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3 ways to revive a marriage stuck in a rut

9/4/2017

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From time to time, every married couple gets stuck in a rut. It can happen for many different reasons, but the results are similar: ruts leave us feeling like life has just become “blah.”

Fortunately, this is totally normal–and you two can work together to break out of your rut if you’re willing to put in the effort. Today, we’ve put together 3 ways to revive the excitement in your marriage.

It’s important that you and your spouse work together to shake things up. Even though you might feel like you’re in a rut, your spouse might not; the important thing here is that you don’t make this personal, because it happens to everyone.

This rut isn’t necessarily anyone’s fault; it’s about some routines in your life you’d like to liven up. It’s not necessarily about your spouse, about you, or about your children. Communication is key here, so treat one another with kindness, understanding, and love as you move forward.

1. TAKE STOCK OF YOUR CURRENT ROUTINE.

If you feel like your life is on autopilot, you’ve probably spent a fair amount of time stewing over it already. So, hash things out with your spouse. Whether you need to make a list together or just talk it through, get clear on the areas of your life where you’d like to have more variety.

Here are some common areas that can fall into a slump:
  • Date nights
  • Meals
  • Shared activities
  • Outings with friends
  • Sex
  • Daily routines
  • Family time
If the two of you mutually agree that certain parts of your life feel like they’re in a rut, prioritize those areas first and start making changes at whatever pace works best for your family. If you can only take baby steps, that’s fine–but start taking them now.

If you disagree, see if you can find a happy medium that will work for both of you. Is there something you can both compromise on? For example, let’s say your spouse has a cooking routine that he or she follows for meal prep every week and you want to shake it up–but your spouse is resistant. Work together to land on a few meal ideas that could fit into the existing routine instead of changing it completely.

Breaking out of a rut takes work, but it’s well worth the effort. Ready to liven things up?

2. BREAK YOUR ROUTINE…ON PURPOSE.

Once you and your spouse have decided on what areas in your life need a little extra spark, it’s time for action. Here are a few ideas for the areas we listed above:
  • Date nights – Too comfortable going out to the same places over and over? For an entire month, commit to trying out new destinations for your romantic date nights.
  • Meals – Try at least one new meal at home every week. It’ll allow you to hold onto the stability of your existing routine, while throwing something and exciting into the mix.
  • Shared activities – Instead of going to the tennis court for your daily exercise, why not try biking together? Make a list of a few new activities you’d like to try, pick one, and go for it.
  • Outings with friends – If your outings with other married couples have fallen into too predictable of a routine, suggest something new. For example, if your weekly get-together has always involved playing cards, ask if your friends might be up for a different game instead.
  • Sex – It’s not uncommon to let outside responsibilities reduce our sex lives to a predictable pattern. Set aside some extra time alone together and break that routine!
  • Daily routines – If you feel like you’re just going through the motions everyday, find ways to make your routine more pleasant when you’re starting your day. Maybe you’ve got it down to a science, but it just feels boring; why not play some new, upbeat music to make it feel more exciting?
  • Family time – Not feeling very creative when it’s time to go out with the spouse and kids? Ask the kids for ideas!
Once you’ve begun changing your usual pattern around–even if it’s just in a small way–you’ll start to feel reinvigorated and more excited about life.

3. PLAN TO BE MORE SPONTANEOUS.

We know, we know–it sounds crazy. But if you and your spouse plan to be deliberately spontaneous more often, spontaneity will actually happen! (And, it won’t feel contrived.) Set yourself a reminder on your calendar every week to do something out-of-the-blue that will be fun, romantic, or exciting for you and your spouse.

Most of us crave some measure of spontaneity in our marriages, but when it’s not happening, we don’t know how to address it. Even though it can feel strange to set an intention or make plans to be more spontaneous, it’ll pay dividends–we promise!

Life is busy and things can get mundane; sometimes, the only way to combat that is to decide you’re not going to let it stay the same. Don’t wait for one another to liven things up; talk about it, and then take action.

This post was written by Drs Les & Leslie Parrott.  For more information, go to:  http://www.lesandleslie.com

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5 ways empathy can cool marital conflict

7/24/2017

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Empathy is defined as the identification with and understanding of another’s situation, feelings, and motives. It’s a critical component to success in all types of relationships, but it’s particularly valuable in marriage, a place where peace and harmony are paramount to success.

Practicing empathy can effectively neutralize conflict and restore peace to your marriage. Here are 5 ways being empathic toward your spouse can benefit you both and nurture lifelong love.


1. EMPATHY OPENS YOUR EYES TO ANOTHER POINT OF VIEW.
When you empathize with a person, you put yourself in their shoes. You’re able to view things from their perspective. Empathy gets you out of your own head and gives you a chance to consider situations from a variety of angles. This is especially helpful when you’re working through conflict with your husband or wife.

When you’re in defense mode during a fight, you’re invested in protecting and promoting your own opinion on the issue at hand. It can be difficult to hear your spouse out when you’re passionate about making your point. But when you put empathy into practice, it can help you step out of that defensive stance and into a more open mindset.


2. EMPATHY HELPS YOU UNDERSTAND HOW YOUR SPOUSE FEELS.
Emotions run high when you’re working through conflict together, and it’s difficult to handle your own feelings, much less identify with your spouse’s. Practicing empathy will help you understand your spouse’s feelings, whether or not you agree with them.

Having a greater understanding of both of your emotions gives you a big-picture view of what you’re both dealing with. If you can get inside your spouse’s feelings, like fear or anxiety, you’ll be able to suss out ways to calm those emotions–or even make space for positive feelings to take their place. Empathy creates emotional safety, which will help both of you come to a resolution with as little pain as possible.


3. EMPATHY REVEALS YOUR SPOUSE’S MOTIVATIONS.
When you’re in the heat of battle (or just a simple misunderstanding), it’s all too easy to make assumptions about your spouse’s motives. Often, we decide–without actually asking our spouse–why they’re taking a certain position on a contested topic. Without empathy, it’s easy to fill in the blanks for our spouse. And unfortunately, we tend to assume that their motives are not in our best interests.

While you might not understand why your spouse disagrees with you, or why he or she made a decision you’re not happy about, that doesn’t mean they’re trying to hurt you. And when you step outside your own assumptions and leverage empathy instead, you’ll be able to see that more clearly.


4. EMPATHY KEEPS CONFLICT FROM ESCALATING INTO IRREVERSIBLE DAMAGE.
When you don’t have empathy for one another, a simple fight can descend into an all-out war. If you don’t check your reactions to one another, you could easily start hurling insults, calling names, and assassinating each other’s character. And these kinds of damaging reactions don’t do anything except run your marriage into the ground.

Being intentionally empathic will help you bite your tongue when you’re aching to scream at your spouse; it will keep your anger in check and help you think about what you say before you say it. If you’re in touch with your spouse’s emotions, you’re not going to want to say or do things to cause them more pain. Using empathy to guide your actions and reactions will never fail either of you.


5. EMPATHY CAN HELP REDUCE THE FREQUENCY OF YOUR FIGHTS.
Empathy is its own special brand of preventive medicine. While conflict in marriage is inevitable, showing empathy toward one another could actually help you to avoid unnecessary arguments in the future. And when you do butt heads, you’ll be less likely to let your conflicts escalate into a full-out fight.

This post was written by Drs Les and Leslie Parrott.  You can find their blog here:  www.symbis.com/blog/

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The married man and masturbation

3/30/2016

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Over my 35+ years of professionally counseling men, masturbation is something they tell me that they do even though they are married.  Here are some of the reasons voiced to me (not a comprehensive list):  1) I thought that I would stop masturbating once I got married (evidence suggests that initially masturbation does decrease upon marriage but returns to pre-marriage rates after a few years), 2) I have a stronger sexual appetite than my wife, 3) I need to masturbate to help me sleep or handle stress, 4) I can't break my porn addiction, 5) My wife has cut me off, we don't have sex very often any more, and/or 6) I'm away on a business trip and I want to lessen temptations and loneliness.

So, these reasons certainly make sense (except #4). This post will not address all 6 of these reasons (and others) but will just focus on a few.  

I have had men tell me that their pastor and other counselors tell them that it is ok to masturbate after you are married as long as you masturbate to your wife and you don't use porn.  On one hand (pardon the pun) I do agree with that.  The intent of that advice is helpful but it may not get at the reason why the man is masturbating.  

In some instances, it would be a mistake to masturbate while married, even to images or imaginations of one's spouse.  Of course this post isn't exhaustive and is speaking generally, but there are some trends that I have observed over the years in counseling men that can be destructive to a marriage and to a man and in many cases to a spouse.

One example I have seen is when the couple has trouble initiating sex.  So, the husband, rather than be rejected will masturbate than approach the subject with his wife.    They have have developed a pattern of approach and rejection, then anger and pouting and finally, the wife gives in or continues to say no (for various reasons).  So, some men, especially those who have trouble communicating, would rather circumvent the process by masturbating.  This ends up being masturbation out of anger, building a wall between the couple and resulting in neglect to the marriage.

Another example is when the husband wants sex more often than the wife.  This seems to occur especially after the birth of a child.  The wife sees her body differently and often has a difficult time seeing herself as a sexual person, a lover, and sees herself as more of a mother.

I've also seen disparity of sexual appetite occur when there is a temporary physical or emotional disability in the wife (permanent disability is another subject all together).  A temporary physical disability is easier for a couple to understand and usually the husband can be patient while his wife heals.  

The emotional disability is the one that concerns me most.  Now, I'm not talking about mental illness, I'm talking about a wife who has endured judgement & selfishness in the marriage over the years and her heart has gradually closed to her husband.  Typically, the wife has to do something drastic to get the husband to wake up about his behavior.  One way to do so is to slow down, or stop, sexual activity.  This may lead to all kinds of behavior by the husband, sometimes he has a godly response and changes, other times he continues his manipulation and the situation gets worse.  

So, when the husband tells me that he is masturbating due to his wife cutting him off, then a thorough investigation needs to occur about how he has treated her over the years.  Getting him to understand that his wife possibly has "emotional quadriplegia" for which he is responsible seems to help.  "If she got injured in a car crash and now was totally dependent upon you, couldn't even speak to you, would you be treating her like this?  If she had actual physical quadriplegia what would be your attitude, knowing that you got married for better or for worse?  So, it's gonna take time for her to heal.  Just like after a horrific car wreck you wouldn't expect her to be back to her former self after a week, she's not gonna all of a sudden want to have sex with you just because you have been a good boy for a month."

I've seen men in this last situation tell me, "I'll then masturbate to a mental image of my wife according to how I want her to be (or how she used to be)."  You see, in that instance, he is still missing the point...he is placing judgment upon her expecting that she must be a certain way for him to be sexually satisfied.

So, if you have been following Ironstrikes this week, you can see that masturbation is a complex issue.  It can involve supernatural activity, it can cause a man to condition his sexual response, it can cause a husband to be judgmental towards his wife.  

There is much more that can be said about masturbation but this is just a blog.  As time goes by, I may tackle other aspects of masturbation.  I'm more than glad to answer questions and use them in blog posts here at Ironstrikes.
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A sure-fire way to lower divorce rates

10/9/2015

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Then Judas and Silas, both being prophets, spoke at length to the believers, encouraging and strengthening their faith. Acts 15:32

Few things are more deadly to marriage than negativity – especially in its most alluring form of pessimism.

In fact, if couples could be given a vaccine against pessimistic thinking we would see the divorce rate all but drop off.

In a sense, you can protect your marriage against a pessimistic virus. All it takes is a little encouragement.

Some marriage partners see every problem as unsolvable. They believe one problem will ruin everything. So they quit trying. They give up, resigned to passivity. They raise the white flag and surrender to the problems of life they could otherwise beat.

A different group of spouses see their problems as mere obstacles, as challenges to overcome. They face a difficult situation at work or with a friend and work hard to work it through. They don’t give up.

Do you know the difference between these two groups of married couples? 

Marriage experts do.

Research has shown time and again that all it takes for many people to persevere in the midst of a difficulty is an encouraging word from their spouse:

“I believe in you.” 
“You have what it takes.” 
“You are doing great.”

​Seemingly small and insignificant, these simple statements almost go unnoticed. But not by the person on the receiving end. 

Encouragement brings strength and can make the difference between a spouse who gives up and a partner who perseveres.


In specific terms, how will you express a word of encouragement to your spouse today? 

this post was written by Drs Les & Leslie Parrott.  You can find their site here:  www.lesandleslie.com



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7 signs of a spiritual leader

7/9/2015

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Spiritual leadership is not an option in the Christian marriage. There is no opting out of the role God has placed on you as the husband. You may not be leading well but do not be mistaken you are spiritually leading your family. Now, whether or not you are leading your family to be stronger or weaker in the Lord, that is a different question altogether.

In this post, I am going to take the seven no-no’s from the previous post and show their contrast.


Here are seven signs a spiritual leader.

  1. A spiritual leader is generous and encourages his family to be as well!
    Generosity is a true sign of the spirit lead. Consider What the bible says about this. ”Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered.” – Proverbs 11:25  ″Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” – 2 Corinthians 9:7  ″Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” – Ephesians 5:1-2  This last verse being the most powerful in teaching us that as we imitate God we will give like God. God showed the most generosity to the world in paying the highest price for our souls, sacrificing his Only-begotten Son to pay for our sins. That is true generosity, giving to those who cannot repay. We can lead in this in a few ways. We can first and foremost be generous in our time, love and attention to our wife and children. Then we can be generous to those around us who need our help, time, talents and money.
  2. A spiritual leader encourages and uplifts.
    “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing” – 1 Thessalonians 5:11

    As my wife and I have been seeking wise and godly counsel on our parenting we have been learning a lot about this idea of speaking words of affirmation and encouragement. One phrase that we hear often is this, “90% encouragement and affirmation, 10% Correction and discipline.” In parenting, and in marriage this can be very quickly reversed but we must realize that our words are powerful and can make or break a person. How much more powerful do you think they are to our wife and kids?

    “Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.” – Proverbs 16:24

  3. A spiritual leader leads by example.
    “But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.” – James 1:22

    We must be willing to do what the Word says if we are to expect our wife and children to do the same. If you want your wife to respect you, then you better be walking out your part of Ephesians 5:25. If you want your kids to honor their mother, then you better honor her first.

  4. A spiritual leader knows the Word and teaches it to his children.
    “You shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” – Deuteronomy 11:19

    Yes, our wives will play an enormous role in spiritual and scriptural teaching to your children but you are the one commanded by the God to be the main spiritual influence in your kids lives.

  5. A spiritual leader has an even temperament.
    “Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.” – Proverbs 17:27

    There is only one time in scripture that you see Jesus, our great example, lose his cool. It’s when he goes into the house of God and overturns the money changing tables and whips out the hypocrites. Even then, Jesus was constrained and in fully in control of his limbs and mind. As Christian men and as spiritual leaders we must have full control of our temper and spirit.

    “Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” – Proverbs 16:32

  6. A spiritual leader controls his tongue.
    “If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.” – James 1:26
  7. A spiritual leader Seeks after God and his kingdom.
    Do you want to lead your family? Do you want to protect them and see them prosper? THEN SEEK AFTER GOD WITH EVERYTHING YOU’VE GOT.

    “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” – Matthew 6:33

Of course, there is so much more that goes into being a spiritual leader but this would be a good place to start.

I believe in you and know that God has an amazing plan for you and your marriage. Stay strong in the spirit of God my friends.


This post was written by projectaaron.  You can find his post here:  https://husbandrevolution.com/7-signs-of-a-true-spiritual-leader/



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7 things a spiritual leader does not do

7/8/2015

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I have been called to be the spiritual leader in my marriage and family. Because of this I am constantly seeking truth for what this looks like. I desire to lead my family in a way that brings glory to God and honor to His name. Although I often fail at this miserably, my failure does not stop me from pursuing this calling. I am truly convinced that we would see a revolution like no other if we took a stand in this dying world to lead our wives, children and even our communities, like christ.

Divorces in the church would disappear. our boys would grow up with strength and understanding of how to love like Christ. Our girls would be unwavering in their self-image and security. Families in the church would have less or even no debt and the joy in our homes and lives would be so appealing that others would desire to have what we have. I can only imagine what else will occur when the men step up to lead by the spirit. Instead of giving a list of things a spiritual leader does do I thought it would be beneficial to outline a few things that one does not do.

Here are 7 things a spiritual leader doesn’t do
    1. A spiritual leader does not live beyond their means!
      When leading by the flesh you do things the flesh wants such as purchasing things that you cannot afford. This causes you and your family to be in unnecessary debt and discontentment. The Spiritual leader knows when to say no to spending and yes to do everything possible to get out of debt.

      Make sure that your character is free from the love of money, being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, “I WILL NEVER DESERT YOU, NOR WILL I EVER FORSAKE YOU,” – Hebrews 13:5

    2. A spiritual leader does not talk down to people.
      Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” – Ephesians 4:29

    3. A spiritual leader never says “do what I say not what I do”.
      This is hypocrisy. Jesus warns against this in matthew 23. Lead by example in your home.

      Then Jesus said to the crowds and to his disciples: “The teachers of the law and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat. So you must be careful to do everything they tell you. But do not do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach. They tie up heavy, cumbersome loads and put them on other people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.” – Matthew 23:1-4

    4. A spiritual leader does not twist scripture to manipulate.
      If you have ever told your wife, “The bible says you are to respect me” then you are guilty of this.

      …Love does not demand its own way…” – 1 Corinthians 13:5

    5. A spiritual leader does not lose his temper
      Getting angry is one thing but letting full vent to you anger is another.

      A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man quietly holds it back.” – Proverbs 29:11

      for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.” – James 1:20

    6. A spiritual leader does not speak perversely
      Choose your words wisely.

      Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” – Ephesians 4:29

    7. A spiritual leader does not abandon his responsibilities
      Your wife and your children are your first ministry as a husband. Nothing but your personal walk with Jesus should ever come before them.
These may seem obvious but in my experience much easier said then done. We need to seek daily to lead like Christ only in, and through the power of the Holy Spirit. We need to be in the word of God daily in order to embed these truths into our hearts so that they will transform us by the renewing of our minds. Let us grow together and the spirit and in truth.

Which one of these are hardest for you?

This post was written by projectaaron of the Husband Revolution.  You can find his post here:  https://husbandrevolution.com/7-things-a-spiritual-leader-does-not-do/
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Mining gold in your marriage

12/5/2014

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Though you lie down among the sheepfolds, you will be like the wings of a dove covered with silver, and her feathers with yellow gold.  Psalm 68:13


At one time Andrew Carnegie was the wealthiest man in America. 

He came to America from his native Scotland when he was a small boy, did a variety of odd jobs, and eventually ended up as the largest steel manufacturer in the United States.

At one time he had forty-three millionaires working for him. In those days a millionaire was a rare person. Conservatively speaking, a million dollars in his day would be equivalent to at least twenty million dollars today.

A reporter asked Carnegie how he had hired forty-three millionaires. 

Carnegie responded that those men had not been millionaires when they started working for him but had become millionaires as a result.

The reporter’s next question was, “How did you develop these men to become so valuable to you that you have paid them this much money?”

Carnegie replied that men are developed the same way gold is mined. When gold is mined, several tons of dirt must be moved to get an ounce of gold. But one doesn’t go into the mine looking for dirt – one goes in looking for the gold.



"Truth, like gold, is to be obtained not by its growth, but by washing away from it all that is not gold." --Leo Tolstoy


That’s exactly the way spouses develop a positive and healthy relationship. It’s unhealthy couples that only see the dirt – the flaws, warts, and blemishes.

If you want a great relationship, look for the gold in each other, the good, not the bad.

Like everything else, the more good qualities we look for in each other, the more good qualities we are going to find. In fact, why don’t you take this opportunity to name one specific quality you see in your spouse right now.

This post is from Drs Les & Leslie Parrott.  For more information, go to their website:  http://www.lesandleslie.com




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Practical purity

10/3/2014

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I desire to be sexually pure. I want to be faithful to God, to my wife, to my family,  to my church, and to folks who read the blog. Here are some disciplines that I have found to help me to flee sexual temptation. These are not hard fast rules, each man is different, but this is what works for me:

Stay Close to God
I ask God to help me. I ask him to renew my mind. I ask him to keep the enemy away. I ask him to purify my sub conscience. I ask him to show me lies that I have believed, that have warped my sexuality. I ask him to heal me. He is faithful.  Staying close to God mean listening to His voice.  He knows when I’m tempted, and desires to protect me.  Staying close to God requires setting aside my rights.  If I sense a prompting from the Spirit to do something (like turn off the computer), I need to do it.  Staying close to God also means staying close to others who care – particularly my wife.

Be Accountable to my Wife
Almost every day my wife asks me this question, “Have you been good?”  Implicit in her question is whether or not I have looked at pornography or have entertained lustful thoughts. I can’t lie to my wife, and she can sense if I’m not fully honest.  So she keeps me accountable. I’m  thankful that I have a strong and confident wife who has the courage and strength to ask me these sorts of questions.  Word to the men out there: you can’t go alone.  You need someone else to keep you accountable.   If this issue is too hurtful for your wife (or if you’re single), you need some like-minded Christian men to keep you accountable.

Go to Bed on Time
This is kind of a no brainer, but it works. I’m most likely to be tempted when everyone else has gone to bed and when I’m tired.  If I go to bed on time, I avoid the temptation.  If I do happen to stay up late, my wife knows to ask me the question above.

Spend Time With My Wife and Family
One aspect of my personality is that I tend to focus exclusively on one thing at a time (like blogging!). Being focused is good when I want to accomplish a task, but it’s bad when it results in neglecting my family. It is a trait that can also lend itself to a selfish inward bent. And that bent leads to temptation.  So it’s important for me to set aside time to spend with my wife and family.  It results in stronger relationships with them, and keeps me from temptation.

Avoid the Triggers
There are certain triggers for sexual temptations.  With some deliberate planning I can usually avoid those triggers. The example above (going to bed) is one of them. Here’s another example: I enjoy reading news online. Some good news sites also promote articles on the side that trigger temptation for me – typically stuff about celebrities or fashion or whatever. Some of the worst are the English/UK news sites. So I liberally apply firefox addblock to block all of the images on those sites. No images, no trigger, and I can still read the news. Your triggers may be different, and you know what they are.  If not, ask God, and he will point them out to you.  Identify them and plan accordingly.

This post is written by fellow blogger, Kevin Jackson.  The original post can be found here.  It is reposted here with his permission.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.
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It's not "cheating"

10/1/2014

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He sat across the table from me, trying to convince me that his behavior wasn't hurting anybody.  "I'm not having sex, I'm just having some fun!"  He proceeded to tell me  his story.   It's one that I have heard many times.  Unfortunately.

His behavior started fairly innocently.  He was happily married but there were occasions that his wife would work late.  During these times, on occasion, he would call a "chat line."  The conversations started out innocent enough but he didn't realize that he was being fleeced.  God speaks about this.  He says,"with persuasive words she led him astray; she seduced him with her smooth talk."   The young lady on the other end of the phone started flirting with him and tapped into his ego.  The next time he called her, she talked about how wonderful he was and how he helped her not to feel so lonely.  A few calls later, the trap was sprung.   He gave her his credit card number so that she would "tell him things that she knew he wanted to hear."  His calls continued with greater frequency.  He would get out of bed where his wife was sleeping to call this young lady.  She was always available to him and would say things that his wife would never say.  

He started to feel guilty and talked to the young lady about not calling her anymore.  That is when she set the hook.  She told him that she was a college student and that she needed the money to pay for school.  She admitted that she did this with just a few men and that they "weren't doing anything wrong."  

He looked at me and said, "but, I'm not cheating!!! I'm not having sex with her.  We're just having a little fun .  No one's getting hurt and I'm helping her pay for her education."  

I cautioned him about his behavior.  I explained to him what such behavior leads to.  That's when he said, "funny you should say that...."  He  then proceeded with this all too familiar story:

This young lady suggested that they meet.  It was a town that he visited on business often.   She explained that she offered private services to help men feel more masculine and perform better in bed.  She explained that he would enjoy it as "most men do."  

He went to the house that she and several other young women (who were working their way thru college too)  used to "help men."  There was never any intercourse.  He was "learning how to let a woman be in charge."   He found these lessons exhilarating.  He paused in his story, "but, I'm not cheating!!! We aren't having sex and I really like how she makes me feel."  It's as if he was trying to convince himself more than he was trying to convince me.  

I would love to be able to tell you that this man conquered this illicit behavior but I cannot.  His life became a disaster.  

One night when he was talking to this young woman on the phone, his wife happened to be listening on the extension.  The next day, when he got home from work, he found his belongings on the yard, the locks changed and a court injunction prohibiting him from ever seeing his wife again.  The divorce proceedings were quick and he soon found himself on the street with no home.

I haven't had any contact with him since.  I don't know where he is and I don't know if he got help.  I do pray for him, hoping that he has turned to God and is living a life that represents Christ well.

Why do I tell you this story?  I guess you need to know that it is easy for men to rationalize their sinful behavior.   Men have a tendency to compartmentalize their behavior and think that their lives cannot be affected.  

God has something to say about this.  ‎"The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, a puzzle that no one can figure out. But I, God, search the heart and examine the mind. I get to the heart of the human. I get to the root of things. I treat them as they really are, not as they pretend to be."   

So, what is in your heart?  
Are you pretending?  
Ask God to give you a new heart.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.
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"Christian" swinging????

9/29/2014

1 Comment

 
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A Florida couple who claim to be devout Christians and lovers of exercise say they are joyfully spreading the love of Christ and the Bible through their unconventional wife-swapping and fitness ministry. The wife says she doesn't believe swinging is wrong, but if it is, she'll find out on judgement day.

Dean, 49, and Cristy Parave, 44, revealed in an interview with Barcroft TV (Caution: Note that the referenced video is a tad bit sensual)  to YouTube Thursday that they believe the community of fitness swingers they've created and promote on Facebook is "God's plan."

"I feel like right now this is God's plan," said Cristy to Barcroft TV. "The Bible doesn't talk about swinging, specifically. ... I just feel like, as a married couple, if you agree on something together then it's OK. If it's not, like I said, judgment day, I'll find that out."

Through their fitness swinging network Dean and Cristy, who is a bisexual mother of three, explained in a Daily Mail report that they have encountered swingers who are both religious and fans of exercise. Sometimes, however, they encounter people who are unsure about Jesus or are atheists. In these instances, they explained, they would have a light Bible study before they have sex.

"I don't think God would be mad at what we're doing," Cristy told the Daily Mail.


"At first I was conflicted, but the more we looked at it the more it makes sense to us. Dean and I are both in agreement with this lifestyle, so we're not committing adultery. God put people on the earth to breed and enjoy each other. I feel God is always with me and he has put us here for a reason," she said.

The couple, according to the Mail, met on a dating website eight years ago and Dean explained that, before meeting his wife and experiencing God, his life was an aimless, booze-filled nightmare.

"For me, every day used to involve a case of beer and a bottle of Jack Daniels," he recalled. "After my fifth arrest for driving under the influence, I begged God for help."

And God, he said, delivered him from an extended prison sentence.

"I should have been looking at 10 years, but the judge sentenced me to just 10 months in prison. For me that was a sign," he added.

Dean explained that he built a 40-foot cross in his backyard and committed to doing God's work for the rest of his life. And he found his ministry in swinging and exercise.

"If I can go to the next swingers event and get 10 people to believe in Christ, my job's done," Dean told Barcroft TV.

"Swinging, to me, started as a lifestyle. Then, it was like, you know what, we can do a lot of good with this, instead of, you know like, let's just have fun with this. I'm getting to people that probably would never even visit a church," he said.

"What I think about being a devout person is God is not gonna put a lion with a bunch of elephants, so what's he gonna do? He's gonna put a swinger with a bunch of swingers to spread his word, simple as that," he said.


(Editorial note:  Here at Ironstrikes, we don't believe that one can be a Christian and also a swinger)


This post was taken from the Christian News Network.  For the original post, go to:  http://www.christianpost.com/news/christian-couple-spreading-gospel-through-wife-swapping-and-fitness-i-dont-think-god-would-be-mad-says-bisexual-wife-127107/
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