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8 Characteristics of a healthy person

4/2/2014

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1. Does the person constantly compare himself or herself to others?

Theodore Roosevelt is attributed to saying, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Emotionally unhealthy people compare themselves to others, think the grass is always greener, and even resent others’ success. In contrast, emotionally healthy people are content with what God has given them, confident that God has perfectly equipped them for what He has called them to do, and can celebrate the success of others.



2. Does the person have a victim mentality?

Emotionally unhealthy people keep company with people who bring them down and then blame everyone else when their life isn’t how they want it to be. Conversely, emotionally healthy people don’t act as though the world owes them anything. They don’t waste their time having pity parties or feeling sorry for themselves.

3. Do you hear about forgiveness when talking to this person?

Closely related to number 2, emotionally healthy people don’t hold grudges. They know that harbored anger and resentment will imprison them and affect every aspect of their lives. Emotionally healthy people don’t dwell on the past or obsess about a time someone hurt them.

4. Does this person need to be the center of attention?

Ever been around that person who is needy for attention or constant affirmation? It’s just a guess, but that person probably has some deep insecurity with which they need to deal.

Emotionally healthy persons don’t need or demand recognition. In fact, the most successful people I’ve ever been around almost refuse to let the conversation become about them. They ask about others in the room. They give credit to others. They believe in themselves and “do their own thing,” not needing to fit in or craving affirmation.

5. Can this person say “no”?

Over committing yourself may be a sign that you think you’re superman or that you want others to think you are. If someone can’t say no, they are probably too worried about what everyone else thinks of them. And if someone is too fixated on pleasing others, they may not be emotionally healthy. Likewise, over committing yourself might mean that you’re placing a higher priority on work than on your family/home life.

6. Is this person high on the “drama meter”?

“And the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus” (Phil 4:7). A firm trust in the goodness of God gives a deep peace that makes one relatively unfazed by change, daily stressors, worries, and tough situations.

Emotionally healthy people don’t have knee-jerk emotional reactions to change or get worked up about things that they can’t control.

7. Does the person have a record of giving back and giving his or her all?

Emotionally unhealthy people hoard their time, talents, and even love. Emotionally healthy people have a spirit of servanthood and give of themselves. Emotionally unhealthy people are afraid to try hard because they might fail. Emotionally healthy people give their all regardless of what they might get in return or what the outcome might be. And if they do fail, are hurt, or are rejected, they don’t give up or begin to withhold their gifts. They continue to give back and give everything they’ve got.

8. Does this person know that joy is a choice?

When Walt Disney said, “Happiness is a state of mind,” he was on to something. Emotionally healthy people know that they have control of their attitude and their responses to situations.

Listen for persons choosing to live out all of the fruit of the spirit, which are clear determiners of emotional and spiritual health: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

This post was taken from the Vanderbloemen Search Group.  You can find out more at:  http://vanderbloemen.com/insights/8-ways-to-spot-emotionally-elite-candidates

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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Affair proofing your marriage

6/13/2013

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We've spent the last two days discussing how affairs happen and the fallout to having an affair.  Today, we will make a few pointers about fighting the temptation to stray from our marriages and families:

1.  Build the marriage relationship - Communication is the key here.  Staying in touch with each other's feelings, pressures and tensions will keep you focused on where your relationship needs work.  Caring enough to meet these mutual needs in your marriage will help make your relationship a meaningful one in which to be involved.  This kind of communication takes time.  Make time for each other.

2.  The affair process.  Read thru again the 12-step affair process.  Then read it with your spouse.  Come to mutual agreements about how to relate to the opposite sex.  The most important idea to remember is that all sin starts in the mind.  If we control it there, it cannot grow.  Turn your sexual fantasies toward your marriage.  Control your thoughts.  Pray for good dreams.  God will help you manage this sexual dimension in your life.

3.  Walk with God together.  Be regular in fellowship with Christians.  Be regular in worship.  Be regular in your devotional life.  Pray together as a couple.  Go to meetings for men at your church.  Men need to have a place where they can discuss openly and honestly with other men about the tensions and problems they encounter in life.  Find a place of ministry in your church.  Talk to your pastor, let him know your weaknesses and have him pray for you.  

4.  Count the cost.  It helps us to keep our heads in the real world if we think about the consequences of infidelity.  Think about how quickly your credibility and Christian witness would be compromised.  Don't think temptation will never happen to you.  No one is immune.  Think about the fact that sin grieves our Lord.  Think about how much it would hurt your wife, kids, parents, and in-laws.  Even though thinking of the consequences of our sin can help us resist temptation, we are only truly moral in a biblical sense when we refuse to sin primarily out of our love for God.

Our goal in developing moral character is to get to the place where we act faithfully and consistently simply because to do otherwise would bring harm to the person and cause of the God we love.

Only a real and lasting love for God will guard and buttress our fight against the enemy.  

This information is taken from TEMPTATIONS MEN FACE

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.


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Victoria's Secret model regrets modeling lingerie

6/5/2013

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Kylie Bisutti hit the big time at the tender age of 19 when she beat out 10,000 bikini beauties to win the 2009 Victoria’s Secret Model Search. So why was Bisutti nowhere to be seen during last year’s Victoria’s Secret runway extravaganza?

“Victoria's Secret was my absolutely biggest goal in life, and it was all I ever wanted career-wise. I actually loved it while I was there, it was so much fun and I had a blast. But the more I was modeling lingerie, and lingerie isn't clothing, I just started becoming more uncomfortable with it because of my faith,” Bisutti told FOX411’s Pop Tarts column. “I'm Christian, and reading the Bible more, I was becoming more convicted about it.”

The California native, now 21, said that in the wake of baring her body as an Angel, she was also hosting parties, posing for men’s magazines, and craving more and more attention. 

But she was not feeling good about herself.

“My body should only be for my husband and it's just a sacred thing," said Bisutti, who had gotten married just before winning the 2009 modeling competition. "I didn't really want to be that kind of role model for younger girls because I had a lot of younger Christian girls that were looking up to me and then thinking that it was okay for them to walk around and show their bodies in lingerie to guys.

“It was pretty crazy because I finally achieved my biggest dream, the dream that I always wanted, but when I finally got it, it wasn't all that I thought it would be. Especially being married I just wanted to keep my marriage sacred because divorce rates now in America are pretty high, and I just want to do everything I can to keep my marriage special.”

However, Bisutti hasn't left the entertainment industry entirely, just the posing in underwear part. She appears with Jennifer Lopez in a new Kohl’s commercial, and she'll be working on a new show set to air on the CW channel in September. Bisutti says she's glad she made her career shift, before it was too late. 

“It is a very hard industry to be in without falling into things you don't want to do," she said. "I've fallen into many things that I wouldn't have wanted to do, it's a very tempting industry.”

“My goal is just to be a better role model for the youth, I just want them to see me as somebody that they can look up to and somebody that's going to be dressing appropriately and I'm not going to get into things that I wouldn't want them to be getting into,” she added. “I want to go over the top because I don't think enough people go over the top about how serious all this is.  I just want people to see something different about me because I have that faith and I think it's so important for everyone to have.”

For the original post go to: http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2012/02/02/kylie-bisutti-left-lingerie-modeling-because-it-didnt-mesh-with-her-christian/#ixzz2U1fXrbSy


BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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A young mother's anger about porn

4/3/2013

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I was giving the little girls a bath and wanted to capture an incredibly sweet moment that included two soapy, naked posteriors, but I hesitated. My smartphone was sitting next to me but I was reluctant to take the picture. Even though I knew it would put a smile on my mom’s face I struggled with the thought of texting it. During those few seconds of internal dialogue the moment passed, the girls resumed splashing about, and I felt tremendously cheated.

Why had I hesitated? Because I don’t want CPS banging on my door accusing me of taking pornographic pictures of my children. Because the world, hyper-sexualed and without boundaries, now judges the motivations of parents who take innocent photos of their own children.

It wasn’t supposed to be this way. What we have allowed in the name of freedom has now become our unraveling. As a society we have compromised our principles for social acceptance and political correctness and I fear we have lost the spirit of liberty which prompted us to freedom so many years ago. We are steeped in a quagmire, shackled and enslaved to an ideology that freedom includes anything that is morally corrupt-even if it means we become morally bankrupt.

At some point we, as a society, decided that pornography was acceptable and went so far as to label it part of the feminist movement. Women made the choice to take their clothes off for magazines under the guise of empowerment. The game became redefining pornography to promote sexuality, power and control in an effort to demonstrate that women were on equal footing with men. Instead of balking at the blatant objectification of young girls and women, a generation brazenly celebrated by mass producing pornographic material resulting in an unstoppable billion dollar industry. And eventually, like sin does, it permeates and creeps into the culture. It spreads like cancer, quietly at first until one day you open a magazine to find perfume advertised by a barely clothed, underaged model and provocative, sexually explicit commercials on the television. Pornographic images have been so quickly ingrained in the fabric of our society that we only flinch when it is egregious or an insult to our normally tolerant sensibilities. The line has been crossed so frequently  that what was once immodest is now mainstream-all in the name of progress. And the ugliest side of porn, besides the world wide degradation of women, is the rampant, surging subculture of child pornography. While not new, child pornography, with the help of technology, flourished right alongside Hustler, Penthouse and Playboy.

I believe we are so desensitized to our overtly sexual world that we have forgotten why there were social boundaries in the first place. For the life of me I can’t understand how a woman ever came to believe that becoming the object of a man’s lustful and fleshly desires somehow made her life more equal or fair. That an entire generation decided that taking on the supposed promiscuous behavior of the opposite sex thinking it would create an environment of liberation is lunacy.

Pornography is steeped in sin. It is ugly, it is degrading and it destroys families. It doesn’t just affect the reader, watcher or partaker. It perpetuates an emotional disconnect. It feeds escapism and burdens the soul with reckless addiction. Pornography, whether splashed on a billboard advertisement or on the movie screen, has helped drown our nation in darkness.

So what have we done about it-this plague infecting our children, marriages and our families? We’ve turned around and pointed the finger at innocence. We demonize and scream in disgust at breastfeeding in public and naked pictures of babies because everything has become tarnished by sex. Instead of denouncing pornography we hold everything to it’s standard. We have actually begun using pornography as a litmus test for what is truly innocent or pure. You take a picture of your one year old in her birthday suit and a  conclusion can be drawn that the picture is too sexual in nature. Why? Because we’ve lost our perspective on the beautiful creation of the human body and it’s function. We can not see past our sexualized filter even though families have been needlessly ripped apart for such things.

So, yeah. Pornography pisses me off. It’s warped our perspective and it stopped me from capturing a moment that was sweet and meant to be cherished. We may have freedom of speech in this country but we also have the freedom to refuse to patronize any industry, product or organization that promotes, sells or distributes porn. We have a responsibility to our children to unequivocally reject pornography.

Decency needs to be taught, it needs to be valued and it needs to trump perversion. The next generation depends on it…



This post is written by April Cao.  You can find this post on her blog here:  http://theconservativeparent.com/why-pornography-pisses-me-off/

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Dad - Love your daughter 

3/7/2013

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Dads. You may not have noticed but your daughter just left the house wearing tight, stretchy pants with the word “Juicy” emblazoned across her backside. And yes. She bought them with the money you gave her for school lunches, allowance or back to school clothes. Congratulations. You are now the official sponsor of your teenage daughter’s butt.

So what are your options? You can either:
A) ask her to change and be ready to stand your ground or
B) ignore and hope that every red blooded male she walks in front of doesn’t try to read her nether region.

If you decide to give this one a pass, because the word itself seems benign or not sexual in nature, think about the lesson you are teaching your little girl. She is wearing a piece of clothing that attracts attention to a part of the body that is highly sexualized. Beyonce and J Lo gave the butt it’s come-back and your daughter is now a part of the home-town tour. How does it feel to know that men are staring at your thirteen year old’s rear end? If you don’t have a natural inclination to grab a shotgun right now your denial is worse than I thought. And what about the pedophile lurking at the mall. Your angel, the one you promised to protect the minute she drew breath, has now captured the unwanted attention of your local pervert. If you don’t think your community has them, please don’t hesitate to consult any number of online sites in which you can have instant access to sex offenders in your area. I would start here and here. They are everywhere and now have a front row seat to your daughter’s main attraction.

It’s not just the pants. It’s the shirts that have a shoulder exposed and the skirt that looks like a napkin. It’s the teeny bikini and short shorts that all scream LOOK AT ME! I’M SEXY AND I KNOW IT! It is a silent invitation to make your daughter boy-bate yet you quietly acquiesce. You can’t make her change, right? All of her friends wear glittery half shirts that say I’M HOT so if everyone else is doing it….It’s just how kids are these days. What’s a dad to do? The truth is you stopped being the boss of her a long time ago and now just hope she doesn’t fight curfew and really doesn’t wear makeup at school. And maybe deep down, not knowing what’s going on with her is a little bit easier when your head hits the pillow at night.

Wake up, dad.

Our daughters need to understand that they are valued because of what they hold in their hearts. They must be encouraged to dress in a way that keeps attention on their beautiful faces so that their audience can focus on their words. And I bet you think she’s got some pretty important things to say; things that make you proud that she’s your girl. Teach her that her opinions matter. That she is more than what she wears and certainly she means more to you than what her peers think. Tell her that you love her enough to ask her to be different. When all of her friends wonder why she’s the only one wearing a one piece bathing suit at the pool, she can be confident that you have her best interest at heart. It may not be easy but does it matter if it’s right? She may struggle when she doesn’t get the same attention from the boys but you’ll teach her that that kind of attention isn’t about liking her for who she is. It’s about objectifying her outside without consideration for her inside. You’ll remind her that she is to be respected, that her body is a gift and should be treated as such. It will be important to remind her that she is loved.

She needs to know that she is loved by you.

When was the last time you hugged your baby girl? I mean really, truly held her so that she felt your heart beat. I know. She wears a bra now and rolls her eyes when you make a joke. She’s way cooler than you are and none of her friend’s dads bother them with hugs and kisses. They leave them alone to text and IM and don’t try to disengage the cell phone that has suddenly become an additional limb. Your daughter still needs to be held. She may be screaming for independence but she is still a child and needs to be protected and held within arms length. Giving her space and giving her free reign are two different things.

Have you grabbed her for a quick trip to the store or brought her flowers just because? Did you make a date to take her to a movie. When was the last time you left a note on her bathroom mirror reminding her that she was the best thing you’ve ever done. Ever. When she disappointed you did you in turn tell her that you know she’ll make the right choice next time. Did you cancel that conference to make sure you made her soccer tryouts. She learned to kick a ball because of you and wants you to think she’s as good as you are.

Talk to her. Don’t worry about being her friend. Just be. Let her know that you are available and a good listener. Ask her questions that have more to do with how her day was. Be prepared to engage even when the days seem to run together and time is short. Know her friends, her interests and her aspirations. Don’t rely on your wife to be the only one emotionally connected to your children-especially your daughters-and don’t leave it to her friends and classmates to be the singular voice of reason about all things life related.

You are the first man she will love. You hold the key to her heart long before she marries and has her own children. She will make choices because of the father you have decided to be. Your little girl needs your love, compassion and affection and if you do not give it to her, if you withhold it from her because she seems to no longer need you, she will seek that closeness from someone else. Someone who may not value her. Who may not care about the goodness in her and exploit her need to be held, to be cared for, to feel wanted.

You may not have until tomorrow to become the father she deserves. A sweet talking, smooth walking, four-years-her-senior-and-brags-about-his-conquests kinda boy may already be charming his way into her heart. And once he’s in, that means you’re out. It could be a group of friends that skip school because togetherness feels good. And so does smoking a joint and blowing off final exams. All because they made her feel connected and welcome-a part of a chosen family that sticks together and looks out for one another. If you lose her it will be a fight to get her back. The pole is shiny. The pole is escape and acceptance rolled up in pretty lies.

I married a man like my father. My father told me I could be anything. He kissed the top of my head and hugged me even when I didn’t want him to. He showed up and cheered me on. He was fiercely protective and horribly intrusive when I needed my privacy. I could not get away with much and in the end, trying wasn’t worth the look of disappointment on his face, so I stayed out of trouble. So when it came time to fall in love and take a husband I chose what I knew. Someone who loved me to the end of the moon and back. Someone who was protective, caring and respectful. A man who would hug me even when I was not my best. I chose love because I had been loved in a way that gave me a sense of value and I hope you’ll do the same.

Because she’s worth it.


This post was written by April Cao.  You can find the original post here:  http://theconservativeparent.com/?p=171

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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Temptation at Victoria's Secret

3/4/2013

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Early in our marriage, we would receive Victoria's Secret catalogs in the mail.  Even back then, these catalogs were pornography.  They've only gotten worse.  

Nevertheless, I told Karyn about the draw those catalogs had for me and I asked her to not have those in the house, especially since we were raising boys.

By starving my eyes from those catalogs, they came to the point of having less attraction for me.  Over time, by telling Karyn about the things that turned me on, she was able to help me.  We would talk about those things that were tempting.  It was liberating to tell her and she would continue to love me and shield me from those things that held my attraction.  

After the boys were raised, I accompanied her to a Victoria's Secret store where she was trying on some clothes.  Being the dutiful husband, I went with her.  I thought, "I've gotten past that Victoria's Secret temptation.  I can handle this now."  

While I was sitting there, minding my own business and trying not to look at the images of scantily clad women on the walls, a very attractive young lady walked up to me and started talking to me.  I was polite and talked with her.  Then another attractive young lady and then another.  Before I knew it, I was surrounded by three very attractive young ladies.


Well, my ego got the best of me.  I started thinking, "these girls think I'm hot.  They're talking to me because they really like me."  I found myself paying more attention to them while they were flirting with me (or I thought they were flirting with me).  Then it hit me.  "What in the world am I doing?  I'm almost old enough to be these young ladies' father!"  Then Karyn came out of the dressing room and paid for some clothes she was buying.  

When we got outside, I confessed to Karyn what had happened.  She simply said, "of course those sales clerks were talking to you, you're safe.  You're much older than them.  The longer you stay in the store, the more likely I will buy something."  Well, I'll tell you, my ego was instantly deflated.  We continued our conversation and Karyn said that the clerks were occupying me so that she would spend more time shopping.  

Why do I share this story with you?  

Well I learned a few things about temptation:

- I said to myself before going into the store, "I can handle this."  God says, "So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall."  Knowing this was a past temptation, it would have been wise to ask God for strength before entering.  It might have been better to just not go into that store.

- I have a big ego and I need to keep it in check.  "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."   If I stay humble, God will give me more grace.

- Temptation changes.  I thought that I had the sin of lust conquered.  However, this temptation played into something different.  I was on my guard for lust but not on guard for my ego.  

- My ego got in the way of my ability to think clearly.  These young ladies were just doing what they had been taught.  "Keep the hubby happy and his wife will buy more stuff."  I was being played and never realized it.

So, my conclusion, my goal of this post is this:

Do you let your ego go unchecked? 
 
Do you humble yourself so that God can give you more grace?

If you think that you have temptation conquered, get ready.  You will find yourself tempted in ways that you haven't been considering.


BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.


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Chastity vs Virginity

2/27/2013

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The summer after the sixth grade I went to one of those Christian summer camps, one with workshops on various topics throughout the week. On one of the days there was a workshop on relationships, a.k.a. the sex talk day (strange how the two are often seen as the same thing in Christian circles).

The speaker decided to begin the talk with an illustration. He pulled out a rookie Michael Jordan basketball card worth about a $1000 and asked if anyone wanted it. Every hand went up, including mine.

Now, I was not a huge basketball fan or really much into sports cards (I had a few that had been given to me), but there was one athlete I really liked: Michael Jordan. In fact, my favorite basketball card was of another player just because it had half of Michael Jordan in the picture on the front. I had no interest in selling the card; I just really wanted a card of my favorite player. But just my luck, another boy was called up to receive the card.

Just as the boy reached the front, the speaker addressed the audience, “I am going to give this to you, but let me just take a little for myself first.” He took the card and ripped a small piece off from the corner before handing the rest of the card to the boy.

As most know, this completely destroyed the economic value of that $1000 basketball card. The young boy, saddened by the lost of his prize, returned to his seat. The speaker went on to talk about the importance of our virginities. No matter what else he said, the message of his illustration was clear: if you lose your virginity, you are worthless.

This is the message about sexuality that pervades Christian culture. Youth are told that the key to maintaining one’s purity is preserving one’s virginity until marriage. Growing up, we are supposed to pray for our future spouse, that he or she might “keep pure,” for the highest good is that both are virgins on that special wedding night.

Our virginity is a gift that should be presented, unstained, to our husband or wife, because “wouldn’t it be sad if you didn’t have that gift to give?” And this issue is even a bigger deal for women, whose virginity is so strangely tied to self-worth. Indeed, in the not so distant past, a woman’s virginity was considered her virtue.

But there is something seriously wrong with this view of sexuality. First of all, there is a problem with the idea of virginity at all. Virginity, the state of never having had sex, is something that once lost can never, by definition, be restored.

However, Christians hold the belief that Christ redeems all things. Therefore, if something cannot be redeemed, it is not a thing, at least not in a Christian’s understanding. So, virginity has no value since Christ’s complete redemption will not restore it. It has no consequence to the life of a Christian. How could it, it stands in total opposition to a gospel that speaks of forgiveness and new birth?

There are no permanent marks in the Christian faith save the wounds of Our Savior. How could the loss of virginity ever contend with the nail marks in his hands or the spear piecing in his side?

What is more, virginity is a legalistic concept. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard the question, “Am I still a virgin if we only…?” There is constantly a questioning of how far is too far before one’s virginity is lost. And there has to be: anything that so absolutely and incurably separates the innocent from the “slut” has to be legalistic.

But does not God look at the heart, at the intention that causes the action? Virginity pays no heed to intentions, and so it cannot really be a marker of holiness. It can only be a cause of pride for the one who has and shame for the one who does not. This is why virginity is simply not important.

But, one might argue, if we don’t think of virginity as important then we will all engage in promiscuity. There is a flaw in that thinking: virginity is not the opposite of sexual promiscuity, chastity is. Chastity is the virtue of turning one’s sexuality towards love. It is a holistic virtue that actively seeks to bring the full sexual dimension of one’s being into self-giving love. Chastity can, if lost, be fully restored just like honesty, courage, and all other virtues. The loss of chastity leaves no permanent stains.

With chastity we need no longer be concerned with absurd and hurtful questions such as, “Am I still a virgin if I am raped?” Your chastity can never be stolen from you, for it is something you actively do. Your chastity is a declaration of love, not a history of past actions.

God has not given you your sexuality to be a burden that you fearfully hope to guard against any taint until you can get to marriage. Instead, God has given your sexuality to you so that you might more fully give yourself in love.

Understanding chastity, it is clear that it is wrong to use our sexuality for selfishness. That is why sex can only be truly loving within marriage, for only within marriage can one’s sexuality be given totally, freely, fruitfully, and faithfully in sex. In this way chastity, unlike virginity, should be preserved even within marriage. Whether married or unmarried, we are all called to direct our sexualities towards love, but only in marriage can this self-giving truly manifest itself in the act of sex.

It is this understanding of the meaning of our sexualities that not only speaks of love but of grace as well, that helps us move beyond the shame and guilt that is brought by seeing our sexualities through the lens of virginity. Our identity should not be in our sexual histories. We should not strive to be virgins until married, as though we trade one identity for another. Rather, we should find our identity in being lovers loved by God, in which chastity is one part of the love we express for all creation and its Creator.

As I left that auditorium after the talk on “relationships” that day, I looked down one of the aisles. On the floor lay that Michael Jordan rookie card, crumpled and ripped, left for the trash. What value could that boy see in it when society told him it was now worthless? I almost walked over and picked it up – it was still a Michael Jordan card after all – but I noticed other kids standing behind me and got embarrassed. How I wish I had picked up that card that day! I have long since gotten rid of all my other sports cards, but that card would have stayed with me. It would have stood as a testament to the redemptive work of Christ who restores all things.

For it is Christ who makes us completely whole again that we might love fully without shame. This is why virginity is not important, but chastity is: because in Christ the old has gone, the new has come, we are a new creation, created in Christ Jesus to give ourselves in love as he did. That is our identity. That is what really matters.

This post was written by Stephen Kenyon of George Fox Universtiy.  For the original article, go to:  http://www.gfucrescent.com/why-virginity-is-not-important-but-chastity-is/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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Rules or Love

2/14/2013

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There once was a couple who loved each other very, very much.

They loved each other so much, in fact, that every act of kindness, every gesture of service, was considered pure privilege. Whichever one of them woke up first would cook breakfast for the one who slept longer; they would surprise each other with gifts, small tokens of affection that were monetarily valueless but sentimentally priceless because they were laden with meaning; and they would tell each other constantly how much they loved each other, mainly because they just couldn't keep it in.

Over time, however, the relationship became a series of behaviors. They would still cook breakfast for each other, but only because breakfast was now the responsibility of whomever woke up first. They would still surprise each other with gifts, but only because the absence of gifts would have broken a long-standing tradition. And they still told each other how much they loved each other, but only because they had trained themselves in the vocabulary of love. The actions were the same; the motivation had subtly, drastically changed.

During those first years of their relationship, the couple overflowed with life. The latter years, however, were a slow, daily death. A kind of love was still there, but all the affection was gone. As soon as their acts of love became a to-do list rather than an overflow of desire, the shell of the relationship hardened and the inner joy gradually, achingly seeped away.

How Love Fades


Love turns to ritual quickly. The spontaneity and affection that fill a relationship with life can become rote behaviors almost overnight. Whenever we want to recapture those early exhilarating feelings, we do the things that accompanied them, assuming that the actions will spark the emotions again. But they don't. In all matters of love, actions are only a product, never a producer, of how we really feel.

This dynamic is apparent all too often, widely observable in cinema, literature and, sadly, in the firsthand experience of many. Every married couple, presumably, has at least occasionally wavered between form and feeling, trying to manufacture the former in hopes of cultivating the latter. But manufacturing form usually doesn't work. Love has to be felt.

That's the way it is in our relationship with God too. I know that doesn't jibe with most definitions of "agape," that ideal form of biblical love allegedly based entirely on fact and never on emotion. But try bringing that kind of love into any relationship that matters. Would your children be glad to know you're fulfilling your parental duties in spite of your lack of feelings for them? How about your husband or wife being content with your explanation that though the feelings have gone, the commitment to honor the piece of paper that says you're married remains? No, I didn't think so.

The fact is that the Christian life can degenerate into a set of rules suddenly and imperceptibly. There's nothing wrong with rules; they're great when the heart just isn't in it anymore and you need a temporary framework. But they're always remedial. As a long-term norm and the basis of a relationship, they drain us of life. The answer is to have the heart fixed.

That's what the Christian life is all about. It's a heart issue. The Holy Spirit didn't come into us to teach us which rules to obey—"the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life" (2 Corinthians 3:6). He inhabits us for an entirely different reason: unbridled, passionate love. The kind that serves because serving is a privilege, that fulfills rules even when unaware that there were rules to fulfill. The kind that gets up and cooks breakfast for the beloved. The kind that gives gifts because giving is what naturally happens. The kind that declares and demonstrates "I love you" constantly because the love just can't be contained.

Does that accurately describe your Christian life? Yeah, mine either. Oh, sometimes that kind of love is there, and it's incredible when it is. But as a pattern, we substitute obedience to form over a natural response to passion. And it's a slow, aching death. If we're not exuberantly in love with God, we're missing the essence of the Christian life.

When that's the case, what's the solution? Pardon my lack of conventionality, but the answer isn't a recommitment. Neither is it a deeper resolve or an increase in the spiritual disciplines. Not to criticize, but I've found that those things only accelerate the death of desire in a relationship. They don't make the heart beat faster. They do nothing to rekindle love.

How Love Returns


Rekindling love is all about spontaneity, adventure, passion, and pleasure. It certainly doesn't violate the character of the other person—God forbid, as in this case the other person is actually God—but it does recognize the true nature of the new heart. Rekindling love begins by understanding that God is a romantic in love with His bride.

Some generations would blush at such a notion—or worse yet, condemn it—but God makes it very, very clear in His Word. He portrays Himself as a lover in the Song of Songs and a jealous husband in the Law, the prophets, and the parables of Jesus. Are we, like most insensitive spouses, completely unable to take a hint?

If your faith is in need of revitalization, imagine what advice you'd give to the couple in the first four paragraphs. How should they get the sparks flying again? Would you tell them to focus more on the fact that they were married? Or would you encourage them to go away together, to spend some time rekindling the flame that was once there? Whichever advice you would give them, turn around and give it to yourself.

God's heart of love is not a sterile heart. He approaches you with enthusiasm and desire. If you return His passion with formulaic living, the Romantic is sadly, seriously disappointed. If you return His passion with passion, the Romantic is thrillingly, gloriously... well, wildly in love with His beloved. A relationship defined by such love is never defined by the rules within it. And it is never, ever unsatisfying.

This post was written by Chris Tiegreen.  You can find the original post at:  http://www.walkthru.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=1048&Itemid=559

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.


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Top Five Reasons to Grow Up and Get Married

2/12/2013

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I’m pro-marriage. I always have been, always will be and I’ll make no apologies for it. As a matter of fact, most of you should be apologizing to me. Yeah, I said it. Whether you're one with a successful marriage who's remained silent on its myriad virtues, or merely a single, lonely critic... America, you've got some 'splaining to do.

Sadly, marriage has become a punchline in today’s society. From referring to the wife as “the old ball and chain” to nearly every poorly written sitcom that we watch, the message we’re sending to today’s generation is clear… Marriage = no fun.

Men on TV constantly joke about how wives are incredibly expensive, demanding and overall vacuums of all things fun. By that same token, the women complain about their fat, lazy, insensitive husbands as they swoon over their trimmed, manicured and chest-waxed Hollywood counterparts.

Ever see a commercial with a wife and husband shopping together? Yeah, we always play the idiot.

I know plenty of people my age that will never get married because they genuinely believe the false cultural meme that marriage has sadly become. There’s only one problem. It’s completely untrue.

Even more of a problem, those who know it to be untrue often do nothing to correct the lie.

As someone who comes from a family of lifers (along with my wife), I just want to say, flat out…

… Marriage is a really good deal.

Let’s assume for a second that you don’t think of humans as inherently spiritual beings. So let’s remove the fact that married people claim to be happier, more fulfilled, complete and purposeful. Some of you are even thinking,

“Love? Who needs love!”

Okay. Here are a few purely statistical reasons as to why marriage (when done correctly) is conducive to an undeniably better life. Hold onto your butts.

1. You’ll be richer – Yes. Not only do married couples make more, save more, have a higher net worth and qualify for more benefits/financial incentives than lonely, single folk… but your kids will be richer too. Which brings me to my next point

2. Would somebody please think of the children!! – The single biggest indicator of child poverty is whether both original parents are still together. Not only that, but children in married households get better grades, are less disruptive in class and less likely to develop behavioral disorders than children from non-married households. So be married long and prosper. Your kids will too.

3. You’ll have more sex… A LOT MORE SEX – Okay so you may not want kids. You may despise them. I get it. Sticky hands. Let’s say you’re just another selfish, narcissistic bachelor (or bachelorette) who quite frankly, isn’t deserving of the unconditional love you may oh-so-luckily find. You just want the sex. Statistically, not only do married people have more sex, they have better, more satisfying sex. If the two of you should hold off on sex until marriage, those statistics become even more promising. Here’s a perfect example of where Hollywood gets it wrong. In the real world, while Alfie fruitlessly toiled away at picking up harlots from the bar, suffering a mean case of whiskey-wiener, Mr. Cleaver was getting busy on the regular. Them’s the real breaks.

4. You won’t be such a pathetic sloth – Married people are more productive. Married men in particular, have higher employment rates, work longer hours and receive better wages. It’s time to stop wading through puddles of your own filth as you reach for the hotpockets and have a dame whip you into shape. You’re welcome.

5. Don’t die sick, miserable and alone. This would seem to be self-explanatory. Sadly, it’s not. Young people think that being young and single is the “fun and free” time of your life, while marriage is something that can wait for the days when you’re ready to grow fat, boring and settle down. Married people not only live longer lives, they live healthier lives. There are too many factors at play here to even list. From married people statistically maintaining healthier weights, being more active and having lower mortality rates, to married women incurring less severe illnesses, enjoying better cancer survival rates and of course… lower rates of domestic abuse (as opposed to those merely cohabitating). Yes ladies, it’s true, living with an uncommitted, self-absorbed jackass can be hazardous to your health.

All of this to basically say that people need to start being more honest and vocal about the virtues of marriage. Americans need to stop feeding and buying into the lie that we’ve all been fed. Whether you’re young old, male, female, marriage (when done correctly) will make your life, and this country better off. The facts are undeniable. If the facts aren’t enough, maybe this’ll help…

Picture coming home every night to your best friend, your greatest fan, and your number one supporter. She (or he) makes each good day better, and each bad day good again. Every day, you get to live what is essentially a 24/7 sleepover party with the greatest friend you’ve ever had.

… Now add sex and sandwiches.

Get married, like, now.

This post was written by Steve Crowder.  For the original post, go to:  http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2013/01/26/man-top-5-reasons-to-grow-up-and-get-married/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.


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Free condoms for kids makes parents lucky

11/7/2012

1 Comment

 
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The Condom Access Project is an initiative funded by California taxpayers that mails free condoms to kids as young as twelve years old. In a valiant effort to decrease rising rates of pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, this is the foolproof solution that the geniuses at the California Family Health Council came up with. All your twelve-year-old daughter has to do is go to a website and complete an online form. Then this über-helpful agency will mail her a completely free ten-pack of condoms (along with some lubricant and sex-ed literature, of course) in a plain yellow envelope. 

Thank you, Condom Access Project! It’s always been so uncomfortable and awkward for us parents. It’s so wonderful that you can be there to step in and fill the gap for us. 

So there you have it, parents! You no longer have to face the drudgery of teaching your kids about sex! You don’t need to instill values! Why bother passing on God’s view of sex to your kids? Why, when it’s so much easier to just let the already-broke government ship your teenager a box of assorted condoms with a little K-Y®?!? 

You know what? I honestly do understand the logic behind this idea. I get it. Kids will be kids. I get that kids are going to have sex. (In fact, statistically, a lot of them are going to.) And I get that if they’re going to have sex anyway, it seems to make perfect sense that we’d want to protect them from unwanted pregnancies and STDs. We could even make the argument that we’re teaching them how to enjoy “consequence-free” sex. 

Or.....… 

Maybe we could simply revisit that very most primitive and outdated of irrelevant sex prevention programs—you know, that one where moms and dads actually have “the sex talk” with their own kids? You’ve heard of this one. It’s that same program where dads step through the awkwardness and just go ahead and lead their sons in purity by example. There’s also another component where parents teach their daughters about purity, dignity, self-respect, honor, integrity, and just plain, old-fashioned class. It’s where moms and dads actually assume the role of “Mom” and “Dad,” taking the time to talk plainly with their kids, addressing tough subjects like boundaries, love, commitment, foreplay, sex, orgasm, and where all of these things fit into the much bigger picture of how we live out our faith in a way that doesn’t just show us how to honor each other…but it also brings glory to God. 

But I’m kind of old school that way. 

This post was taken from the booklet Sex, Lust and XXX:  Fighting for your kids' purity in a sex saturated world. 

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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