Category: Pornography - IRONSTRIKES

Dept of Justice Facilitates Sexual Exploitation

1/29/2016

Online Press Conference: U.S. Department of Justice Named To List of Top Facilitators of Sexual Exploitation

WHO: National Center on Sexual Exploitation (NCOSE)

WHAT: Online Press Conference: U.S. Department of Justice Named to List of Top Facilitators of Sexual Exploitation

WHEN: Monday, February 1, 2016: 11:00-11:30 am ET

WHERE: Streaming online here: http://endsexualexploitation.org/doj/

WHY: The U.S. Department of Justice (DOJ) is about to be named by the National Center on Sexual Exploitation as a top facilitator of sexual exploitation. The DOJ, despite being the primary federal criminal investigation and enforcement agency, has abandoned its post in the fight for freedom from sexual exploitation, objectification, and violence. The U.S. Department of Justice refuses to enforce existing federal obscenity laws against pornography even though these laws have been upheld by U.S. Courts and previously enforced. Federal law prohibits distribution of obscene adult pornography on the Internet, on cable/satellite TV, on hotel/motel TV, in retail shops, through the mail, and by common carrier. While the enforcers of the law have refused to do their job, pornography has become so pervasive in American society that it is creating a public health crisis with vast neurologically, psychologically, and sociologically damaging consequences.

To learn more, visit: http://endsexualexploitation.org/doj/

For interviews, please contact Haley Halverson at 202-393-7245, haley@ncose.com

About National Center on Sexual Exploitation (NCOSE)
Founded in 1962, the National Center on Sexual Exploitation (NCOSE) is the leading national organization addressing the public health crisis of pornography and exposing the links between all forms of sexual exploitation. NCOSE embraces a mission to defend human dignity and to advocate for the universal right of sexual justice, which is freedom from sexual exploitation, objectification, and violence.
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www.EndSexualExploitation.org

Linking porn to sexual violence

1/27/2016

A new study out of Indiana University and the University of Hawaii at Manoa has warned that porn consumption is significantly linked to increases in sexual aggression. The latest research is a meta-analysis assessing 22 different …Studies Link Porn to Sexual Violence

Family First NZ says that a new study out of Indiana University and the University of Hawaii at Manoa has warned that porn consumption is significantly linked to increases in sexual aggression.

“The latest research is a meta-analysis assessing 22 different studies from seven different countries around the world. This research found that internationally the consumption of pornography was associated significantly with both verbal and physical aggression, among males and females alike. This study should be taken seriously in New Zealand as we tackle unacceptable rates of sexual violence and the ‘roastbusters’ mentality,” says Bob McCoskrie, National Director of Family First NZ.

The study “A Meta-Analysis of Pornography Consumption and Actual Acts of Sexual Aggression in General Population Studies” published in the Journal of Communication found that “….the association for physical sexual aggression, although smaller than the association for verbal sexual aggression, was still positive and significant. Pornography consumption was associated with an increased probability of the use or threat of force to obtain sex.”

The findings are consistent with an earlier 2002 meta-analysis by the National Foundation for Family Research and Education (NFFRE) at the University of Calgary which found that viewing pornography leads to perceptions of sexual dominance, sex role stereotyping, viewing persons as sexual objects, sexual aggressiveness, and sexually hostility and violent behaviours. And a meta-analysis of eight studies by Seto and Lalumiere (2010) found that male adolescent sex offenders reported more exposure to sex or pornography than male adolescent non-sex offenders.

This latest study from Indiana University says that “the accumulated data leave little doubt that, on the average, individuals who consume pornography more frequently are more likely to hold attitudes conducive to sexual aggression and engage in actual acts of sexual aggression than individuals who do not consume pornography or who consume pornography less frequently.”
“Social scientists, clinical psychologists, biologists and neurologists are now beginning to understand the psychological and biological negative effects of viewing pornography. They show that men who view pornography regularly have a higher tolerance for abnormal sexuality, including rape, sexual aggression, and sexual promiscuity. Prolonged consumption of pornography results in stronger perceptions of women as commodities or as “sex objects,” says Mr McCoskrie.

“This study adds to the growing evidence that porn harms. If we want to tackle sexual violence, we must first admit the role that pornography plays and the harm that it does to attitudes and actions.”

This post was taken from Family First of New Zealand. To find the original post go here: http://pacific.scoop.co.nz/2016/01/studies-link-porn-to-sexual-violence/

The search for "ethical" porn

1/26/2016

“Is there such a thing as ethical porn, and if so, how can we find it?” That's the question asked by Ethan Fixell in an essay for the Daily Dot entitled, “Why You Should Support 'Ethical' Porn.” Fixell writes that he gave up pornography for 30 days in an effort to determine how much control it had over his life. Porn had such a grip that, despite his month-long hiatus, he was unable to give up porn use altogether. But that got him thinking...

“What if, rather than restricting ourselves from all adult content, we could demand a higher level of quality from the industry?” he asks. “What if there was a way to seek out porn only made by enthusiastic performers under 'healthy' working conditions, the same way we seek out organically raised, grass-fed steak?”

Thus, he set off on a phantom search for ethical porn.

He concludes that, “as is the case in any industry,” there are a “handful of sleazy filmmakers who prey on inexperienced performers.” Luckily, “the majority of porn content is produced by responsible and capable performers and producers, under safe, professional, and consensual circumstances.”

What a relief.

But how to tell them apart? Fixell came up with a few pointers for others whose consciences twinge every time their loins stir.

He suggested only paying for pornography from the largest studios, assuming their actions must be above-board. He notes that “subscription websites” feature “interviews with [their] performers before and after each scene, ensuring that all activities were consensual.”

Porn addicts users could also binge-watch their favorite performers, he suggested. They regularly grant interviews discussing how much they enjoy their life in front of the camera.
“Perhaps the best thing a viewer can do for his favorite porn star is to subscribe directly to their website, instead of watching their content on a tube site,” he said – referring to the free, YouTube-like outlets that stream pornography for free. Such sites have severely undercut the porn industry's profit margin.

Following his helpful advice, he reassures his readers, “There’s no reason to feel guilty about watching [porn], or to try and give it up.”

Apparently, he is not the only one concerned with the prospect that the person he is lusting over may be less than enthusiastic about her filmed exploitation. His article got more than 3,100 Facebook shares in just a few days.

But Fixell's counsels – which coincidentally have the effect of filling the porn industry's coffers with cash – ignore the fact that there is no corner of the pornographic industry that does not demean and dehumanize women, no segment that is free of his expressed concerns.

But don't believe me; ask the pornstars and former pornstars themselves.

The Duke porn star Miriam Weeks, who performs under the name “Belle Knox,” has said publicly that her work left her feeling empowered. But she is not always so consistent.
“I’m so used to being on the lookout for scammers, people who are going to try pimp me out or traffic me. I think my experiences have aged me. I don’t have the mind of an eighteen-year-old. I have the emotional baggage of someone much, much older than me,” she said.

Weeks first experienced some doubt about her story when an online video emerged showing her being strangled, slapped, and verbally humiliated. Although she said she was “comfortable” with the limits, she understood that “maybe some of the women” who performed for that site “weren't role-playing, as I was.”

In fact, women have little choice about their roles or what will happen on the set, she and others have acknowledged. Women show up expecting one kind of scene only to be told a much different fate awaits them. If they turn it down, they must pay the producers a kill-fee (in Weeks' case, $300), and she would never be able to work for that company again. So, in the case of the video showing her being abused mentioned above, she consented. But it's hardly without ethical issues.

True, most pornstars say they enjoy having sex on camera – because women who are paid to have sex usually verbally flatter their customers. “I lied to the cameras,” revealed Jan Villarubia, a former pornstar who performed under the name Elizabeth Rollings. “I lied to the fans, 'I love what I do. I love what I do.' Because that's how you make money.”

At the risk of bursting Fixell's bubble, there is no sexual shangri-la in which teeming gangs of nymphettes long to sexually service every anonymous man who approaches them. For the women tasked with portraying such a fantasy, the degrading nature of the work soon takes its toll.

Brittni Ruiz, who used to be “Jenna Presley,” said she turned to drugs “to be able to do the scenes, because I was so robotic. I was like a rubber Barbie doll. I had no emotions. I was plastic.” She used cocaine and heroin before she began violent, self-destructive behaviors such as “cutting” – slashing her skin with knives as a form of stress-release.

Others need drugs to get through the scenes. Vanessa Belmond, formerly pornstar “Alexa Cruz,” told the crew of Date My Pornstar that the sexual situations she filmed were so dangerous she had to take painkillers to get through them.

That physical pain may last for life. Fixell never confronts the reality that virtually every pornstar will have an endless series of STD infections because of the work he and other “ethical porn” enthusiasts consume. Belmond said she had multiple STDs, and contracted one her first day on the set. Villarubia said she caught herpes on the job. And all porn industry shooting has been temporarily halted a handful of times in recent months as performers worry they have passed on AIDS/HIV. Yet porn consumers, and producers, object when performers use condoms to minimize the risk.

How does Fixell feel that these women will end up with the pain of a venereal disease because they chose to provide his product-of-choice?

What of the fact that nearly all of these women are reliving their own sexual abuse, and many are runaways, taking the next logical step after prostitution, or trying to get drug money?

These young women will be stigmatized and often unable to work in other careers because of a choice they made for the sake of a quick buck at age 18, 19, or 20. (Most women shoot only a handful of scenes before exiting the industry.)

Does Fixell really believe that women would consent to be choked, beaten, and humiliated in a medium that can be accessed around the world and that will be preserved forever if they saw any other viable way to make a living?

No “ethical porn” can exist, because pornography is by its very nature exploitative and artificial. It portrays the outer shell of sexuality – the deepest connection between two human beings – without conferring the emotional closeness itself to its viewers or practitioners. Even the biological imperative that scientists credit with giving us the sex drive – the will to procreate – speaks of a longing for something that transcends the boundaries of any one person's existence.

Instead of looking at images of people engaged in an imitation of love, why not search for love itself? Rather than sit in front of flickering images of exploited women, why not attempt to establish an emotional relationship with a woman or man that produces love, marriage, and, perhaps in time, children? “Against such, there is no law.”

This post was written by Ben Johnson. You can find his post here: https://www.lifesitenews.com/blogs/the-phantom-search-for-ethical-porn

Randy Spears, former porn star: I am a Christian. I have always been

12/15/2015

“I have a story. We all do. Mine is not only unique, but highly controversial to many. A rebel if you will, but certainly with a cause. I became so used to my lifestyle that it became ‘normal’ to me. In retrospect, it was anything but. I am Randy Spears. I am also Greg. Porn was my job, my life, my universe, and I was deeply immersed in it.

Let me make something perfectly clear from the beginning: I am a Christian. I have always been.

At the height of my career I was a Christian. I was raised that way and remained a Christian throughout my career. I just had one foot in and one foot out. The dedication to my faith and my Creator took a back seat to the lifestyle I wanted to live.

Let me make something else crystal clear: I do not hate porn people.

I do not look down on them in any way or judge the people that are in that business. Those people are my friends, and I love some of them dearly. How could I possibly judge anyone? That would make me the biggest of hypocrites and go against the very message in which I believe. I have never, and will never, “thump” anyone with the book that I firmly believe was God-inspired, protected through the ages, true, and which I carry under my arm to church every Sunday.

I don’t rain down fire and brimstone messages to the hapless sinners who don’t turn from their wicked ways. I have no soapbox or political agenda. It makes me weary to think of the energy I’d have to expend in such a conquest. I leave the saving to the one who saves: God.

I do however, carry a message. The message is simply this: there is a Creator.
This is way bigger than us. Incredibly, there is one who had no beginning, and has no end. He always was and is. An amazing entity Who loves us personally and wants a relationship with each of His created beings.

I have asked this God to change my life. To take away the pain I inflicted upon myself and others and to replace it all with truth, love, compassion, and a greater understanding of what this life stuff means. I ask the big questions and have the same questions everyone else does. The same questions we’ve all have asked since we were humans. I just asked God to show Himself to me if He was really real. I happened to have gotten an answer. A precise, clear, no-doubt-about-it answer.

Now, before you find me to be like the cuckoo bird coming out of the clock, I’m not saying I saw a burning bush or heard a booming voice like Charlton Heston from the movie The Ten Commandments. I heard God way more clearly than that! I felt His presence. Undeniable, unmistakable. The greatest love that I’ve ever felt. It washed over me with such power and force that all I could do was weep and thank Him for being real. His answer to me was, “I am real and I’m right here.”

Porn didn’t damage my life alone.
The bar or drug dealer didn’t destroy my life alone.
It was me and what I did with porn, alcohol, and drugs that caused me grief and damage.
In retrospect, porn wasn’t the best of choices for what I wanted to do with my life. It damaged the way I looked at women and became a money, fame, and ego trap. I used drugs and booze because I was in my own private hell and tried to numb the chaos. If I had it to do all over again, I would have held out to be a Hollywood actor and tried to live a totally different life. Perhaps a marine biologist, which was my dream since youth.

The bottom line is this: God is real.
He will reach down and show us mysteries and great blessings. We must have the desire to have him in our lives, however. What good are puppets that are made to love Him? It’s about free will. The problem is, we don’t want to be held accountable. If God’s real—and I believe He is—then there is accountability to the Creator. That’s just how it works. We are selfish and want to live the way we want. The good news is that we can live differently if we want. By God’s power, not our own. He went so far as to send Himself as a sacrifice. We owe a debt we cannot pay, so he paid a debt He did not owe.

Truth is its own defense. After all, there can only be one truth. I happen to believe that Jesus was exactly who he said he was. That truth can set you free. It did me.”

This testimony is from xxxchurch.com To view Greg's video testimony, click here: http://www.xxxchurch.com/thehaps/this-testimony-from-a-former-porn-star-is-unlike-anything-weve-ever-heard.html?utm_source=email-broadcast&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=&utm_content=This-Testimony-From-A-Former-Porn-Star-Is-Unlike-Anything-Weve-Ever-Heard

Porn kills love

9/25/2015

In real life, real love requires a real person. Research has found that after men are exposed to pornography, they rate themselves as less in love with their partner than men who didn’t see any porn. On top of that, another study found that after being exposed to pornographic images, people were more critical of their partner’s appearance, sexual curiosity, sexual performance, and displays of affection.Pornographers pretend that what they’re selling is Love 2.0. It’s like love, they say, but easier.

You see, in real life, real love requires a real person. And a real person has thoughts and ideas and talents. Maybe they’re quirky and fun to be around; maybe they’re a great listener and always take time to hear how you’re feeling; or maybe they’re awesome at karaoke and being with them gives you the courage to get on stage too. Every person is a unique mix, and it’s that awesome blend that we fall in love with.

Of course, pornographers can’t offer any of that, so instead they capitalize on the fact that the real people that real love requires come with some complications. In real life, there’s a chance your partner will be having a bad day or a bad hair day. Maybe they’re tired or under a deadline, so they don’t have time to do exactly what you want. And they have needs of their own that need to be considered.

In porn, all of that can get edited out: any physical flaws can be quickly Photoshopped away; no matter what’s happening to them, the people on screen can be made to look like they’re having a good time; and no one seems to have any needs of their own, opinions, or feelings to consider. Besides, if anyone fails to immediately satisfy, there’s always someone new to click to.

Doesn’t sound much like real life or real love does it? Here’s the thing: not only is porn a fantasy, but it also makes it harder for users to have real loving relationships.

Why? Because just like many other multibillion dollar industries, pornographers feed viewers completely unrealistic expectations in order to keep customers coming back. Real love isn’t any more like what happens in porn than the average Marlboro smoker is like a 6’ 9” cowboy. But it works out well for pornographers since the more porn a viewer watches, the more their real relationships don’t seem exciting enough, which gives them a reason to turn back to porn. And the more they watch porn, the more likely they are to be indoctrinated with porn’s version of how relationships should go.

Since porn often portrays women as nothing more than sex objects that need to be dominated, it’s not surprising that porn users often start seeing real women that way as well. In one study of porn’s effects, researchers broke participants up into three groups: to one they showed a high amount of pornography, one a medium amount, and the third a lower amount, and then followed with questions about what participants thought about women. Results showed that the more porn a man was exposed to, the more likely he was to prefer that women be submissive and subordinate to men. Since most women in our culture are taught to expect love to be built on equality and mutual respect, seeing women as subordinate isn’t exactly a great start to lasting love.

For those lucky enough to have found a special someone, using porn can take things downhill fast. Research has found that after men are exposed to pornography, they rate themselves as less in love with their partner than men who didn’t see any porn. On top of that, another study found that after being exposed to pornographic images, people were more critical of their partner’s appearance, sexual curiosity, sexual performance, and displays of affection.

Over time, those who consistently use porn often may even lose interest in finding love altogether. Frequent porn use is associated with feeling cynical about love in general, less trust in romantic partners, and with feeling like marriage is confining.

Porn doesn’t do any favors for the user’s partner, either. Since so much of men’s porn is only about what the man wants while ignoring anything about what’s good for a woman or a relationship, wives and girlfriends often end up feeling like their partner doesn’t really value them. Many partners of porn users end up depressed, anxious, and feeling like they can never measure up.

Of course, pornographers don’t bother to mention any of this. Part of porn’s fantasy is that a person can live in both worlds—that they can create a real, loving relationship, but also bring in thousands of other sexual partners as long as those partners are kept behind a computer screen. In reality, a porn habit can take a serious toll on a person’s ability to offer someone real, unselfish, meaningful love—which often means that in the end, they’re left without much more than what’s behind that computer screen.

This post is taken from the website, http://www.fightthenewdrug.org

Citations to support the statements in this post are available upon request.

Porn is full of lies

9/24/2015

In porn, everything from the way people look to how and why they have sex is a lie. Porn users often get so obsessed with chasing something that isn’t real that they miss out on actual relationships. Back in the 1950s, two researchers, Dr. Nikolaas Tinbergen and Dr. D. Magnus, played a trick on butterflies. After figuring out which marks on female butterfly wings were most eye-catching to their mates, they created their own cardboard butterflies and painted them to look like super-females. Their wing patterns were based on the wings of normal butterflies, but with more exciting marks than would ever be found in nature.

And the butterflies fell for it. Even though real female butterflies were around and available, the males kept trying to partner with the cardboard versions. It wasn’t getting them what they wanted—which was the chance to mate—but they had been tricked, so they ignored the real females and kept trying to charm the decoys.

Any of this sound familiar?

In porn, everything from the way people look to how and why they have sex is no more real than Tinbergen’s cardboard wings. And just like the butterflies that got duped, porn users often get so obsessed with chasing something that isn’t real that they miss out on actual relationships.

Thanks to teams of plastic surgeons and some help from Photoshop, the women in porn don’t offer anything close to a realistic picture of what women in real life look like—particularly since we all get older, but pornographic images never age. As a result, people that are regularly exposed to porn are more likely than others to feel poorly about how they look. And after looking at even softcore porn, users feel worse about how their partner looks.

And the fiction is more than skin deep. In most porn, a person is only worth the sum of their body parts; it doesn’t matter whether they’re funny or smart, kind or interesting. All they are is a tool for sex. It shouldn’t be a big surprise then that when teens watch or see sexual media, both boys and girls have stronger notions of women being sex objects.

Even sex itself gets completely warped. A typical 45 minute porn flick takes three days of filming to produce, but leaves the viewer with the impression that everything they just watched happened without a break. Porn also makes it look like no matter what a man does, the woman he’s with is thrilled, even though the majority of sexual acts shown are degrading or violent.

It can be tempting to think that porn is just one kind of sexual experience, not better or worse than any other sexual experience. After all, it can feel pretty similar. But our senses can be deceiving.

Let’s say, for example, that you just got done with a 10 mile run on a hot day. You come inside and there are two glasses of water on the kitchen table. One is regular water from the tap; the other is salt water. Both look the same. Both are water. But while one glass will hydrate your body, the other will leave you more dehydrated than before. And over time, while regular water will keep you alive, drinking only salt water would kill you faster than if you drank nothing at all.

It’s the same with real relationships and porn. Why? Because porn is chock full of ideas and beliefs that are completely opposite of what real relationships, real sex, and real love are like. Healthy relationships are built on equality, honesty, respect, and love. But in porn, it’s the reverse; interactions are based on domination, disrespect, abuse, violence, and detachment.

Even the experience of using porn is the opposite of what real romantic relationships are like. A real romantic relationship is about being with a person and falling in love with them; it’s about emotional connection and trust. In real relationships you can feel a person there, you can smell them and hear them laugh. The physical pleasure of sex is connected to sharing a whole relationship. With porn, however, sex is about being alone, watching other people do things. It’s about constantly searching for something new, constantly being shocked and surprised.

The more a person buys into the porn experience and its ideas, the harder it will be for them to have a real loving relationship (See Porn Kills Love)—or even a real sex life (See Porn Ruins Your Sex Life).

Just like the butterflies learned, porn is not only deceiving, but it can also keep us from having the real relationships porn is trying to imitate (See Porn Kills Love). Turns out dating a piece of cardboard isn’t all that great.

This post is taken from the website, http://www.fightthenewdrug.org

Citations to support the statements in this post are available upon request.

Porn ruins your sex life

9/23/2015

Porn often leads to less sex and less satisfying sex. And for many users, porn can eventually mean no sex at all. Porn promises a virtual world filled with sex—more sex, better sex. What it doesn’t mention, however, is that the further a user goes into that fantasy world, the more likely their reality is to become just the opposite. Porn often leads to less sex and less satisfying sex. And for many users, porn eventually means no sex at all.

It doesn’t take much porn for things to start heading downhill. In one of the most comprehensive studies on porn use ever conducted, researchers found that after being exposed to softcore sexual material, both men and women were significantly less happy with their partner’s looks, willingness to try new sex acts, and sexual performance. Even being exposed to porn just once can make people feel less in love with their significant other.

Why? Because when a person is watching porn, the sexual roadmaps in their brain are being redrawn. When a person has a sexual experience that feels good, their brain creates a map to get them back there (See Porn Changes the Brain). And since our brains like novelty, brain maps that lead to something new and exciting are rewarded with an extra dose of brain chemicals that make us feel good while strengthening those brain pathways.

Here’s the catch: our brain maps are either use it or lose it. Just like a hiking trail will start to grow over if its not getting walked on, brain pathways that don’t get traffic start to get weaker. So when a person starts looking at porn, they first create and then strengthen brain pathways linking feeling aroused with images of porn. Meanwhile the pathways connecting arousal with things like seeing, touching, or cuddling with their partner aren’t getting used. Pretty soon, natural turn-ons aren’t enough, and many porn users find they can’t get aroused by anything but porn.

For teens, it gets even scarier. Many teens never have the chance to learn what a healthy relationship is like before porn starts teaching them its version—which is typically filled with violence, domination, infidelity, and abuse. Since most people aren’t too excited about the idea of being in an abusive relationship, teens that have gotten their sex ed from porn often find that they struggle to connect with real romantic partners and that they don’t know how to be turned on by anything other than images on a screen. As biologist Gary Wilson said, “Using porn is more than just training for the wrong sport. It’s replacing these guys’ ability to play the sport they really want to learn.”

Beliefs and feelings aren’t the only things that change, either. For a skyrocketing number of male porn users, it becomes blindingly clear that there’s a problem when they realize they can no longer have real sex at all.

Thirty years ago, when a man developed erectile dysfunction (ED), it was almost always because he was getting older, usually past 40, and as his body aged, his blood vessels would get blocked, making it harder to maintain an erection. Chronic ED in anyone under 35 was nearly unheard of.

But those were the days before Internet porn. These days, online message boards are flooded with complaints from porn users in their teens and 20s complaining that they can’t maintain an erection. But for this kind of ED, the problem isn’t in the penis—it’s in the brain.

Erections are powered by chemicals in the brain’s reward center (See Porn Is Like a Drug] that are released when a guy sees, hears, smells, or feels something that turns him on. The problem for porn users is that they’ve hijacked their reward center by using porn to get it to overload on these chemicals. As a result, the user’s brain responds by cutting down on the amount of pleasure chemicals it produces and stops responding as well to the chemicals that are being released. It’s like when you’re standing next to a fire alarm that goes off; it’s too much noise so you cover your ears. That’s what porn user’s brains are doing. When chemical levels are too high, the brain fights back by blocking some of the flood of chemicals released.

On top of that, porn users have wired their brain to get aroused by sitting alone in a room looking at virtual images rather than connecting arousal to being with a real person.

Due to their lowered sexual response and altered brain pathways, many porn users find they just can’t get excited enough to maintain an erection without porn; and for many users, over time, even porn isn’t enough.

This post is taken from the website, http://www.fightthenewdrug.org

Citations to support the statements in this post are available upon request.

Porn hurts your partner

9/22/2015

Several studies have found that partners of porn users often report feeling loss, betrayal, mistrust, devastation, and anger when they learn that the other half of their committed relationship has been using porn. Many show physical symptoms of anxiety and depression. Here’s an inconvenient truth: While porn is something users can choose to do on their own, that use doesn’t just affect them—it affects their partner too, and not for the better. Two of the most respected pornography researchers, professors Jennings Bryant and Dolf Zillman at the University of Alabama, who have studied the effects of porn and media for more than 30 years, said that when it comes to porn use “no rigorous research demonstrations of desirable effects can be reported.” In other words, in all the serious research that’s been done on porn, no one has found that it has any benefits. What several studies have found, however, is that porn use can cause serious damage not only to the user, but also to those closest to them—especially their partner.

Studies have shown that even casual use of porn can cause the user to feel less attracted to their partner. And when a person frequently uses pornography, they’re far more likely to feel less satisfied with their partner’s looks, sexual performance, and willingness to try new sexual acts.

Why all the sudden disappointment with one’s partner? It’s likely due to the fact that porn promotes a completely fictional version of how people look and behave (See Porn Is a Lie), and makes it look like an exciting reality—one that their partners often feel they can never live up to.

Given that the women depicted in porn are surgically enhanced, air-brushed, and photoshopped, it’s not hard to see why, according to a national poll, that only one in seven women doesn’t think that porn has raised men’s expectations of how women should look.

And it’s not only looks that are being depicted with unrealistic standards. In almost all porn, sex is all about men; women are depicted as being happy with whatever a man wants to do, even if it’s dangerous, painful, or humiliating. A study of the most popular porn videos found that nine scenes out of 10 showed women being verbally or physically abused, yet the female victims almost always responded with either pleasure or appeared to be neutral. In even the most mainstream porn, the sex acts shown are overwhelmingly degrading toward women, and are usually geared toward enhancing male pleasure. As a result, male porn users’ ideas of what sex should be are often warped and their partners often report that they are asked to act out porn scripts or do things they’re not comfortable with or find demeaning.

In interviews with college-age women, writer Naomi Wolf has found that in sexual relationships, women frequently feel that “they can never measure up, that they can never ask for what they want.”

And the emotional pain can run much deeper than having a bad experience in the bedroom. Since women in our culture typically expect their intimate relationships to be built on trust, respect, honesty, and love, when a woman learns that her partner is using porn—which typically glorifies the opposite: disrespect, abuse, aggression, and infidelity—it can not only damage the trust she has in her partner, but also shake the foundation of everything she believed about her relationship.

That pain can have very serious consequences. Several studies have found that women often report feeling loss, betrayal, mistrust, devastation, and anger when they learn that their partner in a committed relationship has been using porn. Many women show physical symptoms of anxiety and depression. Some show signs of PTSD, and some even become suicidal.

To make matters worse, the majority of women who learn of a partner’s pornography use isolate themselves at least somewhat from their normal sources of social support, just when they need those support systems most. In many cases, women fear telling anyone at all, either because they’re embarrassed about it or they’re afraid of being blamed for their partner’s problem.

For many partners, the blame can even come from themselves. One study of women in relationships with porn addicts found that while the women often felt their partner was uncaring or selfish, they also worried that somehow the problem was their fault. And for many of the women, their partner’s porn use made them feel like the entire relationship was a complete farce.

This post is taken from the website, http://www.fightthenewdrug.org

Citations to support the statements in this post are available upon request.

What my grandmother taught me about pornography

6/15/2015

One summer I spent a couple of weeks with my grandmother when I was a little boy. I don't remember how old I was but I think I was about 8-years-old, I enjoyed spending time with her. She was fun, we would talk into the evening, she would show me off to her friends and tell everyone what a wonderful grandson I was. She made me feel really special. Her neighbor across the street was gone for a few days and they had asked my grandmother to watch their house. This was a very small town in rural Oklahoma so people didn't lock their doors. It was a wonderful place to be a little kid. It was safe, calm and inviting, I could go any place in this small town on my own but usually she and I took walks together.

She told me one time, "let's go over to the neighbors house and check on it to make sure it is ok." So we went into their house and it was totally trashed. It was like a dump, there was trash everywhere and it looked like it had never been cleaned. Over by the couch were several magazines. I didn't know what they were but my grandmother grabbed one and we went back to her house.

Once we returned home my grandmother handed me the magazine and said, "Here, take this magazine and go into your bedroom for 15 minutes and then bring it back out and let's talk about what you saw." So, I took it in there and noticed on the cover it said PLAYBOY. I looked through it and saw pictures of naked women and I remember saying to myself, "This is gross. Why would anybody want to look at this? Is this why their home was so full of trash?"

I saw pictures of women in provocative poses and they looked simply stupid to me. I then remember finding her and talking to her and she asked me what I thought. I said, "I didn't like it. Why would people have pictures of themselves naked?" She said, "There are magazines like this that some men like to read. Men who read them aren't Christians. Now that you've seen what these magazines are like, you won't ever have to waste your money on this trash and won't be curious what's in them." She took the magazine back and walked it over to the house where it came from.

That was the end of the conversation.

Now, even in my 50's, I remember some of those pictures. I remember that I wasn't sexually aroused by viewing them. When I walk past a rack of those kinds of magazines, I usually remember my grandmother saying, "You don't need to waste your money on that trash."

Now, I'm not saying that I recommend that you go out and buy pornography for your 8-year-old son or grandson so that he can see what it is like...because that just might prompt someone to call a state child protective agency and get you into legal trouble.

But, you know what? And you may find this hard to believe...I have never purchased or looked at pornographic magazines.

I don't know how calculated my grandmother was in this lesson. But she had me view this material when I was very young. In fact, it was during a time when I believed that girls were yucky and I didn't want to be around them.

Looking back, I think the timing on this lesson was perfect. It certainly had a profound effect on me. And I'm grateful.

My husband is a porn addict

3/2/2015

As the wife of a confirmed porn addict, I can tell you that life is not easy. In my mind, I sometimes wish he was addicted to "real women"; I cannot compete with airbrushed fantasies. In the dark hours when I know what he is doing in the room down the hall, I think how I could verbally attack or expose a "real woman" for her part in my husband's infidelity, yet I have no recourse but to writhe in emotional pain as the man I love is pretending to have sex with someone he will never meet.

When he comes to my side and offers affection, I want to respond but am repulsed. My heart aches to know that I am the one he wants to hold, but knows all to well that he may not even see me for the images dancing in his mind. His arms may not even be around me, but around one of the many women he just spent the last hour with in the solitude of our marriage bed while I did dishes and helped kids with homework.

Many times I hear the promises that it is over; that he is mine alone. In graphic detail I am exposed to what his eyes have seen, the secret desires he had for those other women. He tells me about it as he promises he will get help. If only I could believe it this time.

A "real" affair would be easier for me to accept. Yet I walk each day with the feeling that I am never enough. As one woman, with one body, I can never be enough. With a heart full of shame that is not my own I beg God for His intervention. Plead that He help me keep this secret from children who love their father deeply. I ask that today is the day my husband finds freedom so that I can be free.

Even though I understand all the reasons it is not mine, as his wife this is my burden as well as his. He can claim that this is his secret hell that he cannot seem to escape, but as surely as I wear his ring on my finger and share his name, this hell is mine.

Written by Anonymous.