strong sex drive."  However, being a Christian, he was quick to point out that he had never had intercourse, yet he also admitted to compulsive masturbation and hours lost in fantasizing about the woman he would marry who would make all of his dreams come true.  

Needless to say, this man needed a lot of help.  Not only was he in heavy denial about his public activity but he was also blaming God for his private activity.    

God has something to say about this:  "those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature."  

I've lost track of this guy.   
I wonder...  Is he a youth worker at some church now?

Just a side note...   I hope that this man serves as a reminder to ALWAYS check out individuals who want to work with children and teenagers.  Sometimes, their motives are not the best.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.