A Christian friend of mine recently confessed on her Facebook page that she wouldn't be caught dead at Wal-Mart and then went on to make fun of the people that shopped there.  

That was bad.  

What was "badder" was that several people commented, making further disparaging comments about the people that shop at Wal-Mart.  


Their comments really hit me wrong.  

I think I know why.  I can see myself making the same comments.  Okay, maybe not the same comments, but I certainly think them.  

I have Christian friends who talk about the "ghetto Target" or the "poor people's Krogers" and they talk about how they would "never" go to "those kinds of places."  "Those are dirty places filled with dirty, rude people."

Then I think about the times that I prayed at the "fancy restaurant" and then was rude to the waitstaff.  

I have Christian friends who would "never ride the bus" because all of the homeless, poor people who ride the bus.   I hear, "I'm scared of those people.  I can't stand to be around them.  I can smell them before they even get close."

Then I think of times that I have ignored people I don't know and avoid people who are different from me. 

As I write this post, I'm having a hard time defining who I am writing this to. 

I want to say something to my Christian friends about their behavior.  
I want to tell them that Jesus would never act like that.  

But I can't say those things.  
I have no right.  
I'm just as guilty, IF NOT MORE.

LORD, forgive me.
Help me to be more like Jesus.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

BRIEF THOUGHTS ON OBSCENITY

I had a co-worker ask me yesterday why I don’t use cuss words.  He said to me, “I noticed that you don’t use any language that the other workers use.  You don’t say any obscene words nor do you talk about anything obscene.”  This opened the door for me to talk about Christ and how He transformed me when I was 17 years old.  I am no where near perfect (just ask my sweet wife) but I do love Jesus and I do long for the Spirit of God to transform me from glory to glory (2 Corinthians 3:18).  I praise God that He has changed me by His grace (2 Corinthians 5:17).

Why don’t I use obscene language?  I have many reasons but I will give briefly just a few reasons why I don’t.

1.  The Old Man Is Gone

I did use to cuss.  I cussed like a sailor.  I would use the Lord’s name in swear words and would blaspheme Him.  I got so use to cussing that I would often slip up at home in front of my parents and cuss when I was mad or made a mistake.  Cussing was a part of who I was.  But then Jesus saved and life was not the same.  He washed away my sins by His blood (Matthew 26:28) and He baptized me into His kingdom (1 Corinthians 12:13).  I became His disciple (Matthew 28:19-20) and my heart was to follow Him wherever He went and do all that He did (Luke 14:25-35).  He completely transformed me (2 Corinthians 5:17).  My mind was different (Romans 12:1-2; cf. Psalm 1:1-3).  My heart was different (Ezekiel 36:25-27).  My desires were different (Matthew 6:33).  My passion was for the Lord Jesus and for His glory (Philippians 1:20-21).  I immediately stopped cussing.  To me, cussing was what the old man did.  He was now dead.  I was now in Christ Jesus and was born again in Him (John 3:3-7).  The old man was gone (Ephesians 4:17-24).

2.  Let No Corrupt Word Proceed Out of Your Mouths

Ephesians 4:29.  That was what sealed the deal for me and cussing or any filthy language.  What is viewed as obscene words changes from culture to culture and from generation to generation.  It is not uncommon for people to say “hate” about all kinds of things or “stupid” to other people.  In our home, those words are almost not allowed unless used properly.  We don’t watch television in our home so my boys know nothing of filthy talking.  I rejoice in that.  I want my boys to follow my example and see that I don’t use the talk of the world.  My citizenship is in heaven (Philippians 3:20).  I am an alien and stranger to this land (1 Peter 2:11-12).  I don’t want the things this world wants nor do I want to talk like this world talks (1 John 2:15-17).

3.  Let The Words of My Mouth Exalt You

Psalm 19:14 says, “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer.”  I want my words to glorify Christ.  I am not perfect and I know that I say things that are not always pleasing to the Lord but my goal is perfection.  I want to exalt Jesus Christ in all that I say and do.  I want Him to be what the One that others see and hear when they see me (1 Corinthians 11:1; Ephesians 5:1-2).

I know these were brief thoughts but I pray that if you use obscene language, run to the Lord and ask Him to give you a new tongue that exalts Him.  Acts 2:4 says that on the day of Pentecost the disciples spoke in other tongues.  I am not getting into the Pentecostal debate here but there is something to be said about the fact that after the Spirit came the disciples spoke with other tongues.  I pray that all of us speak in a new tongue when we get saved.  I pray that the filthy talk that once was part of our lives is completely gone as the Spirit of Christ comes to abide in us.  I pray that our language is God-centered and exalts Jesus to others.  We are not reformed people but we are regenerated people by the Spirit of God (Titus 3:5-7).  Let us praise God in all that we say or do.

This post is written by my friend The Seeking Disciple.  You can find the original post with comments, here:  http://arminiantoday.com/2012/07/10/brief-thoughts-on-obsenity/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

The histrionic religious bad boy draws strength from superficial relationships with others.  However, the narcissistic religious bad boy is self-absorbed and wishes little to nothing from others, except that which confirms his superiority.  

This bad boy lives a self-admiring and self-sufficient way of life.  He despises weakness and dependency.  He draws his sense of security and satisfaction from being above others, disdainful of and superior to other people -- stronger, brighter, more beautiful, wealthier, less fallible, and certainly more important than others.  

The narcissistic religious bad boy is a master of exaggeration of his own accomplishments.  He arrogantly overstates his accomplishments and pretentiously shows off a blatant self-assurance.  If indeed he is a person of remarkable good looks or high intelligence or has mastered a skill, art or a profession, then he can make the case for himself stick; it seems plausible.  

However, the capacity for self-evaluation and self-criticism is absent.  If this man becomes a self-absorbed leader in the church, he is likely to project his narcissism onto a large screen of public adulation, which reinforces his feelings of superiority.

This man lives a life of entitlement.  To expect him to show genuine gratitude is like expecting a person with no arms to shake hands with you.  He has a real spiritual deficit:  a lack of the awareness of grace and an incapacity for gratitude.  This entitlement even extends to God.  St. Augustine's quote, "Good men use the world to enjoy God, whereas bad men use God to enjoy the world" describes his spiritual snobbery.  This man seeks to control God.  It doesn't occur to him to yield control of his world to God.  Religion is magic and the narcissistic is the magician.  He tells himself, "I can tell God what to do and He will bless all my ideas."  Essentially, this bad boy is above God.

In the church, this man is full of big ideas couched in glowing terms but little detail as to how to put these ideas into specific, concrete action.  When told to "put up or shut up" this bad boy will fake it, make elaborate promises, fall into misunderstandings with "inferior" people who don't understand his genius and/or make scapegoats of others.  

This man has loyalty tests for those with whom he shares his dreams.  If your loyalty does not meet his standard, then you are no longer trusted with his dreams and your relationship with Christ is questioned.  He wants people to commit to him with unwavering loyalty to him & his ideals and wild ideas.

Elaborate explanations of what God has "done for me" causes people to ask themselves, "Why is he so special to God?"  He has information that arises out of "private talks" with God and uses that information to manipulate and coerce others.  The narcissistic bad boy thanks God that bad things don't happen to perfect people like himself, because God gives him preferential treatment.

How can the church help the Narcissistic Religious Bad Boy?

These individuals only ask for help when faced with a serious loss or are in serious trouble.  Narcissists are a bundle of creativity that need the taming of God's Holy Spirit.  They are a challenge, but it takes an inner awareness that they frankly say about themselves what many others carry as their secrets.  We can thank God for a certain naiveté and guilelessness in them.  That is a rare metal in the human spirit.  But it has to be mined and refined over a period of time by gentle nudgings and confrontations.  IF we do not write them off or give up on them, they just may learn (1) that we can be counted on thru thick and thin, and (2) that if anybody is going to break the relationship between us, they will will have to do it.

Much thanks to the deceased Dr. Oates from whom much of this information is taken.  His seminal work Behind the Masks should be read by those in positions of leadership in the church.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

"Of all bad men, religious bad    
          men are the worst."  

This quote from C.S. Lewis in his book, Reflections on the Psalms, addresses an issue in the church that is frequently overlooked by Christians.  People who are not Christians have no trouble with this quote and believe it wholeheartedly.  However, in the church we tend to overlook bad behavior from our brothers.  Are our churches just some sort of fraternity where we overlook these "imperfections"?  God's Word states that individuals that wink,  to signal that one is in the club, to get away with something are dirty, rotten scoundrels.   Unfortunately, these men have crept into the church.  God's Word describes them as waterless springs and twice dead.

This week and next we will be discussing different personalities that are in positions of authority in the church.  Remember that the individuals in these posts are fictitious.  However, as we go thru some of the behaviors, you will recognize them as actual people that you have encountered in the church.  I know.  I have met each of these men.  You may even recognize yourself in some of these men. I know that I recognize elements of these men in my own personality and it concerns me.  If they are you, ask God to change you.  Only HE can give true, lasting change.

Here are some of the men we will be discussing:  The Histrionic Religious Bad Boy, The Narcissistic Religious Bad Boy,  The Anti-Social Religious Bad Boy, The Passive-Aggressive Religious Bad Boy, The Avoidant Religious Bad Boy, The Overscrupulous Religious Bad Boy and The Chaotic Religious Bad Boy.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

"The back seat of my car can morph into a movie set (they’re usually filming some sort of Lifetime drama), a competitive arcade (we have more gaming electronics than HH Gregg), an MMA cage fighting ring (yes, the pastor’s kids know how to throw down), and even a courtroom (complete with opening arguments, character witnesses, and passionate cross-examination).

And all this in the 6 minute ride from our house to school each morning.

Three kids, two miles, one back seat. As chauffeur, it’s a strange mix of irritating and entertaining. Irrirtaining? As usual, my favorite display will undoubtedly erupt from the 6 year old.

“Emma, watch me blow a snot bubble with my nose.”

“Emma, look at me!”

“Emma!”

“Arghhhhhhh…..Emma! Look back here now!!!!”

“Dad, would you make Emma look at me!”

He’s demanding. Attention. Love. Acceptance. Approval. Laughs. And when big sis doesn’t give it to him, he starts to lose his mind. “Make her give it to me, dad! Make her! Make her!”As adults, we’re not much different. Just (well, sometimes) a bit more discreet. When someone ignores us, disagrees with us, disapproves of us, we absorb it so personally. And out of our deep insecurity we respond with indignation, shaking our fist (figuratively or perhaps at times Metta World Peace-ably) in the face of our offender…

“Love me!”

“Approve of me!”

“Respect me!”

“Agree with me!”

“Accept me!”

The only problem with this approach is that it’s both emotionally exhausting and completely ineffective. The more we demand love and respect, the less the other party desires to give it to us. It creates distance, not connection.

So here’s a little trick I learned from a good friend that’s given me immense freedom in this area of life. When someone disagrees with you, shames you, ignores you, refuses to give you what you want – don’t shake your fist and demand it.

Smile. Laugh.

Seriously, it’s simple and it’s empowering. Makes you much more comfortable with who you are, and much less likely to absorb the rejection you’re feeling inside. Sure it stings, but you can handle it. And the acceptance you’re longing for is much more likely to come if you’re respected. No one runs toward a whiny beggar.

God doesn’t demand love from us, so why should we try and demand it from others? It you have to force it (dad, make her look at me!), it’s not real anyway.

Is there someone who’s love, approval, and acceptance you long for? Are you trying to demand it?"

This post was written by Erik Cooper, an all around good guy and pastor.
For the original post with comments, click here

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN