He sat across the table from me, trying to convince me that his behavior wasn't hurting anybody.  "I'm not having sex, I'm just having some fun!"  He proceeded to tell me  his story.   It's one that I have heard many times.  Unfortunately.

His behavior started fairly innocently.  He was happily married but there were occasions that his wife would work late.  During these times, on occasion, he would call a "chat line."  The conversations started out innocent enough but he didn't realize that he was being fleeced.  God speaks about this.  He says,"with persuasive words she led him astray; she seduced him with her smooth talk."   The young lady on the other end of the phone started flirting with him and tapped into his ego.  The next time he called her, she talked about how wonderful he was and how he helped her not to feel so lonely.  A few calls later, the trap was sprung.   He gave her his credit card number so that she would "tell him things that she knew he wanted to hear."  His calls continued with greater frequency.  He would get out of bed where his wife was sleeping to call this young lady.  She was always available to him and would say things that his wife would never say.  

He started to feel guilty and talked to the young lady about not calling her anymore.  That is when she set the hook.  She told him that she was a college student and that she needed the money to pay for school.  She admitted that she did this with just a few men and that they "weren't doing anything wrong."  

He looked at me and said, "but, I'm not cheating!!! I'm not having sex with her.  We're just having a little fun .  No one's getting hurt and I'm helping her pay for her education."  

I cautioned him about his behavior.  I explained to him what such behavior leads to.  That's when he said, "funny you should say that...."    He  then proceeded with this all too familiar story:

This young lady suggested that they meet.  It was a town that he visited on business often.   She explained that she offered private services to help men feel more masculine and perform better in bed.  She explained that he would enjoy it as "most men do."  

He went to the house that she and several other young women (who were working their way thru college too)  used to "help men."  There was never any intercourse.  He was "learning how to let a woman be in charge."   He found these lessons exhilarating.  He paused in his story, "but, I'm not cheating!!! We aren't having sex and I really like how she makes me feel."  It's as if he was trying to convince himself more than he was trying to convince me.  

I would love to be able to tell you that this man conquered this illicit behavior but I cannot.  His life became a disaster.  

One night when he was talking to this young woman on the phone, his wife happened to be listening on the extension.  The next day, when he got home from work, he found his belongings on the yard, the locks changed and a court injunction prohibiting him from ever seeing his wife again.  The divorce proceedings were quick and he soon found himself on the street with no home.

I haven't had any contact with him since.  I don't know where he is and I don't know if he got help.  I do pray for him, hoping that he has turned to God and is living a life that represents Christ well.

Why do I tell you this story?  I guess you need to know that it is easy for men to rationalize their sinful behavior.   Men have a tendency to compartmentalize their behavior and think that their lives cannot be affected.  

God has something to say about this.  ‎"The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, a puzzle that no one can figure out. But I, God, search the heart and examine the mind. I get to the heart of the human. I get to the root of things. I treat them as they really are, not as they pretend to be."   

So, what is in your heart?  
Are you pretending?  
Ask God to give you a new heart.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

If you stumble into sin, believer, don't give up; don't allow hopelessness to consume you, the deceitfulness of sin to blind you, or the weight of shame to defeat you. In the morning and evening prayer we pray, in part, the following: "I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not fall" (Ps. 16:8). Christ is at your right hand, and this fall shall not be final for you; He took the final fall. 

Yes, you may feel as though your worst day has cast a shadow over you that will never break to show the light of day, but, happily, you're wrong. God, in Christ, has declared you to be righteous (2 Cor. 5:21). Of the righteous we read: "for though they fall seven times, they will rise again" (Prov. 24:16NRSV). You will rise, friend, because Christ will lift you up. He took the ultimate fall in order that you should rise. 

No one knows how many times I've had to encourage myself, thinking these thoughts, repeating the words of this post to myself. How I didn't play dead but arose from sin is a testimony to God's sheer grace. This post is as much an exhortation to myself as it is for anyone else experiencing difficulties or tragedies, whether self-caused or otherwise.

What do you do on the worst day of your life? Rise: not because you're inherently worthy of being named righteous. Rise because the one who took the ultimate fall declares you righteous. Rise because, though you sinned, though you deserve the fate of the wicked like the rest of us, there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Rom. 8:1). 

But rise, too, because you neither honor the Lord nor serve the body of Christ by remaining fallen. Don't play dead, possum. In Christ you have been made alive (Col. 2:13). Play dead to your old, sinful nature or past. But in Christ, even when you sin, don't play dead -- don't remain defeated. In Him you are more than one who has conquered all spiritually negative realities (Rom. 8:37). "So if you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God" (Col. 3:1 NRSV). 

You can avoid re-offending others by rising, and thinking healthy, spiritual thoughts: "whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things" (Phil. 4:8). All offenses begin with thoughts. We are instructed to destroy arguments raised up against the knowledge of God. 

But the apostle Paul also added, "We destroy arguments and every proud obstacle raised up against the knowledge of God" (2 Cor. 10:5 NRSV, emphasis added). How many thoughts rise up against the reality of God's holy existence and righteous standards? We are taught to destroy such thoughts, to take them captive and make them obedient to Christ (2 Cor. 10:5). 

I picture such thoughts as personified. I imagine capturing them, putting them into a prison cell, while Christ stands watch over them as Guard. If I fail to do so, then I may entertain such thoughts, have them affect me emotionally, and then obey them. When I obey them, I sin. "But one is tempted by one's own desire, being lured and enticed by it; then, when that desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin, and that sin, when it is fully grown, gives birth to death. Do not be deceived, my beloved" (James 1:15-16 NRSV). 

But when you sin, no matter the degree, take it immediately to Christ. "If we confess our sins, he who is faithful and just will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9 NRSV). Don't let sin drag you into a hopeless, despondent, dejected place, out of which you feel impossible to escape. By His grace and forgiveness you rise up, and you keep rising up. You don't rise up only once. You will need to rise up every time you fall. 

More than that, you will need to rise up every time you think about a past fall. Such thoughts about your past have a tendency to paralyze you emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Paralyzed, you will play dead. No: in Christ you must rise up from the guilt of your past. Though you fall seven times a day, you will rise -- you must rise (Prov. 24:16). 

The Lord foreknew every sin you would ever commit when He by grace through faith in Christ saved your soul. You don't ever take Him by surprise by any thought, desire, or action. In Christ He has already declared you holy, sanctified (set apart from the world and for His service and care), and righteous. You don't let Him down because you don't hold Him up.

You are becoming more and more like Christ (Rom. 8:29), slow as such may seem, and your heavenly Father understands completely all of your eccentricities, particularities, and unique qualities. This is how, you see, you keep on rising. Give your defeats to the One who defeated sin, death, and hell (1 Cor. 15:56-57; 1 John 3:8). Give your hopelessness to the God of hope (Rom. 15:13). Whatever you do, don't play dead, possum, but rise.    

This post was written by William Watson Birch.  You can find the original post with comments here:       http://www.classicalarminian.com/2013/01/saturday-devotion-dont-play-dead.html

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

“My car ran out of gas and it stranded me on the highway for a while.” “The store at the mall declined my credit card because it was maxed out.” “I didn’t get my coffee today”.

Have you ever heard phrases like these? Have you ever been the one to say them?

In our culture, I hear phrases like these every day. Sometimes, I hear them on TV, sometimes in the midst of counseling sessions, and more often online. The attitude behind these statements reflects a reason for the deterioration of the world around us.

It is a victim mentality that convinces us that everything that is bad in this world is a personal attack.

As a result of this idea, we fail to take responsibility for our own actions. If your car ran out of gas, it may be because you didn’t fill it (sometimes it is a money issue). If you are on a shopping spree for things you don’t need, and your credit card declines…then maybe one of the culprits could be your spending habits.

Also, yes, you are still responsible for your behavior if you did not get your coffee…go to bed earlier if possible! Granted, there are times when we can’t help or prevent what happens to us, but true character is displayed when we respond to these adversities in a noble manner.

Now before I start getting hate mail accusing me of being judgmental, it is important to note that I have fallen victim of a victim mentality many times in my life. I was convinced that the bad I was experiencing was happening to me and I never questioned whether I was contributing.

If we never take responsibility for what we have caused, what we have done, or who we have hurt, then our spiritual growth will be stunted. We will never see the need for redemption and will continue to believe that the world is out to make our lives miserable. This is no way to live.

Examine yourself. 
Take steps to grow.

This post was written by Rev DeCrastos.  For the original post, go to:  http://other-words.net/2012/12/05/oops-did-i-just-say-that/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

No more lying then. Everyone must tell the truth to his fellow believers because we are all members together in the body of Christ.

Honesty is essential to recovery. Honesty is essential to intimacy. 
But honesty is not easy.

We were not created to be isolated, independent creatures. We were created to be interdependent. We need each other. And in order for us to be helped by others and to be helpful to others, we need to practice honesty. That means we must learn how to talk to each other about our thoughts and our feelings and our needs. We must learn to talk about our struggles and failures, about our dreams and our successes.

Honesty is the soil in which intimate relationships grow. It creates the possibility of being known and loved for who we really are. But it is also full of risks. If we tell the truth about ourselves, people may not listen. They may not want to know. They may not understand. They may judge and reject. They may dislike us. They may give us simple answers to unanswerable questions. They may repeat what we have said to others.

We hesitate to be honest because we have experienced these things in the past. Our feelings may have been minimized. Our thoughts may have been devalued. Our reality may have been denied. But in order to grow healthy relationships, in order to heal and recover, we need to begin to take risks. Learning honesty will be a process for us. It will not come quickly. But as we practice the disciplines of honesty we gradually become more secure in telling the truth.

I am tired of lying, when it would be just as easy to tell the truth.
But I am afraid of honesty, Lord.
It's not as easy as it sounds.
Help me to pursue honesty today.
Help me to be honest with you.
Help me to be honest with myself.
Help me to build a community of faith
where honesty is the norm.
Build in me a capacity for truth.

Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan
National Association for Christian Recovery

The more you practice a lie, the better you get at it, say the results of a new study.

Published Nov. 12, 2012 in the journal Frontiers in Cognitive Science, the study found that, after 20 minutes of practicing their cover story, liars could respond just as quickly and easily to lies as to the truth. Moreover, they were no more likely to slip-up on falsehoods than on the truth.

"After a short time of training, people can be very efficient at lying," said Xiaoqing Hu, a study co-author and psychology doctoral candidate at Northwestern University. "The difference between lying and being honest has been eliminated after the training."

Though people lie for myriad reasons, it's no easy task. Lying takes a lot of brainpower because it requires holding contradictory information in mind (the truth and the lie), while inhibiting the urge to tell the truth. Children are terrible liars and only improve as they mature. And several studies have found that people take longer to tell a lie than to tell the truth.

"Lying is a difficult, because honesty is the default communication mode," Hu told LiveScience.

But past studies mostly tested people's ability to offer a deception with no practice. In real life, criminals usually practice and perfect their alibis before facing a police interrogation. 

Hu and his colleague wanted to see how lying changed with practice. They asked 16 people to essentially play at espionage by remembering three facts for a false identity: their new name, a new date of birth and a new hometown.

Researchers then asked volunteers to answer a question ("Is this true of you?") for different facts about their true self, and to press a "yes" or "no" button in response, while the researchers measured response time and accuracy.

The liars were then asked to practice lying by pressing "yes" whenever a fact from their false identity appeared and "no" when true details were presented. (A control group of 16 people performed the same trial, but answered yes to the truth.)

After 270 trials, or about 20 minutes of training, liars were indistinguishable from truth-tellers on accuracy and response time.

"We think that, psychologically, the people basically learned that this is not me and the fake identity is me," Hu said.

The team is currently studying whether other measures of lying, such as polygraph machines or EEG brain wave measurements, can reveal practiced deception, or whether lies are completely undetectable using current methods, he said.

The findings have implications not just for would-be criminals, but also for lie-detection research, which usually attempts to spot deception immediately after a person is asked to lie.

"But in the real world, after a crime, there is usually a delay between the crime and the interrogation," giving the criminal a chance to practice their falsehood, he said.

Hu's team is currently studying whether people can improve their lies when asked to provide a false memory of events — for instance, when creating an alibi after a burglary.

[The more you lie, the more you believe your own lies.]
[The more you lie, the easier it becomes to lie.]  

This post was taken from:  http://www.livescience.com/25057-practice-improves-lying.html

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

“Now on the twenty-fourth day of this month the children of Israel were assembled with fasting, in sackcloth, and with dust on their heads.” Nehemiah 9:1 (NKJV)

There are a couple of things we need to understand about this verse. The first is that their sorrow for sin is in connection with hearing the Law. In Nehemiah 8 the Law was read and explained to them. As the Law was preached they were made aware of their transgressions of God’s Law and this brought a deep conviction upon them. Conviction of sin is almost always connected to hearing God’s Word.

The second thing we have to notice is their response to this conviction. They assembled while fasting and wearing sackcloth and dust on their heads. This was all a sign of great mourning for their sin. When you read the Scriptures, particularly the Old Testament you find that the people fasted when they were mourning over sin. I’m not 100% sure of the significance of fasting when accompanying mourning unless it was to show that they were so distraught over their sin that they couldn’t even eat. The significance of the sackcloth and ashes was that of humiliation. They were showing outwardly what was going on inwardly. Inwardly they were so grieved over their sin against God that they were humiliated by it. So they demonstrated their grief and humiliation by wearing a burlap sack and putting dirt on their heads.

Biblical repentance always includes a godly sorrow for the sins committed.

“Now I rejoice, not that you were made sorry, but that your sorrow led to repentance. For you were made sorry in a godly manner, that you might suffer loss from us in nothing. For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death.” (2 Corinthians 7:9-10 NKJV)

One of the things that’s important to take away from this passage is not all sorrow is a godly sorrow. The Bible says that there is a godly sorrow for sin that leads to repentance and salvation. There is also a worldly sorrow for sin that leads to death. We have to know the difference so that we can ensure that the sorrow we feel at our sin is the godly sorrow that leads to repentance and salvation.

Let me take a minute and explain what godly sorrow is not. Godly sorrow is not being sorry you were caught. If the only sorrow produced in your life when you sin is a result of someone finding out about your sins, you are not genuinely sorry for your sins. You are sorry you got caught in your sins.

Godly sorrow is not being afraid God is going to punish you for your sins. If the only sorrow produced in your life when you sin comes because you are afraid that God is going to break your leg, burn down your house, do something to your children or do something else to punish you, you are not genuinely sorry for your sin. You fear God’s punishment. To fear God’s punishment and to be sorry for sin is not the same thing.

To be sorry you were caught or be sorry because you are afraid of God’s punishment are examples of worldly sorrow that leads to death. The reason they lead to death is because they do not really turn us to God and they do not produce a change in our lives. When someone is sorry they were caught they are only sorry and only pretend to change while the shame of being caught remains. Once the shame is over the change goes out the window and they go back to doing what they were doing only this time they are more careful.

When someone is sorry because they are afraid of God’s punishment they are only sorry and only pretend to change while the fear of punishment remains. Once the fear of punishment is gone the change goes out the window and they go back to doing what they were doing before.

Godly sorrow is very different from this. With godly sorrow we feel grief or sorrow for the sin committed whether anyone finds out or not. With godly sorrow we feel grief or sorrow for the sin committed whether God chastises us for that sin or not. Basically it means that you are sorry you committed the sin regardless of any other circumstances. It is to be sorry you have sinned against God.

In the world we live in one of the greatest crimes you can commit against humanity is to make someone feel bad about themselves. We live in a world where people feel they are entitled to always feel good. On the other hand the Bible teaches that if we sin against God, we won’t always feel good about ourselves because Biblical repentance always involves a godly sorrow for the sins we’ve committed against God.


This post was written by Rev Ross.  You can find the original post at:  http://stacyjross.wordpress.com/2012/11/09/sorrow-for-sin/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

During the First Great Awakening Jonathan Edwards preached his famous message Sinners In The Hands Of An Angry God.  Reports from this time say that Edwards wasn’t an eloquent speaker. Instead of walking around and preaching with dramatic flair, Edwards looked down at his manuscript and read this sermon in a flat and monotone voice. The reports from this time also say that as Edward preached men and women would hold on to the posts of the church for fear of dropping into hell. Others would stop of their ears and run screaming out of the church. Undeterred Edwards kept preaching. Edwards ended his sermon with this appeal, “Therefore let everyone that is out of Christ, now awake and fly from the wrath to come.”

Flee they did. Many fell on the ground and cried out for Christ to save them. While there is no official number of salvations during this time most estimates put the number in the thousands. From what I’ve read few of these were the flash in the pan decisions that don’t last once the emotional fervor wears off. Instead most of those who were saved during the Great Awakening lived faithful Godly lives the rest of their days.

For someone who has never seen men or women respond to conviction as it is described about the Great Awakening I can easily find myself saying, “Ah I bet that’s not quite how it happened.” The truth is though; there are Biblical examples of people responding in very similar ways. At the end of Peter’s sermon on the day of Pentecost the Bible says the people were cut to the heart and asked, “…what shall we do?” (Acts 2:37) The picture of being cut to the heart is very similar to what we hear about from the Great Awakening.

The question this leaves me with is why? Why don’t we see this sort response to conviction in our day? I’m convinced that one of the main reasons for this is that our culture has a low view of repentance. To many in our world repentance is simply asking God to forgive us for our sins, without any real plans to making the necessary changes in our lives that will prevent us from falling into that sin again. We are like a guy I saw in a movie once. He said something like, “I like to sin. God likes to forgive sin. It’s a very good arrangement.”

Biblical repentance isn’t just asking God to forgive us for our sins. Let’s be honest, we can ask for forgiveness and still remain unchanged. In Scripture we see several examples of people who confessed, “I have sinned” and yet this really didn’t mean a thing to them. Let me remind you of a couple of these.

In the book of Exodus, Pharaoh was overwhelmed with the plagues that came upon him because of his hardened and sinful heart, and he cried out and said, “I have sinned” (Exodus 9:7 and 10:16).  But he didn’t really mean it because he never let the people go. In the book of Numbers, the heretical prophet Balaam said, “I have sinned” (Numbers 22:34), but his repentance wasn’t sincere because he still tried to help Balak cause the destruction of the Israelites.

In the book of Joshua, Achan said, “I have sinned” (Joshua 7:20), but it was too late; he said it only because he was caught and it did not represent heartfelt repentance. In the book of 1 Samuel, King Saul said, “I have sinned,” (1 Samuel 15:24), but it did not come from a humble heart.  He was still speaking in defiance and pride. In the book of Matthew, Judas said, “I have sinned for I have betrayed innocent blood” (Matthew 27:4), but he didn’t really repent. Instead he went out and killed himself.

My favorite definition of repentance is that repentance is a change of mind about God and sin that results in a change of life. Biblical repentance always brings about change in our lives. Repentance involves total change in the direction of our lives. We turn from our sin and we turn to God with the intention of forsaking the sin and serving God. This will obviously require more from us than shedding a couple of tears and asking God to forgive us. It will require a total change in our outlook, our expectations and our commitments.

When you read the Bible and see the messages of John the Baptist, Jesus and Paul you don’t find a shallow view of repentance. Jesus called on repentant people to deny themselves, take of their cross and follow Him. John the Baptist and Paul both called on people to repent of their sins, believe the Gospel and then do works that demonstrated their repentance.

Another way we see this shallow view of repentance is in the way that it’s almost seen as optional by many in our day. In fact there is a whole movement of people who teach that repentance is not necessary at all at any time in your life. I personally find this attitude fascinating considering that in Luke 13 Jesus says “Lest you repent you will likewise perish.” Jesus didn’t get the memo that people didn’t have to repent and so He went around and commanded people to repent. Not to mention that in Acts 17 we are told that God commands all men everywhere to repent (Acts 17:30).

This may lead us to wonder what Biblical repentance looks like. That’s what I’m going to talk about tomorrow.

This post was written by Rev Ross.  For the original post, go to:  http://stacyjross.wordpress.com/2012/11/08/repentance/


BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

It’s no secret—porn is taking down church leaders left and right. If you’ve been in ministry for any time you’ve either: 1) watched a close friend lose their ministry because of it or 2) struggled with some form of pornography yourself.

Viewing porn is a major obstacle to experiencing the abundant life God gives us freely through the cross. Porn is enslaving and we were meant to be free. In recent studies we’ve also learned that viewing pornography makes us more likely to have an affair, more vulnerable to divorce, depression, and the guilt involved can often become numbing—rendering us ineffective for life and ministry. In short, viewing porn gives the enemy freedom to ruin our relationships, our ministries, and our churches.

As ministry leaders we need to do everything we can to protect ourselves. If we don’t take the necessary precautions—and stay intentional—we will leave ourselves open to this not-so-subtle sexual sin.   

Maybe you’ve never seen porn (although, I doubt it) or maybe you’re a recovering addict—no matter where you are on the spectrum, this (Screwtape-esque) list explores the ways in which we leave ourselves open to today’s most ardent leadership killer.   

10 Easy Ways to Look at Porn Without Getting Caught

1. Work late at night in a secluded office.  Sooner or later the temptation will sneak up on you. Access and solitude make a powerful mix for secret actions. No one will be around to know the dark things you’re about to click on. Working late sans safeguards is possibly the number one gateway to viewing porn.

2. Don’t develop close relationships.  Avoid being asked vulnerable questions about your life, your heart and your doctrine. Nothing makes us more prone to sexual sin than a lack of intimate, Christ-centered relationships.

3. Learn how to cover your trail.  Delete your Internet history often and make sure you don’t download an accountability program to help protect your eyes.

4. Let your personal prayer time dry up. You might be tempted to confess if you have a powerful prayer encounter with God—so it’s best to skip this time and fully embrace your guilt and forget about grace for a while. Surely you don't deserve it.

5. Convince yourself it’s just a one-time event.  Compromise is the name of the game—if it’s just once, and you ask for forgiveness, is it really worth the humiliation and potential damage to your relationships and your leadership?

6. Minimize your sin.  If you think it’s small, your chances of sharing or confessing your sin will almost disappear. Of course, there’s no “small” sins—you learned that in seminary—but forget that for a short time until the guilt subsides. 

7. Become a legalist.  If you spend time looking at the sins of others—it’s likely that you won’t confess your own. In fact, legalism is a great path for those hiding secret sins.

8. Separate your spiritual life from your personal life.  If you can make a successful dichotomy between your "christian life" and personal life then you’re well on your way to hiding your sin and guilt. This will (almost) ensure that you don’t get nailed for your private sins in public (at least for a while).

9. Don’t develop an open dialogue with your spouse about your struggles.  If you intentionally close down any vulnerable and touchy conversations about your faults, sin and your deep struggles—you’re likely to keep the whole porn problem under wraps as your little secret (until it’s not so secret).

10. Forget about the power of the gospel.  If you go for long enough without remembering the life-altering power of the resurrection, your new life and the grace freely given to you—you can live in hiding like Adam and Eve, covering up your most vulnerable spots on your own (for a while) without getting God in the mix.

Of course, if you really want to protect yourself from the pitfalls of porn ... you can do the opposite and take this list as a challenge to cultivate strong safeguards to help keep your heart, life and ministry pure.

This post is written by Brian Orme.  You can find the original post here:  http://www.churchleaders.com/pastors/pastor-how-to/161864-10-easy-steps-to-look-at-porn-without-getting-caught.html?p=2

BE HOLY.
BE AMAN.