Category: Depression

Sunday Meditation

07/27/2014

He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Isaiah 53:3

Many people have the impression that good Christians are happy, joyful, victorious people. In this fantasy, good Christians are people whose problems seem to vanish when they trust God

and pray about it. Unaffected by the pain of life, these relentlessly cheerful people read the Bible, sing praise songs and feel no pain.

Yet Christians are at heart the followers of a man who was named 'man of sorrows.' Jesus was not relentlessly cheerful. He did not practice a mood altering, pain-numbing religion. He grieved. He wept. He was familiar with suffering. Our God is a God who knows suffering. God grieves.

In those times when we shame ourselves for our sorrow, it can be an enormous encouragement to remember that God is personally familiar with grief. If God grieves, we can expect to do the same.

God, you surprise me again!
When I grieve, I think that if I could just cheer up,
you would be pleased.
But, you grieve also.
Man of Sorrows you are acquainted with sorrow.
Thank you for understanding.
Thank you for grieving.
Help me to experience your presence in my time of grief.

Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan
National Association for Christian Recovery

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Sunday Meditation

06/22/2014

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If I go to the heavens, you are there; If I make my bed in the depths, you are there. Psalm 139:8

Sometimes life is hell. That's how it feels. It feels like we have taken up residence in hell. Sometimes the darkness overwhelms us. Sometimes we hurt so much that we can't imagine experiencing joy or peace ever again. Sometimes we seem to have 'made our bed ' in a place that God has deserted, a place from which God has turned away.

But the psalmist says 'even if I make my bed in the depths, you are there'. There are no genuinely God-forsaken places on our journey. There are no places unfamiliar to God. It is a difficult and painful journey, but our lines of support are not stretched thin. God is not at a distance. God is with us.

If God is with us, we can travel through those dark times in recovery, those times in hell. If God is with us, we can hold on through the difficult emotional and spiritual roller coaster of recovery.

No matter where I am, Lord
you are with me.
If I am up, today.
You are here.
If I am down.
You are here.
If I am very, very down.
You are still here.
If I am very, very, very, very, very down.
You are here.
Thank you.
Even in the terrible times when I am in the depths, you are there with me.
Your presence is a ray of hope
in the dark times of my recovery.

Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan
National Association for Christian Recovery

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Are you bearing a cross?

01/30/2014

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Chinese Christian author, Watchman Nee in his book Spiritual Authority comments, "Christ did not come to earth to bear the cross; He came to earth to do the will of His Father."

In my counseling experience, I have come across well-meaning Christians who bear crosses. These people have lost their first love: to be fully obedient to God. Instead, they have become stuck in legalism, others' expectations, their own expectations and have forgotten that their first loyalty belongs to God. They think they are serving God but their ministry has become a cross to bear.

One cross-bearing missionary came to me for aid in her mission work. She was pushed by external pressure to constantly perform. She taught 36 Bible Schools that summer, lead 4 ladies Bible studies every week (both tasks were done in Spanish, which was not her primary language), home-schooled her three children as well as keeping a mission operating while the mission budget was being slashed.

Unfortunately, she ended up in the hospital at the point of mental, physical and spiritual exhaustion. Her caring and wise physician saw the cross she was carrying and ordered her to bed rest and counseling while her husband took care of mission business and the children. Through counseling, she came to the realization that in her first year of ministry, that she was attempting to accomplish everything the missionary before her did (that missionary had over 10 years of experience at that mission).

Through intensive medical, psychological and spiritual help, she understood God's call to "natural ministry." She came to see that obedience to God is not necessarily bearing the cross of formal full-time ministry. She allowed God to change the focus of her ministry to being a full-time Christian mother and looked for "natural ways" of telling people about Jesus. It was not long before she gained more acceptance by the people that she served in the mission. This acceptance led to more conversions and a more varied and exciting ministry.

My questions to you are:

- Are you bearing a cross or are you being obedient to God?
- Do you get so caught up in legalism, your and others' expectations that you miss the promptings of the Holy Spirit?

God has people that possibly only you can reach. However, you can only reach them by saying "yes" to God and allowing His Holy Spirit to direct your activity.

Give yourself totally to God. Be 100% sold out to His will.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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Loneliness during Christmas

12/11/2013

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I know that there are people in the world right now who are lonely — incredibly, painfully lonely. I see evidence of it on-line, in public, and in the workplace. Recently I noted a Google search regarding loneliness that was directed to my site. I immediately thought to myself, “I wonder if any post on this blog was able to comfort or encourage that person in any way?” My heart was broken. We pander our favored politician, preacher, or blogger and neglect the hurting and needy. We clamor for rights and justice while ignoring the outcast and homeless.

Daily I pray from the Book of Common Prayer, “Let not the needy, O Lord, be forgotten; nor the hope of the poor be taken away” (98); yet I fear that I myself forget the needy; I myself allow the hope of the poor to be taken away. Jesus’ half-brother James asks me, “If a brother or sister is naked and lacks daily food, and one of you says to them, ‘Go in peace; keep warm and eat your fill,’ and yet you do not supply their bodily needs, what is the good of that?” (James 2:15-16 NRSV) How many “Go in peace; keep warm and eat your fill” messages have I delivered? How many posts on this site carry the same notion without speaking those exact words?

Are you lonely? The Bible has much to say to us lonely people. You and I are not the only ones of God’s creatures who experience loneliness, either. King David pleaded with the Lord, “Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted” (Ps. 25:16 NRSV). A songwriter, a Psalmist, sang this to the Lord, “I lie awake; I am like a lonely bird on the housetop” (Ps. 102:7 NRSV). Jesus, though left alone when others forsook Him, said that He was notreally alone because the Father was with Him (John 16:32). Yet on the cross they heard Him cry, “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matt. 27:46 NRSV) The lonely Son of God felt deserted, all by Himself, as heaven was eerily silent.

What do you do when loneliness seems to shroud and choke you? Sometimes I tend to merely endure it, meaning, I do not do anything to avert the loneliness. Other times I will try to contact a friend or have a conversation with my parents. I have been known to watch a movie or TV — just some sound in the room in order to not feel the emptiness of loneliness. Successful coping with loneliness is in recognizing not only its dangers (link) but what it is by nature. Loneliness is a negative feeling or emotion which may stem from a deficiency in proper relationships. Feelings and emotions can be irrational at times; a person may feel lonely, for instance, yet be surrounded by many people. Quality, not quantity, makes the difference — that is, quality relationships.

For example, some people walk through shopping malls during the Christmas season because they feel lonely. They are surrounded by many people but they are still alone and they still feel lonely. When they leave the mall they leave with the same feeling of loneliness. Loneliness is a feeling, a state of mind, rather than merely the reality of the absence of people. What can we do to combat loneliness? Well, escaping the feeling of loneliness may be different for each individual. We are each unique persons, so there is no one, universal answer that works for all people in general. Some suggestions do come to mind, though:

Being involved in conversation and relationship with others
Serving others in need
Taking a drive or a walk with someone
Prayer, both group and solitary prayer
Bible study, both group and solitary Bible study
Finding a support group
Reading a book
Working on a project (most of us are purpose-driven or inspired)
Playing an instrument / singing
Needlework
Crossword puzzles
Writing

I will admit this, however: loneliness is not always negative — at least, it does not have to be.

Psych Central quotes the late spiritual writer Henri Nouwen:

"When you experience the deep pain of loneliness, it is understandable that your thoughts go out to the person who was able to take that loneliness away, even if only for a moment. When you feel a huge absence that makes everything look useless, your heart wants only one thing — to be with the person who once was able to dispel these frightful emotions. But it is the absence itself, the emptiness within you, that you have to be willing to experience, not the one who could temporarily take it away.

It is not easy to stay with your loneliness. The temptation is to nurse your pain or to escape into fantasies about people who will take it away. But when you can acknowledge your loneliness in a safe, contained place, you make your pain available for healing." (link)

We need solitude at times. We need a quiet place to be alone with ourselves, to be quiet within ourselves, and to think about and be grateful for the Lord’s goodness in our lives. Certainly there is at least one reality for which we can be thankful. But when the feeling of loneliness becomes chronic and debilitating, or a source of deep depression, then it needs to be confronted, analyzed, and seized. Either we will control our loneliness or our loneliness will control us.

The Bible encourages us: “in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God” (Phil. 4:6). We can let the Lord know through prayer that we are lonely. He already knows. He merely encourages us to acknowledge our loneliness to Him, recognizing our dependence upon Him, and He will come to our rescue and be our Comforter. Often He will also use the comfort of a friend or relative. (I encourage you to read the following post by Dale Wayman called Resisting Temptation.)

May we not dismiss even the slightest hint of remedying loneliness. Let us pray for discipline, guidance, and discernment. “Almighty God, by your Holy Spirit you have made us one with your saints in heaven and on earth: Grant that in our earthly pilgrimage we may always be supported by this fellowship of love and prayer, and know ourselves to be surrounded by their witness to your power and mercy. We ask this for the sake of Jesus Christ, in whom all our intercessions are acceptable through the Spirit, and who lives and reigns for ever and ever. Amen.” (Book of Common Prayer, 250)

This post was written by William Birch. for the original post, go to: http://thearminian.wordpress.com/2013/12/04/loneliness-during-christmas/

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Depression during Christmas

12/10/2013

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The Christmas holiday tends to affect some people in very negative ways -- ways which manifest in depression, loneliness, and lack of zest for living. Some people miss the innocence of their childhood; others long for a lost parent(s) or other loved one; still others lean more toward loneliness, when this holiday is meant to draw people closer together. Some in this latter category can feel lonely even with a lot of people around. Whether at family functions, shopping at the mall, or out with family or friends they tend to feel lonely just the same.

Depressing, lonely seasons of our lives are inevitable: they seem to arrive whether or not we are ready, whether or not we welcome them. Even Jesus knew well these human experiences. (Heb. 2:14) The trick is not to allow these feelings to overpower and rule us. We can be touched by them; but we should not be controlled by them. We must protect ourselves from these experiences so that they do not debilitate our daily living. Our response to these issues will determine the outcome.

Henri Nouwen writes:
"One of life's great questions centers not on what happens to us, but rather, how we will live in and through whatever happens. We cannot change most circumstances in our lives. . . . Our choice, then, often revolves around not what has happened or will happen to us, but how we will relate to life's turns and circumstances. Put another way: Will I relate to my life resentfully or gratefully?"

Though difficult, I must make the effort to step back from my situation in order to view it as it really is: merely circumstantial. In other words, life situations are not etched in stone, unchangeable. The mighty Spirit of God maintains the power to change my circumstances.

Again, Nouwen writes, "We are called time and again to discover God's Spirit at work within our lives, within us, amid even the dark moments. We are invited to choose life. A key in understanding suffering has to do with our not rebelling at the inconveniences and pains life presents to us."

Whether I am reading this from a prison, an impoverished village, a lonely college dorm room, a mansion or the White House, the Lord is near and ready to see me through another situation. He loves me greatly, and He longs for me to rest in Him.

My location has nothing to do with me, on a personal level, and neither do my circumstances. As a matter of fact, what seem to be impossible situations are yet another way for God to appear and show Himself victorious. This does not mean that I will not have to endure any longer my present situation. But it does mean that God can change how I view that situation. From His perspective, I can walk through (not to) the valley of the shadow of death and fear no evil because He is with me, His shepherd's rod and staff leading and guiding my path toward Him. (Psalm 23)

Henri J.M. Nouwen, Turn My Mourning Into Dancing: Finding Hope in Hard Times (Nashville: W Publishing Group)

This post was written by William Birch. For the original post, go to: http://classicalarminian.blogspot.com/2013/12/depression-during-christmas.html

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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Facebook bad.

09/11/2013

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Jealousy, envy, isolation, depression—not exactly what most of us aspire to! Yet recent studies suggest this is where Facebook can lead.

The Economist (8/17/13) reports on two studies of Facebook users. The first, by Ethan Kross (University of Michigan) and Philippe Verduyn (University of Belgium), indicates that increased Facebook use correlates with growing personal dissatisfaction.

Earlier studies found correlations between Facebook use and depression, social tension, and jealousy—though it isn’t clear what is cause and what is effect. Maybe jealous people gravitate toward Facebook? Or does Facebook make people jealous?

Kross and Verduyn followed 82 Facebook users for two weeks. These Facebookers, in their late teens and early twenties, reported five times a day on their Facebook use as well as their social interactions outside Facebook (face-to-face or by phone), and their “state of mind.”

The main finding: The more these participants used Facebook, the worse they felt. But the more they had “direct social contact,” the better they felt. “In other words,” The Economist summarizes, “the more [these] volunteers socialised in the real world, the more positive they reported feeling.”

The study found no gender difference, nor did it matter how large the person’s social network was, their stated motivation for using Facebook, or their level of depression, loneliness, or self-esteem. “Dr Kross and Dr Verduyn therefore conclude that, rather than enhancing well-being, Facebook undermines it.”

An earlier study of 584 Facebookers found that Facebook tends to make users envious as they compare themselves with what others post on Facebook (photos, achievements, clever sayings, whatever). “Real-life encounters, by contrast, are more WYSIWYG (what you see is what you get),” notes The Economist.

The report also makes the point that these studies are of young folks. Are things different with older folks? Hmmmm. . . .

In any case, for Christians the findings should be no big surprise. The New Testament puts major emphasis on “one another”—encouraging, confronting, teaching, singing, greeting and so forth—all ways of loving one another. “Encourage one another every day, as long as it is called ‘today,’ so that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin” (Heb. 3:13). To be really effective, this requires face-to-face contact—two-way communication where more than just words are exchanged.

To love someone is more than to “like” someone.

The church is the body of Christ, and while the internet can serve as a supplement, it can never be a replacement for real spiritual “body contact.”

Research on Facebook so far is preliminary, not conclusive. I believe it does however point in the direction of confirming the essential role of Christian community. For many, that means the rediscovery, or perhaps first-time discovery, of what “body of Christ” actually means.

Maybe the greatest lessons about Facebook and other social media are ones Christians should already know: moderation, careful stewardship of time and attention, and the importance of face-to-face social interaction in the spirit of Jesus Christ.

Also a keen sense of priorities as we seek first the kingdom of God.

My advice to myself: Stop. Examine. Reflect. Be intentional.

Obviously Facebook has many positives. It helps us keep in touch with family and other folks we aren’t able to be physically present with. It can be a channel for encouragement, and of course for information sharing. The upside may be greater than the downside. Or maybe not, depending on the person and their circumstances.

This post was written by Dr Howard Snyder. For the original post with comments, go to: http://howardsnyder.seedbed.com/2013/08/26/will-facebook-ruin-you/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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Spiritual dryness

08/17/2013

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Sometimes we experience a terrible dryness in our spiritual life. We feel no desire to pray, don't experience God's presence, get bored with worship services, and even think that everything we ever believed about God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit is little more than a childhood fairy tale.

Then it is important to realise that most of these feelings and thoughts are just feelings and thoughts, and that the Spirit of God dwells beyond our feelings and thoughts. It is a great grace to be able to experience God's presence in our feelings and thoughts, but when we don't, it does not mean that God is absent. It often means that God is calling us to a greater faithfulness. It is precisely in times of spiritual dryness that we must hold on to our spiritual discipline so that we can grow into new intimacy with God.

This post was written by Henri J. Nouwen. For his website, go to: http://www.henrinouwen.org

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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Sunday Meditation

02/03/2013

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Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.

We have many reasons, often what seem to be really good reasons, to be 'strong'. But if the bottom line of being 'strong' is to constrict the range of emotions which we allow ourselves to experience, what do we gain? We become people incapable of honestly experiencing the emotional realities of life. In this and many other ways we manage to avoid the clear biblical injunction to mourn with those who mourn. Our instincts are often to cheer other people up, to look on the bright side of things, to remind people of things they already know to be true. This text urges us to do the most basic of things. When it is time to mourn, we can mourn.

We can also rejoice when it is time to rejoice. It might seem like it would be easier to rejoice together. But this is not necessarily true. People in recovery have often experienced so many disappointments and betrayals that we find it difficult to experience good things. When something good happens, we expect that bad things will be waiting right around the corner. Instead of rejoicing, our instincts are to protect ourselves from the possibility of the soon-to-follow danger. We do our best to 'stay calm' so that we won't be disappointed. But again, this text urges us to do the most basic of things. When it is time to rejoice, rejoice.

The full range of life's emotions are to be experienced in community. As we share the most basic elements of life together, as we party together and hold each other in times of pain, we will become a fellowship distinguished by a capacity for honesty.

I rejoice, Lord
You do not tell me to calm down.
You do not warn me about getting too excited.
You encourage me to celebrate.
'Party together', you say.

I mourn, Lord.
You do not tell me to cheer up.
You do not tell me to 'be strong'.
You encourage me to experience the pain.
'Weep together' you say.

Thank you.
Thank you for welcoming the full range
of human emotions.
Thank you for joy and sorrow.
Give me the courage to weep with others.
Give me the freedom to rejoice with others.

Amen

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan
National Association for Christian Recovery

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Don't Sleep Alone

01/21/2013

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"We haven't shared our bed for over 20 years," the man told me. This man came to see me for counseling as he was at the end of himself. He was running out of faith. Faith in his marriage, faith in his wife, and ultimately faith that God could fix his situation. He was on the verge of suicide.

He told me an interesting story. The problem started rather simply as many young marriages do. "We were having a fight one evening. I don't even remember what it was about. But we were really steamed at each other and I decided I was going to "punish" my wife. I told her that if she was going to act that way, I would just sleep on the couch." Over time, this couple learned to handle their conflicts in this distorted, disrespectful and damaging way. God says that this type of behavior is sinful. Sometimes, his wife would take the initiative and "punish" him by sleeping on the couch. Over time, there was less forgiveness, less tolerance and less sleeping together. After a while, they stopped sleeping with each other altogether. His wife decided that she didn't want to share their bed with a man who was so unforgiving. So, she decided to move into the spare bedroom. God has stated that this type of behavior is unacceptable.

By all outward appearances, this couple was envied by their friends. This couple had a terrific facade. They both led very active lives. He would spend time with the boys watching sports and hanging out. Her friends became more important to her than her husband. People were so observant of their ability "to let each other enjoy themselves without tying the other down."

There were problems that were creeping in unaware to this couple. Their children noticed that at home, dad & mom would hardly speak to each other. They noticed that there parents would each go to their respective bedrooms in the evening and watch TV. They noticed that, at home, there was a lack of love and joy. However, the children also noticed that when they would go to church as a family, that all seemed good. At first the children enjoyed going to church because it felt like then they were a family that really loved and cared for each other. However, as the children became teenagers, they noticed the hypocrisy that their parents displayed. Their parents were one way at home, one way with their friends, and another way at church. When the children would talk to their friends, they came to realize that their parents really didn't love each other. It was all an act.

It was his son that awakened this man to what was really happening. His son casually said, sarcastically, "when I get married I want to have a wife that I don't love too, Dad." This man was so floored by his son's hurtful statement, that he didn't even know what to say or do. He just broke down and started crying. He asked himself, "what have I taught my children about love and marriage?" He realized that the last 20 years of his life have been a sham. That's when the feelings of despair and hopelessness set in. That's when he first started contemplating ending his life. Fortunately, this man sought help for his situation, deciding to get counseling for himself.

Now, the recovery from 20 years of denial and lovelessness is a long and arduous journey and I won't get into the issues that this man needed to face in counseling. However, I share his story to stop you and make you think...

How are you treating your wife? Have you two gone so far as to not share the marriage bed anymore? Maybe you haven't done that physically but emotionally. Do you sleep together, side-by-side, each nite and wonder why you're married, not feeling as if this person to whom you are married is even worth staying with? Have you given up on your love internally and just live a sham marriage?

Let me encourage you today. A pastor of mine used to say this frequently in his sermons, "it's never to late to do the right thing." So, if you've gone a long time (or even a short time) and haven't been cultivating the love and romance in your marriage, be a man and take the first step. Swallow your pride. Apologize to your wife for discarding her. Work on valuing her. Let your kids see you two in love. Get help and talk to your pastor or a Christian counselor.

Tomorrow, we are going to continue our discussion of marriage...

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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Sunday Meditation

12/23/2012

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When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.

There are times in life when it feels like we will drown in sorrow. The losses, the betrayals, the failures threaten to overwhelm us. The intensity of the emotional pain frightens us in times like this. We feel ourselves losing ground as life swirls around us.

This text states with great clarity two central truths which are critical to our survival in times like this. First, God has made a very specific promise to us. God says "I will be with you." This may not always be what we want. We may want God to take the floods of life away. We may want God to build dams upstream in life so that the danger of flood is diminished. But, God's promise is clear. I will be with you.

Secondly, this text says very clearly "When you pass through the waters, they will not sweep over you." God will protect us and see us through. There are times when there just doesn't seem to be any way to make it. Nothing is more painful in these times than to have someone who stands at a distance express optimism about our pain in a way that minimizes the struggle. ["Oh, you're going to be fine. Stop worrying about it."] Conversely, nothing is more valuable in these times than to have someone with us who sees the danger clearly but who is able to be hopeful for us and protect us and see us through

For your promise to be with me in the floods of life, God,
I give you thanks.
Help me to sense your presence.
For your hopefulness about my recovery,
I give you thanks.
Help me to share in your hope.
You are Life-Preserver to me, God.
Thank you.

Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan
National Association for Christian Recovery

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Sunday Meditation

Sunday Meditation

Are you bearing a cross?

Loneliness during Christmas

Depression during Christmas

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Spiritual dryness

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Don't Sleep Alone

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