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Church isn't for everyone

9/13/2013

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Church leaders do it all the time.

Ask them who they’re trying to reach. Their answer? Everyone.

It sounds appropriate. I get that. What else are you going to say?

After all, the Gospel is for everyone.

But that’s not the question. The question is who is your church designed to reach?

Is your church for everyone? Really?

What if it’s not?

Now, here’s the promise.

What if…the faster you get away from the idea that your church is for everyone, the more effective you will be as a church?

Consider this:

You are currently reaching a segment of the population—not the entire population. I don’t know of a single church that has reached everybody.

The people you’re reaching probably represent a particular demographic. Even if it’s multi-ethnic, or multi-generational, you are likely reaching a segment of people within the broader demographic.

Your church has a style, feel and culture that attracts certain groups. In Western culture, people self-select based on what your organization has to offer, just like Walmart shoppers are different than Nordstrom shoppers.

In addition, the way you do church (a combination of your mission and vision, but even more importantly, your organizational culture and strategy) has an inevitable filtering effect:

Your music is going to attract some people and bother others.

Your teaching style and content is going to connect better with some than others.

The people who already make up your church are more likely to attract others like themselves; like attracts like.

Your location and even the architectural style of the building in which you gather (whether that’s a school, a theater, a gothic cathedral, a contemporary suburban mega-church, an A-frame 50s landmark, or a living room) make some feel at home while pushing others away.

Your leadership style is compelling to some people and not so much for others.

I’m not saying this is the way it should be. I’m just saying this is simply true.

Now don’t miss this.

Far too many church leaders spend their time fighting these realities.

Rather than cooperate with the way people naturally gather, too many leaders resist it.

I agree there are times we need to fight that. A church with no cultural diveristy in a culturally diverse city functions more like a club than a church. And a congregation with only the rich and no people on social assistance worries me. And some churches attract only insiders or an age demographic that makes the future impossible. When I began in ministry, we had mostly handfuls of people over 65 attending the churches in which I served. The future wasn’t bright, nor was the church effective in its mission.

In those cases (and some others) you need to change your culture to reach the broader culture.

But still, are you going to reach everybody?

No.

Now, here’s the promise in an otherwise disconcerting thought-stream:

Your church should be open to everyone, but you will be best at reaching a particular someone.

And that’s okay.

Instead of competing with that, why not co-operate with it?

After all, your church is not the body of Christ. It is part of the body of Christ.

Play your part.

Can you imagine the pressure that will release?

You will no longer have to be all things to all people.

Churches that try to be all things to all people often end up being nothing to no one and lose their effectiveness in the process. Only a few manage to do more than a mediocre job in most areas. The seniors and the young adults and the kids and the teens and the empty nesters and the young marrieds and the singles and the blended families can’t all be equally important. They just can’t be.

Where I serve at Connexus, our vision is to be a church that unchurched people love to attend.

As a result:

We don’t try to please people who want a church for the already convinced.

We’re not worried about reaching Christians who have no passion for friends and neighbours who aren’t in a relationship with Christ.

We don’t feel the pressure to offer 100 programs and in fact often point people to community organizations or neighbouring churches that do much better jobs in those areas. Sometimes we encourge people to find their own way to meet those needs. We focus on the few things that will help us best accomplish our mission.

We feel free to design our Sunday service to create an experience unchurched people want to come back to.

We specifically target the feel of our services and culture to connect with a 30 year old unchurched man, believing that if the man comes, so (gladly) will his family and friends (and often his parents, and sometimes even grandparents).

I realize this is contrary thinking for most people, but for us it’s resulted in reaching more unchurched people than we ever have before (or than many churches in our community and country), with 60% of our growth being from self-identified unchurched people. Which is, after all, kind of why we started the church in the first place. And which maybe why you started or lead your church.

So…rethink this.

Is your church for everyone?

Or is the Gospel for everyone, and your church gets to play a part in that?

What do you think?

This post was written by Carey Nieuwhof.  For the original post, go to: http://careynieuwhof.com/2013/09/why-you-need-to-stop-thinking-your-church-is-for-everyone/#sthash.0kNd5NMo.dpuf

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How to be a good neighbor

5/29/2013

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Arvada, a Denver suburb started an initiative called the Art of Neighboring.  Here are their findings.:


1. Being a good neighbor begins with a positive, proactive mindset.

“The solutions to the problems in our neighborhoods aren’t ultimately found in the government, police, schools, or in getting more people to go to church.  The solutions lie with us. It’s within our power to become good neighbors, to care for the people around us, and to be cared for by the people around us.”

That’s where becoming a good neighbor begins. It begins with how a man thinks. Instead of seeing the place he lives only as the place he hangs his hat, he begins to see the place he lives as a place he influences. He knows it’s up to him to make things better.

Author Malcolm Gladwell in The Tipping Point agrees. Exploring the “broken windows” theory first articulated several decades ago, he described how even small things done or left undone in a neighborhood can spur crime rates up or down.

When litter isn’t picked up, when graffiti remains on a wall or fence, when a window is broken but not fixed—these can all communicate that a neighborhood is declining, Gladwell wrote. And when people’s outward environments appear to decline, people tend to respond socially with less care, thus the potential for increased crime.

The opposite is true as well. Just as lapses in signs of care and concern can set off an escalation in deterioration, so can positive actions create a chain reaction of improvement. Thus, a good neighbor’s mindset is focused on how he can influence his neighborhood for the better, and he seeks to address problems while they are still small, nipping them in the bud. He feels a sense of ownership, sees his neighborhood as a reflection of himself, and knows his actions affect others. He begins to be a good neighbor simply and in small ways, undertaking the responsibility of creating an environment that he—and others—will want to live in.

2. The simplest way to become a good neighbor is to smile, wave, and get to know names.

I was out for a walk the other morning when I saw a guy walking toward me on the street. I gave him a head nod and said, “Good morning,” as he passed, like I do whenever I meet anyone in my neighborhood. But the young man didn’t even look at me or respond in any way.

He was carrying a backpack bearing the name of our town’s community college, so that gave me a clue to his standoffish behavior. He may have had a test that morning and been focused on what lay ahead. He may have not heard me, or been in a bad mood and simply didn’t want to respond.

But I suspect it was something simpler. I’m not sure his exact age, probably around 18 or 19, but I suspect he was simply thinking more like a child and less like a man.

In this day and age, children are correctly taught never to talk with people they don’t know. If a 44-year-old stranger said good morning to my 10-year-old daughter as she waited for the school bus, I would strongly urge her to ignore him, even to run away.

But adult-aged neighbors need to be re-taught to engage with people they don’t know, at least when it comes to those who live near to them. If a car drives down my street and I’m outside mowing the lawn, I make it a habit to smile and wave. I see plenty of other adults doing the same thing.

The embryo of good neighboring is proactive friendliness. It means initiating a positive interaction with those you come in contact with. The simplest way to do that is to smile, wave, and learn your neighbors’ names. If someone moves in next door, take them an apple pie. If your neighbor goes out of town, offer to watch out for his place while he’s away.

3. Being a good neighbor means you treat others as you want to be treated.

Some years back when my wife and I bought our first house, we became fast friends with our next door neighbors, a couple about our age. We’d eat dinner together, we’d talk over the fence, we’d mow our lawns for each other when out of town.

They were the neighbors from heaven.

Then they moved out and another couple moved in. The woman was okay, but the guy was a grade-A jerk. There’s no polite way to say that. He was surly and rude, he made noise at all hours of the night, he held wild parties and left empty beer bottles on his front lawn. Other neighbors would actually complain to us—the people who lived closest to them—asking us to do something about it. Cowards.

They were the neighbors from hell.

The point is that when it comes to living in close proximity to other people, any number of relational issues can arise. No neighborhood is perfect, and it takes tact, timing, wisdom, forgiveness, boundaries, and at times courage to live alongside of other people.

Still, the best way to create a good neighborhood is to be a good neighbor yourself. As an adult, you might live in a suburban neighborhood, a rural area, or in an apartment in the city, yet wherever you live, the same principle holds true: your actions will affect others, and their actions will affect you.

This means you’re mindful of your actions. You realize you don’t live in a frat house anymore. You keep your music turned to a volume where it can’t be heard outside your walls. You pick up after your dog and keep him on a leash if your yard is unfenced. You carry your trash cans back inside the garage the same day as your trash is picked up.

When it comes to where you live, you help set the tone.



This blog post was adapted from:   http://www.artofmanliness.com/2013/05/23/on-being-neighborly/


To read more about this study, go to:  http://www.artofneighboring.com/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.


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My Dream About Heaven

8/10/2012

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On an episode of Extreme Makeover:  Home Edition, one of the participants made an interesting comment.  His home had been almost completely redesigned.  When he walked into his new house, he said, "I am here and can't believe that this is really for me, then I realize, it really is for me."   His words rang in my ears as something I could see myself saying when I reach heaven.  I imagine when I arrive at heaven I won't be able to believe it is my permanent home.  However,  C.S. Lewis states in his book The Problem of Pain, "Your place in heaven will seem to be made for you and you alone, because you were made for it -- made for it stitch by stitch as a glove is made for a hand.” 

Let me tell you about a dream I once had.  In my dream, I was walking and came upon a big wooden gate.   Just as I stopped to admire the gate, a man opened it from the inside and said, "Hi , Dale.  Come in, let me show you around."  He took me into this beautiful city and then up to two large doors.  He opened the doors into his home that had a huge living room with large picture windows that overlooked a very calm sea of glass.  His furniture was very regal looking and quite lavish and opulent.  I have no words to describe what I saw.  He said, "you don't remember me do you?"  I said, "you do look familiar but no I'm not sure."  He responded, "I'm Jimmy from ...."  All of a sudden I recognized him and then I woke up.

When I woke up, I was unsure what this dream was about.  I believe for the most part, that dreams are just random thoughts/experiences thrown together and your brain tries to make sense of it so it ties everything together in a dream.  

However, I do believe that some dreams can be from God because He wants you to know something.   I think this dream was from God and I am grateful.  I am grateful that God gave me a chance to see heaven.  It was wonderful and I was not there very long but I do want to go back.  

But the best thing was meeting Jimmy.  Jimmy was a young man from my professional history that I attempted to help.  Jimmy had developmental disabilities and was a very confused, scared and angry person at times.  He would assault people when he got scared and then would take off running.  I remember one time chasing him and he was so fast, that he got away from me.  (BTW - I don't know what I would have done if I caught him.  Jimmy was definitely bigger and stronger and faster than me.)  

What was the best thing was that Jimmy was no longer in a body with limitations.  He was in heaven!  His body, mind and soul were in perfect condition.  And... he had been looking for me.  It makes me wonder what kind of relationship Jimmy and I will have in heaven.  

I think I'm gonna challenge him to a foot race....

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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Sunday Meditation

2/26/2012

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"When I went to Troas to preach the gospel of Christ and found that the Lord had opened a door for me, I still had no peace of mind, because I did not find my brother Titus there. So I said good-by to them and went on to Macedonia."
2 Corinthians 2:12-13

Paul was a missionary writing to a congregation that had mixed feelings about his ministry. Under these circumstances we might reasonably expect him to defend himself. We might expect him to say 'Things are going great! Open doors! Packed stadiums! Now on several continents! Soon on satellite to the whole planet!" But he doesn't say that. He tells the truth. "There was an open door, but I had no peace of mind". Paul chooses to do honest, straight, appropriate, risky self-disclosure. "I was anxious and lonely and it effected my ability to work. I could not minister to others because I was too needy." Paul rejects the 'superstar' or 'hero' model for ministry. "I can't do this alone," he was saying, "I need Titus".

Like Paul, we have limits in our work and ministry. God does not ask us to be superheros. We may wish for this out of a deep need for approval, but it is not what God asks of us. Like Paul, we will have open doors that we will not be able to respond to because we are too tired, or too anxious, or too lonely. It is part of the reality of being human. God understands these kinds of limits.

Lord, I want to do it all.
I want to be a superhero.
But I am so limited.
Give me the grace to be honest.
Give me the courage to admit my loneliness and anxiety. 
Give me the courage to admit my exhaustion.
Give me the grace to be human.
Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan
National Association for Christian Recovery

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