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Am I giving God my best or what is left?

7/31/2017

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During the time of the prophet Malachi there was a problem with the sacrifices the people were offering to God. Rather than giving God the very best from their flocks they were giving Him their rejects and leftovers. The ones they were offering to God were the ones they couldn’t use to begin with. What they were doing was going through their flocks, picking the animals that had no value and then giving those to God. The animals they gave to God cost them nothing. In fact, giving them to God probably saved them money. This way, the food that these animals would have eaten could be given to animals that were more valuable. They saved themselves money and fulfilled their vows to God at the same time. It was a win-win situation to them. But God saw it differently.

“But cursed be the deceiver Who has in his flock a male, And takes a vow, But sacrifices to the Lord what is blemished– For I am a great King, says the LORD of hosts, and My name is to be feared among the nations." Malachi 1:14 (NKJV)

God said that the person who has a good animal they could give to Him but chooses to give animals without value is cursed. That is pretty serious. Why does God get so upset about this? The previous verses give us the answer.

“A son honors his father, And a servant his master. If then I am the Father, Where isMy honor? And if I am a Master, Where is My reverence? Says the LORD of hosts To you priests who despise My name. Yet you say, ‘In what way have we despised Your name?’  “You offer defiled food on My altar. But say, ‘In what way have we defiled You?’ By saying, ‘The table of the LORD is contemptible.’ Malachi 1:6-7 (NKJV)

God says that giving Him sacrifices that have no value shows that they believe God doesn’t deserve any respect and that they despise His name. Here is the deal, they knew what God expected from us in this area. They knew that God expected the first and best from their flocks. When they chose not to give God what He expected, they were saying to God that they didn’t respect Him enough to do what He expected them to do. They weren’t giving God the basic respect He deserved as their Father and Lord. But wait, there’s more.

And when you offer the blind as a sacrifice, Is it not evil? And when you offer the lame and sick, Is it not evil? Offer it then to your governor! Would he be pleased with you? Would he accept you favorably?” Says the LORD of hosts. Malachi 1:8 (NKJV)

God brings up two interesting points here. First He said it was evil for them to give Him their rejects and their leftovers. What we’ve got to recognize from this, and keep in our minds, is that God didn’t say, “Oh well, at least their giving me something. I’ll take it.” No. God says that giving Him their junk is an evil action. Wow. Secondly, He says that  the sacrifices they give to their human authorities are better than the ones they make to Him. The idea is if they wouldn’t expect humans in authority over them to accept their junk, why would they think their great God would accept their junk.

“Who is there even among you who would shut the doors, So that you would not kindle fire on My altar in vain? I have no pleasure in you,” Says the LORD of hosts, “Nor will I accept an offering from your hands. Malachi 1:10 (NKJV)

God gives us three important, and challenging truths here.

1) God would rather they shut the doors as offer Him their junk. 

God would rather they offer Him NO sacrifices as offer Him their leftovers. In God’s economy, no devotion is better than halfhearted devotion. As I studied this I wondered if there was a connection to Revelation 3:16 where Jesus said that the lukewarm followers of Laodecia were going to be vomited out of His mouth. It seems to me that it would be, as their sacrifices flowed out of a less than wholehearted devotion to God. And just as the devotion from lukewarm professed believers wouldn’t’ be accepted, neither would half hearted sacrifices.

2)  God took no pleasure from their leftover sacrifices. 

Basically their leftover animals as sacrifices didn’t even remotely please God. As I studied this I wondered if there was a possible connection to Hebrews 11:6 that says without faith it is impossible to please God. I would say that seems likely as their leftover sacrifices surely showed a lack of faith in God to provide for them.

3) God would not accept their leftover sacrifices. 

This is huge. God would not accept these sacrifices. You could say that they were wasting their time by offering God less than their best. God completely refused to accept them.

For from the rising of the sun, even to its going down, My name shall be great among the Gentiles; In every place incense shall be offered to My name, And a pure offering; For My name shall be great among the nations,” Says the LORD of hosts.  “But you profane it, In that you say, ‘The table of the LORD is defiled; And its fruit, its food, iscontemptible.’  You also say, ‘Oh, what a weariness!’ And you sneer at it,” Says the LORD of hosts. “And you bring the stolen, the lame, and the sick; Thus you bring an offering! Should I accept this from your hand?” Says the LORD. Malachi 1:11-13 (NKJV)

Giving their leftovers as sacrifices to God dishonored God. The value of the sacrifices they made to God was a testimony to those around them. God’s name was to be made great among the gentiles. One of the ways that God’s name would be shown to be great is by the Jewish people offering God their best. Every time they offered God less than their best it was a testimony that God really wasn’t all that great. In fact, what they did by offering God their leftovers was so bad that it actually profaned God’s name. Their profaning of God’s name continued in the way they acted toward God’s expectations of them. They acted as though it wearied them. What a burden it was to serve God and offering Him our best. Seems to be part of their attitude. The other part is that they sneered at it. To sneer at it is a form of distain. “Pfft, I’m not giving God my best. I’ll give Him what I give Him. He can take it or leave it.” That sorta seems to be the idea here.

So what about it? Are you giving God our best or what’s left?  It is critically important that you make this gut check question very personal to you. The reason is that your best or what’s left isn’t determined by comparison. God won’t compare what you’ve given to someone else and then decide if it’s best or what’s left. This is both encouraging and challenging.

It’s encouraging because there are always people who know more than we do, have more money to give than we do, can sing better than we can, lead more people to Jesus than we will, and just generally seem to have more to offer to God than we do. But God won’t look at us and ask why we didn’t know, give, serve, sing, or do as much as they did or do it as good as they did. He’ll just look at us to see if we gave Him our best or if we gave Him what was left.

This is challenging because just as we can always find someone who does more or better, we can also find someone who does less and worse, as we want to define it.  But God won’t look at us and say, “Well, at least you did more/better than them.” God will look at us to see if we gave Him our best or what was left. So without comparing yourself to anyone else answer this gut check question. Do you give God your best or do you give God what’s left?

This post was written by Rev Ross.  You can find his blog here:  stacyjross.wordpress.com/​
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Why the wrong side of history may be the right side (sometimes)

7/30/2017

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“History,” as the saying goes, “is written by the victors.”

Of course, the claim is hardly true in every instance. Still, it does bring up a problem with the progressive meme that those holding certain views on, say, morality or sexual ethics will invariably find themselves “on the wrong side of history.” But more on that in a moment.

The gist of the “wrong side” argument is that in past centuries, great evils were defended in the name of God and tradition—slavery, subjugation of women, and the ill treatment of minorities. Yet in time, we have come to see the vileness of such positions. Thus, the traditionalists find themselves “on the wrong side of history.”

There is some truth in this of course. Great wrongs were, and continue to be, defended under the guise of “God’s will” and the oppressive cloak of tradition. Yet the meme is hardly absolute. And in many cases, it is simply wrong.  Here’s why:


1. “History” Does Not Render Moral Judgments

First, as should be obvious, history itself does not render moral judgments. Only persons do that. Thus, the word “history” (in the “wrong side” argument) is merely a placeholder for “widespread public opinion.” Or as is sometimes the case: “widespread public opinion in mostly white, reasonably affluent western cultures, with an emphasis on Hollywood and academia.”

And that sounds less impressive.

While the current drift of cultural belief may be right, it may be wrong as well.

As some clever person recently observed on Twitter: when Paul was bit by a serpent the crowd assumed he was a murderer. When he did not die, they said he was a god (Acts 28). Beware of the emerging consensus.


2. History Haunts Progressives, Too

A second problem with the argument (in its most common form) is the idea that later centuries invariably chastise orthodox Christians, while secular progressives are vindicated in their moral foresight. This is pure baloney.

Take slavery for example. My own conservative denomination, The Wesleyan Church, was started by abolitionists. And the practice of slavery was condemned by papal decree as far back as the 15th century(!), with a string of denunciations from 1462–1839. Samuel Sewall, a devout Puritan, penned the first American abolitionist pamphlet in 1700. And all of this while Enlightenment luminaries like Hobbes, Voltaire, and Montesquieu defended slavery on “rational” grounds.

While every tradition has its skeletons, let’s not pretend that so-called “progressive” or secular ideas have, in general, faired better. History is more complex than that.


3. History Does Not Always Move Toward Perfection

A third problem with the “wrong side” argument is the faulty assumption that the passing of time invariably moves human culture toward wisdom and justice. This too is false.

While racism, sexism, and bullying are increasingly (and rightly!) condemned, other maladies grow untended in the modern garden. Two hundred years from now, perhaps a more advanced society will find it barbaric that we slaughtered babies in the womb. Or they may not. History is hardly an uninterrupted march from evil to good, darkness to light, ignorance to insight. The notion that it is such is what C.S. Lewis called “chronological snobbery.”

A further irony of this overly optimistic eschatology of ethics is that it is nothing new. The Enlightenment and the rise of science also promised “progress” toward a peaceful utopia.  What came instead was the bloodiest century in human history. Beware the myth of progress.


4. History’s Precise Future is Unknowable

Fourthly, the “wrong side” argument proceeds on the false assumption that the speakers actually know the future, which of course they do not. In short, it presumes omniscience.  This, however, is the gambit of psychics and soothsayers, not that of serious argument.

In fact, the meme is not an argument at all, but a predictive threat that hinges on the possibility that “a hundred years from now, you’ll look really silly.” Perhaps so; but we need evidence, not mere assertions from a non-existent crystal ball.


5. History Will Be Judged by History’s Lord

Fifth, and by far the greatest problem with “wrong side” threat is the omission of key player: history’s Lord. For Christians, we believe that God alone occupies the judgment seat of history. And this should make us both confident and humble.

We must be humble enough to recognize our own fallibility, and to resist the temptation to do God’s job of judging the world (1 Cor. 5). Yet we must also be confident in the light given to the church in Christ, the Spirit, the Scriptures, and yes (albeit secondarily), in tradition.

But what of our introductory statement about a history written by the victors?

This too is a common claim that is meant to challenge the validity of historical pronouncements on past events. Indeed, as the movie Braveheart claimed: “History is written by men who have hanged heroes.”

Once again, it is hardly true in any absolute sense. (I work down the hall from an historian who assures me he has hanged no one. I believe him, cautiously.)

Still, few have seemed to notice that this postmodern argument (of history being written by the victors) sits ill at ease with its common compatriot: the “wrong side of history” threat.

Here’s the problem: If history’s moral judgments are the unjust product of the victors’ power plays, then why trust them? If history is written by “those who have hanged heroes,” then perhaps the “wrong” side is actually closer to being right! Perhaps, as some suggest, justice lies more on history’s underside.

If this is so, then Christians have yet one more reason to discard the moral shaming of the “wrong side” argument.

For in a bit of beautiful irony, we believe that history’s crucified victim is also its great victor. The Lamb who was slain is seated on the throne, and his word is weightier than the shifting sands of public opinion. His verdict (not that of “history”) matters most.

This post was written by  Josh McNall of Seedbed.  You can find his original post here: www.seedbed.com/why-the-wrong-side-of-history-may-be-right-sometimes/

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Who is my neighbor?

7/28/2017

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"Love your neighbor as yourself" the Gospel says (Matthew 22:38). ​But who is my neighbor? We often respond to that question by saying: "My neighbors are all the people I am living with on this earth, especially the sick, the hungry, the dying, and all who are in need." But this is not what Jesus says. When Jesus tells the story of the good Samaritan (see Luke 10:29-37) to answer the question "Who is my neighbor?" he ends by asking: "Which ... do you think, proved himself a neighbor to the man who fell into the bandits' hands?"

The neighbor, Jesus makes clear, is not the poor man laying on the side of the street, stripped, beaten, and half dead, but the Samaritan who crossed the road, "bandaged his wounds, pouring oil and wine on them ... lifted him onto his own mount and took him to an inn and looked after him." My neighbor is the one who crosses the road for me!

For further reflection...

A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side.  So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side.  But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was, and when he saw him, he took pity on him.  He went to him... - Luke 10: 31-34a (NIV)

​This devotional was written by Henri Nouwen.  
​You can find his site here:  www.henrinouwen.org
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Living in community

7/28/2017

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The Christian faith must be lived and experienced in community.  We learn and grow from being around each other.  It is in the community that some of the greatest lessons of our faith are worked out.

Paul the Apostle wrote these words: “As a prisoner in the Lord, then, I urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling you have received: Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.  Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace”.

These words were written to a community of believers.  His reminder is powerful; you must live by what you believe and profess! He indicates that this is done by being completely humble and gentle. In this context the word gentle involves being courteous and considering others.  It speaks of a willingness to waive one’s rights and preferences. Gentleness is listed as a fruit of the Spirit.  This is the fruit that is grown in our lives through the power of the Holy Spirit.  Paul pairs humility and gentleness, certainly something that is needed in our world today.  There is a reason humility and gentleness are mentioned together: humility makes us willing to learn, gentleness helps us listen to the promptings of the Spirit as well as assists us in listening to and valuing others. Without humility and gentleness, living in a community becomes difficult if not impossible.  People are willing to hear from a gentle person.  Gentleness is not weakness; it is our strength under the control of the Holy Spirit. Remeber that Jesus said we should come to Him and learn from Him: because He is humble and gentle of heart.  Matthew 11:29

Paul states further that we must be patient.  Patience is likewise a fruit of the Spirit; it is not something we try harder to achieve on our own. As believers, we are patient because we know that our lives are in God’s hands. We understand that He has redeemed us and our perspective is now broadened and deepened with an endless, eternal time horizon.  Because God has been patient with us, we must offer patient understanding to our families and friends.  I become more patient with others as I mature in Christ, and understand that I may be wrong in a particular assessment and am willing to admit when I am wrong.  This attitude is a tool the Lord uses to teach us patience.

Paul says that we must bear with one another in love.  Many read this I believe as “be a bear with one another.”  There are people who through clenched teeth proclaim “I have to bear this person.”  That is not the message of Paul in this passage.  Bearing with is something you do with humility and kindness even if the person never changes and the things the person does is indeed annoying.  I love the way the great fourth-century preacher John Chrysostom defined this, “bearing with one another in love”  is having “a wide and big soul.”

My prayer is that I will have a wide and big soul.  I am sure this will only happen as I am empowered by the Holy Spirit and continue living in community with God’s people!

Have a great and blessed weekend.

This post was written by Dr Ron Blake.  You can find his original post here: wesleyshorse.com/living-in-community/



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Your temple

7/27/2017

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Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20

I have a friend who grew up with 17 siblings. Yes, you read that right; 17 siblings. I struggle enough parenting two children so I couldn't imagine having that many offspring. This friend explained to me that his older brothers and sisters took on a parental role and each time a sibling was born, an older one stepped up to help.   

You may think that this family was very affluent and the parents had large incomes. This was not the case. In fact, my friend tells me that, when there were only 11 siblings (before the last half dozen were born) his family actually lived in a 2 bedroom double wide trailer. There is nothing wrong with this type of home and they can be extremely nice...but let's be honest and say these are not typical accommodations for 13 people. Eventually, his father got a new job and they could afford a larger home.

The problem with the smaller house is that the space did not fit the family. It was not made for what it was being used for. Without a proper renovation or relocation, there would have been a lot more tension and discomfort in the long run.

When we look at the passage above, we often relate it to eating too much or an attempt to stop smoking. This is actually not what the Apostle Paul is trying to convey. Paul is writing to a people who have replaced gestures of worship with rituals of pleasure. These people, who continued to call themselves Christ-followers began to allow their hearts to become an inhospitable dwelling for the Holy Spirit. The space no longer was conducive for the purpose. 
Paul called these believers to repentance and thus to a new way of life. God wants to make His dwelling among us and in us and He refuses to share His dwelling with other idols. God does not need or want a roommate. 
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Remember that your mind, body, and heart are meant to be used by God. Allow Him to purify it all.

Prayer for today: Father. Cleanse me so that I allow no other thing to distract me from your plan. Guide me daily to become more like you. Amen.

This post was written by Rev DeCrastos.  You can find his blog here:  ministrysauce.com


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Respecting your spouse's individuality

7/26/2017

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When you’re in the early years of your relationship–namely, dating and the “honeymoon period” of your marriage–it’s easy to lose yourself in one another. Many couples want to spend every possible moment together, and are even willing to lay aside their individual interests or activities during that time. The differences between you and your spouse tend to be glossed over, too, and those differences don’t feel like a big deal at first.
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Eventually, you might find that once you’ve settled into marriage, your spouse might not want to be firmly attached to your side in the same way as before. Or you may have started noticing that some of the qualities that drew you to your spouse in the first place are now beginning to bother you. Sure, you may still have a great relationship, but it’s starting to feel like you’re drifting apart. Should you panic?


RECOVERING YOUR IDENTITIES

The most likely scenario is that you and your spouse have adjusted to sharing a life, and are delving back into the things that make you who you are as individuals. You’ve been together for a little while now, and it’s natural to want to revisit some of the things each of you love that may have fallen by the wayside.

Not only will you both eventually want to revisit your individual selves; you’ll continue to grow and change over the years. Give yourselves room to reconnect with who you are, and with who your spouse is (or has become). There is beauty in making space for those two unique identities that make up your marriage partnership.

It’s also normal to feel some friction as your opposite qualities begin to make themselves clearer. That’s okay, too. After all, you fell in love because of who your spouse is, and vice versa.


REDISCOVERING YOUR SIMILARITIES

It’s important for the two of you to respect one another’s individuality and hard-wiring. The saying that “opposites attract” isn’t really true; most people are drawn to other people who are a lot like them. So when you’re in a marriage with someone who isn’t a lot like you, it’s easy to fall into emphasizing those opposite qualities over what you have in common. Your differences eventually become the most apparent things in your marriage.

When your differences seem to outweigh your similarities, it’s time to reconnect with the common ground you share. Deliberately create moments and opportunities to reminisce about falling in love, and those early, blissful times in your relationship. Those moments will open doors for great conversation, and put you on the road back to intimacy.

Intimacy is built on common ground; keep those things you have in common in mind, and highlight them whenever possible. Create fun, shared experiences that knit your hearts together, and be deliberate and consistent about making that happen. Go on walks together, go fishing, work together in your yard–any activity that will connect you two on a deeper level. Find that common ground and enjoy it together.


LEARNING FROM ONE ANOTHER

When you and your spouse have many differing qualities, you’ll often find that you balance and complement one another. Instead of focusing on things about your spouse’s differences that bother you, try to find the strengths in those individual qualities and see what you can learn from those strengths.

Is your spouse better at saying no than you are (while you’re more of a “yes man” or “yes woman”)? If you often feel over-committed and stretched beyond your limits, perhaps you can pay attention to how your spouse approaches a tactful “no,” then apply the same principles the next time someone asks you to do something you shouldn’t say yes to. Of if you’re an energetic extrovert and your spouse craves a lot of quiet time, you could practice slowing down and learn to savor that quiet time with him or her.


ALLOWING FOR COMPROMISE

Compromise is a form of respecting your spouse–in particular, respecting his or her individuality. You can compromise on many things: food or entertainment preferences, travel, chores, weekly activities, and more.

For example, if you’re an extrovert and your spouse is not, give them the gift of solitude and allow them to do the things they love (like reading, enjoying a quiet coffee, drawing, writing, etc.) without making demands of their energy that they’re unable to fulfill. As a compromise, find a small group or activity you can be a part of so you’re not depending on your spouse to be present for every piece of your proverbial social “pie.”

Respect what your spouse needs in order to have the inner strength and resilience you fell in love with in the first place. Admire who your spouse is, and don’t try to change them; instead, create space for them to be who they are because that is how they were made.

This post was written by Drs Les and Leslie Parrott.  You can find their blog here:  www.symbis.com/blog/


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Forgiveness is needed in marriage

7/25/2017

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It has been said that marriage is the combination of two very good forgivers. We have found this to be true in our own marriage–many times over! And we’ve observed countless successful relationships that were made up of good forgivers, as well.
When you’re in such a close relationship with another human being, it’s inevitable that you’re going to step on each other’s toes. That’s just part of life. The trick is being able to offer forgiveness to one another in a genuine, meaningful way, so that when those times come, you’ll be ready to face them head-on.


BUT WHAT IS FORGIVENESS, REALLY?
First, it’s critical to understand what forgiveness is. Forgiveness is surrendering the right to retaliate against someone who has hurt you. It is not the relinquishing of your boundaries and dignity, and it is not a cheap or easy thing to extend.

When you extend forgiveness to your spouse, know what you’re forgiving. Be honest about how the hurt has been detrimental to your spirit. In the process of forgiveness, don’t just forgive and forget; forgive, but extend some pointers to your spouse about how they can better handle your heart with care in the future.


Forgiveness in marriage is a must because:

1. THE ACT OF FORGIVENESS STRENGTHENS OUR LOVE.
Forgiveness is a form of love in action, and we can’t get far in marriage without it. When you love someone, you’re vulnerable with them, and vice versa. Your spouse has the power to hurt you more deeply than anyone else in the world because you value their approval and affirmation more than anyone else’s. Your spouse is also just as vulnerable to being hurt by you as you are to being hurt by them.

When we forgive one another, we extend sacrificial love. When we are forgiven, we are humbled and determined to love our spouses better going forward. This cycle challenges us to love one another more fully, completely, and selflessly. And over the years, as we continue to practice this dance of forgiveness, our bond grows deeper and stronger.


2. FORGIVENESS SETS US FREE.
Forgiveness frees us in two ways: first, it releases the offender; second, it releases the one who was hurt.

Forgiveness benefits the forgiver as much as, if not more than, the person who is being forgiven. It sets us free from being dragged down by unforgiveness, which eventually turns into resentment. And when you hold onto resentment, it does no good for anyone–especially you.

There are going to be times when we need to offer forgiveness to our spouse, whether they’ve asked for it or not. When you do this, remember that you’re freeing yourself from a prison of resentment, and graciously offer forgiveness to your spouse.


3. LESSONS WE LEARN FROM FORGIVING OUR SPOUSE CAN EXTEND BEYOND THE MARRIAGE.
Forgiving anyone can be difficult–whether it’s a friend, family member, or co-worker. But when the person you love most in the world has hurt you, the process of forgiving him or her can be incredibly difficult and painful. Once you’ve practiced forgiveness in your marriage for a time, you may find it easier to extend forgiveness to those outside your relationship.

Forgiving one another as husband and wife can also help you to teach your children how to forgive. Modeling healthy forgiveness and allowing them to see their parents live this out will give them the tools they need to practice forgiveness in their own relationships as they grow older.


PUTTING IT INTO PRACTICE
Being able to forgive one another teaches us to love each other and those around us in a more godly way, and it helps us to become more sensitive to the effects of our actions on others. In short, it makes us better husbands, wives, parents, friends, co-workers, and people.

It’s important to note, once again, that forgiveness is a process. You can intend to forgive, but you can’t control the steps to forgiveness, or how long it takes to get there. If the hurt you want to forgive is particularly grievous, it can take a very long time to complete the process. Whatever it takes, set yourself on a path of forgiveness and trust God to meet you on that path. And give yourself grace and time as you walk it.

This post was written by Drs Les and Leslie Parrott.  You can find their blog here:  www.symbis.com/blog/


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5 ways empathy can cool marital conflict

7/24/2017

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Empathy is defined as the identification with and understanding of another’s situation, feelings, and motives. It’s a critical component to success in all types of relationships, but it’s particularly valuable in marriage, a place where peace and harmony are paramount to success.

Practicing empathy can effectively neutralize conflict and restore peace to your marriage. Here are 5 ways being empathic toward your spouse can benefit you both and nurture lifelong love.


1. EMPATHY OPENS YOUR EYES TO ANOTHER POINT OF VIEW.
When you empathize with a person, you put yourself in their shoes. You’re able to view things from their perspective. Empathy gets you out of your own head and gives you a chance to consider situations from a variety of angles. This is especially helpful when you’re working through conflict with your husband or wife.

When you’re in defense mode during a fight, you’re invested in protecting and promoting your own opinion on the issue at hand. It can be difficult to hear your spouse out when you’re passionate about making your point. But when you put empathy into practice, it can help you step out of that defensive stance and into a more open mindset.


2. EMPATHY HELPS YOU UNDERSTAND HOW YOUR SPOUSE FEELS.
Emotions run high when you’re working through conflict together, and it’s difficult to handle your own feelings, much less identify with your spouse’s. Practicing empathy will help you understand your spouse’s feelings, whether or not you agree with them.

Having a greater understanding of both of your emotions gives you a big-picture view of what you’re both dealing with. If you can get inside your spouse’s feelings, like fear or anxiety, you’ll be able to suss out ways to calm those emotions–or even make space for positive feelings to take their place. Empathy creates emotional safety, which will help both of you come to a resolution with as little pain as possible.


3. EMPATHY REVEALS YOUR SPOUSE’S MOTIVATIONS.
When you’re in the heat of battle (or just a simple misunderstanding), it’s all too easy to make assumptions about your spouse’s motives. Often, we decide–without actually asking our spouse–why they’re taking a certain position on a contested topic. Without empathy, it’s easy to fill in the blanks for our spouse. And unfortunately, we tend to assume that their motives are not in our best interests.

While you might not understand why your spouse disagrees with you, or why he or she made a decision you’re not happy about, that doesn’t mean they’re trying to hurt you. And when you step outside your own assumptions and leverage empathy instead, you’ll be able to see that more clearly.


4. EMPATHY KEEPS CONFLICT FROM ESCALATING INTO IRREVERSIBLE DAMAGE.
When you don’t have empathy for one another, a simple fight can descend into an all-out war. If you don’t check your reactions to one another, you could easily start hurling insults, calling names, and assassinating each other’s character. And these kinds of damaging reactions don’t do anything except run your marriage into the ground.

Being intentionally empathic will help you bite your tongue when you’re aching to scream at your spouse; it will keep your anger in check and help you think about what you say before you say it. If you’re in touch with your spouse’s emotions, you’re not going to want to say or do things to cause them more pain. Using empathy to guide your actions and reactions will never fail either of you.


5. EMPATHY CAN HELP REDUCE THE FREQUENCY OF YOUR FIGHTS.
Empathy is its own special brand of preventive medicine. While conflict in marriage is inevitable, showing empathy toward one another could actually help you to avoid unnecessary arguments in the future. And when you do butt heads, you’ll be less likely to let your conflicts escalate into a full-out fight.

This post was written by Drs Les and Leslie Parrott.  You can find their blog here:  www.symbis.com/blog/

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Uncle Buddy:  Chapter 13:  The Second Command

7/23/2017

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Now reader, we have come to the second command of the Savior. We have seen the first command and also the first call, but now we want to look at the second command. What was it? We will see for ourselves.

Listen to the words of Jesus as He said "Loose him, and let him go." This is the second command of the Master. The first command was, Take ye away the stone, and the second is, Loose him, and let him go. You can see the importance of this second command. How important it is that we get all of the strings off of us.

We see in these two commands the two works of grace. Notice, the first was to take away the stone; that had to be done before Christ could call Lazarus out of the tomb. After the stone was removed we hear Christ say. Lazarus, come forth, and behold we see a living man before us, and to our surprise he is still bound, hand and foot, and the napkin is still over his mouth. Now we hear Christ say to the church, "Loose him, and let him go." This brings out the twofold mission of the church in the world. We are to get sinners converted and we are to get believers into the experience of sanctification. Lazarus called out of the tomb is the new birth, and Lazarus set free is a type of sanctification. Everything on earth that we are to do is hinged on the fact that we get all of the strings off of us. No man is at his best for God or man until he is wholly sanctified, and of course if no man is at his best for God, how could he be at his best for himself, or the church of which he is a member. Therefore, I offer you this thought: If a church that is unsanctified is left for a year or two without a pastor it will die and you may go back in a year or two and not find a thing of the church left. Well, why is that? Because a church with its hands and feet tied and a napkin over its mouth can't feed itself and if they don't have a pastor to look after them they will die; but it is not so with a holiness man. I have seen men and women all over America, who had been without a pastor all the way from one year to maybe a half dozen years, and they would be standing as true as steel, with the glory still in their souls.

Well, why is it that a sanctified man can live better than the unsanctified? It is because the sanctified man has got all of the strings off and can feed himself. That is the reason. Look at Lazarus bound hand and foot and even his mouth tied. How in the world would you expect him to feed himself? Don't you see that if he doesn't get help he will die, and now how long would a card-playing, dancing church live without a pastor ? You can see that they are as completely bound as Lazarus was, and therefore they can't feed themselves. How thankful I am that we can have every cord broken and have perfect freedom, and because we are free we don't advocate the idea that holiness people don't need a pastor and don't enjoy one, for they do. To go to church and enjoy a message they beat any people that it has ever been my privilege to meet. They enjoy the message as no other people on earth can, from the fact that they have the use of their hands and feet. They can walk in the ways of the Lord and can clap their hands for joy; the napkin is off of their mouths and now they can praise God with a loud voice. Therefore, they are world beaters when it comes to enjoying a religious service.

The crowd that is bound by the things of the world never seems to really enjoy a religious service, and as the people with all of the strings off leap and praise God, and clap their hands, the bound crowd looks on with perfect amazement. In fact they don't see a thing in the world to praise God for. While the holiness crowd is just tearing up the ground the other folks look on and wonder why these folks are so awfully excited, when there is really nothing to shout about. But don't you see that they have been called out of the tomb of spiritual death, and don't you see that they have got every string off of them? It is no wonder to me that they shout. It is a wonder that they ever keep still.

So the Master said, Loose him, and let him go. Yonder stands a bound man, but look again and yonder stands a free man, -- not only out of the tomb, but out of the strings. I have seen people so completely bound by the opinions of folks that it almost fit them like a garment; and I have seen big strong men so bound by the man-fearing spirit that they were almost miserable and had but little religious joy for fear they would offend somebody up town who did not believe in making a noise. Well, folks, if such a fellow had been there the day that Christ and His disciples came into Jerusalem and if they had seen the disciples leaping and praising God and breaking down the limbs of the trees and throwing down their coats and whooping to the top of their voices, such a fellow would have had a convulsion right on the spot. Men don't have to have much religion to give God a good deal of glory and the more they have the more glory they are going to give their Lord. One of the greatest commands that ever fell from the lips of the Son of God was, Loose him and let him go, and for the past ages the church has heard His voice as He called out to His ministering servants, Loose him, and let him go.

Again, there is in the bosom of every man a longing to be perfectly free, and no man is a free man who has the carnal mind in his heart, for the carnal mind is in fact the cords that bind men. When the carnal mind is gone and the old man is destroyed then brother you are a free man, and not till then. I don't care what you may have or may not have, you are not a free man until old carnality is gone. I heard a young man say the other day, O Lord, crucify the old man and then back up the hearse and haul off old carnality, and I said, Well, glory, that is a new one on me. but it is a good one and I will remember it.

As long as the roots of bitterness or the carnal mind or the old man or the body of sin are allowed to remain there cannot be perfect freedom in the religious life; but thank God, Christ says in a loud voice, Loose him and let him go. Every string can be removed and the child of God can he made as free as heaven, and we can walk through this old world as clean as if we were in heaven. Of course the devil doesn't die when we get the strings off and thank the Lord we don't either, in the sense of being dead to what the devil is doing; we are alive and we catch on to what he is up to and we are ready to meet his assaults. With all of the strings off and Christ enthroned in the soul we are more than conquerors through Him that loved us and gave Himself for us that He might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify us unto Himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works.

Now, reader, when you come to think about it, the most beautiful thing that you ever saw was a Christian without a thing in the way of their Christian work. Take a man or a woman who is all given up to God and delivered from the man-fearing spirit. who is delivered from the people, who is long-suffering and plenteous In mercy and filled with all the fulness of God, who knows how to love God and lost humanity, how to pray and bring things to pass, you look at them and admire them because of their freedom and deliverance. You would not have die same respect for them if they were all tied up with the world. But a free man is the ideal of all men, and what makes men free? Nothing but to be delivered from all sin and filled with all the fulness of God. That means out of the tomb and all of the strings off.

Robinson, Reuben A. (Bud). The Collected Works of 'Uncle Bud' Robinson (Kindle Locations 6108-6161). Jawbone Digital. Kindle Edition. 

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Ordering our desires

7/22/2017

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Desire is often talked about as something we ought to overcome. Still, being is desiring: our bodies, our minds, our hearts, and our souls are full of desires. Some are unruly, turbulent, and very distracting; some make us think deep thoughts and see great visions; some teach us how to love; and some keep us searching for God. Our desire for God is the desire that should guide all other desires. Otherwise our bodies, minds, hearts, and souls become one another's enemies and our inner lives become chaotic, leading us to despair and self-destruction.

Spiritual disciplines are not ways to eradicate all our desires but ways to order them so that they can serve one another and together serve God.

For further reflection...

"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.  Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this."
​Psalm 37: 4-5 (NIV)

This devotional was written by Henri Nouwen.  
​You can find his site here:  www.henrinouwen.org
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