Category: Sexuality - IRONSTRIKES

Male sexuality quiz: Answers

3/21/2014

Yesterday, we had a quick quiz on nine commons areas of male sexuality. Today, we are giving the answers.

1. FALSE. Some start as early as eleven. Generally, though it
is between fourteen and seventeen.

2. FALSE. Many physical reasons can cause impotence, including hardening of the penile arteries, disease, medication and hormonal fluctuations.

3. TRUE. Many elderly people report strong sexual interests into old age.

4. FALSE. Often psychological reasons (guilt) may inhibit orgasm but so can temporary stress in most men.

5. FALSE. Reflex circuits, such as when the bladder is full, can cause nocturnal erections.

6. TRUE. Forget about trying an aphrodisiac. The best love-producer is old-fashioned caring and tenderness.

7. FALSE. No evidence supports this belief. Sex serves many functions but normal sex does not drain energy.

8. TRUE. In older men, men with certain physical conditions or with certain medications, the ejaculant goes into the bladder (retrograde ejaculation) due to the valves not working properly. The ejaculant is expelled with urine. There is nothing wrong with this unless the man and his wife are trying to conceive.

9. TRUE and FALSE. Men have been known to have heart attacks during sex but also during sleep. Sex is no more risky than mild exercise but men should get treatment anyway for any heart problem.

Taken from The Sexual Man: Masculinity without guilt

Male sexuality quiz

3/20/2014

Here is a quiz to test your knowledge about male sexuality. Don't be surprised if you get many of the answers wrong. You're in good company, because many studies have shown that the average person knows little about sexuality and even less about male sexuality.

Answer True or False to the following questions:

1. The earliest age at which the average male adolescent has sexual intercourse is fourteen.

2. Impotence, or difficulty sustaining an erection, is always psychological in origin.

3. Sexual desire and sexual activity in the male often extend well into old age.

4. A man's failure to achieve orgasm is a sign of dysfunction.

5. When a man experiences an erection while sleeping it is because he is having a sexual dream.

6. There is no food or drink that is especially effective as an aphrodisiac.

7. Sex the night before a sports event will drain an athlete's energy.

8. A man can reach orgasm without ejaculating.

9. Sexual intercourse is dangerous for a man who has had a heart attack.

Tomorrow we will discuss the answers.

Taken from The Sexual Man: Masculinity without guilt

What is normal? - Answers

3/19/2014

Yesterday, we took a quiz on sex for men. Today, we will explore the answers:

1. Somewhat true. Regardless of what some say, many men say they felt forced into unwanted sex to either prove themselves or comply with peer pressure.

2. True. Data suggests that "very religious" men are more vulnerable to sexual sin than "religious men."

3. True. High cholesterol can inhibit full erections.

4. False. Men do not experience menopause. Hormones decline gradually but the majority of men remain sexually interested until they die. However, frequency of sexual behavior does decline.

5. False. At first, when married, men decrease the frequency of their masturbation. However, the behavior of masturbating to pornography that was learned in adolescence is often difficult to break.

6. True. Men in American culture are obsessed with giving and receiving oral sex. However, many women find this type of sexual activity quite repugnant.

7. False. When men get married, lust does not subside. Men must learn to redirect their arousal back to their spouse.

8. True. A sexually repressed upbringing creates excessive guilt around sexual feelings and may set up an obsessive need for masturbation.

9. D. Most men think about sex several times a day, often several times within the same hour. This does not change as a man grows older.

10. D. 70% of men complain that they don't get enough sex compared with 58 % of women.

11. B. The average American male has his first sexual encounter at age 16. However, as the age of puberty continues to drop, there are reports that many males have their first experience at age 11 or younger.

12. D. Most males have their sexual beliefs shaped by pornography. Pornography distorts a man's view of how women feel about sex and what can be reasonably expected from sex and sets them up for disappointment. Real women cannot possibly measure up to the air-brushed, color-enhanced, glossy photography that pornography teaches men is the standard.

Adapted from The Sexual Man: Masculinity without guilt

What is normal? - A quiz

3/18/2014

Men have many concerns. One of every man's concerns is wondering if he is normal, especially in regard to his sex life.

Ponder your answer to these questions, and tomorrow, we will discuss the answers:

The first eight questions are answered "TRUE" or "FALSE"

1. More men that women have experienced unwanted sexual intercourse.

2. More "very religious" men cheat on their wives than religious men.

3. Just as fat in the bloodstream can block arteries in the heart, so it starts to block blood flow in the penis preventing adequate erection.

4. Men also experience a male menopause.

5. After marriage, most men stop masturbating.

6. According to most sex counselors, what most men complain about is not getting enough oral sex.

7. Getting married remedies all the problems men have with lust.

8. Boys who were sexually repressed while growing up are more likely to become obsessed with masturbation and pornography when they are grown up.

Choose which answer you believe is most correct for the remaining four:
9. How often does the healthy, average male think about sex?
a) once a month, b) once a week, c) once a day, d) once an hour

10. How many men complain that they don't get enough sex?
a) 20%, b) 35%, c) 50%, d) 70%

11. The average age at which the American male first has sex is:
a) 14, b) 16, c) 18, d) 20

12. From where does the average young male learn about sex:
a) parents & siblings, b) friends, c) books, d) pornography

Adapted from The Sexual Man: Masculinity without guilt

Is fantasy healthy?

3/17/2014

Choose yes or no in response to the following questions:

Can you only become sexually aroused if you imagine having sex with someone other than your partner?

Do you use fantasy to make up for what you believe is missing from your love life?
When you are troubled or anxious do you tend to turn to sexual fantasies to forget about your problems?
Do your sexual fantasies involve activities that you wouldn't dare do in real life?
Are your fantasies such that you would never share them with your spouse?
Do your sexual fantasies occupy a lot of your working hours, taking you away from other activities?
Do you believe deep down that your fantasies hurt your relationship with your spouse, causing you to be unhappy or dissatisfied with your marriage?

If you answered "yes" to any of the previous questions, your fantasy life is not healthy and is undesirable. The more questions you answered yes, the greater a problem your fantasy life is to your sexuality.

Taken from The Sexual Man: Masculinity without guilt

Teaching your kids about sexuality

12/30/2013

Young children are naked and unashamed, quite often literally. They are fascinated with their bodies—who has what, why one child is a girl and another a boy. They have observations to share and questions to ask. Young children are ready to be primed, through needed conversation, for what it means to experience themselves as sexual beings who will one day be capable of sexual intimacy as faithful disciples of Jesus Christ.

Awkwardness often silences this conversation before it can begin. The vocabulary is off-putting. Do you use anatomical terminology for physical identification or slang terms? What if you introduce the words penis and vulva to your young children and they actual use them in public? The conversation is emotional. Many parents had no conversation with their own parents, or a bad one they do not care to repeat. Reality is our young children will not be young forever. They will grow up to be men and women with a capacity and desire for sexual intimacy. A conversation is needed to prepare them well. So how do we begin?

Choose Your Terms - It is important to decide the language for the conversation. Anatomical terminology models normalcy and encourages open communication. A boy has a penis and scrotum. A girl has a vulva and vagina. This reality is as normal as our having legs and arms. Anatomical terms encourage communication with caregivers, grandparents, doctors, and others who need to understand your child. Slang terms may be more comfortable, but may also lead to confusion of identification because there are so many. Choose your terms thoughtfully and purposefully because names have meaning and purpose.

Seek Out Support - Few parents have good models for this conversation. Support is available through books and articles. Before They Ask is a great resource for parents. The series God’s Design for Sex is a wonderful read for parents and families. Want face-to-face support? Form a group of parents in your church who are committed to raising children who are naked and unashamed with the prayer that they will use their body to the glory of God. Do you have questions? Maybe we can help. Above all, pray for knowledge and wisdom. God will equip a willing spirit for the task.

Start Where You Are - No one is ever ready for the full-blown conversation, but no one ever has to have “the full-blown conversation” at once if you make human sexuality an ongoing conversation, a natural part of life. We began with naming genitalia when our sons were just babies. You are in the middle of changing a diaper and your daughter touches her vulva. You simply name the body part she is in contact with, just like you would say “nose” when she grabs your nose. By the time she can ask questions, the conversation is already underway. Maybe you are potty training—perfect. Name his body parts used in the process as you encourage and instruct your little one. Are your children past all that? Get an age appropriate book to introduce the conversation. God’s Design for Sex offers The Story of Me and Before I was Born. Maybe you are pregnant or someone you know is. That is another great way to begin the conversation with your child.

Embrace the Questions - Your son finds a tampon or pad, and asks, “What’s this?” No need to re-direct or distract. Simply name the item in question. If your child is curious and asks for further explanation, briefly explain. “God made a special place in mommy’s body to grow a baby. Every month, a home is ready just in case a baby needs it. If there is no baby for the home, then the home is not needed. The home falls apart and leaves my body. This catches the home.”

Remember the Goal - The goal is not to name genitalia or be experts in human sexuality, but rather to encourage your children to live as they were created, naked and unashamed, with the hope that they will use their bodies throughout their lives to the glory of God. If you want this for your child, but experience emotions of discomfort or shame in regards to human sexuality, sort through your own emotions so you might be free to guide your child into the truth with love. This may be accomplished by an honest conversation with your spouse or, if you are single, a close friend. You might choose to work with a trained counselor. Whatever support or resources are involved, the goal remains the same—to know that we were created male and female, and God says it is good.

Prayer - Lord, grant us wisdom and courage to help our children claim the goodness of Your creation as male and female. May we raise children in the truth of your design, so that they may be free from sexual shame and confusion. Help us begin this needed conversation, so that it will continue from generation to generation bringing purity to Your children and glory to Your name. Amen.

This post was taken from the Seedbed blog, by E. Martin. For the original post, go to: http://seedbed.com/feed/a-much-needed-conversation-how-to-teach-your-kids-about-sexuality/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

Five Important Issues the Church needs to consider

12/12/2013

It has been said that the Church is not a museum of saints, but a hospital for sinners. Yet, most of us would much rather pretend to be a saint on display than call for an ambulance.

Week after week, many of us walk into a church, sit by people we have known for years and yet would never dream of sharing our innermost struggles with. While a large part of this is our pride, another factor is a Church that seems unwilling to talk about certain uncomfortable issues, choosing rather to ignore them, try to cover them up or simply reject people who bring them up.

There are many issues the Church as a whole needs to address, such as creationism, activism, environmental stewardship and many others. But there are many more issues that individuals in the Church are dealing with—issues that the Church Body should be talking about. In Galatians 6:2, Paul urged the Church to "Bear each other's burdens," so maybe with more grace and love we can turn on the light in the darkened rooms of each other’s hearts and let our churches become safe havens for the uncomfortable things we have to deal with.

Many of these issues need to be dealt with professionally first. But that should not be the end of it. Research shows just listening to someone and showing them you genuinely care for their situation can be a huge part of that person's healing process.

This is far from a comprehensive list—these are a few of the issues many people in churches around the world are dealing with, whether they admit it or not. And as people increasingly leave the Church, often over issues such as these, it is becoming more urgent that the Church talk about how to care for every one of its members.

Addiction - At AA meetings and therapy sessions, talking about addiction makes sense, but for some reason, it's not a topic most church people want to hear about. Certain addictions are definitely more socially acceptable to talk about than others. For example, it's OK to bug Frank about his smoking, but John's alcoholism is more hush-hush.

And yes, in many churches, a person's addictions can become fodder for gossip. However, if the Church were to first approach one another as family, then addicts in the Church might feel safer to be vulnerable about their struggles. Often, they just need to be loved and feel safe enough to know they can expose this part of themselves in a community where the addiction isn't crushing them every second.

Sexuality - Sex and sexuality tends to be a loaded topic in the Church. Certain corners of the Church have been very vocal in their broad condemnation of premarital sex, but that's where the conversation (for lack of a better word) tends to stop. We rarely engage the topic of sex on a personal, individual level. There's a generally accepted idea floating around that, once two people are married, they enter into a carefree, blissful lifetime of sexual fulfillment that needs never be discussed in any meaningful way. There are strong believers struggling with their sexual identity, brokenness and frustration in churches across the world, and among their Christian friends and families, they don't dare say a word about it.

I know of a few people in my life who love Christ and want to abstain from sin, but they are struggling with sexual sin or sinful desires. There are married couples for whom waiting to have sex turned out to be the easy part, as both parties brought into their marriage a series of expectations that turned out to be flawed. There are very few people they can share this with, but that also means they carry this burden alone. If many churches stopped treating sexual issues as a personal choice, where it could be turned on or off like a light-switch, then maybe we could start to create more safe places where people can share their burdens with each other and find out they're not alone.

Sincere Doubt - In many churches today, there are Christians, even pastors, who are struggling with doubt. They have absorbed all the recommended apologetics. They havecried out in prayer. They are struggling to believe that God is good or that He’s there at all, yet they continue with the motions. They put on the smile while setting up the coffee table. They mouth along to the words in the worship songs, but it all feels hollow to them. I know this because I’ve been one of these people.

One of the most vital ways the Church can handle doubt is to stop acting like everything about faith is obvious. The Church can recognize that we all have doubts from time to time, but we cling to a hope that's beyond rational explanation. Churches can also stop trying to hide the hard parts of the Bible under the rug or downplay the significance these ethically questionable parts play in a person's doubt.

Mental Illness - Those in our midst who deal with mental illness, either personally or second-hand, are typically silent about the struggles they experience. In our society, there still exist a lot of stereotypes about mental illness, and because people either don't want to deal with it or they've been hurt, they will choose to avoid opening up about it. The problem is, if these issues go untalked about, then they often will go unresolved.

In some churches, people who do reveal their illness will go without professional help in lieu of prayer. When prayer doesn't work, the person dealing with mental illness feels like a failure or like they don’t have enough faith. The Church needs to create an encouraging environment where people can be directed to right help and then receive spiritual healing alongside their physical healing.

Loneliness - There are droves of lonely people in the church, and that includes senior pastors and priests. The isolation comes from a lack of identification and identification comes through open communication. When we can be vulnerable and honest with one another, we understand each other in a profound way.

A lonely person may walk in to a church alone and leave alone each Sunday. Although they appreciate the free coffee and donuts the fellowship hall offers, what they really want is fellowship. Taking time to get to know the people around you and then reaching out to them outside of the church will allow for a greater, more stable community.

Of course, every church is different and while one church may be stronger in one area, it may be weaker in others. These are just a few issues that we as the Church Body need to be willing to address. And as we talk about them, we must remember to address them with humility, understanding and grace, keeping in mind our role as fellow hospital patients, not museum curators.

This post was taken from Relevant Magazine. For the original post, go to: http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/church/5-uncomfortable-issues-church-needs-start-talking-about

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

Earning Broken Trust

11/8/2013

Why should anyone trust me, having broken the trust that others had placed in me, due to my public sin and offense? In one, ultimate sense, you should only trust Jesus and no one else. The LORD Himself knows full well: "The heart is devious above all else; it is perverse -- who can understand it? I the LORD test the mind and search the heart, to give to all according to their ways, according to the fruit of their doings." (Jer. 17:9, 10 NRSV) "Deceit is in the mind of those who plan evil" (Prov. 12:20 NRSV). Each one of us has a devious, deceitful heart, and often we are unaware of the depth or degree of our own depravity. We have the ability to deceive not only others but also our own selves. Our God, however, cannot lie or be deceptive (Titus 1:2 NASB; cf. Isa. 45:19; 53:9; John 14:6); He alone can be objectively trusted (Ps. 4:5; 9:10; 25:2; 31:6, 14; 32:10; 37:3; Isa. 26:4; 1 Pet. 1:21). But let us not over-react, either. Many people can be trusted, generally, without the potential of psychological, emotional, or physical harm.

In another sense, though, if someone who committed a horrible sin, offense or crime grieves over that sin and by the grace of God repents and makes perpetual and successful efforts at changing one's mind, which will affect one's emotions, which in turn will affect one's behavior, that person may regain his or her integrity and earn back and continue to gain the trust of others. Even so, however, I think that people ought to hold such a person to more stringent standards in demonstrating his or her integrity -- especially if the offense committed was sexual in nature.

First, the apostle Paul informs us that every sin a person commits is "outside the body; but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body." (1 Cor. 6:18 NIV) Note the distinction the apostle renders sexual sin: it is set apart for its own category; it is a sin of the mind, the heart, and the body. Second, once a sexual offense has been committed, there will always -- always -- remain, even in a small measure, a potential for some sort of future offense, even if the potential offense does not mirror-image any prior offense committed. This reminds us to always perform good deeds, because whatever deeds we perform, whether good or bad, the likelihood of repeating those deeds becomes exponential once performed. Potential victims are to be protected and considered a priority over and above the feelings of a former offender. Third, what must be understood about those who have committed a sexual offense is that the offender is well trained at being deceptive. Think about this seriously: prior to my offense, no one knew that I was struggling with sexual desire for my seminary roommate, nor did anyone imagine that I was capable of behaving in any sexual or ungodly manner toward him. I learned how to hide my true feelings, my inner struggles, while maintaining the trust of others

So, how might one who has offended, whether sexually or otherwise, another human being created in the image of God regain his or her integrity and earn back the trust of others? I will give my amateur opinion, which I have learned from over a year and a half of therapy, and from much reading on the issue of offenses. Trust is always earned and rarely assumed. Once trust has been broken, earning or regaining trust can be very difficult, and in some circumstances can never again be achieved. Offenders of any stripe need to realize that people have a right to question our motives, our words, behaviors, actions, and to ask us difficult and pressing questions regarding our various interactions in any organization, whether societal or in the church. (This is especially true for anyone who has committed an offense against a minor.) What we really want people to see, however, is not that we can be trusted, as in some surface manner, but that we are daily striving toward making healthy choices mentally, emotionally, and behaviorally.

Moreover, our motive in this regard cannot be derived from an interest to maintain or be accepted in a leadership role, to serve on a committee where trust is a major component, or even so that others will think better of us. Certainly, we want others to not view us as monsters. However, what is most important for us is to consistently think, feel, and live a healthy, transparent, godly life. If this is our consistent experience then people will see the results for themselves; we will not incessantly cultivate a need for others to perceive us in a positive light, but will be satisfied within ourselves that we are living as we should, and trust the Lord that the results of godliness will shine through for His glory and for the edification of the Church. Through this long and arduous process we must daily remind ourselves that living a healthy and godly life is a process that will take many years and much striving. Our goal is always "no new victims."

In order to accomplish such a goal we must never fear or neglect the supporting structures in our life (Christ, prayer, Scripture, pastor, family, friends, the church); never fear transparency, since it is a helpful aid in the healing process; and never fear the time that cultivating a healthy mind and godliness takes.

Christ is more than willing to see us through on this journey to the end.

This post was written by William Birch. For the original post with comments, go to: http://classicalarminian.blogspot.com/2013/11/earning-broken-trust.html

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

One in 10 young Americans have committed sexual violence

10/15/2013

Nearly one in ten young Americans has committed an act of sexual violence, a new study in the journal JAMA Pediatrics reports. Of the 1,058 teenagers and young adults, ages 14 to 21, who participated in the online study, 8% reported that they had kissed, touched, or “made someone else do something sexual” when they “knew the person did not want to.” Three percent of teens verbally coerced a victim into sex; 3% attempted to physically force them into sex; 2% perpetrated a completed rape.

It’s long been apparent that teenagers face an elevated risk for sexual abuse. One 1998 study found that 12% of high school girls and 5% of boys have been sexually abused; a 1997 study found that girls ages 16 to 19 are “four times more likely than the general population to be victims of rape, attempted rape, or sexual assault." But this new report sheds light on the demographics, tactics, and attitudes of young sex offenders. One finding in particular stands out: The prototypical teen sexual abuser is a white male from a higher-income family.

Here’s what else the study found:

Demographics: Most perpetrators committed their first act of sexual violence at age 16. Boys are more likely to coerce or force others into sex than girls are (though girls offend, too). White kids and higher-income kids are slightly more likely to rape than their peers. Eighty percent of victims were girls; 18 percent were boys; 5 percent were transgender.

Pornography use: Teens who had watched porn were more likely to be perpetrators, but the discrepancy was “almost entirely explained by whether the material was violent in nature.” Teens who had seen non-violent pornography were equally likely to have committed sexual violence as teens who had seen none, but those who had watched material that “depicted one person hurting another person while doing something sexual” were more likely to be offenders (the study doesn't address causality).

Relationships: In every case, the victim was known to the perpetrator. Fifty-two percent met their victim at school. Three out of four perpetrators targeted a “boyfriend or girlfriend.” Two percent met online.

Tactics: Thirty-two percent of perpetrators argued or pressured another person into sex; 63 percent guilted them into it; 5 percent threatened physical force, and 8 percent used it. Fifteen percent employed alcohol.

Consequences: In 66 percent of cases, “no one found out” about the incident, and the perpetrator faced no consequences. Twenty-nine percent of perpetrators were found out, but were not punished. Eleven percent “got in trouble with their parents.” Just 2 percent—one perpetrator found by the study—was arrested. Seven percent of offenders said they felt “not at all responsible” for the sexual violence; 35 percent felt “completely” responsible; 48 percent felt “somewhat” responsible. Fifty percent felt that their victim was “completely” responsible. (Yes, the overlap confuses us as well.)

The study challenges several popular assumptions about teen sexual violence. Girls can be abusers, and boys can be victims. The study's authors suggest that in light of the findings on race and income, healthcare professionals "assess and perhaps challenge our assumptions about sexual violence as an ill solely conscripted to underprivileged populations." And given the significant proportion of crimes that were discovered but not reported—and the percentage of parents who took care of punishment in their own homes—the study speaks to the opportunity for peers, educators, and caretakers to take action when they discover that a young person in their lives has victimized another. The low percentage of punishment and the high percentage of perpetrators who blame their victims is not a heartening mix.

This post was written by A Hess. For the original post, go to: http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2013/10/08/one_in_10_young_americans_has_committed_sexual_violence_new_study_finds.html

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

Lady Gaga and Jesus

8/30/2013

When you set up a twitter account, you’re supposed to give a brief description of yourself that’s viewable for the public eye. My description states, “I blog about my journey as a missional funeral director. I’m the last person to let you down in Parkesburg, PA.”

Lady Gaga’s used to state, “Mother Monster.”

Queer theorist Michael Warner writes,

“Queer is by definition whatever is at odds with the normal, the legitimate, the dominant. There is nothing in particular to which it necessarily refers. It is an identity without an essence. ‘Queer’ then, demarcates not a positivity but a positionality vis-à-vis the normative.”

Lady Gaga is the embodiment of Queer Theory, not necessarily in her sexuality, but by her identification and normalization of “whatever is at odds with the normal.“

A quick scroll through her nearly 40 million twitter followers shows that most of them are “weird”, they are “the rejected” and the “monsters.” The kind of people that would walk through the doors of a church and be sneered at by the onlookers.

Many flock to her as their “mother monster” because she accepts, even normalizes the weirdness

the queerness

she embraces those who feel that they’re not apart of the “normal”

people that are broken

not whole

not legitimate

that are, in some ways, monsters.

People like … me.

Most churches would hate her. Most churches would hate her followers. They either couldn’t see past the lifestyle, couldn’t see past the way they dress or couldn’t see past the philosophy.

But not Jesus. In fact, a quick look at Jesus’ tribe and we soon realize that he too was the “Mother Monster” the One who made a mosaic out of broken pieces.

Mary Magdalene the Harlot.

John the Baptist.

Matthew the Tax Collector.

Peter the Zealot.

Thomas the Doubter.

Paul the Persecutor

Monsters. Rejected. All.

Lady Gaga’s tribe is strong. They’re strong because they’re united by their brokenness, by their “queerness.”

Like Jesus, Gaga has found one of the strongest bonds for community: not primarily sin, but rejection.

One of the main differences between Gaga and Jesus is that Jesus inaugurated his tribe through death and new life.

But, if Jesus was walking in America today, and if He was afforded the opportunity, I’d love to see his conversation with the “Mother Monster.”

I wonder if Jesus’ people have become too normal to embrace the rejects of the world? If we see Lady Gaga and her followers as the ones Jesus WOULDN’T want, maybe we’ve lost touch with the real Jesus and become too comfortable with a Jesus that doesn’t exist.

This post was written by Caleb Wilde. For his original post, go to: http://www.calebwilde.com/2013/08/lady-gaga-and-jesus-2/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.