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Monster movies and pornography

3/31/2015

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“See? Told ya. Only one way to kill a werewolf.”  – Rudy from The Monster Squad

I was five when I saw my first PG-13 movie.  For some reason the older kid in the neighborhood out of his own good graces invited my juvenile self and a buddy over to watch The Monster Squad.  It’s a super dated teen monster movie from the 80’s.  A surprising fact, it never won an Oscar.  I know, I couldn’t believe it either.  Anyway, onto the plot:  A band of buddies find themselves battling a horde of monsters with Dracula as the ringleader in order to save the world…kinda like Goonies but with mummies and vampires.  The genius of the film (if I can use such a phrase) is in the scenes where the kids are determining what weapons are appropriate for which monster.  They spend time arguing about the necessary accoutrements for killing a vampire and so on.  On one occasion, a kid named Rudy proves himself right by successfully taking out the werewolf with a silver bullet and then exclaiming, “See? Told ya. Only one way to kill a werewolf.”  Now, how in the world am I planning a segue from a terrible 80’s B-movie to porn?  Well, for those who didn’t know, this blog is a very belated ‘part 2’ of my previous blog, “All In the Family:  Lust and Her Ugly Cousins”.  In that post I sought to resource you with practical ways to experience freedom from lust’s stronghold.  But practicum does us no good if we don’t know the type of monster we’re dealing with.  You can’t really talk garlic and crucifixes until you’ve decided it’s a vampire and not a werewolf in your living room (trying to stay relevant for all my Twilight readers).  So I want to talk ‘big picture’ in this blog.  What’s really at the heart of our battle with lust?  Just what sort of monster are we dealing with here?

For a while I thought about sin, and in particular my porn addiction, as a violation of God’s law, the 10 Commandments.  I was committing various crimes against God’s standard and thereby indicted myself before a holy God.  My sin, my monster was primarily an activity-based issue.  Of course, the point of this blog is not to deny that.  The Bible is profoundly clear that our sins are activities of the mind and body against God’s perfect standard, His Law.  But I believe there to be an even more profound lens through which we can understand the monster of sin and in this case, lust:  Sin is not just a violation of Law, it is a violation of appetite.

The Old Testament is one giant train wreck of sin.  We get two good chapters and then the earth goes to pot.  I don’t just mean Adam and Eve.  I don’t just mean those pagan nations that all end in the suffix –ite, either.  I mean the nation for which God selected for Himself, Israel.  It took about 34 seconds after God led them out of slavery in Egypt for them to start grumbling against Moses and God because they were hungry.  Then you arrive at the 10 Commandments scene.  Moses comes down from the mountain, having been with God for 40 days receiving His Law to find the nation having a giant orgy and worshipping a bunch of earrings they melted down to look like a cow.  Fast forward to the years of the Kings.  These kings are charged with leading the people of God into obedience of God’s statutes.  They were to be models to the people of grace and servant-hood.  Instead, they were some of the biggest criminals of all:  erecting statues to false gods, practicing unspeakable sexual immorality, some kings even sacrificed their own children to idols by burning them alive.  Greed, murder, deception, idolatry, adultery, theft and pride riddled this people.  And then, we arrive at the Prophets, where God spells out His indictment against this vile nation.  Jeremiah, the weeping Prophet, doesn’t get two chapters into his book before he lays before the people what God believes to be their crimes.  I was shocked by what I read.  I expected a laundry list and what I got instead was two charges.

“My people have committed two evils:
they have forsaken me,
the fountain of living waters,
and hewed out cisterns for themselves,
broken cisterns that can hold no water.”  (Jeremiah 2:13)

Wow.  All the things God could have said, and He chose instead to boil their crimes down to two things:  They forsook God, the fountain of Living water.  And They tried to drink from wells that could not satisfy them.

Maybe we’ve struggled so long under lust without experiencing real freedom because we didn’t understand what type of monster it was.  We thought we could beat it with silver bullets but we didn’t realize we were battling Dracula, not the Wolfman.  We’ve attacked lust by trying to choke it out with willpower, self-denial and the like, but we haven’t considered that maybe the solution is found in quenching our thirst in Jesus, the fountain of living water.  Our monster is one of appetite, and to beat it we must satisfy our appetites in the person of Christ.  This is the solution.  This is the only solution.  Our wooden stake in the heart of sin.

Jesus once said to a crowd of people “I am the bread of life;  He who comes to me will never hunger, and he who believes in Me will never thirst.” (John 6:35)  I’m gonna go out on a limb and say Jesus is telling the truth.  He really can satisfy us in such a profound way that our hunger for sin will wilt away.  There is a way to not hunger and thirst for lustful images by feasting on the Satisfier, Jesus.  Take Him at His word.  Sit with Him daily.  Read the Scriptures and allow Him to leap off the pages at you.  Speak to Him.  Listen to Him.  Invite Him to fill your soul with water that quenches and bread that fills.  Maybe for the first time in your life, you won’t need to fear your monster anymore.

This is a reprint from a blog post written by Christian song writer and performer, Jimmy Needham.  For the original post go to:  http://www.jimmyneedham.com/2012/07/what-monster-movies-and-porn-have-in-common/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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Mental telepathy and Christianity

3/30/2015

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I was doing some marriage counseling with a seasoned missionary couple, John & Jane.  They had been married around 25 years and were having some problems on their mission field that was affecting their marriage.  They were having questions about whether they needed to return home or stay where they were stationed.

Jane was trying to show how connected she was to John.  She made an interesting comment, “we can read each other’s minds.”  I asked her for proof of how she knew this.  She stated, “I was alone on the subway in Paris and there was a man who was drunk and acting very unusual.  I was scared, so I yelled “John, help me!” in my mind.”  John immediately spoke up, “And I heard her.  We were several stops away from each other, but I heard her say “John, help me!” in my mind.”

I recently read of a popular pastor, I won’t mention who he is, but he is reported to have said, “when someone talks to me, I have like a little movie running in my mind about what they’re thinking while they’re talking.  So, I know when they’re lying.”  This pastor stated that this is a gift that God has given him, that he has the spiritual gift of discerning spirits.  

In both of these instances we have earnest, Bible believing Christians who seem to have some unusual abilities.  If these were taken outside of the Christian realm, people would say that these two instances are examples of mental telepathy.  So, is it possible that in these two instances we have examples of Christians engaging in a behavior that is not biblical?  

Nowhere in God’s Word do you see examples of people speaking to each other telepathically, nor do you see instances where someone was able to read someone’s mind.  Only God can read our minds (note there may be an exception in I Cor 14:25 and Acts 5:3, yet it is clear in both of these instances that the Holy Spirit is an intermediary). 

In the instance of the missionary couple, it was identified that they had made an idol of their relationship.  Slowly, they came to the realization that when one is in trouble, calling out to God to help you is the proper response.  Who/what you reflexively turn to in times of trouble is taking the place of our LORD.  God is our first line of help.

In the instance of the pastor, stating he has the ability to tell when someone is lying, that is quite iffy.  That, to me, sounds like an ability that is not God given.  Nowhere in God's Word do we see instances of someone reading someone's mind.  

Now, one can discern thru past experience and training in observing human behavior with reasonable probability that a person is lying.  We also have instances where people ask God about people's motives, dreams, etc and God answers.  The point is that God is always the mediator.  To leave God out of the equation is to elevate oneself about God.

In closing, I heard about this instance which, to me, seems much more Biblical.  A young woman was in trouble with a man who kept giving her a difficult time, pressuring her for money, sex and other things.  She turned to God for relief.  She asked God to help her.  She received peace that God answered her request.  Upon her prayer, her Uncle heard during prayer, "your niece is in trouble, you need to go right now to help her (he did not hear his nieces prayer but rather God's instruction)."  He went to help her noting that God responded immediately upon the young woman's prayer and that the Uncle responded immediately to God's instruction.  It was a faith builder for both of them and others who heard their story.  God was put first in this instance, not someone's ability.

That is God-honoring behavior.  The young woman prayed to God, the uncle received instructions from God.  


God is our first line of help.


BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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Sunday Meditation

3/29/2015

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"I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son'. . . But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him."  Luke 15:18-20

It is difficult to think and feel about ourselves in Godly ways. Many of us think that the prodigal son got it right. He had a well-practiced speech: "I am no longer worthy". How like our speeches to ourselves! If you hear about your unworthiness often enough, especially in childhood, and if you internalize the speech thoroughly, it becomes a part of you. Many of us know this particular speech so well that we can feel unworthy for no particular reason. We do not feel unworthy because of something we have done or said. We feel unworthy because of who we are. Many of us even think that the more unworthy we feel, the more likely the Father will be to welcome us back home!

But the Father responds quite differently from the prodigal's expectations. The Father was 'filled with compassion' and he ran to his son and he kissed him. When the prodigal finally got his speech out, the Father did not spend time arguing the point. Instead he 'honored' the son with a robe, a ring and a feast. He treated the prodigal in ways designed to build a very different kind of self understanding. 

Our goal is to learn to think and feel about ourselves in ways that are consistent with the way God thinks and feels about us. God's perspective is a surprising contrast to our own. God does not join our internal chorus which is so persistent at proclaiming our unworthiness. Instead God says "You are my child. You are loved!"

Lord, I have not learned to think and feel about myself in healthy ways.
Teach me to think and feel about myself 
in ways that are consistent with the way you think and feel about me!
Help me to listen when you say "I love you".
Help me to take it in.


Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan
National Association for Christian Recovery

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7 truths that are often forgotten

3/28/2015

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Many of us get into our daily routines, and simply try to survive the ups and downs of life. Occasionally, we find time to have social contact with others to keep our sanity in tact, and we fit in the seldom attempted vacations to allow our minds to drift as somewhat of a reboot. A reboot that is absolutely needed…perhaps needed more than we allow it for ourselves. There is nothing inherently wrong with this idea, but as we live life it is easy to go about our days in a trance and at times we are jolted into reality by something that catches our attention…something that is worth our energy. Other times, we may allow ourselves to drift to the confortable topics of life, and forget very important details to make way for other things in our minds.

I think, today, we need to be reaquainted with 7 Truths That Are Often Forgotten. These are not necessarily connected to one another, but 7 things I have been reflecting on lately.

Disagreement does not mean hate

I have seen the scene play out so many times on social media. Someone will bring up a topic in which there are strong opinions. Things usually start in a very civil direction, then someone with no skin in the game interrupts the constructive flow of debate and puts emotion into the mix. This leads to name calling, and a mutual feeling of distrust among persons of opposing views. Why does this need to be the case? I have a great friend who does not believe in God or the authority of scripture. We have been in wonderful debates, and have not flipped sides on most issues we have debated. We love each other dearly and would fight for each other’s right to have the opinions we hold closely. Do I hate him? Of course not! The topics have been controversial and culturally divisive in nature, but at the end of the day we realize that it is sometimes healthy to disagree. I’m not even saying “stay open minded”, because I think that is a worn out cliche’. I am saying recognize the human on the other side.

If it were all about you; there would be chaos

No matter what walk of life you find yourself in, it is an attractive temptation to attempt to create a life that simply caters to your every comfort. Life simply works better when we do things to honor and serve those around us. You may feel as if you “deserve more” from this life, but if we were to be honest and look at ourselves truthfully; how many of of us actually deserve much of anything? The way I look at it, the grace of God surpasses what we truly deserve and gives us abundance. That should be worth something. Let’s live in the flow of generosity and seek fulfillment through sacrifice. Living as eternal consumers will only discourage us.

More is not always better

I have seen a trend among Christians that bothers me. When more money, influence, or territory is aquired we automatically call it “blessing”. That’s not the biggest part of my pet peeve though. The frustration comes when one of those things is taken away. The tendency is to shake our fists at the sky and ask God why He took it away. As if it was all a cruel joke. Let me throw something out there for you to think about. Could it be that God never gave you this in the first place? Now, before you start getting upset, please know that I believe God gives us material blessings at times to use for His glory. So, therein lies my contention…Maybe the ones you are concerned with losing were for your glory and by your resources. Not always…but just think about it. We must become okay with less if we are to understand and appreciate more. We must be willing to give all if we are to be fully blessed with much.

Patriotism is not the same as Christianity

I don’t care if you were born with a gun in your hand, wrapped in the American flag, and were raised solely by bald eagles during constantly looped episodes of the A-Team. Being patriotic does not mean you are a Christian. Period. Following Jesus is much more important than following anyone or anything else. I definitely love America…for all of its faults there is, relatively, not as much to complain about…but let’s drop the unofficial contest in American Christianity today that feels the need to one up each other regarding patriotism. Put Christ back at the center.

Isolation feeds evil

It doesn’t matter if you are introverted or extraverted…isolation is dangerous. As a pastor, I can tell you hundreds of stories where people have pulled away from vital support, fellowship, accountability and encouragement and their lives went downhill tremendously. They became reaquainted with old vices, and the old negative self-talk that they had grown out of rose from the ashes like the mythical phoenix. Now, I know what you are thinking. Isn’t it okay to get away by yourself from time to time for some much needed relaxation, prayer, and reflection? Yes. That, however is called solitude and is a very healthy practice involving a focused effort to get closer to God.

Celebrities are not moral guides

Say what you want about religion, the church, or the Christian community, but it is easy to see that many people outside of the Church behave in a similar fashion. What do I mean? Well, for example, there are many who think it is crazy that a group of people would meet regularly to sing together and to listen to a message (that to them is brainwashing) and give money to an organization for nothing in return. I laugh at this description because I have been to some pretty wild concerts in my day. What does this have to do with the example above? Every rock concert I have been to is filled with people who wear t-shirts sold by the bands they idolize, so they all look similar, and who agree with whatever the celebrity on stage says. Many of these devotees spend a large portion of their hard earned cash to be present at a concert every week and are even a part of small communities that value the same type of music. My point is that if we are to pick a moral guide it would not be wise to choose based on celebrity status. A redemptive community is one that is more healthy to associate with.

Radical Christianity may be what is needed

The hard part about this point is the fact that when many of us hear the word “radical” we think of bombings, beheadings, and bullies in communities overseas. Radical simply means to gravitate toward the source or original root. If we are to be world changers in our faith then we must do more than agree with a prayer we prayed when we were 13 years old. We must be sacrifical followers of Christ. We must desire for lives to be changed. We must have the burning passion to give the love away that overflows within us. The world will see us and great things will happen. Let’s seek the source once again.

Let us not forget these truths as we are going about our daily business.

You are loved. Don’t forget that either.

This post was written by Rev Landon DeCrastos.  To go to his blog, go here:  http://other-words.net/2015/03/20/7-truths-that-are-often-forgotten/


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The Macho Man

3/27/2015

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There is a difference between being masculine and being macho.  Masculinity is our healthy expression of the uniqueness of being created a man in God's design.  The behaviors of a macho man are instead unhealthy expression of the stereotypes of masculinity lived out in their most extreme forms.  The macho man perverts true masculinity.  He pretends to be strong by acting aggressively and creating about himself an image of power, both of which mask the deeper reality of the insecurity within.  The truly masculine man knows who he is in God and enjoys a healthy integration of this emotional, intellectual, physical and spiritual nature. This wholeness comes from knowing and responding to the truth that he is fully loved and accepted in Christ.  The masculine man in Christ is truly set free to become all that he is meant to be.

The macho man lives out an image of manhood that emphasizes only one small part of what it means to be male.  He pretends that it is possible to live life with a constant erection.  But, our physical genital reality reminds us that we are only sometimes hard.  Most of the time, we are are soft.  The majority of our lives is lived out as penis, not erected phallus, and this is normal and proper for men.  Think of what it would be like in actuality if we had to live the whole of our lives with an erection.  This is a grotesque image.  Yet it is the kind of masculine image many macho men attempt to convey thru their personalities as they relate to those around them.

It is far healthier and more productive to recognize and celebrate the broader dimensions of our masculinity modeled for us most completely by the man Jesus, our loving LORD.   As He demonstrated, a man's strength is not rooted in violent aggression or in an obsession with worldly power, but in the Godlike power of sacrificial love.

A man is not weak, but strong, when he wisely chooses to live the predominant portion of this life with his sword in his sheath.  This is not a man feminized.  This is a masculine man who has given up the false god of proud machismo and has delivered his complex and diverse masculine personality into the hands of God to be shaped by the demands of love.

This post is taken from Temptations Men Face.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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Why your prayers aren't answered

3/26/2015

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Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

Peter is very clear here.  



As husbands we are to:

1.  Be considerate as we live with our wife - Do you put up roadblocks to her happiness and to her success?  Being considerate is thinking about how to make her life better and easier.  Being considerate is acting upon those thoughts.  Consideration is asking, "can I do something for you?" and "is there something you need done?"  Consideration is trying to anticipate her needs and doing them before she asks.  

2.  Treat our wife with respect - Being respectful is treating her like she is the most important person in the world.  Having the niceties that a gentleman displays:  Saying please, thank you, excuse me, etc.  To respect her is to honor her.  Do you dishonor her with your actions?  Do you take her for granted?  Do you tell your children how wonderful she is and that they need to respect her like you do?   Are you brave enough to challenge your children to treat her like you do?

3.  Remember that she is an heir of the gracious gift of life - Most importantly, she is a child of God.  The Maker of the Universe, the Creator, has made her uniquely to serve His purposes.  Do you treat her like a Christian sister?   Do you encourage her spiritual growth?  Do you encourage her to spend time with other godly women?  Do you offer to take care of your children so that she can have some alone time with God?

"Christian husbands and wives share a common experience of grace and a common destiny of salvation.  A husband must honor his wife since she, as much as he, has access to God's grace in Christ.  In addition, since husbands and wives are partners together in grace, a husband's relationship with God will be affected for good or ill by his relationship with his wife.  When husbands treat their wives with consideration and honor, they are true to the nature of grace.  They are acting as God's people, and thus their relationship with God may be deepened through prayer (p. 1193)."

Peter is very clear here: 

If you don't honor your wife, your prayers will be hindered

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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Treating your wife like a guy

3/25/2015

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Can you imagine a husband making a funny joke and then, at the punchline landing a solid jab to his wife’s shoulder? Of course not. It’s out of place (and perhaps domestic abuse). However, in the context of a male friendship such behavior is widely practiced and acceptable. What’s the difference? (I’m about to get profound here…) Simply, women are different then men. Husbands and wives are different. And this is a good thing, something to be celebrated.

However, it is also apparently an evasive truth. One of the most common non-spiritual, basic, counseling I give to a husband is: don’t treat your wife like a guy. Believe it or not, men seem to forget this fact about as often as we leave our dirty socks on the floor. One of the chief areas this is seen is the area of romance. Many men think that they can woo their wives by treating like men. We think that we can just snap our fingers or just jump right to physical intimacy without any regard for emotions.

Guys, this doesn’t work.

WE NEED TO KNOW THEM

Instead, what is right and what does work is understanding. Peter reminds husbands to live with their wives in an understanding (or knowledgeable) way (1 Pet. 3.7). Therefore, it is helpful to know what makes them tick. While I realize this task is virtually impossible to master it is possible to improve upon.

C.J. Mahaney once said something that really stuck with me, in reference to marital romance, “Before you touch her body, touch her heart and mind.” What is he saying? He is saying, you better not treat her like a guy! She is different. Therefore, if you know your wife, if you understand your wife, then you have got to do and say things that truly reach her heart.

Here are some suggestions.

THE KITCHEN SINK IS A PRETTY ROMANTIC PLACE

One of the ways husbands can do this is through service. I truly believe that some of the best romance in a marriage can happen at the kitchen sink. Instead of sitting around like a piece of furniture when you get home from work, husbands can go to the sink and help with the dishes or cleaning in the kitchen. As you are doing this you can talk about the day and serve by cleaning. Here you are entering into your wife’s world, listening, learning, and helping.

FACE TO FACE TIME IS INVALUABLE

Another way to learn your wife is to actually sit down and talk to her. And, talking while walking with your back turned or while checking the football score doesn’t count. I’m talking about eye to eye talking.

I should also stipulate that it is not always a good idea to talk all about yourself here. Remember you are trying to serve and learn your wife, therefore, listening and learning are good things to do. (Also be sensitive to your wife who loves you and wants to hear about you. Don’t be cryptic, nondescript, overly negative or prideful. Serve her by talking thoughtfully.)

One of the most treasured times in our evenings are when I get to sit and talk with Christie. When I get to hear her talk about her day and the various things the kids did. I am reminded of her love and sacrifice for them and she is reminded of my love for her and the children. This is a good and valuable time.

DATING THAT ENCOURAGES COMMUNICATION

Another way to learn is to go on dates with your wife. This is pretty obvious. However, a lot of guys take short cuts here. Too many guys are not thoughtful enough here. Going to movies, games, or double dates are fun but they don’t always deliver the level of communication and emotional intimacy that you may be after. If this is the extant of the dating, over the long haul, I don’t think it is going to really help the bottom line. Again, it works great for guys to hang out with one another but marriage requires a bit more thoughtful and intentional work.

BOTTOM LINE IS BEING THOUGHTFULLY INTENTIONAL

The bottom-line for guys is that we have got to be intentional in the romancing of our wives. We cannot become complacent or lazy. We cannot plateau or go backwards. It’s not an option.

One suggestion I have in addition to the above is to ask your wife how you are doing. Does she think you treat her like a guy? Does she think she is the most important person in the world to you? Does she feel like you know her? How does she rate your ability to romance her?

Listen, I don’t have this stuff all figured out. Trust me, these questions convict me too. But I know that my wife is worth it and I want her to feel and know she is loved. I trust many of you husbands can relate. Therefore, takes some time to think, chew on it, and then get to work. And if it’s helpful maybe you can punch me in the shoulder next time we bump into each other.

This post was written by Erik Raymond.  You can find the original post with comments here:  http://www.ordinarypastor.com/?p=10596


BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.



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Sleeping alone

3/24/2015

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"We haven't shared our bed for over 20 years," the man told me.  This man came to see me for counseling as he was at the end of himself.  He was running out of faith.  Faith in his marriage, faith in his wife, and ultimately faith that God could fix his situation.  He was on the verge of suicide.

He told me an interesting story.  The problem started rather simply as many young marriages do.  "We were having a fight one evening.  I don't even remember what it was about.  But we were really steamed at each other and I decided I was going to "punish" my wife.  I told her that if she was going to act that way, I would just sleep on the couch."  Over time, this couple learned to handle their conflicts in this distorted, disrespectful and damaging way. God says that this type of behavior is sinful.   Sometimes, his wife would take the initiative and "punish" him by sleeping on the couch.  Over time, there was less forgiveness, less tolerance and less sleeping together.  After a while, they stopped sleeping with each other altogether.  His wife decided that she didn't want to share their bed with a man who was so unforgiving.  So, she decided to move into the spare bedroom.  God has stated that this type of behavior is unacceptable.

By all outward appearances, this couple was envied by their friends.  This couple had a terrific facade.  They both led very active lives.  He would spend time with the boys watching sports and hanging out.  Her friends became more important to her than her husband.  People were so observant of their ability "to let each other enjoy themselves without tying the other down."  

There were problems that were creeping in unaware to this couple.  Their children noticed that at home, dad & mom would hardly speak to each other.  They noticed that there parents would each go to their respective bedrooms in the evening and watch TV.  They noticed that, at home, there was a lack of love and joy.  However, the children also noticed that when they would go to church as a family, that all seemed good.  At first the children enjoyed going to church because it felt like then they were a family that really loved and cared for each other.  However, as the children became teenagers, they noticed the hypocrisy that their parents displayed.  Their parents were one way at home, one way with their friends, and another way at church.  When the children would talk to their friends, they came to realize that their parents really didn't love each other.  It was all an act.  

It was his son that awakened this man to what was really happening.  His son casually said, sarcastically, "when I get married I want to have a wife that I don't love too, Dad."  This man was so floored by his son's hurtful statement, that he didn't even know what to say or do.  He just broke down and started crying.  He asked himself, "what have I taught my children about love and marriage?"  He realized that the last 20 years of his life have been a sham.  That's when the feelings of despair and hopelessness set in.  That's when he first started contemplating ending his life.  Fortunately, this man sought help for his situation, deciding to get counseling for himself.

Now, the recovery from 20 years of denial and lovelessness is a long and arduous journey and I won't get into the issues that this man needed to face in counseling.  However, I share his story to stop you and make you think...

How are you treating your wife?  Have you two gone so far as to not share the marriage bed anymore?  Maybe you haven't done that physically but emotionally.  Do you sleep together, side-by-side, each nite and wonder why you're married, not feeling as if this person to whom you are married is even worth staying with?  Have you given up on your love internally and just live a sham marriage?  

Let me encourage you today.  A pastor of mine used to say this frequently in his sermons, "it's never to late to do the right thing."  So, if you've gone a long time (or even a short time) and haven't been cultivating the love and romance in your marriage, be a man and take the first step.  Swallow your pride. Apologize to your wife for discarding her.  Work on valuing her.  Let your kids see you two in love.  Get help and talk to your pastor or a Christian counselor.


BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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God comes thru....again!!

3/23/2015

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“You’re fat!  You don’t know how to sing!  What kind of Christian are you?!  Nobody likes you!  You're too old!”  I heard this accusing voice in my head while I was getting ready for church that morning…  Interspersed between these negative statements, I heard the song, “We serve a mighty God” by Jon Gibson playing in my head as well.  

As I was hearing these warring voices in my head, I felt my emotions going awry.  I starting praying, asking God to give me relief.  I haven’t felt like this for quite a while.  I started to think, “why am I feeling this way?“  Some reasons came to my mind:  I hadn’t slept much the night before, approximately five hours of fitful sleep, I had been so busy that I hadn’t had much time to spend with Karyn, I had not been practicing my music for praise team that Sunday even though I knew the songs, I had been so busy that I hadn’t been praying as much as I usually do and I had narrowed my awareness of God’s activity in my life, etc...  I just kept running my mind thru a litany of negative thoughts and realized that I was getting down on myself.  Again.  

When I got to church, I didn’t feel especially welcomed but then, again, I wasn’t feeling very welcoming.  I didn’t think that praise team practice went very well, my timing was off, my voice was cracking and I felt the negative voice return, “What kind of person are you?  You don’t need to be praising God, look how terrible you are doing!”  I tried to joke with the other praise team members to get my mind off this torrent of negative thoughts and concentrate on praising God, praying that I would find some relief from this mental torture.

Being a Christian for over 40 years and a professional counselor for over 30 years, you would think that I wouldn’t deal with these kinds of issues, that my life is perfect, that I never deal with self-doubt, that I am in perfect control of my mental faculties at all times.  Not true.

However, this isn’t the first time that I have experienced such negativity.  I’ve noticed this occurs when there are two things going on simultaneously: 1) I am exhausted and 2) I am going to experience some spiritual growth.  So, I have learned when this happens, I need to wait and expect something to happen.  I pray, asking God to give me some emotional relief and asking God to give me spiritual acuity.  In fact, I’ve noticed that many times when I am depressed, down, or negative, God can sharpen my ability to see Him at work.  It doesn’t always happen but God does come thru more often than not.  Okay, He ALWAYS comes thru, I just am not always ready to receive what He wants to teach me.

Interestingly, in our pastor’s sermon that day, I heard this, “We can assume that God is gonna come thru.”  He was preaching about Daniel and Daniel’s desire to please God rather than follow the law of the land.  Daniel, it is believed, was approximately 80 years old when he was thrown into the Lion’s Den for defying King Darius’ edict.  Our pastor said, “Daniel had been faithful to God and God has been faithful to Daniel, in taking care of Daniel because he would rather please God than man.”  Maybe Daniel was thinking, “I’m an old man, I’ve served God, maybe this is the end.  Is God gonna come thru this time?”  But the pastor reminded us, “Hope in God is NEVER false.  We can assume that God is always going to come thru.”  

Upon hearing this sermon, I felt a lift, a weight just leave me.  The negative voices in my head stopped.  I went up to the front to sing with the praise team, “Whom Shall I Fear?” which has the terrific line, “The God of Angel Armies is always by my side.”  

As I was leaving, walking back to the car with Karyn, I heard my pastor’s question in my head, a question he asked just before ending the sermon, “How certain are you that God is gonna come thru?    

My answer came quickly, “VERY.”


BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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Sunday Meditation

3/22/2015

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This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.  
I John 3:19-20

Sometimes it is difficult to believe that we 'belong to the truth'. Sometimes it is difficult to imagine having our 'hearts at rest'. The part of our heart that is damaged by shame reminds us of all our inadequacies and failures. As this text puts it, our hearts condemn us.

In the process of recovery many of us become aware that we have internalized a voice of shame and self-condemnation. We may tell ourselves that we are unlovable. "How could anyone care about me?" Or, we may tell ourselves that we are worthless. "I'm no good." Or, we may tell ourselves that we are not capable. "I can't do anything right." These are some of the ways we condemn ourselves. We also may question our faith. We may wonder, as this verse puts it, whether "we belong to the truth". Because of our early experiences of rejection and our current self-condemnation, we find ourselves expecting God to condemn us. As a result we cannot rest in God's presence.

But God is greater than our self-condemning hearts. God knows everything. God knows our history. God knows the wounds in our past. God knows our humanness. God knows our strengths and weaknesses. God knows our failures. God knows we condemn ourselves and expect that God will condemn us as well. God knows that we need healing.

God is greater than our self-condemning hearts. God knows everything. And God does not condemn us.

I long to set my heart at rest, Lord.
I long to rest in your presence.
But, my heart is full of self-condemnation.
The voices of shame are loud within me.

I am afraid that you will also condemn me, Lord.
I am afraid that you will agree with the shame voices. 


Speak to me today, Lord.
Speak more loudly than the voices of shame.
Be greater than my heart. 
Shame can only feed on the hidden things, Lord,
but nothing is hid from you.
Be more powerful than the shame, Lord.
Let me find rest today in your love.


Amen. 

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan 
National Association for Christian Recovery







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