Blog Archives - IRONSTRIKES

The divine commandment of life

9/29/2016

…be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect. --Matthew 5:48

Our Lord’s exhortation to us in Matthew 5:38-48 is to be generous in our behavior toward everyone. Beware of living according to your natural affections in your spiritual life. Everyone has natural affections— some people we like and others we don’t like. Yet we must never let those likes and dislikes rule our Christian life. “If we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another” (1 John 1:7), even those toward whom we have no affection.

The example our Lord gave us here is not that of a good person, or even of a good Christian, but of God Himself. “…be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.” In other words, simply show to the other person what God has shown to you. And God will give you plenty of real life opportunities to prove whether or not you are “perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.” Being a disciple means deliberately identifying yourself with God’s interests in other people. Jesus says, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:34-35).

The true expression of Christian character is not in good-doing, but in God-likeness. If the Spirit of God has transformed you within, you will exhibit divine characteristics in your life, not just good human characteristics. God’s life in us expresses itself as God’s life, not as human life trying to be godly. The secret of a Christian’s life is that the supernatural becomes natural in him as a result of the grace of God, and the experience of this becomes evident in the practical, everyday details of life, not in times of intimate fellowship with God. And when we come in contact with things that create confusion and a flurry of activity, we find to our own amazement that we have the power to stay wonderfully poised even in the center of it all.

This devotional was written by Oswald Chambers,

Drs Gottman's "open letter on porn"

9/29/2016

Pornography in relationships has been an issue for a long time. Even today, professional recommendations on how to manage the use of pornography still vary widely. We attended one workshop in a couples therapy conference that recommended to merely accept porn use, especially by men, as natural and harmless. While this may be an extreme view, many clinicians have suggested that if a couple uses pornography as a stimulus for intimacy, or if they both agree to read or view pornographic materials together, then porn use is fine. In fact, many professionals have thought it might increase relationship connection and intimacy. In the Bringing Baby Home new parents workshop, we initially took this view since our research had demonstrated that, after a baby arrives, relationship intimacy decreases and measures were needed to strengthen intimate sexual connection.

Recently, however, research on the effects of pornography use, especially one person frequently viewing pornographic images online, shows that pornography can hurt a couple’s relationship. The effect may be true, in part, because pornography can be a “supernormal stimulus” (see Supernormal Stimuli by Deirdre Barrett). Nikko Tinbergen, a Nobel Prize winning ethologist, described a supernormal stimulus as a stimulus that evokes a much larger response than one that has evolutionary significance. One effect of a supernormal stimulus is that interest wanes in normal stimuli. Tinbergen studied male stickleback fish who would naturally attack a rival male that entered their territory during mating season. He created an oval object with a very red belly, more intensely red than the natural fish. The fish fiercely attacked the mock up and subsequently lost interest in attacking its real male rival. Now the supernormal stimulus evoked a reaction, but not the normal stimulus.

Pornography may be just such a supernormal stimulus. With pornography use, much more of a normal stimulus may eventually be needed to achieve the response a supernormal stimulus evokes. In contrast, ordinary levels of the stimulus are no longer interesting. This may be how normal sex becomes much less interesting for porn users. The data supports this conclusion. In fact, use of pornography by one partner leads the couple to have far less sex and ultimately reduces relationship satisfaction.

There are many other factors about porn use that can threaten a relationship’s intimacy. First, intimacy for couples is a source of connection and communication between two people. But when one person becomes accustomed to masturbating to porn, they are actually turning away from intimate interaction. Second, when watching pornography the user is in total control of the sexual experience, in contrast to normal sex in which people are sharing control with the partner. Thus a porn user may form the unrealistic expectation that sex will be under only one person’s control. Third, the porn user may expect that their partner will always be immediately ready for intercourse (see Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski). This is unrealistic as well. Research has revealed that genital engorgement leads to a desire for sex only 10% of the time in women and 59% of the time in men. Fourth, some porn users rationalize that pornography is ok if it does not involve partnered sexual acts and instead relies only on masturbation. While this may accomplish orgasm the relationship goal of intimate connection is still confounded and ultimately lost.

Worse still, many porn sites include violence toward women, the antithesis of intimate connection. Porn use can become an actual addiction with the same brain mechanism activated in other behavioral addictions, like gambling (see Your Brain on Porn by Gary Wilson). Pornography can also lead to a decrease in relationship trust and a higher likelihood of affairs outside the relationship. Many porn sites now offer an escalation of sexual activity beyond simply viewing porn that includes actually having sex with other individuals. Finally, the support of porn use is reinforcing an industry that abuses the actors employed to create the pornography (see The Empire of Illusion by Chris Hedges).

We applaud major media outlets like Time Magazine that have joined the anti-pornography movement. Their April cover story titled Porn and the Threat to Virility dives into how modern men who grew up watching porn as children and teenagers have started a movement against it, hoping to shed light on the sexual material’s power to harm Americans.

In summary, we are led to unconditionally conclude that for many reasons, pornography poses a serious threat to couple intimacy and relationship harmony. This moment calls for public discussion, and we want our readers around the world to understand what is at stake.

World-renowned researchers and clinical psychologists, Drs. John and Julie Gottman have conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples. They have published over 200 academic journal articles and written 46 books that have sold over a million copies in more than a dozen languages.

You can find their original post here: https://www.gottman.com/blog/an-open-letter-on-porn/

Marriage is a life-long process

9/28/2016

About a decade ago, my wife Stephanie and I were enjoying a rare night out together away from our then two young children. We were visiting a church and the service concluded with an opportunity to pair up with someone for prayer. In a casual moment of introduction, we announced to our prayer partner that we had been married for five years. Without a beat, the woman made a statement that has forever altered the way I view marriage. She stated, simply and boldly (with a southern drawl), “five years of marriage? It’s like y’all are in Kindergarten!”

Until that moment, I had never considered marriage—especially our marriage—through the lens of a development cycle. Instead, I had somehow assumed marriage was an event that happened on a specific date, in a specific year. As far as I was concerned, I was married…end of story. However, the thought of a five year old—a kindergartener—full of potential, full of questions, and pregnant with a developing future (not to mention all the tantrums, immaturity, and poor communication)— seemed to do a better job describing what my wife and I had been experiencing day-to-day.

Suddenly the first five years of our marriage—with the continual struggle to communicate with each other or make mutual decisions without one of us feeling violated—came into focus. No wonder we didn’t know exactly how to communicate with one another. No wonder we weren’t experts at conflict resolution or unity or mutual decision-making. We were only five-years old in our marriage (at the time). Would we expect a five-year-old child to be able to write a college essay? Of course not. A five-year- old can’t be expected to act or communicate like an adult. And yet it seems we make this mistake often when it comes to marriage. We expect ourselves—or other people—to be able to function likely fully grown adults in marriage, when the truth is we simply haven’t arrived at that stage of growth as a couple. The hope for the five-year-old is not to act like an adult, but to learn what it takes to become an adult—and to be given the tools to grow into a happy, productive, functioning adult. The goal is not to avoid childhood altogether, but to grow out of the childhood eventually—with all it’s vying for attention, temper tantrums, and selfishness and to grow into something more mature.

It occurred to me after this experience: what if we looked at our marriages this way?

How would it change the way they function?

This thought process has lead to the more foundational belief that marriage is an ongoing action discovered with my wife; a development cycle. Marriage isn’t something we accomplished the day we said “I Do”. That was only the beginning of an entirely new being; the “one new flesh” so often referenced during traditional marriage ceremonies was born that day and must continue growing.

The day of marriage is not the end of the story, but the beginning. It brings into creation a brand new infant couple, pledging to learn the art of marrying their individual lives into one combined, married, maturing life together.

In other words, as much as I am presently married to Stephanie, it is more accurate to say that each day we are actively marrying each other further—as we bring our individual thoughts, responses, fears, and strengths into this intimate bond together.

So how does that change how we act as a married couple?

Most importantly, Steph and I have discovered our primary goal isn’t “learning to be married” in a static sense so much as learning the art of marrying our own individual responses, desires, and efforts in any present moment.

Marriage is a moment-by-moment kind of thing. I know that can sound pretty vague, so here’s an example:

When we have a conflict, it is most often caused by one of a few things—a difference in the way we see a certain situation, unspoken expectations that aren’t met, or general frustration at the way the other person has handled something. As we approach the problem at hand, we each have different ways of dealing with it (dictated by our past experiences, our temperaments and personalities and also our fears and wounds). This can really easily lead to tension, as we we each seek to solve the conflict in our own individualistic way; through our own lenses, valuing our decision and actions as more “right” or more important than the decisions or actions of our spouse.

What we need in that moment isn’t a better marriage. What we need is to embrace the opportunity to marry in that moment.

In other words, what we need is to practice a method of resolving (read re-solve) the situation through communication. Since it is clear that I have solved the situation a certain way and she has solved it a different way—or that I have one opinion and she has another—then it becomes equally clear that on that particular issue, we now have an invitation to become married (again). This is nothing to freak out about, but something to verbally acknowledge so that the work of re-solving can produce the intimacy only the ongoing marrying of our two individual lives can bring.

The practice of re-solving marital issues revolves around learning to communicate well with your spouse.

This takes practice. Two individuals are almost always terrible at this at first (so if you have hard time communicating with your spouse, give yourself some grace). But most unresolved issues in marriage stem around each person’s inability to effectively hear what the other person is saying, and more importantly why they are saying it. Quality communication begins not by being a good talker, but by becoming a great listener. Most importantly, Steph and I have discovered our primary goal isn’t “learning to be married” in a static sense so much as learning the art of marrying our own individual responses, desires, and efforts in any present moment. Marriage is a moment-by-moment kind of thing. I know that can sound pretty vague, so here’s an example:

When we have a conflict, it is most often caused by one of a few things—a difference in the way we see a certain situation, unspoken expectations that aren’t met, or general frustration at the way the other person has handled something. As we approach the problem at hand, we each have different ways of dealing with it (dictated by our past experiences, our temperaments and personalities and also our fears and wounds). This can really easily lead to tension, as we we each seek to solve the conflict in our own individualistic way; through our own lenses, valuing our decision and actions as more “right” or more important than the decisions or actions of our spouse. What we need in that moment isn’t a better marriage. What we need is to embrace the opportunity to marry in that moment.

In other words, what we need is to practice a method of resolving (read re-solve) the situation through communication. Since it is clear that I have solved the situation a certain way and she has solved it a different way—or that I have one opinion and she has another—then it becomes equally clear that on that particular issue, we now have an invitation to become married (again). This is nothing to freak out about, but something to verbally acknowledge so that the work of re-solving can produce the intimacy only the ongoing marrying of our two individual lives can bring.

The practice of re-solving marital issues revolves around learning to communicate well with your spouse. This takes practice.

Two individuals are almost always terrible at this at first (so if you have hard time communicating with your spouse, give yourself some grace). But most unresolved issues in marriage stem around each person’s inability to effectively hear what the other person is saying, and more importantly why they are saying it. Quality communication begins not by being a good talker, but by becoming a great listener.

Steph and I now jokingly say that the first one of us to hear the other wins the argument.

Why?

Because is it only by focusing on what the other is saying, getting into their head, seeing the values that were driving their decisions and actions in the moment, can we finally get about the beauty of marrying our two individual worlds into a shared, exciting world of marriage.

This post was written by Jared Black. You can find it in the free e-book, 25 Marriage Hacks. For the free e-book, go to: http://books.noisetrade.com/tylerward/marriage-hacks

Letting nothing hinder your prayers

9/27/2016

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

Peter is very clear here.

As husbands we are to:

1. Be considerate as we live with our wife - Do you put up roadblocks to her happiness and to her success? Being considerate is thinking about how to make her life better and easier. Being considerate is acting upon those thoughts. Consideration is asking, "can I do something for you?" and "is there something you need done?" Consideration is trying to anticipate her needs and doing them before she asks.

2. Treat our wife with respect - Being respectful is treating her like she is the most important person in the world. Having the niceties that a gentleman displays: Saying please, thank you, excuse me, etc. To respect her is to honor her. Do you dishonor her with your actions? Do you take her for granted? Do you tell your children how wonderful she is and that they need to respect her like you do? Are you brave enough to challenge your children to treat her like you do?

3. Remember that she is an heir of the gracious gift of life - Most importantly, she is a child of God. The Maker of the Universe, the Creator, has made her uniquely to serve His purposes. Do you treat her like a Christian sister? Do you encourage her spiritual growth? Do you encourage her to spend time with other godly women? Do you offer to take care of your children so that she can have some alone time with God?

"Christian husbands and wives share a common experience of grace and a common destiny of salvation. A husband must honor his wife since she, as much as he, has access to God's grace in Christ. In addition, since husbands and wives are partners together in grace, a husband's relationship with God will be affected for good or ill by his relationship with his wife. When husbands treat their wives with consideration and honor, they are true to the nature of grace. They are acting as God's people, and thus their relationship with God may be deepened through prayer."

Peter is very clear here:

If you don't honor your wife, your prayers will be hindered

How to lower divorce rates

9/26/2016

Then Judas and Silas, both being prophets, spoke at length to the believers, encouraging and strengthening their faith. Acts 15:32

Few things are more deadly to marriage than negativity – especially in its most alluring form of pessimism.

In fact, if couples could be given a vaccine against pessimistic thinking we would see the divorce rate all but drop off.

In a sense, you can protect your marriage against a pessimistic virus. All it takes is a little encouragement.

Some marriage partners see every problem as unsolvable. They believe one problem will ruin everything. So they quit trying. They give up, resigned to passivity. They raise the white flag and surrender to the problems of life they could otherwise beat.

A different group of spouses see their problems as mere obstacles, as challenges to overcome. They face a difficult situation at work or with a friend and work hard to work it through. They don’t give up.

Do you know the difference between these two groups of married couples?

Marriage experts do.

Research has shown time and again that all it takes for many people to persevere in the midst of a difficulty is an encouraging word from their spouse:

“I believe in you.”
“You have what it takes.”
“You are doing great.”

Seemingly small and insignificant, these simple statements almost go unnoticed. But not by the person on the receiving end.

Encouragement brings strength and can make the difference between a spouse who gives up and a partner who perseveres.

In specific terms, how will you express a word of encouragement to your spouse today?

this post was written by Drs Les & Leslie Parrott. You can find their site here: www.lesandleslie.com

A very simple predictor of marital success

9/25/2016

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 2:29

Did you know that how you talk about each other to your friends and family can predict your success as a couple?

A ten-year study at the University of Washington followed 95 couples beginning six months into their marriages. The initial hour-long interview together probed their relationship, their parents' union and their philosophy of marriage.

More than what was actually said, researchers noted …

whether they expressed fondness and admiration for their partner,
if they talked about themselves as a unit,
if they finished each other's sentences,
referenced each other when they told a story,
and whether what came to mind was pleasant.

Turns out that couples characterized by these ways of talking about one another and their relationship are far more likely to enjoy life-long love.

In fact, with this information alone, researchers can predict with 87% accuracy whether a couple will end up divorcing.

Think about that.

How you talk to others about your spouse and your relationship is a huge indicator of the state of your union. Even within just the first six months of marriage, the signs become pretty clear.

The authors of the study found that couples who endure talk to others about their spouse as if they are wearing “rose-colored glasses." Those who will eventually divorce talk to others about their spouse with cynicism.

How can this be?

It comes down to how our attitudes shape the way we view your spouse. If you give public praise to others about your spouse, you will inevitably look more favorably upon him or her yourself.

You will discover a deeper appreciation for your partner than you had before.

In fact, the more opportunities you find to talk positively about your partner when he or she isn’t present, the more likely you are to increase your loving attitudes and behaviors toward him or her. In other words, what you say about your spouse, for good or ill, shapes the way you think, feel, and act in your marriage.

Reflect and Respond - What grade would you give yourself when it comes to how you talk about your spouse to friends and family, and why?

This post was written by Drs Les & Leslie Parrott. You find information about their book YOUR TIME-STARVED MARRIAGE at http://store.lesandleslie.com/collections/your-time-starved-marriage/products/your-time-starved-marriage?mc_cid=4d0b223de0&mc_eid=8676cc37de

Sunday meditation

9/25/2016

Extinction of the Power of Evil Habits

The state of interior nothingness is characterized, further, by the extinction of the power of antecedent evil habits. A person may be sanctified to God, his heart may be pure in the divine sight, and still there may be a constant struggle on the part of the "old man" or the "old nature," to regain possession. It is difficult to explain this, viz. that a truly holy heart may still have a struggle antagonistical to sin, and oftentimes a fearful struggle; but it is probably owing, in addition to the direct temptations of Satan, to the tremendous power of antecedent evil habits. The principle of self-love for instance, may by divine grace be redeemed from its selfish attitude, and may be brought to its true subjective position and become a holy principle; and yet in consequence of its previous habits of inordinate exercise, there may be a strong tendency, which requires constant resistance, to resume its former position of irregularity and sin. This tendency is not, properly speaking, in the principle itself; but is forced upon it exteriorly, if we may so express it, by the law of habit; and therefore although it is extremely dangerous, it does not appear to be necessarily sinful. The idea may here perhaps be illustrated in the case of the reformed inebriate. He has refrained from drinking; but the influence of the antecedent law of habit is still felt in his system. He is no longer guilty of the sin of drinking; but his liability to fall into this sin is greatly increased by his antecedent evil habit. There is, undoubtedly, something mysterious in this: but it seems, nevertheless, to be true. He feels that, in consequence of his former evil habits, the enemy is near at hand and in great power; that his danger is thereby increased, and that he must always be in the attitude of watchfulness and of resistance. Something like this is the case with those, who have just entered into that state where they can say, they "love the Lord with all their heart." The enemy is cast out; but he avails himself of the influence of the law of habit, to take a hostile attitude and to seek a re-entrance.

Now when a person has experienced the state of interior nothingness, as it is conveniently, perhaps, and yet not accurately termed, he has by divine grace, not only succeeded in conquering sin in the gigantic forms of creature-love and of self-will, but in breaking down the perplexing influence and the unfavorable tendency of former habits. And hence there is a vast accession to his power, and to his tendency to union with God, Satan himself, in the presentation of his temptations, has comparatively but little influence over such a soul. He has, comparatively speaking, no basis to operate upon, no way of secret, circuitous, and indirect attack; but must come boldly up and make his attack, face to face, as he did in his temptation of the blessed Savior. And this he would rather not do, if he can approach the object of his attack in some other way.

— edited from The Interior or Hidden Life (2nd edition, 1844) Part 3, Chapter 12 by Thomas Cogswell Upham. His blog is managed by Craig L Adams and can be found here: http://thomascupham.blogspot.com

The sacredness of God's handiwork

9/24/2016

How do we live in creation? Do we relate to it as a place full of "things" we can use for whatever need we want to fulfill and whatever goal we wish to accomplish? Or do we see creation first of all as a sacramental reality, a sacred space where God reveals to us the immense beauty of the Divine?

As long as we only use creation, we cannot recognise its sacredness because we are approaching it as if we are its owners. But when we relate to all that surrounds us as created by the same God who created us and as the place where God appears to us and calls us to worship and adoration, then we are able to recognise the sacred quality of all God's handiwork.

For further reflection...

When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars that you have established, what are human beings that you are mindful of them, mortals that you care for them? - Psalm 8: 3, 4 (NRSV)

This post was written by Henri Nouwen.
You can find his website here: henrinouwen.org

Humble obedience

9/23/2016

Elisha sent a messenger out to him with this message: “Go and wash yourself seven times in the Jordan River” (2 Kings 5:10).

Eric Liddell, the great Scottish sprinter and missionary to China, won a gold medal in the 1924 400-meter Olympic finals. He was hailed as a national hero in his home country and accolades were heaped upon him worldwide. He could have stayed at home and been treated as royalty for the rest of his life. Instead, he took a boat to China and died in obscurity in a Japanese internment camp during World War II, having turned his back on recognition from anyone . . . except the Savior he obeyed.

Naaman was a great man who served a powerful king (2 Kings 5:1), but he also needed to obey God. When he went to see if the God of Israel was able to heal him, he expected to meet another powerful representative of God. What he got was a messenger—not even “the man” himself (2 Kings 5:10). It got worse. He was told to simply go take a bath in a little river, not even a mighty torrent (2 Kings 5:12). This was an insult to such a great man, and he was furious (2 Kings 5:11). His servants—who knew much about humility—explained the reality of the situation to him (2 Kings 5:13). What was his response after being healed? He gave thanks and glory to God—not to a man (2 Kings 5:15).

Elisha knew that God would answer Naaman. No great ceremony was necessary, only obedience to what God had said through His prophet. Further, Elisha must have known how great men expect to be treated, but he didn’t play such games. He knew that it was all about God and bringing glory to Him. He took none of the credit (2 Kings 5:16).

Like Eric Liddell and Naaman, may we find joy and completeness in serving and following God by His strength. He’s truly worthy of our love and complete obedience.

This devotional was written by Russell Frolic of Our Daily Bread Ministries: www.odb.org

The Facebook predator

9/19/2016

The young lady was brought by her father because things had changed in her life. He felt as if his daughter was no longer reachable. She seemed angry, withdrawn and not wanting to communicate with him. She was an A student, that was, until the last 4 months or so. This father was concerned and wanted to get his daughter back. Privately, he and I talked about what may have happened to cause this change. He said she wasn't taking drugs. She had a boyfriend but the father wouldn't let her go to his house. They would only meet at school and at the father's house. The father had taken the daughter to her physician and tests were run. A drug screen and a pregnancy screen came back negative. Physically, everything looked normal. Hence, the physician recommended that she see me for some counseling.

Just before the session, the father and daughter had a major disagreement. You could tell that both of them were still fuming. As we discussed the disagreement, all of a sudden, the daughter said, "stop! I want my dad to leave. I need to tell you something." So, the father excused himself to the waiting room. The daughter started with her story. "About six months ago, I met this new friend online. We had some of the same Facebook friends, so I figured this new friend was safe. she seemed like a nice person. We had the same interests and even lived in the same town. So, eventually we decided to meet up. She said I was to meet her at the mall at a certain time and we would get to know each other, face-to-face." Now this young lady telling the story was getting agitated. I knew that she was getting to something really important. I had an idea but wasn't quite sure what was she was going to say.

The young lady continued, "when I got there, there was this guy who said he was her friend. We talked a little bit and he knew so much about me because he and my friend had talked about me. He said that my friend couldn't make it so he would take me to her place." Then the young girl stopped. She started hyperventilating. She said, "I'm about to throw up." I got her an emesis basin and she continued her story. "Well, this guy took me way out of town, about an hour. I didn't know where we were. He took me into his house and he raped me. I did some very disgusting things. I did anything he said because I wanted to get out of there." She was so serious when she said this. It was as if she was dropping a huge weight off her shoulders.

I felt like I had just been punched in the stomach. I was stunned. What I felt was just a fraction of what this young girl felt. She said that he took her back to the mall and dropped her off. She rode the bus home in tears and went to her room that nite, in a heap of regret.

Later, some detectives came to her school to interview some girls that had been friends with this girl on Facebook. This young lady stated, "My dad was called in during the interview and I told them nothing happened to me. Ever since then, my dad has been saying, "You're so lucky that nothing happened to you!" If he would just stop saying that, I could forget what happened to me!! I don't have the courage to tell him that something did happen. He will hate me for lying to him, lying to the police and for being so stupid! My dad told me that this man went to prison so he cannot find me to try and do something to me. So, I don't feel like I need to tell the police what happened."

The young lady was just sitting there in a puddle of tears, hyperventilating, having the dry heaves, she was just a mess. I said, to her, "I wonder if your dad really knows. Maybe that's why he keeps saying that to you. To get you to tell him." The young lady said, "get my dad back in here." So, I went to get dad and on the way back to the room, I told him, "you're daughter has something really important to tell you."

The young lady told her story. I was surprised at the first thing that came out of the father's mouth...

He said, "You had sex with that man?!"

I stopped him right there and said, "It wasn't sex. It was rape. Your daughter did what she had to do to get out of that situation alive. She had crimes committed against her."

The father's demeanor instantly changed and he burst into tears and went to his daughter and hugged her. They sat on the couch hugging each other for quite a while, crying and the father consoled her.

There is much more to this story. This family had a lot more work to do. The details are veiled so that you cannot figure out who this man and daughter were but I am sharing this story for all you dads out there.

Educate your daughters (and sons) about the dangers of social media.
Let them know that people on line may not be who they are in actuality.
Spend time with your daughters (and sons), get to know them.
Help them to see that you really care about them, that you are interested in what interests them.