Category: Love - IRONSTRIKES

Choosing love

6/26/2015

How can someone ever trust in the existence of an unconditional divine love when most, if not all, of what he or she has experienced is the opposite of love - fear, hatred, violence, and abuse?

They are not condemned to be victims! There remains within them, hidden as it may seem, the possibility to choose love. Many people who have suffered the most horrendous rejections and been subject to the most cruel torture are able to choose love. By choosing love they become witnesses not only to enormous human resiliency but also to the divine love that transcends all human loves. Those who choose, even on a small scale, to love in the midst of hatred and fear are the people who offer true hope to our world.

For further reflection ...

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -- his good, pleasing and perfect will." - Romans 12: 2 (NIV)

Small steps of love

6/19/2015

How can we choose love when we have experienced so little of it? We choose love by taking small steps of love every time there is an opportunity. A smile, a handshake, a word of encouragement, a phone call, a card, an embrace, a kind greeting, a gesture of support, a moment of
attention, a helping hand, a present, a financial

contribution, a visit ... all these are little steps toward love.

Each step is like a candle burning in the night. It does not take the darkness away, but it guides us through the darkness. When we look back after many small steps of love, we will discover that we have made a long and beautiful journey.

"Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for the one who loves others has fulfilled the law. Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law." - Romans 13: 8, 10 (NIV)

This post was written by Henri Nouwen. You can find his blog at: www.henrinouwen.org

Let nothing hinder your prayers

9/15/2014

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

Peter is very clear here.

As husbands we are to:

1. Be considerate as we live with our wife - Do you put up roadblocks to her happiness and to her success? Being considerate is thinking about how to make her life better and easier. Being considerate is acting upon those thoughts. Consideration is asking, "can I do something for you?" and "is there something you need done?" Consideration is trying to anticipate her needs and doing them before she asks.

2. Treat our wife with respect - Being respectful is treating her like she is the most important person in the world. Having the niceties that a gentleman displays: Saying please, thank you, excuse me, etc. To respect her is to honor her. Do you dishonor her with your actions? Do you take her for granted? Do you tell your children how wonderful she is and that they need to respect her like you do? Are you brave enough to challenge your children to treat her like you do?

3. Remember that she is an heir of the gracious gift of life - Most importantly, she is a child of God. The Maker of the Universe, the Creator, has made her uniquely to serve His purposes. Do you treat her like a Christian sister? Do you encourage her spiritual growth? Do you encourage her to spend time with other godly women? Do you offer to take care of your children so that she can have some alone time with God?

"Christian husbands and wives share a common experience of grace and a common destiny of salvation. A husband must honor his wife since she, as much as he, has access to God's grace in Christ. In addition, since husbands and wives are partners together in grace, a husband's relationship with God will be affected for good or ill by his relationship with his wife. When husbands treat their wives with consideration and honor, they are true to the nature of grace. They are acting as God's people, and thus their relationship with God may be deepened through prayer."

Peter is very clear here:

If you don't honor your wife, your prayers will be hindered

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

Sunday Meditation

9/7/2014

I pray that you, being rooted and established in love may have power . . .to grasp . . . the love of Christ.
Ephesians 3:17

We all have root systems. Roots are life-lines. They seek out and drink in water and nutrients. And they provide stability in times of wind and erosion.

Unfortunately, many of us are rooted in the soil of shame. Roots in this rocky soil become bound. They cannot sustain growth. They are not able to provide nourishment or stability.

Recovery for many of us is like being transplanted. It is the process of allowing God to first pull us out of the parched and rocky soil of shame and to then plant us in the soil of love. In the rich soil of love our fragile roots can finally begin to stretch, grow and take hold. It is a soil in which real nourishment and real stability are possible.

But transplantation is not a simple matter. No matter how gently God pulls us up out of the soil of shame, there will be trauma. And sinking roots in new soil will feel like an unfamiliar and risky adventure.

As our roots sink deeper and deeper in the soil of God's love, however, we will begin to experience growth that never could have been possible in the soil of rejection and shame. We will become 'rooted and established' in love.

My roots are in poor soil, Lord.
They do not nourish.
They provide no stability.
My roots are bound, Lord.
Transplant me.
Give me grace-full soil, Lord.
Sink my roots deeply.
Give me stability.
Nourish me.
In your love.

Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan
National Association for Christian Recovery

Forever: Building a lasting marriage

8/13/2014

Apart from my parents, no one in my life has demonstrated to me the best of what love and marriage can be more than our friends, Mike and Nancy. In a hundred ways, they’ve given Jennifer and me something to reach for. So I took it seriously when Mike sat me down one night and said,

“Chance, you’re changing and you’re about to screw up the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”

Jennifer and I were dating. I had my eyes on a ring and was dreaming of how I might ask her to marry me. But I also happened to have several friends at the time who were not only divorcing—they were ripping each other to shreds in the process. These were people I knew well and loved deeply. I’d even stood in a couple of their weddings. I thought their marriages would last forever; we all did. But now they were making an enemy of the one they promised to love most.

It was hard to watch, and it took a big toll on me.

As a result, I began pulling away from Jennifer – guarding my heart, putting up a barrier between us, trying to protect myself and living out of a fear born of someone else’s mistakes. Mike knew me well enough he could tell what was going on. One day, he grabbed me by the shoe that was propped over one of my legs as he passed my chair, smiled and said,

“Those are some cold feet you’ve got there. What’s going on with you? Tell me what you’re afraid of.”

I knew I was about to get some answers, so I was honest with him. I unloaded all of my doubts and at the end, I asked him, “How can I be sure we’ll last forever?”

His response surprised me. He said, “You can’t. You can only be sure it’s going to last forever... a day at a time. You make it to forever, bit by bit.”

I’ll admit. It was a good answer—but not good enough. “Okay, but how can I trust that who she is today is who she’ll be down the road? How do I know she won’t destroy my heart someday…or that I won’t destroy hers?”

“That’s the wrong question, Chance. That question will keep you from ever fully trusting or committing, in or out of marriage. You should be asking, can I trust her heart today? Can she trust mine today? Then, do what it takes to be able to answer yes. You ask today, and again tomorrow and the day after that… That’s how you get to forever.”

All of that seemed good and true, but it still wasn’t enough for me. I desperately wanted
some sort of guarantee I couldn’t get. The next words out of Mike’s mouth have become a compass for me. They’re simple, so don’t miss the gift they carry. He said,

“Chance, you want a guarantee? I’ll guarantee you this. 100% of the time that marriages get in trouble, it starts with people saying to themselves: ‘My needs aren’t being met. She’s overlooking me. He’s not doing enough. I deserve better.’ Once you start looking at things in terms of what you are or aren’t getting, you’re on a dangerous road.”

Even considering the words as I write them makes my heart beat a little faster. Something in me wants to argue the point, and something else tells me it’s true.

“You wanna know why Nancy and I have something few people have?” he asked. “Here’s our secret. Every day I wake up and I ask myself, ‘How can I serve her today? What does she need? What can I do to make her life better?’ Something always comes to mind, and I do it.”

“That can’t be true, Mike” I argued. “You don’t actually do that every day, do you? Wouldn’t that just make you a servant or a door mat?”

“I absolutely do. And you’re right, it could make me a doormat…if I were the only one asking the question. But the thing is, she does the same thing. She wakes up and asks herself, ‘How can I serve him today? What does he need? What can I do to make his life better?’ Something comes to mind and she does it.”

“Everyday?”

“Every single day, for more than 30 amazing years with the love of my life. Both of us are adored and our needs are being met, but neither of us is focused on getting what we want or deserve. There’s no need to fight for it if someone else is fighting the battle for you. And neither of us keeps a list of all the ways the other has dropped the ball. As long as you’re focused on what you’re owed, you’re not focused enough on what you’re there to give.”

It took me a few days to get beyond the surface of his words, but as I did, my trust in Jennifer grew. My trust in myself grew. And maybe for the first time, I began to understand the difference between a good marriage and a great one. I wish I could say that I get this right all the time. The truth is I still consider it a good day when I put Jennifer’s needs ahead of my own. I privately pat myself on the back for being so thoughtful. I have so far to go. But I won’t stop working on it.

She’s worth it. We’re worth it.

Married, single, among friends or with our families, what if we let each other off the hook and started fresh—this time considering each other as more important than ourselves?

What if each of us woke up tomorrow asking what we could do for those we love the most? What if we fought to see each others’ needs met instead of our own?

What would life look like if we abandoned the thought that we are owed something or deserve something better?

What if we made it our mission to make something better of the beautiful thing we have?

Those are some of the questions that create our happily ever after. Those are the questions that get us to forever… one day at a time.

This post was written by Chance Scoggins. You can find it in the free e-book, 25 Marriage Hacks. For the free e-book, go to: http://books.noisetrade.com/tylerward/marriage-hacks

Spotting a Jesus follower

7/14/2014

The word Christian may only be nine letters, but it’s a big ‘ole word.

With the reformation underway in American Christianity, there’s been a lot of talk over what that word actually means and who gets to use it. Some people on both the left and right see themselves as gatekeepers and are busy declaring who is, and who is not, a Christian. This is in part because of our human nature to judge others (the desire to judge others being the original sin from the Garden of Eden) and in part because the term has become fluid. Let’s be honest– there’s a LOT of different people under the umbrella that is “Christianity”.

First, I’m not a fan of saying who is or who is not a Christian– it’s a big religion with lots of different expressions, and I’m the last person qualified to be a gatekeeper of who is allowed to use the term. Secondly, some have suggested we stop using the term altogether, which I’m not a fan of either. “Christian” is a beautiful term from our early days of a faith tradition, and you’re not going to see my name on the list of people who think we just dump it.

However, I do think the term “Jesus follower” is a more helpful term to interject into the conversation. While “Christian” can mean a million different things, “Jesus follower” is a little more definable because by definition, this would be an individual who is living a life that follows the example we find in Jesus.

I’m proud to be a Christian, but I long to be a Jesus follower. It’s what I strive for. It’s what I want to be when I grow up. It’s what this movement was all about.

While it’s not always easy to tell who is or is not a Christian, I think a Jesus follower is observable. One doesn’t need to tell you they’re a Jesus follower, because you’ll be able to see by how they live, whether or not it’s true.

As I look at the Jesus I find in the New Testament, I think there are a few hallmarks of what it looks like to follow him– traits that can be observed to “spot a Jesus follower”:

1. A Jesus follower likes to talk about him, but they do it in such a way that it causes you to want to know more, not less.

Someone who is following Jesus will be passionate about him– and as a result, they’ll talk about him. However, they’ll do it in such a way that attracts people instead of repelling them. In the New Testament, we see the way Jesus communicated his message was appealing to the point that he couldn’t go anywhere without attracting a big crowd. Followers of Jesus talk about him naturally and passionately but in a way that, like him, attract listeners. (The religious elite being the one exception to this rule both for Jesus and his followers).

2. A Jesus follower embraces enemy love.

One of the central teachings of Jesus is nonviolent love of enemies. It’s actually one area where he draws some pretty hard lines– lines that make both the left and right uncomfortable. It is important to understand however, that the life of Jesus is one giant testimony of enemy love– one that culminates with his death on the cross– the precise moment where he nonviolently died for his enemies. It only makes sense that someone who is actually following Jesus would follow his teachings and example. I can still hear Jesus saying, “if you only love those who love you, what reward is there in that?” His followers know this and hold what is still, a very unpopular belief.

3. A Jesus follower is the one who is full of compassion for outsiders and the weak.

Here’s a challenge: re-read the Gospels with a fresh eye, and count the number of times you hear the term “and Jesus was filled with compassion”. I promise, you’ll be shocked (head start: Mark 6:3, Matt 9:36, Mark 8:2). When I first noticed this in the Gospels, it was one of those moments when the words jumped off the page and became a “I can’t believe I didn’t see this before” experience. When Jesus saw people, his first response was that of compassion– his followers, by nature, are the same.

4. A Jesus follower is the one who is quickest to show others mercy.

Jesus once faced off with the religious elite of his time who were colluding with the power of Empire and oppressing the weak. When he did, he dismissed them and famously said: “go and learn what this means: I desire mercy, not sacrifice”.

One of the core aspects of the message of Jesus is one of mercy. He went to the cross on our behalf as an act of mercy. He stopped the execution of a condemned woman and told her “neither do I condemn you”, as an act of mercy. He was busy healing the sick, because he loved to show mercy. Jesus was a man who had mercy at the core of his being. If you want to distinguish a Christian from a Jesus follower, just look for the one who is advocating the position that shows the most mercy (including gratuitous forgiveness)– because that’s the heart of Jesus.

5. A Jesus follower is the one who, when they describe what God is like, describe Jesus.

Jesus followers get what Jesus meant when he said “if you have seen me, you’ve seen the father”, and they believe the author of Hebrews who wrote that Jesus was the “exact representation” of God’s being. This means that if you want to be able to spot a Jesus follower, look for the person who is describing a God who looks EXACTLY like Jesus. If Jesus is the exact representation of God, we know that nothing else– including the violent portraits of God in the Old Testament– can be the “exact representation” of God. Jesus followers are sold out on exclusively following Jesus because they realize that in all of human history, the only time God’s exact essence was revealed to us was done through the mirror image of Christ.

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So what’s the point of being able to spot a Jesus follower– is it so we can judge who is not? May it never be. Instead, being able to spot a Jesus follower is crucial for our own spiritual vitality. If the Jesus path is the one you wish to travel, the best thing you can do is find others who are already on it, and walk together with them.

Yes, I am a Christian– but I long to be a Jesus follower. I want to walk this path, and I want to do the things that Jesus did. However, I don’t want to walk the path alone.

Perhaps we can find a way together.

This post was written by Benjamin Corey. For the original post, go to: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/formerlyfundie/5-ways-you-can-spot-a-jesus-follower/

Why I like going to church

6/17/2014

When I was in college, I read a survey posted by a Sociology major titled, Terrible Travels. The idea was for people to list places they hated being, but for some reason still felt compelled to attend. “The DMV”, “Airports”, and “The Dentist” were entries that would surprise no one, but as I got toward the middle I noticed another one, “Church”. Normally this wouldn’t have bothered me, but I went to a Christian college. It seemed even Christians didn’t want to go to church.

So what happened? How did the act of going to Church, which once led to joy and celebration, turn into such a chore? I’m sure many theologians will have much wiser answers than I do, but for my part, I believe it’s because many churches have stopped being families. In a recent article by Sarah Bessey, the author describes how her Church is more than an institution for believers, it is a home for all those who seek to know Christ.

“Because at the end of the service, they practice the priesthood of all believers and anyone can pray for anyone else. Just go ahead and pray, go ahead. Talk to each other, you don’t need a sanctioned commissioning, you are already part of this Body so go on then. Because I need to be around people who love Jesus, too. Because I know Jesus better when I hear about Him from other people who follow Him, too.”

“Because I almost always encounter the Holy Spirit in a profound, sideways sort of way when we’re gathered together in His name. Because then I leave and I go back out into my world, my neighborhood, my life, and there is always the promise of next week. Because some of my greatest wounds have come from church and so my greatest healing has happened here, too.”

People underestimate the power of family. Family offers unconditional love, it offers understanding and safety, discipline but fairness, and a place to turn when you feel lost. Or at least it’s supposed to. In recent years, the Church has behaved more like a moral autocrat than a loving parent, and this position has cost believers and non-believers alike. If we are to repair the damage we’ve done, a fully represent the image of Christ, we must change our approach.

Look at what Jesus says:

“‘Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.' "Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?' "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'” – Matthew 25:34-40

It is time for the Church to become a home. A place where the poor and lonely can find a family they never knew. No one connected by blood, but by something stronger. By the unshakable spirit, and unending love, of Jesus Christ.

This post was written by Ryan Duncan. For the original post, go to: http://www.crosswalk.com/blogs/christian-trends/why-i-like-going-to-church.html

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

True identity

3/29/2014

. . . and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free — John 8:32

We cannot mature in our faith without community. We simply cannot. The process of maturing isn’t simple, isn’t smooth. It’s one of getting off track and getting on again--again and again. We need help with that. We’re designed to be together. We’re built to need each other. To “grow up healthy in God, robust in love” we need community (Ephesians 4:14-16 MSG).

To help, though, our communities must actually be capable of picking us up and getting us on track, and encouraging us on. Our communities must be places where we’re willing to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15). Speaking that way requires moving beyond simply being polite to one another--and ever ignoring or excusing sin. It also requires moving beyond just pointing out sin or shortcomings or what bothers us or what we think might bother God.

Speaking the truth in love doesn’t require us to call each other out. It requires us to call each other in--into true identity. It requires us to call each other away from sin (e.g., “you don’t need to do that anymore . . .”) and into the identities God had in mind when he designed us, built us, and set us in motion (“. . . because this is who you really are”).

Okay, so what do we do?

Do you have a sense for the true identities of your brothers in community? Get serious about learning. Get intentional about allowing God to show you. When you meet next, have each man bring a favorite story or verse from Scripture. Read them. Talk about them. They’ll point to something true. If a man loves the story of Caleb, for example, it’s likely he’s designed and built to be brave and bold and faithful like Caleb. And his community must help him do just that.

Copyright © 2013 Gather Ministries, All rights reserved.

Sunday Meditation

3/23/2014

He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young. Isaiah 40:11

The Almighty God, Creator of heaven and earth, is pictured many times in the Bible as a Shepherd God. This may not be shocking to modern readers - most of us don't know much about sheep herding beyond the few sentimental ideas we may have about rural life. But nothing was more ordinary in biblical times than sheep herding. It was a dirty job. It was a low prestige job. A shepherd lived with his sheep. Day and night he was with them, paying attention to their needs, providing protection, and guiding them.

For the little ones in the flock, the most vulnerable ones, there was often a need for individual care and attention. In times of special need or danger, the shepherd would seek them out, lift them into his arms and carry them close to his heart.

This is how God cares for us. God is a God of gentleness, of tender affection, of protection, and of nurture. Our God is a Shepherd God. When we feel afraid or vulnerable, God is aware of our need. We are gathered into God's arms. We are carried close to God's heart.

I am your lamb, Lord
The wolves are not far off.
Pick me up and hold me in your arms.
Carry me close to your heart.
Allow me to experience the mystery of being held by your loving arms.

Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan
National Association for Christian Recovery

Ten Principles for successful fathering

2/19/2014

While practices help us learn the how's of successful fatherhood, principles provide the framework for our fathering. Principles are the underlying philosophy, the way we think about our important role. And we way we think and feel about fatherhood frames our behavior, our responses and our attitudes.

The Emotional Bank Account. Dr. Stephen Covey, one of the professors in my graduate school program many years ago and now one of the most influential leadership gurus in the world, taught me the principle of the Emotional Bank Account before I was ever a father. The basics of the emotional bank account involve making deposits of trust and faith in the lives of our children. The emotional bank account is about communication, love, loyalty and integrity.

The Most Important Gift is Time. We can give our children things that money can buy: video games, iPod's, designer clothes and the hottest mountain bike. But nothing substitutes for our time and attention. Every father struggles with keeping work, self and family in balance; some seem to be able to strike that balance and avoid challenges like workaholism. We have also found that not all time is equal. There is a difference between quality time and quantity time. But my experience suggests that it is tough to have quality time without enough quantity.

Teaching Responsibility. Fathers are in a unique position in a child's life to teach responsibility and the value of work. We teach it by example by keeping our commitments, by putting family first and by enduring hard times. We also teach by giving children stewardship and demanding accountability, whether it is with chores, school work or other aspects of their young lives. Helping children learn to be responsible as children and later as adults is among our most critical roles.

Use your Golden Sword. Family relationship expert Gary Smalley teaches the analogy of the two swords. The silver sword reflects our positional power, of the power we use in our workday world. The golden sword is the sword of personal power, that works best at home. Trying to use positional power with the children is dangerous and often has unintended negative results. But using the gold sword of personal power, described with words like "warmth, sensitivity, dependability, determination, genuine compassion, affection, and caring" has great application at home. So take off the silver sword and strap on the golden sword when you walk through the front door at home.

Walk the Talk. A father who is a "Do as I say, not as I do" kind of dad will never have the respect of his children, or anyone else for that matter. Walking the talk--being what you want your children to be--is a symbol of integrity. But it requires personal discipline and sacrifice. Being a man of principle and living congruently with those principles is an essential element of successful fatherhood.

Consistency. Fathers are best when their approach is predictable and consistent. Children get a strong message when fathers are firm and solid in their approach. Being a "marshmallow" with your children is easier, but it hurts them in the long run. Being fair and consistent in discipline is important. When a father makes a rule, it should be enforced. Limits that are set and then moved are not limits at all, with either a child or with a parent.

High Expectations. Successful fathers set high but realistic expectations for themselves and for their children. And then they work together to achieve those expectations. They read together so that they learn how to learn. They work together to achieve important ends. And they celebrate their accomplishments and learn from their mistakes.

Expressions of Love. Fathers who have great relationships with their children have learned to express love in meaningful ways. They tailor their expressions to the way each child receives love. They are gentle but firm even when disciplining, and then show afterward an increase in love. They find little ways to express love, and they do it every day when the kids are living at home.

Mutual Respect. When a father shows respect for his children and others, they are more likely to respect him. Keeping expectations clear, being even handed and level headed, and respecting children's self-worth all help breed an atmosphere of mutual respect. And when a father respects their child's mother, regardless of whether they are married or divorced, children learn to respect him more completely.

Making Values Count. It is not enough for a father to teach behavior; successful fathers also teach values. They have a rich spiritual life (however they define that) and connect to nature and timeless values. They respect womanhood, they are honest, the live by standards of moral integrity. Great fathers help pass on these values to their children rather than leaving them valueless in a world where values seem to shift with the sands of time.

This post was written by Wayne Parker. The original post can be found here: http://fatherhood.about.com/od/succeedingasafather/a/principles.htm?nl=1

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.