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89-years-young

2/28/2013

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This is a landmark day.  This is the day that the first pope to resign in over 600 years occurs.  He officially resigns tonite (Vatican time).  By my standards, the Pope is a young man.  He is only 85-years-old.  The Pope has decided he wants to live the rest of his life only reading and praying.  He is quoted as saying, "...I can continue to serve it (the church) with the same dedication and the same love which I have tried to do so until now, but in a way more suitable to my age and to my strength."  I'm glad that the Pope has defined what is suitable for someone his age.  However, my dad must not have heard that idea of what is "suitable" for his age.  

Today, my Father turns the young age of 89.  Actually, he turns 89 tomorrow.  No, it's today.  Truth be told, my Dad doesn't have a birthday this year as he was born in a leap year.  He has only had 22 birthdays.  And he acts like it.  If you look at the picture above, you will see a screen shot from a conversation that I was having with him during "face time" on his iPad. That's right.  You read that correctly.  He's 89 and he's using "face time."  In fact, he  and my mom taught me how to use "face time."  I was a little computer phobic when it came to this form of communication.  However, I have found that our conversations go better (even though the internet can be wonky at times) because he can read my lips.  I just wish "face time" had a typed chat feature so that I could type in some words that are unclear because I have a tendency to speak quickly.  

Why is he a young 89-year-young?  He regularly does puzzles, reads the newspaper daily, keeps up on his investments, tracks how well his invention is doing, follows his sports teams, checks out information on the internet, as well as praying and reading God's Word.  In fact, he told me, "I've always enjoyed working but now that I'm retired, I work harder than I ever have and I'm enjoying it more because I'm doing more of what I want to do."  He plants and tends his garden, harvests pecans, goes fishing when he wants and finally bought mom a wedding ring after 65+ years of marriage (he is so romantic...).

He's also written a memoir of his life as a pastor.  Here's the first entry:

As a student pastor in a country church we had a number of young couples as a part of the congregation, many of them had no church relationship in the past.  The young men requested from the church board the privilege of repainting the church sanctuary.  So in the evenings and on Saturday, we had painting times.  I was working with one of the young men painting in the platform area.  He mentioned that he would paint in the area around the bull pit.  When I asked him what he was talking about, he pointed to the pulpit and said, "that is what you call it, isn't it?"  In thinking about it afterwards, I thought perhaps he wasn't too far off, at least in his own mind.  Though he made the statement in ignorance, it is a reminder that the pastor needs to take his responsibility seriously when he is proclaiming the Word from the pulpit.  He needs to make sure that it is the Word of God and not just bull from the pit.

What I like about my Dad's lessons is that he can make common, ordinary circumstances into an insight about God, The Bible and/or Holiness.  So, at 89-years-young, he's still going strong and not acting suitably.  I hope he never does act his age.

Happy Birthday, Dad!
I love you.


BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.


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Chastity vs Virginity

2/27/2013

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The summer after the sixth grade I went to one of those Christian summer camps, one with workshops on various topics throughout the week. On one of the days there was a workshop on relationships, a.k.a. the sex talk day (strange how the two are often seen as the same thing in Christian circles).

The speaker decided to begin the talk with an illustration. He pulled out a rookie Michael Jordan basketball card worth about a $1000 and asked if anyone wanted it. Every hand went up, including mine.

Now, I was not a huge basketball fan or really much into sports cards (I had a few that had been given to me), but there was one athlete I really liked: Michael Jordan. In fact, my favorite basketball card was of another player just because it had half of Michael Jordan in the picture on the front. I had no interest in selling the card; I just really wanted a card of my favorite player. But just my luck, another boy was called up to receive the card.

Just as the boy reached the front, the speaker addressed the audience, “I am going to give this to you, but let me just take a little for myself first.” He took the card and ripped a small piece off from the corner before handing the rest of the card to the boy.

As most know, this completely destroyed the economic value of that $1000 basketball card. The young boy, saddened by the lost of his prize, returned to his seat. The speaker went on to talk about the importance of our virginities. No matter what else he said, the message of his illustration was clear: if you lose your virginity, you are worthless.

This is the message about sexuality that pervades Christian culture. Youth are told that the key to maintaining one’s purity is preserving one’s virginity until marriage. Growing up, we are supposed to pray for our future spouse, that he or she might “keep pure,” for the highest good is that both are virgins on that special wedding night.

Our virginity is a gift that should be presented, unstained, to our husband or wife, because “wouldn’t it be sad if you didn’t have that gift to give?” And this issue is even a bigger deal for women, whose virginity is so strangely tied to self-worth. Indeed, in the not so distant past, a woman’s virginity was considered her virtue.

But there is something seriously wrong with this view of sexuality. First of all, there is a problem with the idea of virginity at all. Virginity, the state of never having had sex, is something that once lost can never, by definition, be restored.

However, Christians hold the belief that Christ redeems all things. Therefore, if something cannot be redeemed, it is not a thing, at least not in a Christian’s understanding. So, virginity has no value since Christ’s complete redemption will not restore it. It has no consequence to the life of a Christian. How could it, it stands in total opposition to a gospel that speaks of forgiveness and new birth?

There are no permanent marks in the Christian faith save the wounds of Our Savior. How could the loss of virginity ever contend with the nail marks in his hands or the spear piecing in his side?

What is more, virginity is a legalistic concept. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard the question, “Am I still a virgin if we only…?” There is constantly a questioning of how far is too far before one’s virginity is lost. And there has to be: anything that so absolutely and incurably separates the innocent from the “slut” has to be legalistic.

But does not God look at the heart, at the intention that causes the action? Virginity pays no heed to intentions, and so it cannot really be a marker of holiness. It can only be a cause of pride for the one who has and shame for the one who does not. This is why virginity is simply not important.

But, one might argue, if we don’t think of virginity as important then we will all engage in promiscuity. There is a flaw in that thinking: virginity is not the opposite of sexual promiscuity, chastity is. Chastity is the virtue of turning one’s sexuality towards love. It is a holistic virtue that actively seeks to bring the full sexual dimension of one’s being into self-giving love. Chastity can, if lost, be fully restored just like honesty, courage, and all other virtues. The loss of chastity leaves no permanent stains.

With chastity we need no longer be concerned with absurd and hurtful questions such as, “Am I still a virgin if I am raped?” Your chastity can never be stolen from you, for it is something you actively do. Your chastity is a declaration of love, not a history of past actions.

God has not given you your sexuality to be a burden that you fearfully hope to guard against any taint until you can get to marriage. Instead, God has given your sexuality to you so that you might more fully give yourself in love.

Understanding chastity, it is clear that it is wrong to use our sexuality for selfishness. That is why sex can only be truly loving within marriage, for only within marriage can one’s sexuality be given totally, freely, fruitfully, and faithfully in sex. In this way chastity, unlike virginity, should be preserved even within marriage. Whether married or unmarried, we are all called to direct our sexualities towards love, but only in marriage can this self-giving truly manifest itself in the act of sex.

It is this understanding of the meaning of our sexualities that not only speaks of love but of grace as well, that helps us move beyond the shame and guilt that is brought by seeing our sexualities through the lens of virginity. Our identity should not be in our sexual histories. We should not strive to be virgins until married, as though we trade one identity for another. Rather, we should find our identity in being lovers loved by God, in which chastity is one part of the love we express for all creation and its Creator.

As I left that auditorium after the talk on “relationships” that day, I looked down one of the aisles. On the floor lay that Michael Jordan rookie card, crumpled and ripped, left for the trash. What value could that boy see in it when society told him it was now worthless? I almost walked over and picked it up – it was still a Michael Jordan card after all – but I noticed other kids standing behind me and got embarrassed. How I wish I had picked up that card that day! I have long since gotten rid of all my other sports cards, but that card would have stayed with me. It would have stood as a testament to the redemptive work of Christ who restores all things.

For it is Christ who makes us completely whole again that we might love fully without shame. This is why virginity is not important, but chastity is: because in Christ the old has gone, the new has come, we are a new creation, created in Christ Jesus to give ourselves in love as he did. That is our identity. That is what really matters.

This post was written by Stephen Kenyon of George Fox Universtiy.  For the original article, go to:  http://www.gfucrescent.com/why-virginity-is-not-important-but-chastity-is/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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"Come on , just say 'Yes'!"

2/26/2013

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There is a storm coming. I can feel it as I stand on a street corner in south London, thinking about my daughters. Lily and Rose are both 11 years old. One is crazy about dogs, the other loves owls.

They are at that tender age when the hormones have begun to stir, and they could be stomping around the room like furious teenagers one minute but snuggling up for a cuddle the next.

The girls are fast approaching 13, the age that Chevonea Kendall-Bryan was when she leaned out of one of the windows on the fourth floor of a block of flats on this street. A boy she knew was down here on the ground, but this was not Romeo and Juliet. Far from it.

Chevonea had been pressurised into performing a sex act on him, and he had shared a phone clip of her doing so with all his mates. She threatened to jump from the window if he did not delete it. Then she slipped and fell 60 feet to the ground, dying from massive brain injuries.

Her mother says she will now campaign against what is happening to young girls in our society. They are certainly under extreme pressure, having to cope with a world more brutal, more demanding and far more overtly sexual than anything their parents knew.

"Never before has girlhood been under such a sustained assault – from ads, alcohol marketing, girls’ magazines, sexually explicit TV programmes and the hard pornography that is regularly accessed in so many teenager’s bedrooms,” says the psychologist Steve Biddulph, currently touring the country to promote a book called Raising Girls.

It is a follow-up to his best-seller Raising Boys – and they are under pressure too, being led to believe that girls will look and behave like porn stars. Our children are becoming victims of pornification.

“It is usually girls who are on the receiving end of some pretty degrading stuff,” says Claire Perry MP, who has just been appointed David Cameron’s special adviser on the commercialisation and sexualisation of childhood. “We’ve got young girls being asked to write their names on their boobs and send pictures. Parents would be really shocked to know this is happening in pretty much every school in the country. Our children are growing up in a very sexualised world.”

So this is the storm my girls will soon face. I can already hear the rumblings. For their sake, I want to know, how bad is it? How widespread? I ask to speak to Mrs Perry, and while I’m waiting for the call back I read a report by the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children, which suggests it is very bad indeed. Researchers who carried out an in-depth study of the lives of pupils at two London schools in 2010 say that year eight was when they began to feel confused and overwhelmed by sexual expectations and demands.

Claire, who must be 12 or 13, is quoted as saying of the boys in her class: “If they want oral sex, they will ask every single day until you say yes.”

Kamal, a boy in the same year, says: “Say I got a girlfriend, I would ask her to write my name on her breast and then send it to me and then I would upload it on to Facebook or Bebo or something like that.” The profile picture on his phone, seen by everyone to whom he sends messages, is an image of his girlfriend’s cleavage. Some of the boys at his school have explicit images of up to 30 different girls on their phone. They swap them like we used to swap football cards. If they fancy a girl, they send her a picture of their genitals. As one teenage girl said after the report came out, sending pictures of your body parts is “the new flirting”.

Boys have always tried their luck, but now they have the technological means to apply pressure, on phones with cameras and messenger networks that no adult ever sees.

Chloe Combi, a former teacher who began her career in “a pretty posh school”, has written in the Times Educational Supplement about when it goes further: “The hardest conversation I’ve ever had was with a distraught, confused man of about 45. I had to explain to him that we had to exclude from school his seemingly non-abused, non-disturbed, well-loved daughter because she had been caught administering fellatio to a line of young men in the boys’ toilets for cash.”

Ms Combi went on: “A friend of mine, who teaches at another school (much more posh than mine) said that it had got so bad they had to go on patrol every lunchtime to prevent similar incidents.”

What is the cause of all this? We need more research, the experts say. But to a dismayed parent, it seems like the horrific result of a massive experiment. Thanks to the internet, our boys and girls are the first children to grow up with free, round-the-clock access to hardcore pornography. Porn has become part of the adult mainstream, colouring everything from advertising to best-selling books like Fifty Shades of Grey. Of course our children are affected.

Diane Abbott, the shadow public health minister, said last week: “I want to highlight what I believe is the rise of a secret garden, striptease culture in British schools and society, which has been put beyond the control of British families by fast-developing technology, and an increasingly pornified British culture.”

It starts young, with pencil cases that carry the Playboy bunny logo and Bratz dolls that look like they have just finished a shift at a strip joint. High-heeled shoes are sold to girls at the age of eight, along with knickers bearing slogans that on an adult would be meant to sound saucy. Campaigns by concerned groups like Mumsnet only stop products like these for a while, until new ones are pushed out.

The pop industry, which aims at hooking kids before they hit puberty, teaches little girls to bump and grind. I’m not a prude, but I have been called one for asking why a 10-year-old was copying the moves in a video in which Rihanna prowls like a dominatrix and sings, “Come on rude boy, boy, can you get it up? Come on rude boy, boy, is you big enough?”

Working backwards, Rihanna is inverting the more extreme imagery used by some male hip hop stars, whose videos effectively show women as sex slaves. They, in turn, offer a polished version of the behaviour in hardcore porn, which is only a click away, on imitations of YouTube.

It’s not hidden behind a paywall, it’s free. And you don’t even have to claim to be 18 to watch it. This is not the cheesy porn on the newsagent’s top shelf, which was all we could get our hands on when I was a boy. The extreme, violent stuff our children can see so easily now would make a Seventies porn star blush. Or throw up.

The ubiquity of such material has shifted the understanding of what is normal. Three-quarters of teachers surveyed for the TES last year said they believed access to porn was having a “damaging effect” on pupils. One said girls were dressing like “inflatable plastic dolls” while another said some pupils “couldn’t get to sleep without watching porn”.

However, there is also disturbing evidence that hardcore pornography has become so commonplace that some children see it as “mundane”. The pioneering NSPCC study in 2010 found that watching professional porn was seen by boys as a sign of desperation. They would rather watch – and circulate – home-made porn shots on phones with girls they knew.

This is part of the phenomenon called sexting, the exchange of sexual messages or images by text, smartphones and social networking sites. Chevonea Kendall-Bryan was a victim of it, and worse. She had been bullied by boys since the age of 11, a coroner heard earlier this month. At 13, she was forced to perform a sex act on an 18-year-old after a party. A boy of 15 later demanded the same treatment – or he would smash the windows of her south London home. When she obeyed, he filmed her on his phone and shared the clip around her school.

Sexual pressure can cause girls to contemplate suicide, self-harm, develop eating disorders, or try to lose themselves in drugs or alcohol. But does sexting only happen in the most troubled inner-city schools? No, says Prof Andy Phippen of Plymouth University, who led his own research in Cornwall, Somerset and Devon. “I’ve been into all kinds of schools – including inner city, rural and semi-rural – and I can’t remember a single one where sexting was not an issue,” he says. “It’s not a class thing either. I visit elite schools, and the kids there talk about it just as much.”

However, it is important to say that children may be telling the truth if they insist they have never come across it. Estimates of those affected range from 15 to 40 per cent of pupils, depending on where you are. And when I speak to Claire Perry, she admits: “The answer is we don’t know. I think it is a growing problem. My sense is that even in the nicest, leafiest part of the country, this is something that children are doing.”

Hadn’t we better find out? “Yes. That is why it is good that the debate is happening. Bullying has always taken place, but technology means we have given our children a space where there are no adult eyeballs watching. We have to do something about that. I expect there will be lots of difficult conversations this weekend.”

Over the past few days, she has been accused of being a snooper, after suggesting that parents should read their children’s texts and emails. “If your child was going out with somebody you thought was taking drugs, you would feel you had the right to intervene. Somehow, we don’t feel we have the right to do that in the online world. We are on the back foot. But I think that this week’s reaction shows that parents do want to be able to do this.”

Her first job, though, is to focus on the internet. Last year, Mr Cameron backed an “opt-in” system to block adult content on home computers. The idea has now been dropped, however. A consultation showed that the majority of people thought it too draconian, admits Mrs Perry – but she is now working with internet service providers on a series of changes, including a block on adult content on public Wi-Fi. In the home, customers will have to verify that they are over 18 and want access to adult content, or else restrictions will apply. “You will have to say, 'I don’t want that filter.’ Once we have this, we will lead the world in online child safety.”

All of which is fine, except it won’t do a thing about sexting. In any case, technologically savvy boys like my 15-year-old will find a way round it if they want to. Of course, he will seek out pictures of people having sex. Boys do. I’m just scared of the effects of the tsunami of hardcore he must see any time he tries. As Claire Perry says: “Porn is a terrible sexual educator and that is not where our children should be getting their information.”

As for his sisters, I shudder. I don’t want them to live in a world in which romance means boy meets girl, boy sends a picture of his genitals. Lily and Rose are not their real names, by the way. I’m that afraid of their being drawn in. We clearly need to talk, awkward as it may be.

As adults, we also have to be clear where the blame lies. I’m reminded of that as I travel home to hug the girls, and a text arrives from a 14-year-old friend of the family. Responding to the call to talk about the pressure she’s under, she texts: “DON’T bash the kids. We don’t sell porn. Grown-ups do. YOU FIX IT!!!!”

This post was written by Cole Moreton.  The original source can be found at:  http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/9828589/Children-and-the-culture-of-pornography-Boys-will-ask-you-every-day-until-you-say-yes.html

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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Now for something disgusting...

2/25/2013

2 Comments

 
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There have been a few times when I have been so angry, that I felt like slugging someone...

Let me set this up for you.  The church that I attended would put on a terrific Easter Musical every year.  It was a great production and much of the community would go.  It was quite popular.   I enjoyed being part of it.

I was at a fast food establishment and I overheard a conversation that I wish I had never heard.  Two young men were talking about the Easter Musical.  Since I was in the production, I listened intentionally.  Then they started talking to each other about how to pick up girls.  I heard the usual stupid man advice about showing off, flexing your muscles, driving a fast car, flattering, flirting, etc.  

However, what I heard next was REALLY DISGUSTING.   

I wish I hadn't been eavesdropping.

One young man said, "I take girls to that Easter Musical that's going on right now.   I cry when Jesus is on the cross and they get all emotional.  Then, when I get them home, they are  like putty in my hands.  I can do anything I want and they never say no."  He continued, "If I can't get a girl to go with me, I will hang out afterwards and talk to the girls that have been crying.  It's pretty easy to pick one up when they're like that."  It made my blood boil.  I wanted to slug the guy or say something but I was so angry and in such shock, I just sat there in disbelief.

Did you catch what was DISGUSTING about that conversation?  God talks about this.  He says, "They commit adultery with their eyes, and their desire for sin is never satisfied.  They lure unstable people into sin..."  

Why is this disgusting?

Did you catch what this young man said?  He took the most wonderful and supreme act of love and perverted it for his own selfish, sinful advantage.  And not only that, he took others with him.  

Do you find that disgusting?

I have talked about several disgusting things on this blog.  What makes this the most disgusting thing I have ever heard?  

Do you understand the gravity of this young man's statements?

It is downright disgusting to use something that is holy for sin.  To defile God's holiness with sin is a major affront to God.  This conversation gave me a whole different perspective on God's Holiness and what it means to be a man.  

A real man takes God's Holiness seriously.  That doesn't mean that a real man can't have fun and can't make light of some things that happen, even in a church.  But a real man knows better than to defile God with sin.   God and sin can NEVER be connected, even the slightest connection is abhorrent to God.

Do you defile God's Holiness?  Do you take Him seriously?  

God says we are to be holy in all we do.  Never connect God to sin.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.


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Sunday Meditation

2/24/2013

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"So then, let us not be like others, who are asleep, but let us be alert and self-controlled" 

The first step toward honesty is to pay attention. In the words of this text, the choices we face are either to sleep or to be alert and self-controlled.

There are days when we would rather 'sleep'. There are days when the emotional numbness of denial seems less painful then the alertness required by recovery. Couldn't we just 'let it ride' for a day? Couldn't we just 'sleep' for a while?

Sometimes people encourage us to 'sleep'. "Why are you still paying attention to that? It was a long time ago!" Or "Why are you still 'holding on' to that? Just forgive and get it behind you." Wouldn't it be great to get this over with quickly and not have to pay attention to it anymore?

There is a rest, a serenity, that comes from God. But it comes from 'alertness' not from 'sleep'. God's peace is not like the 'sleep' in this text. This sleep is denial, it is avoidance, it is distraction, it is pretending, it is death. Being alert means that we allow ourselves to see and hear, to use our senses and mind and heart. It means that we pay attention to what is happening inside of us and around us. The text urges us to be alert, to pay attention. Pay attention, it urges, even if life is painful, even if it is not what we want it to be.

Lord, help me to pay attention today!
Help me not to put my feelings to sleep.
I want to be aware of my thoughts and feelings, Lord.
I want to be able to experience both the pain and joy of life today.
Help me to pay attention.


Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan

National Association for Christian Recovery

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Temptation:  Practical Advice

2/23/2013

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There is an important principle in handling temptation.   Did you know that many times, you can resist temptation?  God tells us to submit to Him and then when we resist temptation, it will flee.

Resistance can be a matter of remembering this acronym:
                     HALTSS
                                                          
H - are you HUNGRY?  If your stomach is rumbling, if you feel weak from not having eaten for a while and you find yourself entertaining ungodly thoughts, go get something to eat.  The renewed energy will give you strength to think clearer.  If it's healthy food, you will feel even better than devouring a whole pizza.

A - are you ANGRY?  Harboring anger makes you susceptible to temptation.  I'm not saying anger is always bad.  But dwelling on angry feelings and not letting go of things puts you in a precarious position where its easier to say yes to temptation.

L - are you LONELY?  Being lonely causes a man to do stupid things.  If you find yourself doing things you need not do because you're chasing away loneliness, then find a good male friend and spend some time together praying for each other.  In this modern society, you will have a number of friends immediately available by Facebook, cell phone, texting, and/or email .  

T - are you TIRED?  When you're tired, your resistance to temptation is greatly weakened.  If you find yourself tempted to do something sinful, just go to bed.  Get some sleep.

S - are you SICK?  Take some medication to improve your symptoms.  It will increase your resistance to the bug of temptation.

S - are you SAD?  Find a good male friend and spend some time praying for each other.  Remember that the joy of the LORD is your strength.  

This is the principle to handling temptation:  submit to God and remember HALTSS  

You can't use the excuse, "I just couldn't help myself, after all I'm only human."   

God gave you a brain, you're not stupid.  
You're not an animal that just reacts.  


You can HALTSS temptation...

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.


This posted was adapted from an article in the Grapevine in 1971


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Temptation:  Looking Ahead

2/22/2013

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There is an important principle in handling temptation.   Did you know that many times, you can anticipate temptation?  

Look at the picture of this mountain path and I will try and describe this principle to you.  Imagine yourself at the bottom of this mountain and you want to reach the top.  The path circles around the mountain, rather circuitously and over time, you get to where you know this mountain fairly well. You know that when you get to the east side of the mountain, the drop is shear and the side is craggy and the path is treacherous.  Fortunately, for you, the path has rails (like in the picture) that help you stay steady.  On the north face of the mountain, the wind is very brisk, you almost feel like you will be blown off the path.  On the west side, the path is lush and covered with trees that shield you from the rain and sun.  On the south side, it is stark and barren and the sun or the rain beats down upon you miserably.  

You know pretty much what's coming ahead because you have been there before.  So you continue on your journey in anticipation.  You know that you need support when you come to the slippery east side.  You know that you need to grab trees and use your walking cane on the windy north side.  You know that you can take it easy and enjoy yourself on the west side.  You know that you need to apply protection to prevent sunburn on the south side.  

Usually, as you traverse up a mountain, it takes less time to go around it because it is usually smaller the further up you go.  Just like temptation, the more you prepare for it and the more times you say no to temptation, the easier the path.

Do you have the picture?  Do you get what I am saying?

Think of this path as your life.  You can pretty much predict what will happen if you go certain places.  If you have to go someplace treacherous, get some support.  Take someone with you, be accountable when you go there.  If you find yourself in a place that can blow you off your feet, look for trees and walking canes that you can grab onto.  If you are in the heat and need to apply SONSCREEN, ask God for His protection.   

This is the principle to handling temptation:  Anticipate, think, plan, pray.  Use your brain.  Trust the Holy Spirit's guidance.  

You can't use the excuse, "I just couldn't help myself, after all I'm only human."   
God gave you a brain, you're not stupid.  
You're not an animal that just reacts.  


You can think and plan ahead...

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

My thanks to Tom Eisenman for this concept.


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Relational Theology: A Review

2/21/2013

4 Comments

 
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Relational Theology:  A Contemporary Introduction

When Dr Oord asked me to review this book, I was in a bit of a quandary.  Why would a theologian want my opinion about his newest book?  Theology is just a hobby of mine, like my interest in cultural anthropology.  I think maybe because I had written him about I much I enjoyed his earlier book, Relational Holiness and have engaged in online discussions with him, he must have thought I would have something interesting to say.

Being a counselor educator by profession, I am frequently evaluating the writings of my students, the research pertaining to my field and am trying to incorporate my hobbies into my professional life, looking for overlap.  This book did bring together my profession and my hobbies.  

I was glad to write this short review.  I am new to the field of Relational Theology. Hopefully without being offensive, I would retitle the book, Relational Theology for Dummies.  I don’t say that because I think that the book is not worthy of reading, I say it because it is a perfect book for someone like me:  someone who is not a professional theologian, but someone who wants to understand the Relational branch of Christian theology in a simple format

This is a very easy read and covers many different areas of Relational Theology.  It contains 31 chapters that are short and heavily edited.  These chapters are grouped into four sections:  1) Doctrines of Theology in Relational Perspective, 2) Biblical Witness in Relational Perspective, 3) The Christian Life in Relational Perspective, and 4) Ethics and Justice in Relational Perspective.  There were several contributors I recognized and even some with whom I have been personally acquainted:  Callen, Oord, Lodahl, Flood, Winslow, Thompson, Peterson, Leclerc, Salguero, Mann and many others. 

To give you a flavor of the book, I’ll share with you some of my favorites sections:

-       “God is understood to be truly personal, loving, and not manipulative (7).”

-       “God’s grace works powerfully, but not irresistibly, in matters of human life and salvation.  God empowers our “response-ability” without overriding our genuine responsibility (8).”

-       “God created humanity to be in responsible relationship with Him, and to find its identity – the “image of God” – in relationship.  Yet humanity sought to become independent of its Creator and claim self-sufficiency (15).”

-       “God is love, and if we truly live in relationship with God, we will live in love with others and all creation (16).”

-       “When we explore relationship through the notions of love and trust, we see that faith and relationship become inseparable (34).”

-       “A relational interpretation of the Christian faith proceeds on the assumption that God has created us human beings to be loved and to love … sin is a term that may be identified with any falling short of God’s ideal for us:  a life of love (37).”

-       “Through intimate union with God in Christ in a living personal relationship, we are transformed into His likeness.  We do not merely follow His example.  Rather, we become Christlike through abiding in Christ, through living in God (41).”

-       “To read Scripture as the Church means that we read with God and with one another.  We listen to what God calls of us as the people of God.  We also listen to one another, as we discern what that call might even mean for us, at this time and in this place (60).”

-       “Prayer is waking up to the presence of God (67).”

-       “Too many of us function like atheists when it comes to prayer.  We claim belief in God, but we do not act on it (68).”

-       “God not only created us for relationship, God also seeks to restore and strengthen that relationship when strained (81).”

-       “Love is at the heart of ethics (89).”

-       “God is love.  Love attempts to care for all people.  Love considers how power affects the lives of people (94).”

-       “Holiness only exists in it expression, which is love (102).”

-       “God has freely created all that is … creatures are free because they have been created by God to reflect and embody God’s loving freedom (108).”

-       “Obedience, which reflects love and gratitude, cannot be forced, because the nature of love requires freedom to obey (112).”

-       “When freedom to obey means freedom to disobey, the relational God pursues the exiles from Eden.  God reminds them they could choose restoration and peace (112).”

-       “All creation is interrelated and creation is ongoing.  God is both Creator at the beginning and continues to create today (114).”

This book is an exciting compilation of the best of today’s Relational Theologians that quickly became very meaningful to me as I ponder my relationship with God.  I could easily have quoted many more sections of this book and would heartily recommend that you read it as well. 

One of the things that I like about this book is also its biggest weakness.  This book is edited so that the chapters are short, less than four pages.  That made it easy for an armchair theologian like myself who needs time to digest concepts and not feel overwhelmed in jargon.  However the short chapters, in an attempt to explain concepts,  at times seemed a bit disjointed, jumping from one concept to another within the same chapter, reading a bit choppy.

One suggestion for the reprint as I’m sure that this book will become popular:  I would suggest that each chapter reference the author's recommended bibliography.  This would help the reader follow-up in more detail the chapters that interest him/her more.  

My grateful thanks is extended to Dr Oord for providing me with a copy of this book.  I would recommend you purchase this book if you desire a cursory overview of Relational Theology.  It is the first serving of a theological meal that won’t completely whet your appetite but leave you hungry for a bigger helping.



BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.


4 Comments

Porn gives nothing in return

2/20/2013

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In a recent Wall Street Journal article, Alain de Botton made a surprisingly theological argument against pornography.  He argued that pornography often functions like an addiction.  It inflames a particular species of pleasure and, over time, can order all of life to the pursuit of this pleasure.

A brain originally designed to cope with nothing more tempting than an occasional glimpse of a tribesperson across the savannah is lost with what’s now on offer on the net at the click of a button: when confronted with offers to participate continuously in scenarios outstripping any that could be dreamt up by the diseased mind of the Marquis de Sade. There is nothing robust enough in our psychological make-up to compensate for developments in our technological capacities.  We are vulnerable to what we read and see. Things don’t just wash over us. We are passionate and for the most part unreasonable creatures buffeted by destructive hormones and desires, which means that we are never far from losing sight of our real long-term ambitions.

Drawing on the thought of St. Augustine, de Botton argues that true freedom is the freedom to pursue what is necessary for the good life, a freedom that pornography and similar addictions can practically destroy.  De Botton concludes by saying that we should heed religion’s (and here I think he has Christianity mostly in mind) call to limit our sexual drive, not because sex is bad but to keep sex ordered to our overall well-being.

De Botton essay is an important commentary on the reality of contemporary life.  As Pamela Paul research indicates in her book Pornified:
  • Overuse, pornography, infidelity, and risky behaviors are among the most frequently treated Internet-related problems by mental health professionals
  • Over half of all spending on the Internet is estimated to be related to sex
  • The best estimates indicate that 77% of Americans view pornography at least once a month
  • 75-77% of males have downloaded porn in their lives
  • 20% of males consciously abstain from viewing pornography
  • 70% of 18-24 year-old males visit porn site monthly
  • 47% of women believe pornography harms relationships while 33% of men said the same
  • 33% of all Americans believe that pornography will not harm a relationship
  • During a six-week experiment the statement, “marriage is an important institution,” was affirmed by 60% of men who viewed no pornography during that period, but only 39% of those exposed to heavy viewing of pornography during the same period affirmed the same statement
  • 58% of women believe that pornography is demeaning to women while only 37% of men agree
  • Both men and women who were exposed to pornography were significantly less likely to want to raise a daughter than those who had not viewed pornography
A good friend of mine I think summarized the situation best, “You used to have to exert an effort to view pornography.  Now you have to exert an effort to NOT view it.”

Pornography is not just addictive and ubiquitous though.  It is also a story about how we should relate to people. In her article “Love your Enemy: Sex, Power, and Christian Ethics,” Karen Lebacqz describes pornography’s relationship script as follows:

Pornography would suggest that men are socialized to find both male power and female powerlessness sexually arousing. In pornography, domination of women by men is portrayed as sexy. It is the power of the man or men to make the woman do what she does not want to do—to make her do something humiliating, degrading, or antithetical to her character—that creates the sexual tension and excitement . . . . In pornography, women are raped tied up, beaten, humiliated--and are portrayed as initially resisting and ultimately enjoying their degradation. (Annual of the Society of Christian Ethics 10 (1990) 8)

The only addition I would add to this “relationship” narrative is the one Ariel Levy notes in her Female Chauvinist Pigs, women and men can switch roles, either one playing the submissive role or taking the assertive role.  Either way, the pornography script makes rape not just acceptable but the norm.  (I think Jana’s recent post makes a very similar point.)

Finally, it seems important to remember that pornography is also a business, with the lowest estimates making it a billion dollar a year business.  It is not only taking advantage of an innate human drive, as de Botton argues, but also forming people in this perspective to generate a steady revenue stream.

Screwtape’s quip about the best way to corrupt a person seems to capture the cumulative result of the pornography industry, “An ever increasing craving for an ever dimensioning pleasure is the formula.  It is certain; and it’s better style.  To get the man’s soul and give him nothing in return.”

I would probably despair of this situation except for two things.  First, practically, the beginning of a solution to this problem is simple:  stop (or do not start) viewing pornography.  If help is needed with this, there are countless effective and free filters available for routers.  This one was recommended to me by two of my tech savvy friends.

Secondly, theological, God made us such that in our hearts we desire much more than what pornography offers, we desire to love and to be loved.  This is the heart of the Church’s sexual teaching:  that sex should always be life giving, not destructive, dominating, violent, or commercialized.  This is why the metaphor Jesus frequently uses for heaven is the wedding banquet, friends and family singing, dancing, and eating in the celebration of love.  Pornography cannot ultimately compete with this joy for which God made us.

This post was written by Jason King.  The original post can be found at:  http://catholicmoraltheology.com/porn/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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Porn tubing and erectile dysfunction

2/19/2013

4 Comments

 
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In mid-2006, the world of porn underwent a transformation. The major players all introduced YOUtube-style streaming videos. Before this momentous event, you had to download the video, then open it, and risk getting a virus. Sometimes you didn't have the right software, so you spent a lot of time making sure it was what you wanted to see before downloading it and 'enjoying' it, or you would go to a specific site whose content you liked, watch the one or two new videos and leave it at that.

More recently, porn delivery evolved in the direction of video gallery sites (increasingly referred to as 'tube sites') which aggregate pages of thumbnails of streaming tube videos from different porn sites.  No guesswork, no pause while downloading. You look across a matrix of thumbnails of videos with maybe 100 or so screenshots, see a picture that floats your boat and click on it.

However, porn purveyors want hits, so your click may take you to that video, or it may take you to another site that you didn't intend to visit, often another gallery site, which is giving the first site a referral kick-back. Now you've got two pages of thumbnails open. At first, you find that annoying and close one, but after things deteriorate, something on the new page catches your eye and you click on that, making a mental note to go back to the first thumbnail. ....and so on until you find yourself with 20 tabs open.

There are two parts to a physical sexual experience: the build-up of arousal, and then the sex. In "normal" porn there is usually more emphasis on story. It often conveys some intimacy and touch etc. (Even though you are not physically experiencing it, you are mentally connecting more with those thoughts.) But on a tube site a clip is often a mere 3-5 minutes long. You go straight from 0 to 100mph. Arousal isn't a slow, relaxed, teasing build-up of expectation. 
  1. Because tube clips are so short, you do a LOT more clicking to novel clips for various reasons: one is way too short to build up arousal; you don't know what will be in the clip till you watch it; endless curiosity, etc.
  2. The variety on tube sites is limitless.
Guys all over the Web are complaining of extreme sexual performance problems and other symptoms. While the advent of Internet porn, and then the arrival of highspeed and torrent downloads of porn, increased rates of porn-related problems, many guys didn't notice severe problems until the rise of tube sites.

A professor in the University of Massachusetts Medical School, Division of Preventive and Behavioral Medicine, Sheri Pagoto PhD,  writes: 

Studies on appetite show that variety is strongly associated with overconsumption. You will eat more at a buffet than you will when meatloaf is the only thing on the table. In neither scenario will you leave hungry but in one you will leave regretful. In other words, [if you want to circumvent overconsumption and its problems] avoid the buffets of life.

Professor Pagoto points out that,

By frequently seeking extreme forms of sexual stimulation, the porn addict will eventually develop an inability to experience sexual pleasure from normal sexual activity; and if the habit goes long enough, an inability to experience pleasure from anything except porn. This pattern of behavior actually changes the brain’s “baseline” of what turns them on. As you can imagine, serious problems develop.  First sexual problems, then relationship problems, and then work problems.

It's not that food or sexual arousal are "bad." Things go awry when an activity "become[s] necessary, a 'go to,' preferred over normal life experiences." Not surprisingly, a 2011 study (USA) found that, "Higher frequencies of [porn] use were associated with less sexual and relationship satisfaction."

"Uh-oh...where's my erection?"

Endless in-your-face variety not only promotes higher-than-usual consumption, it typically also decreases sensitivity to pleasure. One common result is decreased feelings of satisfaction; the brain wants more and more.

In the case of porn buffets, another effect men often report is loss of sexual responsiveness. Decreased response to pleasure is common in all addictions, both behavioral and chemical. As erections and orgasm depend in part on sensitivity to dopamine in a key part of the brain, it appears that a decreased sensitivity to dopamine is making some users less sexually responsive too. 

But a numbed pleasure response is probably only one factor, especially for the younger guys. They appear to be wiring their sexual response to sexual cues that are so different from human sexuality that they don't respond normally to the "real deal" when a three-dimensional partner turns up. 

Wrap up

As with some other technological advances, humanity has apparently outsmarted itself with the creation of tube sites. One insightful observer commented,

If people have the right to be tempted—and that’s what free will is all about—the market is going to  respond by supplying as much temptation as can be sold. Market incentive continues well beyond the point where a superstimulus begins wreaking collateral damage on the consumer. —Eliezer Yudkowsky

What makes tube sites the Bermuda Triangle of porn? Judging from men's self-reports we'd say:

  • Using a tube site, users seek for, and consume, more novelty per session than ever. They tend to overconsume, and risk numbing their response to sexual pleasure.
  • Tube sites offer videos, rather than stills, so the viewer doesn't use his imagination and becomes a passive voyeur, no longer imagining himself as protagonist.
  • Clips are shorter than normal sex and "cut to the chase," rewiring users' sexuality to an unnaturally hasty sexual rhythm.
  • Hotter thumbnails/clips, endless novelty and abundant material that violates expectations constitute supernormal stimulation, and may rewire users' sexuality to pixels that goose the reward circuitry more than real mates.
  • Searches for the perfect clip tend to ratchet up anxiety.
  • Tube sites are intense brain-training--but not for real sex, as demonstrated by viewers' unreliable erections with partners.

Another piece of secular research.  When will Christians stop hiding their sin?  
Even the world has caught on a little bit:
Porn isn't good for you.  
Porn isn't good for relationships.  
Porn isn't good for society.

This blog post was adapted from an article found on the Psychology Today website:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201301/are-porn-tube-sites-causing-erectile-dysfunction

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.


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