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Making heaven your goal

12/2/2013

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It was kind of a surreal experience....   We had just arrived at our mission in Quito and here I was less than 48 hours later standing at the graveside of a man I didn't know and hadn't even met.

I watched as the gravedigger dug the grave by hand.  He would occasionally stop and put his chin on top of the shovel and seem interested in what was going on as he rested.  There was hardly anybody there.  Just the man's wife, a couple of other people, the pastor, myself and the Ecuadorian gravedigger.  Being one of the few English speaking churches in town, the widow called the pastor with whom I served on staff and asked that he do the funeral.   I was there as support.  

The story of this man's life ended sadly.  He was a very successful American businessman who had visited Ecuador frequently and ended up buying some lucrative property in Quito so that he could retire.  He had quite a nest egg.  His goal in life was to retire with his wife at this property in Quito and live a life of ease and luxury.  

What was interesting was that this man and his wife arrived in Quito about the same time my wife and I had arrived.  We may have even been on the same airplane.  What he hadn't considered, as he grew older, was that his health wasn't as good as it had been in the past.  Quito has an elevation of over 9,000 feet (btw - Denver has an elevation of just over 5,000 feet) above sea level.  People who visit Quito often come down with Soroche (altitude sickness).  The symptoms are very similar to carbon monoxide poisoning.  The stress of the Soroche that he was experiencing taxed his body and his heart stopped working.  

So, here we have a man who saved his whole life, gathered quite a bit of money and bought some nice property in Quito so that he could retire, and within 48 hours of achieving his goal, he died.  From what his wife described, it also appeared that he died without knowing Jesus as his Savior.  

Jesus talked about this.  He said, "Now what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your soul?"  

Jesus, who taught a parable about a man who amassed fortune and trusted in himself, said, "You fool!  You will die this very night.  Then who will get everything you worked for?"

Having a goal is not bad in and of itself.  However, if your goal excludes God and is just to please yourself, know that you may never reach it.  If you do, it won't last forever.  

Everyone dies.

Then there is reward or payment.

Yet, if you have a goal and it includes God and pleasing Him, you WILL reach it. 
 

"Don't store up treasure on earth..."  

Make heaven your goal.


BE HOLY.
BE A MAN


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Motivations of Teenagers (part two)

3/15/2012

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If you remember from yesterday's post, we discussed the 11 goals of teenagers.  Today, we are going to talk about proactive parenting of teenagers.

The overarching goal for teenagers is to make the adult in charge look stupid.  Therefore, it is important to not be sucked into this game.  Power struggles rarely work in interactions with teenagers.  Teenagers will challenge and  if you respond in an authoritarian manner, it won't work.  

A key sentence to remember in dealing with teenagers is this:

          RULES WITHOUT RELATIONSHIP LEADS TO REBELLION

What teenagers need more than anything from their parents is an honest, loving relationship.  To just mete out punishment for infractions won't go far in building a relationship with them.

Let me ask you a few questions:
1.  Do you spend time alone with your teenager doing something that s/he wants to do?
2.  Do you show an interest in things that interest him/her?
3.  Are the consequences of behavior logical?  For example, when caught speeding, does s/he lose car privileges or do you ban him/her from the computer?   The consequences of behavior need to be logical.  In other words, the consequences need to relate to the infraction.  
4.  Most importantly, are you a consistent Christian?  Teens can spot phoniness a mile away.  If you say one thing and do another, they will be turned off.  If you have "hidden" behaviors, they know it.  If they don't know it and then find out later, your integrity is down the tubes.  
5.  Do you live a life of openness and humility? Do they see you apologize to people when you are clearly wrong?  
6.  Do they see you respect everyone no matter who they are?  
7.  Do they see you love their mother?

These are just some simple steps to get you on your right foot with your teenager.  Think about these 7 questions.  

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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Motivations of Teenagers (part one)

3/14/2012

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Just like children, teenagers have motivations.  Research indicates that there are essentially 11 goals that teenagers have.  To understand these goals makes you a proactive parent.  If you figure out a teen's goal you will know how to handle it:

1.  Superiority - these teens must be the best at everything
2.  Conformity - Living up completely to the standards of established society
3.  Popularity - these teens accumulate as many friends and social contacts as possible.
4.  Defiance - these teens want to be in control or at least not controlled by adults
5.  Sexual promiscuity - these teens are highly active and defiant about their sexual behavior
6.  Inadequacy - these teens enjoy the victim role and seek consolation for their shortcomings
7.  Charm - these teens use smooth talk and pleasing manners
8.  Physical beauty or strength - these teenagers rely completely on their good looks, physical strength or abilities
9.  Sexism - these teens become overly stereotypical masculine or feminine
10.  Intellectuality - these teens value intelligence and study, read or discuss ideas most of the time
11.  Hyperreligiosity - these teens immerse themselves in religious ideas and activities.  All they talk about are religious ideas.

Tomorrow's post will discuss how to proactively parent teenagers.

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Motivations of Children

3/13/2012

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To properly parent, it is important to know what motivates children.  If you can figure out a child's goal, then you can figure out how to best help them.  If you can identify the goals of a child you can plan your corrective action much more intelligently 

Research indicates that there are four basic goals for kids:

1.  Attention - Children want attention be it negative or positive.  Negative attention is better than no attention.
2.  Power - Children can openly rebel or be quietly stubborn
3.  Revenge - lying, stealing, or hurting others
4.  Inadequacy - This passive child relays the message, "Don't expect anything from me because I don't have anything to give."

CORRECTIVE ACTION - Four steps can help you to be proactive in your parenting.  These four steps can be remembered easily with the acronym CARE.

C - Catch yourself - don't yell, talk too much or preach.  Make action, not
             words, the principal means of conveying intentions.
A - Assess the child's goals - What goals are being served by the behavior?
R - Respond with consequences and encouragement -   Consequences 
             need to be logical and natural.  
E - Execute with consistency, friendliness, and respect -  Remember
             that rules without relationship leads to rebellion.

As Christian fathers, we are to discipline and instruct our children in a godly manner, to not exasperate them or provoke them to anger.  

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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