Search this site
IRONSTRIKES
  • Home
  • Blog
  • Beliefs
  • Formation
  • For Women
  • Meetings & Events

3 ways to improve your marriage on your own

5/31/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
Here are three ways you can improve your marriage on your own.

1. Focus on Today
Many times we argue about the past. We begin by talking about something that bothers us now and then we go back in time. We recall incidents that occurred and thought had been laid to rest but now, suddenly, they are revived.

For example:

You’re upset about your spouse missing your son’s PTA meeting. Instead of talking about her not making it tonight, you remember all the past PTA’s she missed. And then you remember the party she came late to, and your sister’s Thanksgiving dinner five years ago. The argument escalates. Now you are arguing about all the past hurts and you’ve lost focus on the present.

You’re angry that your wife ran up a large credit card bill this month. You begin the discussion by telling her that she can never stick to a budget and her parents spoiled her. You tell her that she has no appreciation of money and she grew up never knowing what it means to value a dollar. By the time you are ready to talk about the bill, you’ve lost her.

This is an unhealthy way of discussing issues and will never lead to resolution.

The first thing you need to do is recognize your role in this negative pattern and try to make a change. Perhaps your spouse makes this same mistake but why should you add poison to the atmosphere? At least on your end there will be a decrease in the negativity-and this can only add to your relationship.

2. Change Yourself & Stop Trying to Change Your Spouse 

We spend too much time thinking about how to fix the person we live with and not enough time contemplating how to make ourselves feel stronger. It’s time for a new approach.

While you cannot change your spouse’s actions, you can change your reaction.

We cannot blame our spouse for our unhappiness forever. If we decide to stay in a marriage then we cannot spend our days complaining. Often we call up friends and family and speak badly about our partner. There is no positive outcome from dissing your spouse. We need to stop putting down and start pulling ourselves up.

When your spouse comes home moody, don’t fall into the trap of becoming moody yourself. I know this is easier said than done, but you are the only one who can decide how to feel inside your head and heart. Take back control of your emotions. Put on music, go for a run, listen to an enjoyable TV show, find something that you can do to keep your mood positive and happy.

When your wife is snappy, don’t respond in kind. You will be caught in a whirlpool of emotions and find your relationship going down the drain. Change the way you respond. Figure out how you can answer calmly without losing your dignity. You will set a new tone and be happy with the results.

This may not make the problem go away but it will help you feel more in control, stronger and as a result, you will feel more confident and happier with who you are.

3. Reframe 

Instead of grumbling, zero in on what we can solve.

If your spouse is not good at spending time with the children in the evening, maybe emornings would be better.

You feel that your wife brings up the same issue 100 times. Maybe if you would reassure her that you hear her concerns and voice back her emotions, she would finally feel that you are listening.

You need to remember why you fell in love in the first place. What are the qualities that attracted you to this person? Everyone has something good we can focus on, sometimes because of all our anger and hurts we simply cannot see.

Though it would of course be best if both husband and wife share working on their relationship together, this does not mean that we do not have power to make positive change on our own. We will become happier because we will not look toward others for make us happy. 

​This post was adapted from a post written by Slovie Jungries-Wolff.  You can find the original post here:  
http://www.aish.com/f/m/3_Ways_to_Improve_Your_Marriage_on_Your_Own.html

0 Comments

Two ways to fire up passion in the bedroom

5/30/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact.  
​I Corinthians 6:16

The loss of passionate romance is a common complaint in marriage. It seems that once the confetti and rice are swept away and the last of the wedding cake is put in the freezer, so is the couple’s passion.

But marriage in no way requires passion to be put on ice. Love grows less exciting with time for the same reasons that the second run on a fast toboggan slide is less exciting than the first. But as any long-term, happily married couple can tell you, the excitement may decrease, but the real pleasure can still increase. 

So what do couples who enjoy passion do that’s different than others? How do they rekindle the flickering flame of passion? Here are two proven practices: 
  • Practice meaningful touch. Sex therapists have long known what successfully married couples soon learn. Affection, in the form of touching, is not only a preliminary to making love, it is a language that speaks more eloquently than words. Sheldon Van Auken, writing about his marriage to Davy in the book A Severe Mercy, illustrates the profoundness of touch: “Davy had crept near to me still crouching and I put my arm about her, and she snuggled close. Neither of us spoke, not so much as a whispered word. We were together, we were close, we were overwhelmed by a great beauty. I know that it seemed to us both that we were completely one: we had no need to speak.” Meaningful touch is the language of passion.
  • Compliment your partner daily. The most important element of romantic passion for both husbands and wives is to feel special. Not only do they want to feel sexually attractive to their mates, but they want to know they are appreciated. Compliments feel good — both to give and to receive. So, to paraphrase a James Taylor song, “Shower the person you love with compliments.”
When it comes to passion in marriage, the bottom line is that the intensity of early passion is only the beginning. 

We often illustrate it this way: A jet airliner from Seattle to New York uses 80 percent of its fuel in takeoff. A tremendous amount of energy is required to get the plane launched so it can reach a comfortable cruising altitude. The takeoff, however, is only the beginning. 

The cruise is the important part of the journey, and it requires a different kind of energy, one with more sustaining and even power. 

By cultivating a deep-rooted passion, you can avoid years of needless marital turbulence and enjoy soaring at altitudes never imagined.

This post is by Drs Les and Leslie Parrott.  You can find their site here:  ​
http://www.lesandleslie.com

0 Comments

Sunday meditation

5/29/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
Cooperation With God: Dependency
​

When we enter into the state of cooperation with God, we must feel, that our agency is entirely dependent and secondary in all the subsequent progress of the work, whatever it is, not less than in its incipient stages. I know that man has will, and that he has power. It would be a great error to deny or to doubt it. But it is equally true, that he is dependent; and that, in a very important sense, he has nothing. We must, therefore, not only begin in our nothingness; but must be willing to remain in it. It is a partnership, where we must realize, that not only all the capital; but, when properly considered, that all the personal operative power are from one source. Man works, it is true; but God works  IN him. Man's working without God's working, as the basis of it, is of no avail. Man's strength is in God's strength, Hence there must be no undue anxiety, no unsuitable and excited eagerness, no methods and plans of action, originated and prosecuted on worldly principles; which necessarily implies some distrust of the skill and resources of the great Being, who has thus condescended to work by means of human instrumentality. We must move when God moves; stop when He stops; deliberate when He deliberates; act when He acts. Any assumption on our part of superior wisdom or strength, any disposition to move in anticipation of his movement, or in any way to forestall the divine intimations, would be getting not only out of the position of dependence and nothingness, but out of the line of cooperation.

— edited from The Interior or Hidden Life (2nd edition, 1844) Part 3, Chapter 5 by Thomas Cogswell Upham.  His blog is managed by Craig L Adams and can be found here:   http://thomascupham.blogspot.com



0 Comments

God's generosity

5/28/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
God is a god of abundance, not a god of scarcity. Jesus reveals to us God's abundance when he offers so much bread to the people that there are twelve large baskets with leftover scraps (see John 6:5-15), and when he makes his disciples catch so many fish that their boat nearly sinks (Luke 5:1-7). God doesn't give us just enough. God gives us more than enough: more bread and fish than we can eat, more love than we dared to ask for.

God is a generous giver, but we can only see and enjoy God's generosity when we love God with all of our hearts, minds, and strength. As long as we say, "I will love you, God, but first show me your generosity," we will remain distant from God and unable to experience what God truly wants to give us, which is life and life in abundance.

For further reflection...

"You visit the earth and water it, you greatly enrich it; the river of God is full of water; you provide the people with grain, for so you have prepared it.  You water its furrows abundantly, settling its ridges, softening it with showers, and blessing its growth.  You crown the year with your bounty; your wagon tracks overflow with richness.  The pastures of the wilderness overflow, the hills gird themselves with joy, the meadows clothe themselves with flocks, the valleys deck themselves with grain, they shout and sing together for joy." - Psalm 65: 9-13 (NRSV)

This post was written by Henri Nouwen.  You can find his site here:  
www.henrinouwen.org

0 Comments

So that's what prayer's about!

5/27/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us. -- John 17:21


If you are going through a solitary way, read John 17, it will explain exactly why you are where you are — Jesus has prayed that you may be one with the Father as He is. Are you helping God to answer that prayer, or have you some other end for your life? Since you became a disciple you cannot be as independent as you used to be.

The purpose of God is not to answer our prayers, but by our prayers we come to discern the mind of God, and this is revealed in John 17. There is one prayer God must answer, and that is the prayer of Jesus — “that they may be one, even as We are One.” Are we as close to Jesus Christ as that?

God is not concerned about our plans; He does not say — “Do you want to go through this bereavement; this upset?” He allows these things for His own purpose. The things we are going through are either making us sweeter, better, nobler men and women; or they are making us more captious and fault-finding, more insistent upon our own way. The things that happen either make us fiends, or they make us saints; it depends entirely upon the relationship we are in to God. If we say — “Thy will be done,” we get the consolation of John 17, the consolation of knowing that our Father is working according to His own wisdom. When we understand what God is after we will not get mean and cynical. Jesus has prayed nothing less for us than absolute oneness with Himself as He was one with the Father. Some of us are far off it, and yet God will not leave us alone until we are one with Him, because Jesus has prayed that we may be.

This devotional was written by Oswald Chambers



0 Comments

If you don't enjoy puns, you're not very Biblical

5/26/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
"The prophets and the gospels are full of puns. So, if you don't enjoy puns, you're not very Biblical."  This statements was made by the Rabbi as I was listening to his exposition on Yeshayah (Isaiah) Chapter 11:1-9.  

I was finally able to do something that I had been wanting to do for a long time.  I have been a fan of the Messianic music group Lamb for the last 30 years and have been intrigued by the Messianic movement. However, the timing has never worked out, until last Sabbath.  Now that I am 50+ I have decided if I'm every gonna learn about this branch of the Church, I better get moving.  So, I joined a Facebook group called Messianics and started asking questions.  I quickly found that there was a group that met weekly about 25 minutes from my home.  I emailed Rabbi Adler of The Sha'arey Yeshsua Congregation and discovered that this fellowship is vibrant and welcoming.  

The service had a wonderful blend of Judaism and Christianity.  In fact, I believe that if one understands Judaism better and that Jesus is the long-awaited Messiah, one understands Christianity better.  There were congregational readings throughout, first in Hebrew and then in English.  There was a wonderful time of singing and dancing.  I felt fortunate because I knew some of the tunes, as I had heard them on Lamb albums. 

The first thing that I really, really liked, was all the children were brought to the front of the room and were turned around facing the congregation.  Then the congregation sang to them.  It was called Blessing on the Children which was Romans 15:13 sung with a Jewish flavor.  Imagine being a child and a group of adults are singing to you, "May the God of Hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."  It is such an affirming song with an eternal message.  

The second thing that I really, really liked was there were dance leaders who led a group of people, and whoever wanted to join in, dancing around the room during the worship time.  I was singing & clapping and watching these people dancing.   I noticed after about 20 minutes of watching them, I was winded.  Now I'm not in terrific shape but I didn't realize how much I was emotionally dancing with these people even though I didn't leave my seat.  An elderly lady next to me said, "I'm tired!"  I said, "I am too and all I am doing is watching!"  

The third thing that I really, really liked was after the message, the song, Jew and Gentile:  One in Messiah was sung as a congregation.  I found that the Messianic earnestly desires that the church be unified under the one and only true Messiah.  This song helped me to feel included as part of this congregation.  Rabbi Adler noted in verses 5-9 that "the Messiah's presence will be so great that evil is not a threat, that the whole world will have knowledge of the Lord, that the world will know God is who He says He is.  The knowledge of the Messiah will be as the water covers the sea."

Now, you may be thinking, what is the pun Rabbi Adler was talking about?  If you look at Mattityahu (Matthew) 2:23, you will notice that Jesus settling in Nazareth was to fullfill the prophecy that "He would be called a Nazarene."  Rabbi Adler noted that there was no such prophecy.  "That is where the pun is.  That is a play on Yeshayah (Isaiah) 11:1.  The word "netzer" which means "branch" has the same root word as "natzeret" the Hebrew word for Nazareth."  I realized that what I believed was true.  To understand Messianicism would help me understand God's Word better.  Rabbi Adler expounded more on Isaiah 11.  I found several nuggets of understanding that I had not had before but I won't mention them here as this is just a brief overview of my experience.  

If you get the chance to visit a Messianic congregation, go for it.  

0 Comments

Stronger

5/25/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
I suppose one could admit that I have become inwardly stronger more recently than I was in years past -- a bit more tenacious, bold, fearless. True, I do not feel like the young man I was even a few years ago, and I confess that at times I caution myself. I ask myself if the words I have typed on the keypad or have spoken to others in public were appropriate, beneficial, necessary. I do not want to mistake boldness for arrogance. I know I am different. I have seen the changes in my thinking, my attitude, my outlook. I feel a bit more raw, honest and transparent, at times to a fault. If I sense a person behaving in any manner degrading, demeaning, objectifying, or vilifying, to me or to others, or if I detect it in myself, I confront it immediately. Let me explain why.

What is known as "talking down" to a person is a form of rhetoric, polemic, and is associated with ad hominem -- the attacking of one's character in order to dismiss the content of one's opponent. I also view the demeaning of others as a form of injustice. What is injustice, after all, but an unjust act, a wrong, and the violation of the rights of another? People co-exist with each other, at least in a biblically Christian context, maintaining a right to not be violated by the demeaning, degrading, objectifying or vilifying of their character. The Law of the Love of Jesus demands as much.

Of course, we always render qualifications for such a context, including unremorseful and incorrigible people who do not care for the well-being of others. In such cases, however, one may be merely stating a fact by the highlighting of the deplorable character traits of such people. If we name Hitler a psychotic monster, for example, we are not exactly demeaning his character as much as outlining or defining the character traits by which he existed consistently throughout his infamous history. My referents in this post, however, are everyday people with both self-respect and respect for others; even if they are guilty, like the rest of us, of wrong-doing at some level.

Several factors contributed to the growth of my inner strength over the last few years and I am all too grateful for these life-changing realities. One primary factor was forgiveness of my wrong-doing. Being forgiven by God, the one against whom I ultimately sinned, was empowering as well as humbling. I will never forget my therapist confronting me, "If God has forgiven you all of your heinous sins, as well as those against whom you have wronged, then how dare you for not forgiving yourself!" Being forgiven strengthened my inner being. Being forgiven allowed me to embrace honesty, as well as transparency, and to conquer fear and disregard shame. This took years, mind you, but I finally reached the point of no return over a year ago.

The believers at Union Baptist Church in my hometown also contributed to the ever-growing inner strength that continues to enable me to shun fear and defeat shame. Believer after believer kept encouraging me to leave the past in the past, to stop revisiting the shame, and to embrace the Lord who had consumed my shame. Because of their constant nudging and encouragement and affirmation I was enabled to embrace honesty, fearlessness, and transparency. As a matter of fact, the godly believers at Union strengthened me to be honest with my ecclesiological shift, leading me to join Emmanuel Episcopal Church at Jenkins Bridge. I owe them much! Theirs is a gift I will never forget because the gift lives within me and continues to give me inner strength.

Another contributing factor in making me stronger were the writings of the late Henri J.M. Nouwen, especially his book, Can You Drink the Cup? (I purchased the Tenth Anniversary Edition published by Ave Maria Press). At a time when I was baptized in fear, and debilitating shame, this book set me free. This book gave me permission, in Christ, to embrace the me that I was always afraid of sharing with others, the me I tried to hide, the me who always tried to please others, by whose standards I tried forming my thinking and behaving, all to a very -- temporarily -- bad end. I have also had friends who have encouraged me through these years, notably Mrs. Pat, Dale, Chris and Justin. There are, of course, others; and I appreciate each and every person who has ever reached out to me, to further me in the graceful and powerful arms of a loving, forgiving God.

I think that you, too, can benefit from Nouwen. Let me offer you a quote: "As long as we live our deepest truth in secret, isolated from a community of love, its burden is too heavy to carry. The fear of being known [found out] can make us split off our true inner selves from our public selves and make us despise ourselves even when we are acclaimed and praised by many."1 This is how I lived for years. In some incommunicable way, I subconsciously knew this truth, without consciously thinking about the ramifications. Hiding my struggles and fears and shame, refusing to allow anyone into those tragic states of affairs, instrumentally led me into a double-minded life. Even if others could see it, they did not quite understand how to approach me, or even what to say.

What of you? Are you living in fear and shame? Fear can cripple you, hinder you, defeat you; and the friend of fear, shame, can cause you some of the worst turmoil you will ever experience. Fear will cause you to remain in the negative state that you want to escape. Shame will constantly inform you that you are not worthy of a good and successfully emotional, psychological, and spiritual life. Shame will cause you to perceive of guilt as shame. But guilt merely informs you that you did something wrong; while shame tries to convince you that you are something wrong.

Do not confuse guilt with shame. Do not allow fear to control your life. At the same time, do not avoid your pain, or shun your failures. Learn from your failures, but do so by embracing them, owning them. Possess the integrity to look yourself in the mirror and confess: "Yes, I did that, and I will own up to it. That is part of my past. I will despise that failure, I will seek to not repeat that failure, and I will learn from the failure." When your sins and failures and poor judgments affect others, you create victims, and that also creates within you a place of pain. Odd as this may appear, your causing the grief of another person also affects you, and creates a space within you that is filled with guilt, regret, and pain. Once you have sought forgiveness from the one you have wronged, as well as that of God, you must then "live through your pain gradually and thus deprive it of its power over you."2 The same can be applied to a victim of injustice.

If we are to grow stronger inwardly, then we must proactively seek ways that will help us to grow, for growth does not happen by accident. The only entity that we should allow to control us is the Holy Spirit. He is the Spirit of peace, the Spirit of power, the Spirit of restoration. But if we are to continue growing stronger in Christ, we must first acknowledge our inherent powerlessness, remembering the words of Jesus: "Without Me you can do nothing." (John 15:5) Certainly, by "nothing," He is referring to notions of a spiritual degree. In other words, apart from His presence and strength, we can accomplish nothing of spiritual and eternal worth: "The Spirit alone gives eternal life. Human effort accomplishes nothing. And the very words I have spoken to you are spirit and life." (John 6:63 NLT)  

Nouwen, in his book 
The Inner Voice of Love, writes:
There are places in you where you are completely powerless. You so much want to heal yourself, fight your temptations, and stay in control. But you cannot do it yourself. Every time you try, you are more discouraged. . . .

Simply start by admitting that you cannot cure yourself. You have to say yes fully to your powerlessness in order to let God heal you. But it is not really a question of first and then. Your willingness to experience your powerlessness already includes the beginning of surrender to God's action in you. . . .

Your willingness to let go of your desire to control your life reveals a certain trust. The more you relinquish your stubborn need to maintain power, the more you will get in touch with the One who has the power to heal and guide you. And the more you get in touch with that divine power, the easier it will be to confess to yourself and to others your basic powerlessness.3  

You may think to yourself that gaining strength by confessing your weakness is counter-intuitive. But think about Jesus' worldview: the greatest of all mortals is a servant. (Matt. 23:11) In the Kingdom of God, inner strength is gained by humility, not by hubris -- by grace, not by merit -- by gift, not by inherent talent. Allow Nouwen to conclude: "Be quiet, acknowledge your powerlessness, and have faith that one day you will know how much [grace, mercy, and strength] you have received."4 You may grow inwardly stronger only in and through the power of God. (Zech. 4:6)

__________


1 Henri J.M. Nouwen, Can You Drink the Cup? Tenth Anniversary Edition (Notre Dame: Ave Maria Press, 2008), 106.

2 ________, The Inner Voice of Love: A Journey Through Anguish to Freedom (New York: Image Books, 1998), 26. 

3 Ibid., 30.

4 Ibid., 31.

This post was written by William Birch.  You can find his blog here:  
http://www.williambirch.net

0 Comments

Yourself through their eyes

5/24/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
A proper self-perception is crucial for a healthy mind. Through whose eyes do you see yourself? Many of us have a poor self-perception because we are trying to live up to some fantasy of our person that remains disconnected to reality. Henri Nouwen rightly informs us: "You have to let your father and father figures go. You must stop seeing yourself through their eyes and trying to make them proud of you."1 I did this for years. I tried so hard to fit into various molds -- who my parents wanted me to be, who my pastor wanted me to be, who my friends and church wanted me to be -- and, not only did those conflictions confuse me, but in the process I lost myself.

I remember my self-perception as an adolescent. I never really liked myself. I harbored a dark inner secret regarding my same-gendered attraction and, when learning in church that God considered homosexuality an abomination, I sensed that there was a monster lurking within me that was loathed: the real me that no one knew for certain was an abomination. I ran to Jesus out of fear more than love. Perhaps Jesus would protect me from the all-seeing and all-knowing Father who detested the secret me. Little did I know at the time that the Father's love for me was drawing me to Himself in and through Jesus. So, out of fear and shame I tried to become a people-pleaser.

Granted, some of that changed once I graduated high school, and I moved out on my own. Once I was freed from my smalltown context, no longer under the authority of my parents, I began not to care what others thought of me. Still, when I visited home, I fell back into the same frame of mind and tried to please others -- tried to be, or at least appear to be, what others wanted of me. The consequences for living like that for years were, in a word, tragic. I began repeating a cycle: the double-sided coin of fear and shame caused self-loathing; but I wanted to feel good about myself so I lived a secret life in my mind that began to manifest in reality. I would then give in to fear and shame again, which compounded the self-loathing, and so I would try to make myself feel better.

Yet, the ways in which I tried to feel better were emotionally, psychologically and spiritually unhealthy. I will spare you the details. Living like this for years was bound to take its toll. I was not getting better but worse and yet no one knew. Fear is debilitating; and shame is an inept motivator toward recovery, a positive self-image, and a change in cognitive behavior (i.e., positive thinking that affects positive emotions that produce positive behavior). Our actions do not occur in a vacuum. In other words, our actions begin not with motion but in thought, and how we think affects how we feel. So, if you think negative thoughts about yourself, then that will inevitably cause you to feel bad about yourself. If you then think and feel that you are a bad person, even a monster, then your behavior will match your self-perception. How can you break this vicious cycle?

Knowledge is power, so you may have heard or read, and this is true. Once a person learns the root cause(s) of her actions, discovering that they begin in a thought process, then change is possible.

Henri Nouwen, with himself in mind, writes and encourages himself as well as us:
For as long as you can remember, you have been a [people-] pleaser, depending on others to give you an identity [and self-worth]. You need not look at that only in a negative way. You wanted to give your heart to others, and you did so quickly and easily. But now you are being asked to let go of all these self-made props and trust that God is enough for you. You must stop being a [people-] pleaser and reclaim your identity as a free self.2

Until you stop trying to fit the mold of those around you, you will never truly understand yourself, and will remain in an emotional quagmire of confusion, disappointment, and dissatisfaction with life. The old adage is true, that if you cannot love and respect yourself then you cannot expect others to genuinely love and respect you, either. Sure, someone will love you for who you are, and that is a person to truly treasure. This type of person will stay with you no matter your failures, weaknesses, or errant worldview. Such a person does not require you to be a different character than who you actually are in reality. But there are others whom you must avoid at all cost.

You must avoid people who are constantly trying to mold you into their manner of thinking. What this truly conveys is that they do not particularly like you as you are in reality. They want you to think and feel and behave in a different manner -- one that suits their liking. You must understand that such people are themselves insecure. They feel validated when they can morph you into their image. But you must refuse to see yourself through their eyes. How can you accomplish that? By stop trying to please others, to fit in their mold, so that you can get to know yourself. Once you know who you are, and once you embrace, love, and respect who you are, then you will have accomplished seeing yourself not through their eyes but as you really are -- a unique human being created in the image of God who is loved and cherished by the Creator of the universe.

Think about this: there are over seven billion people alive on this planet and there is not one person who is exactly like you -- not one. As a matter of fact, from the beginning of human beings on earth, no one has ever nor will ever be exactly like you. You have your own DNA, your own way of thinking, your own gifts to share with the world, your own unique personality, and your own identity. How, then, can you continue to try to be something that you are not? Why betray reality? Why deny yourself? No other human being is permitted to require you to be anyone or anything other than who you are in reality. So, if you are exhausted with seeing yourself through the eyes of others, then make a change today. You are the only one who can be you.

__________


1 Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Inner Voice of Love: A Journey Through Anguish to Freedom (New York: Image Books, 1998), 5.

2 Ibid.

This post was written by William Birch.  You can find his blog here:  http://www.williambirch.net

0 Comments

Befriend your life

5/23/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
"I didn't think my life would turn out like this." I have heard this statement so many times that I have lost count. I have even said it to myself. Every choice I have made has led me to this life. Every choice I make leads me still. A few years ago I had an epiphany. I was chasing an idea of a life rather than living. I thought that if I attained a certain career then I had arrived at the life I really wanted, or at least thought I wanted, as though reaching that goal would indicate that I had made it, I had arrived, I was somebody -- somebody special, respectable, worthy.

But that goal, still unreached, was not the end-all be-all to life. If I never attain that particular career, what of it? I still have to live. I still have to work. I still have to love and care and worship and think properly and respect others and cherish family members and seek justice for the oppressed and feed the hungry and volunteer. A career is not a life-goal. Who we become, though part of the journey of the life of each one of us, is the goal. We chase the material and ignore the immaterial. We work for money and neglect the inner character of our hearts, minds, and souls.

At some point we need to befriend the life we have. Now, understand me, I am not including the horrors of life for some who are being abused, mistreated, or who are suffering injustice or illness or any other circumstance that can be mended. What I mean is this: if you find yourself working at Burger King, and you are content in your life and in that position, then be happy and befriend your life. I love Burger King and I need you there to serve me. I work at a local mom-and-pop motel and I love it. When tourists visit the Island, they need a good and clean motel at a wonderful price, and they need my smiling face to serve them. I also need the Waste Management team every Wednesday to pick up my trash, the grocery clerks to stock shelves with food, and the check-out personnel to help me at the register. We all need each other no matter our livelihood.

Henri Nouwen helps us on this issue. He learned how to embrace the life he was living -- not clamoring for more, or better, but fully embracing the reality into which he was existing:

We have to live our life, not someone else's. We have to hold our own cup [of sorrow and joy and pleasure and pain]. We have to dare to say: "This is my, the life that is given to me, and it is this life that I have to live, as well as I can. My life is unique. Nobody else will ever live it. I have my own history, my own family, my own body, my own character, my own friends, my own way of thinking, speaking, and acting -- yes, I have my own life to live. No one else has the same challenge. I am alone, because I am unique. Many people can help me to live my life, but after all is said and done, I have to make my own choices about how to live.1

I am still learning how to live these truths out in my daily existence. I read Nouwen's book for the first time in 2012 and I am still learning how to live out these truths. The hardest lesson I had to learn was not allowing myself to think and feel and live as others expected me to think and feel and live. If I tried to think and feel and live the way others wanted, I would increasingly go insane, because people are so very different; and they all differ in how they want me to think and feel and live. But I cannot live their life. I have to live out my own life in my unique way. So do you.

​You cannot be me. I will never try to make you me. You can agree with me on issues or you can disagree with me on issues. I will not abandon you for disagreeing with me. What matters is not that you disagree with me but how you disagree with me. Still, if everyone thought and felt and lived as do I, the world would be too familiar, and far too predictable. I need you to be you as much as you need me to be me. May each one of us encourage others instead of trying to change others to think and to feel and to live like each one of us thinks and feels and lives.

Again, Nouwen suggests that living this unique life of each one of us should help us to confess not only "This is my life," but "I want this to be my life."2 I fought against that notion for years. But all I was really accomplishing was denying reality. Nouwen understands this fear: "It is not easy to do this. For a long time we might not feel capable of accepting our own life; we might keep fighting for a better or at least a different life."3 The end result, though, is defeat. No one ever wins the battle against reality. You may not like your body shape, or your face, or your economic status, or your extended family, or the car you drive (or not having transportation), or where you live, or whatever. But even some people who appear to "have it all" are completely miserable. Why? Because inner peace is not obtained by good looks, opportunity, or wealth.

What benefit will you reap by embracing your life? Nouwen writes: "But as we gradually come to befriend our own reality, to look with compassion at our own sorrows and joys, and as we are able to discover the unique potential of our way of being in the world, we can move beyond our protest, put the cup of our life to our lips and drink it, slowly, carefully, but fully."4 Befriending your life brings inner contentment. What does St Paul teach? "Of course, there is great gain in godliness combined with contentment; for we brought nothing into the world, so that we can take nothing out of it; but if we have food and clothing, we will be content with these." (1 Tim. 6:6, 7, 8, emphases added) Inner contentment will satisfy the anxious state of your soul.

The only way you will truly possess inner contentment is by embracing the life you have, making it your own unique presence in the world, and living in an authentic and transparent manner. In this way you will be a blessing not only to others but also to God and to yourself. "Spiritual greatness has nothing to do with being greater than others. It has everything to do with being as great as each of us can be."5 Learn to embrace and love not only your life but yourself.
__________

1 Henri J.M. Nouwen, Can You Drink the Cup? Tenth Anniversary Edition (Notre Dame: Ave Maria Press, 2008), 31-32.

2 Ibid., 86.

3 Ibid., 87.

4 Ibid.

5 Ibid., 89.

This post was written by William Birch.  You can find his blog here:  http://www.williambirch.net

0 Comments

Sunday Meditation

5/22/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
Freedom From the Fear of God's Displeasure
​

And, what is greater than all, the man who in the exercise of faith is fully united to God has rest from the fear of the divine displeasure.

 John Climachus, one of the devout and learned anchorites of Mount Sinai, in referring to the inward state of a holy man with whose history he had become acquainted, represents the divine grace to have been so marked and powerful in its operations as to have taken away from him apparently even the fear of God. Although such expressions are liable to be misunderstood, it is beyond question that they are susceptible of a meaning which involves an important truth. It is a universal truth, applicable in all times and situations, and not a particular truth limited to specific cases, that  "perfect love casts out fear."  Love and fear, in their very nature, are antagonistical principles. Where love rules, fear is extinguished. The triumph of the one is necessarily the exclusion of the other.

But, in laying down this universal principle, we must have a regard to the meaning of terms. The fear which is based upon the consciousness of guilt, is a different thing from that fear which is synonymous with reverence. It is certain, where love is perfected in the heart, that all fear which results from sin is extinguished. In that sense of the term, or rather with that limitation of the use of the term, the holy man ceases to fear. God has no sooner merged the character of a judge in that of a friend, than the man of God delights to be with him, and to converse with him. It is no more his nature to flee from God under the influence of sinful fear, than it is the nature of an innocent child to flee from its mother. He rests, like calm and helpless infancy, on the arm that is wreathed with lightnings. The lightnings have no terror for innocence; but rather, divested of everything which can harm it, they shine like flowers, and play round it like sunbeams. But to those who are in a state of fear, originating in sin, they retain the terrors of their original nature, smiting with a power which rends the rocks in pieces, and burning with a consuming fire.

— edited from A Treatise on Divine Union (1851) Part 8, Chapter 5 by Thomas Cogswell Upham.  You can find more of his work at the blog, The Hidden Life, managed by Craig L Adams at:  
http://thomascupham.blogspot.com​

0 Comments
<<Previous

    Rules for commenting:

    1.  Be respectful  
    2.  Refer to rule #1

    All comments may not be approved.

    Note that many identifying details about individuals in these posts are not accurate.  Their identity is protected, except for those individuals who are being honored or are public figures.

    RSS Feed

    Enter your email address:

    Delivered by FeedBurner

    Categories

    All
    Abortion
    Abraham
    Abstinence
    Abuse
    Accountability
    Adam
    Adam Yauch
    Addictions
    Admiration
    Adultery
    Affair
    Amos
    Angels
    Anger
    Anniversary
    Anoint
    Anonymous
    Anxiety
    Atheism
    Avoidant
    Bad Boy
    Battle
    Beastie Boys
    Beautiful
    Bestiality
    Betrayal
    Bird
    Blame
    Bobby Petrino
    Bondage
    Book Review
    Brian Head Welch
    Brothel
    B.T. Roberts
    Camping
    Cancer
    Challenge
    Change
    Chaotic
    Character
    Children
    Choice
    Christmas
    Church
    Church Camp
    Closed Door
    Compulsions
    Confession
    Confident
    Control
    Courage
    Covenant
    Creator
    Crown
    Crucifixion
    Darkness
    Death
    Deception
    Decision
    Demons
    Depression
    Detachment
    Devotions
    Dez Bryant
    Differences
    Dilemma
    Dirty
    Discipleship
    Disgusting
    Divorce
    Domestic Violence
    Domination
    Doubt
    Dreams
    Dr Hart8bb80a7b00
    Dwayne Allen
    Dysfunction
    Easter
    Eden
    Ego
    Eleazar
    Elitism
    Empty
    Envy
    Ephesians
    Equality
    Erectile Dysfunction
    Esau
    Eternity
    Euthanasia
    Evil
    Exhibitionism
    Eyes
    Facebook
    Faithfulness
    Fantasy
    Fasting
    Father
    Favorites
    Fear
    Fellatio
    Fighting
    Fishing
    Flashing
    Flattery
    Flesh
    Force
    Forgiveness
    Gentleman
    Girls Gone Wild
    G.K. Chesteron
    Goals
    God
    Good Friday
    Grace
    Gratitude
    Greek
    Guard
    Guilt
    Heart
    Heaven
    Hebrew
    Hell
    Henri Nouwen
    Histrionic
    Hogging
    Holiness
    Hollow
    Honesty
    Honor
    Hope
    Humility
    Humor
    Ichabod
    Idols
    Impurity
    Individuality
    Input
    Insane Clown Posse
    Integrity
    Intent
    Intimacy
    Isaac
    Islam
    Jack Schaap
    Jamaica
    Jealousy
    Jimmy Needham
    Job
    Joy
    J.R.R. Tolkien
    Judgmentalism
    Justice
    Kindness
    King David
    Kittens
    Komboloib7e292a311
    Korn
    Larry Norman
    Leave It To Beaver
    Lies
    Light
    Listening
    Loneliness
    Love
    Lust
    Lying
    Macho
    Manners
    Marriage
    Masculinity
    Masturbation
    Maturity
    Mca
    Meditation
    Messianic
    Meticulous
    Mighty
    Missions
    Money
    Monogamy
    Moses
    Motivations
    Movies
    Music
    Normal
    Obedience
    Obscenity
    Open Door
    Parenting
    Passiveaggressive2ed940c88b
    Pastor
    Path
    Perfection
    Personality Disorders
    P.O.D.
    Politics
    Pornography
    Pornograpy
    Power
    Practical
    Prayer
    Predator
    Prejudice
    Premature Ejaculaton
    Preparation
    Pride
    Problems
    Promises
    Protection
    Providence
    Purity
    Quechua
    Quiz
    Racism
    Regret
    Religious
    Repentance
    Reputation
    Research
    Respect
    Responsibility
    Rest
    Resurrection
    Revival
    Righteousness
    Robots
    Roughhousing
    Routine
    Rules
    Rut
    Sabbath
    Sacrifice
    Sadism
    Salvation
    Sanctification
    Satisfaction
    Selfishness
    Self Love
    Self-love
    Service
    Sex
    Sexism
    Sexuality
    Sexual Response
    Sexual Response
    Shame
    Sin
    Singing
    Snobbery
    Soldier
    Sovereignty
    Stalking
    Stephen Hawking
    Step-parenting
    Strong
    Success
    Succubus
    Suicide
    Swearing
    Sword
    Teenagers
    Temper
    Temptation
    Tenth Ave North
    Testing
    Theology
    Thinking
    Thomas Cogswell Upham
    Tim Tebow
    Tournament Male
    Tradition
    Trafficking
    Trapped
    Trauma
    Triggers
    Trust
    Truth
    U2
    Uncle Buddy
    Unity
    Violence
    Virtue
    Vulnerability
    Warrior
    Watchman Nee
    Waywardness
    What Is A Man
    Women
    Worry
    Worship
    Wussification
    Year In Review
    Zombies

    Archives

    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012

IRONSTRIKES

Men Forging Men