Over my 24 years of pastoral ministry, I’ve had the occasion to work with multiplied hundreds of men who struggle on a regular basis with the snare of pornography.

I often say that the hardest thing about the Christian life is that it is so daily.   I have learned that the  hardest thing about the battle with lust and pornography is that it is so hourly.  

Yet,  the battle can be won – one life, one day. one hour, one decision and one thought at a time.

Titus 2:11-12 challenges us to recognize that that grace of God instructs us to “deny ungodliness and worldly desires and to live sensibly, righteously and godly in the present age.”  One of the ways we experience this grace is by recognizing the positive power of pure choices.  

In my book, Think Before You Look – Avoiding the Consequences of Secret Temptation I present forty chapters, each presenting positive reasons to avoid the snare of pornography.  Here they are in summary as a positive dose of pure prevention.

1. I fully enjoy the pleasure of my love relationship with Christ.

2. I fulfill my true identity as a child of God.

3. I experience God's provision of empowering grace.

4. I enjoy my freedom in Christ to its fullest.

5. I avoid a life-pattern of deception.

6. I cultivate a soft and sensitive conscience.

7. I turn away from the solicitation of harlots in my heart.

8. I refuse the temptation of idolatry.

9. I prove to be a faithful steward of my money.

10. I prove to be a faithful steward of my time.

11. I abstain from any promotion and support of the pornography industry.

12. I preserve God’s gift of loving sexual expression for its intended purpose.

13. I protect the purity and power of my God-given imagination.

14. I develop disciplined character.

15. I guard the integrity of my Christian testimony.

16. I promote health and harmony in the body of Christ.

17. I cultivate a stronger resistance to future interpersonal sexual sin.

18. I nurture the proper biblical view of the sanctity of womanhood.

19. I relate to women as equals and persons of ultimate worth.

20. I learn to live in reality rather than fantasy.

21. I steer clear of unnecessary personal guilt and shame.

22. I cultivate a lifestyle of contentment and satisfaction.

23. I experience the blessing of living as a servant

24. I learn the relational skills of authentic intimacy.

25. I avoid future mental, emotional and spiritual scars on my life.

26. I experience the joy of the Christian life.

27. I lay up eternal rewards.

28. I learn to deal with the causes of my problems rather than treating symptoms.

29. I prevent potential temptations for others in my sphere of influence.

30. I honor the trust and prayer support of those who have invested in my spiritual life.


If I am married: 

31. I avoid adultery in my heart.

32. I encourage my wife's trust.

33. I honor my vow of marital purity and faithfulness.

34. I keep my marriage union pure from fantasies of other women.

35. I communicate acceptance and honor toward my wife.

36. I avoid the pathway that could easily result in infidelity.


If I have children:

37. I minimize the risk of my children being exposed to pornography.

38. I model strong and genuine moral values for my children.

39. I avoid embarrassing and embittering my children.

40. I encourage all of the above positive qualities in their lives.


This post is written by Daniel Henderson.  The original post can be found here: http://www.churchleaders.com/pastors/pastor-how-to/150646-40-positive-reasons-to-avoid-porn.html/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

There is a difference between being masculine and being macho.  Masculinity is our healthy expression of the uniqueness of being created a man in God's design.  The behaviors of a macho man are instead unhealthy expression of the stereotypes of masculinity lived out in their most extreme forms.  The macho man perverts true masculinity.  He pretends to be strong by acting aggressively and creating about himself an image of power, both of which mask the deeper reality of the insecurity within.  The truly masculine man knows who he is in God and enjoys a healthy integration of this emotional, intellectual, physical and spiritual nature. This wholeness comes from knowing and responding to the truth that he is fully loved and accepted in Christ.  The masculine man in Christ is truly set free to become all that he is meant to be.

The macho man lives out an image of manhood that emphasizes only one small part of what it means to be male.  He pretends that it is possible to live life with a constant erection.  But, our physical genital reality reminds us that we are only sometimes hard.  Most of the time, we are are soft.  The majority of our lives is lived out as penis, not erected phallus, and this is normal and proper for men.  Think of what it would be like in actuality if we had to live the whole of our lives with an erection.  This is a grotesque image.  Yet it is the kind of masculine image many macho men attempt to convey thru their personalities as they relate to those around them.

It is far healthier and more productive to recognize and celebrate the broader dimensions of our masculinity modeled for us most completely by the man Jesus, our loving LORD.   As He demonstrated, a man's strength is not rooted in violent aggression or in an obsession with worldly power, but in the Godlike power of sacrificial love.

A man is not weak, but strong, when he wisely chooses to live the predominant portion of this life with his sword in his sheath.  This is not a man feminized.  This is a masculine man who has given up the false god of proud machismo and has delivered his complex and diverse masculine personality into the hands of God to be shaped by the demands of love.

This post is taken from Temptations Men Face.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

What are the common behaviors of a man who claims Christ as his savior?  What does the power of God's Word do to a man?  What does a man look like who has been transformed by God's Holy Spirit?

1. The Christian man is free to be a servant-leader.  He no longer depends upon his own strength, but on the guidance, wisdom and strength of the Lord.  His identity is not dependent on successful achievement, so he is set free to fail without being devastated by failure.  This freedom to fail gives the Christian man courage and faith to step out and take  measured risks in the Lord's work.  He includes others in the decision-making process because he is no longer afraid to admit that he needs the help of others and of God in order to have success.  He can affirm and build up those with whom he works because he feels affirmed and accepted in love by God in Christ.

2.  The Christian man is free to be lighthearted.  He no longer has to take himself so seriously.  God is his refuge.  He is set free from having to protect himself, to fear and shield himself from others.  He is secure in himself and his faith.  He will not list out his accomplishments like a peacock strutting around, fanning his tail.  His personality will take on a peaceful playfulness that will draw others to him.  He can laugh at himself.  He has no need to put others down.  

3.  The Christian man is free to interact with others.  He is relational.  He is a thoughtful boss and a congenial host.  He is free to share himself openly. He will talk with his wife.  He will talk with his children.  He will not talk at them but will talk with them, listening to those he loves.  He will not have to have all the right answers.  He will enjoy entering into the deeper-meaning dimensions of the lives of those around him.  He is no longer interested in telling others how important he is.  He is now more interested in hearing about their joys, their needs, their hopes, their dreams.  

4.  The Christian man is able to be open with others about his needs and to ask for help.  He knows that it is his willingness to open his life to others that creates possibilities for himself and others to grow, receive healing and move on toward maturity in Christ.  The man will give and receive friendship.

(continued tomorrow)

The information from this post is taken from Temptations Men Face.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

Men need to be accepted by men.  A woman's acceptance is wonderful and fulfilling.  However, if a man does not have the acceptance of other men, he does not feel like a real man.  

This is the very reason why accountability groups can be so vital.  The true intimacy of friendship and acceptance actually heals the wounds so that the false intimacy of porn is no longer needed as a pain-killing medication.  The true intimacy of friendship takes the place of mind-numbing substances like alcohol and drugs.  The true intimacy of friendship pushes you to know God better.

Men know men.  Puffing your chest out and beating it to draw attention to how tough you are or how "manly" you are doesn't set well with men.  Men are not impressed with self-love.  Men are impressed with affirmation, honesty, truthfulness, and leadership.  

Men need godly principles upon which to stand.  Rejecting passivity, accepting responsibility and leading courageously are principles that lead to lasting relationships with our Savior, with each other, and with our community.

Even more important, men need to be accepted and affirmed by God, the Creator of men.  He made you the way that you are complete with your foibles and strengths.  He is the one that made you with your desire for intimacy.  No man is an island, no man is a rock, neither is he the walrus.

As we begin our Ironstrikes group, know that real men want to get together with other men.  They want to gain strength from each other, they want to let down their defenses and show their Achilles' Heel.  Real men join arm in arm together to bring the kingdom of God to their churches, to their families and to their communities.

Our organizational meeting will be starting soon, setting the second Saturday of each month as a time to get together.  We will be meeting on July 14th at the R.G.Holland Memorial Park in Fishers, IN at the shelter behind the children's play area.  We will start at 0830 and end before 1000.

Jesus just wants to hang out with you and share with you how to be like Him, our example of a real man.  Will you join HIM?

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

"I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"

We live somewhere between belief and unbelief. Our faith wavers. At times faith is strong and stable. At times it is weak, and shaken.

For many of us, our capacity for trust has been diminished by experiences with people who were not trustworthy. We have learned by painful experience that we will be disappointed if we trust. One of the most intense struggles in recovery is to rebuild our capacity for trust and hope. We want to believe, but we are afraid.

Some people believe that God will respond only to people who 'believe enough'. "If you have enough faith, God will hear you," they say. But Jesus said "All you need is faith the size of a mustard seed." The mustard is the smallest of seeds. God does not reject small, limited faith. God will not ignore even the desire to believe. God will not dismiss a willingness to learn to trust. Mountains have been moved by less. God accepts our limited faith.

God does not ask us to wait until we are certain and strong in faith. God accepts us as we are, even with our limited faith.

Lord, you see my struggle to believe, 
to trust,
and to hope.
You know my fears, 
my hesitations, 
my questions.
Help me to accept the limits of my faith.
Help me to bring my limited faith to you.
Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan
National Association for Christian Recovery

Unlike an alcoholic who can abstain and maintain sobriety, the sexual addict has to face the fact of his sexuality.  Celibacy does not resolve the problem.   Hence, the question emerges for addicts as to how they determine when their sexual behavior is addictive.  

The following formula is suggested as a guideline.  Signs of compulsive sexuality are when the behavior can be described using the SAFE acronym:

1.  It is a SECRET.  Anything that cannot pass public scrutiny will create the shame of a double life.

2.  It is ABUSIVE to self or others.  Anything that is exploitive or harmful to others or degrades oneself will activate the addictive system.

3.  It is used to avoid or is a source of painful FEELINGS.  If sexuality is used to alter moods or results in painful mood shifts, it is clearly part of the addictive process.  Also, if sexuality is used to avoid the pleasurable feelings of monogamy , there is trouble.

4.  It is EMPTY of a caring, committed relationship.  Fundamental to the whole concept of addiction and recovery is the healthy dimension of human relationships.  Marriage takes a lot of work.  There are ups and downs in marriage, that is part of what makes a long-term marriage satisfying.  There is a great shared history.  If the addict avoids the work of commitment, he runs a huge risk of being sexual outside of marriage.

If the SAFE acronym applies to you, I urge you to get help.  

This material is taken from the book Out of the Shadows (pg 189).

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.