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Wedlease:  A great idea that's finally come of age?

9/4/2013

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Here at Ironstrikes, we don't advocate the "wedlease" but simply post the article about the "wedlease" here without editorial comment.

We all know that far too many marriages end in divorce, yet this institution does not adapt. Indeed, most Americans today want to expand conventional marriage to include same-sex couples.

So why is there no effort to improve the legal structure of marriage, when it shows itself to be deficient?

Marriage is a legal partnership that lasts a lifetime — one lifetime to be exact, that of the first of the spouses to die. Generally speaking, that is a long time for any partnership. People, circumstances and all sorts of other things change. The compatibility of any two people over decades may decline with these changes to the point of extinction.

In real estate, one may own a life estate in a piece of property. This is comparable to the term of a marriage — a lifetime. And in real estate, one may hold possession of property for shorter terms through a lease.

Why don’t we borrow from real estate and create a marital lease? Instead of wedlock, a “wedlease.”

Here’s how a marital lease could work: Two people commit themselves to marriage for a period of years — one year, five years, 10 years, whatever term suits them. The marital lease could be renewed at the end of the term however many times a couple likes. It could end up lasting a lifetime if the relationship is good and worth continuing. But if the relationship is bad, the couple could go their separate ways at the end of the term. The messiness of divorce is avoided and the end can be as simple as vacating a rental unit.

A marital lease could describe the property of the spouses in detail, so separate ownership is clear. If a couple wishes to buy something together, or share ownership, they can keep a schedule of these items and decide as they go along how these would be disposed of in the event of a partner’s death or if they do not renew their wedlease. Landlords and tenants have proved the effectiveness of making clear their separate property and its disposition at the end of property leases.

If the couple has a child, there could be an option to have the lease automatically continue until the child reaches the age of majority. Of course, relationships change with family additions and an extended term may not be feasible. But considering the number of children born out of wedlock these days, would it not be better for parents to at least commit to a wedlease, even if it doesn’t last a lifetime?

A wedlease could also imitate a real-estate lease through the use of security deposits. Each spouse could deposit a sum of money with an independent third party to ensure compliance with the wedlease. A further step could be to authorize the third party to arbitrate disputes between the spouses.

Our society has become comfortable with premarital and postnuptial contracts. The marital lease would be similar, except that it addresses the reality that the marital relationship between two people often does not last a lifetime.

When a college noticed that students did not use sidewalks around a courtyard but cut across the lawn for efficiency, administrators decided to move the sidewalks rather than continuing to post signs to “Keep off the grass” that people ignored. Similarly, why doesn’t society make the legal structure of marriage more congruent to our behavior? A wedlease may be a practical improvement to an institution whose success, today, is something of a coin toss.

This post was written by attorney, Paul Rampell.  You can find the original post here:  http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/a-high-divorce-rate-means-its-time-to-try-wedleases/2013/08/04/f2221c1c-f89e-11e2-b018-5b8251f0c56e_story.html

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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Actively engage in community 

10/12/2012

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When Paul says we are to “walk in the Spirit” he is writing to a church community, not just to random individuals reading his letter in their private corners. Keeping in step with the Spirit of God is a community activity, something we do together. 

 During anti-porn week, we identified from secular research what viewing porn does to a person.   This week presents practical advice of how to stay away from the influence of porn.

In other words, we keep in step with the Spirit by keeping in step with one another. We must live lifestyles of encouragement and accountability. 

Nothing slays the power of sin like confession. James writes, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed” (James 5:16). In confessing our sins to God we are promised forgiveness. In confessing sin to others we are made whole. 

Sin must be habitually exposed to the light of confession. This is called accountability: being honest with another trusted believer about our temptations, sins, and the state of our heart. Like Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, after eating of the forbidden fruit, our knee-jerk reaction is to hide—to hide from God and from one another. Accountability is the willingness to habitually and regularly allow others access to your heart, your motives, your secret desires, your dark thoughts, and, of course, your sinful actions. 

How does this relate to pornography? The late psychologist, Dr. Al Cooper, believed three main factors draw people into online sexual activity:

1. Accessibility (porn is accessible easily from any Internet connection) 

2. Affordability (millions of free or very cheap images are available online) 

3. Anonymity (home computers and Smartphones have made it very easy to be secretive) 

He dubbed this the “Triple-A Engine” of Internet porn. 

These three factors work like three legs on a stool: remove just one of the legs and the stool will fall (or at least make it awkward to sit on).

The easiest leg to remove is the leg of  anonymity, or secrecy. We do this by becoming accountable to others about the time we spend online, taking away the option to hide our Internet activity. 

One way to do this is through the use of Covenant Eyes Internet Accountability. This software program monitors your home computer, work computer, or smartphone and then sends a detailed report of your Internet activity to a trusted friend, spouse, or mentor. Covenant Eyes, which pioneered this concept, also rates websites for mature content, flagging specific web searches and sites. 

Confession of sin is not the only goal of Christian community. In the face of each other’s weaknesses, we need to encourage one another to fight sin. The author of Hebrews says, “let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near” (Heb. 10:24-25). 

This can be called “responsive accountability.” When we give an account of our sins to someone else, in return, they should listen and then give an account of God’s gospel promises to us. 

In this text, God calls us to “stir up” one another—that is, to urge, to spur on, to provoke, to motivate each other—to love and good deeds. Each time we meet together we should be contemplating and praying, “God, show me how I can really motivate my friend to resist temptation and instead love You and others wholeheartedly.” We are to have a hardcore intentionality and thoughtfulness in our friendships. 

Like the embers of a red-hot fire, we stir up the fire not by adding heat to it, but rather by exposing the glowing embers to the air, helping to bring out of the embers the energy that is in them already. If the Spirit of God is in us, He has already planted His holy desires into our hearts. He has etched his law on our hearts (Jer. 31:33-34; Ez. 36:25-27). But He has also placed us in the family of the church, among trusted friends who are also filled with His Spirit, in order that we might stir up in each other what God has already put in us.

This post is taken from the booklet, YOUR BRAIN ON PORN by Luke Gilkerson.  The booklet can be found at:  http://www.covenanteyes.com/brain-ebook/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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Esau Redeemed

7/25/2012

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God can never be put into a box.  When you think that a story is over or God has done all He can do in a situation, He reminds you that He has plans for us that we could never think, dream or even imagine.

If you remember from the previous two posts, there was a pastor and cattleman.  The pastor lived a godly life.  The cattleman lived life like Esau:  desiring to be the best, be the manliest, having the most and grabbing all you can from life because "you only go around once."  He lived a life of sensuality.  The cattleman wasn't a bad man, he just slightly missed the mark. 

God was working in the cattleman's sons' lives.  One of the cattleman's sons finally came to himself.  He had experienced heartache and sadness from his father, his siblings, his wives and his children.  All of these heart wrenching experiences finally brought him to the point where he realized that the way he experiences life leads to moral, financial and spiritual bankruptcy.  

This man became what God desired of him.  He found comfort in being with the family of the pastor, visiting them frequently and enjoyed having them to his home.  There was a real change in his heart.  There was a tenderness that he had never experienced before as he let God have more and more of his past, present and future.  

Life continued to be difficult for the one cattleman's son.  He still had the pain of his upbringing to deal with.  Some of his behavior had become so automatic that he still found himself grabbing for two pieces of bread and challenging the pastor's sons in manliness, but now, he was listening when the Holy Spirit reminded him that he was a new man.  

He still had to face his siblings and he worked hard to break down the Esau spirit in their relationships.  His own children, who experienced the pain of his lifestyle, finally were able to see that their father had truly changed.    He was now working tirelessly to make up for lost time and become more of what God desired for him all along.  

The cattleman's son's life is not over.  His life is not what it should have been but it is becoming what it could have been.  He learned an exciting principle in which he is applying to his life:  it is never too late to do the right thing.  

So, as we conclude this three-part story of living like Esau, I ask you for two things:

1)  Will you take a moment and pray for this cattleman's son?  Ask God to continue to mold this man into being the man of God that he can be.

2)  Consider your own life.  Do you live like Esau?  Are you looking out for yourself and looking for the best, seeking sensuality and the immediate gratification of your desires?  

If so, it is never too late to do the right thing.  

Ask God to change you.  

Become the man that God knows you can be.  

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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Living like Esau (part two)

7/24/2012

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(Continued from yesterday)

As the sons of these two men grew up, they each went their respective ways, moving to various parts of the country.  The difference was, the pastor's sons wanted to return to see their father.  The sons, all leaders in their own right in different parts of the country, enjoyed their father's advice, steadiness, humble strength and faith in God.  

The cattleman's sons did not want to see their father.  

In fact, they did their best to avoid him.  

Unfortunately, when they would visit their father, it wasn't uncommon for the cattleman and his sons to physically as well as verbally fight each other.  They would argue over cattle, land, money, food.  The cattleman's sons also had trouble in staying married to their first wives.  They and their children experienced the pain of separation, divorce, remarriage, anger, suspicion and the like.

So, now, we are getting to the end of our story.  What happened to these two men?  These men chose different paths for themselves and their family experienced the consequences of these men's choices.  

The cattleman died.  He didn't experience a long illness.  Just one day, he was no longer part of this earth.  The world woke up one morning and he did not.  The land and the cattle that he once owned were divided and sold.  His sons avoided each other.   The sensuality that the cattleman pursued, led to disjointed, isolated, marginally spiritual offspring.  His children rarely got together.  When they did, peace did not rule their relationships.

The pastor lived a long life.  He outlived the cattleman by a good 20 years.  His children stayed faithful to their spouses.  Interestingly, the years after the cattleman died became very rich for the pastor.  God's blessings increased exponentially.  God increased his faithfulness with abundance.  The pastor enjoyed his children, his grandchildren and quite a few great-grandchildren.  The pastor had made several, quiet, steady investments over the years and he found that he was experiencing the most financial success he had ever had.  He needed nothing.  God gave him all he needed and more.  

More importantly, the pastor enjoyed the spiritual success of his progeny.  Several of them followed in his footsteps and went into full-time ministry.  The other children became integral parts of their respective churches, supporting God's work both inside and outside the church.  All became leaders in their community/profession.  The pastor was able to see his heritage for several generations.  God blessed him with the opportunity to see that his steadiness, and his pursuit of "God first" paid off with eternal rewards.  

You see not only did this pastor and his progeny do well, but many of the people who were affected by his ministry over the years were blessed by this pastor's steadiness and quiet confidence in God's ability to care for his children.

However, just when it seems like a story is over, God does something amazing.  Just when you think you have God all figured out, He moves.  Tomorrow we will  discuss Esau Redeemed.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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Becoming one in marriage

6/1/2012

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Once we were slaves on the auction block of sin.  We stood broken by every evil and foolish thing we'd ever done.  Yet, our pure Master inexplicably saw value in us, paying for our freedom with His blood that we might serve Him.  Experiencing His great love, we returned His love by working in His kingdom, happily marked by the Holy Spirit.

A husband's position as leader cannot be separated from God's call to submission, and the bondservant model of love can and must serve as our paradigm of leadership.  A bondservant loves his master as he loves himself, and he's committed to helping his master fully live and fully blossom as a person.

But my wife is not my master!  True, but becoming-one-with-her-essence is your master.  You submit your rights in whatever way necessary as leader to attain this, not because she has authority over you, but because you love her.  You've been commanded to love her in precisely this way by someone who does have authority over     you -- Jesus Christ.

This post is taken from EVERY MAN'S MARRIAGE 

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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Making a pig of yourself

1/27/2012

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Has porn taken you down a path you can't talk about?  What about lust, envy, pride?  Do you find yourself wallowing in the mud?  

You WERE a prodigal eating old cobs of leftovers in the pigsty.  To restore your relationship with your Father, you had to get out of the mud and start walking home.  You didn't have to clean yourself up first, but you did have to make that first step.  On the road ahead, the Father would be waiting with a ring, a robe, shoes, and everything else an honored son is meant to have.  But, FIRST, you had to come to your senses and take your first step  toward home --toward purity--toward holiness--to being a REAL man--by making that covenant with your eyes.  "I made a covenant with myself to never undress a girl with my eyes"  Job 31:1

Before long you may have felt a new light and lightness in your soul.  Your sexual sin had brought a darkness so deep and smothering that when it vanished, the difference was so real you could practically touch it.  You are loved and approved by God.

Along with inner peace comes an outer peace that affects your daily life.  Now is the time, say a quick prayer asking for God's strength to leave your sin and your pigheadedness.  

BE HOLY
BE A MAN

adapted from Every Man's Battle

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