Category: Fighting

Doing all you can do

4/28/2014

Perhaps you know of someone who has poured his or her life into someone in need only to have that person continue to make bad life decisions. All the love, money, prayer and encouragement that is possible to flow from one person can never seem to guarantee good results. I know two people in this very scenario right now. The Lord has been so faithful to answer their prayers -- only to see the person upon whom God has graced continue on what seems like a bad path.

What do you do when you've done all you can do? For some reason that one, quite perplexing question reminds me of a passage of Scripture, though the context may seem out of place: "and having done all, stand" (cf. Eph. 6:13). Paul, instructing us in times of personal battles of how to be "strong in the Lord and in the strength of his power," encourages us to take up the whole armor of God, "so that you may be able to withstand on that evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm" (Eph. 6:13 NRSV). But what does he mean by stand?

When trials and trouble come, we tend to fall apart, not stand; we tend to fall or break down, not stand firm. We battle, however, not from a place of potential failure but on the rock solid foundation of all that Christ Jesus accomplished for us. Our battles, if you will, actually belong to the Lord -- He will fight on our behalf. The ultimate war of good and evil, light and darkness, life (eternal) and death (eternal) has already been won by Christ.

When we encounter various trials, we do so from the perspective that our Conquering King has already won the victory. We are seated with (and are united in) Christ in the heavenlies (Eph. 1:3, 20; 2:6). What we battle now is the mere aftermath of the sin nature and some brazen rogue devils (who are given a measure of free will in our sovereign God's world). Still, we are called to the Fight, but our landscape and prospect are not as they once were.

What do you do when you've done all you can do? You stand -- stand in full assurance of the goodness, faithfulness, and promises of God to you in Christ. You stand -- stand still and know that He is God, that He alone can change the circumstances. You stand -- on your knees, continuing to pray, relying on Him to make a path where none yet seems possible. You stand -- firm in your faith, not wavering, because you realize that only God can make the difference. You stand -- in reality, realizing and confessing your own limitations, while you rely faithfully and solely by trust in God's limitless abilities.

You can't change the world; you're not God. You're not in control of the life and heart of any individual. You have a difficult enough time trying to keep yourself in line -- you can't make anyone else make right choices. Do what you're called of the Lord to do and leave governing the universe to Him.

Yes, that individual may be breaking your heart. Yes, you hate to see all of the consequences of the bad choices that are being made. You don't know whether to cry or cuss -- and perhaps you've tried them both! Maybe you want to give up. But giving up in the midst of the struggle never truly solved any bad situation. You must, for your own sanity and sanctification, realize that you can only do so much. When you have done all that you can do, stand.

This post was written anonymously. The original post can be found here: http://credendum.weebly.com/1/post/2014/04/doing-all-you-can-do.html

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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Marital conflict: The big five

6/10/2013

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One of the most common misconceptions in marriages today is that fighting is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. But is it? Is a healthy marriage really one completely absent of conflict?

As a psychologist (Les) and a marriage and family therapist (Leslie), married since 1984, we don't claim to have a perfect relationship. We fight—just like every other couple on the planet. But we've learned a secret: There's a difference between a bad fight and a good fight.

And when a couple learns to fight a good fight, the conflict actually brings them closer.

All couples generally fight over the same five things: money, sex, work, parenting and housework. Most argue about these five issues over and over again because these are all stressors that speak to our sense of love and fairness.

But you can learn to fight about them in a healthy way. Here are some tools to help you cool down "The Big Five."

Money

Allow us to say it straight: Money fights between couples are rarely about money. So if you want to minimize a currency conflict, trace it back to the fear that’s fueling it.

Instead of fighting over the amount of money that was spent on who-knows-what, shift the focus toward what really matters: (1) your fear of not having influence in important issues impacting your life, (2) your fear of not having security in your future, (3) your fear of having no respect shown for your values, or (4) your fear of not realizing your dreams.

Sex

To keep sexual grievances down and the marital bedsprings bouncing, we recommend focusing on solving “coordination failure.” It’s a common problem in marriages. The number-one reason people report not having sex in their marriage is “Too tired,” followed closely by “Not in the mood.” Most of the time, that’s code, knowingly or not, for having mismatched sex drives.

So start talking about it. As we write this, we can almost feel you cringing. For most couples, talking about sex is about as comfortable as sleeping in a car. Yet it’s a conversation that’s critically important to aligning your libidos and minimizing your conflicts. When the time is right, when both of you are relaxed and not distracted, ask each other to explain when you feel most eager to head to bed. Your answers may surprise you.

Work

We’ve got two words for you: date night. We know. You’ve heard this a thousand times: do a weekly date night or your marriage will suffer. Sounds more like a threat than friendly advice, doesn’t it? But it’s a surefire way to keep career conflict to a minimum.

In spite of this frequent advice, the message doesn’t seem to be getting through. Here’s how often married people, aged 25 to 50 with two or more children, have a date night:

Once a week: 4 percent
Once a month: 21 percent
Once every two to three months: 21 percent
Once every four to six months: 18 percent
Once every seven months or less often: 36 percent

Yikes! We can do better than that, and there’s good reason to do it. The National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia recently released a report titled “The Date Night Opportunity.” This study found that husbands and wives who set aside a deliberate time to connect and have fun at least once a week were approximately three and a half times more likely to report being “very happy” in their marriages.

Children

The solution for nearly any parenting conflict is found in getting on the same page and presenting a unified front. Otherwise, your kids play you against each other and add fuel to the parenting fire. Conflict decreases as teamwork increases. It may not be easy to agree with your spouse on the rules and standards you are willing to enforce with your kids. That’s why the first order of business is to iron out differences behind closed doors.

Don’t try to solve your parenting squabbles in the moment—while the kids enjoy the show. The time for presenting your ideas and negotiating trade-offs is when the two of you are alone. Once you reach agreement, stick together. When parents present a united front, there’s no room for recriminating I-told-you-so’s.

Chores

Let’s face it—most housework fights come about because one spouse is keeping score. That’s a bad idea. The scales of marriage are always in flux, and you’re only setting yourselves up for turmoil if you’ve installed a figurative scoreboard in your relationship. Using the division of labor approach does away with all that.

Trina, for example, is better and faster than Dan at both doing the dishes and tidying up around the house. In fact, she does it in half the time it takes him. Given this fact, does it make sense for Dan to do either of these tasks? Not really. What does make sense is for Dan to refresh the water bowl for their pet and prepare their child’s room for bedtime. He’s also quicker at organizing and tracking their finances. He does it in half the time it would take Trina. He’s also pretty good at ironing his own shirts.

You get the idea. It’s simple. Quit trying to divide the household chores down the middle. Marriage is lived best when you’re not trying to balance the scales.

Conflict is a fact of life, but it doesn’t have to be a bad one. When you are your spouse hit up against it next—and you will—go ahead and fight it out, but fight it with the goal to grow closer, to understand him or her better and to love each other well even in the midst of disagreement.

This post was written by Drs Les & Leslie Parrot. For the original post with comments, go to: http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/relationships/5-biggest-areas-conflict-couples

For their newest book which entails these concepts, go to THE GOOD FIGHT: HOW CONFLICT CAN BRING YOU CLOSER

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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Jesus Power

4/20/2013

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Do you want power? Consider the power that Jesus had available to Him: "Don't you think that I could call on my Father to send more than twelve legions of angels to help me now?" What does that mean? Let's put this in mathematical terms for all you geeks out there.

It is generally considered that in the Roman Empire, a legion was 6,000 soldiers. In Isaiah 37:36, a single angel obliterated 185,000 men.

I think you know where I am going, but let me do the math for you...

If a single angel can take care of 185,000 men, then the combined strength of one legion would be enough to destroy 1, 110, 000,000 (one billion, one hundred ten million) men. That is just ONE legion!

Now Jesus said that he had more than 12 legions of angels at his disposal. That is at least 72,000 angels. So the combined strength at Jesus' command was the ability to annihilate 13,320,000,000 (thirteen billion, three hundred twenty million) men. BTW - The current earth population is a little over seven billion.

That is the kind of physical strength that Jesus has available to him. No wonder he told Peter to put away his sword. Jesus did not need Peter's little sword that night. That means that Jesus willingly gave Himself to be crucified.

Let's learn a lesson from Peter and Jesus here.

As you face your own challenges in life, always keep in mind that Jesus has the power to fix any problem you'll ever come across. Before you jump in and make things worse by taking matters into your own hands, remember Peter.

The next time you're tempted to "grab a sword and start swinging," take a few minutes to remind yourself that Jesus can handle the problem without your intervention. Before you do anything else, pray and ask the Lord what you are supposed to do. Then after you receive your answer and follow His instructions, just watch His supernatural power swing into action to solve the dilemma you are facing!!

Taken from Sparkling Gems from the Greek

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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Fighting

3/20/2013

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Tom Brown’s School Days (free on kindle) was a popular nineteenth-century novel that followed eleven-year-old Tom Brown, as he adjusted to life at a public boarding school for boys and learned how to become a young gentleman. The following excerpt introduces an account of Tom’s only big fight at the school. The headmaster had given him a student to look after, and when a large bully attacked the frail and sensitive boy, Tom stepped in to stop the beating and fight the bully himself.

Fighting
From Tom Brown’s School Days, 1857
By Thomas Hughes

Let those young persons whose stomachs are not strong, or who think a good set-to with the weapons which God has given to us all an uncivilized, unchristian, or ungentlemanly affair, just skip this chapter at once, for it won’t be to their taste.

It was not at all usual in those days for two schoolhouse boys to have a fight. Of course, there were exceptions, when some cross-grained, hard-headed fellow came up who would never be happy unless he was quarreling with his nearest neighbors, or when there was some class dispute between the fifth form and the fags, for instance, which required bloodletting; and a champion was picked out on each side tacitly, who settled the matter by a good, hearty mill. But for the most part the constant use of those surest keepers of the peace, the boxing-gloves, kept the schoolhouse boys from fighting one another. Two or three nights in every week the gloves were brought out, either in the hall or fifth-form room; and every boy who was ever likely to fight at all knew all his neighbors’ prowess perfectly well, and could tell to a nicety what chance he would have in a stand-up fight with any other boy in the house. But of course no such experience could be gotten as regarded boys in other houses; and as most of the other houses were more or less jealous of the schoolhouse, collisions were frequent.

After all, what would life be without fighting, I should like to know? From the cradle to the grave, fighting, rightly understood, is the business, the real, highest, honestest business of every son of man. Every one who is worth his salt has his enemies, who must be beaten, be they evil thoughts and habits in himself or spiritual wickedness in high places, or Russians, or Border-ruffians, or Bill, Tom, or Harry, who will not let him live his life in quiet till he has thrashed them.

It is no good for Quakers, or any other body of men, to uplift their voices against fighting. Human nature is too strong for them, and they don’t follow their own precepts. Every soul of them is doing his own piece of fighting, somehow and somewhere. The world might be a better world without fighting, for anything I know, but it wouldn’t be our world; and therefore I am dead against crying peace when there is no peace, and isn’t meant to be. I’m as sorry as any man to see folk fighting the wrong people and the wrong things, but I’d a deal sooner see them doing that, than that they should have no fight in them.

For the original post, go to: http://artofmanliness.com/2013/03/16/manvotional-fighting/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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Doing all you can do

Marital conflict: The big five

Jesus Power

Fighting

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