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Top Ten Aprils Fool's pranks to pull on your kids

3/31/2014

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This is a collection of great ideas for April Fools' pranks for dads to play on their kids. Take one and get prepared for April 1. 

1. Hide the cell phone.  Get up a bit earlier than your child and take her cell phone and tape it underneath their chair at the kitchen table.  Then, when they are eating breakfast, call their cell phone and watch the reaction.  They will look everywhere for that phone and will not think of looking under the ktichen chair!

2. Empty the drawers and closets.  Once again, a middle of the night trick is to tiptoe into the bedroom and remova all the clothes from the kids' closets and dressers and stash them away somewhere.  When they  try to find their clothes, pretend that you don't know what is going on.  But don't carry it so far that they are late for school!

3. Dye the milk a weird color.  If your kids enjoy having a glass of milk for breakfast or pouring it on cold cereal in the morning, dye the milk the night before a color like red, green, yellow or blue the night before.  A little food coloring will work well, or you might use the coloring that bakers use for cake frosting to get an even deeper color.

4. Glue coins to the sidewalk.  This is a favorite of my brother-in-law.  A few years ago, he got some coins and superglued them to the concrete sidewalk in front of the house, right where the kids walked on their way to school.  Of course, they tried to pick them up off the sidewalk but found the task to be impossible.  It was totally fun to watch them try to figure out what had happened and why the coins just sat there.  Then they waited for their friends to come along and played the same prank on them.

5. Set the alarm clocks ahead an hour.  This one takes a bit of advanced planning.  Stay up a bit later or set your own alarm clock for about 3:00 a.m. and then set all the alarm clocks, cell phones, iPods and other electronic time keepers ahead an hour.  Therefore, when the alarm clocks ring, they will ring an hour before they should.  Then surprise the kids with your plan to go out to breakfast before school since they are all up so early!

6. Swap beds.  This prank only will work if your kids are sound sleepers.  One dad I know last year got up in the middle of the night and carried each of his kids out of their beds and put them into another kid's bed so when they woke up in the morning, they were all in the wrong beds.  He said it was pretty funny when they came wandering into his room wondering how they ended up in the wrong spot during the night.

7. The old fake food trick.  A friend of mine stopped by the toy store and picked up a bag of the toy, plastic food that sometimes little girls use in their play kitchens.  Little plastic fruits, fake fried eggs, and miniature meat patties are usually in such kits.  Then, on the morning of April 1, he invited his kids downstairs to "breakfast" made of these plastic foods.  They looked realistic enough on the plates to his sleepy-eyed children and when they started to eat, they discovered the prank.

8. Falling balls.  This is another good one to do before breakfast.  Gather up all the balls in the house.  Big ones and small ones, but just not heavy ones like golf balls.  Then load them into the cupboard where you keep bowls or cereal - one the kids will open at breakfast time.  When they open the cupboard door, they will be reallt surprised!

9. The frozen cereal trick.  This is another breakfast trick for April Fools Day.  The night before, put cereal and milk into a bowl and fill it about half full.  Then freeze it overnight.  In the morning, get it out of the freezer and fill it the rest of the way with cereal and milk.  your child will get quite a surprise when he or she tries to eat it in the morning.

10. Fill it up.  For the older kids, filling up a locker or a car interior with balloons is an awesome prank.  Try it at school while they are in class.  They will know that you love them!

This post is from fatherhood.about.com  



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Toenail suckin' frogs - part two

8/20/2013

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If you recall yesterday, there were no reminders on my part to my campers to keep their shoes on.  

At breakfast, I could hear my boys talking to other boys from other cabins about these toenail suckin' frogs and warning them that they needed to keep their shoes on.  Doubt started to spread, these boys weren't sure that I hadn't made up this story.  As we were walking to the morning chapel, I got all kinds of questions and doubt.  I reassured them that these creatures existed and that I was just warning them because I didn't want any of them to have to explain to their mother how they were missing a toenail.  Some of the boys talked to other counselors who told them there was no such thing.  When my boys would tell me what other counselors said, I just simply responded, "They must be a new counselor.  In fact, I don't think I've seen that counselor at this camp before."  I just left it at that.  No more explanation.  

That second evening, we had a terrific evening chapel.  The camp evangelist knew how to speak to kids about God in ways that kids could understand. I could see God's Holy Spirit working and kids were coming to know Jesus better.  

On the way back, in the dark, my boys talked about how they kept their shoes on all day and that no toenail suckin' frogs got to any of them.  We were walking past a small pond in the pitch black nite and I scooped up a handful of pebbles and threw them high in the air over the pond.  These pebbles made wonderful bubbling, plopping sounds as they hit the water.  I said, "stop!  Did you guys hear that?"  One of the boys said, "yes, I heard that.  What was it?"  I responded, "I think it's toenail suckin' frogs!"  As soon as those words were out of my mouth, all the boys took off running for the cabin.  I came a few minutes behind them and told them, "I'm lucky I had my shoes on.  There were a couple of those frogs that tried to latch on to my foot.  When they tasted the shoe, they just left me alone!"  

Very few things in the world are better than having a cabin full of boys who just left chapel after encountering God's Holy Spirit who were tired of running from frogs and finally feeling safe in their beds.  As we lay there in the dark the second nite, there were few questions and doubts about toenail suckin' frogs.  However, there were questions about what it means to have Jesus change your life, how with Jesus you don't need to be afraid, how much Jesus loves them and how He wants to get to know each of them.  It was a wonderful evening.  I prayed with each boy, stressing how much Jesus loved him and how there was no need to be afraid of toe nail suckin' frogs or anything else for that matter because God is strong and protects us.  

By the end of the week, two things occurred with the 8 boys in my cabin:

1.  We had talks long into the nite about God, church, nature, girls, frogs, etc.  I heard each of them share, in the darkness of that cabin, with me and their new friends, their fears, their accomplishments, their goals, the struggles that their families were going thru and all the fun that they were having at camp.

2.  None of them had become injured by walking around barefoot.  In fact, I'm pretty sure that most of them slept with their shoes on most every nite.  My cabin was the only boy cabin that didn't have someone step on something that hurt him.

I'll bet the moms of those boys had them wash their feet several times the first nite they were home as I just imagine that they were stinky.  I wouldn't know because they always had their shoes on every time I saw them.

The next week, when I was back home and my one son that was in that cabin with us was recalling the fun times.  It's a memory I will always cherish.  Boys and woods and cabins and frogs and Jesus.  What a wonderful combination.


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Toenail suckin' frogs - part one

8/19/2013

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One of the joys of being a father is being able to hang out with your kids.  Several times when my boys were young, I volunteered to be a camp counselor at the camp that they attended.  On one occasion, we got a warning from the Camp Director.  "There have been entirely too many foot injuries out there.  Kids are running around without shoes and then stepping on things and hurting themselves.  You need to have your kids have shoes on at all times."  Now, when he said "all times," I assumed he didn't mean in the pool or in bed but everywhere else.  Being a person who has studied human behavior all my life, I devised a plan to get the kids in my cabin to keep their shoes on.  

The first nite, as we were sitting around in the cabin, we each introduced ourselves and sat down where I explained the way that camp was gonna go that week.  As we were close to getting in bed, I said, "Oh, you guys need to keep your shoes on.  There are toenail suckin' frogs in this area."  Then I had us all get in our bunk beds and as I turned down the latern, I said a prayer.  I prayed for each boy there, their families and how each would come to know Jesus better during this week of fun.  As I closed the prayer, I said, "Oh, God, by the way, I pray that you would keep each of us safe from the toenail suckin' frogs that are around here.  In Jesus' name, Amen."   

If you have ever been a camp counselor of boys, you know that they don't drop off to sleep right away.  Well, there is always one boy who does, and he always happens to be the boy who snores the loudest....  


But, anyway, as we lay there in the dark, listening to the sounds of the various animals and rustling along the ground, after about 10 minutes, one boy asked the question that I hoped someone would ask.  "What's a toenail suckin' frog?"  

I said, "Oh, those guys are kinda dangerous, you need to keep your shoes on."  




One of the boys asked, "Even when we're in bed?"  

"I'm gonna risk it when I'm in bed but I'm gonna keep my shoes on everyplace else except the swimming pool.  Those frogs don't care for chlorine." 


"They won't get you in your bed?"  


"Nope.  Well...  I did hear about three years ago about this one that got this one boy's pinkie toenail while he slept but that's the only one I've heard about.  Those toenail suckin' frogs are just out mainly during the day.  Unless they're REALLY hungry."  


"What do these frogs do?"


"Well, they latch on to your toe and don't let go until they've swallowed your toenail."


"Does it hurt?"  


"Not too bad.  It just kinda aches a little.  I won't hurt you too bad.  If he gets on your toe, just let him finish his business and then he will jump off and leave you alone.  They only eat one toenail a day."


"Well, if he gets on my toe, I'm gonna take a stick and beat on him until he lets go."

I said, "oooh, you don't wanna do that.  That just makes them mad.  You don't want a mad toenail suckin' frog latched onto your toe.  It would be better to just kinda pretend he's not there and let him eat your toenail and then he will leave you alone."  

As these questions, kept coming, I could tell each of the boys were drifting off to sleep one by one.  

When I woke them up the next morning, they immediately started talking about toenail suckin' frogs.  Each of them put their shoes on.  No reminders on my part.

Tomorrow, we will have part two...

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Top 16 worship music typos

6/29/2013

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Recently I did a post about noticing typos in the worship music. The comments on that post were funnier than the post. Here are the best, completely real, typos people have noticed at church:

1. “Lord, You are more precious than silver… Lord, You are more costly than golf.”

2. Easter. The line was supposed to read “We were naked and poor” but instead it read “We were naked and poop.” Quite possibly the best typo of all time. I could not stop laughing for the rest of the song. It was epic.

3. ‘Defender of the week’ like Jesus is getting an award for being great at sports.

4. When we lived in Latin America: the line in the song was supposed to be “levantando manos santas” (lifting holy hands) but they wrote “monos” (monkeys) instead of “manos” and put that on the screen. Lifting holy monkeys. Um hmm. People standing around us thought the shekinah glory had come over us.

5. “Our God is greeter, our God is stronger.” I like that image. God greeting us as we walk into church. He’s like the little old lady who shakes our hands, only…He is God and God gives high fives! I assumed they left out the “a” and forgot to embrace the contraction, so I sing: “Our God’s a greeter.”

6. I made the power points for our colleges ministry and had a slide that, instead of saying Jesus my closest friend, said Jesus my closet friend. Don’t know how many people’s experience I ruined.

7. When I saw “Oh Lord Your Beautiful”, I wanted to stab my eyes. But I chose to say nothing. It was years ago. The fact that I still remember it means something.

8. I’ve noticed that, when we are singing “How He Loves,” the phrase “sloppy wet” gets misspelled to “unforeseen.” Not even close! C’mon, media team!

9. Lion of God turned into “Loin of God.” Fail. My bad.

10. I create the lyric sheets for our small fellowship, and one Sunday the “strumpets” were calling during Days of Elijah. Oops.

11. The slide said “four our sins He died.” Someone behind me asked if we’re on our own for the fifth sin.

12. The best one I have seen was: Amazon love, how can it be?

13. I’m personally a fan of “Angles We Have Heard on High” at Christmastime. I always assume they are right angles.

14. I once attended a performance of Handel’s “Messiah” where the phrase “surely He has borne our griefs” was printed as “surely He has borne our briefs” in the programs given to the audience. I laughed for a while.

15. My favorite? It was in the song “The Great I Am.” “Holy, Holy, Guacamole…”

16. My favorite is not a song lyric–it’s a typo in the Lord’s Prayer: “forgive us our debits as we forgive our debitors…” Not exactly the same meaning.

This post was written by Jon Acuff.  For the original post with comments, go to:  http://www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike/2013/06/top-16-worship-music-typos/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.



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A real man snags bird in flight

5/18/2013

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Have a Slappy Christmas!

12/24/2012

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Santa Claus had his origins in St. Nicholas, the fourth-century bishop of Myra in present-day Turkey. Known for his generosity and his love of children, Nicholas is said to have saved a poor family's daughters from slavery by tossing into their window enough gold for a rich dowry, a present that landed in some shoes or, in some accounts, stockings that were hung up to dry. Thus arose the custom of hanging up stockings for St. Nicholas to fill. And somehow he transmogrified into Santa Claus, who has become for many people the secular Christmas alternative to Jesus Christ.

But there is more to the story of Nicholas of Myra. He was also a delegate to the Council of Nicea in a.d. 325, which battled the heretics who denied the deity of Christ. He was thus one of the authors of the Nicene Creed, which affirms that Jesus Christ is both true God and true man. And unlike his later manifestation, Nicholas was particularly zealous in standing up for Christ.

During the Council of Nicea, jolly old St. Nicholas got so fed up with Arius, who taught that Jesus was just a man, that he walked up and slapped him! That unbishoplike behavior got him in trouble. The council almost stripped him of his office, but Nicholas said he was sorry, so he was forgiven.

The point is, the original Santa Claus was someone who flew off the handle when he heard someone minimizing Christ. Perhaps we can battle our culture's increasingly Christ-less Christmas by enlisting Santa in his original cause. The poor girls' stockings have become part of our Christmas imagery. So should the St. Nicholas slap.

Not a violent hit of the kind that got the good bishop in trouble, just a gentle, admonitory tap on the cheek. This should be reserved not for out-and-out nonbelievers, but for heretics (that is, people in the church who deny its teachings), Christians who forget about Jesus, and people who try to take Christ out of Christmas.

This will take a little tweaking of the mythology. Santa and his elves live at the North Pole where they compile a list of who is naughty, who is nice, and who is Nicean. On Christmas Eve, flying reindeer pull his sleigh full of gifts. And after he comes down the chimney, he will steal into the rooms of people dreaming of sugarplums who think they can do without Christ and slap them awake.

And we'll need new songs and TV specials ("Santa Claus Is Coming to Slap," "Deck the Apollinarian with Bats of Holly," "Frosty the Gnostic," "How the Arian Stole Christmas," "Rudolph the Red Knows Jesus").

Department store Santas should ask the children on their laps if they have been good, what they want for Christmas, and whether they understand the Two Natures of Christ. The Santas should also roam the shopping aisles, and if they hear any clerks wish their customers a mere "Happy Holiday," give them a slap.

This addition to his job description will keep Santa busy. Teachers who forbid the singing of religious Christmas carols-SLAP! Office managers who erect Holiday Trees-SLAP! Judges who outlaw manger displays-SLAP! People who give The Da Vinci Code as a Christmas present-SLAP! Ministers who cancel Sunday church services that fall on Christmas day-SLAP! SLAP!

Perhaps Santa Claus in his original role as a theological enforcer may not go over very well in our contemporary culture. People may then try to take both Christ and Santa Claus out of Christmas. And with that economic heresy, the retailers would start to do the slapping.

The original post was copied from:  http://www.worldmag.com/2005/12/slappy_holiday

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.


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