Too often, people inside the church are looked at as people who put on a great front on Sundays. These people may go to work, school, or other places of business and show no signs of faith in the world. To some, faith in God is a hobby that is celebrated and exercised at church. This, at least, it what seems to be the case. This seems logical, but it may be a false assumption for many. Looking deeper into the life of a Christian who behaves in this way may provide a broader explanation about the imbalance of their faith and behavior.

What I have found is that there are many who come to church and love being there because it is the only time during the week in which they can find encouragement, positive attitudes, and a safe place to escape from life. It is a controlled environment where they can be themselves, be taught, and celebrate. They don’t have to be an employee, ex-spouse, or the prey of a creditor…they can just… be. These people come to church with wounds, addictions, hurts, no money, evil self talk (lies that they tell themselves), and the night before they just had a terrible fight with a family member. This person comes to church to be distracted.

What if we as Christians, and regular church attenders, understood this about those participating in worship each week? We have been there. We know there is hope. Our job is to be open to the times in which we can help be a part of this distraction, and to guide people out of their shame and brokenness. We are called to be compassionate, but no one is called to stay broken.

Let’s help lead people away from their hurts, and into healing arms.

The posts this week are written by our pastor in honor of Pastor Appreciation Month.  For the original post, go to:  http://other-words.net/2012/10/18/fixing-our-welcome/

Missionally, churches exist to be a beacon of hope and a safe place for the community. One could look at the church as a spiritual hospital. Those who have wounds can come and their wounds can be bound. What happens, however, when the wounds a person carries was created by a church? I have heard stories of people who flee from churches because of the treatment they received because of their divorce, lifestyle, past, or even because the perception of being “money hungry”.

Let’s face it, churches ask for money regularly. For some, it is a concept that is second nature. Whether it is a bonus check at work, an inheritance, regular pay check, or any other source of income many people choose to give a portion of that money to the church. Others are not used to this idea and are even offended to think that this could possibly be an obligation.

In my other job as an office administrator for a church, I receive 10-15 calls a day asking for money for those who are behind on bills. I also receive the same number of calls from telemarketers wanting to sell me a new service or product that will enhance my life. As a Lead Pastor, I am also approached by people needing help…which I am glad to take part in.

In today’s culture the average Christian gives a little over 2 percent of their income to God’s kingdom (church or other charities).

What’s my point? If the Old Testament legalism says 10 percent, then aren’t we glad that the New Testament was written to get us off the hook? Wait a minute though…if what we learned yesterday is true, and Jesus gives his followers a different standard (care for the widow, orphan etc) then this would mean a different level of responsibility, right? Do you think Christ would say “still continue to trust in God, but not nearly as much as you used to…”?

The church may talk about money a lot…but so does every department store, infomercial, telemarketer, car salesman, shopping mall and magazine ad you come in contact with. Mission shouldn’t need a commercial.

Give extravagantly.

My next post will talk about what I eluded to earlier…a new standard for the way a church should welcome people…people with wounds and imperfections.

The posts this week are written by our pastor in honor of Pastor Appreciation Month.  For the original post, go to:  http://other-words.net/2012/10/16/a-new-standard-pt-2/

As I have read the Bible, I have noticed patterns, themes, and motifs that, when looked at from a “bird’s eye view”, help me to understand the whole of scripture better. Granted, there are things I still do not understand. Many people look at the New Testament as a replacement of the Old Testament. When the Old Testament talks about rules, regulations, bizarre rituals, and even the wrath of God, the New Testament comes as a welcome vacation in which grace, mercy and love take over.

First, it is important to understand that the New Testament was not written as a replacement, but as a narrative of people who lived with Old Testament values. Christ came in the midst of this and redefined these values and gave them redeemed meaning, and even increased the standard concerning many teachings….often these new standards put a heavier responsibility (not more of a burden, but more of a passion for purpose) on the individual, because Jesus was calling his followers to a life of peace, love, hope, and joy….not just meaningless ritual.

In the beatitudes found in the book of Matthew, Jesus preaches a new standard while reminding people of various traditional teachings. For example, an “eye for an eye” (arguably the easier way to proceed) was raised to “love your enemies” (much more difficult). This is the way it is with other Old Testament teachings….when Jesus enters our life; we have a new standard of living…not one born of legalism, but out of love. This carries more responsibility.

If I were to preach, today, about the concept of forgiveness, apathy, or obedience to God in general, many would respond and understand their lives need to be adjusted to live according to God’s plan. IF, however, I were to talk about the concept of MONEY? Well, that would be too personal, and may even make people feel uncomfortable. This essentially indicates that this subject is off limits in the heart and life of the individual. Jesus talks about the heart issues behind giving instead of the exact amount or percentage. Why is this? Perhaps because Jesus knows that a heart that is given completely to him sets a higher standard.

Why is the only entity that offers hope, peace, abundance, and joy not allowed to talk about the substance and attitudes that binds so many people from achieving these things?  

 We will look at this tomorrow…                                                                  

The posts this week are written by our pastor in honor of Pastor Appreciation Month.  For the original post, go to:  http://other-words.net/2012/10/15/a-new-standard-pt-1/

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.

Life involves a lot of hard work. Change and growth take effort. But we are not doing all the work ourselves. God is also at work. God is at our side in the process of healing.

Sometimes, of course, it seems like there is not much for God to work with. We see our diseases and disfunctions clearly and wonder how anything can be made out of this mess. But God is full of surprises. God can turn the most unlikely of events and experiences into opportunities to bring us new life and new hope.

Sometimes life seems like a desert wasteland, desolate, unproductive. We can't imagine that anything can grow here. The conditions are too hostile. It is into just such situations that God comes. In a trackless wilderness, God makes a way. In a parched wasteland, God causes a stream of water to spring up. It is a remarkable thing when God finds a path for us when we are completely lost. It is a remarkable thing when God provides nourishment for us in a wasteland. But God does, time and time again.

God is doing a new thing in us. It may be difficult for us to perceive at first. But little by little, day by day, new life and hope spring up. God can take the pathless wasteland of our lives and grow a garden there.

"Do you see it?" God asks "Can you see how it springs up? It will be a garden some day. It will yield a bountiful harvest."

I am not good at seeing it yet, Lord.
Will I bloom and grow?
Will my desert wasteland see a harvest?
Is there a path for me in this wilderness, Lord.
Are there streams of water here?
Surprise me, Lord.
And change me.
Give me the courage, hope and trust
to change a little today.

Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan
National Association for Christian Recovery

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

Peter is very clear here.  



As husbands we are to:

1.  Be considerate as we live with our wife - Do you put up roadblocks to her happiness and to her success?  Being considerate is thinking about how to make her life better and easier.  Being considerate is acting upon those thoughts.  Consideration is asking, "can I do something for you?" and "is there something you need done?"  Consideration is trying to anticipate her needs and doing them before she asks.  

2.  Treat our wife with respect - Being respectful is treating her like she is the most important person in the world.  Having the niceties that a gentleman displays:  Saying please, thank you, excuse me, etc.  To respect her is to honor her.  Do you dishonor her with your actions?  Do you take her for granted?  Do you tell your children how wonderful she is and that they need to respect her like you do?   Are you brave enough to challenge your children to treat her like you do?

3.  Remember that she is an heir of the gracious gift of life - Most importantly, she is a child of God.  The Maker of the Universe, the Creator, has made her uniquely to serve His purposes.  Do you treat her like a Christian sister?   Do you encourage her spiritual growth?  Do you encourage her to spend time with other godly women?  Do you offer to take care of your children so that she can have some alone time with God?

"Christian husbands and wives share a common experience of grace and a common destiny of salvation.  A husband must honor his wife since she, as much as he, has access to God's grace in Christ.  In addition, since husbands and wives are partners together in grace, a husband's relationship with God will be affected for good or ill by his relationship with his wife.  When husbands treat their wives with consideration and honor, they are true to the nature of grace.  They are acting as God's people, and thus their relationship with God may be deepened through prayer (p. 1193)."

Peter is very clear here: 

If you don't honor your wife, your prayers will be hindered

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

Gentlemen, your wife wants you to love the kids. She wants you to help raise them. She wants you to love them, to pursue them. She wants you to get guy time with your sons. She wants you to get daddy dates with your daughters. She wants you to do Ephesians 6 and be their pastor. She wants you to read the Bible with them. She wants you to pray with them. And you know what? You should want that too.

DO YOUR JOB

So many guys who are Christians think “I pay for Christian school, I send the wife and kids to the Christian church. I’ve done my Christian duty.” No, you’ve abdicated your responsibility to others. 

It’s your job to love your kids. It’s your job to pray with your kids. It’s your job to teach the Bible to your kids. 

It’s your job to encourage your kids. It’s your job to discipline your kids.

Christian, husband, father, employee. Those are your first four duties; it’ll take most of your life. You’re not going to have a lot of time.

A wife will be so forgiving of so many things if she actually knows her husband desperately loves their children, that he serves them, that he cares for them, that he’s tender with them, that he’s Pastor Dad for them. So few children actually have a father. So few of those actually have a Christian father and how few of those actually have a dad who’s doing his job.

And I’ll tell you what, guys, this is not something you have to do; it’s something you get to do.

This is wonderful. Every night, my daughter Alexie, blond hair, blue eyes and looks like Tinkerbell says, “Poppa Daddy, I need a piggyback ride and a Bible story.” You know what? I do too. I need that as much as Alexie. I weep thinking of the day that I’m not going to be giving her piggyback rides, so I give her as many piggyback rides as I can because it’s a great season and a wonderful opportunity.

HONOR YOUR PRIORITIES

What this means, gentlemen, is your priorities will be Christian, husband, father, employee. Those are your first four duties; it’ll take most of your life. You’re not gonna have a lot of time. You're probably gonna need to put down your tools, your hobbies, your car, your projects, your golf clubs, your Xbox and probably going to need to put down the remote control, and your laptop, and your iPod to honor your wife parentally. You’re not going to have a lot of time for a lot of other things.  

Gentlemen, your goal is not to stand before God and tell him what level you got to on “World of Warcraft”.

HONOR HER SPIRITUALLY

All of this comes down to this point.

There are between 11 and 13 million more Christian women than men. Many women go to church on their own. They have to drag their husband to church, they drag their children to church. It is your job, men, to lead spiritually.

 You pray with the family. You read the Bible with the family. You pick a good church, become a member of it, submit to it. 

You pick the community group or midweek class you will be in. You are the one to lead the family spiritually.

START WITH A PRAYER

Some guys say, “Well, I don’t know what to do.” 

Just start by praying with your wife. 

There are women who will read this sermon and deep down in their heart, this is what they want the most, “If my husband would just pray with me.”

There are some of you guys, you pray with all kinds of people, you don’t pray with your wife. Do you pray with your wife? Do you pray with your kids? Do you read the Bible with your wife? Do you talk about Jesus with your wife? Do you talk about Jesus with your kids? 

Leading spiritually is the foundation of everything else.

This post is adapted from The Mars Hill blog.  It can be found at:  http://marshill.com/2010/12/14/how-to-honor-your-wife/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

You've got to work hard. You’ve got to out-work the other men if you want to feed your family. That’s your responsibility as a man. If you want any men to respect you, if you want your wife to respect you, if you want your children to respect you, you pay the bills. You make the money, you feed the family.



We live in this day where there are guys telling their wives:

• “We can’t have kids”
• “You don't make enough money”
• “I don’t like responsibility.”

BE GENEROUS WITH YOUR WIFE

I know guys well, they’re typically not generous. I know this one guy who makes decent money and he’s totally chintzy with his wife. She gets no spending money, can’t go out to coffee with the girls because he’s a total control freak and tightwad. Be honoring of your wife financially. I’m not saying you have to live at a lavish and high level. 

But what I am saying is live within your means, you make a budget, you tithe, spend, save, invest well. 

I know it’s hard to live on one income. I know it’s particularly difficult in this economic climate, but for some of you boys, it’s a built-in excuse to be irresponsible.

RUN THE NUMBERS RATHER ASSUMING YOU NEED A SECOND INCOME

Statistically, if you have children, and put them in day care so mom can work, the other costs that are associated: eating out, take-out, dry cleaning, car, second phone, cell phone, things of that nature, plus the increased tax breaks and costs and burdens very rarely contribute anything to the bottom line of the family. The taxes alone eat a huge portion of it.

MSNBC did a big study on this years ago and they brought the data to the mothers who dropped their kids off at the day care. “You’re providing nothing to the income of the family,” and the women are bawling, having a nervous breakdown on television, saying, “Well, then why am I even going to work?”

Because that guy doesn’t know how to run numbers on taxes. He’s not smart enough to find somebody to figure it out for him. He just says, “Put the kids in day care, get a job, shoulder half of my curse. Oh and by the way, I forgot to run the numbers, come to find it’s not really helping.”

Honor her financially.

HONOR HER PRACTICALLY

With some guys, the house is a wreck. It’s never finished, the furniture’s broken, the car hardly starts, they live far away from community, they don’t have a schedule, they don’t have a budget, they don’t have a plan, the wife doesn’t know what’s going on.

Honor her practically. Do you have a budget? Do you have a schedule? Do you have an integrated plan? Do you have a life?

Tomorrow, we conclude our series on being a real man in marriage.

This post is adapted from The Mars Hill blog.  It can be found at:  http://marshill.com/2010/12/14/how-to-honor-your-wife/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

Some of you say, “I’m not emotional, I don’t connect.” You should. Men and women have the same emotions; they express them in masculine and feminine ways. Your wife needs intimacy. She wants you to know her. She wants to know you. She wants you to open up. She wants you to be passionate and loving and honest, and she wants to know you and she wants to be known by you.

 And the Bible says that Adam was with his wife, Eve, and he, what?
He knew her.

There are too many guys that turn marriage into a job description. He does his responsibility, she does hers, and there’s no emotional connection whatsoever. Those are guys whose sins are sins of omission. “I didn’t hit her, I didn’t yell at her.” Yeah, but you didn’t love her. You didn’t connect with her. You didn’t encourage her. You didn’t pursue her.

Ultimately, you failed her.

HONOR HER VERBALLY

How do you speak to her? Do you have nasty nicknames for her? Do you raise your voice? Do you threaten her? Do you give back-handed comments? Some of you guys would say, “I would never hit a woman.” How about with your tongue?

When you wife is not there and you’re with the boys, how do you speak of her? What do you say about her?

DONT' PUT YOUR CHILDREN IN THE MIDDLE

You know what? Your children will pick this up as well.

You start saying horrible things about your wife, and the children will be left in this awkward and untenable position of choosing between their mother and father and invariably some of the children will despise their own mother and speak evil of her in an effort to remain loyal to their father.

A division in a marriage includes the children, they’re stuck in the middle. They’re casualties of the war.

You men could defuse this and take away this fear by honoring her verbally. Speaking honestly, respectfully, lovingly to her and about her. Some of you guys forget. You say, “Well, Jesus isn’t there. My wife isn’t there. I get to say whatever I want.” No, Jesus is there even when your wife’s not there. God sees everything. God knows everything, and you’re not getting away with anything.

Tomorrow, we talk about honoring your wife financially.

This post is adapted from The Mars Hill blog.  It can be found at:  http://marshill.com/2010/12/14/how-to-honor-your-wife/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

When you get married, men, you are to be a one-woman man. That’s the requirement  for all men:

• You’re not the flirt guy
• You’re not the female buddies guy
• You’re not the download porn guy
• You’re not the “I got another gal on the side I always keep in case of emergency” guy
• You’re not the wandering eye guy

If you are, you’re not honoring marriage and you’re not honoring your wife.

I know some complete fools, they like to take their wedding ring off when they go out to the sports bar with the boys. Do you honor your marriage covenant? Do you take responsibility as the head of the marriage covenant, take responsibility for the well-being of the woman?

A woman has great fear. If you don’t honor marriage, she is statistically going to go into poverty upon divorce. She will become yet another single mother. She’ll have to find a way to explain to the children of why they shouldn’t be embittered against you even though you’re a loser. See, these fears are very legitimate. Women have seen this so many times that they’re fearful of men.

• Do you ever hit her?
• Do you ever shove her?
• Do you ever push her?
• Do you ever grab her, restrain her?
• Do you ever raise a hand and threaten her?
• Do you ever intimidate her with physical violence? 
• Do you give her that look, that pierced, glazed, violent, angry, don’t-push-it-now’s-a-good-time-to-shut-up look?
• Do you tell her, “I’m getting very angry, you should just shut up right now. It’s gonna go bad for you”?
• Do you get right in her face?
• Do you intimidate her with your presence?

A man who picks on a woman, what a joke.

Have you ever forced yourself on a woman? You’re a rapist.

But, you’ll say, “She’s my wife.” 

You’re a rapist.

DON'T HOLD YOUR WIFE PRISONER

When someone is attacked, we call it abuse. As horrible as that is, what is even worse is torment. Torment is when you’re abused and you can’t get out. This is like prisoners of war and those who are held captive in slavery. 

For some women, their version of slavery and captivity and torment is called marriage. 

Their husband is physically intimidating. She’s afraid of him. She can’t leave, at least that’s what she thinks. She feels stuck, particularly if she’s got children. Some of you guys are tormentors and abusers and rapists and husbands and Christians, and that is absolutely inexcusable.

WOMEN, A MAN WHO HITS YOU IS IN SIN

Most men don’t walk around thinking about their personal safety. I know a lot of women who do. Does she feel safe with you? 

Ladies, if you’re dating a guy who has ever been physically violent, run for your life, run for your children’s life, run for your grandchildren’s life. 

If he’s ever even threatened you with violence, there is something profoundly demonic in that man. There is something sincerely wrong in that man. He will then apologize, tell you he is sorry. He will shed a few tears, say it will never happen again and he will subtly shift the blame to you. “You know when you do that, it just makes me really angry. Don’t do that again.”

“Oh, okay, it must be my fault.” It’s never your fault. 

It doesn’t matter what you say or do, if a man hits you, harms you, he’s in sin, no excuse.

HEAD-OF-THE-HOUSE DOES NOT MEAN BULLY

And there are some guys, some absolute block-headed idiots who think when the Bible says that you’re the head of the home, that it means you get to be the bully. There’s nothing uglier than a guy who then takes this same disposition toward his children, especially his daughters. 

The grossest, vilest thing is a man who hits a woman, and the man who hits a woman is willing to hit his own daughter. It’s disgusting.

Tomorrow, we will talk about honoring your wife emotionally.

This post is adapted from The Mars Hill blog.  It can be found at:  http://marshill.com/2010/12/14/how-to-honor-your-wife/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

When a woman marries a man, she’s trusting him with the rest of her life that he won’t hit her, cheat on her, that he’ll work hard, that he’ll pay the bills, that he’ll love their children, that he’ll finish the race well, that he’ll walk with Jesus until the end, that if she gets sick, he’ll look after her, that if she is dying, he will be faithful to her. 


Gentlemen, it is a terrifying thing for a woman to trust a sinful man.

Every man who reads this, even the best men among us, has areas of repentance and growth that are required.

As a man, I don’t think I fully understood this until I had daughters, and now I have some understanding of that fear. The thought of taking one of my daughters and walking them down the aisle and handing them to a man and trusting that he will love them and protect them and serve them and care for them and look after them, it causes me fear and grave concern.

DON'T GIVE WOMEN A REASON TO FEAR

Women have legitimate fears, and what Peter is saying is that men need to be a particular way so those fears are alleviated. And I love his words, “in an understanding way, showing honor.” 

That’s a man.

Now as I say this, many of you guys will nod your head and say, “Yeah, that’s me.”

No, you’re not. So let me practically unpack this for you. 

Every man who reads this, even the best men among us, has areas of repentance and growth that are required. 

This week, I want to talk to you men about some ways to honor and love the woman that has committed herself to you.

This post is adapted from The Mars Hill blog.  It can be found at:  http://marshill.com/2010/12/14/how-to-honor-your-wife/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.