“See? Told ya. Only one way to kill a werewolf.”  – Rudy from The Monster Squad

I was five when I saw my first PG-13 movie.  For some reason the older kid in the neighborhood out of his own good graces invited my juvenile self and a buddy over to watch The Monster Squad.  It’s a super dated teen monster movie from the 80’s.  A surprising fact, it never won an Oscar.  I know, I couldn’t believe it either.  Anyway, onto the plot:  A band of buddies find themselves battling a horde of monsters with Dracula as the ringleader in order to save the world…kinda like Goonies but with mummies and vampires.  The genius of the film (if I can use such a phrase) is in the scenes where the kids are determining what weapons are appropriate for which monster.  They spend time arguing about the necessary accoutrements for killing a vampire and so on.  On one occasion, a kid named Rudy proves himself right by successfully taking out the werewolf with a silver bullet and then exclaiming, “See? Told ya. Only one way to kill a werewolf.”  Now, how in the world am I planning a segue from a terrible 80’s B-movie to porn?  Well, for those who didn’t know, this blog is a very belated ‘part 2’ of my previous blog, “All In the Family:  Lust and Her Ugly Cousins”.  In that post I sought to resource you with practical ways to experience freedom from lust’s stronghold.  But practicum does us no good if we don’t know the type of monster we’re dealing with.  You can’t really talk garlic and crucifixes until you’ve decided it’s a vampire and not a werewolf in your living room (trying to stay relevant for all my Twilight readers J).  So I want to talk ‘big picture’ in this blog.  What’s really at the heart of our battle with lust?  Just what sort of monster are we dealing with here?

For a while I thought about sin, and in particular my porn addiction, as a violation of God’s law, the 10 Commandments.  I was committing various crimes against God’s standard and thereby indicted myself before a holy God.  My sin, my monster was primarily an activity-based issue.  Of course, the point of this blog is not to deny that.  The Bible is profoundly clear that our sins are activities of the mind and body against God’s perfect standard, His Law.  But I believe there to be an even more profound lens through which we can understand the monster of sin and in this case, lust:  Sin is not just a violation of Law, it is a violation of appetite.

The Old Testament is one giant train wreck of sin.  We get two good chapters and then the earth goes to pot.  I don’t just mean Adam and Eve.  I don’t just mean those pagan nations that all end in the suffix –ite, either.  I mean the nation for which God selected for Himself, Israel.  It took about 34 seconds after God led them out of slavery in Egypt for them to start grumbling against Moses and God because they were hungry.  Then you arrive at the 10 Commandments scene.  Moses comes down from the mountain, having been with God for 40 days receiving His Law to find the nation having a giant orgy and worshipping a bunch of earrings they melted down to look like a cow.  Fast forward to the years of the Kings.  These kings are charged with leading the people of God into obedience of God’s statutes.  They were to be models to the people of grace and servant-hood.  Instead, they were some of the biggest criminals of all:  erecting statues to false gods, practicing unspeakable sexual immorality, some kings even sacrificed their own children to idols by burning them alive.  Greed, murder, deception, idolatry, adultery, theft and pride riddled this people.  And then, we arrive at the Prophets, where God spells out His indictment against this vile nation.  Jeremiah, the weeping Prophet, doesn’t get two chapters into his book before he lays before the people what God believes to be their crimes.  I was shocked by what I read.  I expected a laundry list and what I got instead was two charges.

“My people have committed two evils:
they have forsaken me,
the fountain of living waters,
and hewed out cisterns for themselves,
broken cisterns that can hold no water.”  (Jeremiah 2:13)

Wow.  All the things God could have said, and He chose instead to boil their crimes down to two things:  They forsook God, the fountain of Living water.  And They tried to drink from wells that could not satisfy them.

Maybe we’ve struggled so long under lust without experiencing real freedom because we didn’t understand what type of monster it was.  We thought we could beat it with silver bullets but we didn’t realize we were battling Dracula, not the Wolfman.  We’ve attacked lust by trying to choke it out with willpower, self-denial and the like, but we haven’t considered that maybe the solution is found in quenching our thirst in Jesus, the fountain of living water.  Our monster is one of appetite, and to beat it we must satisfy our appetites in the person of Christ.  This is the solution.  This is the only solution.  Our wooden stake in the heart of sin.

Jesus once said to a crowd of people “I am the bread of life;  He who comes to me will never hunger, and he who believes in Me will never thirst.” (John 6:35)  I’m gonna go out on a limb and say Jesus is telling the truth.  He really can satisfy us in such a profound way that our hunger for sin will wilt away.  There is a way to not hunger and thirst for lustful images by feasting on the Satisfier, Jesus.  Take Him at His word.  Sit with Him daily.  Read the Scriptures and allow Him to leap off the pages at you.  Speak to Him.  Listen to Him.  Invite Him to fill your soul with water that quenches and bread that fills.  Maybe for the first time in your life, you won’t need to fear your monster anymore.

This is a reprint from a blog post written by Christian song writer and performer, Jimmy Needham.  For the original post go to:  http://www.jimmyneedham.com/2012/07/what-monster-movies-and-porn-have-in-common/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

Sadly, many men would take the last one. But porn warps a man’s character, with devastating results:

He cares only about himself.  He is full of pride. Many of his problems stem from this root issue.

Masturbating to porn trains a man to climax quickly. If/when sex with his wife occurs, he’s a short story… if that. 

His perception of sex and reality are totally warped. He would rather masturbate to a picture of naked women who cannot comfort him, wants nothing to do with him, and who probably hated being in a porn movie/picture shoot, than enjoy an exhilarating, satisfying ride to the top with his God-given spouse.

As time progresses and he indulges in porn more often, having sex with his wife becomes emotionally strained. It’s hard to be intimate with your wife when you know you’re committing porn-adultery against her.  Shame is an intimacy killer.

Compare all of this to marital sex:

Whereas porn is a one-dimensional, shallow act of selfishness, marital sex is a multi-faceted diamond that involves physical and emotional intimacy, the fun of discovering what pleases each other, and the joy of reaching the peak together.  Sex with the spouse is far more enjoyable than anything porn offers.

Marital sex spouse has a bonding effect. I always feel that my wife and I have strengthened our union afterwards.

The communication that takes place during sex enhances the bonding process. Expressions of love and other intimate conversation take a husband and wife to places porn can’t come close to. I can’t imagine a guy talking to himself and telling himself he loves himself while he’s masturbating to porn.

Marital sex is a gauge of how the relationship is doing. I have to treat my wife with kindness, care and respect for sex to happen (and vise-versa).  If she’s turning me down and there isn’t a physical reason, it forces me to re-examine how I’m doing with carrying out one of God’s greatest commands to me as a husband – to love my wife as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5).

Sex with my wife gets me focused on her.  The opposite of what porn and pride do. 

The afterglow of marital sex is warm and loving, whereas with porn there’s only emptiness, shame and remorse. 

Marital sex is satisfying. 

Porn? Never! 

Maybe you want to change but are stuck. Here are some guide posts that will help you in the journey to healing: 

Stop using all porn, no matter what it takes.  Support groups, accountability software, counseling, books, whatever. There will be no progress made until you’ve taken this step.

Set the idea of sex aside, and focus  on the relationship with your wife. Take her on a date to a place she likes. Have fun together again.  Rediscover the woman you married.

Show her you care. Listen to her fears, needs and concerns. Ask her how her day went. Ask questions and encourage her to talk about her feelings. Don’t try to fix her when she shares, especially if it’s about her weaknesses or failures.

Stop criticizing her.

Stop comparing her to the porn-images you’ve exposed yourself to. Set firm boundaries in your mind that from this day forward, the only woman you will want to want is your wife. Ask for God’s healing touch in your mind and your heart from the mental adultery you’ve committed.

Do special, out of the ordinary things for her. Get her a card, make her dinner, buy flowers. Surprising her will help spark the friendship again.

Embrace humility. If she points out a way you’re hurting her or not taking care of her and she’s right, bite your tongue, swallow your pride, and ask God to help you change. Confess to her that she’s right.

Help out around the house. She’s not your maid, but your best friend.

Pray together, every day. I can’t overemphasize this one. I’ve heard a statistic that couples who pray together daily divorce one in one thousand, while those who don’t divorce one in two. Praying together is a fantastic way to draw close to your wife, and it brings the Lord into your marriage, which is what you need for healing.

When sex does happen: 
-Don’t make it a rush to the finish line.  Take your time and get into foreplay. 
-Remember that sex is an act you’re enjoying with your best friend, not something you’re doing to “get off.”
-Open up the lines of communication. Talk to her about what you like and ask her about what she likes. Tell her you love her. 
-If you suffer with premature ejaculation, read up on techniques for prolonging sex and/or see a doctor if you need to. Tell your wife you may need a little time to re-adjust physically and emotionally.

Be patient. If you’ve spent years acting out with porn and your marriage is in a bad place, don’t expect your wife to warm up to you overnight. Keep working at it, and be determined to persevere until you’ve had a breakthrough. 

This post was written by Mike Genung.  For the original post, go to:  http://www.xxxchurch.com/men/sex-with-wife-or-3-hours-of-porn.html

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and you say, 'Here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and "sinners."'

One of the accusations made by the religious leaders of Jesus' day was that He partied with undesirables. It was unacceptable in their minds to associate in any way with undesirables. That would make you 'unclean'. But it was particularly unacceptable to party with undesirables. Then, as now, religion was thought to be very serious business, much too serious for the kind of celebrations that Jesus enjoyed. Religion was supposed to be about intellectual abstractions and theological detail - not about going to dinner parties with unsavory characters.

In His teachings Jesus draws extensively on the Old Testament themes of the Sabbath, the Jubilee and the messianic feast to make a point. Jesus told many stories about God's love for celebration. When the lost is found, the finder throws a feast. When the prodigal returns, the father has a party. When a single person repents, the angels rejoice. And on and on. Jesus, the man of sorrows, was also a man of celebration and joy.

Like the religious leaders of Jesus' day, we may sometimes find ourselves resistant to joy. We may resist joy because we fear disappointment. Or we may resist joy because it doesn't seen congruent with being a serious minded person of faith. We may resist joy because we have been shamed or even punished for being overly enthusiastic as a child.

It is a risk to make room for joy in our lives. Joy requires that we be open to the possibility of experiencing conflicting emotions. If we wait to experience joy until our anger, grief and self-condemnation are completely gone, then we will wait a long time. But it is possible to experience joy without denying or avoiding other more painful emotions. We can follow Jesus' example of joy today. When joy comes, we can receive it. It is a good gift from God.

Lord of joy,
Lord of celebration,
Open my heart to the possibility of joy today.
Help me to tolerate the confusion that comes when sorrow and joy
live side by side in my heart.
Give me the courage to 
joyfully celebrate life.
Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan
National Association for Christian Recovery

A Christian friend of mine recently confessed on her Facebook page that she wouldn't be caught dead at Wal-Mart and then went on to make fun of the people that shopped there.  

That was bad.  

What was "badder" was that several people commented, making further disparaging comments about the people that shop at Wal-Mart.  


Their comments really hit me wrong.  

I think I know why.  I can see myself making the same comments.  Okay, maybe not the same comments, but I certainly think them.  

I have Christian friends who talk about the "ghetto Target" or the "poor people's Krogers" and they talk about how they would "never" go to "those kinds of places."  "Those are dirty places filled with dirty, rude people."

Then I think about the times that I prayed at the "fancy restaurant" and then was rude to the waitstaff.  

I have Christian friends who would "never ride the bus" because all of the homeless, poor people who ride the bus.   I hear, "I'm scared of those people.  I can't stand to be around them.  I can smell them before they even get close."

Then I think of times that I have ignored people I don't know and avoid people who are different from me. 

As I write this post, I'm having a hard time defining who I am writing this to. 

I want to say something to my Christian friends about their behavior.  
I want to tell them that Jesus would never act like that.  

But I can't say those things.  
I have no right.  
I'm just as guilty, IF NOT MORE.

LORD, forgive me.
Help me to be more like Jesus.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

As I said in my previous post, Chatsworth, California produces 85% of the world’s adult content. All of the top female talent agencies are located in or within the Chatsworth local radius. Female performers are flown to Chatsworth to work in the adult industry. All of the world’s top male talents live or travel to Chatsworth for work. Every major and minor adult DVD Company is located in the local Chatsworth radius.

The California pornography industry is a destructive, drug infested, abusive and sexually diseased industry which causes severe negative secondary effects on female and male adult industry workers as well as the general public.

Another secondary negative effect of the adult industry includes exposure to drugs and drug addiction. Porn actress Erin Moore admits, “the drugs we binged on were Ecstasy, Cocaine, Marijuana, Xanax, Valium, Vicodin and alcohol.” Tanya Burleson, formerly known as Jersey Jaxin, says, “Guys are punching you in the face. You get ripped. Your insides can come out of you. It’s never ending. You’re viewed as an object—not as a human with a spirit. People do drugs because they can’t deal with the way they’re being treated.”

One male porn star says on his blog on January 28, 2008:

“Drugs are a major, major problem in my business. Anyone who says otherwise is lying to you. I can’t tell you the number of girls who have disappeared and dropped out of the business because of their drug problems. It is unbelievably sad to think about, and seeing some of them fall into a downward spiral hurts me more than others. But I think we all can agree that a huge majority of drug users will never change unless they get professional help. I have seen all manner of drugs on set, at parties, in cars, everywhere. If I had to guess, I would put marijuana use at 90 percent of ALL people involved in the industry (performers, directors, crew, agents, drivers, owners, office workers, etc.). I have been on a set where a girl has passed out during a sex scene with me (she was abusing oxycontin). Just recently a girl overdosed on GHB (a party drug that is a clear odorless drug that doesn’t mix well with alcohol) on set. I have seen a girl win a prestigious AVN Award, not show up to accept the award, and then fall into the throes of drug use that caused her to lose at least 50 pounds and drop off the face of the earth. Why is drug use so prevalent in our business? Well, let’s figure that out. First of all, remember that the business is populated largely with girls aged 18-21. And the majority of those girls are uneducated (many haven’t graduated high school). Add to that the fact that many come into the business because they have no money and are working at menial jobs like fast food places. So you have young girls who are uneducated with very little money entering the business.

Once they are in the business, they are now making ten thousand dollars a month and working maybe 5 hours a day 10-15 days a month. There are predators out there that can smell these girls and prey on them like sharks. Young, uneducated girls with lots of money, lots of free time, and very little supervision. This is a really bad equation (unless you are a drug dealer of course).”

In addition to prevalent drug use, degradation and abuse is rampant in the pornography industry. In one study 100% of the strippers reported some kind of physical or verbal abuse on their jobs. Verbal abuse by customers is extremely common with 91% reporting incidents. They were routinely called degrading names. Besides the verbal abuse, all endured some type of physical abuse on the job. Despite the fact that it is illegal to touch a stripper, strippers reported that customers grabbed them by the arm (88%), grabbed their breast (73%), or their buttock (91%). Customers at strip clubs often assault the women. Customers pulled their hair (27%), pinched them (58%), slapped them (24%), or bit them (36%). They are often attacked in the strip club in front of bodyguards and other audience members.

Former pornographic performer Alex Devine shares her violent experience and writes:

“Donkey Punch was the most brutal, depressing, scary scene that I have ever done. I have tried to block it out of my memory due to the severe abuse I received during the filming. The guy, Steve French, has a natural hatred towards women in the sense that he has always been known to be more brutal than EVER needed. I agreed to do the scene thinking it was less beating, except the ‘punch’ in the head. If you noticed, Steve had worn his solid gold ring the entire time, and continued to punch me with it. I actually stopped the scene while it was being filmed because I was in too much pain.”

There is a very heavy emphasis on rougher, more sadistic sex, with slapping, spitting, violent hair-pulling and scenes of extremely abusive hardcore sex acts. In one film, the man forces the woman’s head into a toilet during the final scene, a technique that seems to help him achieve climax.

 In California, every employer is required to ensure that employees have a safe working environment. In 1973, the California Occupational Safety and Health Act was enacted to assure safe and healthful working conditions for all California working men and women by authorizing the enforcement of effective standards, assisting and encouraging employers to maintain safe and healthful working conditions, and by providing research, information, education, training, and enforcement in the field of occupational safety and health.

Employers in the California pornography industry are required to provide a safe and healthful workplace for employees, even pay the costs of a health and safety program, and yet this is not the standard in the adult industry. The accurate standard at present in the California pornography industry is that employers are completely ignoring the laws of the State of California to protect adult industry workers and are causing severe secondary negative effects on workers by subjecting them to physical and emotional abuse, major degradation and violence, illegal drugs, sexually transmitted diseases and entrapment into prostitution. This is the standard of the California pornography industry; any adult industry employer or worker who tells you differently is blatantly lying and does not value human life, but is rather destroying human life for the gluttonous love of money.

For the original post, go to:  http://www.covenanteyes.com/2008/10/28/ex-porn-star-tells-the-truth-about-the-porn-industry/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

The following is a post by Shelley Lubben. Shelley, a former porn actress, is the founder and president of The Pink Cross Foundation. Through the Pink Cross, Shelley is a missionary to the sex industry, reaching out to adult industry workers offering emotional, financial and transitional support for those who want out of porn. She also helps those struggling with pornography and victims of pornography. Her heart is to share the truth about porn and expose the darkness of it.

Chatsworth, California produces 85% of the world’s adult content. All of the top female talent agencies are located in or within the Chatsworth local radius. Female performers are flown or fly to Chatsworth to work in the adult industry. All of the world’s top male talents live or travel to Chatsworth California for work. Every major and minor adult DVD Company is in the local Chatsworth radius.

The California pornography industry is a destructive, drug infested, abusive and sexually diseased industry which causes severe negative secondary effects on female and male adult industry workers as well as the general public. I am confident of the above because not only was I a stripper, pornographic performer and escort in the California pornography industry from 1986 to 1994, but I have also counseled with or spoken to over 300 female and male workers in the pornography industry as well as those struggling with pornography addiction.

I have been working with adult industry workers since 2002, when I began volunteering as a teacher and counselor at local rescue missions and prisons in the State of California. I have worked at Madera Rescue Mission, Bakersfield Rescue Mission, Central California Women’s Facility Prison, and Valley State Prison for Women and have traveled throughout the United States as a speaker and counselor on the negative effects of pornography at various churches, recovery programs and secular organizations. My team and I currently work with hundreds of people struggling with pornography addiction in the Pink Cross Foundation Help Forums.

In my daily work of assisting women and men recovering from the pornography industry as well as those struggling with pornography addiction and gathering research over a period of several years, I have learned significant facts to prove that indeed the California pornography industry is causing severe secondary negative effects on adult industry workers as well as the general public, which is involuntarily exposed to pornography, especially children, whose average age of first Internet exposure to pornography is eleven years old.

• It is estimated that there are 4.2 million porn Web sites—12% of the total amount of sites—allowing access to 72 million worldwide visitors monthly.
• One-quarter of the total daily search engine requests, or 68 million, are for pornographic material, where 40 million Americans are regular visitors.
• According to comScore Media Metrix, 71.9 million people visited adult sites in August 2005, reaching 42.7 percent of the Internet audience.
• The United States adult film industry produces 4,000–11,000 films a year and earns an estimated $9–$13 billion in gross revenues annually.
• An estimated 200 production companies employ 1,200–1,500 performers. Performers typically earn $400–$1,000 per shoot and are not compensated based on distribution or sales.
• Lobbyist Bill Lyon told 60 Minutes that the porn industry employs 12,000 people in California and pays the state $36 million in taxes per year. When 60 Minutes first spoke to Lyon, he was running the free speech coalition, a trade organization that represents 900 companies in the porn business.

.
Adult film performers engage in prolonged and repeated sexual acts with multiple sexual partners over short periods of time, creating ideal conditions for transmission of HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). All the more concerning, high-risk sex acts are on the rise. At the same time, condom use is reportedly low in heterosexual adult films—approximately 17% for adult performers. In 2004, only two of the 200 adult film companies required the use of condoms. Performers report that they are required to work without condoms to maintain employment.

These practices lead to high transmission rates of STDs and occasionally HIV among performers. After four performers contracted HIV in 1998, Sharon Mitchell, a former adult film performer, founded Adult Industry Medical, a clinic to counsel and screen performers monthly for HIV.

The current practice of periodic HIV and STD testing may detect some disease early, but often fails to prevent transmission. The most recent HIV outbreak occurred when three performers who had been compliant with monthly screening contracted HIV in April of 2004. At that time, a male performer who had tested HIV negative only three days earlier infected three of 14 female performers.

In statements I have received from females and males working in the pornography industry and those who previously worked in the industry, at least 80% admit to catching an STD while working in the California pornography industry. I personally caught the non-curable disease Genital Herpes in 1994 and was not given any information or help from porn producers or the adult industry. Recently, Jan Meza, a former porn actress who left the pornography industry in October 2007, publicly shared of late that she discovered she has Herpes. She is totally devastated in that she caught a non-curable disease. Belladonna, a well known pornographic performer states: “99% of the porn industry has Herpes.” One male pornographic performer, Rocco, 600 films and 3,000 women later says: “Every professional in the porn-world has herpes, male or female.” Tanya Burleson, formerly known as Jersey Jaxin, caught Chlamydia her first year working. She exclaimed, while speaking with me, “I don’t believe I worked with one person who didn’t at one time have an STD.” Tanya made over 200 movies in her three year career. She also says, “Performers have to pay for their own testing, their medicine and lose at least eight days of work every time they catch a sexually transmitted disease.”

Sexually transmitted diseases are highly prevalent in the pornography industry. Among 825 porn performers screened in 2000–2001, 7.7% of females and 5.5% of males had Chlamydia and 2% overall had gonorrhea. Dr. Sharon Mitchell confirms the STD prevalence in an interview with Court TV, in which she states: “66% of porn performers have Herpes, 12-28% have sexually transmitted diseases and 7% have HIV.”

.Escort ServicesPornographic performers and adult industry workers also engage in prostitution through escort agencies such as Body Miracle, Dreamgirls, and Porno Star Escorts, where they not only risk sexually transmitted disease but also HIV and hepatitis C infection.

Pornographic performers usually prefer escorting because the pay is much higher and sex acts are not as degrading or physically demanding. They receive approximately $100 an hour for working in pornographic films or $1500 an hour for escorting. Adult industry workers who are also pornographic performers get paid higher than other adult escorts due to their celebrity status and can book 2-3 hour appointments and make approximately $3000 a day. Agents also lie to women in the adult industry and lure them into prostitution. Porn Star Erin Moore says, “some agents lie to the girls and tell them they are shooting a scene when instead they set up prostitution acts for them.”

While I was a pornographic performer in 1993-94 I was flown to different parts of the United States by porn companies where consumers of pornography sometimes paid me thousands of dollars to spend a weekend with them where we engaged in unprotected sex. During one appointment with a man and his wife, we engaged in unprotected sex and I passed the disease to both of them. Pornographic performers and adult industry workers definitely spread sexually transmitted diseases to the general public.

(We will continue with part two of Ms. Lubben's post tomorrow)

God can never be put into a box.  When you think that a story is over or God has done all He can do in a situation, He reminds you that He has plans for us that we could never think, dream or even imagine.

If you remember from the previous two posts, there was a pastor and cattleman.  The pastor lived a godly life.  The cattleman lived life like Esau:  desiring to be the best, be the manliest, having the most and grabbing all you can from life because "you only go around once."  He lived a life of sensuality.  The cattleman wasn't a bad man, he just slightly missed the mark. 

God was working in the cattleman's sons' lives.  One of the cattleman's sons finally came to himself.  He had experienced heartache and sadness from his father, his siblings, his wives and his children.  All of these heart wrenching experiences finally brought him to the point where he realized that the way he experiences life leads to moral, financial and spiritual bankruptcy.  

This man became what God desired of him.  He found comfort in being with the family of the pastor, visiting them frequently and enjoyed having them to his home.  There was a real change in his heart.  There was a tenderness that he had never experienced before as he let God have more and more of his past, present and future.  

Life continued to be difficult for the one cattleman's son.  He still had the pain of his upbringing to deal with.  Some of his behavior had become so automatic that he still found himself grabbing for two pieces of bread and challenging the pastor's sons in manliness, but now, he was listening when the Holy Spirit reminded him that he was a new man.  

He still had to face his siblings and he worked hard to break down the Esau spirit in their relationships.  His own children, who experienced the pain of his lifestyle, finally were able to see that their father had truly changed.    He was now working tirelessly to make up for lost time and become more of what God desired for him all along.  

The cattleman's son's life is not over.  His life is not what it should have been but it is becoming what it could have been.  He learned an exciting principle in which he is applying to his life:  it is never too late to do the right thing.  

So, as we conclude this three-part story of living like Esau, I ask you for two things:

1)  Will you take a moment and pray for this cattleman's son?  Ask God to continue to mold this man into being the man of God that he can be.

2)  Consider your own life.  Do you live like Esau?  Are you looking out for yourself and looking for the best, seeking sensuality and the immediate gratification of your desires?  

If so, it is never too late to do the right thing.  

Ask God to change you.  

Become the man that God knows you can be.  

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

(Continued from yesterday)

As the sons of these two men grew up, they each went their respective ways, moving to various parts of the country.  The difference was, the pastor's sons wanted to return to see their father.  The sons, all leaders in their own right in different parts of the country, enjoyed their father's advice, steadiness, humble strength and faith in God.  

The cattleman's sons did not want to see their father.  

In fact, they did their best to avoid him.  

Unfortunately, when they would visit their father, it wasn't uncommon for the cattleman and his sons to physically as well as verbally fight each other.  They would argue over cattle, land, money, food.  The cattleman's sons also had trouble in staying married to their first wives.  They and their children experienced the pain of separation, divorce, remarriage, anger, suspicion and the like.

So, now, we are getting to the end of our story.  What happened to these two men?  These men chose different paths for themselves and their family experienced the consequences of these men's choices.  

The cattleman died.  He didn't experience a long illness.  Just one day, he was no longer part of this earth.  The world woke up one morning and he did not.  The land and the cattle that he once owned were divided and sold.  His sons avoided each other.   The sensuality that the cattleman pursued, led to disjointed, isolated, marginally spiritual offspring.  His children rarely got together.  When they did, peace did not rule their relationships.

The pastor lived a long life.  He outlived the cattleman by a good 20 years.  His children stayed faithful to their spouses.  Interestingly, the years after the cattleman died became very rich for the pastor.  God's blessings increased exponentially.  God increased his faithfulness with abundance.  The pastor enjoyed his children, his grandchildren and quite a few great-grandchildren.  The pastor had made several, quiet, steady investments over the years and he found that he was experiencing the most financial success he had ever had.  He needed nothing.  God gave him all he needed and more.  

More importantly, the pastor enjoyed the spiritual success of his progeny.  Several of them followed in his footsteps and went into full-time ministry.  The other children became integral parts of their respective churches, supporting God's work both inside and outside the church.  All became leaders in their community/profession.  The pastor was able to see his heritage for several generations.  God blessed him with the opportunity to see that his steadiness, and his pursuit of "God first" paid off with eternal rewards.  

You see not only did this pastor and his progeny do well, but many of the people who were affected by his ministry over the years were blessed by this pastor's steadiness and quiet confidence in God's ability to care for his children.

However, just when it seems like a story is over, God does something amazing.  Just when you think you have God all figured out, He moves.  Tomorrow we will  discuss Esau Redeemed.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

Once there were two friends.  One man wanted to be a pastor.  The other wanted to be a cattleman.  These men both had a desire to please God.  As they aged, studied their respective interests/calling, married and had children, God blessed them.  However, as God is 
wont to do, He did not bless them equally, or so it seemed.  

The cattleman felt sorry for the "poor pastor" who was raising his family on a very meager salary.  The cattleman quickly became wealthy.  He acquired land, cattle, fortune, and family.  In joking with the preacher, the cattleman said, "you know, I'm gonna end up taking care of you and your children.  With my wealth, you will be cared for."  

Nevertheless, the preacher stayed the course, doing what he believed God wanted him to do.  After the preacher married, the doctor gave him bad news,  "I don't believe you'll ever be able to have children."  However, as God is wont to do, God doesn't have to listen to doctors.  So, it wasn't very long afterwards, they had their first child.  And then another.  And another...  It was tough, living on a pastor's salary with so many children.  There were times that they couldn't afford coats for these children to wear in the harsh winters of that region.  Yet, God did bless.   Miracles occurred in the pastor's family as they learned to rely upon  God.  The pastor's family learned that God does, indeed, take care of His children.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, the cattleman lived well.  However, there were a few noticeable, glaring aspects to the cattleman's character.  The wealthier he became, the less he needed God.  He could easily provide for his family. 

Also, the cattleman lived a life of sensuality.  Much like Esau, he became a rather coarse fellow, using brash language, not delaying his gratification.  He gave himself whatever his heart desired.  This lifestyle led to tension within his own family.  His children saw that even though the cattleman was a Christian man, what he said often did not match up with what he did.  His children strayed from God's best for their lives.  However, they did not stray too far.  They frequently went to church, they proclaimed Jesus as their Savior but they always had Esau's seed in them.  They, too, could be brash, insensitive, living in their own sensuality.   Like their father, they were not bad people.  Just edgy.  Slightly missing the mark for what God desired for them.

When these two families got together on special occasions, the cattleman's sons challenged the pastor's son to games of strength and daring, often berating their manhood.  "Come on, be brave!  Don't be such a wimp!" were words the pastor's children often heard when challenged to do things that were marginally safe, sensual, just a bit edgy. 

The pastor's sons noticed, also, that the cattleman's sons would grab the biggest or choicest pieces of food from the table, when offered one piece of bread, they would take two, drink the most iced tea, all without giving thought to others.  The cattleman's sons weren't bad men, they just lived more sensually than the pastor' sons.   However, they were missing the mark of God's standards for holiness.

(Tomorrow, we will discuss part two of this story)

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

We need to experience loving relationships in order to heal and grow. In loving relationships we experience the safety that allows us to face the truth. In loving relationships we experience the support we need to begin to change. And in loving relationships we learn that we are lovable and valuable.

Because we have been wounded in relationships, our instinct is often to run from relationships. We don't want to be hurt again. This leaves an enormous void in our souls. And it is this void which we desperately try to fill with addictions and compulsions of various kinds. This text focuses on two manifestations of religious addiction (compulsive altruism and religiously motivated self-abuse) and sums up the result: I gain nothing. The same could be said of all of our addictions. "I deliver my body to be burned" and "I gain nothing" are an accurate description not only of a particular kind of religious addiction but also of chemial addiction, work addiction, sexual addiction and relationship addiction, as well as many self-abusive compulsions.

We gain nothing for all the time and effort we spend on trying to numb the pain. It does not achieve the desired result. 


The void remains.

Although loving fellowship may be frightening for us, it is the path to recovery. The vulnerabilities of intimacy may remind us of earlier times of terror in life, but there is no way to recover in isolation. The net result of compulsions and addictions is "I gain nothing." But the net result of recovery is very different. There is something to be gained by all the hard work that recovery requires. Recovery builds in us a capacity to receive love and a capacity to give love to others. 

And that is a real gain.

May God grant you the courage you need today to pursue loving fellowship.

Lord, you see my guarded heart. 
You see the fears that make me run from love.
What I fear is what I want most.
I want to love and to be loved.
Give me courage to open my heart to love today.
Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan
National Association for Christian Recovery