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7 big things about sex (part one)

3/2/2016

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Here are 7 things Matt Chandler says the Song of Solomon tells us about sex:

1. Sex is romantic

​Song of Solomon 4 takes us into the bedroom of Solomon and his bride, immediately after their wedding. Over the course of their relationship they’ve exposed their hearts to one another, and now, finally, their bodies. But they don’t rip their clothes off and jump into bed. After all of that waiting, and all of that patience, they take their time.

Chandler says that if we misread this intimate experience, “we may set ourselves up for having our joy stolen.” It would be easy to read this and expect far too much from ourselves or our spouse—but that’s our culture talking, not our Bibles.

“Between the buildup of anticipation, the nirvana-like category our culture has assigned sex, and the long, long wait, sometimes that first time is built up out of proportion.”

Our culture is often caught between an ideology that suggests that sex is simply physical—where the timid, delicate stage of virginity is something to “get out of the way” so you can enjoy more sex with more people—and the reality that sex is actually a far more powerful experience when combined with love (and the emotional and spiritual intimacy that comes from familiarity).

So Solomon takes his time appreciating the beauty of his bride. “He started from the top,” Chandler says, “and worked his way slowly down, doling out praise in a very measured fashion.”


His intimate knowledge of his bride told him that to love her well, building her confidence in her body image was the place to start.

“We know from the previous chapters that she likely carried around some insecurity about her body, about her appearance . . . Solomon knew this. And because Solomon was very wise, he also knew that insecure women do not feel safe. Nor do they feel free and sexually uninhibited.”

He compliments the face he sees behind the veil (Song of Solomon 4:3–4), showing his desire and appreciation for her as she already is, as if to say, after all this waiting, “Even just looking at you is pleasurable.”

This slow, methodical approval of her physical beauty doesn’t hinder the experience—it enhances it.

“And what we see in his slowness, his poetry, his wise understanding of how she was wired and what she needed to hear,” Matt says, “Is that marital sex according to God’s Word is romantic.”


2. Sex is tender

“Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle, that graze among the lilies” (Song of Solomon 4:5).

Solomon’s metaphor for his bride’s breasts shows us that despite their mutual affection and desire for one another, Solomon knew her nakedness was delicate. Her body was something to gently approach. Carefully. Slowly. It was not something to snatch up greedily.

“I often hear guys complain about the frequency of sex in their marriage,” Chandler says. “But I can tell by the things they say and the way they say those things that they may be their own worst problem. I want to say to them, ‘Maybe if you quit groping your wife, she’d be more interested.'”

Sex is designed to be mutually satisfying. Our anatomies allow for both partners to be satisfied during sex, but the means by which we get there are different, and we’re naturally inclined to focus on pleasing ourselves first.

Solomon, however, took his time to carefully, slowly, approach his bride sexually.
“He was interested in more than his own gratification,” Chandler says. “He wanted his bride to feel sexual pleasure too—but beyond that, he wanted her to feel loved.”

Chandler believes one source of frustration in the bedroom is pornography, or perhaps more broadly, the root of pornography—male lust. Pornography and the sexualization of all-things-women creates false expectations. It’s not a real picture of sex because it’s only one half of the equation. You need a real, broken man and a real, broken woman to complete it.

“Sex the way God created it to be is very romantic and, yes, very intense,” Chandler says, “But also very tender.”

If the intensity of sex is not mutually desired, it’s selfish. At best, the selflessness is one-sided. Tenderness ultimately leads to the most loving, mutually satisfying outcome.

3. Sex is passionate

“Until the day breathes and the shadows flee, I will go away to the mountain of myrrh and the hill of frankincense” (Song of Solomon 4:6).

Solomon’s vivid (and perhaps, seemingly bizarre) descriptions of his wife’s body continue as the encounter becomes increasingly sexual. Reading with modern eyes, it’s easy to miss how his carefully-picked compliments continue to dissolve his wife’s insecurities. He refers to her body as an impossibly beautiful thing he could have only imagined, as she stands completely naked before a man for the first time.

Chandler says, “He was out of his mind with passion for her. There were mountain peaks, wild animals—a romantic ferocity, a passion taking place. They were being transported! Maybe you’ve heard some sexual encounters described as out-of-body experiences. This was one of those. They felt swept away. The passion was so great that this sex became about more than sex and physical gratification. It became the culmination and the means of something greater, something beyond themselves.”

This wasn’t the sinful shadow of passion one feels in a moment of lust. This wasn’t two people ruled by instinct.
​

“The couple in the Song of Solomon possessed a passion akin to adoration. It was awash with glory, not about urges but unction.”

Tomorrow, we will continue our discussion...


This post was taken from Ryan Nelson.  You can find his original, complete post here:  https://blog.faithlife.com/blog/2016/01/7-things-the-bible-says-about-sex/

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Talking about sex

9/26/2015

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Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together. Matthew 19:6

How is your sex life?

That’s a fair question, isn’t it? After all, sexuality is not a given, something that somehow miraculously takes care of itself once we enter marriage. It needs nurture, tenderness, education and—are you ready for this—religion.

It’s a fact.

Religion, according to some studies, is good for your sex life. As strange as it may sound, there is a strong link in marriage between spirituality and sexuality.

Married couples who cultivate spiritual intimacy are far more likely to report higher satisfaction with their sex life than other couples. 

This fact makes sense if you think about it. The mysteries, wonders, and pleasures of sex in marriage are a divine gift to celebrate. Those who try to limit sex to procreation are simply ignoring the Bible.

Scripture — right from the beginning — enthusiastically affirms sex within the bonds of marriage.

Start with the first chapter of the Bible. It contains a magnificent comment on the meaning of sexuality in marriage. As God is bringing the universe into existence we are told that the human creation is set apart from all others, for it is the imago Dei, the image of God: “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them” (Gen. 1:27). 

Our maleness and femaleness is not just an accidental arrangement of the human species. Our male and female sexuality is related to our creation in the image of God.

This point is echoed throughout scripture. 

And Jesus certainly underscores a high view of sex in marriage when he refers to the Genesis passage and then adds, “So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate” (Matt. 19:6).

In the Old Testament and in the New Testament, in the Gospels and in the Epistles, is found the call to celebrate sexuality in marriage. There is no denying that your spiritual growth helps to enhance your sexual intimacy in marriage.

So, we’ll ask it again. How’s your sex life? We don’t need you to tell us (really, we don’t). But it’s an important question to ask each other from time to time.

This post was written by Drs Les & Leslie Parrott.  For them at www.lesandleslie.com




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Holy sex:  6 things to teach your children

8/17/2015

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Sex has been very much in the news lately: what it is, what it isn’t, what’s holy, what we’re designed for and what we aren’t. All this conversation is not lost on our kids, which means we have a wonderful teaching moment in front of us. They need to hear what we agree with and what we don’t agree with among all the messages out there, and they need positive messages about holy living.

If that sounds like an uncomfortable conversation to you, you’re in good company. Most parents dread it, maybe even avoid it. Consider this instead as an opportunity to spiritually shape your kids in a significant area of their development. Talk honestly, openly and often about who we are, how we’re made and what we’re designed for.

If you’re ready to help your kids understand sex from God’s point of view, share at least these six thoughts:

1) Good sex is holy.  We know this because God is holy, and God invented sex. Genesis teaches us that God cut male and female out of the same cloth, so we were created out of a kind of oneness. This is God’s design and when you know how something works, that’s empowering.

2) Good sex depends on a strong covenant.  Sex is designed to be practiced inside the covenant of marriage. The basic word in this whole holy design is covenant, which is basically a solemn agreement to either hang onto or step away from something. In the case of men, women and marriage, that covenant is a solemn agreement to hang onto each other for life, and sex is the sign of that covenant. The difference between covenant and no covenant is the difference between holy and human. Sex without covenant is like putting a BMW symbol on a Ford Pinto. You may have the symbol, but you don’t have the car (and the car you’ve got is likely to blow up).

3) Good sex is not shame-producing.  Sex was not designed to produce shame; it was designed to generate goodness. Over and over in the story of creation, we hear that God made things that are good. Men and women are called “very good.” Genesis 2:25 says, “The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” Sex inside of a healthy covenant relationship is designed to generate joy, not shame. I want your kids to hear that abuse is never acceptable, and that good sex is not shame-producing.

4) Good sex is not love-producing (but is a great response to good love).  Sex does not make love. It is a response to love, and love is not an act or emotion. It is a commitment. We “make love” happen not by engaging in physical acts, but by practicing mutual submission (see Ephesians 5:21) and by practicing habits with each other like patience, kindness and humility. We practice it by not keeping score or letting our anger get the best of us, and then we celebrate our successes in moments of sweet intimacy.

5) Good sex is ultimately about life.  This is the Genesis purpose of sex. God made us to be creators, and he made sex enjoyable so we’d be drawn to it. That’s why natural curiosity is a good thing. We want kids to understand God’s plan for pursuing that curiosity in a positive light. Our job is help our kids make sense of those curiosities and channel them toward God’s good, joyful, healthy design.

6) Holy sex is good.  It is not something to be afraid of (goodness, no!), nor is it something we are powerless to control. Talk to your kids about the power they have over their own lives, about the nature of true love, about the rewards of self-discipline. Talk to them about how to begin life with a holy end in mind, and about making goals that set them up to live well. And above all, model it. Because your life is the greatest lesson your kid will ever receive.

There are also six things that are important to remember as you prepare for a conversation with your kids:

1) Be approachable.  Make sure your kids know you love them and are coming at this from a place of affection, not condemnation.  Just a thought: My daughter taught me that I have a “parent voice” that isn’t very welcoming in casual conversation. I appreciated knowing that how I approach a conversation makes a difference in her openness to receiving it.

2) Be safe.  Make it clear (over and over) that you are the safest person to talk to. No matter what the question.

3) Be clear.  Be clear about what you consider to be right and wrong, and connect it to a biblical perspective. Don’t just give your opinion; back it up.  If you don’t know what you believe about something, say so, then go find an answer you are comfortable with.

4) Be age-appropriate.  Don’t be afraid to ask this question often: “Anything we need to talk about?” Think in terms of “talks,” not “the talk.” At different ages, our kids need different information. Don’t give the Ph.D. version while your child is still in kindergarten.

5) Be proactive.  Don’t assume your kids don’t care.  Kids are naturally inquisitive about how the world works, and they want to know what you think. Whether you sense it or not, you are the greatest influence in your child’s life.

6) Be positive.  Let your kids hear you say that God designed sex and made it special.  Remember:  God’s plan is not designed not to suck the fun out of life (far from it!) but so we will have the greatest opportunity for experiencing a joyful, rich and deep life that’s full of good love.

The current climate in our country gives us a great opportunity to talk with our kids about God’s design and their future.  Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified, for the Lord your God goes with you … (Deut. 31:6).


This post was written by Pastor Moore.  You can find the original post here:  http://seedbed.com/feed/holy-sex-6-things-tell-kids-6-ways/




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Conquering sexual sin

10/4/2014

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Sexual sin once robbed your heart of something very precious.  Every little boy sees the fight for right and desires to be an agent of good, to be the good guy who saves the day.

Every little boy has dreams and visions of one day being someone great and doing something great, but sexual sin often steals these dreams away.  God wants to recapture those dreams and restore them for God's man on the battlefield.  Victory restores these hopes and renews the dreams that were once vaporized in the midst of sexual sin.

The dream lives!  Now, with a sanctified heart, you know what you can do in Him.  You feel it.  You're a fighting machine, confident as you approach any battle.  You've proven that your Command Officer can trust you with much as long as you abide in Him.  And He's proven that you can trust Him to supply all you need in battle.

Battles test and transform soldiers, and this test revealed the depth of your love for Him.  You're stronger, and you're changed.  God is a strong God, and He wants strong, confident soldiers in His kingdom who are good in a fight, even when facing daunting odds that seem overwhelming.

Taken from Every Man's Challenge, pp 33-34.


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Would Jesus do that?

9/30/2014

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This picture represents an important concept in gaining ground on addictions and compulsions.  

If you observe this startling picture you will notice various things.  I don't even understand all that the artist intended as he has made several statements with this picture.

However, what stands out to me the most is the left arm of the man shooting up.  If you look carefully, you will see that it is actually Jesus' arm that is receiving the drug.  

There is an important concept to be learned here.  Did you know that what you do to yourself, you do to Jesus?  If you think this is a goofy idea, know that it is true.  Paul stated, "Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself?  Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute?  Never!"  

Do you abuse your body?  Do you abuse alcohol and/or other drugs?  Then you're causing Jesus to abuse his body.

Do you engage in sexual sin?  Do you let your mind wander into lust?  Then you're causing Jesus to sin sexually.

Does your mind ruminate on hateful thoughts?  Then you're causing Jesus to hate.

This concept is also consistent with David's statement to God, "Against you and you only have I sinned..."  All of our sin, is ultimately sin against God.  

Understanding this concept is important in conquering addictions and compulsions.  Pray, asking God to show you that when you sin, you are sinning against Him and involving Jesus in your sin.  Ask God to have His Holy Spirit prompt you, when you start entertaining sinful thoughts, to remember that you will be sinning against Him and involving Jesus in sinfulness.  

BE HOLY
BE A MAN


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Marriage Hacks:   Free e-book

8/11/2014

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Marriage is an increasingly unnatural and confusing thing for many couples today. In light of this, Tyler Ward—author of Marriage Rebranded—recently asked 25 leaders for their single best marriage advice. The level of insight and wisdom he received is guaranteed to help many navigate this uniquely beautiful relationship called marriage.

Marriage Hacks is a compilation of the best marriage advice from 25 leaders including:
  • • Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages
  • • William Paul Young, The Shack
  • • Gary Thomas, Sacred Marriage
  • • Danny Silk, Keep Your Love On
  • • Jeremy Cowart, Celebrity Photographer
  • • Jonathan Jackson, Emmy-Award-Winning Actor
  • • And many more...
The book speaks to some of the most common questions in marriage including...
  • • how to keep things from never going stale
  • • how to handle personality difference
  • • show to cultivate emotional intimacy
  • • how to spice things up in the bedroom
  • • what to do when your spouse isn’t as intentional in your relationship as you are
  • • and more...
If marriage is hard for you at the moment, this read will simply comfort you to know you're not alone.

If marriage is amazing and fruitful, it will help you sustain.

If marriage is confusing, it will offer some insight on this unique union.

If marriage feels pointless, it will add purpose and depth.

To download this free e-book, go to:  http://books.noisetrade.com/tylerward/marriage-hacks



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10 Ways Cyberporn Damages Marriage

7/22/2014

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Here are ten of the leading ways in which a man’s use of Internet pornography can damage marital love, according to Dr. Richard Fitzgibbons of the Institute for Marital Healing:


  1. Growth in narcissism, the major enemy of marital love.
  2. Lack of refinement in self-giving to the romantic aspect of marriage and to the intimate relationship.
  3. Obsession with one’s own pleasure.
  4. Decreased self-giving to one’s spouse.
  5. Diminished communication with one’s spouse and harm to the marital friendship.
  6. Damage to the wife’s ability to trust and then to experience pleasure with her husband.
  7. Marital loneliness, anger and conflicts.
  8. A disordered view of beauty, goodness, the human person and sexuality.
  9. Increased vulnerability to commit adultery.
  10. Marital separation.

This post was written by Dr Fitzgibbons.  For the original post, go to:  http://www.foryourmarriage.org/ten-ways-cyberporn-damages-marriage/

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Greek Uncleanness

4/22/2014

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Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these:  Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness.   

Yesterday we discussed adultery (porneia).  Today, we are going to talk about uncleanness and tomorrow, conclude this three part series on Galatians 5:19 with a look at lasciviousness.

The word uncleanness is the Greek word akatharsia, which is the word kathairowith prefix a added.  The word kathairo means cleansed or pure but when you add the prefix a, the condition is reversed, making the object dirty or unclean.  In the New Testatment, akatharsia refers to lewd or unclean thoughts that eventually produce lewd or unclean actions.  So, there is a strong suggestion that actions begin in the mind as unclean thoughts before they manifest as unclean deeds.

"And there was in the synagogue a man with an unclean spirit..."  The Greek actually says that this man was "gripped by the control of an unclean spirit."  It seems that this man had pondered on lewd thoughts for so long that he had thrown open the door for these to seize and control him.  In this verse the word akatharsia is used.  It implies that a demon found entrance into this man's life because he had committed mental prostitution.  He allowed his mind to dwell on things that were forbidden.

"A man with an unclean spirit met him..."   Here akatharsia is used in describing the man possessed by a legion of demons.  In Mark chapter one and now in chapter five, we have two men who are in the grip of an unclean spirit.  It appears that their demon-possessed condition started with impure, lewd, dirty thoughts, since the Greek word akatharsia is used in both verses.  Did Satan lure them into the pornography of unclean ideas or into adultery, and then build a stronghold of uncleanness so robust in their minds that he was able to eventually cause unclean actions to be manifested in their lives and thus completely control them?

Whatever you give your mind to will eventually be your master.   

Tomorrow, we will discuss the word lasciviousness.

This study is taken from Sparkling Gems from the Greek

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.


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Male sexuality quiz:  Answers

3/21/2014

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Yesterday, we had a quick quiz on nine commons areas of male sexuality.  Today, we are giving the answers.

1.  FALSE.  Some start as early as eleven.  Generally, though it
is between fourteen and seventeen.

2.  FALSE.  Many physical reasons can cause impotence, including hardening of the penile arteries, disease, medication and hormonal fluctuations.

3.  TRUE. Many elderly people report strong sexual interests into old age.

4.  FALSE.  Often psychological reasons (guilt) may inhibit orgasm but so can temporary stress in most men.

5.  FALSE.  Reflex circuits, such as when the bladder is full, can cause nocturnal erections.

6.  TRUE.  Forget about trying an aphrodisiac.  The best love-producer is old-fashioned caring and tenderness.

7.  FALSE.  No evidence supports this belief.  Sex serves many functions but normal sex does not drain energy.

8.  TRUE.  In older men, men with certain physical conditions  or with certain medications, the ejaculant goes into the bladder (retrograde ejaculation) due to the valves not working properly.  The ejaculant is expelled with urine.  There is nothing wrong with this unless the man and his wife are trying to conceive.

9.  TRUE and FALSE.  Men have been known to have heart attacks during sex but also during sleep.  Sex is no more risky than mild exercise but men should get treatment anyway for any heart problem.

Taken from The Sexual Man:  Masculinity without guilt


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Male sexuality quiz

3/20/2014

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Here is a quiz to test your knowledge about male sexuality.   Don't be surprised if you get many of the answers wrong.  You're in good company, because many studies have shown that the average person knows little about sexuality and even less about male sexuality.

Answer True or False to the following questions:

1.  The earliest age at which the average male adolescent has sexual intercourse is fourteen.

2.  Impotence, or difficulty sustaining an erection, is always psychological in origin.

3.  Sexual desire and sexual activity in the male often extend well into old age.

4.  A man's failure to achieve orgasm is a sign of dysfunction.

5.  When a man experiences an erection while sleeping it is because he is having a sexual dream.

6.  There is no food or drink that is especially effective as an aphrodisiac.

7.  Sex the night before a sports event will drain an athlete's energy.

8.  A man can reach orgasm without ejaculating.

9.  Sexual intercourse is dangerous for a man who has had a heart attack.

Tomorrow we will discuss the answers.

Taken from The Sexual Man:  Masculinity without guilt


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    December 2012
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IRONSTRIKES

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