Category: Lust

Can a single guy masturbate "safely"?

3/29/2016

I have been asked many questions about sexuality from men. One thing that men are very curious about is the expression of their sexuality in a manner that is pleasing to God, without pornography.

Masturbation is one method that some unmarried men have chosen rather than participate in sex outside of marriage. Jesus spoke to this issue directly, "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Mt 5:28 Christian men knowing that Jesus said this want to be able to masturbate while not committing lust.

I have men tell me that they just imagine female body parts or women that they make up in their own minds cause sexual arousal.

Is imagining female body parts or women you make up acceptable?

Maybe. The intent of the young man is trying to please God with his expression of his sexuality in a "safe" way, honoring what Jesus said. His heart is seemingly in the right place.

Is imagining female body parts or women you make up acceptable?

No. What is something that may make it unacceptable? The sexual response, even the human sexual response is subject to behavioral conditioning. The Encyclopaedia of Sexual Behavior, by Albert Ellis lists sexual stimulation in over 70 different ways. It seems that many of them (i.e. arousal by touching feet) have come about from a learned response, pairing a stimulus with a reward. For example, go to this blog post about a young man who inadvertently trained his sexual response (http://www.ironstrikes.com/blog/training-your-sexual-response1).

So, if the human sexual response can become conditioned, then conditioning one's response to imagined female body parts, could result in a fetish. Conditioning one's response to a make believe woman can result in comparing one's future wife to this made up person. This could make it difficult to find a spouse that could live up to these conditioned expectations. Also, as we discussed yesterday, imagining such could also be an entry into the world of the supernatural (http://www.ironstrikes.com/blog/demonic-masturbation)

What we do know is that God has designed the male body for expression of sexuality in a safe manner for an unmarried guy. God has built in a way "to pop the cork" when hormones become strong. He has built in wet dreams. The male body takes care of itself. To purposely dream (lucid dreaming) of a sexual encounter reaches into the realm of the unacceptable (http://www.ironstrikes.com/blog/sexual-dreaming) but many of our dreams are not under our conscious control.

So, now you have a clear answer: maybe, no, God's way.

0 Comments

Lust control

4/10/2014

2 Comments

Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul

Peter in speaking of "fleshly lusts" uses the words, sarkikos (fleshly) and epithumia (lusts). Sarkikos describes the impulses, cravings, and desires of the carnal flesh. Epithumia is a compound word. Epi (over) and thumos (passion). Hence, epithumia describes a person so overcome by some passionate desire that he completely gives himself over to it.

Interpreted, this means that your flesh is never content until it has completely taken you over and consumed you. It is impossible to freely participate in only a little taste of sin and then walk free of it. Once the flesh has been allowed to indulge in that sin, the cry of the carnal nature to indulge in sin once more will become stronger and stronger, ferociously working against you in its attempt to pull you deeper & deeper into sin until you are completely conquered by it.

If you have one temptation that you have to constantly fight more than others, how did that fight begin? Did you look at something or allow your flesh permission to do something that you knew was wrong? Did you open the door to this attack yourself by not saying no to the flesh at a critical moment in your life? What are you going to do now to shut the door to the devil and drive this battle out of your head and flesh?

It is a whole lot easier to avoid fleshly temptations that it is to uproot them once they get deeply rooted in your mind, will and emotions. So if the world around you is crying out for you to participate in its sinful activities, remind yourself that you are just a temporary traveler in this world with no rights to participate in such activities.

Make the choice to refrain from the works of the flesh.

By making this decision, thru the power of God's Holy Spirit, you can avoid horrific battles that others fight every day in their minds because they didn't say no to temptations that were offered to them.

This post was adapted from Sparkling Gems from the Greek.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

2 Comments

Love, lust, intimacy and the church

6/14/2013

0 Comments

Whatever one thinks about sex, the one thing we can agree on is that more people are having more sex than ever—even in the Church. Which means the best attempts within the Church to steer people away from sex is not working.

When I was in high school, sex was often addressed in a shameful, embarrassing way. Young women were told if they had sex, their worth was somehow lowered and they would become, at best, second-hand goods. It was as though their self-worth was connected only to their sexuality.

Young men did not fare any better. We were often made to feel guilt for our sexual urges and lust. Never mind that our hormones were going bonkers—we felt like perverts for the thoughts that were streaming through our minds. Many young men were guilt-ridden because of this and had difficulty being honest because of their attending shame.

On top of this, we heard Christian leaders blame culture and the media for popularizing sex. They blamed the media for its constant barrage of sexual messaging and accused our culture for eroding our moral foundation.

What critics like these fail to see is that the reason sexual messaging is so effective is because, as humans, we have sexual desire hard-wired into us.

The media is simply tapping into something that is already there, and the Church needs to tap into the same thing. We must speak to the God-given sexual desire that exists within us. This has rarely been done, as we often confuse our God-given desire for sex with our misguided, self-centered feelings of lust.

I’m not entirely sure that what people want, at the deepest level, is sex. I think what our sex-crazed culture really wants is what sex promises: the feeling of being desired.

When we feel desired by another person, we tap into the deepest longing of all people who have ever lived: the longing to be loved for exactly who we are. Sex offers this opportunity to us.

But we seem to have confused sex and love—you can have one without the other. In our world today, there is a surplus of sex and a deficit of love.

Perhaps this is why so many people are having more sex than ever. People are increasingly hungry for another moment in which they feel desired, accepted and loved by another person. Sex offers a tangible way for anyone to find this longing fulfilled, even if only for a few moments.

Some scoff at this idea, thinking that sex is simply fun and that it feels good. Yes, physically speaking, sex is wonderful, but sex is far more than a physical act.

If sex is only about a physical reality, then we are nothing more than copulating animals. I, for one, believe men and women are so much more than that. Our sexuality is deeply connecting—emotionally and spiritually—in a way that most want (or need) to ignore.

Many wrongly believe that desire itself is evil. As a result, they attempt to curb and deny it. This frequently proves to be too much, and many give up, while others spend years wracked with guilt while they privately battle lust and sexual impulses.

We can never forget that sexual desire is God-given.

The Bible is filled with positive talk of it. It does not only speak of desiring God, His words, or His presence—the Bible gets sexual.

There is a book of poetry in Scripture that is steamier than any Danielle Steele novel and has better one-liners than a Cameron Crowe movie. The book, Song of Songs, details a conversation between a man and a woman.

In the second chapter, the woman says to the man, “Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my beloved among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste” This is unbelievably provocative language. In speaking of her lover, she uses the Hebrew word chamad. Here it’s translated “delight,” elsewhere it is translated “desire.” This woman speaks openly and without shame about her sexual desire for her lover.

Desires are hard-wired inside of us, and we are meant to live as people who attend to them. To want something is not bad, even if what you want is to give yourself away in a sexual relationship. The warning is that, like all good things, when desire gets twisted, we get ourselves into trouble.

This does not mean we should run from desire, rather we must teach a proper understanding of it. When we deny it, stuff it or pretend it’s not there, we are not living truthfully. When this happens, we open ourselves to feelings of fear, guilt, anger because we ignore our desires.

These desires are not ultimately about sex. While our sexual desire can, at times, seem overwhelming; our desire to be loved, accepted and desired is even stronger. Any discussion about sex that does not begin with our deepest, truest desire for love begins in the wrong place.

Those within the Church should never encourage people to stuff or suppress desire—we need to encourage them to acknowledge it and embrace it. We must act as guides walking with them and speaking honestly about our desires. In this, we have an opportunity to point not only to love, but to the source of all love—a merciful, compassionate, loving God.

And when we do this, we just might find what we have really wanted all along—when, at last, we discover a God who desires us.

This post was written by Michael Hidalgo of Relevant Magazine. For the original post, go to: http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/church/truth-about-sexual-desire

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

0 Comments

Affair fallout

6/12/2013

0 Comments

Yesterday, we discussed how an affair progresses thru predictable stages. However, the consequences of such behavior are profound.

Dr. Dobson states, "the grass may be greener on the other side of the fence but it still has to be mowed." Once the excitement of the early stages of the affair wear off, the new couple is forced to live real life again, life in the common place. The man and woman suddenly have to face work thru personality adjustments. They discover spiritual, emotional and physical imperfections in each other they have never noticed before. Someone has to fix the cars, cook the meals, clean the house, run errands, mow the lawn, struggle with the finances.

There is also a layer of distrust in the new relationship. "If he cheated before, he can do it again..." The trail of pain eats away at the new relationship. Kids have been hurt. A wife and a husband have been abandoned. The complex and difficult relational network is hard to manage.

Like wide-eyed children we enter into extra-marital affair. Our eyes are wide open but for some reason we are blind to many of the realities that will become devastatingly apparent later when the glitter fades. It is OK to be childlike in some of the areas of our lives. But we have to live in the real world. Yes, we desperately want for the new relationship to work, to give us pleasure, the romance, the affirmation we felt was lacking in our former marriage. But we have bought the lie, the hype, the brightly lit illusion, the propaganda that says we can gave everything we want simply by changing partners mid-stream. It is very American to seek the quick fix; we are looking for the easy road to the real thing.

It is truly a tragedy. Men and women change partners again and again chasing the illusion. Many die lonely, empty people, lacking the love that they chased all their lives.

Tomorrow, we will look at how to fight the temptation to stray...

The information from this post is taken from TEMPTATIONS MEN FACE

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

0 Comments

Steps that lead to an affair

6/11/2013

0 Comments

There are twelve common steps that usually occur in sequence as a relationship moves toward an adulterous affair. These steps often occur over a long period of time, but a man and a woman can move thru these stages of an affair in a single evening. Becoming aware of the steps helps us to recognize what might be happening to us so we can stop the process before we are in over our heads.

Our two main enemies are rationalization and denial. We rationalize when we give acceptable reasons for unacceptable thoughts, feelings and behaviors. Denial is our often intense refusal to recognize the truth about our thoughts, feelings and behaviors. Sin can harden our hearts and darken our understanding, turning us away from God. "Encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness."

For example, a woman rationalizes that God understood and accepted her numerous affairs because, after all, it was He who created within her this "need for other men." A man lives in denial about his affair, "it's OK, because each time we have sex we end by praying together."

I will briefly list the 12 steps here and in the subsequent post. For a more complete understanding, you will need to read the book, TEMPTATIONS MEN FACE, from which this information is taken.

1. Readiness - The first step is emotional readiness. Something is occurring in a man's life that has him leaning away from the marriage. This is a vulnerable time. He needs to learn to recognize this and turn his energy toward regaining the full health of his marital relationship.

2. Alertness - The second stage in the affair process is a growing awareness of a particular person in our web of relationships. He begins simply by thinking occasionally about the other person. The innocent thoughts turn to fantasy. As she becomes more present in his conscious thoughts, she may begin to appear in dreams and the dreams are often filled with sexual fantasy. Masturbating while fantasizing about her is common.

3. Innocent meeting - Truly innocent, chance meetings, often legitimate business contacts can potentially build the relationship. This is the stage where some flirtations can develop, prolonged eye contact, harmless sounding sexual innuendo, enticing body language, etc.

4. Intentional meeting - Meetings occur frequently which appear to be by chance when in reality one person has acted in such a way as to increase the likelihood of the meeting. He will hang out for extended periods of time hoping for the chance to "surprisingly" meet her. The excitement of sexual attraction overpowers his rational side. At this point, he has entered a real danger zone.

5. Public lingering - The man & the woman now spend time together while in group settings. They will tend to shut others out by turning away from the group and avoiding eye contact with others. Observers know something is happening. However, they would still deny any suggestion that this was more than normal adult relating. The public setting help them to rationalize: "It's fine to focus on her. Nothing can happen. We are with others."

6. Private lingering - Soon the man & the woman find that they are still together long after the others have left. Conversation shifts from ideas to feelings. Caring is shared. Conversation drifts into private and personal areas. They still feel fine about the relationship because the meetings begin in public.

7. Purposeful isolating - Now the man & the woman begin to plan times alone for "legitimate" purposes. They may request the other to work on special projects at work that require them being alone or work late together. He may ask her to help him sort out his marital problems. They still deny any suggestions that their relationship is not completely appropriate. At home, his wife notices a decrease in verbal & nonverbal communication. He seems suddenly detached, cool, almost formal in his relating. There may be uncompleted phone calls.

8. Pleasurable isolating - Now the man & the woman are planning times alone with each other for the sheer enjoyment of being together. The relationship takes on a youthful euphoria. There is a shared experience of excitement and adventure with more intimacy occurring. There is more touching. His spouse notices that there are long blocks of time that are unaccounted for. There is a noticeable decrease in pleasurable times in the marriage. The relationship is still rationalized: "It's OK to have good friends of the opposite sex, there is nothing wrong with being close friends. After all, she understands me better than my wife."

9. Affectionate embracing - There is embracing without letting go. There is increased touching and playful caressing. Childish games like tickling and wrestling are often played at this stage to increase physical contact. The rationalization is that there is nothing wrong with physically expressing support for one another. At the same time, affectionate embracing and physical contact decreases with his wife.

10. Passionate embracing - Affectionate touching and embracing lead to passionate interchanges. The couple will still rationalize and say that it is fine to get aroused because it is innocent and unplanned, "Besides, my wife no longer makes me feel this way."

11. Capitulation - The couple gives in to sexual intercourse. Denial is eliminated at this stage. There is no way to deny the reality of what they have done.

12. Acceptance - Here they finally admit to themselves that they are in the throes of an affair. If they continue, it is definitely a conscious choice. The emotional investment in the affair is at its peak and the emotional investment in the marriage is at its lowest. The man may find creative ways for his wife to discover the affair. The tension of living a double life is usually too much for someone to bear for very long.

Is this the end of the story? Do the man and woman live happily ever after? Nope. The story of an affair is not a comedy. It is a huge tragedy with unbelievable fallout and consequences.

Tomorrow, we will discuss some of these consequences.

Much of this information is taken from the book, TEMPTATIONS MEN FACE

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

0 Comments

Why going to church is bad for you

5/21/2013

0 Comments

Men who struggle with sexual temptation are especially vulnerable at church. One would think that church would be the one place a man could be safe and free from temptation. Not so. As the weather is warming, people are wearing more comfortable clothing. Some of that clothing is fairly revealing, even in the church.

I was a camp counselor and we were having a great worship time with our preteen campers. However, up front, two backup singers (they were camp counselors as well) were helping the worship leader by moving in time with the music (some people would call it choreography, others would call it dancing). With their movement, certain body parts were also moving and it was very noticeable. Being a normal man, I was distracted from my worship by such movement. Afterwards, I overheard a couple of the preteens boys in a discussion about how these two women looked. It was obvious that I wasn't the only male that was stimulated...

Men whom I have counseled have told me similar stories. They become stimulated, and some even become triggered by such activity in the church. Their mind wanders away from worship and often this stimulation leads to physically acting out once they leave church. Not only do some become triggered by viewing worship leaders but sometimes they also become stimulated by the way that some women dress in the church. If they attend a church that "hugs," these men may also be triggered by such activity.

These men need the strength that comes with corporate worship but it often backfires for them.

How does a man who is addicted to sexual activity keep himself from becoming triggered when he goes to church? This is an extremely difficult thing for such men to work thru. There are no easy answers and it takes real work to follow thru with some of these ideas:

1 - Don't sit up front or where you can see the worship leaders
2 - Or sit close to the front behind a large person who will block your view (that way you won't see the women in the congregation nor the women up front)
3 - Close your eyes when you are singing
4 - Concentrate on the Creator rather than the creation
5 - Come late to the service so that you miss the worship time
6 - Consider going to a church that does not have such stimulating activity
7 - Sit with a male friend who knows of your struggles who will help you stay focused and not let you look around and who will pray for you while in church
8 - Talk to your pastor about your struggles and ask for assistance/ideas
9 - Join an accountability group and be honest about your thoughts during church and also pray about your mutual struggles.

These ideas are very hard to do and take much prayer, much mental discipline and the empowerment of the Holy Spirit.

The answer is not to just make sure that women dress correctly. In case you didn't know, in churches that have organs, many have a screen so that you cannot see the organist's feet. This is done because it used to be too sensual for men to see the organist's naked foot. So, policing what women in the church wear is not the answer.

If you are a pastor, worship leader, or someone in a position of authority in your church, I would encourage you to spend some time thinking and praying about your church and what kinds of messages your church may send to people who struggle with sexual sin. Ask God to give you wisdom so that your church is healthy and not a hindrance.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

0 Comments

Computer or counseling: Which is better?

5/13/2013

1 Comment

"We're gonna put our money into a computer rather than marriage counseling." This was a statement from a man with a rather troubled marriage. "I don't think counseling is going to help us any. We can spend time together in front of the computer and find good resources there." I looked at his wife and she, in a rather pie-eyed fashion, gave her tacit permission towards her husband's solution to their many marriage troubles. He proceeded with a rather lengthy story about how a new, more powerful computer, would be the solution not only to their family woes but also the difficulties in his marriage. "We will gather around the computer as a family and make our computer a place of bonding, we'll become stronger if we invest in that rather than counseling." I attempted to protest but he had won his wife over to his point of view. They cancelled their remaining sessions and I never saw them again.

Do you think the computer helped this marriage? A computer is amoral. It is neither evil nor good. It is what is done with the computer that brings in the morality.

I have been able to watch this man's behavior from a distance and unfortunately, his life has fallen apart. His wife divorced him. Several things transpired that she could not live with: 1) he used the computer for watching porn, 2) he used the computer to develop relationships with numerous women with whom he had affairs, 3) he was arrested for having sex with a patient, 4) he was also arrested for domestic violence and 5) he lost his medical license.

The computer also affected his children. One of his children became addicted to pornography (from the same computer), another was charged with sexual molestation and must now register as a sex offender for the rest of his life, the rest of his children have completely cut him off, wanting nothing to do with him.

I'm not saying that if they had continued in counseling that everything would have been perfect and these problems would not have occurred but I think it is ironic that the very thing he convinced his wife would solve all of their problems seriously contributed to his moral failure and the subsequent behavior of his family. I'm also not saying that the computer was his main problem. His main problem (in spite of claiming the name of Christian) was old-fashioned selfishness. He was not allowing God to transform him.

I'm writing this to you to ask you a few questions:

Into what are you pouring your time, energy and money?
Have you convinced yourself that possessions will bring your happiness?

Or have you invested your life into accountability, honest relationships and seeking God's will for your life?

God is very clear about His will: It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit.

I have heard that this man is now trying to repair the damage he has done and is trying again to live a life that is pleasing to God. I find that encouraging.

Please pray for him.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

1 Comment

You never know what's on that street

4/22/2013

0 Comments

We were visiting Amsterdam, exploring shops and the canals. At one shop on the canal there were the most beautiful flowers you have ever seen. It was a wonderful day. Everything was perfect. We were walking hand-in-hand enjoying Amsterdam. Kinda like two kids at a zoo. Excitement. Fun. Happiness.

The next thing I know, Karyn says, "don't look right." So, I put my right hand up to block my view. Then she said, "don't look left." So, I put up my left hand to block my view. So, now, I am walking down this street on this beautiful day looking like a horse with blinders. I said, "what's going on?" Karyn said, "we've stumbled into the Red Light District." I dropped my hands and looked around and yep, she was right. There were some windows with scantily clad women beckoning us to come in. We promptly turned around and left that street.

You ask, "how in the world didn't you know that you were entering the most famous Red Light District in the world?" Well, it was still bright out, even though we didn't realize the sun was starting to descend. If it had been dark, we would have seen the red lights warning us that we had wandered into "adult" territory.

So, what does this story tell us about temptation?

Well, I was certainly glad that I had my wife with me. She saw things up ahead that I hadn't noticed. She loves me and wants to protect our marriage. So, if you are doing something new, something you have never done before, it would be good to not be alone. Because you never know what is on that street.

The person you take with you needs to be committed to holiness and purity. S/he needs to be able to stop you when you start to go somewhere you shouldn't be going. Because you never know what is on that street.

Temptation sneaks up on you when you least suspect. We were having a great time. Exploring Amsterdam, enjoying the sunshine and building memories. Then, boom! There it is. Right in front of you. Sometimes, we are lulled into complacency or feeling really good and then we are blindsided. Temptation can come from anywhere. You know why?

Because you never know what is on that street.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

0 Comments

Pedophilia is a medical condition

4/8/2013

2 Comments

As a young boy, Paul Christiano loved the world of girls — the way they danced, how their spindly bodies tumbled in gymnastics.

In adolescence, as other boys ogled classmates, he was troubled to find himself fantasizing about 7- to 11-year-olds.

His desires remained stuck in time as he neared adulthood. Despite a stable home life in suburban Chicago, he was tortured by urges he knew could land him in prison.

"For having these feelings, I was destined to become a monster," he said. "I was terrified."

In 1999, Christiano was caught buying child pornography. Now 36, he said he has never molested a child, but after five years of state-ordered therapy, the attraction remains.

"These people felt they could snuff out the desire, or shame me into denying it existed," he said. "But it's as intrinsic as the next person's heterosexuality."

In the laboratory, researchers are coming to the same conclusion.

Like many forms of sexual deviance, pedophilia once was thought to stem from psychological influences early in life. Now, many experts view it as a sexual orientation as immutable as heterosexuality or homosexuality. It is a deep-rooted predisposition — limited almost entirely to men — that becomes clear during puberty and does not change.

The best estimates are that between 1% and 5% of men are pedophiles, meaning that they have a dominant attraction to prepubescent children.

Not all pedophiles molest children. Nor are all child molesters pedophiles. Studies show that about half of all molesters are not sexually attracted to their victims. They often have personality disorders or violent streaks, and their victims are typically family members.

By contrast, pedophiles tend to think of children as romantic partners and look beyond immediate relatives. They include chronic abusers familiar from the headlines — Catholic priests, coaches and generations of Boy Scout leaders.

Other pedophiles are "good people who are struggling," said Dr. Fred Berlin, a psychiatrist who heads the Johns Hopkins Sexual Behaviors Consultation Unit. "They're tortured souls fighting like heck not to do this. We do virtually nothing in terms of reaching out to these folks. We drive it underground."

Studying criminals

Some of the new understanding of pedophilia comes from studies done on convicted sex criminals at the Center for Mental Health and Addiction in Toronto, where researchers use a procedure known as phallometry to identify men whose peak attraction is to children.

A man sits alone in a room viewing a series of images and listening to descriptions of various sexual acts with adults and children, male and female, while wearing a device that monitors blood flow to his penis.

Like men attracted to adults, nearly all pedophiles respond most strongly to one gender or the other — females far more often than males.

In searching for causes of pedophilia, researchers have largely dismissed the popular belief that abuse in childhood plays an important role. Studies show that few victims grow up to be abusers, and only about a third of offenders say they were molested.

Scientists at the Toronto center have uncovered a series of associations that suggest pedophilia has biological roots.

Among the most compelling findings is that 30% of pedophiles are left-handed or ambidextrous, triple the general rate. Because hand dominance is established through some combination of genetics and the environment of the womb, scientists see that association as a powerful indicator that something is different about pedophiles at birth.

"The only explanation is a physiological one," said James Cantor, a leader of the research.

Researchers have also determined that pedophiles are nearly an inch shorter on average than non-pedophiles and lag behind the average IQ by 10 points — discoveries that are consistent with developmental problems, whether before birth or in childhood.

In a 2008 study, Cantor's team conducted MRI brain scans on 65 pedophiles. Compared with men with criminal histories but no sex offenses, they had less white matter, the connective circuitry of the brain.

The evidence also points to what Cantor explained as "cross wiring": Seeing a child sets off the same neural response that men typically experience around an attractive woman.

More evidence of brain involvement comes from scattered examples of men with brain tumors or neurological diseases affecting inhibition.

In one case, a 40-year-old teacher in Virginia with no history of sexual deviance suddenly became interested in child pornography and was arrested for molesting his prepubescent stepdaughter.

The night before his sentencing, he showed up at an emergency room with a bad headache. An MRI revealed a tumor compressing his brain's right frontal lobe.

When the tumor was removed, his obsession faded, according to Dr. Russell Swerdlow, a neurologist on the case. A year later he again became sexually fixated on children. The tumor was growing back.

This post was written by Alan Zarembo of the Los Angeles Times. For the original post, go to: http://articles.latimes.com/2013/jan/14/local/la-me-pedophiles-20130115

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

2 Comments

Dealing with lust

4/2/2013

1 Comment

- Own up to your lust and admit it is a problem that needs to be controlled. Don't excuse it. Don't rationalize it away. Just be honest with yourself.

- Don't feed your lust. Cut out anything in your life that feeds it. Don't dwell on thoughts that foster it. Dispose of all sources of stimulation that provoke your lustfulness.

- Develop alternative diversionary strategies. Find a hobby or activity that you can turn to when your feelings of lust become overwhelming.

- Change your beliefs about sexual lust. Remind yourself that pictures are only pictures, not people, and that you don't have a right to take anyone you desire to bed with you in your imagination.

- Observe how others who have allowed their lust to go too far have fallen and learn your lesson from their failures, not your own. Prevention is better than cure.

- Try to find the underlying reason for your lust, beyond just blaming it on your "strong sex drive." Lots of men have a strong drive, but are not dominated by lust. Were you love-deprived as a child? Sexually abused/dominated? Getting these repressed reasons out into the light can help free you from their hidden power.

- If you cannot bring your lust under control, get professional help.

Adapted from The Sexual Man: Masculinity without guilt

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

1 Comment

<<Previous

Can a single guy masturbate "safely"?

Lust control

Love, lust, intimacy and the church

Affair fallout

Steps that lead to an affair

Why going to church is bad for you

Computer or counseling: Which is better?

You never know what's on that street

Pedophilia is a medical condition

Dealing with lust

Rules for commenting:

Categories

Archives

IRONSTRIKES

Men Forging Men