If there’s one area of life where we humans tend to struggle it’s the random thoughts that come into our minds.

Why is this a problem?

Often those thoughts are negative. Sometimes they go all the way to harmful.

ANGER: Man, I hate my boss so much right now!

LUST: Wow, I’d love to see her without her clothes on.

FEAR: Sheesh, how are we ever going to pay all these bills?

JEALOUSY: No fair! How come he got this bonus and I didn’t?!

Counselors warn us that if we think negative thoughts for too long, then we’re in danger of acting on those thoughts.

Thoughts drive actions, usually, (unless an action is a gut response). And so the logic goes, for instance, that if we think hateful thoughts long enough, pretty soon we become a person who’s full of hate, and then we act on that hate. That is, our hate-thoughts will become hate-crimes.

Ghandi famously put it this way:

Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.

With respect to Ghandi, I’d say he’s partially right about this one. Sometimes your thoughts become your destiny and sometimes not. You might think lustful thoughts your entire life and never actually have an affair. You might think hateful thoughts for years and never actually murder someone, although you’re dancing on the edge of destruction.

Regardless, I’d say a related danger always exists whenever you let thoughts run wild--

You waste your life.

And that’s a big problem for anyone. Me included.

Say you wake at 3 a.m., and a fear about money floats into your mind. Which would you rather do—stay awake for the next four hours tossing and turning? Or take charge of your thought-life and return to a restful sleep?

Or say you see a fine-featured woman walking down the street? Which would you rather have? A marriage filled with lust, where you’re continually longing for other women? Or a marriage filled with satisfaction, where you’re continually thinking about how to best love your wife?

So, what do you do?

A primer on proactive thinking

Here’s a solution for taking charge of your thought-life.

Be forewarned, it comes from scripture. I realize not everyone who reads this blog has a faith-based value system, and as I’ve said before, that’s okay, I’m glad you read this blog. After I offer this solution, I’ll offer a faith-based application as well as a secular one. So keep reading, compadres, no matter what you believe.

One solution to taking control of your thought-life is found in Psalms 1, where the writer says,

Blessed is the man … [who] meditates day and night on God’s law.

The word ‘meditate’ means to mentally chew on something. You purposely place something in your mind and mull it.

You take charge of your mind.

According to this directive, you do well if you mediate on God’s law, namely, on passages of scripture.

If you’re not-faith based, the general principle still holds true: you do well by purposely placing something positive in your mind. You proactively think positive thoughts.

How is that done? You imagine something honorable. You mentally recite a famous quote. You focus on the words to a song that lifts you up rather than puts you down. You remember something admirable.

I don’t know about you, but the most vulnerable thinking times for me are the following:

·        First thing in the morning. It’s far too easy to begin the day in a bad mood. Particularly a Monday. It’s almost expected.

·        Last thing at night. As I’m lying in the dark, it’s easy to let negative thoughts, unrestrained frustrations, and the concerns of the day reign over my mind.

·        When I drive. Particularly a long drive offers time for introspection, reflection, and contemplation. I’m prone to wonder about life’s ‘what ifs.’ I reflect on past conversations and interactions, sometimes angrily or bitterly. I become uneasy about the future.

Here’s the solution put into action:

First thing in the morning, I place into my mind these words below. I’ve memorized this, and the first thing I do when I wake up is purposely choose to run these words through my mind.

Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances;

For this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

At the end of the day, I put in my mind these words. I’ve memorized this, and the last thing I do at night, (or if I wake up in the middle of the night) is purposely choose to run these words through my mind.

Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right,

Whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--

If anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

When I drive, if I’m angry or concerned, I often place these words in my mind:

Do not be anxious about anything,

But in everything by prayer and petition with thanksgiving present your requests to God

And the peace of God which transcends all understanding

Will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Replace the harmful with the helpful

Taking control of your thought-life means you purposely drive your thoughts in the right direction. If a negative or harmful thought comes into your mind, you mentally say, I’m not going to dwell on that.

But it’s about more than saying no.

Because if you just say, “I won’t think about X,” then the very thing you focus on is X. Soon your thoughts churn with keeping X out, denying X, not opening the door to X, and your mind become mesmerized with the removal of X. The harmful thought becomes the elephant in the room.

That cursed pachyderm can only be defeated by displacement. You can’t merely reject a negative thought. You must take action and place a positive thought in your mind instead. You replace the harmful with the helpful.

And you must think about the new helpful thought more than once. You proactively run that positive thought forward and backward again and again. You mentally chew on goodness like it’s a big piece of spearmint gum.

You take charge of your mind.

This post was written by Marcus Brotherton. You can find the original post here:  http://www.patheos.com/blogs/afewgrownmen/2014/04/how-to-take-charge-of-your-thought-life/

My therapist told me that shame -- while a proper emotion when I've committed a shameful act -- carries the potential to confuse me into thinking that there is something wrong with me as a human being. For many people, guilt means "I've done something wrong." But shame means "I am something wrong." If shame is not properly assessed, it can potentially hold me captive, and hinder my progress both spiritually and socially.

In a different therapy session I learned about cognitive distortions. Alcoholics Anonymous grants the same concept a different name: stinkin' thinkin'. Cognitive distortions are thoughts that have been corrupted, distorted, or skewed in such a way as to produce error of reality.

An example of a cognitive distortion would be thinking that someone did not like me because when the person saw me in a public context he or she did not interact with me. The reality of the situation, however, could have had various potentials, none of which had anything to do with how the person feltabout me as a human being.

The danger with cognitive distortions is that they can manifest in a manner in which affects my feelings or emotions. In the above situation, I may have felt rejected because the person did not acknowledge me. This, in turn, could have led me to a desperate need for affection, whereby I looked for intimate and immediate gratification, either sexual or non-sexual, whether with another person or even through pornography. If acted upon, shame is but one result.

Such could have been avoided, though, by considering other options as to why the individual did not acknowledge me. For example, perhaps the person did not see me. Perhaps the person did not recognize me from a distance. Perhaps the person was distracted, being in a hurry, or preoccupied with thoughts of his or her own. But by allowing distorted, presumptuous thoughts to consume my mind, I allowed them to affect my emotions, which then led to wrong behavior, producing feelings of shame.  

Shame can act as a cognitive distortion when it is perceived as though something is wrong with me as a human being. Even in my context, when I sinned against my roommate last year, there was nothing wrong me as a human being. What was wrong within me were cognitive distortions. My corrupt thoughts regarding my roommate affected my feelings toward him, which, in turn, led me to behave in such a way that was sinful and disrespectful of him as both a human being and as a brother in Christ.

The public humiliation of my exposed sin only compounded my shame. I remember, however, a Southern Baptist pastor coming to me in private and encouraging me to find a way past the shame. He shared with me a time in his own life when he had to force himself to move past his own shame for a sin he had committed. He told me that I would be no use for the kingdom until I found a way past the shame.

From therapy I learned that the shame I felt was due to genuine contrition and repentance. I was able, upon months of reflection, to honestly and objectively view my actions as shameful without thinking of myself -- my very existence -- as shameful. I realized that my actions were triggered by my feelings, which were triggered by my cognitive distortions. Had I been thinking properly, or not entertaining distorted thoughts, I, and so many others, could avoided that nightmare I created.

From Scripture I learned that Jesus took the shameful behavior I committed against my roommate upon Himself, though He despised and scorned that shame, and then sat down next to His Father in glory (Heb. 12:2). My sinful, shameful behavior has been cleansed by the blood of Jesus, and I will never be held accountable for it by God. He accounts me as righteous (Rom. 3:21, 22), justified (Rom. 5:1), sanctified (Acts 26:18), and glorified (Rom. 8:30) in Christ, though I have sinned.  

By God's grace and mercy to me in Christ, I am forbidden to accept shame as my identity. I am allowed to feel ashamed of my sinful behavior; but in Christ, having received His forgiveness, I am not permitted to view my existence as one of utter, hopeless shame. Only the gospel of grace grants such overwhelming accomplishment over failure, grief, and shame. I hope that you, in and through union with Christ by the grace of God, will internalize these truths for yourself.   

This honest post was written by William W Birch.  For the original post with comments, go to:  http://www.classicalarminian.com/2013/02/saturday-devotion-shame-and-identity.html

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

God has given us instructions in His Word that prayer is something that every Christian needs to be doing.  Prayer is, simply put, the way we come to know God personally.  Earnest, honest prayer that is filled with praise, confession, thankfulness, and requests is what God desires.  Prayer also needs to be filled with times of solitude, to be free from distractions, so one can hear from God.

1) Is there ever a time we should not pray?  We had a couple of American friends visit us while we were living in Germany and we were out to eat, enjoying the local flammkuchen at a little eatery.  My friend ordered water because he didn't want to spend the money on soda and as the waitress opened the bottle and was about to pour, she told him that the bottle was going to be 6 Euro.  My friend, who didn't understand European customs, didn't remember that we had told him that water is not free in European restaurants.  He became upset and the waitress withdrew his order of water.  Instead she offered soda which was only 2 Euro.  He agreed to that.  However, you could tell that the waitress was visibly upset.  We apologized to her as best we could.  When she brought the flammkuchen to the table, we were about to pray aloud when I said, "I don't think we should pray.  I'm afraid that it would give this waitress a bad impression of Christians."  Now don't get me wrong I think it IS appropriate to pray in public but God reminds us that prayer can become sin.  In this instance we all agreed that praying publicly wasn't God-honoring in this situation.

2) Is there ever a time we should not pray?  I had a friend one time who had a severe debt and asked God to pay the debt for him.  He told everyone the exact amount and prayed fervently (personally, I don't think it's wise to publicly state an exact amount of money).   Within a week, God miraculously provided that money and more.  The person again broadcast the exact amount that God provided.  The reactions were predictable.  "Wow!"  "Prayer works."  "God is so good."  "Praise the Lord!" and so forth...   

I wonder what his friends who have been praying that God would work a miracle in their lives thought when God did not seemingly answer their prayers.  Maybe they were encouraged.  Maybe it lifted their faith.  Maybe it caused them to pray more.  

or 

Maybe it discouraged them.  Maybe they were like, "Why does he always get the breaks?  Why did God answer his prayers and not mine?"  Maybe they told themselves, "I guess I have to pray harder."  

I wonder what the reaction would have been if God had not provided the amount or the amount with extra to spare.  "Is God still good?"  "Does prayer still work?"

3) Finally, I believe that God can heal people.   God may choose to heal miraculously or he may heal slowly or he may heal at the hands of doctors.  Healing is a biblical concept.

My friend had fallen on an icy patch and went to see his physician who told him it would be 6-8 weeks before he would be pain free.  He was having severe pain and muscle spasms.  He believed he was going to lose his job because he could hardly move.  As he told me, just two days later, you can tell his pain was real.  He was almost in tears as he was describing what he was going thru.  When he was talking, I heard clearly in my mind, "You need to pray for him."  So when he finished I grabbed a couple more guys and we prayed for him on the spot.  I walked away thinking, "OK I did what God told me to do.  I was obedient. But nothing's gonna happen."

The next morning, I felt prompted to pray for him again and I did during my devotions.  Later that day, I texted him.  Here's the convo:

Me:  How did it go today?
Him:  Pain free and awesome, thanks for asking :-)
Me:  You're kidding! No pain?  The MD said 6-8 weeks.
Him:  No pain, no spasms, no discomfort, no kidding!
Me:  Wow!  So work was good?
Him:  It was great!

I was floored.  I told Karyn about his healing and I said, "this is scary.  God answered our prayers for his healing."  Karyn said, "why is that scary?"  I said, "because I obeyed and God healed.  What else does that mean God wants to do?"  

Later that week, I talked to my friend in person.  He said when he woke up the next day (the day after we prayed together) he got ready for work and had forgotten all about his pain until I texted him.  He said that it was then that he realized that God had healed him.  

When I heard of his healing, I had mixed emotions:

- I had doubt.  "Did God really do that?"  
- I had some fear.  "What else will happen if I pray?  Will God do it again?"   
 
but also

- I became more encouraged to pray right away with people in need.  

- I had my faith lifted.

There may be people who heard of my friend's healing who may have also asked themselves, "Why won't God heal me?  I have asked God numerous times and nothing has changed."  Maybe his healing caused them to feel discouraged.  

Yet...

Who knows the mind of God?  
Who can understand the ways He works?  
Who can bring an accusation before God?

These are all definitively unanswerable in my mind.  

Still, I will pray.
I continue to attempt to understand, trust and believe.  
I try to rejoice with those who have their prayers answered.
I mourn with those who don't seemingly have their prayers answered.

Yet, even in my imperfection and weakness, I point to God.  What we see can't be all there is...

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

Temptation can come when you least expect it.  We have talked earlier about how to resist temptation and how to anticipate temptation.  We have also talked about a young man intentionally using something holy to sin as well as tempt others to sin.

It is clear that temptation occurs and it is also clear that temptation itself is not sin.  If you remember, Jesus was tempted and He was sinless.  

Temptation can come out of nowhere and it is important to keep one's head so that temptation does not take you down.  We would like to think temptation cannot occur during a Holy event.  However, those times are not devoid of opportunities to be tempted.

Let me give you an example from my own life.

The service was over, and I was sitting in a pew talking to someone in another pew, preparing to leave.  Karyn had gone to get the boys because I was busy talking as usual.  The next thing I knew, an attractive blond woman came over and sat next to me and started talking to me.  That was OK but then, she put her hand on my leg.  

My radar went up because I kinda liked it.  There were very few people around.  However, a thought came into my head.  "Get outta there, now!"  And that's what I did.  

So, what do I do now?  This woman attends this church.  How can I prevent this temptation from occurring again?  

The answer is honesty.

Later that day, I had an honest conversation with Karyn.  I told her what happened and how I felt.  She had a great suggestion for helping me with this temptation.  She said, "If I see this woman talking to you after church, I will send one of the boys to come and get you."  And that's what happened.  The woman approached me the next week and one of my boys came running over to me and said, "hey, Mom needs you!"  I excused myself and took off with my son.

Do you know what happened after that?  The woman didn't approach me anymore.  Temptation is not always avoided this easily, but this time one simple suggestion worked marvelously. 

There are important principles to remember here.  

- Don't toy with temptation.  

- Don't think that you can handle temptation by yourself.  

- Be honest about your temptation to someone you can trust who can help you not fall prey to sin.  

- Ask God to give you His wisdom so that you can recognize when temptation comes along.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

"How do I know when it's God talking to me or the devil?"  

             This is a question that I get quite a bit in my correspondence and
                                   conversations with people.






I have met different people who discern God's will or God's voice in curious ways:

• One person told me that the plant on his microwave will blow in a certain direction that tells him the next thing he thinks/hears is God talking to him.
  
• Another person told me that when he spends time in prayer, he has the window open.  If the curtains blow out, the answer from God is yes.  If the curtains suck into the window, the answer from God is no.  
• Yet, another person told me that when he prays, he stands as still and as upright as he can and while he's praying about a decision, if he leans to the right, the answer is no.  If he leans to the right, the answer is yes.  
• I have also had people (who were not psychotic) tell me that God tells them answers thru the people talking on the television.
• Another individual told me that he looks for signs.  For example, he was contemplating whether to take a job in Wyoming and he saw someone wearing a Wyoming shirt shortly after praying.  He wondered if that was God leading.

Jesus had a little something to say about this.  He says that wicked and adulterous people are always looking for a sign.  It seems to me that much of what Christians call discerning God's voice amounts to not much more than folk religion.  Folk religion is unreflective religious beliefs based largely upon feeings, cliches, devotional literature and "evangelegends."

Folk religion is not God honoring.  In my discussions with those five people above, I can assure you that they came up with some pretty goofy ideas about what God was saying.  God is clear, He says if anyone lacks wisdom, we just need to ask Him.  As Christians, we now have the indwelling of God's Holy Spirit.  We no longer need to consult the urim and thummim.  Nor do we need to cast lots to make decisions.  

However, if you read my post yesterday, I wrote about how the devil tries to remind of our sins and failures.  

How, do we know when its the devil is giving us a hard time or God's Holy Spirit convicting us of something that needs to change?

The answer is simple.  The devil hates you.  God loves you.  Once you get that concept firmly in your mind, discerning which voice is which becomes less problematic.  

Now, I'm not saying that we have the devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other.  I'm not wanting this to be caricatured.  
My experience is often it is not the devil speaking to me but it is my own sinfulness getting in the way.  
My own sin nature speaks to me.  

Nevertheless, if you hear a thought that says, "you know, you really are a pathetic excuse for a Christian.  You are such a hypocrite, you are so selfish."  Does that sound like a hateful thought or a loving thought?  I can tell you that thought either came from your own sinfulness or the devil (or maybe even both).  Do you see what that thought does?  It cuts you down at the very core of your being it attacks you as a child of God.  It's like being blasted with a shotgun.

Now, let's say you hear a thought that says, "you know, you just spoke about how you didn't like that style of worship.  Did you consider that worship can take many forms?  You need to apologize for what you just said."  Does that sound like a hateful thought or a loving thought?  Do you see what that thought does?  It is clear and concise.  It doesn't attack you as a child of God.  It's like a single bullet shot right into your pride.  

So, are you seeing the difference?  When you have a thought and it feels like you have been blasted with a shotgun, that the thought was so diffuse, you can bet that it's not from God...

God's Holy Spirit is a sniper.  He shoots clean and hits his target.  There is no collateral damage.  

When the devil speaks, its to entice you away from God.  To destroy how you view yourself before God.  

When God speaks to you, it's to attract you to Him. 

Paul's words ring true when discerning the voice of God, "Therefore, there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

I was tasked with assessing a man regarding his sexual addiction.  

Unfortunately, his tale was all too familiar.  

As he sat across from me telling me that he is now considered a sexual offender and must register with the local police every time he moves, he started to unfold his story.  He told me that he had found his Dad's stash of Playboy and Hustler magazines when he was just eight years old.  

That is a bad sign...  The earlier a man is exposed to porn the greater are his chances that he will become addicted and the greater are his chances of getting into legal trouble.

The more he looked at porn, the more he wanted to look at porn.  (Interesting cycle, don't you think?)  The more he looked at porn, the more he fantasized about doing what he was watching on the porn movies.  

The more he watched porn, the less developed his social skills became.  This happens because porn causes a man to be selfish and just think about his own pleasure.  Friendships are unnecessary.  Girls are unnecessary because the girls in porn movies and magazines are always accessible and there for a man's pleasure.

It's a terrible cycle that entraps a man.  He wants to approach girls but fears rejection.  He wants to do the things he fantasizes about but he fears she will say no.  Finally, his isolation led him to frustration and he decided he would act upon some of his fantasies.  

A really weird thing about men addicted to porn is that they think that women are turned on by seeing male genitalia.  The porn that men watch gives a terribly distorted perspective of sexuality.  In actuality, women are more attracted to an intimate relationship than the male physique.

This man started to act upon his fantasies from the porn that he had been viewing over the years.  

One of his fantasies was that he would "accidentally" leave his zipper down and a woman would notice and become aroused.   He would walk around in grocery stores with his zipper down, fantasizing about his inevitable sexual encounter.  He was disappointed that no women noticed.

So, he developed another plan.  He decided that he would sit in his car close to the exits of stores with his pants open and hope that women would see and become aroused.  That didn't work either.  

So, his next step would be to call women over to his car, "to ask a question" and hope that with his pants open, they would notice, be sexually aroused and want to be with him.   He continued to be very disappointed.

He thought, because of his distorted perspective of women and sexuality, that what women were wanting to see was that he was sexually aroused, that he was erect, ready for sex.  So, he would sit in his car and fantasize about a woman jumping into his car and they would drive to a secluded place for a sexual encounter.  

One morning, while he was sitting in his car masturbating and fantasizing, he rolled his window down and asked a woman to come over because he had a "question" he wanted to ask her.  She approached his car, looked at him and where his hand was and instantly became repulsed.  She noted his license plate and called the police when she got home.  

She made a report to the police and he was arrested and prosecuted.  His prosecution was made public, his family was embarrassed and he lost his job.  

As he finished his story, I asked, "have you gotten rid of your porn?"  I knew his answer would be "no."  I was right.  The court wanted recommendations at the end of my assessment.  My recommendations were necessary:  no cable tv, no vcr/dvd player, no internet, no smart phone, no porn.  If he was caught in possession of any of these items, he would go to prison.  Also, he needed intensive counseling.  If this failed, then he would need residential treatment.

However, when the judge found out that he had not given up his porn, he acted swiftly.  This man immediately went to prison.  

Wouldn't it be nice if all of my stories ended in a positive note?  

This is a depressing, disgusting story.

Porn wins.

"Behold, you have sinned against the LORD and be sure that your sin will find you out."

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.