I love movies.  I love getting the scoop on upcoming movies.  That has led to reading entertainment and movie magazines and adding movie blogs to my blog reader.

I have found movie trailers and even reading information about upcoming movies to can be a trigger.  Movie companies push the buttons we like.  For the teen and young adults it’s the action scenes, fast clips, and amazing CGI monsters.  For women it’s the romantic story, the hunky guy, and the story of love lost and love found again.  For college-aged kids they show parties out of control, sexual adventures, or the forever popular “guy or gal who has to lose their virginity before leaving high school.”

For those of us with a sexual appetite, trailers always seem to have the hot girl or guy and the glimpse of a sex scene.  My buttons are the sexy clips and the teasing of a sexual or romantic story.

RED-BAND TRAILERS
Have you heard of these yet?  Redband trailers are “R-rated” trailers that could include heavy language, violence, gore, or sexier scenes.  Redbands are popular and accessible.  It’s another marketing technique that plays on our desire to explore the “forbidden”.  The trailers themselves can be trigger, but the idea of watching a video that’s too rough for the TV or movie theater is also triggery.

SOME SIMPLE STRATEGIES

If trailers are triggery for you too, let’s strengthen our purity strategy around them.  Here are some tips:

1. Don’t watch movie trailers or sneak peek scenes online.
2. Stay away from redband trailers.
3. Talk about this trigger to your accountability partner or spouse.
4. Stick with safer movie sites like PluggedIn.com and CommonSenseMedia.org to research movies.

For the movie theater

1. Come 10 minutes late to the movie or get your seats and step out for the trailers.
2. Focus on the seat in front of your or the corner of the screen if a trigger scene comes on.
3. Stop going to R-rated movies, which have the strongest trailers.

Struggles with movie trailers may not the same as porn and masturbation struggles, but they are all part of our purity strategy.  We are working toward “no hint of sexual immorality” and to develop pure minds.

This post was written by Jeff Fisher.  You can view the original post here:  http://porntopurity.com/blog/2012/09/04/tough-trigger-movie-trailers/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

"I'm only gonna throw seed where it's gonna grow.  I don't want to waste my time on those who aren't gonna grow..." was the conclusion the pastor came to when he finished his sermon on the parable of the sower. 

This pastor was an amazing man. I had served on the church board with him and supported him to the church body.   The church had grown tremendously under his care.

Having just returned from the mission field after a year of service, things were noticeably different now in my church.  He seemed focused on the building project and being selective about his time.  Before, he was generous with the gospel and one could easily get in contact with him.   But now, he seemed secluded and sequestered.   He seemed unapproachable.

In my quandary, I sent a short letter to the missions board with whom I was just serving under asking for advice on how to deal with this pastor and church that I loved.  The next thing I know, that letter had been passed to the bishop, then to the superintendent, then to the pastor.  

The pastor called me into his office for a discussion.  

Unfortunately, this discussion did not go well and my loyalty was questioned and I was placed on "probation."  The next Sunday, the fellowship time before church was very arduous.  I recall a group of my friends standing in a circle and I came up to the circle to talk with them and the group dissipated.  I went to other friends and they were very short with me and discussions seemed strained.  I believed that it was my own paranoia and my perceptions so I gave it time and prayer.  

The following week a letter to the church from the board came out and my signature (as a board member) was on the bottom with other board members.  I knew I had neither approved of nor signed it and I asked the pastor about it.  He said, "oh, we have your signature digitized on the computer so we put it on there."  I told him that I was very uncomfortable with my signature being used without my actually signing it or approving of it.  Again, I was accused of not being a team player.

For the next few Sundays, it became increasingly difficult to attend.  Other board members would hardly speak with me, friends that I had in the church no longer acted like friends.    As this was a church in a denomination in which I was raised, this was difficult and I needed a firm answer from God if I was to stay or leave. 

It was agonizing.

I was waiting and praying for God to tell me what to do.  I attempted conversations but was repeatedly rebuffed.  The pastor would not meet with me.  I loved this church, this pastor and the people who attended there.

One Sunday, after church, as we were driving away, I looked back at the church and I saw a hand with a branding iron emblazoning the word "Ichabod" above the doorway.  I thought about Ichabod Crane from The  Legend of Sleepy Hollow.  I had no idea what the vision meant.  I had no idea that Ichabod was a biblical name, especially a name with a specific meaning.

Interestingly, that week, in my personal Bible study, I came upon this verse: "She named the boy Ichabod, saying, "The glory has departed from Israel"..."
Well, the verse hit me hard.  It was clear what God was saying.  Reluctantly, we started to attend another church.  About a month later, the pastor sent me a letter saying that he was sorry that I had left but understood why and wanted to reassure me that people wouldn't be bothering me about attending.  So, he tipped his hand.  He inadvertently let me know that he had told people about me.

 That hurt.  I had no idea what he told people about me.

As I write this, and the experience is well over 20 years ago, I still feel a loss.  

Interestingly, I heard that the pastor and this church left that denomination and became an independent church.   

The church is very large and appears to be helping a lot of people.  So, I don't know what it all means.  

I do know, however, that God was very clear with me about leaving.  I'm not saying that the church is bad or the pastor is bad.  I'm just saying that particular church was not for me.  There are a lot of good people in that church, people who earnestly want to do what God desires.

I still pray for God's direction in that church.  

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

Yesterday, we were discussing my choice at a restaurant with a female co-worker.  Do I choose to walk her to her hotel room and risk rumor or do I not so as to avoid any gossip?  Do I choose to honor her or protect my reputation?  It should be noted that she apparently did not have designs for me, she was wanting me to help send a message to a man who was engaging in  sexual innuendo.  

So, why the tire? Let me use this tire to illustrate the decision-making model.*  Imagine at the center  is my desire to please God in all that I do.  That is the axle  of this model.  Now, imagine this tire divided into three parts.  Each part representing the three goals of Ironstrikes. All of these goals are admirable and God-honoring.  However, I was now faced with my personal integrity or honoring a woman , a choice between two good, yet seemingly conflicting goals.  

This tire, separated into three parts, the three goals, is constantly on the move.  For the tire to sit still and lay flat on one goal results in an out of balance tire.  It will become flat if it doesn't rotate.  At times, one goal is hitting the ground, at other times, another goal is in play.  So, in following this illustration, no goal has precedence over the other.  In making this decision, I had to keep those three goals in mind with full consideration of the axle, pleasing God, as the central basis.  Pleasing God is what these goals revolve around.  

Getting back to yesterday's story, I told my female friend that I would be glad to walk her back to her hotel room.  As we went back to the table to conclude the conversation, I was praying about my decision and asking God for His wisdom.  "Lord,  did I make the right decision?  Is honoring my friend's request more important at this moment than protecting my reputation?"  The answer came pretty clearly.  

Now, lest you think I'm crazy, no, I didn't hear God's audible voice.  I felt a calm, a real peace at this decision and then in my head, God spoke thru my thoughts, in my own voice I heard, "You do what is right and I will protect your reputation."   

We dismissed ourselves and I walked her back to her room.  It was about a 15-minute walk.  We got to the hallway that led to her room and she thanked me and went to her room.  I then went to my room and called Karyn letting her know what happened so if she heard any rumors, she would know the truth.  

So what do you think?  Did I make the right decision?  You may be thinking, "Dale sure made a big deal out of nothing."  Maybe I did, maybe not.  However, I learned how little things can become big things.  I'm hoping that my example encourages you to be sensitive to God's leading in your life.

I am indebted to my parents who devised this decision-making model.  I have altered it here to fit this illustration.

*I'm not really happy with this tire as an illustration.  If someone who is better at computers than I can diagram this for me, I would greatly appreciate it.  Please email the diagram as an attachment to drwayman@ironstrikes.com

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

If you check out the home page of this blog, you see that there are several principles for men to follow.  The third principle is to respect and honor women.  What do you do when this principle seemingly conflicts with other principles?

Let me  illustrate.  When living in Europe, I was on a business trip kilometers away from Karyn, my wife.  Several of us went to a restaurant to have a meal.  Over time, the group dwindled down to me, a female colleague and two other men.  One of the men was dropping hints on the female saying that he wanted to see if her hotel room was bigger than his, to see her dog that she had back in her room, and other "seemingly" innocuous things.  

I excused myself for a moment and as I stepped out of the bathroom to head back to the table, the woman was standing there at the door.  She told me, "I don't know if you've noticed but "George" is hitting on me.  I am really uncomfortable with him doing that.  Could you make sure that I am not alone with him?"  

She and I had become fairly good friends, we both had similar supervisory positions in the same company and I was kind of mentoring her since she was new to the position.  I said to her, "what would you like me to do?"  She responded, "when we  back to the hotel (we were all staying at the same hotel), could you walk me to my room?  That will discourage George and he will get the message I don't want him in my room."  

I had no reason to believe that she had designs for me, but being a male with a big ego, I was taken aback for a moment.  I had to make a decision.  Which is more important at this moment?  To respect and honor my female friend's request and risk people thinking I went to her room or choose to not be alone with her and avoid even the appearance of evil? 

Tomorrow, we will discuss how I came to my conclusion to this dilemma.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.