He sat across the table from me, trying to convince me that his behavior wasn't hurting anybody.  "I'm not having sex, I'm just having some fun!"  He proceeded to tell me  his story.   It's one that I have heard many times.  Unfortunately.

His behavior started fairly innocently.  He was happily married but there were occasions that his wife would work late.  During these times, on occasion, he would call a "chat line."  The conversations started out innocent enough but he didn't realize that he was being fleeced.  God speaks about this.  He says,"with persuasive words she led him astray; she seduced him with her smooth talk."   The young lady on the other end of the phone started flirting with him and tapped into his ego.  The next time he called her, she talked about how wonderful he was and how he helped her not to feel so lonely.  A few calls later, the trap was sprung.   He gave her his credit card number so that she would "tell him things that she knew he wanted to hear."  His calls continued with greater frequency.  He would get out of bed where his wife was sleeping to call this young lady.  She was always available to him and would say things that his wife would never say.  

He started to feel guilty and talked to the young lady about not calling her anymore.  That is when she set the hook.  She told him that she was a college student and that she needed the money to pay for school.  She admitted that she did this with just a few men and that they "weren't doing anything wrong."  

He looked at me and said, "but, I'm not cheating!!! I'm not having sex with her.  We're just having a little fun .  No one's getting hurt and I'm helping her pay for her education."  

I cautioned him about his behavior.  I explained to him what such behavior leads to.  That's when he said, "funny you should say that...."    He  then proceeded with this all too familiar story:

This young lady suggested that they meet.  It was a town that he visited on business often.   She explained that she offered private services to help men feel more masculine and perform better in bed.  She explained that he would enjoy it as "most men do."  

He went to the house that she and several other young women (who were working their way thru college too)  used to "help men."  There was never any intercourse.  He was "learning how to let a woman be in charge."   He found these lessons exhilarating.  He paused in his story, "but, I'm not cheating!!! We aren't having sex and I really like how she makes me feel."  It's as if he was trying to convince himself more than he was trying to convince me.  

I would love to be able to tell you that this man conquered this illicit behavior but I cannot.  His life became a disaster.  

One night when he was talking to this young woman on the phone, his wife happened to be listening on the extension.  The next day, when he got home from work, he found his belongings on the yard, the locks changed and a court injunction prohibiting him from ever seeing his wife again.  The divorce proceedings were quick and he soon found himself on the street with no home.

I haven't had any contact with him since.  I don't know where he is and I don't know if he got help.  I do pray for him, hoping that he has turned to God and is living a life that represents Christ well.

Why do I tell you this story?  I guess you need to know that it is easy for men to rationalize their sinful behavior.   Men have a tendency to compartmentalize their behavior and think that their lives cannot be affected.  

God has something to say about this.  ‎"The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, a puzzle that no one can figure out. But I, God, search the heart and examine the mind. I get to the heart of the human. I get to the root of things. I treat them as they really are, not as they pretend to be."   

So, what is in your heart?  
Are you pretending?  
Ask God to give you a new heart.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

"Of all bad men, religious bad    
          men are the worst."  

This quote from C.S. Lewis in his book, Reflections on the Psalms, addresses an issue in the church that is frequently overlooked by Christians.  People who are not Christians have no trouble with this quote and believe it wholeheartedly.  However, in the church we tend to overlook bad behavior from our brothers.  Are our churches just some sort of fraternity where we overlook these "imperfections"?  God's Word states that individuals that wink,  to signal that one is in the club, to get away with something are dirty, rotten scoundrels.   Unfortunately, these men have crept into the church.  God's Word describes them as waterless springs and twice dead.

This week and next we will be discussing different personalities that are in positions of authority in the church.  Remember that the individuals in these posts are fictitious.  However, as we go thru some of the behaviors, you will recognize them as actual people that you have encountered in the church.  I know.  I have met each of these men.  You may even recognize yourself in some of these men. I know that I recognize elements of these men in my own personality and it concerns me.  If they are you, ask God to change you.  Only HE can give true, lasting change.

Here are some of the men we will be discussing:  The Histrionic Religious Bad Boy, The Narcissistic Religious Bad Boy,  The Anti-Social Religious Bad Boy, The Passive-Aggressive Religious Bad Boy, The Avoidant Religious Bad Boy, The Overscrupulous Religious Bad Boy and The Chaotic Religious Bad Boy.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

Having accepted a counseling assignment for a year in a South American country, I met an interesting man.  In his broken English, he confessed, "I like dirty women."  

This man was a gynecologist, very educated and finally coming to the realization that he had a terrible problem.  In English, dirty can mean several things.  However, in Spanish, he was very clear.  He used the word, "sucia."  "Sucia" means physically dirty, unwashed.  He continued with other clear words, "Indigenas, indias, mujeres sucias..."    Translated, those words mean, "indigenous, indians, dirty women..."  He was talking about a people group that were indigenous in that area:  women from the Quechua people.  These people are typically considered lower class by those who don't have indian blood.  

Being educated and of Spanish descent, he considered himself to be superior to these people.  That was his quandary.  "Why do I like dirty women? I'm not attracted to pure blood women."  He went on to explain that he would sexually use some of his patients, but only the Quechua women.  He felt an attraction to women that he was not supposed to be attracted to, kinda like forbidden fruit.  He soothed his conscience by believing that he was only having sex with women who were beneath his station in life.  These people were essentially worthless in his mind.

He would trade his gynecological services for sexual favors with his patients.  He found that many times, he would not be refused because these women were poor and did not feel good about themselves.  "They couldn't say no because no one thinks they are attractive.  I flatter them..."

So, you can see this man has a terrible sin problem.  Actually, more than one.  Just to name a few:  1) prejudice, 2) sexism, 3) racism, 4) elitism, 5) compulsions, 6) fornication, etc...  Just plain sinfulness.  

As his story unfolded, he also revealed that he was addicted to marijuana, alcohol and painkillers.  Being a physician, he had no difficulty affording and obtaining these substances, especially when he would trade his gynecological services for these substances.  

He was raised in an environment with a very strong mother and a father who had abandoned him.   As we delved further into his upbringing, he noted that he was brought into sex early when his mother paid for a prostitute "to teach him how to be a man" as his father wasn't doing a good job at raising him.   He recalled his first sexual encounter at age eight with repeated exposure, at his mother's insistence, until he left for college at age sixteen.

In spite of his medical and financial success, this man knew that he was doomed.  "My soul is on the way to hell..."  Fortunately, this gentleman was receptive to God's working in his life.  He came for help because he had heard that hell was a place that he did not want to go.  As I was unable to follow this man due to not being around long enough to help him, I was able to hand him off to a pastor.  This pastor told him about God's redemptive power and discipled him.  He became very much like Zaccheus.  He repented of his sinful behavior and attempted to make restitution as best he could.  

This man's story teaches us that we are not doomed by the sins of our parents, doomed because we had a bad upbringing or doomed because we have abused people.  There is always room for God's offer of salvation.  It is never too late to do the right thing.

Is your life like this man's?  Or do you think that he is beneath you?  
In what kind of sin do you find yourself involved?  
It is never too late to do the right thing.  

If God can change this man, he can change you.

How bout it?

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.