Blog Archives - IRONSTRIKES

Predicting temptation

7/31/2014

There is an important principle in handling temptation. Did you know that many times, you can anticipate temptation?

Look at the picture of this mountain path and I will try and describe this principle to you. Imagine yourself at the bottom of this mountain and you want to reach the top. The path circles around the mountain, rather circuitously and over time, you get to where you know this mountain fairly well. You know that when you get to the east side of the mountain, the drop is shear and the side is craggy and the path is treacherous. Fortunately, for you, the path has rails (like in the picture) that help you stay steady. On the north face of the mountain, the wind is very brisk, you almost feel like you will be blown off the path. On the west side, the path is lush and covered with trees that shield you from the rain and sun. On the south side, it is stark and barren and the sun or the rain beats down upon you miserably.

You know pretty much what's coming ahead because you have been there before. So you continue on your journey in anticipation. You know that you need support when you come to the slippery east side. You know that you need to grab trees and use your walking cane on the windy north side. You know that you can take it easy and enjoy yourself on the west side. You know that you need to apply protection to prevent sunburn on the south side.

Usually, as you traverse up a mountain, it takes less time to go around it because it is usually smaller the further up you go. Just like temptation, the more you prepare for it and the more times you say no to temptation, the easier the path.

Do you have the picture? Do you get what I am saying?

Think of this path as your life. You can pretty much predict what will happen if you go certain places. If you have to go someplace treacherous, get some support. Take someone with you, be accountable when you go there. If you find yourself in a place that can blow you off your feet, look for trees and walking canes that you can grab onto. If you are in the heat and need to apply SONSCREEN, ask God for His protection.

This is the principle to handling temptation: Anticipate, think, plan, pray. Use your brain. Trust the Holy Spirit's guidance.

You can't use the excuse, "I just couldn't help myself, after all I'm only human." God gave you a brain, you're not stupid. You're not an animal that just reacts. You can think and plan ahead...

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

My thanks to Tom Eisenman for this concept.

Temptation: Hard to Resist

7/30/2014

The weight, thrust and speed of a plane at a specific moment during take off necessitates a point of no return, no time to pull up or abort the take off, it must continue regardless of what is in front of them. Ever had that feeling as you sit in front of the computer screen?

I think we all recognise the process of taking off into the soul destroying world of pornography, the taxi onto the run way, the slow process of picking up speed and that moment of no return. I have found that I am not strong enough to abort the take off once I am on the runway, the key is to discover the triggers that propel me to even get into the plane. Having mechanisms such as the great software at xxxchurch helps to abort the take off but doesn't stop the triggers from instigating my hearts journey into pornography.

Sometimes these triggers are easier to spot than others, having a really crap day, everybody has unloaded and dumped their waste on me or just times of undue stress will get me looking for a quick release, I now recognise this and am able to instigate a pre determined process of accountability and strategies of distance from computers etc.

The problem really comes to the fore when multiple triggers happen all at once with my largest trigger being 'aloneness' coupled with stress, depression or even euphoria over a successful 'event'. As I write this my wife is on a plane to the other end of the country for five days during which, I have the four kids (3yrs to 11yrs), childcare, school, work, an end off year bible college assignment due, a blog to write, my two monthly tax to complete a men's event and just to top it off my wife and I have not had sex for at least a week (just keepin it real). I tell you the odds are stacked, my boarding pass to late night destruction is all but purchased, am I worried? Yep! So I have instigated some rules, I have recognised triggers, I am planned but all it takes is for one more thing, that left field attack and all laid plans could be out the window.

So what do I do, I have safety nets, I recognise triggers but its still going to be a tough week and i am going to need something extra. I cannot stress enough the love and power available in Christ. I have done all I can, in my own strength, so to not get to the point of no return but my heart is cunning, deceptive and somewhat selfish on its own and a continual leaning into Jesus, the lover of my soul, will be required. What does that mean? It means that I am more like the tax collectors, Gentiles, non believers that Jesus came to be a great physician to and He enjoys being invited into my home and on top of the accountability team, the software, the rules around computer use I also have the God of the universe in my corner, cheering for me, providing the vision of wholeness, and giving strength when mine runs out. I just need to lean into Him when all the guns are pointing in my direction with triggers just waiting to go off. It is a partnership that I am reliant on, a partnership that requires me to do my part but also one that requires me to lean into Him.

Do not leave out the greatest power, strength and love that can be offered, Jesus desires for you and me to be whole and as we spend time in His word, in prayer, and just sitting in His presence we have something completely 'other' that we can call upon when the triggers to destruction start taking over.

This post was written by Jason Baird of XXX Church. You can find the original post with comments here: http://www.xxxchurch.com/men/what-do-i-do-when-temptation-is-getting-hard-to-resist.html

Walking down that street

7/29/2014

We were visiting Amsterdam, exploring shops and the canals. At one shop on the canal there were the most beautiful flowers you have ever seen. It was a wonderful day. Everything was perfect. We were walking hand-in-hand enjoying Amsterdam. Kinda like two kids at a zoo. Excitement. Fun. Happiness.

The next thing I know, Karyn says, "don't look right." So, I put my right hand up to block my view. Then she said, "don't look left." So, I put up my left hand to block my view. So, now, I am walking down this street on this beautiful day looking like a horse with blinders. I said, "what's going on?" Karyn said, "we've stumbled into the Red Light District." I dropped my hands and looked around and yep, she was right. There were some windows with scantily clad women beckoning us to come in. We promptly turned around and left that street.

You ask, "how in the world didn't you know that you were entering the most famous Red Light District in the world?" Well, it was still bright out, even though we didn't realize the sun was starting to descend. If it had been dark, we would have seen the red lights warning us that we had wandered into "adult" territory.

So, what does this story tell us about temptation?

Well, I was certainly glad that I had my wife with me. She saw things up ahead that I hadn't noticed. She loves me and wants to protect our marriage. So, if you are doing something new, something you have never done before, it would be good to not be alone. Because you never know what is on that street.

The person you take with you needs to be committed to holiness and purity. S/he needs to be able to stop you when you start to go somewhere you shouldn't be going. Because you never know what is on that street.

Temptation sneaks up on you when you least suspect. We were having a great time. Exploring Amsterdam, enjoying the sunshine and building memories. Then, boom! There it is. Right in front of you. Sometimes, we are lulled into complacency or feeling really good and then we are blindsided. Temptation can come from anywhere. You know why?

Because you never know what is on that street.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

Don't walk down that street

7/28/2014

The Beaver was just sent money from his rich uncle for his birthday. Beaver signed for it at the post office and his parents didn't know that he had the money.

His friend, Gilbert, went to the post office with him. On the way to the post office, Beaver was telling Gilbert about this race car that he had been admiring in the toy store window for the last month. However, Beaver's dad said that Beaver had plenty of race cars and he needed to "get that idea" out of his head of ever owning it. After picking up the birthday money from the post office, they both noticed that Beaver's uncle sent him a $10 bill. The car cost $9.13 I think you know where this story is going...

Gilbert: Hey, let's walk down this street on the way home (Beaver complies)
Beaver: Gilbert why did we choose this street?
Gilbert: We always walk down this street Beaver.
Beaver: (standing in front of the toy store) I don't think we should've walked down this street.
Gilbert: It doesn't hurt to look, let's go inside.
Beaver: OK but I'm not buying, I need to talk to my dad first.
Beaver: (walking out of the store) I don't know how it happened, I wasn't going to buy it. I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD HAVE WALKED DOWN THIS STREET.

The story continues where Beaver has to tell one lie to cover up another and before you know it, being totally honest is a very difficult thing for him. Wally knows the truth and he even lies for Beaver.

What can the Beaver teach us about how to be a real man?
1) Sometimes, our "friends" don't have our best interests at heart.
2) If you have to lie/deceive, then you are getting yourself into trouble.
3) If you have to lie/deceive to cover up your lies/deception, you're getting yourself into deeper trouble.
4) If your lying/deceiving causes someone else to lie/deceive others, you're getting into even deeper trouble.
5) Many temptations can be avoided: IF YOU KNOW YOU HAVE A WEAKNESS, DON'T PUT YOURSELF IN A SITUATION WHERE YOU KNOW YOU WILL BE TEMPTED
6) It is never to late to do the right thing. No matter how profound your deception, your life will be better if you come clean.
7) Even when you finally do the right thing, you will have consequences from your past, but your past will no longer have control over you.
8) When you finally do the right thing, you will find out who your real friends are and you will also find support from those who really care.

So, when you hear the Holy Spirit telling you, "maybe we shouldn't walk down this street" it would be good to listen.

Don't walk down that street.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

Sunday Meditation

7/27/2014

He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Isaiah 53:3

Many people have the impression that good Christians are happy, joyful, victorious people. In this fantasy, good Christians are people whose problems seem to vanish when they trust God

and pray about it. Unaffected by the pain of life, these relentlessly cheerful people read the Bible, sing praise songs and feel no pain.

Yet Christians are at heart the followers of a man who was named 'man of sorrows.' Jesus was not relentlessly cheerful. He did not practice a mood altering, pain-numbing religion. He grieved. He wept. He was familiar with suffering. Our God is a God who knows suffering. God grieves.

In those times when we shame ourselves for our sorrow, it can be an enormous encouragement to remember that God is personally familiar with grief. If God grieves, we can expect to do the same.

God, you surprise me again!
When I grieve, I think that if I could just cheer up,
you would be pleased.
But, you grieve also.
Man of Sorrows you are acquainted with sorrow.
Thank you for understanding.
Thank you for grieving.
Help me to experience your presence in my time of grief.

Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan
National Association for Christian Recovery

5 Things I learned from Mrs Davis

7/26/2014

“Landon, did you read chapter 7 like you were told to do for today’s quiz?” Of course I did…who is actually going to say no to that question? There can be nothing more exciting in life than an entire chapter on the wonders of the preposition. In fact, I couldn’t put the book down Mrs. Davis…I didn’t sleep at all and felt like I needed to read the chapter 10 times just to make it really soak in.

Okay, so I didn’t really say that when Mrs. Davis asked me the question. I thought it though. Her question was somewhat annoying because she knew I didn’t read it. I mean, with my active social calender, reading a chapter that explores a part of speech was not on my priority list. She loved this stuff though. You could tell that this got her up in the morning. I, however did not get the same rush out of 6th grade english class. My quiz score that day showed it too. Also, the fact that I was known to turn in the occassional late assignment because “I forgot my notebook at home”. That was my go-to excuse…but she didn’t buy it. She was good…really good.

I loved Mrs. Davis…even though she was a little too excited about adverbs…really excited (english nerds will get that pun). Every day I came to 6th grade english, I was confronted by a woman who put up with me and made it her mission to help me grow in knowledge. She taught me more than just how to diagram a sentence (I shutter).

Today, I want to share 5 things in that I learned from this amazing educator.

1. Your work reflects your integrity- Many times I came to class unprepared. It was no one’s fault but my own. I had made laziness a fine art that was perfectly honed over time. One day, Mrs. Davis sat me down and talked to me about how it was unfair for me to not put in the effort when others tried so hard. I really didn’t listen at the time, but in my adult life this has proven to be true.

2. Shut your mouth- Deep in the recesses of my memory, I can recall a few times where I may have been told to quiet down in class. Okay…I admit it…I was a talker. I still am in fact. There were times that I had wonderful grades on my report card and there would be comments that would indicate that I was an “excessive talker”, and I tended to be a “distraction to others”. I looked at it as sharing my wisdom with my classmates…that and I really wanted them to laugh in the middle of quiet reading time. Overall, I learned, just like it says in the book of Proverbs, those who remain silent are often assumed wise.

3. It’s okay to not know the answer- I would get so upset with myself everytime I would raise my hand and my answer would be wrong. I felt inadequate. I felt humiliated. Looking back on it I realize it was silly to feel this way, but I wanted to be right. I think, sometimes, we discount the importance of being corrected. Our pride often gets in the way and we miss opportunities for learning and growth. It’s okay to admit that there are things you need to learn.

4. Your discomfort should not control your action- There were times when I would have given anything to avoid doing that book report. The book was not exciting and all I wanted to do was go out and play after school instead of putting some time in typing an essay on a book I picked out of the library solely based on how many pages it had…When I took it seriously, though, I found that I expanded my mind more than I thought I would. Push through the urge to reject discomfort. It can lead to growth.

5. Passion is contagious- When the end of the year came, I realized that I had gained a deep love for reading and writing that continues this to this day. Mrs. Davis loved what she did and wanted others to share the same passion. It worked. People loved her class and, as much as I would have hated to admit it then, she made learning fun.

God speaks truth to people in many ways, and through many people with many different occupations. I am grateful that he used this teacher to speak to me at a time when I really needed to hear wisdom. My hope is that many more can learn from the lessons God taught me.

This post was written by Rev DeCrastos. For the original post, go to: http://other-words.net/2014/07/19/5-things-i-learned-from-mrs-davis/

This decision can make or break your marriage

7/25/2014

So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don't get tied up again in slavery to the law. Galatians 5:1

We had just finished speaking at a camp in the San Juan Islands off the coast of Washington when a small plane buzzed over head and landed on a nearby airstrip. A few minutes later the pilot was flying us over the islands of Puget Sound and we were approaching the lights of a local airport.

“The most important thing about landing is the attitude of the plane,” said the pilot.

“You mean altitude, don’t you?” We asked.

“No,” the pilot explained. “The attitude has to do with the nose of the plane. If the attitude is too high the plane will come down with a severe bounce. And if the attitude is too low the plane may go out of control because of excessive landing speed.”

Then the pilot said something that got my attention: “The trick is to get the right attitude in spite of atmospheric conditions.”

Without knowing it, our pilot had given us a perfect analogy for creating happiness in marriage — developing the right attitude in spite of the circumstances we find ourselves in.

"Most people are about as happy
as they make up their minds to be"
--Abraham Lincoln

It is no accident that some couples who encounter marital turbulence navigate it successfully while others in similar circumstances are dominated by frustration, disappointment and eventual despair.

It is no accident, also, that some couples are radiant, positive, and happy while other couples are beaten down, defeated, and anxiety-ridden.

Researchers who have searched for the difference between the two have come up with all kinds of correlates to marital success (long courtships, similar backgrounds, supportive families, good communication, well educated, and so on).

But the bottom line is that happy couples decide to be happy. In spite of whatever life deals them, they make happiness a habit.

This post was written by Drs Les & Leslie Parrott. For more information, go to: http://www.lesandleslie.com

7 Keys to a Happy Wife

7/24/2014

Separate from Mamma. – Men, you are married to your wife, not your mom! When family matters invade a marriage, your wife needs to trust that you and she are a united front. She must not fear that you will go behind her and talk negatively, especially to your mom. When you and your wife speak to your mom, it should be as one flesh, not competing teams. Your mom is usually going to fight in your corner, right or wrong. This will cause serious problems in your marriage. I love my mom and she is precious to me, but YOU leading your family is the best way to honor her, not the other way around.
Balance the extracurriculars. – Living life in Sportsman’s Paradise can get busy. Louisiana has everything a man could ever want with regards to the outdoors. My boat and I were closer than my former wife and I at one time. I was perfectly happy leaving her home with the kids to go “tear ‘em up” somewhere in the Lake Pontchartrain waters. The problem with this is when it’s done in excess. You really need to take a look at why you fish, hunt, play video games, go to sports bars, etc. Are you doing it because it’s fun or are you getting away from your wife? It’s easy to fall into this trap because it’s easy to justify “harmless” activities. After all, you’re not out drinking all night with other women, so it’s not that bad. The problem is that your absence at home is felt by your wife and the kids. Keep your extracurricular activities in check by communicating about them with your wife. Too much passing the ball or too much running the ball will make it easy for the defense to game plan against your marriage. You need balance!
Kiss her first. – When you see your wife for the first time after a day of work, kiss her first. If you’re coming home from work or a long day out – put your keys down, drop your bag on the floor and lay one on her! There is nothing that makes mamma feel better than knowing you are thinking about her. Hitting the door with the intent to connect with her immediately sets the stage for positive energy throughout the evening and shows the kids that their parents are secure in their relationship.
“Boys Night Out” (AKA: Bachelor Parties). - I mean – C’mon man! There is nothing that kills a good thing with your wife like a “boys night out”. Back in the day, I was a partying force to reckon with. “Boys night out” usually implied alcohol, taxi cabs, strip clubs and vomit. If this is how you roll with the boys, then I suggest you re-examine your priorities. You may not know it, but your wife is probably scared to death the whole time you’re out. If you want to go hang out with your friends, don’t involve excessive booze at nightclubs. Take some responsibility as a husband and make sure your wife approves. A good question to ask yourself is, “If my wife were here, would she be offended?” (This tip goes for the ladies too.)
Reject Passivity. – When something is happening that you know isn’t right, step in. Passivity will kill your family’s faith and trust in you in times when circumstances demand your intervention. There were so many times in my first marriage when my passivity ended up defining my role in my home. This can’t happen. Now – rejecting passivity does not mean that you need to be a dictator in your home. We are to love our wives as Christ loved the church, not like Ike loved Tina!
Your wife did not grow up in your house. – 6 months after my first marriage began, we were in marriage counseling. I was 100% sure it was all her fault. The counselor listened to each of us plead our cases, and after hearing what I had to say, she got very strong with me in her response. My biggest complaint was “This isn’t the type of environment I grew up with in my house. It’s not the way I do things.” My counselor was quick to point out that my wife did not grow up with me or my family. She was thousands of miles away living a different life and didn’t even know I existed. She said, “How can you possibly expect her to understand ‘how things were in your house’ when you met her only a year ago at the age of 27? And why do you expect her to act like your relatives?” She was right. Far too often we think things will immediately “mesh” and that we’re above the communication problems. Understand that you and your wife are building a new life together, and it will always be in progress.
Own her decisions. – I admit, being married to my wife is like a spiritual roller coaster. She is plugged in to Jesus! Her extreme spirituality leads her in places that are sometimes not familiar to me. She respects my role as the head of our family and when issues arise that are major, it’s my job to make the final decision. (And ladies – before you get up in arms about the “balance of power”, she will be the first to tell you that she prefers it that way. The burden is taken off of her shoulders by allowing me to bear the responsibility of the heavy family issues.) Even though many of the ideas are not mine, I am the leader of my house and therefore the decisions to take action are all mine. If decisions like these fail, you should never blame your wife. You should own it and learn from it.

This post was written by Frank Lodato. You can find the original post here: http://eighthrising.com/2014/01/18/7-keys-to-a-happy-wife/

7 ways to ruin your marriage

7/23/2014

With more than 15 years of training and experience counseling couples before, during, and after marriage, I’ve seen what destroys marriages. Since the statistics on marriage and relational failures make it pretty clear that many people considering marriage don’t have any intention of seeing it through, I’ve created a list of Marriage Killers: Seven Sure-fire Strategies for Ruining Your Relationship. With tongue firmly in cheek to illustrate these strategies, I employ Daily Show delivery to shine the light on how absurd this behavior really is. If you are turned off by this style, that is unfortunate, but it’s necessary to break through silly excuses and lame assumptions regarding marriage.

WARNING: If you intend to take your wedding vows seriously and work hard at making your marriage last, then this article is not for you. Don’t read any further if you seek to see the best in your spouse, compromise as needed, or love them even when they may act unlovable. Are you planning on seeing the commitment through despite, and in spite of tough circumstances? Will you take the long-term view on marriage and realize the beauty of a life lived, through ups and downs, with your spouse? Do the words, “Until we are parted by death” have great meaning to you? Then there’s no need for you to with this article.

Read on if you entered marriage with an attitude of “We’ll see how it goes.” Marriage Killers is for people who look to entertainment stars as their examples of how to move in and out of multiple marriages and pairings. You’ll want to read this article if you think marriage is about enjoying the other person until someone better comes along. If you enter marriage with the thought that it’s your mission to change the other person into who you want them to be, the next few paragraphs can prove helpful.

1. “I Can’t Hear You!” The first Surefire Strategy is titled “I Can’t Hear You!” It represents the aspect of communication in a marriage. In fact, don’t worry about communicating, just assume your spouse knows and understands what you’re thinking and feeling. Under no circumstances should you share anything vulnerable or sensitive—they’ll just use it to shame you or hurt you later.

2.”It’s All Mine!” Next is “It’s All Mine!” which covers the topic of finances and money in marriage. This Surefire Strategy is all about keeping what is yours, yours. Keep your money separate and hidden because your spouse will rob you blind or keep you down if you share. Feel free to run up debt for what you want—they may get stuck half the debt when you divorce.

3. “Protecting Your Self” Surefire Strategy #3 is about “Protecting Your Self.” Don’t let your spouse suck your life dry with all they want to do. Stop wasting time wondering about their needs or what matters to them. Relax and let their love tank run on empty. They enjoy snuggling on the couch watching a movie? No worries, you’ve got to go for a jog. They appreciate a verbal pat-on-the-back for accomplishing a task? Immaterial—you need to do lunch with your friends. If you do activities they enjoy, your own life force will shrivel up.

4. “That’s Your Job” Two people in a marriage have divided tasks that they should handle. Surefire Strategy #4 reminds you of the adage, “That’s Your Job!” Live in your strengths. Do only those household tasks that you enjoy doing, if any at all. Forget about “helping out,” or “doing your part,” or even “pitching in where needed because we’re in this together.” You’re not a sports team, for crying out loud!

5. “They’re Just Pictures” In our fifth Surefire Strategy, you are reminded to skip the articles in your favorite magazine and just stare at the photographs of naked people. After all, “They’re Just Pictures!” Definitely get into porn. Skip subscribing to a magazine. Get it instantly online. Make sure you view it daily. Use it instead of a real, intimate, sexual experience with your spouse because that’s always the same thing, same position (and not very often!). Better yet, just take the natural next step and have an affair. It’s just sex, after all.

6. “I Married You, Not Them!” Your spouse has a family and you need to stay away from them and talk bad about them. If you doubt this, Surefire Strategy #6 describes the truth about “I Married You, Not Them!” Ignore your spouse’s family—they’re not who you married. Don’t call, text, or email on special occasions like birthdays or anniversaries. For your own sake, make every effort to avoid family gatherings at holiday times, especially reunions. Remember to neglect any issues regarding their siblings or aging parents.

7. “Are They Coming Over Again?” You need to limit your exposure to your spouse’s friends. Marriage is just about the two of you; you don’t need other people. Surefire Strategy #7, “Are They Coming Over Again?!” is all about how to downgrade your spouse’s friends. Since when do you have to be chummy with their friends? Make excuses for why you can’t make it to Zach and Jennifer’s party. When they want to have their group of friends over, be nasty about it, or schedule something else on top of it.

Follow these seven strategies and you can easily demolish your vows, diminish spousal love, and deter any growth in what was once a lifetime relationship—if that’s what you really want to do.

–

For more tongue-in-cheek marriage counsel, see John A. Page’s book, Marriage Killers: Seven Surefire Strategies for Ruining Your Relationship. . .If That’s What You Want.

For the original post written by John A Page, go to: http://seedbed.com/feed/marriage-killers-7-surefire-strategies-ruining-relationship/

10 Ways Cyberporn Damages Marriage

7/22/2014

Here are ten of the leading ways in which a man’s use of Internet pornography can damage marital love, according to Dr. Richard Fitzgibbons of the Institute for Marital Healing:

Growth in narcissism, the major enemy of marital love.
Lack of refinement in self-giving to the romantic aspect of marriage and to the intimate relationship.
Obsession with one’s own pleasure.
Decreased self-giving to one’s spouse.
Diminished communication with one’s spouse and harm to the marital friendship.
Damage to the wife’s ability to trust and then to experience pleasure with her husband.
Marital loneliness, anger and conflicts.
A disordered view of beauty, goodness, the human person and sexuality.
Increased vulnerability to commit adultery.
Marital separation.

This post was written by Dr Fitzgibbons. For the original post, go to: http://www.foryourmarriage.org/ten-ways-cyberporn-damages-marriage/