"We haven't shared our bed for over 20 years," the man told me.  This man came to see me for counseling as he was at the end of himself.  He was running out of faith.  Faith in his marriage, faith in his wife, and ultimately faith that God could fix his situation.  He was on the verge of suicide.

He told me an interesting story.  The problem started rather simply as many young marriages do.  "We were having a fight one evening.  I don't even remember what it was about.  But we were really steamed at each other and I decided I was going to "punish" my wife.  I told her that if she was going to act that way, I would just sleep on the couch."  Over time, this couple learned to handle their conflicts in this distorted, disrespectful and damaging way. God says that this type of behavior is sinful.   Sometimes, his wife would take the initiative and "punish" him by sleeping on the couch.  Over time, there was less forgiveness, less tolerance and less sleeping together.  After a while, they stopped sleeping with each other altogether.  His wife decided that she didn't want to share their bed with a man who was so unforgiving.  So, she decided to move into the spare bedroom.  God has stated that this type of behavior is unacceptable.

By all outward appearances, this couple was envied by their friends.  This couple had a terrific facade.  They both led very active lives.  He would spend time with the boys watching sports and hanging out.  Her friends became more important to her than her husband.  People were so observant of their ability "to let each other enjoy themselves without tying the other down."  

There were problems that were creeping in unaware to this couple.  Their children noticed that at home, dad & mom would hardly speak to each other.  They noticed that there parents would each go to their respective bedrooms in the evening and watch TV.  They noticed that, at home, there was a lack of love and joy.  However, the children also noticed that when they would go to church as a family, that all seemed good.  At first the children enjoyed going to church because it felt like then they were a family that really loved and cared for each other.  However, as the children became teenagers, they noticed the hypocrisy that their parents displayed.  Their parents were one way at home, one way with their friends, and another way at church.  When the children would talk to their friends, they came to realize that their parents really didn't love each other.  It was all an act.  

It was his son that awakened this man to what was really happening.  His son casually said, sarcastically, "when I get married I want to have a wife that I don't love too, Dad."  This man was so floored by his son's hurtful statement, that he didn't even know what to say or do.  He just broke down and started crying.  He asked himself, "what have I taught my children about love and marriage?"  He realized that the last 20 years of his life have been a sham.  That's when the feelings of despair and hopelessness set in.  That's when he first started contemplating ending his life.  Fortunately, this man sought help for his situation, deciding to get counseling for himself.

Now, the recovery from 20 years of denial and lovelessness is a long and arduous journey and I won't get into the issues that this man needed to face in counseling.  However, I share his story to stop you and make you think...

How are you treating your wife?  Have you two gone so far as to not share the marriage bed anymore?  Maybe you haven't done that physically but emotionally.  Do you sleep together, side-by-side, each nite and wonder why you're married, not feeling as if this person to whom you are married is even worth staying with?  Have you given up on your love internally and just live a sham marriage?  

Let me encourage you today.  A pastor of mine used to say this frequently in his sermons, "it's never to late to do the right thing."  So, if you've gone a long time (or even a short time) and haven't been cultivating the love and romance in your marriage, be a man and take the first step.  Swallow your pride. Apologize to your wife for discarding her.  Work on valuing her.  Let your kids see you two in love.  Get help and talk to your pastor or a Christian counselor.

Tomorrow, we are going to continue our discussion of marriage...

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

“Everything happens for a reason.” How many times have you heard this short, pithy saying echoed in response to tragedy? Hospital rooms and crime scenes across the world are littered with these words. Such a seemingly innocent idea appears to provide many Christians with serenity and strength in the midst of great calamity. It is truly a concept that has brought many Christian sufferers a profound sense of security and comfort in moments of intense grief. The notion that there is a reason, or a purpose, for all events seems to say something positive about the sovereign care of God. To affirm this popular Christian idea is to affirm that, even in the midst of utter chaos and confusion, God has everything under control; all events are a part of God’s magnificent, immutable plan for his creation. When viewed in this light, it is no wonder why so many well-meaning believers hold on to this popular Christian motto.

But what are the dangers, if any, of such an understanding? It seems to me that this seemingly harmless idea carries with it some heavy theological implications. A quick analysis of the key terms used in this common Christian saying will be more than sufficient in demonstrating this. The word “everything” obviously means “all occurrences,” or “all events”—from the greatest acts of self-sacrificial love, or pure altruism, to the most horrendous evils imaginable.

The phrase “for a reason” seems to imply that the event in question was necessary to some greater good; it is a part of a greater divine plan. In this schema, there are no accidents, no pointless events; nothing happens merely by chance. This means that God is involved in every single event; the hand of God is somehow behind all occurrences. Thus, meaning can be found everywhere. There is hope that even the most horrific evils serve some higher purpose.

Overall, this weighty Christian motto seems to lead to two possible theological conclusions: Either (1) all events are caused by God or (2) God deliberately chooses not to intervene in particular situations, and thus not to prevent certain evils, in order to fulfill his set purposes, which would not have materialized had he intervened. In other words, either all things are divinely determined or God allows particular evils to occur in particular situations because they are necessary to greater goods which justify their occurrence.

Both of these options are based on the notion of particular providence, or meticulous divine governance, and thus both of them deny the existence of gratuitous evils. Again, if everything indeed happens for a reason, then there is no such thing as a pointless, purely accidental, or even unnecessary evil.

Based on this analysis, it should not be surprising that this common Christian understanding has often led to some controversial public pronouncements, to say the least. For instance, in the time before the election, a certain Republican senate candidate allegedly claimed that rape is the will of God. Whether or not this is actually what the prospective senator meant is unclear (personally I do not think that it was). Nevertheless, the words of this senatorial candidate have been interpreted in this very manner.

This recent charade is just another example of how problematic, and even dangerous, this theological viewpoint can be. Not only can it be detrimental to Christian witness in the world—as it can easily portray God as the author of evil—but it can also be injurious to personal faith for the same exact reasons. One can imagine the trauma that a person can undergo when that person sincerely believes that God is the cause of her husband’s physical suffering or her daughter’s mental disability. The trauma might even be more intense in cases that involve the repugnant stain of moral evils (all evil that stems from the will of human beings) like rape.

With all of this in mind, my purpose in writing is to correct what I see as a highly-problematic misunderstanding in popular Christian theology. In order to effectively deal with the troubling words of the Indiana senatorial candidate mentioned above, I will narrow my focus to the concept of moral evil in particular.

It is impossible to prove that the idea of particular providence, or meticulous divine governance, actually corresponds to reality. Unfortunately, it is also impossible to prove that it does not. Thus, when discussing such matters, we must be willing to put aside our desire to make objective, matter-of-fact claims. What we can do, however, is discuss what we think is reasonable.

I would argue that the ontological existence of gratuitous, pointless, unnecessary evil makes much more sense of Christian theology and human experience than its nonexistence does. Likewise, I would also argue that the notion of genuine libertarian free will, which allows for the existence of gratuitous evils, makes more sense of reality and Christian theology than its alternatives--either the idea that God causes everything or the idea that God meticulously overrides all human actions that would have resulted in moral evils except for those that are necessary to greater goods. 

Human beings are free moral agents and thus possess the God-given capacity to make free moral choices. God endowed human beings with personal and moral freedom because he values sincerity of choice and sincerity of action. God is not in the business of creating robots that are programmed to think and act in a set, predetermined manner. Instead, God created human beings in his image, which involves personal and moral freedom, so that they may be able to choose the good out of the sincerity of their heart, rather than out of the coercion of the divine will.

In a world where sincere human freedom exists, and thus in a world where God does not jeopardize the integrity of the moral order by continually tinkering in human affairs, the potentiality for gratuitous, or pointless, evil exists; gratuitous evil will always be a possibility in a world occupied by free moral agents who are generally unabated by the coercive will of God. In fact, the same moral freedom that allows for some of the most selfless acts of love also allows for some of the most horrific acts of evil. Mother Teresa used her moral freedom to minister to the poor of India; Ted Bundy used his moral freedom to murder innocent young women. Freedom is a beautiful thing, but it can also be a dangerous thing.

In light of this, I tend to believe that, more often than not, evil is an abuse of human freedom, rather than an abuse of divine freedom; God does not force people to do bad things, people sincerely choose to do bad things. We must allow man to be evil and God to be good. When we ascribe evil to the will of God, we basically blame God for things that he plays no part in, things that he actually despises. To be quite honest, this is insulting to the nature and character of God.

If human beings truly are free moral agents, equipped with the ability to make free moral choices, and if God truly values the sincerity of human action and the integrity of the moral order, then it follows that some things do not happen for a higher, divine purpose. Again, if God truly allows his creatures to act as they may, without intervening every time they are about to commit a moral evil that is not necessary to a greater good, then some evil is entirely pointless. Because moral evil is often the sole result of human perversity, evil is not always necessary to greater goods. In a world endowed with human freedom, some evil is simply meaningless.

So, in response to the recent controversial remarks from the Indiana senatorial candidate mentioned above, we can rightly say that rape is not the will of God. Instead, it can be said that rape is a perverse expression of the depraved human will. In general, the act of rape is a meaningless, pointless, gratuitous evil that opposes God’s good purposes for his creation; it is a good example of a thing that happens for no higher purpose, or reason.

Fortunately, however, we do serve a God who both can and will redeem all evils, and who, in some way, can beautify even the ugliest perversities of the human will. Even though some things may not happen for a reason, and even though God’s perfect will does not always come to fruition in the midst of a rebellious world, God is never far from us. He is here. He has not abandoned us, and never will he. Though it may not always seem like it, God is working to make all things new. He will not allow evil to reign in this world forever. Although our world may be consumed with evil, even gratuitous evil, God is surely able to turn that which is ugly into something that is beautiful, even glorious; we worship a God who seeks to use the bad for good. This is what Christians call redemption, and this is the eternal plan of the Triune God.

This post was written by Ryan Ragozine who is a Master Arts in Theological Studies student at Asbury Theological Seminary. He received a B.A. in theological studies from Southwestern Assemblies of God University and plans to pursue a Ph.D in historical theology.


For the original post, go to:  http://seedbed.com/feed/evil-sometimes-the-human-explanation-is-better-than-the-divine-explanation

Is it appropriate to reveal a long held hidden secret in this type of blog? I am not sure, but today I am going to do just that. This secret is one that my brother and I have been holding on to since the late 80’s. In fact, he may object to the fact that I am revealing this secret. Okay, here it goes…

When we were younger, my brother and I were playing in the field behind our house.  Like normal boys who didn’t listen to the voice of reason (and ironically had a firefighter for a father), after jumping ramps with our bikes we became bored and decided to light small things on fire (leaves, trash, etc). Well as you could imagine this got out of hand quickly and soon a large fire erupted and engulfed a significant portion of the field. The next few minutes felt like an eternity. All we had were cardboard boxes that we had brought some things in so we thought it would be a great idea to somehow try to put the fire out with these boxes. This was a bad idea. Eventually, after kicking sand on the fire everything was fine. From then on we vowed to not reveal our secret until we were adults and were guaranteed not to get in trouble.

We are brothers, so you already know that we used this event to blackmail each other, and force each other to do the other’s chores. All we had to do was look at each other and say “I will tell Mom and Dad about the matches”…and all arguments would cease. The truth was always kept hidden to control the other sibling.

As humans, our tendency in life is to attempt to make our situation look better than it is. We try to hide or even ignore the truth when it is inconvenient because we feel like people will look down on us or we will even get “in trouble” if we are transparent.

If all truth belongs to God then it stands to reason that living a life that embraces truth will lead to blessing. Doing the right thing will never return void…it may hurt at first, but it will always benefit.

Trust in God today. Do what is right.  

More tomorrow...

This post was written by Rev DeCrastos.  You can find the original post here:
http://otherwordsdotnet.wordpress.com/2012/09/29/getting-in-trouble/

Are you, believer, the sum total of your actions or choices? Does behavior always follow beliefs? Who are you? What defines you? Who defines you? Who do you allow to define you? How we answer these questions individually will, no doubt, vary; but answer them we must, at some time and in some manner, if we are to understand not only who we are but whose we are.

After the LORD had graciously caught me in my sin, I remember an officer telling me, after I had quite the breakdown in front of her: 

"This act does not define you. This is something that you did, not who you
 are." I was not expecting her to tell me that, and I will not soon forget it.

I have come to learn that many times our various behaviors and decisions do not always consistently follow our beliefs. We can be quite inconsistent creatures. We can believe and reason in one manner, holding tenaciously to our beliefs, and then behave in the exact opposite manner, thus betraying our beliefs.

Some people often quote Proverbs 23:7 from some semblance of the King James Version: "As a man thinks in his heart, so is he." Contextually, however, that is not a proper concept, and there are better translations which accurately capture the essence of this proverb: "Do not eat the bread of the stingy; do not desire their delicacies; for like a hair in the throat, so are they. 'Eat and drink!' they say to you; but they do not mean it" (Prov. 23:6-7 NRSV).

Or, for another example: "Do not eat the bread of a man who is stingy; do not desire his delicacies, for he is like one who is inwardly calculating. 'Eat and drink!' he says to you, but his heart is not with you" (Prov. 23:6-7 ESV). This man makes one statement with his mouth, but in his heart, he is not being honest. He offers a nice gesture, but he does not really want to grant the offer. 

In other words, he appears genuine and generous, but inwardly he is uncharitable. What he feels and thinks inwardly is not how he appears outwardly. Others may think of him as generous and even thrust such an identity upon him. But generous is not his true nature; stinginess and greed are in his heart. When he appears generous, he is acting against his true desires. 

Do you wonder what people think of you? Do you wonder what identity people thrust upon you? Those with low self-esteem believe people think very lowly of them. People who think much of themselves believe others think very highly of them. There may be a small amount of necessity as to what others think of us. "A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, and favor is better than silver or gold" (Prov. 22:1 NRSV). But who we are in Christ Jesus is what matters most. 

Moreover, not who we are but whose we are is of utmost importance. Even if the societal perception of us is less than pleasant, God's perception of us is paramount. If we have trusted Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, God views us as holy and blameless (cf. Eph. 1:4). We are the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus (2 Cor. 5:21). What is the righteousness of God?

The word righteousness -- dikaiosuné -- refers to justice, just or justness (link). From the word dikaiosýnē, it refers to being judicially approved, what is deemed right by the Lord and what is approved in His view. For all my wrongs, I am right from God's perspective, by grace through faith in Christ Jesus. Though I have sinned, I am counted as sinless in Christ.

Now that is an identity perspective in which I can rejoice! My past behaviors donot define me, nor do they define you. I am not the sum total of my respective decisions and actions from God's perspective, and in Christ neither are you. Moreover, I will not allow others to dictate my identity, and neither will you. Our actions are merely symptoms. Jesus is the solution and cure.  

This post was written by William W. Birch.  For the original post go to:  http://www.wpfences.com/2012/10/actions-and-identity.html

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

Let us acknowledge the Lord; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth.

There are days when we feel God's presence. We sense God's love. We see God's power. But we do not always feel or sense or see. There are times of silence, distance and uncertainty. There are the difficult times of waiting for God to appear. In times like this we may find ourselves both longing for God and fearing that God will come.

The longing comes because in our heart of hearts we know that there is no life without God's gracious presence. If God does not appear, we are stuck, bound, hopelessly entangled in dysfunction. If God does appear, it will be like the sun rising - we will be able to see the way. It will be like gentle rains which nurture us so that we can grow and thrive.

The fear comes because often we do not see God as one who comes as 'sun' and 'rain' to give life. We are afraid that when God does appear, it will be to punish us, to demand restitution from us, to shame us. Because we have served vengeful and vindictive gods, we fear that it will be the god-of-impossible-expectations who will finally appear.

We do well to follow the urging of this text to 'acknowledge God'. We need daily to examine whom we serve. When we acknowledge the god-of -impossible-expectations, then we will surely fear his appearing. But if we acknowledge the God of the Bible whose coming is to nurture and give life, then we will await God's coming like the dawn of a new day.

I acknowledge you, Lord.
You are not the god of impossible-expectations.
You are not the god-who-is-eager-to-punish.
I know what it is like when these other gods come.
They bring shame, blame and fear.
I do not acknowledge them, Lord.
I acknowledge you.

Come as the dawn of a new day, Lord.
Bring light into my dark days.
Come as gentle rain, Lord,
Cleanse, renew and nurture.
Come, Lord, as the dawn.
Come as the rains.
Water the parched earth of my soul.
Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan
National Association for Christian Recovery

Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord. Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool. 

There are three common but unhelpful ways of dealing with our failures and sins. 

First, there is denial. We tell ourselves that everybody has problems, so it doesn't really matter. Nothing of any value comes from this effort to cover-up. 

A second unhelpful strategy is to blame others for what has happened. This can range from different versions of 'the-devil-made-me-do-it' to 'I'm just a product of my environment'. Nothing of any value comes from this effort to cover-up. 


Thirdly, instead of turning the emotional energy outwards in blame we can turn it against ourselves as self-loathing. We see ourselves as monsters and what we have done as unforgivable. Nothing of value comes from this effort to atone for our own sins.

God invites us to another path. God invites us to be transformed. God invites us to stop denying, blaming and catastrophizing about our lives. In order to change and grow we need to face the reality of our actions and attitudes. 

We need to understand that our sins are like scarlet, like crimson. 

They are life-draining. Destructive. 

But we are forgivable. We are invited to receive forgiveness. 

And we are invited to change. 

The life-draining behaviors that we have pursued can be changed. Changed from bright red to snow white. We do not have to let denial, blame and shame lock us into destructive, hurtful patterns. We can be clean and sober. 

White as snow. 

Forgiven.

Lord, free me from denial.
The pretense is choking me to death.
Lord, free me from blame.
It's not working for me anymore.
Lord, free me from self-loathing
The shame is killing me.
Help me to face the truth.
Help me to accept your offer of forgiveness and change.
Make me white as snow.
Make me as clean and pure as new wool.
Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan
National Association for Christian Recovery

Have you ever encountered someone who exerted an "us vs. them" mentality? You know the type. He treats you like a commoner, while he assumes that he is a much better, higher class of person. He pities your sad state of affairs, thinking that he will always be "better" than you. Oh, such people may never come out and admit such; but the attitude is present just the same.

This mentality is demonstrated in a variety of ways. The rich view the poor with half-hearted yet disdainful pity. A self-righteous person thinks of him- or herself as better than someone known for a particular sin. The person of a majority race views another person of a different, minority nationality as a lesser form of being. Someone who thinks he's accomplished a great deal during his lifetime may look upon others who do not "measure up" to his standards as less worthy of respect.    

These sinful, deceptive, superior attitudes have been plaguing the human condition for thousands of years. Even in the New Testament, when Christianity was blossoming, Christians had to be reminded to abandon an "us vs. them" disposition.

The apostle Peter, for example, being a Jewish man who, in the old Jewish order, would not have eaten with non-Jews, began, under the new Christian order, to eat with Gentiles. But when some "prominent" Jewish men came to his village, "he drew back and kept himself separate [from the Gentiles] for fear [of the Jews]" (Gal. 2:12). His actions led other believers in Christ to the same attitude and practice.

The apostle Paul called this "us vs. them" attitude hypocrisy (Gal. 2:13). Why? I can think of at least two biblical reasons: 1) all people are sinners on the same sinful playing field and thus all need a Savior; and 2) the gospel is for allpeople, not for the socially elite of any group. 

Paul states, "But when I saw that they were not acting consistently with the truth of the gospel, I said to Cephas [Peter] before them all, 'If you, though a Jew, live like a Gentile and not like a Jew [strictly following Jewish laws in order to be approved by God], how can you compel the Gentiles to live like Jews?'" (Gal. 2:14 NRSV) An "us vs. them" disposition is inconsistent with the truth of the gospel (Gal. 2:14). It denies the base reality of our fallen condition (i.e., the sinful condition of each and every person alive), promotes a deceptive self-righteousness, and is an affront to the holiness of God.

I think this sinful attitude is an affront to the holiness of God because He alone is worthy of absolute dignity. No human being could ever match His worth and excellence (nobility, majesty). When a fallen human being believes himself to be better than another fallen human being, he assumes the eminence of God Himself. 

Scripture informs us, however, that there is none who is truly righteous or good or eminent -- not one (Rom. 3:10). "And he [Jesus Christ] is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent" (Col. 1:18 ESV, emphasis added). We need to have our perspective priorities set aright. Only God is worthy.

Jesus' half-brother writes, "Let the believer who is lowly boast in being raised up, and the rich in being brought low, because the rich will disappear like a flower in the field" (James 1:9-10 NRSV). The so-called "lowly" in the world who trust in Christ have an eternal inheritance that cannot be diminished or taken from them. 

Yet the so-called "rich" in the world who trust in Christ will have no more (and no less) an eternal inheritance as well. Though the rich in this world may have more possessions now, they will have no advantage over the poor in God's kingdom (James 2:5). The "lowly" in Christ have been "raised up" to great spiritual heights (cf. Eph. 1:3), while the rich will "be brought low" -- i.e., die just like everyone else.

James went on to condemn partiality (James 2:1-7), concluding, "You do well if you really fulfill the royal law according to the scripture, 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' But if you show partiality [favor some people, disdaining others], you commit sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors" (James 2:8-9 NRSV). 

We too often neglect Scripture's admonition: "For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of yourself more highly than you ought to think" (Rom. 12:3 NRSV). There is no "us vs. them." There are only fallen human beings among other fallen human beings.  

This is guest post taken from the White Picket Fences blog.  For the original post with comments, click here

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

Growing up in inner city Oklahoma City, I was the only white kid on my block.  We had moved from a moderately suburban environment to one that was definitely urban.  The junior high and high school that I attended were very integrated.  

I made friends with an elderly couple on my block and helped them by mowing their yard, shoveling their snow, changing lightbulbs, etc.  I had grown quite fond of them  and enjoyed hanging out with Mr. Storey as he told me of stories in the past, especially his time in the war.  I thought he was a terribly interesting man.  However, he had a complaining, rough edge to him.  

He had grown cynical, argumentative, grumpy and just plain cantankerous.  He had purchased his house several decades earlier when the block was filled with "proper" people.  He was finding all of his neighbors either dying or moving away to the suburbs.   Now, his block was being inhabited by people that had "questionable" reputations (I'm cleaning up Mr. Storey's language quite a bit.)  

As a Christian teenager, quite young, naive and inexperienced in helping people to understand God better, I had grown tired of his statements about "those people."  I had several friends on that block and in school that were of "those people" and Mr. Storey let me know that he didn't approve of me allowing "them" into my home.  

The last time I visited Mr. Storey (I didn't know it was my last time), I knocked on the door and he yelled for me to come in.  He was watching the TV Mini-series, ROOTS.  He looked at me and said, "you know this TV show is pure fiction, all lies. Those F****** N****** are nothing but b*******!"  I didn't know what to say.  This is the most hateful I had ever heard him talk.  He continued to denigrate "those people" and a statement just popped out of my mouth.  I don't know where it came from, but I said, "how would you feel if you were born black?"  

For an old man, he sure moved quickly.  He picked me up, ushered me to his front door, pushed me off the front porch while kicking me in the butt and I landed flat on the sidewalk that led to his house.  He then yelled, "don't you ever come back here, you n***** lover!"  I walked home, dejected, just a couple doors down, and told me mom what happened.  I said, "what do I do?  Mr. Storey is my friend?!"  She proceeded to say, "he told you not to come back.  Don't ever go back there unless he apologizes to you."  

I wish I could say that there was a happy ending to this story.  Mr. Storey didn't leave that neighborhood until after I left for college.  Every day, walking to the bus stop or walking to church, I walked right past his house.  I never saw him on his front porch again, so I didn't even get a chance to wave at him.  I never heard from him again, I never was back to his house.  

I still grieve over my broken friendship with Mr. Storey even though that was 35+ years ago.  I still feel his boot on my butt.  

I grieve more over the injustice that humanity perpetuates upon humanity.  

It's pretty simple.  
  
God's Word is quite clear on this issue. 

Racism is sin.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.